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SURV(IV)OR: Episode 7 - Circling The Drain

By Ezen Baklattan, in Box Office Survivor

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Ezen Baklattan Global Phenomenon

Ezen Baklattan

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NOTE: The first draft of this episode was accidentally deleted and now my keyboard is acting up. I apologize for any confusion / the incomplete ending.

 

Spaghetti: This week, you've got to outwit and outsmart the other teams by scattering through the warehouse. You all get two darts, and two balloons tied to each shoe. Once your balloons pop, you have to advance to the pavilion and make your predictions. No ifs, ands, or buts. Ready, set, go!

 

That One Guy: A battle royale challenge? Every man for themselves? I like how you think, Spaghetti.

DAJK: This'll be fun! But TOG, we gotta stay together.

That One Guy: Really? What if we get ambushed?

DAJK: Look, I know what I'm doing. I had amazing scores on so many challenges so far. Trust me on this one.

That One Guy: That doesn't mean that what you say instantly goes.

DAJK: I want to win just as much as you do. Now come on, follow me.

YourMother: I agree, he's so smart and talented and hot......headed that he can easily beat the competition! Let's move out!

DAJK: Indeed, let's go!

That One Guy: Sigh....whatever you say, boss.

 

CONFESSIONAL - That One Guy: DAJK needs to stop letting the success of the past get to his head. Every week is different, you know.

CONFESSIONAL - DAJK: Okay, so I may have let the success get to my head a little, but I'm confident this week! I've got this in the bag!

 

Wrath: You heard him, let's hustle.

WrathOfHan: Not so fast. I'm sure as hell not working with you after last week.

Wrath: Look, you're rightfully angry with me. I get that, but hear me out - 

WrathOfHan: What is there to hear out? You left us! Come on, Goffe. Let's head into the maze.

Goffe: Right behind you.

Wrath: Sigh, I guess, Arlborn and Eevin, we should go together.

Arlborn: It's like the fates demand we stay together!

Eevin: Yeah, I'm certain it's that. Either that or the fates hate me so much or I was Donald Trump in another universe. Certain of it.

 

CONFESSIONAL - Wrath: I really want to get back with WrathOfHan. I care about him a lot, but he doesn't understand WHY I left. The sad part is, I'm not sure even how to do so.

 

Chasmmi: So here's what I have so far. Wrath and WrathOfHan are at odds with each other, well at least one of them is. Numbers and Goffe's relations have gotten rocky, Arlborn, Eevin, and Goffe all hate each other, YourMother is in love with DAJK, oddly, Elcaballero is happy following things along, and That One Guy is less so. Ethan Hunt's become so arrogant and useless since then.

Numbers: Thorough. How do you even know all of this?

Chasmmi: I have a PhD in Psychoanalysis. I have a knack for this.

Numbers:  Right...hopefully you're using it for good and not evil.

Chasmmi: Of course. But I have a plan to exploit them all. Follow me. We need to be dilligent.

Numbers: Sure. You coming, guys?

AABATTERY: Never left the scene, mate. Now we just gotta keep an eye on...

CoolEric258: Eric! My name is Eric! That's my name! And we are going to be best friends forever, FrankenJJ! He holds up the zombie raccon, and the other sadbens cringe in horror*

AABATTERY: JESUS CHRIST, ERIC! WHAT IS THAT?!?!

CoolEric258: Oh nobody, just my new favorite forever friend!

AABATTERY: Hopefully it at least wins challenges for us!

Numbers: Uh......okay. Don't kiss it, and we're fine. Move out. *Chasmmi looks into space with existential dread.*

 

CONFESSIONAL - Chasmmi: CoolEric258 has utterly ruined me. He's destroyed my understanding of the world we live in. I don't know how to live anymore.

 

Elcaballaero: Stay strong, don't break the lead, stay to the merge. Stay strong, don't break the lead, stay to the merge.

Ethan Hunt: *texting* Lord, will you shut up, already?

Elcaballaero: Sorry, it's this nervous tic I've developed lately. Trying to stay strong here! 

Ethan Hunt: *texting* I swear, I hate this team more and more by the day. 

DAJK: Oh come on, Ethan. It's not so bad. Also, get off your phone. You could alert the other teams, and we need to stay focused.

YourMother: Yeah, what he said.

Ethan Hunt: *texting* Yeah, sure, DAJK. Our lovable, wise, leader.*putting phone away* He is so amazing and smart, *raising his voice* nothing can stop out team!

DAJK: Ethan, look out *DAJK and the other three kitschjobs duck down, while Ethan is still sarcastically giving his monologue*

Ethan Hunt: Three cheers for DAJK. Hip, hip, *With the rhythm of the hips, Ethan's balloons pop after a shot comes from above.*

Numbers: *whispering* hooray.

Ethan Hunt: Welp, off to the pavilion for me. *He leaves, texting.*

DAJK: Sigh, what an ass. He's like a more annoying version of Chasmmi.

 

CONFESSIONAL - Ethan Hunt: So, the others are completely useless. That One Guy is a smartass, DAJK is a narcissistic goody goody, YourMother is a helpless slave to love, and Elcaballero, wait till he gets the best score in a week. Hah. Hell, everyone on this show is pathetic. That prize ought to be mine.

 

Chasmmi: Nice shot.

Numbers: Thanks, he was super annoying. The pleasure was all mine. 

Chasmmi: Speaking of annoying, DAJK and the others are hiding behind that column. We just have to wait it out and then take them out one by one.

Numbers: I don't know, that seems a little cruel.

Chasmmi: Do you want to win or not?

Numbers: *sigh* Let's see with the others. CoolEric258? *He is busy cuddling with FrankenJJ, Numbers shudders.* AABATTERY?

AABATTERY: Of course I think the best strategy is to whoaaa.....what is that? He sees an adjacent door labeled "DANGER: DO NOT ENTER."

 

Arlborn: 100 million lost on this flop, 100 million lost on this flop, If extra numbers rose from Puerto Rico, 99 million lost on this flop!

Eevin: I swear. Shut. Up. You'll get us captured.

Arlborn: *pausing for a second* sorry.

Wrath: Huh, I certainly didn't expect that from you.

Arlborn: Well, I definitely want to value your leadership. Let's move along.

Eevin: Huh, you're acting quite....different, Arlborn.

Arlborn: What? No! *a la Marky Mark in The Happening* I'm just my crazy, happy, self!

 

CONFESSIONAL - Eevin: If I had to guess, Arlborn is putting on a good face to appeal to the team so that he can stay past his immunity expiration. Honestly it's not a bad strategy. I certainly like Arlborn way more now.

 

Goffe: This is an awesome hiding spot. Thanks for finding this.

WrathOfHan: Ah, it was nothing. Figured I could use a bit of a chill spot. Get away from everything, if you will.

Goffe: I like they way you think, a lot. You know, you've surprised me quite a bit with these challenges.

WrathOfHan: Heh, thanks. You have too. You and Numbers make a great pair.

Goffe: You see, about that...

WrathOfHan: Huh?

Goffe: I digress. I'm sorry about everything with Wrath. He's a great predictor but a lousy person, it seems. Sorry you can't catch a break.

WrathOfHan: Meh, I don't know what to expect with this anymore. Anyways, I digress. Wanna just chat for a bit?

Goffe: Sounds good. So, favorite movie. Go.

 

AABATTERY: Oh my gosh, It's so tempting. I must go in!

Chasmmi: No, you idiot! It could be dangerous!

AABATTERY: I know, live a little! It may be a trick, and Spaghetti has a secret advantaged stored in there!

Numbers: That's a good point. Let's take a look inside. 

AABATTERY: Yay, let's do this! *They open the door. He gasps. It's a baby-style room with an adorable baby panda sitting in the center of the room.* OMG HE IS SO CUTE! I'm keeping him! I just need a good name for you....I know! Tupac! *The panda smiles wide! He loves the name!*

Numbers: Tupac....for a panda. Right.

Chasmmi: Come on, let's get out oh here. Wait, AA! No!

*The crib turns into a dart turret. It targets AA's balloons and pops them.*

AABATTERY: Oh crap, my ballons! Oh well, at least my little Tupac wupac is safe! Yes he is! Yes he is!

CoolEric258: Yes! Let's have a play date with JJ! We're gonna have So. Much. FUN! Together! Yay! *AABATTERY and Tupac cringe at FrankenJJ. Numbers vomits again. Eric's balloons are popped.*

 

CONFESSIONAL - AABATTERY: We're gonna make such an amazing team! We have such amazing ideas! And he's so cute!

Tupac: You know it! I have amazing strategy! Even Chasmmi's got nothing on me. We got this, AA!

AABATTERY: OH MY GOD YOU CAN TALK?

Tupac: Of course not, you're just imagining things.

 

Numbers: AA! AA! Are you okay? You're kinda freaking us out. *AA views Numbers as a talking hamburger.*

AABATTERY: What? Oh yeah, I'm fine!

Numbers: Either way, it's only me and Chasmmi now. Meet you at the pavilion.

Chasmmi: So Numbers, how about you let that evil side slip out now? We've gotta win this.

Numbers: Sigh. Just this one time.

 

That One Guy: See, we're ambushed! I told you this was a bad idea!

DAJK: Okay, so I messed up one time! We've still got a good handle on things!

YourMother: Totally!

DAJK: Okay, YourMother, you're not just a yes man. You can have your own ideas.

YourMother: I don't want to! I lo-*He is shot by Numbers.*

DAJK: YourMother! I have to go out and check on you. Come one guys!

That One Guy: Wait, no! Are you serious?! *Numbers and Chasmmi open fire on the Kitschjobs. They are all wiped out instantly. They nod at each other and move in separate directions.*

Elcaballero: Sigh, well that was a huge mistake.

 

Eevin: Hey, I think Arlborn found something?

Arlborn: Indeed, it's a guide that will help us with predictions. This will be a breeze to use. 

Eevin: I hate to say it, but...thanks for finding this.

Arlborn: Sure thing.

Wrath: I'm impressed too. Let's actually take ourselves out now so we can make sure we don't lose this.

Eevin: A suicide pact? I guess there's rationale to it there. Let's rock and roll.

Arlborn: It was a pleasure working with all of you. *They all step on their balloons and walk away.*

 

WrathOfHan: Just spending an hour talking, you learn a lot about people. You're way cooler than I expected.

Goffe: Likewise. In fact, I have to tell you something. *Getting up.* I've been thinking a lot about our team lately, and well,

WrathOfHan: Wait, what are you talking about? Whoa! *The vent falls, and Goffe and WrathOfHan fall through. Next to Numbers and Chasmmi, incidentally. Goffe is laying on WrathOfHan*

Goffe: Hello, Numbers. How are our balloons?

Numbers: Oh what do you care what I think? I heard you talking about me through the vents.

WrathOfHan: No way! This isn't even remotely what it looks like! Goffe, I'm sorry, but I don't want anything romantic.

Numbers: Romantic?

Goffe: Look, it was fun working with you on Alliance, but I think we're just not meant to be anymore. This team switch has really woken me up on that. I've learned recently that I don't really need you.

Numbers: Goffe, how could you? You could at least have told me this. WrathOfHan, what was Goffe saying about us?

WrathOfHan: Uhhh.....oh look I have a balloon left! Bang bang! *He shoots Chasmmi and Number's balloons, while shooting his own as a sacrifical blow.* Oops, we all have to go to the pavilion. Preferably not together!

Goffe: *showing mild emotion.* I'm sorry.

Numbers: As am I. What a waste of a lovely dart.

 

*The four walk to the pavilion somberly.*

 

CONFESSIONAL - Chasmmi: It's perfect. I managed to play romantic music through the vents and circulate around where they were. Now Numbers and Goffe are a hot mess, and WrathOfHan is sick of everyone! I love this game.

CONFESSIONAL - WrathOfHan: I hate this game! I'm sick of everyone! Can I please spend time with anyone without a huge bucket of drama?

 

------------

 

Spaghetti: No break from the drama here, especially now that the results have been tabulated. This time, we're reading everyone's at once!

 

*Dramatic music plays.*

 

Spoiler

THE POUGHKEEPSIE STATE FLYING COUGARS

@Wrath - 79.44%

@WrathOfHan - 71.85%

@Eevin - 71.62%

@Arlborn - 70.72%

@Goffe - 64.68%

AVERAGE: 71.66%

 

THE KITSCHJOBS

@That One Guy - 67.57%

@elcaballero - 67.32%

@YourMother - 65.38%

@DAJK - 61.24%

@Ethan Hunt - 28.3% (placeholder)

AVERAGE: 57.96%

 

THE SADBENS

@chasmmi - 77.95%

@4815162342 - 76.79%

@aabattery - 63.63%

@CoolEric258 - 56.6%

AVERAGE: 68.74%

 

Spaghetti:  Rough week for everyone huh? But there has to be one winner, and this week, it's the Flying Cougars, for the second time! *They cheer* And for the first time, the Kitschjobs will send someone home. (That One Guy is safe from elimination!) Check the Challenges thread for Second Immunity and Predictions, and see you all on the next week of BOT SURVIVOR!

 

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Ezen Baklattan Global Phenomenon

Ezen Baklattan

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2 minutes ago, YourMother said:

I'm confused it says the second immunity are guessing the Wednesday numbers but it's due on Wednesday night? Never mind I realized it's Tuesday today my bad.@Spaghetti of 1000 Planets

I'll update the numbers tonight, I'm going out with some friends

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Wrath Box Office Gold

Wrath

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39 minutes ago, Spaghetti of 1000 Planets said:

Flash fight will be posted tomorrow. I'm so sorry, the material for the exam was super dense and everything was just....ugh.

Totally fine. GL with the grading.

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Wrath Box Office Gold

Wrath

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Go, Flying Cougars!

 

Ah, really brings me back to my school days. Good old Poughkeepsie State! Where the academics were challenging, the scenery was idyllic, and the campus was filled with the screams of co-eds plucked from the walkways and eaten by the indigenous flying cougars that lived in the trees in that area. Really kept you on your toes.

 

While I approve that the team seems to have stopped its fraternizing with our opponents, I think a little extra discipline is what's missing.

 

(digs through supplies, finding a sack of wrenches and a 5-lane freeway filled with cars)

 

Perfect.

Edited by Wrath
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