SUR(IV)OR: Episode 8 - En Guardian!

[Ezen Baklattan]

Spaghetti: Welcome to The Oval, contestants. At the center, there lies a special safe. Your goal is to crack the safe and enter your predictions on the pavilion inside. Ready, set, go!

 

That One Guy: So, DAJK, learn your lesson?

DAJK: Hey guys, sorry about letting myself lose a bit of control last week. We must stay together and make sure we can make it to the merge together, and I let myself get carried away.

YourMother: Come on, you have nothing to blame yourself for! And I really think that...

DAJK: Thanks, YourMother. You don’t have to agree with every single thing I say, though. You’re allowed to speak for yourself.

YourMother: It’s just that, I....um....

DAJK: Can it wait til after the challenge? We have a fight to win.

YourMother: Uh, okay...that’s doable.

 

CONFESSIONAL - DAJK: YourMother’s been acting pretty strange around me. I actually thought he was really cool at first, but then these past few weeks he’s just been off his rocker.

CONFESSIONAL - YourMother: I admit it! I’m in love with DAJK! He’s just so cool, so smart, so...ugh! It’s never going to happen! He’ll never go for someone like me!

 

WrathOfHan: Goffe, come on, are you really going to drag our team down by doing this?

Goffe: Numbers HATES me now, and he hates you by proxy. Sure I felt the spark was fading, but now we have a strategic enemy. None of this would have happened if you had just been less annoying about Wrath leaving you.

WrathOfHan: My mother was miserable since he left! I’m not going to forgive him just like that.

Goffe: You’re at least going to tolerate him until we get to the merge.

WrathOfHan: Fine.

Wrath: Hey, everyone! Got a strategy? We could go into the game with our third win.

WrathOfHan: *sighing* Yeah, I have an idea. We just have to wait for a perfect opportunity. And don’t think this means we’re back on good terms. I just want to win this week.

Arlborn: Actually, I did have one other approach. We’ve been maybe the strongest team of the game so far, and I feel like we can actually succeed fairly easily if we do this: Wrath has a bunch of guns, right?

WrathOfHan: We’re not killing anyone, Arlborn!

Arlborn: Paintball guns! We can get to the base and shoot the other competitors to buy time.

Eevin: That’s.....actually not a bad idea! I can use my computer expertise to get in.

Goffe: Arlborn, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but....I’m impressed.

Arlborn: REALLY?!?! I mean.....of course you are. My genius side is finally coming out.

Wrath: We’re loading up now. Come on team, it’s time to hustle.

Eevin: Right behind you.

 

CONFESSIONAL - WrathOfHan: Arlborn is probably acting all sweet because this is the last week his immunity exists. Any week before and we’d vote him off instantly. I’m still not sure if this will work.

CONFESSIONAL - Eevin: It’s actually a really good idea! And I’m starting to think.....wait a second. Arlborn is actually really cool when he’s not trying to be an annoying weirdo! Like a.....a.....wait. No way. It can’t be.

 

Numbers: I can’t believe Goffe did that to me! Couldn’t he have at least said something before?

Chasmmi: We have a mutual enemy, my friend. We just have to find a way to sabotage their team.

Numbers: Don’t you get it? We have to focus on supporting ourselves. We can’t just go around and sabotage others.

Chasmmi: You see, I can. Isn’t that right, guys? Guys?

*AABATTERY is cuddling with Tupac and CoolEric258 with FrankenJJ*

AABATTERY: My baby is communicating with me! He’s such a sweetie! A bit heavy but still so cute!

CoolEric258: No, mine is the cutest! *He holds the growling raccoon to AABATTERY, who winces.*

Chasmmi: Lord, CoolEric’s craziness is rubbing off on AA.

Numbers: My name is Numbers for a reason. I can get in there, just give me an opening.

Chasmmi: With pleasure.

 

CONFESSIONAL - Chasmmi: My goal was less on getting a good score for myself this week. The focus was to take down the competition. And boy, there was a lot to take down.

 

That One Guy: Okay, I have a plan. I can hack into the systems that can give us some clues on what to predict this week. Ethan could have hacked this if his evil smart-ass craziness was true in the slightest sense, but even then I doubt it.

Elcaballero: Maybe I could give it a shot?

That One Guy: I mean you can give it a shot, but it’s hardly child’s play.

Elcaballero: I ended Ethan last week. I’m not stupid or pathetic, and I’m so tired of this team writing me off as such!

That One Guy: Literally no one is writing you as such!

Elcaballero: I could have been strong, but you always steal my thunder and make me look weak, I for one, am tired of -

That One Guy: *slapping Elcaballero* Get a hold of yourself! If you’re strong, be strong! We lose again, you’re likely to be the first to go! Now come on, we’ve got a challenge to win!

Elcaballero: Yeah, sure thing.

 

*The Kitschjobs, Sadbens, and Flying Cougars enter the maze. The Cougars reach the center with paintballs ready.*

 

Eevin: I’ve been taking computer classes for several years. I know how to infiltrate this.

WrathOfHan: Hacking magic, huh? Seen it in all the movies. Do your best oh computer wizard.

Wrath: Han, what’s gotten into you today? You’re just being negative back and forth.

WrathOfHan: What am I supposed to do. It feels like everyone on this game is a bunch of mouth breathers who have a seizure if you take away their immunity. No one cares that they “still ship ChipJC, exclamation point, smiley, smiley.”

Goffe: Han?

WrathOfHan: What?

Goffe: Maybe...everyone thinks you’ve become more annoying than Arlborn.

WrathOfHan: *pause* You’re a dick.

 

*Numbers and Chasmmi find a room full of gadgets. AABATTERY uses one to take a selfie with Tupac.*

Numbers: Holy shit....I’m Numbers, and this is my favorite spot on Survivor.

Chasmmi: This is so amazing! We can use these tools to win easily!

Numbers: Yeah, they’ve gotta have some good information on there!

Chasmmi: That’s not exactly what I had in mind. Eric, have you seen Transformers?

CoolEric258: Say no more! Who is our target?

Numbers: Seriously? Chasmmi, this is ridiculous. AABATTERY, help me out here.

AABATERRY: Aww, look at Tupac! I mean, we both need to play fair! Why do you want to win in the nastiest ways possible? Do you fear you’re nothing otherwise?

Tupac: There is nothing gained through victory derived from coercion and violence beyond the bitter overtaking of a callous soul. You tread down a dark and disturbing path, Chasmmi.

*AABATTERY and Numbers look at each other with shocked expressions.*

Chasmmi: Like I care what two idiots and a baby panda think. Eric, activate the source.

CoolEric258: We get to do a thing together, FrankenJJ! Wheeeee!!!

*They find a target, the Flying Cougars, and the gadgets in the room begin to come to life. They play “Black Skinhead” through their ringtones simultaneously.*

 

*Meanwhile at the Center base*

Eevin: I’m going in! This is actually fairly easy, we just have to find a way to....oh no, an alarm!

Arlborn: Stand your ground, peeps! Something bad is coming!

*An army of robotic iPads come to life, and everyone is ready to shoot*

Arlborn: Fire!

*An epic blood bath emerges, with gadgets and gizmos coming to life and attacking the Flying Cougars.*

Eevin: Samsung is no longer the only exploding phone!

Wrath: Time for this iPhone to go bye Phone!

Goffe: And for this LG to go to Hell G!

Arlborn: Time to kick this Verizon past the horizon!

WrathOfHan: Uhh....shit! I can’t think of any good one liners! *He is suddenly captured. and almost drowns in a sea of gadgets.* Augh, help!

Eevin: Han! *They begin to drag Han away, but Wrath dives in to fight off the army and saves him.*

WrathOfHan: *After the phones have been defeated* So....this is what Jason Reitman warned us about, huh? By the way.....thank you. *He passes out.*

Eevin: I’m in! Come on everyone, let’s get to the pavilion!

 

*The Flying cougars enter their predictions and are ready to roll.*

 

Chasmmi: Ugh.....god damnit!

CoolEric258: That was so cool! Wrath is such a hero, and Eevin and Arlborn are so cute! I bet they secretly love each other!

Chasmmi: You idiot! They’re beating us! We have to move!

CoolEric258: But let’s celebrate love! Evil is boring!

Chasmmi: Well the only thing you should love, is NOT. BEING. ELIMINATED. It’s time to teach you a lesson. *He grabs FrankenJJ and throws him out a window.*

CoolEric258: NOOOOO!!!!!! *He breaks down sobbing.* Chasmmi, how could you do this!

Chasmmi: It’s time to let go of the past and focus on what really matters. Are you with me or not. If not, you WILL regret it.

CoolEric258: *Through his tears* Yes.....yes I am.

Chasmmi: Good. Forward we go.

 

*DAJK and YourMother peer behind a corner.*

DAJK: Whoa, this is a new low for Chasmmi. How could he do that to his own teammate?

YourMother: It’s so upsetting. But there is something I really need to tell you. Why I felt so obliged to agree with you all the time. I....um....I.....love eu....genics?!

DAJK: What the fuck, YourMother.

YourMother: I mean to say un....icorns!

DAJK: I do too, but come on, now.

YourMother: you..lysses?

DAJK: Really? It’s such an overrated novel.

YourMother: Augh....I can’t say it!

DAJK: Just tell me later! I think I see the pavilion, and it’s opened!

*They head towards the door, but it’s closing. YourMother’s foot is stuck as they run to the pavilion.*

YourMother: Oh no!

*DAJK begins pressing a bunch of buttons nervously, as the door continues to slide down.*

YourMother: Augh, it’s gonna crush me! Help!

DAJK: Hold on, I’m working on it! I think I’ve got it! *The door is seconds away from crushing YourMother’s foot. He begins crying in panic*

DAJK: And....got it! *YourMother is saved, he falls back onto DAJK, collapsing.*

YourMother: You’re.....my hero! *He hands DAJK his predictions.*

DAJK: Just doing what I can, mate. *He enters them.*

YourMother: *softly* I.....love you.

 

Numbers: Hurry, the pavilion must be getting close!

AABATTERY: This is a bloody maze! We can’t do this alone! *They suddenly run into That One Guy and Elcaballero*

That One Guy: Hey guys, what are you doing here?

Numbers: Trying to stay in the game. I’m guessing you are too!

Elcaballero: Yes! And I can get us through this!

That One Guy: Forgive him if he’s a little cocky this week...taking down Ethan and all last week...

Elcaballero: Shut it, TOG!

AABATTERY: I digress....Either way, what do you say to a temporary truce, if not an alliance later on!

Elcaballero: I can do that!

That One Guy: I think there’s a map nearby, we have to find it.

*They run towards the center, finding an information booth.*

Boothy: Hello, I am boothy. The pavilions are located at the center of the Oval, right of the Cinnabon and left of the Gamestop and In-Bed-Tion: The world’s first lingerie store themed exclusively off Christopher Nolan and his filmography.

That One Guy: Nice! *The other three give him weird looks.* I meant the Gamestop! I have to pick up the new Mario Kart game! We’ve got plenty of time.

Numbers: Either way, let’s move!

 

*They run past the stores, finding MrPink and Ed inside In-Bed-Tion and reach the pavilion.*

Numbers: I’m going in!

*As they enter the code, Chasmmi stops them*

Chasmmi: Well well well. If it isn’t the goody goody with some new friends.

AABATTERY: We’re on the same team, idiot brain!

Numbers: Okay, that was kind of sucky.

AABATTERY: Come on, we’re focused on something else!

Chasmmi: Give us the pavilion code, and I don’t unleash this on your new allies. *He holds another of the transformed phones*

That One Guy: Jesus, what is that?

Elcaballero: Nothing I can’t handle! Come on, mate! Bring it on. *Chasmmi lets it go, as it grabs onto Elcaballero’s face.* AUGH!

Chasmmi: Any other inquiries?

That One Guy: Uh....why is CoolEric sobbing hysterically?

CoolEric258: If you love something, let it go....

 

CONFESSIONAL - CoolEric258: *sobbing along while singing “Let It Go,” drinking an entire bottle of Moscato.”

 

Numbers: I’m in. Let’s just get our predictions in together.

*They all enter their predictions. Numbers glares at Chasmmi.*

Elcaballero: RNGH!!! AHH!!! *He randomly enters numbers at the pavilion.*

 

Spaghetti: And that’s a wrap.

 

CONFESSIONAL - WrathOfHan: *sigh* I feel horrible. I was a real jerk today. But Wrath still saved me. Maybe he does feel bad about what he did. But I don’t understand how he could do it.

CONFESSIONAL - Numbers: Chasmmi has never been this bad. Why is he even here competing?!

CONFESSIONAL - Chasmmi: I feel like my scores were let down by my alternative efforts, but now they know who I truly am. I am a force to be reckoned with.

CONFESSIONAL - DAJK: I hate Chasmmi with a passion. It’s good to see Numbers feel my pain. Then again....thinking about the opposite direction, what was YourMother trying to say to me today.....oh fuck!

 

----

 

Spaghetti: I’ll say, now THAT was a ridiculous week. New rivalries, new friendships, new love, new horrors, but alas, there must be a winner in there somewhere. Let’s check out the scores below:

 

Spoiler

 

THE FLYING COUGARS

@Eevin - 74.74%

@Arlborn - 73.91%

@Wrath - 68.09%

@Goffe - 67.68%

@WrathOfHan - 64.37%

AVERAGE: 69.76%

 

THE SADBENS

@CoolEric258 - 68.68%

@aabattery - 64.75%

@4815162342 - 61.17%

@chasmmi - 60.89%

AVERAGE: 63.88%

 

THE KITSCHJOBS

@That One Valerian - 72.69%

@DAJK - 72.61%

@YourMother - 66.01% 

@elcaballero -  65.56%

AVERAGE: 69.22%

 

 

Spaghetti: That was close, to say the least, but there is a winner, and it’s The Flying Cougars!

Elcaballero: Drat, we were so close! Victory was in our reach!

DAJK: At least we don’t have to send anyone home this week.

Spaghetti: While the Sadbens must send someone home (besides CoolEric) this week, I’m afraid that isn’t necessarily true.

DAJK: What do you mean?

Spaghetti: You see, next week will be our biggest challenge yet. You will all become galactic garudians! Except someone on the Sadbens. The challenge will be intense. It will be extreme. And....

 

Spoiler

The player with the lowest score for the weekend challenge will be INSTANTLY ELIMINATED.

 

*Everyone gasps*

Spaghetti: However, there may be an option to salvation, one that may make or break your teams.

YourMother: Go on...

 

Spoiler

 

Every team must choose ONE player to be their base guardian.

 

These players will NOT be eliminated if they have the lowest score, nor will their scores be counted in the team average for the weekend.

 

Here’s how this person will be chosen:

 

1.      Every contestant will vote for someone on their team to be their base guardian by WEDNESDAY at 11:59PM EST. THE SADBENS MUST SPECIFY IF THEIR VOTE IS FOR TRIBAL COUNCIL OR BASE GUARDIAN. (YOU CANNOT VOTE FOR YOURSELF!)

2.      If there is a tie, the team member with the highest score’s vote will be the deciding factor. If a tie still exists, I will break it myself.

3.      Base guardians will be announced on Thursday afternoon.

 

 

Spaghetti: That's right. Within the span of the next nine days, 3 players will be packing their bags and going home. Pray that it won't be you. For now, Numbers, Chasmmi, and AABATTERY are all on the chopping block. This week is gonna be rough. Find out who goes home next week on....SURVIVOR.

 

Spoiler

 

TUCK SHOP UPDATE

The Poughkeepsie Flying Cougars

Arlborn (12)

Eevin (16)

Goffe (14)

Wrath (10)

WrathOfHan (9)

 

The Kitschjobs

DAJK (9)

Elcaballero (9)

YourMother (2)

That One Guy (4)

 

The Sadbens

4815162342 (3)

AABATTERY (2)

Chasmmi (13)

CoolEric258 (4)

 

*STAIN REMOVER - 6 Coins (Removes the weakest score in your weekend prediction)

**RECYCLED PAD - 8 Coins (Doubles your vote in the Tribal Council)

*TIME MACHINE - 9 Coins (You have until 1PM EST on FRIDAY to submit predictions)

**MAGIC MIRROR - 8 Coins (Force another contestant to reveal their vote(s) in the Tribal Council)

**MARIONETTE - 12 Coins (Allows you to replace someone else's vote in Tribal Council - you may use this even if you are not a candidate for elimination) 

*Must be redeemed by Thursday at 11:59PM EST

**Must be redeemed by Tuesday at 11:59PM EST

 

WEEKEND CHALLENGE

Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume 2 (Thursday Previews)

Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume 2 (Friday)

Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume 2 (Sunday)

Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume 2 (3-day)

The Lovers (3-day)

The Circle (3-day)

How to be a Latin Lover (3-day)

Born in China (3-day)

Free Fire (3-day)

The Promsie (3-day)

The Fate of the Furious (Saturday)

The Fate of the Furious (Sunday)

The Lost City of Z (3-day)

Gifted (3-day)

Going in Style (3-day)

Beauty and the Beast (3-day)

 

PREDICTIONS ARE DUE THURSDAY AT 11:59PM EST

 

TRIBAL COUNCIL: SADBENS ONLY

Predict the Tuesday grosses of the following

The Circle

How to be a Latin Lover

Unforgettable

The Lost City of Z

Get Out

 

PREDICTIONS ARE DUE TUESDAY AT 11:59PM EST

 

FLASH FIGHT

Ooga chaka ooga chaka. Answer the following questions regarding GOTG2’s opening, connecting to its stars.

 

1. JAMES GUNN wrote Scooby-Doo 2, which had its first Sunday gross $84.217m. Will this number be less than GOTG2’s combined Saturday and Sunday gross?
2. CHRIS PRATT appeared in Wanted, which had a $50.927m OW and a $134.509m total. What will be smaller: the difference between GOTG2’s Friday gross and Wanted’s OW, or the difference between GOTG2’s opening weekend and Wanted’s total?
3. BRADLEY COOPER was nominated for an Oscar in Silver Linings Playbook. Will GOTG2 exceed Playbook’s $132m total?
4. What movie in ZOE SALDANA’s filmography (per BOM) will have a total gross closest to GOTG2’s Friday gross? (i.e. suppose Guardians makes $45m on Sunday. The answer would be Death at a Funeral)
5. What movie in KURT RUSSELL’s filmography (per BOM) will have a total gross closest to GOTG2’s Sunday gross? (i.e. suppose Guardians makes $45m on Sunday. The answer would be Tequila Sunrise)
6. VIN DIESEL starred in Pitch Black, which grossed $39.241m. How many days this weekend will GOTG2’s daily number exceed this amount? (say it has a 60-40-25 weekend - the answer would be two)
7. ELIZABETH DEBICKI starred in Macbeth, which made approximately $1.111m domestic. Will the difference in GOTG2’s weekend estimate and weekend actual exceed this amount?
8. KAREN GILLIAN is also in The Circle, currently in theatres. Will GOTG2 outgross The Circle’s 8-day total (i.e. through Friday May 5th) from Thursday previews alone?
9. KEVIN FIEGE’s second MCU film was The Incredible Hulk. Can GOTG2 outgross its $134.807m gross from its opening weekend alone?

 

The winner will be guaranteed immunity, even if they got the lowest score, this weekend.

The loser will receive no new tuck shop coins for the remainder of the game. They can trade with players, however.

 

PREDICTIONS ARE DUE THURSDAY AT 11:59PM EST

 

[Eevin]

[aabattery]

[That One Girl]

17 minutes ago, Spaghetti of 1000 Planets said:

Spoiler

The player with the lowest score for the weekend challenge will be INSTANTLY ELIMINATED.

 

 

My mouth is on the floor.

[WrathOfHan]

[Ezen Baklattan]

*For the Flash Fight, tiebreakers will be determined by whoever sent predictions first.

[Wrath]

Poughkeepsie State, where box office results are predicted with the speed and savagery of a flying cougar.

 

Edit- any chance we can get the flash fight bonus to apply to NEXT week's results?

Edited May 1, 2017 by Wrath

[Ezen Baklattan]

3 minutes ago, Wrath said:

Poughkeepsie State, where box office results are predicted with the speed and savagery of a flying cougar.

 

Edit- any chance we can get the flash fight bonus to apply to NEXT week's results?

Nope, FF results only apply to this week's. Sorry!

[WrathOfHan]

@Spaghetti of 1000 Planets If the base guardian is the lowest score, does someone else on the team get eliminated? 

[DAJK]

Wait so how are 3 people going home? One from the sadbens this week, and then someone from next week's crazy challenge... where's the third player?

[YM!]

@Spaghetti of 1000 Planets, I'm really busy this week. I don't think I'd be able to get this weeks predictions until like Friday Night. I have some big AP exams and need to study. I'm asking you could I be exempted from this weeks challenge or be my team's guardian.

[YM!]

5 minutes ago, DAJK said:

Wait so how are 3 people going home? One from the sadbens this week, and then someone from next week's crazy challenge... where's the third player?

I'm assuming someone on the losing team.

[SLAM!]

So this is an EVENT! Can't wait!

 

[Ezen Baklattan]

A few notes from this week's crazy schedule:

• Three people will be eliminated in the following ways:
  • Tribal Council from this week
  • Tribal Council from next week
  • The lowest score from this week from a non-guardian player
• If the lowest score is from a base guardian, the next lowest score will be eliminated.
• Question 4 of the Flash Fight includes previews.

[aabattery]

57 minutes ago, YourMother said:

@Spaghetti of 1000 Planets, I'm really busy this week. I don't think I'd be able to get this weeks predictions until like Friday Night. I have some big AP exams and need to study. I'm asking you could I be exempted from this weeks challenge or be my team's guardian.

 

Try see if someone would lend you coins to get the time machine.

[YM!]

Just now, aabattery said:

 

Try see if someone would lend you coins to get the time machine.

I still would be out of time, the test ends at 2 PM EST.

[Eevin]

2 hours ago, YourMother said:

@Spaghetti of 1000 Planets, I'm really busy this week. I don't think I'd be able to get this weeks predictions until like Friday Night. I have some big AP exams and need to study. I'm asking you could I be exempted from this weeks challenge or be my team's guardian.

If you ask your team to be the guardian, I'm sure they'd understand.

[SLAM!]

@DAJK @elcaballero @That One Valerian I'm personally vouching for @YourMother to be the team's guardian despite him not being able to send in a score. It works out for everyone in the long run and he is a considerably valuable contender in the overall game. I think he has earned this favor.

 

That's just my two cents.

[YM!]

2 minutes ago, slambros said:

@DAJK @elcaballero @That One Valerian I'm personally vouching for @YourMother to be the team's guardian despite him not being able to send in a score. It works out for everyone in the long run and he is a considerably valuable contender in the overall game. I think he has earned this favor.

 

That's just my two cents.

I've talked to both @DAJK and @That One Valerian so we're good!

[Arlborn]

I'm glad everyone is finally recognizing my genius.

 

It's hard to dislike me for long as I'm just too damn charming, sorry @Eevin