Yeah you pretty much sum it all up here.
The Iron Man connection is one of a few things that bring these movies down, as well as Spider-Man's characterization. It's ironic; if the character wasn't owned by Sony, and therefore not "loaned" to the MCU but fully in the MCU, I don't know if Marvel Studios would even bother having the connection because the film would sell itself being an MCU film. In reality, what we have is Sony's 3rd attempt at a Spider-Man franchise so they have to cram the Iron Man connections in there to sell the movie.
They tried to have the character learn to go his own way in FFH, but the problem is he still ended up inheriting a bunch of tech from Stark so the connection is very much there. I wish we could have a Peter Parker who makes his own suit and web shooters. Ya know, like the comic book Spider-Man.