CAYOM VII - The Academy Awards

[Ezen Baklattan]

Scoring both Sound awards...

 

[Alpha]

Fassbender: Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Piggy of the Muppets!

 

[applause, Miss Piggy comes onto stage, covered in drastic amounts of makeup]

 

[laughter]

 

Miss Piggy: Why do I get called back for these awards so much! Oh well, here are the nominees for Best Makeup & Hairstyling!

 

THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE LION, THE WITCH, AND THE WARDROBE

THE ONCE AND FUTURE KING: THE QUEEN OF AIR AND DARKNESS

THE RISE AND FALL OF JULIUS CAESAR

THE STORYTELLER

THE TERRIBLE PLIGHT OF FREDDY ZAPPER

 

Miss Piggy: Well, the winner is...

 

THE RISE AND FALL OF JULIUS CAESAR

 

Winners: Thank you and good night.

 

Fassbender: Seeing how a Progressive executive is shoving $1 million in Don Mischer's face, it's time for a commerical break. Will be back in a moment!

 

[applause]

[4815162342]

JC's now in the multiples too

[Blankments]

I make a movement that each Oscars from now on requires the appearance of at least one Muppet.

[Blankments]

This following advertisement is brought to you by Critics Against Alesia (Although The Rise And Fall of Julius Caesar Was Pretty F*cking Awesome)

Blankments Logo. We see a newscaster doing a special.

Newscaster (Simon Pegg): Today marks the fiftieth anniversary of the day the “last six” saved the United States and in turn, the world.

FROM WRITER-DIRECTOR BRAD BIRD

We cut to rapid cuts of all six gods; Dionysus (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), Ares (Armie Hammer), Loki (Andrew Garfield), Freyja (AnnaSophia Robb), Isis (Olivia Wilde), and Osiris (Chris Pine).

Newscaster (v.o.): For the past fifty years, they have protected us all, each taking a continent to guard.

COMES THIS SUMMER’S

We see our first look at Lust (Charlize Theron), overlooking London.

Lust: Today, I finish what my husband started.

BIGGEST RETURN

We do rapid cuts of Loki flying through ruined Asgard, Dionysius passionately kissing Isis, Ares flying in a war-chariot, and Professor Cartel (Matt Smith) loading a gun. We then cut back to Lust standing over London.

Lust: Today, I begin the New World.

London begins sinking into a giant sinkhole; we follow Big Ben crumbling into dust.

RETURN OF THE LAST SIX

We cut to the Last Six all standing in what appears to be a college lecture hall.

Freyja: This is great news, worthy of great celebration.

Dionysius: *smirks* I’ll get the wine.

MAY 28
FILMED COMPLETELY IN IMAX 3D

 

 

[Alpha]

Fassbender: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, Ralph Lauren!

 

[big applause, Lauren walks onto stage.

 

Lauren: I have been working in the fashion circut for nearly 40 years, and I am pleased to be presenting the award for Best Costume Design tonight.

 

Lauren: Costumes help add to a film content, and add context to the time period or setting. It helps add to the overall depth of the film.

 

Lauren: Tonight, 5 movies will be recognized for their amazing costume design, and so, without further ado, the nominees for Best Costume Design.

 

ASSASSIN'S CREED

THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE LION, THE WITCH, AND THE WARDROBE

THE ONCE AND FUTURE KING: THE QUEEN OF AIR AND DARKNESS

THE RISE AND FALL OF JULIUS CAESAR

THE STORYTELLER

 

Lauren: And the winner is...

 

THE RISE AND FALL OF JULIUS CAESAR

 

Winner: 3 awards? Already?! We're on a roll! Thank you, AMPAS, and good night!

[Alpha]

Fassbender: Ladies and gentlemen, may I present, the first 6 minutes of Kevin Wilmott's latest, Hoof!

 

[applause, screen rises down]

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“The belief that boys shouldn't be interested in girl things is the main reason there's hardly anything decent for girls in animation--- or almost any media, for that matter. It's a backwards, sexist, outdated attitude.” - Lauren Faust

 

We cut to a black background. We then hear the intro lyrics to Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody,” though they sound different, as if it is a cover. Out of the shadows on the the cue of a line, comes four of the main characters of the TV show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Spike takes center-stage, while Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy continue with the intro. Cutting to the ballad part, Rarity is seen playing on the piano, singing the original lyrics. Applejack plays the drums. Lyrics like “I’m just a poor boy” are replaced with “I’m just a poor pony.” A bit in, the guitar part from Pinkie Pie comes. After the ballad section, Pinkie Pie does the guitar solo, almost knocking over everything on set, to the other main characters amusement. Soon enough, the opera section comes in. Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Twilight and Applejack participate in this section. Halfway through, they crack their voices, and they cover their mouths with their hooves in embarrassment. Spike chuckles, and they move on to the hard rock. Pinkie Pie does vocals, and Twilight, Fluttershy and Rarity do other instruments. Rarity says to herself, someone as fine and dashing as her should not be playing the drums. After this, it comes to the outro, where everyone gets on stage. Every character from the show comes in, and sings the final lyric, “Any way the wind blows.”

 

After the song is done, Twilight thanks everyone for coming, and the other characters leave out a back door. The lights switch on, and we find ourselves on a stage. There’s one pony in the audience, Big Macintosh, who just says “Eeyup,” and leaves. Twilight looks behind, and sees half of the stage destroyed, as Pinkie Pie bounces around. Twilight is a bit aggrivated, and mutters she has a lot to clean up. Spike comes up, and asks her what was the purpose of the opening musical number. Twilight replies, “Actually, that’s a great question. I have no idea.” Twilight then asks Spike to get a book called “Hoof.” Spike gets the book, and presents it to Twilight. Twilight uses her magic to lift the book out of her hand, and flips through the pages. She then finds presumably Chapter 1, and sparks with energy. She begins to read out loud.

 

“This is a story different from stories known to everypony. This story is different. This story is about what one piece of entertainment changed the Internet and the world. And maybe gender stereotypes here and there. It is not yet proven whether this is for the greater good, but we know it happened. This is Hoof.”

 

Twilight shrugs, and says, “Well, it’s worth a try.”

 

HOOF, IN THEATERS THIS NOVEMBER

[Alpha]

Fassbender: Ladies and gentlemen, Natalie Portman!

 

[applause, Portman walks onto stage]

 

Portman: The art direction of a movie can effect it's look. By a large margin. Not much else, but here are the nominees for Best Production Design.

 

THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE LION, THE WITCH, AND THE WARDROBE

JOURNEY

THE ONCE AND FUTURE KING: THE QUEEN OF AIR AND DARKNESS

THE RISE AND FALL OF JULIUS CAESAR

THE TERRIBLE PLIGHT OF FREDDY ZAPPER

 

Portman: And the winner is...

 

THE RISE AND FALL OF JULIUS CAESAR

 

Winner: Man, we have 4 wins already! This is getting crazy! Thank you, AMPAS, and my family for encouraging me to do my work that I do!

[Blankments]

Hoping for the first Supporting award to happen soon, gotta save some techies for later.

[Ezen Baklattan]

I think we all expected a Julius Caesar sweep in the artistic categories.

[Alpha]

Hoping for the first Supporting award to happen soon, gotta save some techies for later.

 

It's going from top to bottom. Techies should be done soon.

[Alpha]

Fassbender: Ladies and gentlemen, Peter Jackson!

 

[applause, one boo from a crowd labeled as "Fishnets"]

 

[Jackson walks onto stage, holding a camera in hand]

 

Jackson: There are so many things you can do with a camera, like-

 

[Jackson points his camera, laughter]

 

Jackson: ...Doing beautiful landscape shots, or intense shaking, or even-

 

[Jackson points his camera, laughter]

 

Jackson: ...ambient stillness. These 5 films exceeded the regular basis for-

 

[Jackson points his camera, laughter]

 

Jackson: ...good cinematography, and now they are up for Best Cinematography. Ladies and gentlemen-

 

[Jackson points his camera, weaker laughter]

 

Jackson: ...here are the nominees.

 

THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE LION, THE WITCH, AND THE WARDROBE

EXTRASENSORY

JOURNEY

THE RISE AND FALL OF JULIUS CAESAR

RISK MANAGEMENT

 

Jackson: And the winner is...

 

JOURNEY

 

Winner: Journey was a thrilling experience. From a techinical standpoint, it's one of the most complex films I've even done camerawork on, and the Academy was smart enough to recognize that.

[Blankments]

It's going from top to bottom. Techies should be done soon.

 

Oh, that's no fun. I have no techie contenders...

[Alpha]

A commercial break has begun. The Oscars will be back in a few.

[Ezen Baklattan]

Currently 8/10 with my predictions.

[Blankments]

Well, now that it's break, I have something I want to say.

 

Fassbender: And on to A Woman In The Crowd. A poignant story of courage and love, along with one of the best performances of the year by Anna Kendrick, who is up for Best Actress tonight. Where is she now?

[applause, camera glances at Kendrick, smiling]

Fassbender: Kendrick, remember. The only thing you can do is pray on Oscar night.

[laughter]

Fassbender: But A Woman In The Crowd is a great movie indeed. Well, do some research on the internet. It’s based off MLP fanfiction.

[laughter]

Fassbender: Seriously? It completely changes your perspective on the film, doesn’t it?

[laughter]

 

 

I'm really happy no one wrote off Woman based off the source material. I figured it'd get some backlash after I posted what it was adapted from, but it ended up being my most acclaimed movie of the year. Thanks guys.

[Ezen Baklattan]

And my main threat for Best Actress.

[4815162342]

THE RISE AND FALL OF JULIUS CAESAR

 

Winner: Man, we have 4 wins already! This is getting crazy! Thank you, AMPAS, and my family for encouraging me to do my work that I do!

 

 

[Blankments]

And my main threat for Best Actress.

 

I'm kinda happy Streep got put in Supporting now; I feel like she won't split the vote for a contender of mine as much there as she would've in Actress.

[Alpha]

Fassbender: Ladies and gentlemen, Ed Helms!

 

[applause, Helms walks on stage]

 

Helms: In the same way Ke$ha "autotunes" her voice, editing is a very important way to make a film better than it may seem.

 

[laughter]

 

Helms: With that, editing needs to be perfect. You can't have super focused frames for 20 seconds, or slight flashes that could give someone a seizure.

 

[small laughter]

 

Helms: Anyways, here are the nominees for Best Film Editing.

 

BLANK

EXTRASENSORY

THE RISE AND FALL OF JULIUS CAESAR

RISK MANAGEMENT

A WOMAN IN THE CROWD

 

Helms: It's worth noting that the winner of Best Film Editing usually matches up with Best Picture. This could be the big winner of the night, folks. The winner is...

 

RISK MANAGEMENT

 

Winners: Oh boy, this is a great sign! Hopefully we'll luck out later. Either way, I'm happy that AMPAS recognized me for this big award, along with my team. Thank you!