CAYOM YEAR 9: Part 1 (FOURTH QUARTER) (DEADLINE- 11/16 10:59 PM EST)

[CJohn]

Move Silent Invasion to October 25.

[CJohn]

Watch_Dogs
Genre: Action/Adventure/Sci-Fi
Date: November 15
Theaters: 3,991
Format: 2D and IMAX
Director: Justin Lin
Cast: Aiden Pearce – Jeremy Renner
Damien Brenks – Tom Cruise
Raymond 'T-Bone' Kenney – Jared Leto
Nicole Pearce – Rebecca Hall
Delford 'IRAQ' Wade – Dayo Okeniyi
Jordi Chin – Hiroyuki Sanada
Dermot 'Lucky' Quinn – Terence Stamp
Charlotte Gardner – Viola Davis
Rating: PG-13 for intense sequences of violence, action and destruction, and language
Runtime: 133 minutes
Budget: 130M
Tagline: “Hacking is their weapon” | “Who watches the Watch Dogs?”

October 2012.

 

We see a man entering a bank with a hat and a jacket. We see a smartphone in his pocket. We see another man inside a car, waiting. The man in the bank (Aiden Pearce) reaches a computer and connects his smartphone. The man in the car (Damien) launches a blackout in the bank.

 

Aiden transfers the files but there is a strange file in the list, and they alert what appears to be another hacker. Aiden runs to the car. Damien starts the car and tells him that they should find the hacker. Aiden refuses to do it. Damien stops in front of Aiden’s house. Aiden tells him that he will take his family to a secure place.

 

Aiden enters the house and takes his sister and their 2 children (Jackson and Lena) to their jeep. Nicole Pearce asks what the hell is going on. The kids seem scared in the back seat. Aiden tells them that everything is going to be okay. Aiden sees throw the mirrors that 2 persons are chasing him in motorcycles.

 

Aiden accelerates while the 2 men keep chasing him. Aiden pulls a gun and tells Nicole and the kids to keep their heads down. Aiden points the gun at one of the man and shoots. They are coming closer and closer to Aiden’s jeep. 

 

Aiden is able to kill one of them. The other shoots and the bullet hits Lena (this scene is in slow motion with Nicole screaming and trying to put herself in front of the bullet and with Aiden looking behind to see what happened). When Aiden looks in front it hits a car and the jeep crashes and ends upside down. Aiden sees the other man running away while his eyes closed and we hear the noise of the police arriving to the scene.

 

W A T C H _ D O G S

September 2013

 

We see Aiden in the locker room of a baseball stadium in Chicago. Aiden is pointing his gun to a man. It is the man who shot his niece. Aiden asks the man who sent him to kill him in that night. He doesn’t answer. Aiden grabs a baseball bat and threatens the man with it. After a few seconds where the man says nothing, Aiden hits him in the head and leaves him unconscious.

 

Aiden hacks his phone and leaves. In the entrance, someone points a gun at him, but from behind Jordi Chin attacks him and saves Aiden. Aiden thanks him and asks who that was. Jordi says it was the man that was supposed to protect Maurice, and that Aiden didn’t have to worry about it. Aiden tells him that Maurice is inside unconscious. Jordi tells Aiden that he will take care of him.

 

Aiden thanks him and leaves. Aiden tries to escape the stadium without being seen. He hacks a door through a security camera. Aiden reaches an area where there is a guard. To distract him, he throws a lure and the guard goes check it out. Aiden is able to escape to the stairs without being seen. Aiden hacks the guard and gets a security code.

 

Aiden reaches a place where there are lots of guards. We see the baseball game ongoing. Aiden hacks panel that takes him to the basement and there he gets full access. Aiden pushes a button in the smartphone. We see a wide shot of the stadium with the lights turning off.

 

Aiden passes through the guards. He puts one unconscious. Aiden is able to reach the garage where he has a vehicle. He goes inside the vehicle. While we see him driving, we hear his story thought his voice. We find out he is now known as The Vigilant and he uses the ctOS to enter every system and control whatever he wants in the city. His real identity is a secret to the rest of the world. And he will not rest until he finds the man who killed his niece. Aiden reaches a motel, enters his room and goes to sleep.

In the next day, Aiden receives a job. He has to deliver a fugitive Dermot “Lucky” Quinn. He does it undetected, while choosing hidden streets to escape. He reaches his goal and delivers the man. He starts to apologize himself to Lucky, but he doesn’t care, saying that the city didn’t deserved people like him that weren’t able to do anything correctly, and shoots him.

 

Lucky thanks Aiden for the job and pays him. Aiden leaves. He passes in a toy store and buys his niece a present. His birthday is in the following day. In that day, Aiden went to her sister’s house. He talks to his niece and his sister. When he is there, her sister received a phone call. Aiden used his phone to hack Nicole’s phone and hear the conversation. After that, Nicole doesn’t tell him anything about the phone call. Aiden leaves to the place where the phone call was made from.

 

We see Damien in a car, paying a man and thank him for making the phone call. Damien starts to smoke a cigar. He grabs some pictures of a black man (Iraq). After seeing them, he receives a phone call. It is a man telling him that they need a man with the skills of Aiden for the plan to work. Damien tells him that he will try to convince Aiden. The man turns off.

Damien sees Aiden arriving to the place where the phone call was made, gets out of the car and goes to the place as well. He meets with Aiden. Damien tells Aiden that he needs his help and that is his time to get back into the business. Aiden tells him that he doesn’t do that anymore and refuses to help. Aiden says that he only wants to find the man who ordered the attack on his family and killed Lena.

 

Damien tells him to forget that, it is past and that he has to look into the future. Aiden answers by saying that he lives to protect his family. Aiden leaves while Damien screams and tells him to come back and help him. Aiden gets into a car. Damien grabs his phone and calls the same person he was talking before, telling him that Aiden didn’t accept to work with him. The man answers by saying that they need to turn to plan B.

 

Jordi contacts Aiden and tells him that he has a job. Aiden is driving, and he says he is not in a good mood and that had some problems today. Jordi tells him that the payment is good and that it is an easy job. Aiden says he doesn’t care much about the payment but since Jordi helped him before and he will repay the favor.

 

Aiden meets with Jordi in an old warehouse. Jordi tells Aiden to put some bombs in there and that he will be on the roof to kill some of the persons that could escape. Aiden asks who those persons are and Jordi tells him that they are just some gang of the zone that the rival gang wants to eliminate. Aiden isn’t pleased with what Jordi says but he accepts it.

 

Jordi goes outside to the roof, and Aiden plants some bombs at each of the entrances. One of the jeeps arrives and stops over the bomb. Aiden activates the bomb and the jeep explodes with 2 or 3 guys still inside it while the other 2 are outside. One of them still tries to get up and Aiden kills him with his gun.

 

The other group stops a bit far away from the bomb. Aiden stays down. We hear a shot and one of them falls. All the others look above while Aiden throws a grenade and kills the rest. Aiden gets out of the place where he was hiding and meets with Jordi. Aiden asks what they do with the other jeep. Jordi says he always knows, points his gun to the gas tank of the car and shoots, making it explode. Jordi smiles while Aiden just looks.

 

Later, we see Aiden already in his home and he receives a message. It is a video to see. He gets up and sits in the bed where he was resting. It is a video from Nicole’s house. Damien shows up and tells Aiden that if he ever wants to see his sister he needs to obey. He also says he got lucky because his niece was getting home when he attacked Nicole and run away. Damien sends an IP address and tells Aiden to find out what it is.

 

Aiden deciphers the origin of the code. His origin was Rossi-Fremont. That was place where all the gangs where together. His leader was Iraq. He lived in the main building, and all the area had maximum security. To infiltrate and find out what Damien wanted, Aiden decides to recur to the help of Raymond “T-Bone” Kenney.

T-Bone grew up a tinkerer and a basement hacker before the Internet was barely a byte. He can’t help challenging his mind to unlock areas forbidden to him. And it hasn't gone without punishment. But he’ll take his jobs, and he’ll give his share in return.

Raymond Kenney was one of the software engineers hired to help make ctOS, as he has extensive knowledge of the system. Kenney was a whistle blower of the Blume Corporation, who installed an implant in his head which alerts the ctOS whenever he is nearby. Eventually Kenney grew to regret his role in creating ctOS, as he began to realize both the extent of control it afforded corporations and governments over people, as well the risks it provided if it were to be tampered with or malfunction.

 

Kenney had also become paranoid about Blume's activities, such as their action prediction software, again due to the level of control it provided them. He recorded several of his reflections on ctOS in audio logs, which he hid in the mainframe of his workplace's computer system. The logs were encrypted so that only a fellow engineer could decrypt and read them, which Angela Balik ended up doing upon being recruited by Blume.

 

Eventually Kenney was fired from Blume for his growing, and outspoken, objections to their activities. He was subsequently removed from his workplace while shouting warnings about Blume and ctOS, a scene witnessed by several of his co-workers. Kenney began to openly oppose Blume and the ctOS network in the wake of his firing, going on to cause the 2003 North East Blackout by hacking ctOS in order to show the dangers of an entire infrastructure relying on one system. The blackout caused the accidental deaths of eleven people, causing Kenney to feel extreme guilt and leading him to go 'off the grid' in order to avoid detection by Blume and the authorities.

 

Kenney adopted the alias of 'T-Bone' and began drinking heavily due to both his guilt over the deaths he caused as well as his bitterness in Blume firing him. The blackout, however, led to him becoming highly revered by those who protested against Blume, such as DedSec, and well known in the hacking community.

 

Aiden knows he was last seen in the countryside of Chicago. He goes in search of T-Bone there. He asks around and searches some IPs until he finds T-Bone. T-Bone says he doesn’t want to return to the city. Aiden tells him that he will help him to clean his image in exchange of him helping him. Aiden tells T-Bone about Damien and his sister being locked somewhere.

 

T-Bone decides to agree. T-Bone says that they will need a place to operate. Both of them arrive to some bridges that connect to an island in the middle of the sea.  Aiden asks what they are doing there. T-Bone tells him to do his thing with the cellphone and hack the bridge. Aiden does it and the bridge starts to turn. Aiden and T-Bone cross it to the other side. Aiden hacks the bridge again.

 

T-Bone shows Aiden the bunker, a place where they are safe and have more power to decipher data and not being found. Aiden receives a phone call from Damien. Aiden says he will now start to work on what he asked. Aiden says he wants to know if his sister is ok. Damien lets him talk with his sister. Nicole says she is ok and begs Aiden to save her. Aiden says he will. Aiden tells Damien that he asked T-Bone for help. Damien says that is not a good idea because of his past with ctOS. Aiden says he needs him and that if Damien wants the data he will have to accept that. Damien accepts it and turns off the phone. After that, he calls the man he was talking with earlier in the movie and asks for a meeting with him and Charlotte Gardner (Charlotte Gardner is the VP of public relations at Blume and is tasked with handling media reaction about CtOS. She continually praises CtOS in its effectiveness in Chicago despite significant exploitation by hackers.)

 

Aiden asks T-Bone to analyze the phone call with Nicole. After that, he tells him that he will go to Rossi-Fremont to steal the data. T-Bone says he will help him to go into the building. Aiden calls Jordi and asks him for help. Jordi tells him that he will have a sniper and help him from the rooftops.

 

Aiden arrives to the Rossi-Fremont. He enters in the back. We see Iraq giving orders to some of his gang members. Aiden walks very slow and his able to take down the guard that was in the door without anyone noticing, and gets inside. Aiden hacks some cameras. He sees a guard at the top of the stairs. Suddenly, we see it falling from the first floor.

 

Aiden looks outside and sees Jordi in the rooftop. Aiden moves forward to the top. He keeps hiding and hacking the cameras to know where the guards are, while takes down some of them and Jordi kills some others.

 

Meanwhile, Damien arrives in the Blume Corporation, where the man (revealed to be Lucky (Lucky isn't a pampered mob boss - he fought for everything he owns and he's still fighting. He's an intense, imposing man who has survived countless attempts on his own life. As head of the Chicago South Club, Quinn knows embracing technology is what elevates his operation to unparalleled success in the criminal underworld)) and Charlotte expect him. Damien says he has the location of T-Bone. Lucky smiles, saying that they can’t have T-Bone around. Charlotte thanks him, and asks him what he wants in return for that information. Damien smiles.

 

We go back to Aiden. He reaches the top of the building. There, he finds Iraq. Aiden and Iraq fight. In the middle of it, they stop, and Iraq says he has infos on everyone in that computer, and that he can’t let Aiden get away with it. Iraq grabs a shotgun while Aiden hides. He checks his gun and he sees he has no bullets left.

 

Iraq starts to shoot. T-Bone calls Aiden and tells him that he can hack the computer and start downloading the data. Aiden does that. Iraq continues to search for Aiden, and he is getting closer. Jordi tries to find an angle from where he can hit Iraq. Aiden starts to search for things in his pocket. He finds a bait that throws to the other side of the room.

 

Iraq hears the noise and goes check it. When Iraq gets closer, Aiden activates it and it explodes. Aiden gets up and goes to Iraq. He grabs the shot gun and kills him. The download is almost complete. He receives a phone call from Jordi. He thanks him. Jordi asks him if he already has the data. He answers yes, but says he can’t decipher it. Jordi asks if they were doing that in vein, but Aiden says he was expecting this and that he has a friend that will help him. Jordi says it is great for Aiden and tells him it was fun to help him. He turns off. The download is complete. Aiden grabs Iraq’s phone.

 

Aiden calls T-Bone while he leaves the building. T-Bone says he will be able to decipher the code. He also says he isolated a sound in Nicole’s phone call and that he knows where she is, and he will send the location to Aiden. Aiden recognizes the place, and thanks T-Bone.

 

Aiden is now in front of the building and goes to his car. On his way, he calls Damien, telling him that he already has the data and that they should meet in front of Rossi-Fremont.  Damien agrees and says he will go there now. Aiden gets into the car, saying he can’t wait for their meeting. He turns off the phone and connects the car. While driving, Aiden checks Iraq’s phone, and sees his contacts. There is one with the name Cousin Bedbug. He calls to that number. He says that Iraq is dead and that Damien killed him, and that he is still in Rossi-Fremont. The voice on the other side asks who is talking, but Aiden turns off the call.

 

When Aiden gets closer to the warehouse where Nicole is, he hacks into the security cameras. Aiden kills her guard with a power box before calling her on a nearby cellphone, instructing her to pick up the gun. No sooner than she does, a fixer walks into the room and she incidentally shoots and kills him.

 

Aiden tells her to calm down, that he will guide her to outside the building, and that they need to make no noise, because Damien can’t find out until it is too late. This is a tense scene, where Aiden guides Nicole to outside the building, making her avoid the guards. After she finally gets away, Aiden tells her to get into a car nearby. The car is where Aiden is.

 

Meanwhile, Damien gets to Rossi-Fremont. He calls for Aiden, but nobody answers. Damien gets closer to the entrance of the building and pulls his gun out. He peeks into the building and only sees dead bodies. Some cars arrive. Damien hides inside. A man screams that they have seen him (never confirmed, but it is Bedbug). Around 10 people get out of the 2 cars that arrived.

 

Damien grabs one of the guns. Two men get in. Damien grabs one of them and breaks his neck while kills the other with his gun. He grabs another gun’s charger and puts it in his pocket. He goes to the first floor. The other 8 man get in. The man in the middle (Bedbug) says that he should get out. The men go to the first floor.

 

Damien rolls up and kills the one at the top of the stairs. He gets up and kills another one that was in the elevator as soon as the doors open. Others shoot against him, but Damien hides. Three more men go to the stairs to the first floor. When they get there, they look around. At their right side there is a sticky bomb in the wall. One of them screams bomb. We see Damien clicking a bomb in the cell phone and it explodes, killing the three men.

 

The 3 men left are still below. Damien gets out of his hideout and passes through the smoke.  He shoots the two men around the leader. Bedbug runs away. We see Damien going after him in a slow pace. Bedbug gets into a car. Damien shoots against Bedbug’s shoulder. Bedbug screams in pain and gets out of the car. Damien gets into his car. Connects it and runs over Bedbug. He gets out. Bedbug is almost dead. Damien shoots him and takes his cellphone. He hacks it and finds out that it was Aiden that made the call. He throws the cellphone away and calls Lucky, saying that Aiden betrayed them. Lucky tells him to get rid of Aiden.

Aiden is now outside of the city with his sister and his niece (the kid was with a friend of his mom). He says goodbye and tells her that will correct everything. This is an emotional scene. Aiden leaves them and goes back to the city. He receives a call from T-Bone. He tells him that it was Lucky who ordered the hit. There is a conversation between Lucky and Mayor Donovan Rushmore about it in the data. Aiden goes to the Merlaut to confront him.

 

Lucky is able to get inside a division where Aiden can’t get in. Lucky tells him that he thought Aiden was after the footage of the Mayor killing Rose Washington, and couldn’t allow that to happen. Lucky also tells him that he won’t be able to touch him inside that division. Aiden says he didn’t even know about the fucking video. And that the mistake of Lucky cost the life of his little niece. Furious and desperate at the same time, Aiden finds a weakness in Lucky, he uses a pacemaker. Aiden hacks the pacemaker and makes it stop, killing Lucky slowly. Aiden sits in a chair crying a lot. We see flashbacks of Aiden playing with Lena in a park.

T-Bone calls Aiden saying they were being hacked and that someone was taking over the system. Before getting the information erased, Aiden decides to reveal it to the whole city. Every dark secret from every important person revealed. Aiden sits and cries, thinking about what happened to his family. He thinks on Lena.

 

Aiden receives a call from Damien. Damien tells him that he is happy that he killed Lucky. Aiden asks how he knows. Damien says he now knows everything since he got the ctOS. He also says he is happy because Lucky was an old fool. He says he was only working for him because of the money. Damien tells Aiden to go outside. It is already night. On every screen of the city it starts to pass the information that Aiden is the vigilant. Damien has revealed the real identity of the vigilant.

 

Damien says he should never have screwed him, and turns off. Everyone is looking at Aiden, with some people at the phone calling the police. We hear the police cars from far away. T-Bone calls Aiden telling him that both of them need to disappear. Aiden says that he needs to finish this before doing that. T-Bone says he was expecting an answer like that. He tells him that he needs to upload a virus in the ctOS central to cause a blackout in order to find out where Damien is, and that virus will also clean their states. Aiden thanks him and T-Bone turns off the phone saying it is show time.

 

Aiden sees the police getting closer and runs to a rail line that is close. Aiden sees there is a train approaching. The police continues to chase Aiden. We see the police man getting out of the cars after Aiden jumped over a net. They pull their guns and tells him to stop. Aiden stops. He turns around with the hands in the air. One of them holds the cell phone. The train is about to pass behind Aiden when he clicks on the phone and the train stops. The doors open and Aiden gets inside. The police don’t shoot because that could hurt the civilians.

 

We see one of the police man asking what the destiny of that train was. We go back to Aiden. He stops the train and hacks a car to steal it without trigger the alarm. Aiden sets the GPS to the ctOS central. Suddenly, he starts to see random police alerts happening all over the city. Damien shows up in every screen. He tells him that this is just the beginning. The police receives the alarms and starts to chase Aiden. More and more police cars start to show up behind Aiden.

 

Damien explodes with the manhole covers in the road. Some police cars crash against each other. A few of them capsize. Aiden is able to escape them all and continues in his way to the ctOS central. We see a lighthouse. Damien is in it. He smiles. Aiden has a bridge in front of him. Damien activates it and the bridge starts to open. Aiden accelerates and is able to pass to the other side.

Damien shows up in the screens again. He asks why Aiden is forcing him to do this. Aiden screams inside of the car and punches the wheel. We see Damien hacking a train and forcing it to go faster. Aiden is getting closer to the ctOS central. Aiden gets closer to a place where above it there is a rail line with a curve. Aiden hears the train getting closer. Damien hacks the train for it to stop and the train derails into the road.

 

Aiden passes around it while the carriages fall. Some enter in the buildings. Some others hit police cars. Aiden is able to escape. Damien is furious. He gives to every police man the location of Aiden and more police cars show up. Damien calls Aiden. He says he wanted their last conversation to be private. Aiden says he is going to catch him. Damien just says good luck and turns off.

A huge explosion is heard. Aiden looks and a bit in front of him at his right side a building starts to collapse. Aiden looks behind and tons of police cars follow him. He accelerates to pass before the building hits the floor. Slow-motion scene with Aiden barely escaping the collapsing. The police stays behind. Aiden is able to reach the ctOS central. He releases the virus and causes a huge blackout in the city with all the lights going down. It takes a few seconds before everything goes back up.

 

Aiden can now find the location of Damien. He drives to a boat. And in the boat goes to a lighthouse isolated from the city in the middle of the sea. Aiden arrives to lighthouse and goes to the top floor. There, Damien shows up behind him with a gun. Damien says he should have never looked for him. That he should have died like Lena died. When Damien is ready to shoot, Jordi shows up and points at him.

 

Jordi tells Damien to throw his gun away. After that, Jordi points his gun at Aiden, saying that he had taken a new contract to kill him. Aiden quickly hacks the lighthouse and the lamp explodes. Jordi is thrown off the lighthouse by Aiden, and after that Aiden grabs a gun and kills Damien with a headshot. The image starts to slowly go away from the lighthouse. Aiden sits there and cries.

We see some images of WKZ News, where we find out that Charlotte Gardner has become the interim mayor of Chicago after former Donovan Rushmore was found dead. We see Charlotte saying that ctOS will become a more secure application and that they will expand tests to other cities. She also assures that what happened with Damien would not repeat itself.

 

We see Aiden driving a car. He receives a call from Jordi. Jordi says that Aiden needs to understand that it was all for business reasons. Aiden smiles and says it is ok. Jordi gives him the location of Maurice and tells Aiden to do whatever he wants with him. Aiden thanks him and turns off. Aiden in voiceover says he will now be a protector of the innocents against the corrupt ones and will make sure his family will never be in danger again. We see him parking. In the house on the other side of the street we see Nicole and Jackson waiting for him. Aiden smiles. Image closes. The end.

 

MIDDLE CREDITS SCENE

 

We see Aiden reaching a garage. Maurice is there, full of wounds and blood. Aiden thanks him for his help and kills him with a shot in the head. End of scene.

[Blankments]

The Once and Future King: The Ill-Made Knight

Director: Kenneth Branagh
Genre: Fantasy
Date: December 25
Studio: Blankments Productions
Cast: Benedict Cumberbatch as Lancelot, Jude Law as older Arthur, Rosamund Pike as Guenever, Christian Bale as Gawaine, Sean Bean as Meliagrance, Gary Oldman as Merlyn, Ben Kingsley as Uncle Dap, Freddie Highmore as Young Arthur, Helen Mirren as Morgan le Fay, Tom Hardy as Sir Lionel, Alan Rickman as King Bagdemagus, Hugh Laurie as Sir Turquine/Sir Carados, Arthur Darvill as Percival, Ian McKellen as King Pelles, John Hurt Sir Urre, Emily Blunt as Elaine, Tom Hiddleston as Gaheris, Eddie Redmayne as Agravaine, Helena Bonham Carter as Nimue, Gérard Depardieu as Ban, Robert Pattinson as Gareth, Daniel Radcliffe as Mordred, Damian Lewis as Sir Bliant, Nick Frost as Sir Degalis, Simon Pegg as Sir Ector de Maris, David Tennant as Sir Bruce Sans Pitié, Daniel Day-Lewis as Aglovale/Lamorak, James McAvoy as King Pellinore, Jean Dujardin as Bors, Freddie Highmore as young Arthur, unknowns as young Lancelot and Galahad. Narrated by Kenneth Branagh
Music by: Howard Shore.
Runtime: 146 min
Tagline: A Man Who Despises Being A Legend.

Plot Summary: An epic adaptation of the classic novel.

Plot: 

King Ban’s son Lancelot is skilled at games, but horribly ugly. Arthur once explained to the young Lancelot his attempt to end the principle of might makes right and asked Lancelot if he wanted to help Arthur do so when he was older. Lancelot said he would indeed like to join Arthur. Fiercely dedicated to Arthur, Lancelot committed himself to a life of training. Uncle Dap, an expert on all things related to knighthood, trains Lancelot. For several years Lancelot does nothing but learn about knighthood and practice sword fighting and jousting. The narrator says that Lancelot will eventually go on to be the greatest knight in Arthur’s court. Lancelot practices by finding the weak points on armor, lifting weights, and sparring against his brother and cousins in mock swordfights with strict rules. One day, Merlyn tells Lancelot that Lancelot will be the best knight in the world. He explains that Arthur has married a woman named Guenever and that Arthur already has one hundred knights at his Round Table. Lancelot is disappointed that Arthur has not invited him to join the table. Merlyn appears with his beloved Nimue, and they vanish for a sort of magical honeymoon. Lancelot decides to leave for England immediately. Uncle Dap accompanies Lancelot as his squire. On their way to Arthur’s castle, in Camelot, they encounter a knight in black armor who challenges Lancelot to a joust. Lancelot defeats the knight, who turns out to be King Arthur (now played by Jude Law). Arthur is thrilled to see Lancelot and knights him back at Camelot. At first, Lancelot is jealous of Guenever because he is fiercely protective of his friendship with Arthur and thinks she is coming between them. Guenever tries to be friendly despite Lancelot’s rejection, but one day he lashes out at her. Once Lancelot sees that he has hurt Guenever’s feelings, he no longer sees her as an evil interloper.

Lancelot and Guenever, now reconciled, begin spending more time together. Uncle Dap and Lancelot argue about Lancelot and Guenever’s relationship, and Lancelot ultimately says that Uncle Dap can remain in Camelot only if he refrains from insinuating anything about Lancelot and Guenever. Arthur is too kind to believe rumors of this relationship, having managed to bury Merlyn’s warning in the back of his mind. To erase his doubt, Arthur decides to bring Lancelot with him to fight the Romans. Lancelot is angry that he is not left behind to guard Guenever, but he goes nonetheless. The war lasts several years—Arthur eventually becomes the overlord of most of Europe, with Lancelot as his new champion and friend. Lancelot and Arthur return to England determined that nothing can divide them, and they are welcomed with great cheer. When Guenever greets them, however, it becomes clear to Lancelot that she can indeed come between him and Arthur. If he were a less principled man, the narrator says, Lancelot might simply run off with Guenever. Instead, he fights his attraction. But since he cannot stand to be around Guenever when Arthur is around, he decides to leave the court and go on a quest.

On one quest, Lancelot rescues Gawaine, who has been captured by an evil knight named Sir Carados. Later, left alone one morning at the home of his cousin, Sir Lionel, Lancelot is captured by four queens—one of whom is Morgan le Fay—but he refuses their demands to take one of them as his mistress. He escapes with the help of the girl who serves his meals, and in exchange, he agrees to fight in a tournament on behalf of her father, King Bagdemagus. Fighting with a shield that has no insignia so no one will recognize him, Lancelot steers King Bagdemagus’s side to victory in the tournament. Lancelot then sets out to find Lionel. He discovers that Sir Turquine, Sir Carados’s brother, has captured Lionel and sixty-three other knights. Lancelot and Turquine fight a fierce battle, and Turquine is so impressed by Lancelot, whom he does not recognize, that he agrees to release his captives as long as the unfamiliar knight is not Lancelot. Lancelot informs Turquine of his identity, and after fighting for two more hours, manages to kill him. Gaheris is among the freed captives, and he marvels at how Lancelot keeps helping the Orkneys. Another of the captives, he tells Lancelot, is Agravaine. One day in the summer, a beautiful lady asks Lancelot to climb a tree to retrieve her falcon. When Lancelot removes his armor, the lady’s husband, a fat knight, attacks him. The fat knight is a member of the upper classes losing power under Arthur’s rule, and he refuses to listen to Lancelot’s pleas for a fair fight. Lancelot eventually kills the fat knight. Later, Lancelot meets a knight who is trying to kill his own wife for adultery. Lancelot rides between them, but the knight tricks Lancelot into looking in a different direction and then cuts off the wife’s head. The knight then begs for mercy, and Lancelot, unable to kill a man begging for his life, spares him. Lancelot has a number of other adventures, and he always sends his prisoners back to Arthur’s court, at Carlion, to bow before Guenever rather than before Arthur.

Guenever is pleased at these signs of Lancelot’s love, and she is so swept away by them that when Lancelot returns, they are drawn to each other instantly. She still loves Arthur, but with a sort of awed affection. While Lancelot tries to repress his feelings, Arthur worries that his knights have become too fixated with what he calls “games-mania,” in which every knight compares his prowess to everyone else’s. He worries particularly about the Orkneys, whose father, Lot, was accidentally killed by Pellinore. Now that her husband is dead, Morgause is trying to seduce every knight she can, and the Orkney knights are becoming uncontrollable as a result.

Lancelot is unable to act on his love for Guenever because his religion and Arthur’s own principles about fairness and justice, in which Lancelot believes deeply, forbid him to do so. While everyone else thinks Lancelot is a great man, he hates himself. Lancelot stays at Arthur’s court in Camelot for several weeks, but he cannot bring himself to do anything about Guenever. He is afraid that if he sleeps with her, he will lose his strength and his position as Arthur’s best knight. Uncle Dap advises him to go on another quest, so he makes his way to the haunted castle of Corbin, which is owned by King Pelles. On the way, Lancelot is stopped by villagers who tell him that fairies, among them Morgan le Fay, have put a spell on a local girl and placed her in a vat of boiling water, from which she can be saved only by the best knight in the world. Lancelot tries to refuse, but they insist, and he ends up pulling a naked young woman named Elaine out of the vat. Afterward, they are greeted by Elaine’s father, who turns out to be King Pelles. Pelles invites Lancelot to stay. Excited by Elaine’s great beauty, Lancelot cannot yet understand that he has performed a miracle. At the castle of Corbin, Lancelot is miserable and thinks of Guenever. Pelles’s butler cheers Lancelot with wine. While Lancelot is intoxicated, Pelles’s butler tells Lancelot that Guenever is staying at a nearby castle, waiting for Lancelot. Lancelot rushes off to see her. The next morning, he wakes up and sees that the woman in bed with him is Elaine. Realizing that he has been tricked, Lancelot threatens to kills Elaine. He thinks that his strength lies in his virginity and that he will now no longer be able to work miracles or be the best knight. Elaine tells Lancelot that she loves him and wishes to bear his child, whom she will name Galahad. Lancelot says that since she tricked him the baby will be hers alone and that he is leaving.

At Camelot, Guenever thinks of Lancelot as she stitches a new shield cover for Arthur. Convinced that Elaine has ruined him, Lancelot sees no point in not furthering his destruction, and he races up the stairs to Guenever. Before they realize what is happening, they have slept together. King Ban, Lancelot’s father, is under attack and writes Arthur to ask for help. Arthur leaves for France after asking Lancelot to stay behind and guard his kingdom. While Arthur is away, Lancelot and Guenever spend twelve happy months together. Lancelot tells Guenever that when he was little, he was a very holy little boy, always punishing himself for the slightest faults. Lancelot tells Guenever that he originally stayed away from her because he was worried that by sleeping with her he would lose his ability to perform miracles. He adds that he is giving her his God-given gifts as a present for her love, and that he does not regret it. When Guenever learns, however, that Elaine has given birth to a baby boy named Galahad—Lancelot’s first name—she realizes that Lancelot and Elaine have slept together. Hurt, Guenever becomes petulant, lashing out at Lancelot and threatening to have Elaine executed. Eventually, Lancelot and Guenever are tearfully reconciled, but a seed of hatred and distrust has been planted in their love affair.

Arthur, back from France, realizes that something is wrong at Camelot. One day, he brings up the subject of Guenever with Lancelot, but it is an awkward moment, and the affair is not directly addressed. Lancelot then bumps into Guenever, who tells him Elaine is on her way. Guenever seems to be on the verge of reconciling herself with Lancelot, but she then tears herself away from him, saying that she does not want to stand in his way if he discovers that he wishes to marry Elaine. Guenever cordially welcomes Elaine, who brings Galahad, though some hostility is evident. Lancelot avoids Elaine and Galahad until Guenever orders him to go to them. Guenever adds, however, that Lancelot is not to sleep with Elaine. Lancelot says he has no intention of doing so. He is fascinated by the sight of his son, but when Elaine tries to embrace Lancelot, Lancelot rushes out of the room. The next day, Lancelot and Elaine are summoned to Guenever’s chamber. Lancelot goes happily, remembering how he was summoned the night before to Guenever’s room, where they spent the night together. Guenever, however, is furious, and she accuses Lancelot of sleeping with Elaine. Elaine defends Lancelot, saying that she thought he was sleeping with Guenever, and Lancelot realizes that he has been tricked once again. Guenever refuses to believe Elaine’s story. Lancelot suddenly jumps out the window and flees the castle. Elaine bitterly accuses Guenever of having driven Lancelot mad.

Two years later, King Pelles’s friend Sir Bliant tells him of a wild man he once encountered, who he thinks may have been Lancelot. The wild man was naked, but spoke in the high tongue and was so good with a sword that he managed to knock out Sir Bliant, who was in armor. The wild man then ran to Sir Bliant’s tent, jumped into his bed, and fell asleep. While the wild man was sleeping, Sir Bliant brought him to his castle. A year and a half after that first encounter, Sir Bliant was attacked by two evil knights, one of whom was Sir Bruce Sans Pitié. The wild man saw this attack from his window, broke his handcuffs, and saved Sir Bliant. Sir Bliant and Pelles speculate that it may have been Lancelot. Soon after, a wild man comes to Pelles’s castle. Pelles asks the wild man if he is Lancelot, but all the man does is roar. Pelles tells his servants to give the wild man the clothes of a fool and keep him locked in the stable. One night, Pelles gets drunk and gives the wild man his cloak. In this royal clothing, the wild man looks brave and noble, and the servants make a path for him as he walks out.

Elaine has decided to become a nun and does not think much about Lancelot anymore. One day, she comes across the wild man asleep in her father’s robe and immediately recognizes him as Lancelot. She tells King Pelles, and he summons doctors to heal Lancelot’s spirits. Lancelot finally wakes from his madness, completely unconscious of anything that has occurred since he went berserk. Lancelot and Elaine eventually move into Sir Bliant’s castle, and Lancelot goes by the name of Le Chevalier Mal Fet, which means “the ill-made knight.” A young knight tells Lancelot that he has uncovered Lancelot’s true identity. Lancelot asks him to respect his wish to remain incognito. The young knight apologetically promises to keep Lancelot’s secret. In the spring, Elaine arranges a huge tournament. Lancelot, in disguise, defeats everyone else at the tournament, and the others leave, grumbling about the mystery knight. Elaine cries at this social fiasco, then finds Lancelot standing on the castle ramparts, where she sees that the symbol on his shield is that of a knight bowing before a queen. One day, two knights come to Bliant Castle and ask to fight with the mysterious Chevalier Mal Fet. They are amazed by his prowess, and he eventually reveals that he is Lancelot. The two knights turn out to be Sir Degalis, one of the Round Table knights, and Sir Ector de Maris, who, not to be confused with Arthur’s old guardian, is one of Arthur’s knights and also Lancelot’s brother. Elaine watches the joyful reunion, knowing that these knights will break her heart by taking Lancelot away. Sir Degalis and Sir Ector de Maris urge Lancelot to return to Camelot with them. Lancelot feels doggedly obliged to Elaine and says he will return. One day, a squire appears and sits at the castle moat, saying he is waiting for Lancelot. Elaine asks Lancelot what she should do about Galahad if Lancelot does not return. Pretending not to know what she is talking about, Lancelot assures her he will return. The squire turns out be Uncle Dap, who has brought all of Lancelot’s armor, polished and patched. Guenever has stitched a mantle onto the back of his helmet, and when he sniffs it, Lancelot is reminded of her. He rides away with Uncle Dap without looking back.

Fifteen years pass and England has grown much more civilized. Instead of thieves and murderers and towers going up in flames, the new civilization has scholars and hospitals. Arthur is now accepted as a great king, and Lancelot as a legendary hero. A new and eager generation of knights comes to Camelot, among them Gareth and Arthur’s son, Mordred. Arthur tells Lancelot a little about the Orkney boys and describes how they are so violent and unhappy because of Morgause. Of Morgause’s children, Lancelot thinks the least of Mordred, though he is unaware that Morded is Arthur’s son. Lancelot casually tells Arthur that Morgause has seduced King Pellinore’s youngest son, Lamorak. Arthur is aghast—it turns out that Pellinore killed Lot by accident in a tournament and was in turn killed by one of the Orkney clan. Arthur worries that Lamorak may be in danger. Gareth enters crying and tells Arthur and Lancelot that Agravaine has killed their mother after finding her in bed with Lamorak. He adds that Agravaine, Mordred, and Gawaine have hunted down Lamorak as well. Gawaine and Mordred return to Camelot. Gawaine still thinks Lamorak got what he deserved, but he feels bad about violating Arthur’s principles. Mordred is more evil, and he asks the king for pardon only with great insolence. Arthur halfheartedly forgives them and orders them to leave. To strengthen the weakening Round Table, Arthur decides to send his knights on a quest for the Holy Grail, the copper cup or platter, according to medieval legend, from which Christ ate at the Last Supper. Lancelot then learns that Galahad is about to be knighted.

After two years, the knights who give up the search for the Holy Grail straggle back to Camelot. Gawaine is the first to return, and he does so in a bad mood, having come across no traces of the Holy Grail. He speaks bitterly of Galahad, who seems to be a knight of great piety, which Gawaine mistakes for arrogance. Gawaine shakes his head at the fact that Galahad does not eat meat or drink alcohol and is a virgin. Gawaine recounts how he and his companions slew seven knights laying siege to a castle of maidens, only to find that Galahad had already beaten them without having to kill anyone. In two hermitages, Gawaine reports, the priests lectured him for killing too many people and failing to repent. Arthur listens patiently, observing that Gawaine does seem to have been more interested in bloody adventures than in finding the Holy Grail. Sir Lionel returns next and talks with a mixture of love and exasperation about the adventures of his brother, Sir Bors. According to Lionel, Bors’s honor was tested by a series of trials. In the first of these, Bors defeated a knight without taking his life. Bors was then forced to choose between rescuing a maiden or saving Lionel himself, and he chose the strange woman over his brother. Then a fiend in disguise told Bors that unless he slept with a certain lady, she would kill herself; Bors refused, however, even when she threatened to kill her servants as well. Guenever is particularly appalled by this part of the story. A while later, Bors and Lionel met again, and Lionel, enraged that his brother chose to rescue the maiden instead of him, tried to kill Bors. Bors refused to fight back, even after Lionel killed a hermit and another knight who was trying to help Bors. As Lionel was on the verge of killing Bors, God came between them, and they made up. Lionel expresses regret for his killings and remarks that if anyone is pure enough to find the Holy Grail, it is Bors.

Sir Aglovale returns to Camelot and swears revenge on the Orkney faction for having killed his brother Lamorak. Arthur convinces Aglovale that the only way to stop the bloodshed is for him to give up on revenge. Aglovale tells Arthur about the adventures of his youngest brother, Sir Percival, who is also a holy knight like Galahad. Percival has some adventures in a magical forest and then boards a magical barge with Sir Bors and Sir Galahad. In the barge, they are joined by Percival’s sister, a holy nun. On their search for the Holy Grail, the three knights get into a fight with a group of men and slaughter them. Galahad tells them the slaughter is not sinful, since the murdered men were not christened. They then come to another castle, where Percival’s sister sacrifices her life to save a woman with a fatal disease. After telling his stories, Aglovale asks Arthur to invite the Orkneys to dinner on his behalf. Other returning knights bring contradicting rumors about the adventures of Bors, Percival, and Galahad. Rumors fly that Lancelot has died or gone mad. Guenever becomes less cautious, and Mordred and Agravaine wait eagerly for her to reveal her affair. Lancelot returns to Camelot exhausted but sane. Uncle Dap tells Arthur that Lancelot has been wearing a hair shirt—a painful way of doing penance for one’s sins.

The next day, Lancelot tells Arthur and Guenever the story of his search for the Holy Grail. Guenever, now forty-two years old, has dressed up and put on makeup in an effort to look good for Lancelot, and his heart warms at the sight of her. Lancelot tells them that he did not find the Holy Grail, which was reserved for Galahad. Lancelot also says that if Galahad seems cold, it is because he is more angelic than human. Lancelot relates that Galahad defeated him in jousting. Lancelot then confessed his sins, which he thought would make him the best knight in the world again. But he was then beaten by another group of knights, after which he fell asleep in a chapel. When he woke up, his sword and armor had been taken from him. He then began to wear the hair shirt as penance. Thinking he had cleansed himself and could fight as well as he had before, Lancelot fought a knight dressed in black but was again defeated. Arthur is outraged that Lancelot, his best knight, has been beaten. Lancelot continues with his story: he then got on a magic barge, and Galahad soon joined him. Eventually Galahad got out to seek the Holy Grail. The barge eventually returned to the castle where the Grail was located, and Lancelot was allowed to watch Galahad and other holy knights participate in a Mass in a chapel that contains the Holy Grail. Having found God, Lancelot decides to end his affair with Guenever, but she is confident he will return to her. The narrator explains that Guenever is not an evil seductress, for seductresses usually leave men hollow, while both the men that Guenever loves have accomplished great things.

Guenever’s faith in Lancelot’s love grows weaker as time passes. One day, she demands that he go on another quest instead of torturing her with his presence. Just as Lancelot has decided to give up his abstinence and rekindle his affair with Guenever, she leaves the room and refuses to talk to him. He leaves Camelot the next morning. With Lancelot gone, it becomes even clearer that Camelot is no longer the place it once was. The best knights have either succeeded in finding the Holy Grail or have died. At the court, fashions are silly and infidelity is the norm. Mordred and his friends now dominate Camelot, and Guenever is widely despised. In an attempt to win some popularity, she throws a dinner party for the knights and leaves out a tray of apples, Gawaine’s favorite fruit. A distant relative of the Pellinores tries to avenge Lamorak’s death by poisoning one of the apples, but an innocent knight eats one first and dies. Guenever is accused of trying to poison Gawaine. Each side picks a champion to fight for their cause. Sir Bors agrees, reluctantly, to be Guenever’s champion. In the days before the fight, however, he finds Lancelot in a nearby abbey. Lancelot takes Bors’s place and easily defeats the knight who accused Guenever. He spares the knight’s life, but insists that no mention of the incident be made on the poisoned knight’s tombstone.

The day after Lancelot defends Guenever’s honor, Nimue arrives and confirms that Guenever is innocent of poisoning the knight who died. This announcement comes as part of her promise to Merlyn to look after Arthur. Arthur decides to hold a tournament to celebrate Guenever’s acquittal. Lancelot visits Elaine, who tells him that he must now stay with her. He agrees to wear her favor, a red sleeve, on his helmet during the tournament. Lancelot fights valiantly, but is wounded near the end of the tournament when three knights attack him at once. When Guenever hears about Elaine’s favor, she becomes jealous and angry, convinced that Lancelot loves Elaine. When Lancelot returns to Camelot, he and Guenever fight. Finally aware that Lancelot does not love her and will never return to her, Elaine commits suicide. Her body is put in a barge, which drifts down to Camelot for all to see. At the sight of her dead rival, Guenever is filled with pity. At another tournament soon after Elaine’s suicide, the lines between the Round Table’s factions become clear. Arthur sides against Lancelot for the first time, and Gareth sides with Lancelot against his own brothers. One day, Lancelot and Arthur hear that Guenever has been captured by a knight named Sir Meliagrance who has secretly been in love with her. Meliagrance sets an ambush for Lancelot, but Lancelot manages to get through it and into the castle where Guenever is held captive. Meliagrance, knowing he will lose any battle with Lancelot, gives up and begs Guenever to forgive him. Lancelot consents to Guenever’s request not to kill Meliagrance.

That night, Lancelot cuts through the bars of the window of Guenever’s room, and the two sleep together for the first time in a long while. Lancelot cuts his hand as he breaks into her room. The next morning, Meliagrance discovers Lancelot’s blood on Guenever’s bed and accuses her of sleeping with one of the knights who guard her chamber, many of whom were wounded when she was kidnapped. Guenever denies the accusation. Her denial is accurate, since Lancelot is not one of the knights guarding her chamber. Lancelot offers to defend Guenever’s honor in combat. Meliagrance, knowing he is no match for Lancelot, traps him in a dungeon in his castle. Lancelot manages to persuade the girl who serves his meals to help him, and he escapes Meliagrance’s dungeon and shows up for the challenge. Lancelot knocks Meliagrance off his horse in their first joust. Meliagrance begs for mercy. Lancelot looks to Guenever, who indicates that Meliagrance should be killed. Although the crowd agrees with Guenever, Lancelot does not kill Meliagrance outright. Instead, he handicaps himself by removing half his armor and tying his left hand behind his back. He then fights Meliagrance again and wins easily, cutting Meliagrance’s head in half.

After the incident with Meliagrance, Camelot seems to be at peace again. Lancelot and Guenever are happy together, and Arthur does his best to ignore their affair. A man named Sir Urre, who has been cursed with wounds that will not heal, comes to Camelot in the hope that the best knight in the world will be able to heal him. All the knights place their hands on him, but to no avail. Finally Lancelot, who has been hiding in his room, afraid of failure, lays his hands on the man and cures him. The room bursts into a frenzy of celebration, except for Lancelot, who cries to himself like a child who has been beaten.

Theaters: 4,027
MPAA Rating: PG-13 for epic scenes of fantasy violence, language, thematic content, and sexuality
Budget: $200 million
Previous Films Gross: (OW/DOM/WW)
The Sword in the Stone: 43.7/154.9/669.8
The Queen of Air and Darkness: 48.5/228.9/739.9

[Blankments]

An Odd Road Trip

Director: Ben Stiller
Date: October 25
Genre: Comedy
Studio: Blankments Productions
Cast: Tobey Maguire as Robert Wolfe, Sharlto Copley as Bill Erikson, Charlie Day as Jeff, Patton Oswalt as Mr. Brown, Ben Stiller as Sheldon, Will Ferrell as David, Peter Dinklage as Edward Besser, Rose Byrne as Mandy, and Tina Fey.
Music by: Christophe Beck
Runtime: 101 min
Tagline: Eh?
 
Plot: The film opens with a dream sequence of the hero, Robert Wolfe, who dreams of managing a restaurant. See, Robert works at a local chain of restaurants and he should be next in line for being the manager of the restaurant opening the next day. Robert wakes up and rushes over to the grand opening of the new restaurant, and hopes loudly that his boss, Mr. Brown, will make him manager. However, at the ceremony, Robert is ignored and instead the job goes to his jackass co-worker, Edward Besser, who just works for the money and doesn’t care at all about the food quality. When Robert asks why he wasn’t given the job, Brown answers that he just didn’t feel Robert could handle the responsibility.

Meanwhile, Sheldon, Brown’s number one business rival, devises a plot to steal the recipe for Brown’s #1 dish, the Double Steak Deluxe, and then frame Brown before anyone can notice it. Sneaking into mob boss Jeff’s house, he manages to steal his toupee and then instantly mails it to Las Vegas with no return address. That same night, Robert, determined to prove his maturity, goes to a bar to drown his sorrows with his best friend Bill Erikson. However, they get much too drunk and the next day, wake up with hangovers. That day, Jeff busts into Brown’s restaurant and assaults Brown for stealing his toupee, as Sheldon has managed to convincingly frame Brown for this happening. Robert arrives to work drunk and insults Brown multiple times, but when Jeff shoots Brown in the arm, suddenly Robert is sober. He likes his boss well enough not to want him to die, and thus, promises Jeff he’ll get his special toupee back for him in six days. Jeff says okay to this condition, but Jeff is keeping Brown locked up in a box until then. Robert and Bill then leave for Las Vegas in an awesome minivan.

Now that the restaurant is abandoned, Sheldon can easily sneak in to steal the recipe for the Double Steak Deluxe, and he starts using it his own restaurant, Yummy Bricks, claiming that Brown, convinced he was going to die at Jeff’s hands, left the recipe to him in the will. To make sure Robert and Bill don’t return with the toupee and free Brown, he hires a hitman named David to pursue and kill them. As everyone begins eating at Yummy Bricks, Edward realizes something is up, and confronts David about stealing Jeff’s toupee and attempts to call Jeff and inform him. However, Sheldon has given out a free brick with every steak, which causes all of the restaurant’s attendees to be mind controlled by him. Everyone is under his control, and he renames the town Sheldonland.

Meanwhile, Robert and Bill have to drive over the Grand Canyon. Jeff’s girlfriend, Mandy, believes in Robert and Bill’s story, and shows them a way around the Canyon. However, once they pass it, David finds them and kidnaps them. He takes them to Las Vegas himself to try to sell them on the illegal human trafficking stage. However, when Robert begins crying to himself, he cries so much that the sprinkler system in the human pens go off, allowing their bars to rust so they can escape. Robert and Bill realize that David is holding onto the toupee and he’s escaped in a car. They run into Tina Fey, and take her car to chase David, eventually accidentally killing David in the process but getting the toupee.

Tina Fey drives them back to the restaurant where Jeff has taken Mr. Brown to kill publicly. However, Bill and Robert show up with the toupee, saving Mr. Brown’s life and they all go take down Sheldon. However, Sheldon throws a brick at Jeff, putting him under mind control. However, Robert embraces his immaturity and dances for Sheldon, terrifying him with his awful dance moves. Moreover though, the dance moves are so bad, those mind-controlled by the bricks stop being mind-controlled and instead start booing Robert. When Jeff’s mind control breaks, he shoots Sheldon dead on the spot and thanks Robert for saving him. Mr. Brown, to thank Robert, fires Edward and gives the job of manager to Robert. Happy ending!

 
Theaters: 3,693
Rating: R for violence, drug use, strong language, and sexuality.
Budget: $80 million

Edited November 16, 2014 by Blankments

[Blankments]

The Hateful Eight Redux

Director: Quentin Tarantino
Genre: Satire/Action
Date: October 25 (limited), November 1 (wide)
Studio: Blankments Productions
Starring in alphabetical order: Ben Affleck as Ben Affleck, Woody Allen as Steven Spielberg, Kenneth Branagh as Nathan Fillion, Sandra Bullock as Kathryn Bigelow, Louis C.K. as Joss Whedon, George Clooney as George Clooney, Sacha Baron Cohen as Joel Coen, Paul Dano as Wes Anderson, Charlie Day as J.J. Abrams, Robert De Niro as Martin Scorsese, Idris Elba as Steve McQueen, Michael Fassbender as Michael Fassbender, Nathan Fillion as Kenneth Branagh, Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Clark Gregg as David O. Russell, Woody Harrelson as Brad Bird, Jonah Hill as Nick Denton, Samuel L. Jackson as Spike Lee, Spike Jonze as Spike Jonze, Harvey Keitel as Neil Patrick Harris, Shia LaBeouf as Dale Virgo, James McAvoy as Edgar Wright, Matthew McConaughey as Michael Bay, Patton Oswalt as William Bristow, Aaron Paul as Robert Rodriguez, Joaquin Phoenix as Ethan Coen, Michael Shannon as Quentin Tarantino, Matt Smith as Lucas Hamnet, Ben Stiller as Derek Zoolander as Ben Stiller, Uma Thurman as Jennifer Lee, Christoph Waltz as Woody Allen, and Ken Watanabe as Ang Lee.     
Music by: Steven Price
Runtime: 157 min
Tagline: The Definite Quentin Tarantino Revenge Flick

Plot Summary: After his new script leaked on the Internet, Quentin Tarantino goes on a massive revenge rampage through the Hollywood industry.

Plot:

Note: every time a Hollywood figure shows up for the first time, three movie posters appear around them on screen with their name underneath them as heavy metal guitar plays. This will be identified by parenthesis with three movie names inside them immediately following the first appearance.

Logos appear. Fade in an office. Nick Denton, owner and CEO of Gawker, is playing paper basketball with William Bristow, his head writer. Bristow asks what his next assignment will be and Denton replies that he has someone on the way with the project in hand. Bristow doesn’t like secrecy, but respects Denton’s ideals. Bristow, who doubles as Denton’s secretary, mentions that there is a Dale Virgo here to see them, and Denton smiles, telling him to send him in. Bristow leaves and about five seconds later, Virgo enters, uber-sweaty due to crazy nerves. Denton asks him if he has the goods, and Virgo says yes he does, handing a sealed package to Denton. Bristow asks what it is, and Denton hands him the package with a boxcutter. Bristow opens it up, and the content is clear: a screenplay for Quentin Tarantino’s THE HATEFUL EIGHT. Bristow gasps, saying that a major script leak is something Gawker has never done before, and Denton smiles, saying this will give them ridiculously high amounts of web traffic. Denton orders Bristow to start scanning, and then, start writing an article for the script. Virgo asks what his next job will be, and Denton tells Bristow to give Virgo his next assignment. Bristow draws a pistol and immediately shoots Virgo. Denton thanks Bristow, stating that Virgo had reached the apex of his career; there’s nowhere to go but down. Virgo groans, revealing he is still alive. Denton grabs the gun from Bristow and shoots Virgo – the camera being from Virgo’s point of view. After the gunshot, cut to the title:

THE HATEFUL EIGHT REDUX

Nathan Fillion (Serenity, The End of the Universe, Celluloid Heroes) and Kenneth Branagh (Dead Again, Much Ado About Nothing, Hamlet) are sitting together at a bar. Branagh tells Fillion he’s a huge fan of Castle. Fillion smiles, and says he loved the direction on Thor. Branagh stares at him sadly, when Quentin Tarantino (Pulp Fiction, Inglourious Basterds, The Hateful Eight Redux) returns with the drinks. Tarantino hands each of them a drink, and they both thank Tarantino. Tarantino explains that he has written a new script titled “The Hateful Eight,” and he has a role in mind for each of them. Fillion asks why he doesn’t just call their agents, and Tarantino grimaces and says he did. However, the agents were idiots, saying Fillion is too busy working on Castle to film anything longer than a cameo role in a movie, and Branagh is too busy prepping the next Once and Future King movie to do any serious acting. Branagh says that’s very true, and Fillion sighs, saying he wished he had signed a better contract. Branagh thanks Tarantino for the drinks and gets up to leave, turning down the offer thanks to prior commitments. Tarantino stands up, and stops Branagh, stating that the least he could do is hear him out. Branagh sighs and sits down, and Fillion takes a long swig as Tarantino pitches the film: there are two brothers. In secret, they actually despise each other for the glory the other gets in their profession. However, together, they bond together to stop a band of outlaws known as the Hateful Eight. Now, the Hateful Eight is a slight misnomer: there actually fourteen in The Hateful Eight, as they used to be two different gangs of outlaws, but the leaders of both died, so the seven people left from each gang joined together: the H8ful, and the Evil Eight. Thus, The Hateful Eight. Tarantino’s cell phone rings, and Tarantino groans, saying he hates being interrupted in the middle of a pitch. As he checks the caller ID, Fillion comments he definitely wants to be in the project regardless of content: it’s Quentin Tarantino! Tarantino apologizes to Branagh and Fillion, saying that it’s his lawyer. Tarantino picks up the phone, and angrily states he’s in the middle of a pitch. Two seconds later, he screams “WHAT?” He’ll be in the lawyer’s office in a half hour. Tarantino promptly hangs up and Branagh asks what’s wrong. Tarantino glares at Branagh and flips the bar table they’re at in anger. Tarantino screams that his script has been leaked, and Branagh and Fillion run away, terrified.

At his lawyer’s office, Tarantino rants at him asking how this could possibly happen. His lawyer, Lucas Hamnet, is used to Tarantino’s ramblings, and explains that clearly, one of the few people who read the script must have handed it off to Gawker. Tarantino tells Hamnet that he’s an idiot; he only handed it off to three people: Ben Affleck (Tarantino became very good friends with Affleck after they were both snubbed for Best Director in 2012), Martin Scorsese (since, after all, if it weren’t for Scorsese, who knows if Tarantino would’ve even joined the business?), and Bruce Dern (wanted for the lead role in the film). Hamnet mentions that he technically didn’t send the script to Bruce Dern; rather, Bruce Dern’s agent got it. Tarantino screams in rage, stating he wishes agents would just disappear. Hamnet says that’s against Hollywood unions’ laws, and Tarantino sighs, saying he knows. Hamnet asks Tarantino what he’s going to do, and Tarantino asks Hamnet how many views the script has on Gawker. Hamnet answers with with a sad 10,000. Tarantino tells him to email Nikki Finke and let her know that he’s cancelling The Hateful Eight out of anger and moving onto some different project. Hamnet nods grimly as Tarantino leaves the office, defeated.

A golf ball falls into a hole. It’s the next day and Tarantino is putt-putting with his good friend, Ben Affleck (24 Hours, Argo, The Town). Affleck asks him if he’s sure he wants to quit The Hateful Eight, and Tarantino answers with he doesn’t see the point of directing a movie everyone knows the entire plot too. Affleck mutters something under his breath and Tarantino asks him to speak up. Affleck says it was nothing, and Tarantino asks if Affleck knows anything about the leak. Affleck responds that he burned his copy of the script after he read it, because he was honestly pissed Tarantino wasn’t thinking of giving him a role in the movie. Tarantino stares at him and says he’s really not that great an actor, and Affleck pretends he didn’t hear it. As Tarantino putts in a golf ball, Affleck asks him if he’s really gonna give up on The Hateful Eight. Tarantino asks why he shouldn’t and Affleck answers that if he let websites decide his future, he wouldn’t be working at all anymore. Tarantino can’t let Gawker win. Tarantino hears this and understands what Affleck is trying to say. Tarantino says he won’t let Gawker get away with this. Affleck smiles, and putts in his last golf ball. Affleck states he has to buy a nice new suit tomorrow, and Tarantino asks what for. Affleck answers that he’s presenting Best Director at the Oscars in a few days. Tarantino laughs and tells him to have fun with that as the two part ways.

Tarantino returns to his lawyer’s office, and tells Hamnet his new idea: he’s still dropping the movie, but he doesn’t want Gawker to get away with it. Hamnet says that technically, by leaking a script already registered with the Writer’s Guild of America, Gawker has broken copyright infringement laws, and thus must pay the cost of high piracy. Tarantino points out that they both know Tarantino isn’t a member of the WGA and never will be, but Hamnet insists that Tarantino’s brand name, being as popular as he is, is its own guild. Tarantino gives him a look and says he doesn’t think it’ll work, but if Hamnet insists... Hamnet goes off to file the suit and Tarantino leaves again.

The next day, Tarantino goes out to lunch with his best friend, Robert Rodriguez (Spy Kids, From Dusk Till Dawn, Sin City). They both eat Animal Style burgers at In-and-Out as they talk. Rodriguez tells Tarantino he’s heard about the leak, and Tarantino, still mighty grumpy about it, says that all of Hollywood knows about it. Rodriguez asks if the lawsuit is true, and Tarantino answers that of course the lawsuit is true, why wouldn’t it be? Rodriguez shakes his head, and Tarantino blows up, saying the only reason anyone has against his lawsuit is that since he isn’t a member of the WGA, he deserved for it to happen. Rodriguez clarifies that he has no interest in the guilds either. However, Tarantino should just make the movie anyway. Tarantino, frustrated, explains that he has no desire to be stepped on by the people of the Internet and if he backs down, it betrays his sense of honor. Rodriguez shakes his head again and says that if Tarantino was truly thinking like himself, he wouldn’t be getting back with a lawsuit. Tarantino asks what he means by “himself,” and Rodriguez says that Tarantino is a has-been: if The Hateful Eight got off the ground, it’d be his third western in a row after Django Unchained and Hired Guns. Tarantino throws his burger in Rodriguez’s face and leaves the restaurant in anger. Sitting in his car, he hits the horn in anger and then calls Hamnet. He tells Hamnet he’s been talking to a friend and it’d probably be best to drop the lawsuit. Hamnet asks Tarantino if he’s sure, and Tarantino tells Hamnet to fuck off, of course he’s sure, and then hangs up the phone.

Back inside the restaurant, we see the back of someone sit down across from Rodriguez. Rodriguez says not to worry, he’s not interrupting anything. Rodriguez continues, deciding to explain why he invited this man to eat with him. It’s best to start at the beginning. Rodriguez’s career started in a good fashion. Desperado. From Dusk Till Dawn. The Spy Kids trilogy. Sin City. However, after Sin City, his career suddenly began tanking. The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl. Shorts. The Machete duology. After Sin City: A Dame to Kill For released and bombed at the box office, Rodriguez didn’t have anyone willing to finance his movies. One day, he got a call from the MPAA. The MPAA itself would finance Rodriguez’s next films directly if he spent time with them for a few years as a chief enforcer among directors. Directors need to hold themselves to the same moral scrutiny of their films and it was Rodriguez’s job to make sure this happened. For example, Mel Gibson’s blacklisting from Hollywood? That was all Rodriguez’s scheme, after Gibson went on a racist rant that was not appropriate for children. Eventually, Rodriguez came to found a task force for his MPAA “enforcement.” Now, Rodriguez actually hates the MPAA and all they stand for. The film ratings system desperately needs reform in America, and he knows personally how bad it is. He’s leading a task force for the MPAA which he ultimately plans on betraying the organization with, and he wants to know if Ang Lee will make his current Sieterd into an Ochord. Ang Lee chews his burger in silence. After swallowing, he answers that after Brokeback Mountain, he has had routine issues with the MPAA, so he’d definitely be happy to join to try to take them down. Rodriguez smiles happily.

As Tarantino drives away from the In-and-Out, a call comes in, and Tarantino sees the caller ID, picking it up immediately. Cut to Tarantino speeding up to a mansion and entering through the closed gates, springing them wide open. Tarantino jumps out the car and runs to the pool in the back of the mansion. Martin Scorsese (The Departed, The Good Die Young, Goodfellas) is sunbathing in the back and asks Tarantino why he’d do that, now he’s going to have to replace the gates. Tarantino comments that he’s always worried when Scorsese says there’s something urgent, since Scorsese is rather old. Scorsese glares and says he’s only twenty years older than Tarantino, and Tarantino says that’s ancient. Scorsese rolls his eyes and Tarantino asks why he said it was urgent. Scorsese first wants a promise that the gates will be replaced, and Tarantino swears he’ll pay for them, while apologizing again for jumping to conclusions. Tarantino also says congratulations to Scorsese on his recent Best Director nomination for his remake of Bugsy Malone, and Scorsese thanks Tarantino, commenting it’s only one more until he ties with Wyler! Scorsese then tells Tarantino he heard about the script leak. Tarantino sighs and says he’s already decided to give up on the movie, and he’s talked to Ben Affleck and Robert Rodriguez about it: he’s not changing his mind. Scorsese says that’s not why he called him; rather, he’s rather offended by the idea of the lawsuit. Tarantino sighs again, and says that he has decided to drop the lawsuit since it isn’t something that someone of his clout would do. Scorsese says that’s good to hear, but how is he going to get revenge? Tarantino says he has no idea, and Scorsese laughs, saying he’s Quentin Tarantino; he knows plenty about revenge. Scorsese then dismisses Tarantino, who is confused, while Scorsese says he’ll see him at the Oscars in a few days. That night, Tarantino lies in bed staring at the ceiling, unable to fall asleep. Scorsese’s words echo in his mind as Tarantino tries to make sense of them. Tarantino’s eyes glance over at posters of Pulp Fiction. He doesn’t think much of it. Kill Bill. Inglourious Basterds. Django Unchained. It hits him and he gets up in bed suddenly.

His lawyer’s office the next day. Tarantino explains Hamnet his new idea of revenge: what do the Bride, Aldo Raine, and Django have in common? Hamnet states they’re all leads of his movies, and Tarantino says that’s correct, but they all also went on bloody quests for revenge on those who wronged them and their entire people. The Bride is a feminist icon who got her revenge ultimately on the man who screwed over greatly. Aldo Raine is a Jewish-American who ultimately gets the best revenge ever for a Jewish man: killing Adolf Hitler. Finally, Django saves his wife from a vicious slaveholder and destroys everyone who wronged him previously in life. Hamnet doesn’t get what Tarantino is saying, and Tarantino lays it down simply: for too long, filmmakers have been wronged by bloggers and people on the Internet who judge their work before general release. It’s disrespectful to all filmmakers to be stepped on by the people of the world, so Tarantino is going to fight back. He’s going to the Gawker headquarters and killing the CEO of the company. Hamnet looks at him like he’s crazy and starts laughing at Tarantino. Tarantino doesn’t see what’s funny, and Hamnet sees that Tarantino is actually being serious. He grabs his phone and tells Tarantino he’s about to dial 911. As Hamnet presses 9, Tarantino draws a hidden pistol from his belt and shoots Hamnet in the leg. Hamnet falls to the ground screaming, and Tarantino says that, simply put, this will be his masterpiece of what he leaves Hollywood. Hamnet breaks down crying, and screams that he always wanted to work for Tarantino because Pulp Fiction is his favorite movie of all time. Tarantino smiles, and says he’ll leave the earth with good thoughts: “Ezekiel 25:17,” Tarantino begins, "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee." Tarantino shoots Hamnet dead immediately and then giggles to himself, saying he always wanted to say that line himself. Tarantino leaves the room and the camera fades to black.

A TV news program starts playing. The top story of the night is Quentin Tarantino’s lawyer has been found dead in his own office, and Tarantino himself is the prime suspect for the murder. The anchor on the program continues, stating that speculation exists that the script leak of The Hateful Eight is what led Tarantino to such a mental breakdown. Tarantino is now one of the most wanted men in the country.

Tarantino is running in the dark night, out of breath. Tarantino runs up a long pathway and knocks on a door to a mansion. A man looks through the peephole, and then opens the door, and says he’s surprised to see Tarantino without calling ahead. Tarantino thanks him for opening the door as the camera turns to reveal Spike Lee (Do the Right Thing, Malcolm X, Jungle Fever). Spike says that it’s great to see Tarantino again, and Tarantino says the same to him. Spike asks why Tarantino didn’t take his car, and Tarantino answer that it’s a long story. Cut ahead to Spike and Tarantino eating some pizza in Spike’s dining room. Spike comments that they really should stop their fake rivalry put on for the cameras; it’s been fun, but seriously, it’s getting old. Tarantino agrees slightly but then comments that if he hadn’t kept up this façade, no one would be able to protect him from the law. Spike’s eyes narrow and then asks Tarantino what he’s talking about. Tarantino explains the predicament: he decided to take down Gawker as revenge for leaking The Hateful Eight, but in the process, had to kill his lawyer. Spike rolls his eyes at Tarantino, stating he always did have a nasty temper. Spike asks Tarantino what he plans on doing, and Tarantino says that, for irony’s sake, he’s going to assemble a team of eight directors to go infiltrate Gawker and kill the president of the company. Spike says he’s in, and Tarantino comments that that was oddly quick, and Spike says that it’s not like he’s making any movies at the time anyway. Tarantino nods and then begins to speak of his full-plan.

The next day, Spike leaves his house in a very, very nice car. He quickly heads to the Russo & Frank Grill, where he has having a meeting with financers. He enters the building and sits down with Woody Allen (Never Say Goodbye, Annie Hall, Manhattan) and Steven Spielberg (Jaws, Saving Private Ryan, Schindler’s List). After Spielberg orders a steak, Spike has to be blunt with Spielberg and Allen: his experiment with Kickstarter ultimately failed, but he hopes that by getting other bigshot directors financing his work, he might actually have another film put in wide release. Allen scoffs at this notion: who cares about wide release? Wide release is overrated, and besides that, he is too busy writing his new film Original Love. Allen tells Spike that there might be a role in Original Love for him, if he wants to keep busy. Spike, trying to keep in his rage, tells Allen that it sounds interesting, and immediately turns to Spielberg to ask him about the possibility of coming onto his own movie as a producer. Spielberg apologizes to Allen, saying that it’s just too much work for him, since he’s financing Michael Bay’s new blockbuster. Spielberg has an obvious affection for Bay, clearly thinking of him has a good man and a visionary director. Spike blows up at the table, and asks Allen if he truly thinks he’s a good actor. Allen nonchalantly says no and Spike punches him in the face. Allen’s nose is bleeding but he smiles, saying this is perfect for his new idea! Allen leaves the table excited as Spike continues staring at Spielberg.

Spike, being desperate for his funding, continues his schmoozing with Spielberg, saying that even though Bay is a (Spike struggles to find the right words) interesting director, Spike’s own idea is a movie that’s worthy of being pitched. Spielberg sighs, and says, biting into his recently served steak,that he’s actually waiting for Bay to come in and talk to him about his new film. Spike asks for a pitch, and Spielberg says he wants it in fifty words or less. Spike opens his mouth and says “The-“ when suddenly, Michael Bay (The Rock, Thomas the Tank Engine, Transformers) walks in, uber eager to talk to Spielberg. He sits cross-legged on Allen’s chair, and interrupts Spike by saying he’s a huge fan of 25^th Hour. Spike smiles, and asks what he liked most about. Bay answers he loved how Jack Bauer beat up so many bad guys in glorious shaky cam; it looked really cool. Spike is not amused, but Spielberg interrupts Bay, and asks him about what his new film idea is. As Spike sits, annoyed Bay is getting much more respect than he did, Bay answers that he actually doesn’t have an idea, but he did come up with a cool new way to rig explosives, involving rockets and bazookas! Spielberg is not amused, but Spike has an idea. He mentions to Bay that he has quite a few explosions in his movie idea that needs producing, and Bay has produced quite a few movies. Spike then invites both Spielberg and Bay back to his house for some talks over dinner. Bay is very interested in producing the movie because, y’know, EXPLOSIONS, but Spielberg is annoyed with Spike, and points out that he literally just bought a steak; he’s not going to eat dinner. Spike glares at Spielberg and leaves in silence. Bay gives Spielberg a kiss on the cheek goodbye and runs after Spike. Spielberg rubs where Bay kissed him in disgust.

Spike drives down the road with Bay in classic shotgun position. Bay annoys Spike by just by talking technical a lot of about several ways to shoot action. Spike tries to ignore him but then Allen screams “Hello!” Spike immediately looks behind him and sees Allen was lying in the backseat the whole time. Bay freaks out in a good sense, saying that Annie Hall is one of his favorite films. Spike looks at Bay oddly; he wasn’t expecting that. Nevertheless, he turns to Allen and asks what the fuck he is doing in his car. Allen explains that he was waiting for Spike to come to his car to talk, but he accidentally fell asleep while waiting. Spike still wants to know why Allen is in his car, but Allen doesn’t really pay attention. Allen instead begins to beg Spike to be in his movie, because he thinks that if he gives Spike Lee a minor acting role in his new masterpiece, reviewers will stop complaining that he only casts white people. Spike says that that completely, utterly misses the point of token casting in Hollywood, and Allen shrugs, saying that if he wants, he’ll cast Tyler Perry, since everyone likes Tyler Perry’s movies more than Spike Lee’s anyway. Spike screams “WHAT??” in anger, but then Bay points out the car has stopped, and someone outside is screaming in utter agony. The three exit the car in curiosity and see Michael Fassbender (X-Men: Days of Future Past, Inglourious Basterds, Lord Madship) bleeding to death in front of their car. Allen blames Spike for not paying attention to his driving, and Spike blames Allen for distracting him. Fassbender screams for his lover, Steve, and Allen has no idea what he’s talking about. Bay points and says that there’s a man coming for them who looks like he’s about to explode. Spike and Allen turn and see Steve McQueen (Shame, Hunger, 12 Years a Slave) running to Fassbender. Fassbender tells McQueen he loves him, and McQueen, in tears, tells Fassbender he loves him too. Fassbender dies, and then McQueen turns to Spike, Bay, and Allen in utter rage. He screams at them that he was filming an eight-minute long take for his new movie, and they killed his star, and his one true love. As McQueen runs toward them in complete anger, Allen asks what they should do, and Spike has no idea. Suddenly, Bay pulls out a grenade (“You never know when your stalker will return; best to have a grenade on you at all times!”) and tosses it at McQueen. Spike looks at Bay in terror – they don’t want to kill two Hollywood bigshots. Luckily, the grenade hits McQueen in the head, knocking him out instantly, but yet, it does not go off. Bay frowns, saying he likes it when it explodes. Allen gives Bay a hug anyway, stating he saved them. Bay doesn’t really care, and Spike just rolls his eyes at the whole proceedings. Allen then picks McQueen up and loads him into the trunk (requisite trunk shot), stating with pleasure that he has another black man who can be his new movie. Spike tells Allen to shut the fuck up with his racism and Allen smiles awkwardly, half-heartedly apologizing.

Spike enters his house with Allen following close behind, continuing to pitch Original Love to him. Bay carries McQueen’s unconscious body in the house, saying that it’s funny how easy people fall asleep when exciting things happen: a good example of this is his friends who fall asleep during his own movies. Spike tells Bay that no one cares, and then says to both Bay and Allen that there’s someone here to talk to them. Tarantino enters the room, eating some ramen. He says what’s up to the two directors, and then explains the situation to them: Gawker leaked his script; he wants to break into the Gawker headquarters and kill the CEO of the company. He needs eight directors to go with him to do this, and he wants both of them on his team. Are they in or out? Allen answers that it’s funny that it’s Gawker; conveniently, his apartment in New York is right across from the Gawker headquarters. It could easily be used as a headquarters for Tarantino’s operation. Tarantino asks if it means he’s in, and Allen answers that as an older gentleman, he really should get out of the house more. He’s in for that reason alone. Tarantino asks Bay, but Bay is jumping up and down in excitement; after all, Tarantino’s plan will for sure, without any doubts, include action and explosions, which he could easily adapt into a summer blockbuster later on. Why wouldn’t he be in? Tarantino then turns to McQueen, and then asks Spike why he isn’t awake. Spike answers that Bay knocked him out, and then Spike slaps McQueen in the face, waking him up. McQueen jerks up and focuses on Spike. Remembering Spike’s comments on 12 Years a Slave, McQueen yells at him that Spike is worried he’s washed up and was trying to get McQueen out of the directing game through murder. Fassbender being killed was an accident; McQueen was the target. Spike is confused and has no idea what he’s talking about. It doesn’t matter because it’s time for a fight: Spike Lee vs. Steve McQueen (shot in a single tracking shot in reference to McQueen’s famous style). McQueen jabs Spike in the stomach! Spike responds by grabbing McQueen’s arm and flipping him over onto a coffeetable! As Spike leans in to punch McQueen in the face, McQueen rolls out of the way and kicks Spike in the groin! Spike howls in pain, but, noticing Tarantino’s ramen bowl sitting on the couch, grabs the bowl and breaks it over McQueen’s head! McQueen shakes it off, instead flipping over to grab Spike’s hand and cracks one of his knuckles for him! A GUNSHOT IS HEARD! Tarantino has fired a pistol above… accidentally hitting a chandelier heading straight towards McQueen and Spike! Spike grabs McQueen and jumps out of the way of the chandelier, saving both of their lives! McQueen turns to Spike and, even surprised at himself, thanks him for saving his life. Spike says killing Fassbender was an accident, and he’s truly sorry for it. McQueen understands, but is still heartbroken. Tarantino, realizing this might not be the best time, but it’s still an important question, asks McQueen if he’s heard about his leaked script. McQueen comments that he was in a coma, not asleep. He heard everything he said to Bay and Allen, and he understands Tarantino’s plight. He’ll join the Eight, but McQueen does not believe the plan will work. Tarantino asks why, and McQueen asks if Tarantino has seen the news; he’s one of the most wanted men in America now. Tarantino says they need to leave town that night, but how? As everyone ponders this question, Bay brings up that before they leave, he wants to pick up a few snacks in his private jet. Tarantino smiles.

The next day, Bay’s private jet takes off. However, almost immediately after they’re in the air, Allen notices something outside the window: the engines are burning up. Allen runs into the cockpit and asks Bay, piloting the jet, what is going on. Bay smiles, and says he likes to light the fuel on fire after takeoff, because it looks really cool and cinematic in his opinion. Spike, hearing this, asks Bay if he’s insane, but Tarantino tells Spike to calm down. Bay, cool and collected, says he’s already factored in a refueling spot on the way to New York City: Kansas City. Spike’s eyes light up; that’s where Kathryn Bigelow is filming her first sci-fi movie right now; perhaps she’d finance his new picture! As they soon land in Kansas City, Bay takes Allen with him to refuel the plane. As McQueen sleeps still on the plane, exhausted from the previous day’s events, Spike heads off to meet with Bigelow, and the producers on her sci-fi film, J.J. Abrams and Brad Bird. Tarantino asks if he can tag along, to try to get the three to join his hypothetical Eight, but Spike says that with the negative publicity, it might not be a good idea to meet them in a public area. Tarantino asks who said anything about a public area. On the set of the movie, Spike joins with J.J. Abrams (Interconnected, Star Trek, Divisions), Brad Bird (The Incredibles, The Last Six, Justice League), and Kathryn Bigelow (The Hurt Locker, Zero Dark Thirty, Point Break) to pitch his movie. Spike introduces himself to all three of them, schmoozing appropriately. Bird says he’s a huge fan of Spike, and Spike smiles at the all-too-rare praise. However, feelings change as soon as Tarantino enters the set, arriving a few minutes after Spike. Sides are immediately taken in the room. Bigelow makes the first move, walking up to Tarantino and giving him a hug. Tarantino says it’s lovely to see her again after both of them (along with Ben Affleck) were close friends after the Best Director snubs of the 85^th Academy Awards. Tarantino breaks the hug and congratulates her on her recent Oscar nom; this year, she was notably not snubbed, and her film, The Death, is widely considered the frontrunner for Best Picture. Bigelow humbly thanks Tarantino, and mentions off-handedly that she has a flight back to L.A. for the Oscars in two days; she’s only visiting for one day and then back to work for her. Tarantino admires her work ethic. Bigelow apologizes to Tarantino since she heard about the leak, but Tarantino shrugs, and he’s okay with it with his revenge scheme coming along. Bigelow asks what that is but then Abrams interrupts, fanboying over Tarantino. After all, Tarantino is his second favorite director after Spielberg, and despite being in Hollywood for so long, he has yet to actually meet Tarantino. Tarantino mentions under his breath that there’s a reason for that. Bird interrupts everyone and asks why they haven’t dialed 911. Bigelow asks why they should; Tarantino is a suspect, he likely didn’t kill his lawyer. Tarantino awkwardly smiles and says sure to that. Abrams says Tarantino can do no wrong, and Bird freaks out, calling Bigelow and Abrams psychopaths for not immediately calling the police. Tarantino rolls his eyes, draws a revolver, and shoots Bird in the forehead, instantly killing him. Bird falls to the ground as Abrams gawks in delight, saying it was just like a Tarantino movie. Bigelow stares at Tarantino in new, slightly disgusted eyes. Tarantino explains that Gawker leaking his script ruined him, and now, he’s heading for vengeance with Spike, Woody Allen, Michael Bay, and Steve McQueen. He asks Abrams and Bigelow if they’ll join them in their quest for justice. Bigelow is disturbed by Tarantino’s murder of Bird, but ultimately says yes, saying that Tarantino and Bigelow are much too close friends to say no. Abrams says he definitely wants in, but Spike interrupts, saying that Abrams hasn’t really proven himself yet. Tarantino looks at Spike weirdly but Spike winks at him. Abrams says he’ll do anything to work with Quentin Tarantino, and Spike answers that he can work with Tarantino... if only Tarantino’s good friend Spike Lee would get his movie financed. Abrams promises to produce the movie with one condition: there needs to be absolute secrecy involving the plotline. Spike shrugs and says it’s a worthy sacrifice. Abrams asks if he’s in the Eight, and Tarantino smiles, and says yes.

The plane flies in the air, this time notably without the fuel on fire. Bay flies the plane with Allen as his copilot, and Bay begins to complain that it’s his plane; they should be fine with his lifestyle on having extravagantly spectacular fire on the wings. Allen rolls his eyes and says that he slightly understands why they’re against it; what if the Gawker headquarters saw them coming with the flaming fuel? Bay looks at Allen like he’s crazy, and Allen admits it probably is a crazy idea. McQueen enters the cockpit and asks where the food is. Bay says he doesn’t carry food on his plane; food is for the weak. McQueen stares at him in bewilderment, and Allen states he has a few peanuts in his pocket. Bay asks for them because he’s hungry and Allen hands them over. McQueen just stares at them both like they’re insane and leaves the cockpit. McQueen leaves and sits down next to Spike, who is now sleeping. He looks around the cabin, and wonders out loud to himself where Tarantino is. Well, Tarantino is in the backroom, watching some foot porn on his laptop. Abrams walks in on him, and Tarantino tries to hide it. Abrams doesn’t care though, and instead grabs his own camera. Tarantino asks what he is doing, and Abrams answers that he really wanted to film Tarantino and make a documentary about him, and this could be some test footage for it. Tarantino shakes his head and goes back to his computer. Abrams comments to himself that he can’t wait to add some lens flare in post-production. Meanwhile, we see Bigelow’s feet, which get up from her seat in the cabin and enter the cockpit. Bigelow says hello to the two there but Allen has fallen asleep within the past two seconds. Bay says hi, without looking at her. Bigelow begins to compliment Bay, saying that he is one of the best action directors working, and she’s sorry he doesn’t get enough credit. Bay looks at her and is instantly smitten. He tries to thank her, but starts to blubber like an idiot until he yells at Allen to wake up. Allen wakes up, immediately saying he wasn’t sleeping. Bay asks Allen to take the controls; he wants to talk to Bigelow. Allen does so, and Bay starts the conversation by awkwardly complimenting Bigelow on one of his favorite explosions ever taking place in Zero Dark Thirty. Bigelow laughs at Bay’s oddities and the two continue to talk as the plane flies.

The plane lands in New York, actually in a private airfield behind Allen’s apartment (“I may act like a starving artist, but you need to remember I started as an actor!” Allen reports). The seven enter the apartment and look out the window across the street to see the Gawker headquarters. Bigelow comments that she doesn’t know how they’re going to take Gawker without any weapons, and Allen laughs nervously to himself about that, saying there’s a funny story about that... He leads them to a closet, which the seven all walk into. There are several pieces of weaponry, guns, and explosives. Bay faints in utter bliss, and Spike and McQueen look at each other, and for the first time ever, actually tell Allen this is pretty cool. Tarantino tells everyone to get to sleep, they have a big day ahead of them tomorrow. Later that night, everyone does fall asleep except for Tarantino and Abrams. Naturally, Abrams is keeping Tarantino up by asking him various questions on how he makes his films, since Abrams loves them all and wants to know how to ape him. Tarantino tells Abrams that he should really stop being such a derivative artist, and Abrams says that really, he doesn’t have enough faith in his own skill to not try to be like George Lucas, Steven Spielberg, or heck, even Tarantino maybe. Tarantino says he has talent; he knows how to shoot a scene at least. Abrams smiles in delight at Tarantino’s passive-aggressive compliment. Suddenly though, the doorbell to the apartment rings and Abrams heads to open the door. A man is standing out there, creepily smiling. He introduces himself as Wes Anderson (The Eccentric Minds of Belmond Lane, The Royal Tenenbaums, The Grand Budapest Hotel), and Tarantino is instantly suspicious. He draws a gun to threaten Anderson, and Anderson immediately comments that that seemed to escalate far too quickly. He then explains that he came here to help, since, much like how, when you see a Tarantino movie, you know it’s a Tarantino movie, the same can be said for Wes Anderson movies. Tarantino is flattered that Anderson wants to help with whatever Tarantino is doing, but Abrams starts cheering for them to fight because he thinks it’d be cool. Tarantino glares at Abrams who immediately shuts up. Tarantino then shakes Anderson’s hand, saying that he’s happy he came; he desperately wanted a team of eight, a Hateful Eight, for maximum irony in his revenge. Only a few hours remain until the assault on Gawker.

Bristow runs into Denton’s office to speak with his boss. Denton asks Bristow what he wants, and Bristow answers that he’s been getting a lot of angry calls from big directors (like George Clooney and Ben Affleck) and other people in the Hollywood industry about the Hateful Eight leak. Denton is disgusted, saying they should turn on Tarantino for killing a man. Bristow comments that in Hollywood, you can do whatever you want (except go on a racist, anti-Semitic rant) and keep your career. Besides, according to several Hollywood workers, Tarantino shouldn’t really be to blame for the murder, since really, he was under so much duress thanks to the script leak. Denton says to tell him the actual point, and Bristow says that they want Gawker to the pull the leak. Denton is disgusted; the Hateful Eight leak is giving Gawker its biggest web traffic in years! How dare Bristow suggest such a thing! Denton grabs the gun that killed Virgo and shoots Bristow. Bristow, slowly dying, asks Denton why he did this. Denton says that Bristow expected too much of them. Denton’s phone rings and Denton immediately picks up and talks to the man, telling him not to worry, Tarantino going insane helps their cause severely, and yes, the specialists should be here soon. As Denton hangs up, Bristow comments from the floor that really, they should’ve decided to work for the MPAA a long time ago; it pays better than Gawker does. Denton agrees, stating the old fogeys who run the MPAA have more money than any website traffic will really give them… although web traffic is important for extra money. Bristow nods his head but then dies. As Denton throws Bristow’s body out the window (can’t have it smelling up the place), Denton’s phone buzzes, letting him that the MPAA’s specialists, the Ochord, have arrived.

Rodriguez enters with his seven other team members following close behind. These members are Ethan Coen (Empty Hearth, Careful Laid Plans, Risk Management), Joel Coen (True Grit, No Country for Old Men, Burn After Reading), Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead, Miserable Fans, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World), David O. Russell (American Hustle, Silver Linings Playbook, The Three-Month Funeral), Joss Whedon (Marvel’s The Avengers, The End of the Universe, Planeswalkers: A New World), Jennifer Lee (Frozen, Wreck-It Ralph, Frozen Fever), and Ang Lee (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Life of Pi, Brokeback Mountain). He then asks what exactly their mission here is; they aren’t typically contracted out to work directly under MPAA officers. Denton says that, thanks to his friend higher up in the MPAA chain, he believes Tarantino should be coming with seven other people any minute now for bloody vengeance. The job of the Ochord is to finish Tarantino off once and for all. Rodriguez’s eyes widen; he wanted to leave Tarantino out of his secret double life as an MPAA enforcer. Denton doesn’t notice the response and instead snaps his fingers at Bristow. Bristow leaves the room (removing Carrey’s body while he’s at it) and quickly returns with a box of weapons. Ethan and Joel head to grab a machete for each of them, saying they actually enjoy the gracefulness of the weapon. Wright grabs some nunchuks, saying he doesn’t want to kill anyone, but he knows he’ll need to defend himself. Russell snorts at this slight pacifism, and thus grabs an AK-47 for himself, squealing with delight that he has it. Whedon and Jennifer look at each other, both of them really not wanting to hurt anyone, or even defend themselves. Thus, they don’t grab any weapons. Ang looks at them weirdly, but then understands. He’s not going to grab a weapon either; why use a weapon when you know martial arts? A loud buzz suddenly goes off, and Denton turns his head to the security TV right behind his desk. Tarantino is at the front door of the building, along with his Eight. Denton smiles and says to finish them all.

Outside the building, Allen apologizes for one thing: even though he had so much weaponry, he did not have any bullets. The rest of the Eight are all already visibly annoyed with him, but there’s not much they can do about it now. Suddenly, the doors open and Tarantino screams, “We’re the Hateful Eight, and you’re going down, you Gawking son-of-bitches!” The Ochord storms down the stairs of the seven floor building as Denton locks himself and Bristow in his office. Now it’s time for an epic battle royale! Thanks to the confusing amount of fights going on, I’m going to write this in separate paragraphs, but you have to imagine they’re all intercut in a chronological and fascinating way. Let’s start this up!

On the second floor of the building, Russell arrives and starts shooting everything in sight! Seven of the Eight pass by, but McQueen realizes a fight must occur! However, how can he fight a man armed with an AK-47? Russell has the high ground on the stairs! McQueen begins to jump behind pillars, working his way up to Russell! Russell screams several expletives in utter glee! McQueen manages to sneak around him thanks to the pillars, grabbing him by the neck! Russell drops the AK-47, and asks where McQueen came from! McQueen smiles, and says that in the future, Russell should think better before referring to a four-film contract as worse than 12 Years a Slave! Russell screams in terror as McQueen kicks him in the groin! Russell falls down the remaining flight of stairs, dying along the way!

On the third floor of the building, everyone left in the Eight passes the level except for Abrams and Anderson, who are stopped by the sudden arrival of the Coen Brothers! Ethan and Joel show off their machetes, but they didn’t count on Abrams’ secret weapon! Abrams tosses a lightsaber to Anderson and then draws his own! Unfortunately, as Anderson wields the saber, he soon discovers it is merely a prop! Anderson and Abrams then promptly run away from Ethan and Joel who are both wielding their machetes, but then Anderson gets an idea! Anderson leads Abrams and, thus, the Coens to the elevator! Anderson yells at Abrams that he should know what to do from Toy Story 2! Abrams yells back that he hasn’t seen that movie in a long time! Anderson says he hasn’t either, but it’s the only frame of reference he can think of! Abrams suddenly remembers and then opens up the hatch to the top of the elevator! However, Anderson holds off Joel and Ethan by overusing the fake lightsabers! Ethan sees right through it though, and passes by Anderson to get to the top of the elevator! Anderson is decapitated by Joel, oddly smiling when he dies! Meanwhile, at the top of the elevator, Abrams jumps around to avoid Ethan’s machete, but then gets what Anderson truly meant! He maneuvers himself so that Ethan’s machete hits the elevator cable, after which Abrams jumps up to grab the new end of the cable! The elevator plummets to the bottom floor, leading Ethan and Joel to their deaths! Abrams comments that he’ll miss Anderson’s unique framing!

On the fourth floor of the building, Ang and Wright stop the remaining five immediately! Spike says he’ll take care of it, and the others run past Ang and Wright! Well, not everyone; Allen wants to stick around for the fight! Ang moves in for the fight with Spike specifically (a battle of the Lees) while Wright goes after Allen with his nunchuks! Spike kicks Ang in the stomach, but Ang jumps back before the kick connects! Meanwhile, Wright apologizes, but says he has to hurt Allen! Allen smartly decides to just run away! Ang jumps up in the air and kicks Spike six times in the stomach in an epic wire-fu moment! As Wright is stuck chasing Allen, he quickly becomes annoyed and just throws the nunchuks at Allen! Although Ang has Spike at his mercy, what he doesn’t count on is Allen ducking from the nunchuks, causing them to hit Ang in the face! Ang starts to massively bleed all over the place from his head, but he is much too enraged to truly notice! However, in his bloody blindness, Ang walks over to Wright, and, believing he’s Spike, snaps Wright’s neck before he can protest! Ang then passes out, dead, thanks to severe blood loss! Spike thanks Allen for saving his life! Allen says that Spike is welcome, and Spike should still star in Original Love! Spike glares at Allen, and tells him not to push his luck!

On the fifth floor, Jennifer and Whedon are waiting for everyone! Tarantino manages to slip by though as Bay and Bigelow run to confront their fight! However, Jennifer announces they don’t want to fight! Indeed, Whedon mentions that they were practically kidnapped by Rodriguez and forced to be in his stupid task force! Bay doesn’t care about logic, and punches Whedon in the face! Whedon asks what that was for, and Bay heroically responds that he can punch Whedon in the face all day! Bigelow apologizes for Bay’s rude behavior to Whedon, and asks him if his face hurts! Before Whedon can reply, Bay says he just wants to prove himself as a worthy companion of Bigelow! Jennifer rolls her eyes at the passive sexism! However, Bigelow mentions that the notion of proving one’s self to a lover is very archaic, but still very sweet of Bay! Despite her annoyance at Bay’s sexist comment, Jennifer says that Bay and Bigelow would be a very cute couple! Bay is confused, and asks if they are truly together! Bigelow responds by kissing Bay on the lips very romantically! As Bigelow moves back, Bay just starts smiling with a goofy grin! Whedon starts applauding, happy for the new couple! Unfortunately, Bay did not properly secure his pocket, and a stick of dynamite falls out of it! Whedon’s quick reflexes allow him to grab it before it hits the ground, but unfortunately, it explodes his hand clear-off! As Whedon begins to bleed to death, Whedon asks why this happened! Bay shrugs with a reply, saying that Whedon should’ve really thought better before ripping off Transformers 3 in Avengers! Whedon screams in utter terror, but neither Bay nor Bigelow acknowledge it! Instead, they begin to make out passionately! Jennifer looks at the scene in disgust, and calls the two action directors “major Chris Buck-ups!” Even Whedon groans at the awful pun as he dies!

Finally, on the sixth floor, Tarantino runs into Rodriguez! Rodriguez apologizes in advance for the uppercut punch he delivers to Tarantino’s chin! As Tarantino recoils, Rodriguez says that if he truly had a choice, he wouldn’t hurt Tarantino at all, but unfortunately, fate has led to him to have to kill Tarantino! Tarantino punches him in the stomach while screaming the simple question of “Why?”! As Rodriguez spits blood out of his mouth, he answers that if he doesn’t kill Tarantino this very night, the MPAA will blacklist him from Hollywood and any major release in America for the rest of Rodriguez’s life! Tarantino kicks him in the stomach, and says that Rodriguez deserves it; if he hadn’t switched to shooting digital over actual film and betrayed his roots, maybe the quality of the actual movies wouldn’t have gone down! Rodriguez rolls his eyes, and then tucks and rolls to trip Tarantino! Rodriguez then stands up and puts his boot on Tarantino’s face and says that he really doesn’t want to kill or even hurt Tarantino, but if Rodriguez has to choose between Tarantino’s film career and his own, he’s definitely going with his own career! Tarantino decides to use one of his most infamous qualities to his advantage and begins sucking on Rodriguez’s boot! As Rodriguez jumps back in response, Tarantino rolls and kicks him in the groin from the ground! As Rodriguez holds his beloved man parts, Tarantino gets up from the ground and asks that if the MPAA is going to hurt Rodriguez and his career, why didn’t he just tell Tarantino and then the two of them could’ve took on the MPAA together, as brothers-in-arms! Rodriguez breaks down into manly tears, and tells Tarantino he didn’t want to sully Tarantino’s much better career by bringing him down to Rodriguez’s level by getting him involved! Tarantino puts out his hand and says that whether Rodriguez wants him to or not, Tarantino is involved with this MPAA power struggle, and Rodriguez and Tarantino, the Ochord and the Eight, will take down Gawker and the MPAA together! The rest of the fights are done by this point in the film, and Rodriguez realizes the truth of what Tarantino is saying. Rodriguez speaks into an earpiece and tells anyone alive in the Ochord to report to the sixth floor: they’re going to take down Gawker, and then the MPAA together.

Alas, the only one alive is Jennifer, but with Anderson dead, they are now Tarantino and the Hateful Eight. On the seventh floor, Denton waits in his office when he gets a video call from right outside his room. It’s Bristow, who says that Rodriguez has betrayed them. Denton asks how he knows, and Bristow explodes on the monitor as Bay’s faint giggle is heard. Denton quickly calls his boss on the phone and asks him what to do now that all is lost. Barely audible, the boss says that in order for Gawker to survive, he must transfer the current call to the video chat. As Denton clicks buttons to do this, Denton asks what about his own survival. The boss on the phone chuckles at the question as Denton finishes the process. Suddenly, the door behind him opens and two gunshots go through him: one is a headshot by Tarantino, the other is a shot in the chest from Rodriguez. He immediately falls to the ground dead, and Rodriguez and Tarantino high-five each other. However, as the other directors enter the room, they all notice the static-y picture on the TV set behind Bristow’s desk. Suddenly, the identity of Denton’s boss is made clear, and Tarantino is in utter shock: Martin Scorsese is the man behind Gawker, and the true agent of the MPAA! Scorsese smiles at the nine directors’ shocked looks, and Bay asks who the fuck is this guy; he’s never seen him before in his life. Scorsese rolls his eyes at Bay and Tarantino asks him what he’s doing. Scorsese says that they caught him, so why not explain what’s been going on? Scorsese has been working with the MPAA closely for the last decade. If you think about it, it’s very obvious: if Scorsese didn’t have an in with the MPAA, how could The Wolf of Wall Street only be rated R? McQueen says that’s a good point, since Shame wasn’t nearly as inappropriate as Wolf. Scorsese smiles at McQueen, and then turns to Tarantino, saying that Scorsese always intended for Tarantino to go on this epic bloody vengeance quest. After all, there’s no way his career will survive it, either with an MPAA enforcer or just in the eyes of the public. Scorsese explains that with Tarantino out of a career, the MPAA will be pleased that almost all high profile graphically violent movies are no longer important. Also with Tarantino gone, the very dark comedy genre will be monopolized by Scorsese himself, and he will finally win his third directing Oscar in just a few days. Spike asks what the fuck is he talking about, and Allen looks grimly, saying he heard about AMPAS’ recent rule involving posthumous wins. Simply put (and Allen finds this more utter bullshit on why the Academy Awards are a waste of time), if someone dies before the ceremony, they are disqualified from winning. Scorsese points out that his remake of Bugsy Malone is the only eligible movie now. The other noms were Wes Anderson, who’s dead, the Coen Brothers, who are dead, and finally David O. Russell, who died too. Scorsese has to win now. Bigelow steps forward and tells Scorsese he must be mistaken; he forgot the fifth nominee: herself. Scorsese frowns, but then smiles, saying that Bigelow is right, and then he presses a button on a remote control he is holding. A spear jabs out of the TV Scorsese is being displayed on and stabs Bigelow right through her chest. Bigelow falls to the ground in agony, and Bay bends down to help her, hoping to save her life. Scorsese says goodbye to Tarantino and his friends, saying that he hopes they enjoy the self-destruction. As the TV turns off, the building begins to crumble around them. Jennifer asks what do they do, and Bay, holding Bigelow and kissing her softly, pulls out a grapple gun, and shoots it out the window! The grapple zigs and zags through a bit of New York and then hits the private jet. Bay explains that he put in an electromagnet for his airplane in case he ever forgot where he parked it; the grapple-line should be able to double as a zipline. They all evacuate, getting onto Bay’s zipline one by one. Finally, it’s just Bay and Abrams alone in the crumbling Gawker building. Abrams asks Bay how he thought ahead for the zipline. Bay just stares blankly back at Abrams, with tears in his eyes and Abrams has no more words to say. As he goes down the zipline, he says quietly that he is a Michael Bay fanboy now. Bay then takes the zipline one-handed with Bigelow in his arms. As he tries to load the plane carrying her, Allen stops him, saying to Bay sadly that Bigelow is gone forever. Spike takes Bigelow’s body to carry back to Hollywood in the cargo bay as Bay himself breaks down into Allen’s arms, who tries to soothe him, but ultimately, fails.

The jet takes off, and Allen leaves it on autopilot back to Hollywood. The remaining eight meet in the cabin to have a meeting. Rodriguez beats himself on the fact that he was too busy protecting his own skin to really look into the MPAA when he was under their employment. Tarantino doesn’t blame him for it, but Spike does, calling Rodriguez an imbecile. Rodriguez takes the insult to heart, and then apologizes to everyone for ultimately leading to the deaths of eight wonderfully talented directors today. Jennifer looks at him and tells him that he’s wrong. Rodriguez might not be the best guy in the world; he’s not even a good guy. However, the deaths of the Coens, Ang, Wright, Russell, Whedon, Anderson, and Bigelow were Scorsese’s fault and Scorsese’s fault alone. He manipulated both Rodriguez and Tarantino to this and they can’t let him win. Tarantino agrees with Jennifer and says that he has an idea. Allen points out that the last idea Tarantino had led them to this bloody carnage, but McQueen says they should hear Tarantino out. After all, McQueen might not be a big fan of Tarantino, but he’s a good leader to them all. Tarantino thanks McQueen and then says there’s only one thing to do: the Oscars are less than 24 hours. They need to kill Scorsese at the ceremony and expose the MPAA’s corruption to the world. Then, they need to dedicate the Best Director Oscar to the eight directors who just died in the onslaught on Gawker. Rodriguez is in immediately, saying he’ll never leave Tarantino’s side. Jennifer is in too, along with Spike and Allen. McQueen is in, saying he trusts Tarantino now with his life at least. The seven stare at Bay, who hasn’t said a word since entering the plane. He stares at the seven of them, and gives a sad smile, stating quietly, “Let’s go win an Oscar.”

Live from the Dolby Theater, it’s the Academy Awards! Neil Patrick Harris (Gone Girl, The Smurfs, Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle) is hosting, which means it’s going to be a sweet time. After all, who could possibly be a better host than NPH? However, a quick look at the audience easily reveals the current viewpoint in Hollywood: it’s a dangerous place. After eight directors were found dead the previous day in Gawker’s now obliterated headquarters, no one wants to be out in public, actor or director. Well, that might be a tad of an exaggeration as there are two people attending the Oscars of their own accord: Martin Scorsese and Ben Stiller (Tropic Thunder, Reality Shift, Meet the Fockers). NPH make a few jokes about them but then his monologue is cut short by his need to announce recently appointed officers of AMPAS to make sure there are no threats at this year’s Oscar ceremony. Spike Jonze (A Woman in the Crowd, Her, High Life) and Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Don Jon, Inception, The Bellringer of Notre Dame) take the stage and introduce themselves as cops, since, as they have both experienced many aspects of the filmmaking arts, they decided to become officers for AMPAS, which is pretty sweet. They reassure the two person audience that they are on the lookout for any suspicious characters.

And with that, it is time for the first award! George Clooney (The Perfect Storm, Gravity, Ocean’s Eleven) comes out and says it’s time to award the Best Animated Feature of the year. Clooney snarks that there really aren’t any of the nominees here, so why should he bother reading them out loud. Stiller boos him but Clooney tells Stiller to fuck off. “And the Oscar goes to...,” but before Clooney can open the envelope, Jennifer takes the stage from the back entrance. Clooney asks her what’s she doing there, and she says she’d like to accept her second Oscar. Clooney points out that she didn’t even have a movie release in the previous year, and Jennifer shrugs, asking who else is going to accept the Oscar. Clooney tries to counter this argument but finds that there’s nothing he can truly say. He hands her the Oscar and she goes into an acceptance speech, thanking the Academy. Scorsese watches from the audience, highly suspicious from Jennifer’s arrival.

After she finishes her speech, NPH returns, because it’s time for a dance number! An original song, “A Day at the Oscars Can Be Lonely, But Not As Lonely As Going To Disneyland By Yourself” is performed, as NPH runs through classic films such as Casablanca and The Room represented as Disneyland rides, and seven back-up dancers dressed as the Seven Dwarfs dance with NPH. As the song quickly ends, we see the back-up dancers edit and take off their giant head costumes. It’s the Hateful Eight, minus Jennifer. Tarantino mentions that Jennifer’s part of the plan went off without a hitch. Yes, Jennifer was supposed to awkwardly interrupt Clooney’s presentation so that way the rest of them could sneak into the theater without being seen. Now for the rest of the plan. Tarantino tells Bay that he needs to set up the back-up plan explosives for the theater in case they fail at stopping Scorsese. Tarantino and Rodriguez will confront Scorsese himself during the Best Director presentation. As Bay leaves to do his duty, Spike asks what the remaining four should do for the plan, and Tarantino stares at them awkwardly. He actually doesn’t have a place for them in the plan. McQueen asks why they’re even there for this plan then. Tarantino gives a kooky smile, and says he wanted a Hateful Eight again – y’know, for irony! The four directors glare at him and Abrams says that he just lost a lot of respect for Tarantino. McQueen rolls his eyes and say he’s getting concessions, and as the four directors leave to watch the ceremony (since they are all members of the Academy anyway), Allen remarks that he hopes this is a good show; this will be his first time in a long while.

Later on that night, Best Director is going to be announced by Ben Affleck. Affleck takes the stage and starts making awkward jokes, and says that maybe one day, he’ll win the award or maybe, just maybe, even be nominated. Stiller laughs hysterically at this joke, but Scorsese, Abrams, McQueen, Spike, Allen, and Jennifer (who joined the audience after her win) just stare at him awkwardly. Affleck mentions the new “posthumous wins are banned” rule kinda kills the suspense in the category, but for tradition’s sake (he glares at Clooney off-stage at this moment), he’s going to read the nominees. Wes Anderson for Fuzzy Mojo. Kathryn Bigelow for The Death. Ethan and Joel Coen for How to Die Conformably in Rio. David O. Russell for Pizza Town. Martin Scorsese for Bugsy Malone. And the Oscar goes to... Martin Scorsese, to absolutely no one’s surprise! Scorsese runs to the stage, overjoyed he has won his third directing Oscar.

His celebration is short-lived though when Tarantino and Rodriguez jump from the rafters! Immediately, Rodriguez tackles Scorsese and restrains him to the ground. Tarantino grabs the mic, and, in utter worry of Tarantino being a raging murder, the play-off music begins blaring at loudest volume. Affleck notices that when Tarantino landed on the stage, a gun fell out of Tarantino’s notoriously small pockets on his suit. Affleck grabs the unnoticed gun off the ground and aims at Tarantino for a second, who stares at Affleck in actual terror. Affleck then moves the gun slightly and shoots, killing the conductor of the play-off music. Affleck says he wants to hear what Tarantino has to say to them all there. Tarantino exposes the MPAA’s corruption of the Academy, mentioning how they forced the bullshit “no posthumous wins” rules in, which they should all know is a dumb win. He also brings up the very recent deaths of Brad Bird, Michael Fassbender, Ang Lee, David O. Russell, Wes Anderson, Ethan and Joel Coen, Joss Whedon, Edgar Wright, and Kathryn Bigelow, and accuses Scorsese of causing, either directly or indirectly, all of these unfortunate deaths. Scorsese even attempted the cruel irony of manipulating Tarantino to kill Rodriguez or vice versa. Scorsese is the true bad guy here in Hollywood. Scorsese laughs hysterically at Tarantino, saying who the fuck is honestly going to believe him. Spike stands up and says that even though he despises Quentin Tarantino (while winking at the man himself), he believes what he’s saying. Allen stands and says he believes him. McQueen believes him. Jennifer believes him. Clooney walks out on stage and says he felt left out, and he believes in Tarantino himself. Stiller starts loudly complaining, asking if this is truly the best the Oscars have: a shitty Spartacus rip-off?

Finally, JGL and Jonze return to the stage, taking their roles of cops of AMPAS very seriously. JGL states AMPAS was well aware of the MPAA corruption going on in Hollywood, and it’s their job to put Scorsese under arrest. Indeed, JGL does just that, and puts Scorsese in handcuffs. Jonze then pulls out his own handcuffs and arrests Tarantino. Tarantino asks why the fuck he’s doing that; he just gave AMPAS its biggest bust of illegal MPAA influence in history. Jonze apologizes, but says that regardless of intent or Scorsese’s influence, Tarantino has either killed directly or led to the deaths of many Hollywood workers, and he’s now under arrest multiple murders. Spike runs up to Jonze on stage and tells him something important: who the fuck cares? Allen yells to Jonze that the filmmakers of the world have forgiven him for suspicious dealings, and heck, Roman Polanski got a standing ovation at the Oscars after raping an innocent girl. Why should murders really matter in Hollywood. Abrams, eager to look smart, also yells out that this is why Hollywood should forgive Mel Gibson for just being racist; it’s not bad a crime. Spike looks Abrams in utter annoyance, and McQueen shoots Abrams in the kneecap to prove him wrong. Spike yells thank you to McQueen and McQueen gives him a thumbs up. As Abrams screams in his own personal agony, Allen feels the need to point out that he’s definitely not racist anymore: he added another minor black character to Original Love! Everyone ignores Allen’s comment, and instead look to Jonze for his decision. Jonze ponders it for a few seconds, but then sees the logic: it’s Hollywood, why should anyone actually care about the personal life? Come fifty years from now, no one will remember crimes; rather, they’ll remember the works of art. Tarantino is let go on the basis that he makes good films and the audience of directors cheers, as Tarantino and Rodriguez hug each other. However, Jonze does go to arrest Affleck, since he murdered the conductor. Affleck protests, saying that he’s a good asset to Hollywood. 24 Hours and Argo were great movies. Jonze points out that no one likes his acting though as he handcuffs Affleck. Affleck screams that he thought he gave a good performance once or twice in his career. Jennifer yells, “Fuck off, Daredevil and just let it go,” and everyone laughs for once at Jennifer’s awful Frozen pun, except for Tarantino. Tarantino tells Jonze to stop, drawing another gun out of his pocket. Tarantino well realizes how Affleck has been supporting him in this recent difficult time in his life, and wants to save him from a lifetime of jail. Scorsese, realizing there’s no attention on him during this stand-off between Tarantino and Jonze, headbutts JGL and then breaks the handcuffs easily, revealing they were prop handcuffs from a movie rather than actual handcuffs. Rodriguez notices Scorsese is free, but it’s too late: Scorsese has grabbed JGL’s real gun and aims it at Rodriguez. Rodriguez draws his own gun and aims it at Scorsese. Jonze aims his gun at Tarantino and Tarantino does the same to Jonze. It’s a standoff of utmost tension. Abrams cheers for Tarantino to win, but then Scorsese quickly turns and shoots Abrams in the head, killing him instantly. As Jonze attempts to defend himself, Tarantino shoots him and accidentally Affleck at the same time. Rodriguez turns to Tarantino to call him an idiot, but then Scorsese shoots Rodriguez. Tarantino ducks to avoid Scorsese’s gunshots, who is now aiming directly at him. Scorsese then gets a better idea: he shoots everyone in the audience, including George Clooney. It’s just Tarantino and Scorsese now; two last dark, violent directors in the ultimate showdown. They toss their guns aside and run towards each other when suddenly, the stage explodes. Tarantino realizes that Bay set off his explosives after hearing all the gunshots and he runs for the exit. However, Scorsese shoots him in the back and Tarantino falls to the ground. Scorsese has won... until a giant Oscar statue lands him, instantly killing him. We see the explosions were set up to such a large magnitude that all of Hollywood has been leveled by the destruction and fallout of the explosions.

A month later, Michael Bay drives a pickup truck through the effectively abandoned Hollywood. A voice-over informs us he was hiding in a bomb shelter when he set off the explosions. Now, Scorsese is dead but so is practically every Hollywood filmmaker. Those who did survive, such as Steven Spielberg and James Cameron, have relocated to New York, believing Hollywood to be too much of a dangerous place. However, Bay still likes Hollywood and he returns to his leveled mansion, where only a statue of Bumblebee stands now. He heads into his cellar to pick up the script he was working on for Spielberg before the whole Hateful Eight business started. He smiles at the script titled DORA THE EXPLORER. As he heads out to his car, he notices something in his passenger seat: the picture of Kathryn Bigelow he keeps now as a reminder for the one woman he ever truly loved. He looks under the picture and finds another script: MURDER AND MERCY by Mark Boal. He realizes it was Bigelow’s next project, and he decides to take it on for himself, throwing Dora the Explorer out to the wind. After all, if there’s one thing he’s learned from this experience, it’s that good directors can be bad people and bad directors can possibly save the day. Maybe, just maybe, he will make his first ever masterpiece. For Tarantino, for the Eight, for the Ochord, and Kathryn Bigelow, Bay thinks, as he drives off into the sunset.

THE END.

Theaters: 207 (limited [35mm and 70mm screens only]), 3,749 (wide)
Rating: R for intense sequences of action and violence, strong language, and sensuality.
Budget: $160 million

Edited November 17, 2014 by Blankments

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Move Special Effects Team 2 to November 27th.

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Time for a good old-fashioned Numbers Violent Period Epic


The House of Atreus

 

Genre: Period Epic/Mythology
Michael Fassbender (Aegisthus), Richard Armitage (Thyestes), Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (Agamemnon), Natalie Dormer (Clytemnestra), Dan Stevens (Menelaus), Helena Bonham Carter (Aerope), Alfred Molina (Tyndareus), Ray Winstone (Eurystheus), and Guy Pearce (Atreus)
Directed By: Ang Lee
Written By: Peter Morgan and Matthew Weiner
Original Music By: Dario Marianelli
Release Date: 12/13
Theater Count: 3460 theaters
Budget: $130 million
Running Time: 186 minutes
MPAA Rating: R for graphic violence, disturbing images, thematic elements, sexual content, and nudity

Plot Summary: The film is inspired by Greek mythology, though is based on no particular source. It is the first of a three-part series.

 

The film opens with three brothers walking on a rocky hillside in Central Greece: Atreus, age 18, Thyestes, age 16, and Chrysippus, age 9. All three are the sons of Pelops, king of the city-state of Olympia, though Chrysippus is Pelops’ son by his second wife and is believed to be his father’s choice as heir. The three brothers talk on their walk, and eventually Atreus gets in a battle of words with Chrysippus, which escalates into him taunting his young half-brother. Thyestes tries to calm Atreus down but Atreus begins to mockingly smack Chrysippus around, saying that Chrysippus is weak and doesn’t deserve to steal the throne from him. Chrysippus, scared, runs off, and Thyestes tries to hold Atreus back from following but Atreus punches his brother, knocking him down. Atreus catches up with Chrysippus and, after grabbing him, throws him down the steep hillside, the young boy’s body tumbling down and smacking against rocks before lying still. Suddenly realizing the weight of what he just did, Atreus runs down the hill, calling out to Chrysippus in apology and asking if he is all right. When Atreus checks his half-brother’s body however he finds the back smeared with blood. Chrysippus is dead. Thyestes arrives and, seeing the sight, says “what have you done, brother?” Atreus is unable to answer and begins to weep over what a momentary flash of anger has wrought.

The scene changes to the throne room of Pelops, the father overcome with anger and grief as his two sons kneel before him. Pelops gives Atreus a cold stare and says that though Atreus did not intend for Chrysippus to die, Atreus’ anger and jealousy is a dangerous thing and the death of an heir is a grievous crime. Because he cannot raise a hand against his own flesh, he sentences Atreus to permanent exile. Atreus gets up to leave and is followed by Thyestes. Pelops calls out to Thyestes, saying that he is blameless in the affair and can stay at Olympia as his new heir. Thyestes pauses for a moment and says if he had been a better brother and son, the death would never have happened, and thus he is to blame. Thyestes continues on his exit, Pelops sinking in his throne at the loss of all three of his sons.

Outside the palace, Atreus asks Thyestes why he has left everything behind to join him. Thyestes says that the Gods have willed it that their destinies be intertwined and he would not abandon his brother at a time such as this. Atreus thanks his brother and says that together the two of them will be remembered forever for the mark they shall place on the world. The two walk into the future as the screen slowly fades to black.

THE HOUSE OF ATREUS

FIFTEEN YEARS LATER

Mycenae, one of the greatest powers of the Peloponnesus. But the great city-state has been challenged by the rival power of Argos, which lies several days march away. The council of King Eurystheus debates what to do, with some using competing auguries to push their viewpoint. Eurystheus (Winstone) says that there is no doubt that war is inevitable, but there remains the question of how to prosecute it. He spots one man looking eager to speak and says “Atreus, have you something to say?” Atreus (Pearce), now 33, steps into the center of the room and presents his military plan for defeating Argos. They cannot win by quickly placing the city under siege with their army, since the walls are strong and by the time they wear down the defenses, allies of Argos may have joined the conflict. Instead they must lure the Argive army out of the city and then trap it between two forces and annihilate it. Then the Argives will sue for peace. The plan is agreeable to most of the council and Eurystheus approves. As Atreus returns to his seat, the king says that he will depart with one-third of the army and that Atreus will depart with another third, leaving the rest for defense. But now there comes the matter of who shall run Mycenae in the king’s absence. One councilor says that the council will together make decisions, but one person says that someone must lead the council and nominates Thyestes. Thyestes (Armitage), age 31, is sitting next to Atreus and appears slightly surprised. Eurystheus calls Thyestes forward to the center. Once there, Eurystheus says that Thyestes has proven to be a clever, patient, and just councilor, a good man to run a city in the absence of its king. He says that during the course of the war, Thyestes shall lead the council and will approve or deny all of their decisions. With that Eurystheus ends the meeting and withdraws into the palace and the council disperses. Several councilors congratulate Atreus and Thyestes on their fortune, saying that the Gods smile on them. The two brothers thank them for their words of support and exit the chamber in smiles.

The two brothers walk through the rich city, talking about their good fortune. In the conversation we hear brief snippets recounting their travels from Olympia through Greece, how they wound up in Mycenae, and finally how they rose to become the two most respected young men in the city. Eventually they reach a luxurious home, which belongs to Atreus. Atreus tells Thyestes that once the war is over he should bring his children over more often, since they could use a mother’s doting more. Thyestes nods sadly, saying that luckily they are too young to remember their mother, so the loss was not hard on either of them. He then departs for his own estate.

Atreus enters his home and finds his wife Aerope (Carter), who is known to be the most clever and influential woman in Mycenae. Atreus says that soon he shall win the two of them the glory that will ensure their good fortune forever. Aerope seems pleased by the notion and tells her husband that she knew when she first saw him that he had an air of greatness about him.

Thyestes returns to his home and finds his children, Pelopia, age 6, and Aegisthus, age 3, playing in the courtyard with servants watching them. Thyestes warmly greets them both and says that soon it will be time for supper. He picks up Aegisthus with one arm and holds Pelopia’s hand with his other as the three go further into the estate.

We see a couple more short expository scenes showing the two brothers. Thyestes is warm and encouraging, while Atreus is colder and manipulative, similar to his wife. We also see Atreus’ two sons: Agamemnon, 5, and Menelaus, 1. Then with the next scene we see the main army of Mycenae assembling outside the main city to depart on its war journey. Atreus and Thyestes embrace and Thyestes wishes his brother good fortune in the upcoming war. The Mycenaean army then departs, numbering several thousand, with Eurystheus in the lead, Atreus and the other captains of the army right behind. We then see a short scene where the Mycenaean army breaks into two groups, with Eurystheus’ force as the bait and Atreus’ force as the trap. That night, before Atreus goes to his own camp, he meets with Eurystheus in the king’s tent. Eurystheus confides in Atreus. We learn that the king is childless and fears that if he dies there would be a power struggle. He says that Atreus would be a great candidate to rule the city-state once he is gone, though his wish is to have the Council pick the future king since it is better to have a group of wise men make such an important decision. Atreus promises to carry out the will of the king.

The film then moves ahead to the next day, with Atreus’ camp being roused from slumber by heralds shouting that a force from Argos had made a night march to preemptively strike Eurystheus’ force. Atreus rallies his forces and leads them on a quick march to strike the Argives and coming over a hill the force sees a confused and violent melee between Argives and Mycenaeans. As Atreus has his men charge down into the Argive rear, Eurystheus keeps his outnumbered forces in good order and fights with them tenaciously. He sees the banners and hears the horns of Atreus’ men, so he exhorts his men further and presses a counter-attack. It is a short but chaotic battle, with some shots showing Atreus viciously hacking down any enemies in front of him, and soon the Argives realize that they are close to being trapped and try to retreat. The Mycenaeans show no mercy in the retreat and only a fraction of the Argives escape. The Mycenaean army celebrates but Atreus’ joy is short-lived when he hears from a messenger that Eurystheus has been badly wounded in the fight.

The scene returns to Mycenae with the Council being notified of Eurystheus’ wounding, though the king has a chance at recovery. After some debate Thyestes convinces the council to wait for further news, since it is unlikely the invasion of Argos will continue if the king dies. Returning home, he plays with Pelopia for a minute before a messenger tells him that Aerope has sent for him. Thyestes goes to Atreus’ estate and meets Aerope, who tells him that her husband has sent the two of them each a message. Before Thyestes reads it, Aerope takes hold of his arm and whispers that nothing Thyestes can do will change Atreus’ mind, so it would be best for them all if Thyestes does as asked. Thyestes slowly pulls away from Aerope and reads the message, his face showing a growing expression of surprise and then horror.

At the Mycenaean camp, Atreus enters Eurystheus’ tent with a jug of wine and sits next to the bedridden king, whose health is up in the air. Eurystheus says that another victory like the earlier one and Argos would fall and that the Argives know this. The king says that it is a shame he might miss such a triumph but Atreus assures him that the gods will look after his health. Atreus then pours the king a cup of wine and tells him that he will soon be riding through Argos in triumph. Eurystheus tells Atreus that he is a true friend before taking a long drink from the cup.

The scene shifts to the Council in Mycenae, a couple of days later, Thyestes looking troubled. After some discussion of city matters, a herald bursts into the chamber, exhausted. After regaining composure, he informs the council that the king is dead, having succumbed to his wounds. This news stuns the council and the members degenerate into babble. Thyestes finally asserts himself and tells the others that they must recall the army since it is folly to engage in a war with an empty throne. The other council members agree. One member says that Thyestes’ calm and poised demeanor makes him an ideal choice to lead the group that will commission the new king and the rest of the council unanimously praises the idea, Thyestes graciously accepting but then turning away with a look of displeasure.

The Mycenaean army returns to the city-state and Atreus has assumed command of the army. He enters the council chamber confidently and tells the council that though the death of Eurystheus disheartened the men, it didn’t change the fact that the army had won a great victory over Argos. Atreus says he took it upon himself to negotiate a truce with Argos, since the Argives were fearful that the Mycenaeans would return once a new king was appointed. In exchange for swearing peace and friendship to Argos, Argos will be providing Mycenae with valuable tribute for many years to come. Some of the council are displeased that Atreus has taken such authority but others say that now they can focus on choosing a new king in peace and be richer for it.

The scene shifts to Atreus meeting with Thyestes in private and Thyestes almost violently berates his brother for what he has done. Atreus asserts himself, his presence cowing his brother, and tells Thyestes that they are one step away from the power they had deserved since birth and that all Thyestes needs to do is gently nudge the other members of his committee towards a decision they were likely to make anyways.

Thyestes returns to his home where he sits in melancholy. Aegisthus wanders up to his father and asks what is wrong. Knowing that his son, only 3, wouldn’t understand most of what has happened, Thyestes says he is just remembering Aegisthus and Pelopia’s mother, who he misses very much. Aegisthus doesn’t remember her at all, so Thyestes tells him a short but sweet story about how he met the most wonderful woman he had ever seen and soon Aegisthus falls asleep on his father’s lap. Atreus meanwhile returns home and embraces Aerope with passion and tells her that soon everything will be theirs. Aerope then says that she knew Atreus had the will to do what was needed to bring them both great fortune. Aroused, Atreus picks Aerope up in his arms and carries her upstairs where they begin to have rough sex.

The next scene is a triumphant procession in the streets, the citizens cheering as the new king is to be crowned. That new king is Atreus, who looks upon the people with pleasure. With Aerope and his children at his side they are taken to a grand plaza and the coronation ceremony begins. Thyestes and his children stand nearby and look on, Thyestes looking a little troubled. After Atreus is crowned he goes to his brother and hugs him, whispering that now their dreams have come true. Atreus then walks forward towards the masses and raises his arms in celebration, the crowd cheering. As the camera looks on from Atreus’ back, the screen slowly fades to black.

TEN YEARS LATER

Atreus rules over Mycenae with an iron fist, generally good-natured but quick to deal harshly with traitors and opposition. The people regard him with a mix of love and fear. Thyestes on the other hand is greatly admired and adored by the public as the person who’ll get things done to help the people. A couple short scenes establish this, as well as showing Atreus and Aerope having become a bit distant, as Atreus is consumed with controlling every detail of Mycenae and defeating any foes who will stop him.
One such foe is Argos, which after ten years of peace has begun to stir for war, bitter at the terms forged by Atreus a decade earlier. Atreus has decided that the only course is to fight back and has marshaled all of Mycenae’s military might. Thyestes counsels patience but his advice is ignored. Atreus says he will lead the army himself and Thyestes will be regent in his place. Thyestes promises to give good counsel to Agamemnon, now 15, and introduce him into leadership situations while Atreus is away. Atreus laughs and says he isn’t planning on dying anytime soon.

Through a couple short scenes we see the children of Atreus and Thyestes aged ten years and how they are maturing. We then see Atreus departing with his army as Thyestes looks on. Aerope appears and puts an arm on Thyestes shoulder, telling him that Atreus will return. Thyestes believes he will too but admits that sometimes part of him wishes that Atreus would not come back. Aerope says that’s just the fearful part of him not wanting things to be discovered and pulls Thyestes in for a kiss. Apparently in the intervening decade Thyestes and Aerope have begun an affair.

We see a handful of scenes showing things progressing. Agamemnon, 15, is showing signs of being a great warrior and has his father’s determination. Menelaus, 11, is very stubborn and headstrong as a child. Aegisthus, 13, is very quiet and subdued but shows a clever mind. Pelopia, 16, has matured into a beautiful young woman and is adored by the public. We see Atreus’ campaign against Argos going well and we see another scene of Thyestes and Aerope in seclusion. However Agamemnon has grown a little suspicious of the two’s activities.

Finally Atreus returns victorious to Mycenae with war trophies and prisoners. He is greeted warmly by Thyestes and the two brothers talk about how far they have come. Atreus says he will never forget how Thyestes joined him when he didn’t have to. Thyestes for a second looks very guilty but hides it and says he wouldn’t wish to be anywhere else.

After a couple more short scenes focusing on the children developing we see another scene of Thyestes and Aerope, this time the two of them actually having sex. Afterwards they talk about their feelings for one another and Aerope suggests that if something ill befell Atreus then it is a custom for a man to wed his brother’s widow. Thyestes is horrified by the suggestion and Aerope says it is only something to consider, since Atreus is not teaching Agamemnon well to be a good leader. The two soon part ways and we learn that Agamemnon, following up on his suspicions, has observed the whole thing from afar.

Agamemnon goes to his father, very unsure of how to proceed, but feeling obligated to tell the truth. After he is able to tell his father everything, Atreus looks utterly stricken by the news. Agamemnon asks what will happen now and Atreus, after a moment of thought, tells Agamemnon to go about his life as if he saw nothing. Atreus says he must have other spies confirm the extent of this before he can act.

Sometime later, we see a scene with Thyestes and Aegisthus, with Thyestes explaining to Aegisthus about how a capable leader uses tricks and deception when necessary. He tells Aegisthus that he is sending him on an errand to a town several miles away to deliver a message from the government to the local leader there. It is Aegisthus’ first major duty and the teen is thrilled.

Aerope enters her bedchamber to find Atreus waiting for her. After a cold exchange of words between them Atreus confronts her about the affair. Aerope denies it at first but then Agamemnon appears from a doorway to say that he saw her with his own eyes. Aerope looks defeated and Atreus tells Agamemnon to leave and go look after his brother, which his son does. Atreus turns back to Aerope and asks why and Aerope says it became obvious that he loved being in power more than he loved her, so she chose to be with a man who loved her more. Atreus demands why she chose Thyestes of all people and Aerope, knowing she has nothing left, becomes cold again and says that Thyestes is everything Atreus isn’t, and a better man to boot. She starts mocking Atreus for his insecurities about Thyestes and says that he was right on all counts. This eventually enrages Atreus enough to assault Aerope and he strangles her to death. Standing over her body, he mutters “you have brought this on yourself, and you too brother.”

Shortly afterwards Thyestes is summoned to a dinner with Atreus and only the two of them are present. Only Thyestes is served as Atreus says he isn’t feeling hungry but Atreus does drink wine. After some initial talk Atreus asks Thyestes if he loves him. Thyestes says of course he loves Atreus, Atreus is his brother. Atreus’ mood then grows dark and asks Thyestes why, if he loves his brother, did he destroy his brother’s heart. Thyestes stops eating and instantly knows the meaning and says he did not intend to do so. Atreus says that it doesn’t matter what Thyestes intended, he took from Atreus one of the few things that gave him joy, and now that thing is gone forever. Thyestes catches the implication and says that if his brother wishes to kill him for his crime, then he will submit. Atreus laughs disturbingly and says that he owes Thyestes far too much to kill him, as the scales of deeds vs. misdeeds still tilts in Thyestes’ favor. As this goes on a servant puts a metal platter down on the table. Atreus says that while he must let Thyestes live, he must take something from Thyestes, to balance the scales. The servant then pulls the cover off the platter, revealing Pelopia’s head. Thyestes stumbles backward in horror and Atreus laughs, saying that one ill turn deserves another. Thyestes is speechless and can only look at his brother I utter shock. Atreus says that his guards have not found Aegisthus, since if they had he would have shared his sister’s fate, but if he escapes the city then so be it. He tells Thyestes that he is to leave the city and never return, and all prominent members of Mycenae who are friends of his are being rounded up and killed at this very moment. All of their blood is on Thyestes’ hands. Atreus gets up and before leaving says one last thing to his brother: “That last day in Olympia, you should have stayed, because no matter what you do brother, I always get my will in the end.”

A short scene shows Agamemnon approaching Atreus in a courtyard. Agamemnon asks why Thyestes was let go and Atreus says that the truth was he did not have it in him to kill his own brother. He tells Agamemnon that it was a weakness and that Agamemnon, when he is leader, must not hesitate to do what is necessary for victory, even if it means shedding his own “blood.” Agamemnon says he will take the lesson to heart.

Thyestes flees from the city, as a montage shows various city leaders being cut down in their homes with their familes. Thyestes eventually reaches the town he had sent Aegisthus to and finds Aegisthus beginning his journey home. Thyestes sees a party of horseman inbound from Mycenae, clearly with a message to the town about his being cast out, and tells Aegisthus that they need to run away. Aegisthus is confused but Thyestes says there is no time and grabs his son and flees north.

The scene changes to show Thyestes and Aegisthus in a hut by a fire, Aegisthus looking heartbroken by the news of Pelopia’s murder. Thyestes tells Aegisthus that Pelopia’s death was his fault, that he betrayed his brother’s trust and love by his affair with Aerope. “But the others, my son, those deaths belong only to Atreus, for they were innocent men, women, and children who simply tried to live their lives for the better of the city.” Thyestes says that it is partly his fault that Atreus sits the throne and Atreus has proven himself to be not worthy. “I am a broken man however” he says “exiled and known, so I cannot set things right. The burden for that, my son, has fallen to you.” The camera shows a closeup of Aegisthus, looking determined, and the shot slowly changes to show Aegisthus as a man (Fassbender) with a similar expression.

Twelve years have passed since the exile, and Aegisthus is on horseback not far from the gates of Mycenae. As he rides towards the gates, we see a scene of him and Thyestes, Thyestes looking 12 years older and wearier. Thyestes tells Aegisthus that for the past five years he has made a great name for himself under the persona of Aranxtes and that the time has come for him to go to Mycenae and pledge service to Atreus, who will happily accept him. As Aranxtes Aegisthus must work his way into the heart of Atreus’ service and gain the alliance of powerful men. Only then can the time for revenge come. (Though Aegisthus will be posing as Aranxtes, I will continue to just refer to him as Aegisthus to avoid confusion).

We see a scene with a matured Agamemnon (Coster-Waldau), age 27, and Menelaus (Stevens), age 23, talking about how things the past twelve years have developed. Atreus is in firm control and feared by other city-states, but years and war wounds have taken their toll and he is slow of movement. Agamemnon has slowly been given more to do and is confident he will be a great leader. Menelaus is a dutiful brother and while not as clever or charismatic is reliable. They are summoned to go to the great hall where Atreus is receiving guests.

At the great hall Aegisthus presents himself to Atreus as Aranxtes, a warrior who has won great fame as a mercenary the past five years. Atreus says he has heard of Aranxtes’ exploits asks why he should trust a mercenary to aid him in his wars and Aegisthus says that Atreus is known to be the richest lord in the region, so there’ll be no problem with someone else buying Aegisthus off. Atreus laughs and says that is true and tells Aegisthus he will accept him into his service. Agamemnon and Menelaus arrive and are introduced to Aegisthus. Atreus tells the two that Aegisthus will assist them in commanding the Mycenaean army against its enemies. Both brothers are a little disappointed by the news but obediently accept the command.

We then see a handful of scenes showing Aegisthus integrating himself into Mycenaean politics and society. It goes very well, with him being able to charm many politicians and leaders and becoming quite the admired man. Agamemnon and Menelaus are jealous of how quickly this happens, though they keep their thoughts between themselves. Aegisthus also develops a good relationship with Atreus, who we learn isn’t completely satisfied with how his sons have turned out. In a scene with Aegisthus, he says that Agamemnon is very strong and capable, but he fears that he has inherited the worst parts of him as well as the best. Menelaus he thinks simply is too dependent on his older brother to ever make something of himself on his own. Atreus confides that Aegisthus has some of the qualities he wishes his sons had, so he will rely some on Aegisthus to get things done. Aegisthus smiles, as he will now have even better access to the power in the city.

The film then jumps forward three years, to where Agamemnon is 30, Aegisthus 28, and Menelaus 26 (Atreus would be 58, Thyestes 56). War is brewing between Mycenae and Corinth, another Greek city-state in the Peloponnesus. Atreus isn’t well enough to lead the army himself, so he gives the task to his sons and Aegisthus. We see a scene where Aegisthus sneaks out of the city to a nearby village where Thyestes is living in secret. Aegisthus and Thyestes go over the plan they have developed the past three years: Aegisthus has cultivated the support of several key leaders who will help stage an uprising when the word is given. Since most of the Mycenaean forces will be in the field, there won’t be much opposition to the surprise uprising. To prevent Agamemnon and Menelaus from taking back the city, Aegisthus will use an agent to give information to the Corinthians about the army that will allow them to defeat it in battle, greatly damaging Mycenae’s power in the short term but allowing the takeover to happen. When the defeat happens Aegisthus will race back to Mycenae, cue the uprising, and kill Atreus, at which point Thyestes will make his triumphant return. It is a bold plan that requires expert timing and secrecy.

Before the Mycenaean army leaves, we see a scene between Atreus and Agamemnon. Atreus tells Agamemnon that he has distinguished himself much, but Atreus can’t shake the feeling that he has been a poor father. Agamemnon assures Atreus that he has been a good father and that everything good he has learned has come from Atreus. This news soothes Atreus and he wishes Agamemnon well in the war.

We then see the Mycenaean army leave a couple short scenes of their travel to war. In the camp, there is a scene between Agamemnon, Menelaus, and Aegisthus as they plan the imminent battle against Corinth, with Menelaus showing he is a little too impulsive and bull-headed. When the planning is done Menelaus leaves but Agamemnon asks Aegisthus to stay for a moment. Agamemnon confronts Aegisthus for becoming so close and ingrained in how the city is run and warns Aegisthus that he shouldn’t think that he is indispensable. Aegisthus says he understands and leaves as Agamemnon watches suspiciously. Aegisthus then meets with an agent of his and gives him the details of the Mycenaean battle plan to give to the Corinthians. Aegisthus then tells the agent that after the battle is over Aegisthus will return to Mycenae, and that when word comes back to the surviving forces of the uprising the agent will activate the hidden assassins to kill Agamemnon and Menelaus.

We then see the battle between Mycenae and Corinth, with thousands of men on either side clashing with swords, shields, spears, etc. Agamemnon and Menelaus are in the thick of the fighting, killing opponents with ferocity, while Aegisthus hangs back since he must be ready to leave quickly. That moment comes with a regiment of Corinthian cavalry flanks the Mycenaeans and attacks, causing heavy casualties and eventually a rout. As Agamemnon and Menelaus struggle to organize an orderly retreat, Aegisthus races on his horse towards Mycenae, knowing that time is short. That night, the remnants of the Mycenaean army have reorganized and Menelaus brings word of Aegisthus’ disappearance. Agamemnon at first thinks that Aegisthus as a mercenary has simply fled like a rat fleeing a sinking ship, but then a darker thought comes to mind. He tells Menelaus to send a rider to Mycenae immediately to warn their father and he wants the army to form up to march back to Mycenae as well.

Aegisthus arrives in Mycenae and heads to the palace. There he meets with an agent and tells the agent to send the word to the leaders that “it is time.” Aegisthus then goes to find Atreus and is told that he is in his bedchamber, weary from the day. Aegisthus goes to the bedchamber and finds Atreus near sleep. Atreus wakes up, notices Aegisthus, and asks if he brings news of victory. Aegisthus says that he brings news of defeat, Corinth has triumphed. Atreus asks if his sons are dead and Aegisthus says they live, but won’t for long. Atreus senses part of the truth and says Aegisthus has betrayed them. Aegisthus nods but says “one betrayal deserves another, I am only paying you back for your own sins.” Atreus is confused at first but then recognition hits. “Aegisthus” he says, “I should have recognized the man you grew into, but I fooled myself into thinking my brother had truly fled to the corners of the Earth. Is this his plan you are executing?” “No” Aegisthus replies, pulling out his sword, “mine, for my sister.” He stabs Atreus several times hacking away as blood spurts over him.

Aegisthus steps outside of the palace to hear the sounds of war within the city walls. An agent comes to tell him that the city is almost theirs and Aegisthus smiles and tells him to send word to their men in the army, as two loose ends remain.

The scene changes to the Mycenaean army on the move back to their homes, Agamemnon and Menelaus looking worried. That night as they camp, Menelaus is in Agamemnon’s tent when a rider comes with news. Agamemnon reads the letter with no expression and wordlessly hands it to Menelaus, who is overcome with emotion. “He’s betrayed us!” Menelaus exclaims. Agamemnon says that the game is not over yet and if they move quickly there is still time. The two go to their horses to rouse the army back to march but find themselves surrounded by several soldiers, assassins ordered to kill them. A swordfight breaks out and though Menelaus is wounded a bit badly, all but one of the assassins are killed. The remaining assassin is pinned by Agamemnon as he shouts if Aranxtes sent him for murder. The assassin smiles and says “not Aranxtes, Aegisthus, the new leader of your city.” Agamemnon, shocked, kills the survivor. He then tends to his brother and tells him the news that Aranxtes is actually Aegisthus and is likely putting Thyestes onto the throne. Menelaus says they must continue with their plan to retake the city but Agamemnon says that Thyestes was greatly loved and many in the army won’t fight against him willingly. Their only hope is to find an ally. That morning at dawn, Agamemnon assembles the army and gives a short speech announcing what has happened. He tells the army that he means to go south and find allies to help retake the city, and asks the army to join him, but he will understand if they choose to return to their homes and farms rather than go to war against Mycenae itself. Over half the army chooses to leave, leaving Agamemnon and Menelaus with a small force that would definitely need assistance. “This isn’t over brother” Agamemnon assures Menelaus as the remnants begin to march south.

We see a triumphant parade scene in Mycenae as Thyestes returns to the city, cheered on by the crowds and masses. He is escorted by the populace to the great central square where Aegisthus and many leaders are waiting. Aegisthus himself places the crown on Thyestes’ head and announces to the city that from this point onwards they shall have peace. The crowd cheers and the camera focuses on Aegisthus, looking triumphant and proud, and Thyestes, looking overjoyed and pleased, yet also weary. The scene shifts to the palace, with Aegisthus informing his father of the preparations made for the city, including rebuilding its army, since it Agamemnon and Menelaus survived they will no doubt try to retake the city. Thyestes asks to see his brother and Aegisthus takes him to a crypt where Atreus’ body lies. Thyestes asks for privacy and once he gets it talks to Atreus’ corpse about how every day he slept with the vision of his daughter’s severed head burned into his mind, and that every day he prayed for the gods to turn back time and condemn him instead of his daughter. But since the gods would not, Thyestes says he did what he had to, to get revenge for all the lives Atreus destroyed. Thyestes adds that his only regret is that he did not have the will or courage to kill Atreus himself.

The scene changes to Agamemnon and Menelaus on the road with the remnants of their army. The two discuss what their next move should be and where they should go for support. Menelaus suggests Argos since they have continuously longed for revenge against Mycenae but Agamemnon says that they’ll never be welcomed back if they returned at the head of an Argive army. He instead suggests Sparta, which is a regional power and has never had poor relations with Mycenae. Menelaus agrees with the plan and the army heads further south.

They arrive outside of Sparta, leaving their soldiers a fair distance away so to avoid trouble. After announcing who they are, the brothers are taken before Tyndareus, the king of Sparta (at this point in mythology Sparta is nothing like what you see in 300, but is rather just a powerful city-state). Tyndareus (Molina) is intrigued by the two brothers, who are essentially homeless with a small army and tells them that if they and their soldiers serve him for a time, he will aid them in regaining their home. With no other opportunities that they can see, the brothers accept. Tyndareus is pleased and has the brothers dine with him. At the dinner, the brothers are introduced to Tyndareus’ daughters, Clytemnestra (Dormer), and Helen. Clytemnestra shows that she has a razor-sharp mind and wit to match anyone at the table and Agamemnon is intrigued by her. After the dinner the brothers talk and say that they will prove to Tyndareus that they are worthy of his aid.

A handful of scenes show Agamemnon and Menelaus becoming a part of Spartan society as they aid Tyndareus in his endeavors, including using their own soldiers to assist the Spartan army in defeating enemies. The scenes also show Agamemnon and Clytemnestra becoming attracted to one another and becoming close, going on long walks and talks about all sorts of topics, culminating in them kissing in seclusion. Clytemnestra, a very intelligent woman, gives Agamemnon advice on how to please her father and listens to him talk about the vengeance he wants to unleash on Aegisthus.

Eventually a scene happens with Tyndareus calling Agamemnon and Menelaus before him. Tyndareus says that a year has passed and Agamemnon (31) and Menelaus (27) have proven themselves to be able members of Sparta, but he is still unsure of whether it would be worth it to go to war against Mycenae. Menelaus is a bit angered and says Tyndareus promised to aid them but Agamemnon holds him back from speaking further. Agamemnon tells Tyndareus that the two brothers and their men have done what Tyndareus has asked, so if Tyndareus will not give them what they sought then he should give them what they have earned and let them leave in peace. Tyndareus is intrigued by the response and says that he will think on what Agamemnon has said. The two brothers leave and Menelaus is furious, but Agamemnon counsels patience, saying that he will ensure Tyndareus gives them what they want.

Agamemnon then goes to Clytemnestra and tells her about her father’s actions. Clytemnestra is amused and asks with a fake innocence what Agamemnon expects her to do about it and Agamemnon asks her to convince her father to aid him and his brother. Clytemnestra coyly asks what she will get out of it, and when Agamemnon asks her what she wants she replies “all I desire” and pulls him towards her, leading into a sex scene between the two. Afterwards, she tells him that when she first saw him she recognized a mark of the gods on him, that he was destined for greatness. Clytemnestra says that she is tired of being just the daughter of a king and has long wanted to make her own mark in the world but she needs a man she feels is up to the task and she has found one in Agamemnon. Agamemnon asks her how she will convince her father and she tells him to leave it to her.

The scene changes back to Mycenae, with Aegisthus (29) handling much of the administration for the city, saying that his father is tired. After the bureaucratic details are done with he goes to find his father in a garden, Thyestes looking weary. Aegisthus asks his father what is wrong since he has gotten weaker and less interested in ruling as the year has passed. Thyestes says that he had been burdened for a long time by wanting revenge against Atreus for his sins but he made the mistake of letting it consume him. Now that Atreus has fallen, Thyestes finds little joy or pleasure in life and wonders what his place is. Aegisthus assures him that his place is to rule as the people love him. Thyestes considers this, but tells his son to not make the same mistake as him in letting revenge becoming the sole purpose in his life as it could lead to ruin, both in body and in spirit. Aegisthus says he won’t let that happen.

The scene reverts back to Sparta, with Agamemnon and Menelaus called before Tyndareus, whose daughters are present as well. Tyndareus tells them that he has thought long and hard about their proposal and says that if he is to commit his armies to retaking Mycenae, he needs assurances that Mycenae and Sparta will be joined in friendship and alliance for years to come. Agamemnon and Menelaus swear it will be so but Tyndareus says he requires something more than that and calls Clytemnestra forward. Tyndareus says that a bond of blood will be forged between the cities and tells Agamemnon that if he is to obtain Sparta’s army, he must first obtain Sparta’s eldest daughter, he must marry Clytemnestra to seal the alliance. Agamemnon smiles, knowing that Clytemnestra must have prodded Tyndareus to the idea as a clever stroke on the king’s part when in fact it was what Agamemnon and her wanted all along. He accepts the proposal and Tyndareus proclaims that the wedding shall happen once Mycenae is back in the hands of its rightful rulers and says he will assemble his armies to leave in a fortnight.

A couple scenes show the preparations for war and then the combined forces of the brothers and of Sparta are ready to depart. Agamemnon and Clytemnestra share a tender moment as he prepares to leave and she warns him not to disappoint her by failing to conquer, since then he may not be the man she thought he was. Later, as the armies set out, the brothers talk while riding on horseback. Menelaus says jokingly that it must be a burden for Agamemnon to marry someone just to get a city back. Agamemnon replies “Father once told me to do what is necessary for victory, even if it means taking a beautiful, ravishing young woman into my bed.” The two brothers laugh as the armies march northwards.

The scene returns to Mycenae, which has gotten word of the Spartan advance. Aegisthus makes some preparations to get the Mycenaean army ready but is told that many citizens will stay out of the way if there is a war between the sons of Atreus and Thyestes. The news distresses Aegisthus since that would reduce the Mycenaean manpower and leave them less in numbers than their enemy. Aegisthus goes to talk to his father and finds him in bed. Thyestes has gotten weaker and has trouble getting up to walk around. Aegisthus is further distressed by his father essentially wasting away. He informs his father of the Spartan advance and Thyestes tells him that Aegisthus can end the whole cycle here and now if he defeats the two brothers in battle. If they are defeated, then it is unlikely that they, if they survive, will ever be able to threaten Mycenae again. If they win though, then perhaps the cycle of vengeance will only continue onwards.

A couple short scenes show further preparations in Mycenae and the advance of the Spartan army. Both sides plan their moves for battle and finally the scene shows a battlefield a few miles outside of Mycenae with the two armies formed for battle. Since many Mycenaeans refuse to take sides and Agamemnon and Menelaus have their own force with them, the Spartan army is fairly larger. In a battlefield parley, Agamemnon and Menelaus talk with Aegisthus and Agamemnon says they could settle this whole thing here and now with a fight between him and Aegisthus. Aegisthus laughs and says if they do it Agamemnon’s way, there is a chance Agamemnon may actually win. Agamemnon then tells Aegisthus that if Aegisthus takes his father and leaves the Peloponnesus, never to return, then that will end matters and no one further need die. Aegisthus refuses, saying that he will never yield. The parley breaks up and the battle soon begins, with thousands upon thousands of men clashing in ferocious melee battle. The battle rages on for some time and is mixed in results when Aegisthus and Agamemnon come upon one another in the battle. The two get into a dramatic swordfight that is at first evenly matched but slowly Agamemnon gains the upper hand. As this goes on, Menelaus leads a flank attack that begins to collapse the Mycenaean army. Back to the swordfight, Agamemnon is now winning and driving Aegisthus backwards, who trips over a corpse and falls to the ground. Agamemnon bashes him with a shield to stun him and then goes for the kill but a loyal Mycenaean sees this and gets in the way, giving Aegisthus time to get up and melt into the background so that when Agamemnon kills the intervener, Aegisthus is nowhere to be seen. Aegisthus is battered and soon realizes that the battle is going against him. He grabs an unattended horse and sounds the retreat, racing back to Mycenae on horseback.

The battle turns into an utter rout, with most of the Mycenaean army choosing to surrender rather than retreat. Menelaus congratulates Agamemnon on the victory but Agamemnon is angry, saying that Aegisthus got away when he was moments earlier a second from death. He tells Menelaus to send whatever forces he can to Mycenae immediately to seize it.

Aegisthus rushes back into Mycenae and goes to the palace to collect his father, who has become even weaker and can barely walk with his son’s help. As they make their way out of the palace, alarm bells sound as Spartan forces on horseback reach the city and intimidate the gatekeeper to open the main gate. Aegisthus leads his father through a secret way out of the palace and beyond the city walls as more Spartans arrive at the main gate. They escape unnoticed, travelling a couple miles to a hillside before Thyestes collapses, having no strength left. Aegisthus urges his father to get back up, as it is not time yet. Thyestes says that his time has come and says he is proud of the man Aegisthus has become, but again warns him not to let vengeance consume his life. He orders Aegisthus to promise him this and Aegisthus promises he won’t let it happen. Satisfied, Thyestes lets go of life and dies in his son’s arms as Aegisthus weeps.

Agamemnon and Menelaus stride into the palace in victory. As Agamemnon surveys the building he once lived in, Menelaus says that there is no sign of Aegisthus or Thyestes, so they must have escaped the city. Agamemnon tells his brother that they are broken and have no strength to oppose them. He tells Menelaus that now the future belongs to them.

The scene changes to a grand wedding held in Mycenae, which was taken mostly bloodlessly. The citizens are wary of another leadership change but are cautiously optimistic that Agamemnon will treat them well and are taken in by the beauty and kindness of Clytemnestra, especially when she announces to the citizens that she will be their voice to the king, Agamemnon, for all of their troubles. The wedding concludes with pomp and circumstance and Agamemnon and Menelaus of the house of Atreus stand tall and triumphant.

On the hill where Thyestes died, Aegisthus stands next to a cairn of stones he built over his father’s remains. Looking at Mycenae with cold, grim fury, he speaks to himself: “Father, I know what I promised, I know what I swore to do, but I cannot obey, because they have yet again taken the happiness from our lives. The cycle of vengeance you hoped would cease is not over, it has only begun.” The final shot is of Aegisthus from the back staring at Mycenae in the distance before the screen fades to black.

Edited November 17, 2014 by 4815162342

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Move Lord of the Flies to October 18th.