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Spaghetti's Lustral Cinematic Celebration (100 Best Films From 2010-2014) - Top 10 Time!

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To make this list more interesting, I'm including a feature for every 25 films. This time around...

 

THE MOST INFURIATING FILMS OF THE LUSTRUM

 

Note that these aren't necessarily the worst films of the time peroid, but these are just films that made me really annoyed with their mediocrity or idiocy. There are some legitimately bad films on here, however, and my least favorite film of the time is on here, so without further ado, let's get started. Also, they don't deserve nice blurbs like the other films, so there's that. Also, it's much more profane than my positive list. 

 

In other words, it's the movies that made me go like this:

 

Annoyed.gif

 

ALICE IN WONDERLAND

At first, I was going to let this somewhat uniquely designed CGI-fest go, but upon further thought, it began to piss me off. This used to be the kind of film that Tim Burton would have shook his head at, given how it takes a delightfully loony work of fiction and turns it into the most cliched, uninspired Lord of the Rings ripoff. Epic battles, medieval prophecies? Are you fucking kidding me? You could tell the film was made more by Disney and less by Tim Burton, and I'm at least glad they're not making him return for the sequel. On the other hand, there's a sequel. 

 

DR. SEUSS' THE LORAX

While this isn't the worst of Dr. Seuss' adaptions (But let's get real: Horton Hears A Who is forced and obnoxious, and that's the best of his adaptions), it's the one that irritates me the most. It anviliciously preaches the book's Environmental message while ironically coming off as ridiculously corporatized and hypocritical. The songs are grating (and only one of them actually has the message), the characters are lame, and everything about this is so lazy and cash-grabbing, Dr. Seuss would be rolling in his grave even faster than Pamela Travers upon Saving Mr. Banks. Ugh.

 

ELYSIUM

In District 9, Neill Blomkamp delivered political allegory in a smart and unique, albeit rather unsubtle, manner. Here, he dismisses all of the elements that made it so good. Boasting a generic action plot, bland characters except for the always batshit insane and lovable Copley, and a theme of income inequality and health care as subtle as kamikaze pilots soaring through a fireworks display in Time Square, ugh. Ironically, the ending probably made things worse off, too. Just a mess of a movie all around, but a boring and uncreative one at that.

 

GOD BLESS AMERICA

This one really makes me sad because it could have been an excellent satire on Contemporary America. Instead, we get two characters who are almost as unlikeable as the shallow assholes they're trying to kill and a smug sense of superiority that plauges the movie all around (no doubt filled with plenty of cherry picking and strawmans) that makes it an almost cringe inducing watch. Some of the satire is on point, but it's buried in a sea of "OMG you guys, America Sucks!" We get it. Move on.

 

THE HANGOVER: PART 2

Everything 22 Jump Street did right, this completely botches. It's not funny, smart, or even enjoyable. The only thing it's more of than the original is creepy, offensive, and dry. I'm betting Todd Phillips put more resources into Due Date (Which came out 6 months prior, and only 17 after the first Hangover) and basically decided to just do this all over again. Just a bloody terrible movie.

 

HEREAFTER

The trailer was excellent, but the movie is so full of shit that I almost wonder what exactly happened. It's messily edited and trapped in its own sense of "Oh, look how deep and emotional we're getting!" without actually following up. It's a movie that shows rather than tells, and it becomes one of the most annoying films of the decade so far. With the word used properly, it's honestly just pretentious dreck. The tsunami sequence was excellent, though.

 

THE LAST AIRBENDER

I'm as baffled as I am hateful of this movie. The show, one of the greatest TV shows all together in the century, almost came gift wrapped to be an excellent film. How the hell did M. Night Shamalamadingdong mess it up? The terrible script, lousy actors given nothing to work with, and mediocre visual effects, it's the show done rushed on autopilot. At best, it's so bad it's good. At worst, damn this movie to hell. Also, seriously James Newton Howard? Why is some of your best work paired with such shitty movies?

 

THE NUT JOB

Blank, Archer, I apologize for making us riff this diarrhea sandwich of a movie. It's literally a sum up of every bad cliche with kids movies nowadays, with an unlikable main character, cliched plot line, unbelievable protagonist, and ridiculously forced moments. It also makes me question the whole "Don't be so harsh, it's just for kids" mantra, which is basically a crippling factor for animation and why people don't take it seriously in spite of some really fantastic works within the medium. This movie just sucks.

 

STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS

Hey guys, let's remake The Wrath of Khan but not announce Kahn while making it so totally obvious the whole time. Oh, let's include this female character that I guess should be empowering but is given nothing to do, while making the original characters far less interesting. By the way, when they run into trouble, just use Magic Old Spock access! It works like a charm, every time! Boom, I think we have a masterpiece on our hands. Fuck no. 

 

SUCKER PUNCH

Don't be fooled by the whole Girl Power aspect this movie is taking. The movie plays just like watching someone else play a violent video game with some good visuals and art direction, but with stale action and a idiotic story trying to give the illusion of being deep and mindbending. Most annoyingly, it tries to pass itself off as a feminist action flick while basically keeping women portrayed as scantily clad "Action fuck toys" that ultimately goes into horny fanboy wish fulfillment. Get your shit together by the time Justice League rolls around, Zack Snyder.

Edited by Spaghetti
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74. BERNIE
"Ms. Nugent is in a deep freezer headed for Dallas!"
Most people are singing Richard Linklater's praises on accounted of Before Midnight and Boyhood, (myself included) but his 2012 black comedy also deserves plenty of love. Jack Black shines as Bernie, a friendly, Ned Flanders-esque mortician who marries a local widow, but does something shocking after becoming gradually and quietly infuriated by her. The mockumentary style for the film works surprisingly well, giving a local touch and a strong distinction for the love that the people of Carthage, TX have for Bernie, while also giving surprising light to the controversy of the situation. It avoids Hollywood pitfalls and works in a subtle enough manner that makes us still root for Bernie, yet question why we're doing so. A sharp and underrated character study indeed.
 

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73. NIGHTCRAWLER
"If you want to win the lottery, you have to make the money to buy a ticket."
Living near Detroit, I often see countless shocking stories on the local news, and it somewhat bores me that the focus is on this rather than important global news. Dan Gilroy feels the same way in this slickly made, relentlessly entertaining satire of the contemporary news industry. The heart of the movie lies in Jake Gyllenhaal's Lou Bloom, a shady man seeking to make himself live up to the American Dream and finds a dubious way of doing so. It's a brilliantly dark, and darkly brilliant, tale that encompasses more than just media satire in its body and blood: How much empathy are you willing to throw away to make some big bucks? Bloom turns into a vulture of the night, preying on tragedy for his own gain. It's a brilliant film that proves to be not just thought provoking, but really fun as well.

Edited by Spaghetti
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72. LES MISERABLES

"Oh, life has killed the dream, I dream."

Yes, Russell Crowe isn't a good singer. Yes, the camera angles are often way too close. Yes, the movie is often very hammy. But what can I say, it's Les Miserables. Tom Hooper simply lets the show be the show in this beautifully captured yet quite flawed movie. The passion covers up many of the cracks and stays true to the ultimate heart of the movie and the music that really lets the show do its thing. Like Into The Woods, it's an adaption that rides along just how good its source material is, and with the epic and bombastic feel of the whole thing, it feels fresh and magical with each viewing. The cast (even Crowe) ultimately brings the dramatic depth necessary for their roles, and it all works out in creating something truly special. Plus, let Anne Hathaway have her cake for this movie. She really was all that and a bag of chips.

 

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71. SPRING BREAKERS

"Spring break, forever"

Imagine MTV through an art house filter and you've got this wild ride of a movie. Harmony Korine's fly on the wall direction allows us to stand by these girls as they willingly enter a world of violence, darkness, and a void of morality, but it captures everything in a distorted (at times, literally) lens that glamorizes everything that these girls do, even though one can see that these are hardly acts worthy of such valor. It plays out to become a sharp and scathing look at the emptiness of the youth culture of wild parties, swag, and the #YOLO mentality in a way that doesn't ignore what makes it so alluring in the first place. Korine brilliantly plays with the contrast between what we see and what's really going on the confuse us and ultimately find solace outside of this truly fucked-up world. It's seriously one of the most brilliantly directed films of the decade, one that basically only allows for gradual appreciation.

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Now for three at a time!
 

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70. BIG BAD WOLVES
"It might look like I'm enjoying this, and maybe I am in a way... but believe me, I'd be happy to stop breaking your fingers. Now would you please start talking!"
Quentin Tarantino called this his favorite movie of 2013, and he's certainly got the right idea. This twisted revenge fantasy in which an alleged child rapist is taken under control of an angry, vigilante father and two of his friends, and begins to undergo a series of brutal, yet brilliant executed torture trials formulated by the father. It's a twisted tale because while the evidence seems to point towards him, you can't help but feel sorry at the sadism he is caught in, especially as we see his life unravel all around him. It's a twisted and borderline hilarious black dramedy that will leave you unsure until the ending what really went down, but aggression has already taken matters to a point too far by then. It's a movie that knows how to toy with its audience in a really dark and clever way.
 

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69. 21 JUMP STREET
"Fuck you, science!"
Lord and Miller's sequel may have kept the magic up, but where the magic begun created a truly new face (well, two) for Hollywood. It's full of clever, subversive, and well executed gags throughout but it also manifests what I love most about Lord and Miller: They're not afraid to mercilessly poke fun at themselves and the systems that allow, well, demand, such movies to exist, but they're ultimately really good natured storytellers and know what is the most genuine and joyful in the end; It's a movie that basically celebrates the power of friendship (taken to pretty much bromantic levels) and pretty much do whatever they love doing. It's hard not to leave a movie like this without a face wide grin, but I feel like few directors are able to tap into such a happy and jestful state as these guys are. All hail Lord and Miller.

 

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68. SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED
"Well, there's no sense in nonsense. Especially when the heat's on."
If anything is giving me faith for Jurassic World, it's Colin Trevororrow and the name he made for himself upon this inventive and fantastic sci-fi dramedy. When an independent news crew seeks to investigate a mysterious ad involving an eccentric man's attempt to time travel in order to fix his life by rekindling a lost love, but what instead follows is a tale of empathy and warmth. While the general fun of the premise isn't underplayed, it works especially well as a character piece in that these are all pretty messed up people that are trying to find solace in the own ways, eventually realizing that they get a new slice of life in their crazy adventure together. It's sci-fi in a small scale but humanity on a larger one, and it creates one imperfect, yet undeniably lovable and crafty tale.

Edited by Spaghetti
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And Baumer will hate this list in 3....2....1....

 

the-artist.jpg

67. THE ARTIST

"........."

Oscar bait rarely takes a simply fun and lighthearted approach, but I feel like this is where The Artist shines. Yes, it's a movie based on a gimmick, but so are many great movies (like this year's Boyhood) to the point where it doesn't have to hold a movie back. It's an affably cheerful, yet so enjoyably nostalgic and adorable, that it's often pretty easy to fall in love with it if you're willing to be indulged by a silent film. Jean Dujardin and Berenice Bejo give delightful physical performances and ooze with charisma, emotion, and charm without saying a word. As for Uggie, well, that goes without saying. Quite possibly one of the best movie dogs ever. It's an affably lovely little movie, maybe not deserving of a Best Picture win, but surely deserving of recognition for trying something different. 

 

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66. IN THE HOUSE

"To be continued."

One of the more underrated and voyeuristic dramas in recent memory, In The House is a French parable detailing a dedicated high school student who seeks to find inspiration for his stories for class by inserting himself into the lives of a friend's family. Even has he becomes more and more consumed in his quest for vision, something his professor is well aware of, his stories are so captivating to the point where the professor can't decide what to do with him. It's a highly entertaining piece full of games and puzzles played with the audience and you're never sure what turn it will take next or how it will play out. These characters are so interesting, and it becomes intriguing how often we undervalue the lives of others, each one with a unique story and set of predicaments, but how far would this obsession take us? An incredibly clever and smart tale.

 

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65. CONTAGION

"What happened to her? WHAT HAPPENED?!"

Who would have guessed that one of the most engaging apocalyptic movies would be one of grand scale but without any substantial action? Contagion is one of the most brilliant and well crafted thrillers of the last five years, creating a sense of real paranoia and situations that are presented as highly believable, perhaps worryingly so. It explores so many possibilities and cases within the world: Panic within the United Nations, media bloggers seeking to catch big stories - perhaps with big lies, families falling apart, and more. The tension is slow building yet painfully evident as we see the toll the disease takes on the world and its inhabitants. And to think that it all started with a bat carrying over some diseased food. This is why we have hand sanitizer. This is really scary stuff.

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64. YOU'RE NEXT
"Felix, I knew you were into some sketchy shit!"
Unfortunately, I couldn't see The Guest prior to making this list, but if this film were any indication, it probably would have. Adam Wingard and Simon Barrett are two of the most genre savvy directors in film today, and they are able to create mostly serious stories with a wicked sense of style and humor for measure. I mean, let's face it, you need special talent to make people laugh after a brutal death scene, but these guys do it with ease. Sharni Vinson kicks ass as Erin, the protagonist and the only one able to simultaneously deal with a family's petty disputes and the animal mask donning hit men sent in to number them off. There are so many twisted surprises in here that make it a joy to watch, building up to an unforgettable climax that squeezes wit out of the darkest of situations. You will laugh, you will feel bad for laughing, and you'll do it again many times in this crazy, brilliant movie.
 

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63. STOKER
"We don't need to be friends, we're family."
An excellent exercise in style and mood, Park Chan Wook provides some jaw dropping direction in his English language debut. The plot is fairly straightforawd and not truly memorable, but that's not where the beauty of the film shines. The main trio of performances, Goode, Kidman, and Wasikowska all work in gloriously creepy and underplayed fashions that elevate the general unease that lingers throughout the film, and the cinematography creates the feel of a mysterious, gothic fairy tale set in modern day. Deeply unsettling and beautifully made, it's a rare film that's style over substance to the point where the style actually works to enhance the story. The finale will leave you breathless and uncertain, and that's exactly what a film like this should have done. Bravo.
 

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62. MUD
"There are fierce powers at work in the world, boys. Good, evil, poor luck, best luck. As men, we've got to take advantage where we can."
This is the movie that Super 8 should have been. Replace small town West Virginia with the Mississippi riverbanks and tonally inconsistent sci-fi with Matthew McConaughey and you've already got a pretty brilliant plan. Jeff Nichols' direction glides along like a raft on the river, acting just as much as a coming of age story as a thrilling fugitive tale. McConaughey may be the one on the posters, but the heart of the movie is Tye Sheridan, who gives one of the most nuanced and believable child performances in film. It's a crime that he hasn't been offered more projects lately, quite frankly. Having said that, it was one of the films that effectively helped formulate the McConaissance and helped propel Roadside Attractions to even greater heights. It's a highly satisfying tale and gives me excitement to see what Nichols will do in the future.

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To make this list more interesting, I'm including a feature for every 25 films. This time around...

 

THE MOST INFURIATING FILMS OF THE LUSTRUM

 

Note that these aren't necessarily the worst films of the time peroid, but these are just films that made me really annoyed with their mediocrity or idiocy. There are some legitimately bad films on here, however, and my least favorite film of the time is on here, so without further ado, let's get started. Also, they don't deserve nice blurbs like the other films, so there's that. Also, it's much more profane than my positive list. 

 

In other words, it's the movies that made me go like this:

 

Annoyed.gif

 

ALICE IN WONDERLAND

At first, I was going to let this somewhat uniquely designed CGI-fest go, but upon further thought, it began to piss me off. This used to be the kind of film that Tim Burton would have shook his head at, given how it takes a delightfully loony work of fiction and turns it into the most cliched, uninspired Lord of the Rings ripoff. Epic battles, medieval prophecies? Are you fucking kidding me? You could tell the film was made more by Disney and less by Tim Burton, and I'm at least glad they're not making him return for the sequel. On the other hand, there's a sequel. 

 

DR. SEUSS' THE LORAX

While this isn't the worst of Dr. Seuss' adaptions (But let's get real: Horton Hears A Who is forced and obnoxious, and that's the best of his adaptions), it's the one that irritates me the most. It anviliciously preaches the book's Environmental message while ironically coming off as ridiculously corporatized and hypocritical. The songs are grating (and only one of them actually has the message), the characters are lame, and everything about this is so lazy and cash-grabbing, Dr. Seuss would be rolling in his grave even faster than Pamela Travers upon Saving Mr. Banks. Ugh.

 

ELYSIUM

In District 9, Neill Blomkamp delivered political allegory in a smart and unique, albeit rather unsubtle, manner. Here, he dismisses all of the elements that made it so good. Boasting a generic action plot, bland characters except for the always batshit insane and lovable Copley, and a theme of income inequality and health care as subtle as kamikaze pilots soaring through a fireworks display in Time Square, ugh. Ironically, the ending probably made things worse off, too. Just a mess of a movie all around, but a boring and uncreative one at that.

 

GOD BLESS AMERICA

This one really makes me sad because it could have been an excellent satire on Contemporary America. Instead, we get two characters who are almost as unlikeable as the shallow assholes they're trying to kill and a smug sense of superiority that plauges the movie all around (no doubt filled with plenty of cherry picking and strawmans) that makes it an almost cringe inducing watch. Some of the satire is on point, but it's buried in a sea of "OMG you guys, America Sucks!" We get it. Move on.

 

THE HANGOVER: PART 2

Everything 22 Jump Street did right, this completely botches. It's not funny, smart, or even enjoyable. The only thing it's more of than the original is creepy, offensive, and dry. I'm betting Todd Phillips put more resources into Due Date (Which came out 6 months prior, and only 17 after the first Hangover) and basically decided to just do this all over again. Just a bloody terrible movie.

 

HEREAFTER

The trailer was excellent, but the movie is so full of shit that I almost wonder what exactly happened. It's messily edited and trapped in its own sense of "Oh, look how deep and emotional we're getting!" without actually following up. It's a movie that shows rather than tells, and it becomes one of the most annoying films of the decade so far. With the word used properly, it's honestly just pretentious dreck. The tsunami sequence was excellent, though.

 

THE LAST AIRBENDER

I'm as baffled as I am hateful of this movie. The show, one of the greatest TV shows all together in the century, almost came gift wrapped to be an excellent more. How the hell did M. Night Shamalamadingdong mess it up? The terrible script, lousy actors given nothing to work with, and mediocre visual effects, it's the show done rushed on autopilot. At best, it's so bad it's good. At worst, damn this movie to hell. Also, seriously James Newton Howard? Why is some of your best work paired with such shitty movies?

 

THE NUT JOB

Blank, Archer, I apologize for making us riff this diarrhea sandwich of a movie. It's literally a sum up of every bad cliche with kids movies nowadays, with an unlikable main character, cliched plot line, unbelievable protagonist, and ridiculously forced moments. It also makes me question the whole "Don't be so harsh, it's just for kids" mantra, which is basically a crippling factor for animation and why people don't take it seriously in spite of some really fantastic works within the medium. This movie just sucks.

 

STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS

Hey guys, let's remake The Wrath of Khan but not announce Kahn while making it so totally obvious the whole time. Oh, let's include this female character that I guess should be empowering but is given nothing to do, while making the original characters far less interesting. By the way, when they run into trouble, just use Magic Old Spock access! It works like a charm, every time! Boom, I think we have a masterpiece on our hands. Fuck no. 

 

SUCKER PUNCH

Don't be fooled by the whole Girl Power aspect this movie is taking. The movie plays just like watching someone else play a violent video game with some good visuals and art direction, but with stale action and a idiotic story trying to give the illusion of being deep and mindbending. Most annoyingly, it tries to pass itself off as a feminist action flick while basically keeping women portrayed as scantily clad "Action fuck toys" that ultimately goes into horny fanboy wish fulfillment. Get your shit together by the time Justice League rolls around, Zack Snyder.

Oh god. You are going to hate my #32 choice.
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61. TINKER, TAILOR, SOLDIER, SPY
"He's a fanatic. And the fanatic is always concealing a secret doubt."
Who needs James Bond when you've got George Smiley? This is the rare film that uses its complexity as a tool to entice audiences to stay with the plot, full of mysteries and puzzles that gradually get sorted out. It's certainly a little confusing if you slip even a little bit, but the world created by Tomas Alfredeson is so enticing that you really want to keep up with it. It's a supremely British movie, featuring a delightfully British cast and British atmosphere. (Nominating Gary Oldman for Best Actor was one of the few things the Oscars got right for 2011) Atmospheric and beautifully directed, you become immersed into the mystery and try to keep up. It's becomes as thrilling as any action packed film, yet carried by slow burn intrigue and general anxiety. A fairly hidden gem in British cinema.
 

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60. SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD
"Well, honey, I'm a little bi-FURIOUS!"
No one but Edgar Wright could have directed this. Maybe that's an overstatement, but he lends himself so well to the graphic novel's rapid fire humor, crazy action set pieces, and absurd heart that it comes off as second nature to him. The decision to adapt the entire series into one two hour movie isn't flawless, noticeably with it feeling somewhat overlong and lacking in development for Scott and Ramona, but it's guided by such joyously rebellious spirit that it becomes one of the most inventive and enjoyable action comedies of the last few years. I totally understand why people wouldn't like it, it's a fairly conceited style that might be very offputting, but it's carried out with such grace and charm that I've seen nothing like it. It's a miraculously enjoyable film and one of the finest comic book adaptions ever.
 

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59. THE DESCENDANTS
"Oh wait, fuck you, and she's dying"
I think there's an entire genre of George Clooney midlife crisis dramas, but it works well with Alexander Payne's touch and humor that it becomes a really poignant and touching slice of life story. Clooney plays Matt King, a man coping with a land dispute while dealing with his unfaithful wife's life support after a drastic boating accident, and the estranged relationship between him and his daughters. It's at its best when it never tries to be too dramatic and just shows King trying to piece his life and his relationships together again, and he has enough charm that we become interested in his plight and care about him and his family. (Shailene Woodley is really impressive here. Fault in our Stars fans, you have this movie to thank.) It's a really strong film with funny, touching, and heartbreaking moments. A little standard, but it really works for this movie.

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