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Impact

CAYOM-Year 1-Oscars!

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    Welcome to the Academy Awards!

    With your host....................

    James Franco, David Letterman, Whoopi Goldburg and John Stewart

    I kid!!!

    Billy Crystal!

    *The lights go out*

    *We see a cowboy*

    Billy comes up him. Hey Michael Fassbender, I loved you in Hired Guns and everything, but I prefer you as a villian. So show me your moves!

    *Fassbender shoots him* *Tons of laughs*

    *Billy is now sitting next to George Clooney*

    Crystal: Hey weren't you Batman once? *Tons and tons of laughs*

    Clooney says something.

    Billy: Hey thats not nice, wait this is called "And the Band Played On"? Where the heck is the band members! *Laughs*

    *Now in Rapture*

    Crystal: Hmmmm this is creepy, this is some movie I think from the director of Alien 3. *Tons of laughs*

    A girl with a knife shows up*

    Crystal: OH MY GOD!!!! DON'T KILL ME! But you can kill the man over there! *Laughs*

    *Now in the Morrow*

    Crystal: So is this to-morrow? *more laughs* Let me see, whats next a animated film?

    *Shows up in Wings of Icarus*

    Crystal: Damn, I am animated!

    *Continues doing his traditional showing up in Best picture noms and even non best picture noms*

    *Crystal then jumps onto the stage*

    Crystal: Wow! That was rough! *laughs* I thought I never get here! So, have the Oscars started? Or is this hour 20 of last years Oscars? *tons of laughs*

    Crystal: Well as you well know, the Oscars get longer and longer every year, so instead we are going to show non stop clips of people playing chess, golf and other fun activities. *Laughs*

    Now, I like to tell you about the movies nominated this year!

    *Starts to sing the song There always is Tomorrow for the movie The Morrow*

    *Then the theme to Bonanza for Hired Guns*

    *Alexander's Ragtime Band for And the Band Played On*

    *Sound of Music for Rapture-yes exact oppisite film, but thats part of the joke*

    *White Christmas for Wings of Icarus*

    *Tons of laughs during this*

    Crystal: Now I tried to fine common themes among the 5 noms. Well I did. They all were released last year, were in color, were over an hour long, but under 5 hours, all had sound and someone saw them.

    *Tons of laughs*

    Now I like to say, that the chance of winning a Oscar year is good enough for anyone, but the chances of losing are even better! 1 out of every 5 nominees this year will win. *laughs* But 4 out of 5, that is right, 80% of the noms in each category will lose! *tons of laughs and claps*

    Now on to the show!

    Best Art Direction presented by Natalie Portman and Robert Downey Jr!

    Portman: Our first category tonight is best art direction.

    Downey Jr.: Yes which is something about making sets I believe. Or is it about painting? *laughs*

    Portman: Well, I think its actually about the sets and the design.

    Downey Jr.: Sure its not about painting? I mean I painted a barn one day, but they never gave me an Oscar! *tons of laughs in the room*

    Portman: Robert, not that type of....

    Downey: But I can paint well, I can also airbrush my car. *More laughs*

    Portman *Laughing*: Okay well lets get on shall we?

    Downey: Get on? Your too young for me you know...

    Portman: Hey! I'm taken, so don't you dare...

    Downey: Oh for the love of...lets just go with the show!

    Portman: That is what I meant!

    The nominees are:

    Apocalypse

    The Chrysalids

    The Morrow

    Hired Guns

    The Seventh Seal

    And the winner is.................

    Downey: You know, I still want some paint brushes.

    Portman: Oh quit it.

    *laughs*

    The Chrysalids!

    Winner: Oh wow! Thank you, thank you! Where to start? Well first I like to thank my wonderful husband and our 3 kids. As well as our wonderful director. And to everyone at the studio, you rock. *Blows a kiss* We spent hours and hours on this film.

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    Best supporting actress presented by Christoph Waltz!

    Waltz: Next up we have best supporting actress.

    These 5 women all did a great job, but only 1 will win. And it will be a female, not a male. *laughs* Talk about sexist...*Tons of laughs*

    And the nominees are:

    Elle Fanning for The Father Figure

    Naya Rivera for The Chrysalids

    Krysten Ritter for Rapture

    Mary Elizabeth Winstead for The Morrow

    Meryl Streep for And The Band Played On

    And the winner is................

    Mary Elizabeth Winstead for The Morrow!

    Winstead: Wow, is this real? Really? I won??? I don't know what to say...I never thought I be up here in my entire life! *Start to cry* I like to thank our wonderful director. And my family. *Contiues to cry* I...love you all!

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    Going off your band joke Impact, if my memory is correct the title "And the Band Played On" is a reference to how on the Titanic the ship's band played normal tunes as the ship slowly sank and people initially went along with the atmosphere and saw the situation as not a big deal.

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    Supporting actress:Elle Fanning for The Father Figure 22Naya Rivera for The Chrysalids 14Krysten Ritter for Rapture 22Mary Elizabeth Winstead for The Morrow 24Meryl Streep for And The Band Played On 22

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    Going off your band joke Impact, if my memory is correct the title "And the Band Played On" is a reference to how on the Titanic the ship's band played normal tunes as the ship slowly sank and people initially went along with the atmosphere and saw the situation as not a big deal.

    Yeah I know, but I kind of wanted to play a joke on the title. ;)
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    Ry's Big Prediction #1:

    Best Supporting Actress - Meryl Streep (nobody else has a chance, not even Krysten Ritter. People might get cute and vote for Elle Fanning, but like in 2 Stupid Dogs, "isn't that cute.... BUT IT'S WRONG!")

    Jinxed :angry:
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    Best Costumes, presented by Emma Stone and Hugh Jackman!

    Stone: Hello, I am Emma Stone.

    Jackman: And I'm Wolverine. *tons of laughs*

    Stone: Hugh, your at the Oscars and your not playing Wolverine right now.

    Jackman: Oh yeah that is right, sorry I'm so use to playing that character. *Tons of laughs*

    Stone: Good. Now this is best costumes.

    Jackman: Yes it is, which I believe every nominee this year has. *laughs*

    Stone: Well Wings of Icarus does not.

    Jackman: But thats a family film, they don't wear clothes? *tons of laughs*

    Stone: Ummmm not that way...*more laughs* Its animated.

    Jackman: Yep it is.

    Stone: Sadly no film with me was nominated. I thought all my films deserved it.

    Jackman: Don't feel bad.

    Stone: Thanks Hugh, now lets go on with the nominees!

    Jackman: Yes!

    And the nominees are:

    Fairylight

    Hired Guns

    The Morrow

    The Seventh Seal

    Spellforce: The Order Of Dawn

    And the winner is......................

    The Seventh Seal!

    Winner: Thank you very much! I like to thank everyone that helped us make this possible. This film was loads of fun to work on! So good night and God bless!

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    *First song of the night, Nostalgia is played*

    *Crystal returns*

    Crystal: Well I'm back. Actually I didn't go anywhere. I just had to make sure that someone paid me back the lunch money I took when I was 10. *tons of laughs* Sorry Arnold, I know I was so mean to you as a kid...*tons of laughs as he is refering to Ah-Nuld and we see Arnold in the audience laughing hard*

    Okay, well tonight is going to be a long night. But I calculated this.....

    Tonight it will be dark outside! *tons of laughs* That is right, no sunshine coming out tonight! *More laughs* So anyone at home watching this, remember, it is dark out! *more laughs*

    Best visual effects presented by Will Smith and Jackie Chan!

    Smith: Good evening ladies and gentleman!

    Chan: Yes good evening.

    Smith: So Jackie, when will you teach the Fresh Prince how to do karate? *Laughs*

    Chan: Soon...but first you need to understand you might not be ready for it...

    Smith: Yes I am! I am the Fresh Prince of Bel Air after all! *more laughs*

    Chan: And I have a level 400 blackbelt! *More laughs*

    Smith: That does not exist!

    Chan: Yes it does!

    Smith: Does not!

    Chan: Uh hu!

    Smith: Oh yes, best visual effects. Tonight we have some great ones.

    Chan: Yes, because you didn't star in them....*More laughs*

    Smith: Oh quiet you...or else I will flaten you like a pancake! *More laughs*

    The nominees are:

    Apocalypse

    Bartimaeus and the Amulet of Samarkand

    Fairylight

    The Morrow

    Vesta

    And the winner is...............

    Apocalypse!

    Winner: Thanks a ton! I like to thank Spielberg for making this and to all of you who helped us! You rock!

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    Best supporting actor presented by Viola Davis!

    Davis: Tonight we have 5 wonderful supporting actors with us. I love all of you, and one of you will win! If not, then we will have no winner. *laughs*

    And the nominees are:

    Josh Brolin for Hired Guns

    George Clooney for And The Band Played On

    Daniel Craig for Trail of Tears

    Ed Harris for The Seventh Seal

    James McAvoy for The Morrow

    and the winner is..............

    Daniel Craig for Trail of Tears!

    Craig: Why thank you. I guess not playing Bond for once does pay off. *laughs* First I like to thank my wonderful and beautiful wife Rachel, I love you tons. Now I also like to thank the director. And to the rest of the cast of Trail of Tears. And to my 4 fellow nominees, you guys were great as well.

    Thanks.

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    Vote count:Josh Brolin for Hired Guns 22George Clooney for And The Band Played On 21Daniel Craig for Trail of Tears 25Ed Harris for The Seventh Seal 18James McAvoy for The Morrow 19

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