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Alpha's Reviews: Year 10 (Reviews Coming Soon)

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January is done.


The Cube - C

This film reminded me of Films' Happy Bird documentary. It presented the history of the Rubik's Cube well enough, but didn't go into enough detail about its cultural significance. Also, Jesse Eisenberg wasn't the best choice for a narrator, because his high-pitched nasal voice diverts your attention away from the subject.


Heads or Tails – B-

I’ve always been a fan of heist films, and this one was pretty run-of-the-mill. A decent filler.


The Call of the Revenant – C-

As ridiculous as you’d expect. Though I was hoping the “unknown creature” would be revealed as Mecha-Hitler. Alas, I was disappointed.


The Good, the Bad and the Mechanical – A-

Like The Good, the Bad and the Dead, it’s a load of fun, and a homage to the old-school spaghetti Western, which I love. Bruce Campbell is great as usual, and the addition of Arnold Schwarzenegger is cool as well. Not much more I can say but Rukaio, you’ve done it again.


Two Lonely Zookeepers – C-

I'll let these little bits speak for themselves:


“She asks him what he wants to do later that evening only to realize that he is sleeping. She scoffs and sits there for a few moments before she gets up takes her things and leaves. She turns around to scream ‘fuck you’ at the still sleeping (Ryan) Thomas. A couple hours later we see Ryan wake up, take a look around and mutter ‘shit’”


“We see Ryan standing in front of the polar Bear pen on a rainy day looking intently through the glass. A little kid comes up and pokes Ryan. When Ryan turns around to look at him the kid asks “How much do you know about Pola Bears?" Ryan looks back towards the bears and says “Not as much as I should, I'll never know as much as I should." The kid looks through the glass silently”


Timmy’s Winter Vacation – C+

It was like a weird trip back to 2007 when bad live-action comedies for kids were still popular.


1989 – C

Is this, like, the third Taylor Swift concert movie in CAYOM? Fourth? I don’t know, maybe she’s a good property to capitalize on.


Ophidiophobia – C+

I’m very happy David Henrie was reduced to making bad dick jokes in this movie before being eaten by a python, but this wasn’t all that funny. That saving the kitten scene was pretty funny, though.

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I'd be lying if I said I was really happy with how TLZ turned out ( Why did I put so much emphasis on Ansel drinking milk again?) But I don't see anything particularly wrong with either of the passages you chose. And there is definitely far worse in the film

Edited by Ethan Hunt
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