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Cookie's Corner Y10

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Time to throw my non-existent hat into the ring.

JANUARY:

Heads or Tails

A fun idea wasted by not fleshing it out more. Seeing Jason Statham and Sam Rockwell go at it could have made for a very entertaining movie, but as it is, it's unremarkable.

C

 

The Cube

Probably shouldn't have gone with Jessie Eisenberg narrating, but for what it is, it's not bad.

B-

 

The Call of the Revenant

Another cool idea wasted by not giving it more meat. This one is worse than Heads or Tails because you have a great cast and an interesting period setting and you do virtually nothing with them.

C-

 

The Good, the Bad and the Mechanical

An improvement from the last film, as it takes a bit more of a tounge-in-cheek approach which is what the first film sorely lacked. Seeing Bruce Campbell go head-to-head with Arnold Schwarzenegger was pretty entertaining as well. Two things annoy me though, the first is that if this takes place in the wild west, how was Dr. Katph able to record videos of himself explaining the history of the automatons when the first film camera wasn't patented until the 1880s, and electronic sound recording and video cameras for private use didn't become a thing until the 1920s? One could argue Katph invented a camera decades ahead of its time given that he invented robots that could talk, run and attack people, but if that were to be the case the movie never establishes that. The other is that the Gunslinger's involvement amounted to very little outside of making quips at Flint. But regardless of the minor quibbles I have with it it's still a very fun ride.

B/B+

 

Two Lonely Zookeepers

In the opening scene Ryan's girlfriend dumps him because he fell asleep on the beach (lolwut), and Ryan was apparently able to hear her dump him despite being alseep because he curses when he wakes up hours later. After that bit of pointlessness the rest of the film is just a dreary bit of nothing with subplots that go nowhere (Ryan taking a co-worker on a date which is never brought up again, Jack meeting his estranged daughter which amounts to very little) and the ultimate conclusion of the movie seems to be "Life sucks. The End. Buy M&Ms". What a complete waste of time.

D

 

1989

I've never cared about Taylor Swift so I literally don't know what to say about this. Maybe a Kanye West intervention would have sufficed?

C

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February:

Pheonix Wright: Ace Attorney Part 2

The much-anticipated conclusion to this courtroom saga does not disappoint. Much like the games that inspired it, the surprising turns keep piling on but are just daring enough to keep you engaged all the way through. The cast does a great job, and despite some "wha?" moments, the story is close to airtight. This reviewer can (and will) make a good case for this being the best film of this semester.

A-

 

Moses

As far as adaptations of the Book of Exodus go, it's pretty mediocre. Peter Jackson helps give the movie a grand scale but without the finesse of The Ten Commandments or the emotional impact of The Prince of Egypt it falls flat in comparison. All I know of the Exodus story is from those two films so I don't know if this one is more faithful to the source material, but one weird element is that the movie is strangely afraid of the word "hebrew" and instead refers to them as jews, which while technically accurate is a bit confusing (not to mention the word "jew" wasn't coined until long after the story of Moses is believed to have taken place). And apparently after the Pharaoh freed the slaves they walked around Egypt for so long Joseph Gordon-Levitt turned into Ben Kingsley by the time they got to the Red Sea. Still better than Ridley Scott's version though.

C+

 

That Was a Long Time Ago

The movie gets automatic bonus points for Emily Blunt, but the rest is just kind of awkward and uncomfortable. Zac Efron beats up Adam DeVine in an alleyway (boy I never thought I would say that) and they rekindle one "I love you man" speech later, and the subplot ultimately amounts to nothing while the main plot really just stops for most of the movie until Blunt's character appears again. It's not terrible, but I don't know if it's the ideal Valentine's Day choice given the scene I just described.

C+ (But only because of Emily Blunt)

 

The Disappointment

To start off, Russel Brand is the son of Harrison Ford and brother of Matt Damon, and Brand works at McDonalds even though his brother is a football superstar. Already I don't buy it. Then Brand somehow manages to hijack the Air Force One just so he can fly to the Super Bowl and recite a poem. None of it is funny, but it's somewhat intriguing based on just how strange the whole affair is.

D+

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March:

Black Friday

An interesting idea that could have been more effective if it was scarier and to be frank more plausible. Instead the experience is more strange than scary, but in this case that's not necessarily a bad thing as the mockumentary format helps keep things somewhat intruiging.

B-

 

Jurassic Knights

Kinda like Heads or Tails back in January, another cool idea the movie just doesn't do a lot with. The dino action is decent enough but the political stuff is just boring and the characters are basically carbon cut-outs. Only worth seeing with a remote to fast-forward through the non-dino parts.

C+

 

Rhino Riders

Yet another fun idea that nothing is done with, this time with a completely cliche and boring plot that feels way too long even with a 100-minute runtime.

D

 

On a Mountain

Pulls through on the strength of its entertaining if pretty silly action scenes, but other than that it's pretty standard.

B-

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I'll update March later this weekend as due to E.S.P's length I need more time to read and review it properly (plus I have somewhat limited internet right now) but for now some April reviews (same goes with Crusader and Ciaphas Cain).

 

Russian Roulette

Stupid as all hell (apparently the way to contain an anthrax outbreak is to blow up a village) and the random turn into an Alex Rider prequel halfway through serves no purpose, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't entertained by it. Kenneth Branagh makes a fun turn as a russian evildoer, and the action sequences are well shot and choreographed. One of the semester's better action films, just remember to leave your brain at the door.

B

 

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Expedecade

Personally didn't find this as funny as last year's riff (Thomas the Tank Engine), but it's still a highly entertaining takedown of perhaps the lousiest Bond movie in a long time.

A-

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Yeah, not surprised you prefer the Thomas the Tank Engine riff more. I maintain that one's the best thing I've ever done in this game and I'm not sure I'll ever relive up to it. Still, glad to see I've managed to recapture at least some of the magic (and that even a lesser MST3K still scores an A-).

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Yeah, not surprised you prefer the Thomas the Tank Engine riff more. I maintain that one's the best thing I've ever done in this game and I'm not sure I'll ever relive up to it. Still, glad to see I've managed to recapture at least some of the magic (and that even a lesser MST3K still scores an A-).

I think if you riff more "so bad it's good" movies, then I believe you could have a chance at recapturing the Thomas the Tank Engine riff really well.
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