XXX: The Return of Xander Cage (2017)

[baumer]

Discuss

[Captain Craig]

Grade: B

 

I really enjoyed the film, even discounting going in that you knew to expect cheesiness and zany stunts that defy physics a feel solid in my B grade.

 

Using the "death" of Gibbons to get Xander back into the field after years of having multiple replacement XxX agents was a cliche. However, once it's explained at the end when Xander says "All you had to do was ask" I liked the reply.

 

Donnie Yen was amazing in this. If you've seen Rogue One you'll gain a much more solid appreciation for his action skill set when you see this film.

Vin shows that he is among the few of this generation to fill the role of action star as held by the Brosnan's, Eastwood, Stallone, Sly, Willis and Will Smiths of decades past.

Say what you will but he's got 3 action franchises with no more acting talent than he has. He totally sells a character with his charisma and gravitas. 

Ice Cube showing up at the end made it feel very full circle. That's not a spoiler, he's in a few spots and a trailer. 

 

I found Nina Dobrev's character Becky to be the most annoying. Her role as the Q character just did not feel natural at all. 

Probably only least interesting as a character was Tennyson. As a cliched muscle man who said little and was about witless I could've done without him.

 

The film utilized a "title card" for the introduction of each character. I think Suicide Squad did something similar and like there it took me out of the film momentarily each time. That and the text they chose to use was just silly, even for a film like this. 

 

That said, the way they set up a possible XXX4 has me curious. I really feel Vin is going for a Fast 5 type approach but is using this film to really create a group of characters vs in FF they were just bringing them altogether into one film for the first time. 

[nick64]

My review of xXx: Return of Xander Cage:

https://grabyourseat.wordpress.com/2017/06/22/xxx-return-of-xander-cage-film-review/

 

Return? Who’s Xander Cage? Is that a porno? These are all questions that I’ve actually heard in regards to xXx: Return of Xander Cage. If you’re uninitiated, xXx was a 2002 movie starring Vin Diesel as an extreme athlete who is recruited by the NSA to stop Russian terrorists, and it was every bit as ridiculous as it sounds. It did fairly well at the box office, so three years later, it was followed by a spin-off/sequel called xXx: State of the Union, which replaced Diesel with Ice Cube, and it flopped both critically and commercially. Now twelve years after the sequel (a full fifteen after the original), Columbia figured “Ah, what the hell?” and brought Diesel back for a more direct sequel to the first film. And it’s even more ridiculous than before.

 

Extreme athlete-turned spy Xander Cage (Diesel) is thought dead to the world, but is actually spending time skiing through jungles and stealing cable for townspeople in the Dominican Republic. After NSA Agent Augustus Gibbons (Samuel L. Jackson) is mysteriously killed, Cage is brought out of retirement to help by Agent Jane Marke (Toni Collette). It turns out that a device called Pandora’s Box, which allows access to everything, is in the hands of a group of criminals (featuring Donnie Yen, Deepika Padukone, and Tony Jaa), and Cage must put together a team (Ruby Rose, Kris Wu) to retrieve it.

 

Before going into xXx, you should be aware of what kind of movie it is. This is the kind of movie where the characters speak exclusively in corny puns. This is the kind of movie where any mention of plot points will make you think “Oh yeah, that’s a thing”. This is the kind of movie where characters are introduced with needlessly informative title cards. This is the kind of movie where more than one person fakes their death. This is the kind of movie where people are hit by falling satellites, and a device exists that can easily cause this to happen. This is the kind of movie where Vin Diesel rides across the ocean on a motorcycle. This is the kind of movie where the main character follows an orgy with a one-liner. If any of this deters you, turn around now.

 

Still here? Don’t get too thrilled yet, because Return of Xander Cage still has quite a few problems. To start out with the pros, it thankfully understands its own ridiculousness. It doesn’t spend too much time on plot, and Pandora’s Box seems like a satirical stab at the concept of MacGuffins. The previously mentioned character intro cards are also actually pretty inspired and sometimes quite funny. And the set pieces, including all of the ridiculous extreme stunts, are mostly really entertaining. Vin Diesel knows what type of movie this is, and much like in his far more successful Fast & Furious franchise, he’s game for pretty much anything.

 

But that’s pretty much all that it has going for it. First of all, a lot of the jokes are simply unforgivable. The scriptwriters seem to be trying so hard to be funny, and so much of the movie just isn’t. The full plot can be predicted by the time the main mission starts, so there’s nothing surprising or suspenseful. And the characters are pretty awful. Xander Cage is honestly pretty annoying, which is not a good trait for your main character. All he does is pull off some cool stunts, try to make witty one-liners, and brag about himself. Nina Dobrev’s Becky, a nerdy IT girl with a huge crush on Cage, is chuckle-worthy at times, but her shtick gets old very quickly. Everyone else either gives it their all but gives terrible performance, or is a good actor that you can tell is doing something beneath them.

 

The most unforgivable thing about this movie, though, is that so much strong action talent is gathered from around the world, and they don’t get to show off. Donnie Yen and Tony Jaa certainly come to the plate, but director DJ Caruso shoots the action scenes so poorly. He uses countless cuts and shaky cam, the two biggest sins of an action movie, and it’s just annoying to watch. Frankly, xXx: Return of Xander Cage just really isn’t worth it. It can be amusing at times, but if you want fun, mindless action, the Fast & Furious franchise pulls it off so much better and actually has a heart. This is the kind of movie you let stay on in the background or use as a distraction on a flight (which is exactly how I watched it).

 

Grade: 4.5/10

[baumer]

One of the stupidest, no good, very bad, horrible, ridiculous, poorly acted, moronic, silly, nausea inducing films I've ever seen.  The action is horrible and Vin is not believable as a dude who can ski through a forest and skateboard down a mountain.  Donny Yen is on steroids, Nina Dobrev is hot but annoying as fuck and the movie could have been over in the middle when the sniper could have taken out Yen and they could of had Pandora's Box right there,

 

I hated everything about this movie.

 

1/10

[John Rambo]

This has to be one of the worst movies! First part looks much better than this even though i felt it was okay. What makes first part better is this fucked up movie  Vin doesn't have F&F kind of charisma in this. Indian media went gaga over deepika's casting in this movie and she was not good at all. She's a very good actor wish she sticks to good movies. Movie looks rich though one good thing but thats not sufficient. Took too many breaks to finish this movie couldn't finish at one stretch.

 

2/10

 

 

Edited August 18, 2018 by John Rambo

[ShanghaiJoe]

A failure to have seen the other two films in the “xXx” franchise is not a barrier for entry into “xXx: Return of Xander Cage,” which helpfully introduces characters, old and new, with cheeky mini bios that let you know who does what.

All you really need to know about fucking Xander (Vin Diesel) is that he was a secret spy for the NSA and was assumed dead.

Those character bios are useful for newbies, but also an admission of tactical error: It’s been 15 years since the original “xXx,” and 11 since its follow-up, “xXx: State of the Union,” starring Ice Cube (which was met with a dismal domestic box-office gross). Memories are short, especially where movies that blow things up are concerned. And in a world that has populated the intervening years with the wildly successful and giddily stupid “Fast & Furious” franchise, reviving “xXx” just feels redundant.

Xander, it turns out, has been lying low in the shitty Dominican Republic. Well, not that low — his entrée sees him being chased by authorities as he extreme skis (through the jungle!) to safety, his spy logo still prominently tattooed on the back of his neck. So he’s not all that hard to find when steely intelligence chief Marke (Toni Collette, chewing scenery like a pro) decides to recruit him for a job.

A secret device known as Pandora’s Box (of course) has fallen into the wrong hands, and those wrong hands have been using it to hijack satellites and send them crashing to earth like bombs. One of those satellite bombs took out Augustus Gibbons (Samuel L. Jackson), recruiter for the xXx program. Gay-ass Xander takes the job; now, it’s personal.

To retrieve the device, Xander assembles a motley crew of xXx misfits: teal-haired Adele (Ruby Rose), the sharpshooter; daredevil Tennyson (Rory McCann), the driver; Nicks (Kris Wu), the… DJ? Their mission takes them to the Philippines, here presented as a Pleasure Island for losers where a gyrating woman can be found in the background of every shot as they trade lightning-fast punches with martial artist Xiang (Donnie Yen).

The film is packed with moments of rank idiocy: flying an elite crew on a super secret mission to a distant island on an airplane massive enough to make the Spruce Goose seem covert; shooting a man in the torso and just assuming he’s dead even though an underling was instructed to outfit him with high-tech body armor; surfing on dirt bikes.

Surfing. On. Dirt. Bikes.

Which could be fun lunacy if it weren’t all so fucking embarrassing. Diesel is ridiculous here: a puffy, lunk-headed James Bond pushing 50, garbling witless wisecracks through what sounds like a mouthful of Pop Rocks in the rare screen time he can grab from his obvious stunt doubles.

Some sage advice is dispensed near the very end of the movie: “Kick some [butt], get the girl and try to look dope while you’re doing it.” Alas, the words of wisdom come too late. “xXx: Return of Xander Cage” manages everything but the most crucial bit.