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Ezen Baklattan

SURV(IV)OR: Episode 9 - The Dunce and Future King

By Ezen Baklattan, in Box Office Survivor

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Ezen Baklattan Global Phenomenon

Ezen Baklattan

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Spaghetti: *Loudly* There are three portals that will lead you to different galaxies, each populated with trillions of beings. Today, you all become heroes. Your goal is to get to the pavilion, which is hidden at the center of each galactic capital. You have massive spaceships and all the supplies you need to stop a cataclysmic threat to each galaxy.

 

That One Guy: Wait, we get to save an entire galaxy? That’s....awesome!!! Guys, we’re gonna be heroes!

DAJK: Wait, how is that even possible? Isn’t it just the slightest bit irresponsible to turn the fate of an entire galaxy to a few people?

WrathOfHan: How did you even get the technology to pull all of this off, anyway?

Spaghetti: Okay, so they’re basically just virtual reality programs. But you get the idea. Save the world. Get the pavilion. Cougars to the red portal. Kitschkjobs to green, and Sadbens to blue. Go.

 

*Everyone puts on virtual reality googles except Arlborn, YourMother, and AABATTERY.*

 

Arlborn: Man, I was looking forward to being a hero today!

AABATTERY: I mean, it’s not like the worlds are real.

YourMother: Meh, still pretty cool. And I get to imagine DAJK being the savior of trillions! He’s so amazing!

AABATTERY: Looks like you have some unchecked feelings, huh?

Arblorn: YourMum and DJ sitting in a tree, K-I-S-

YourMother: What, no!! And you should talk, I see you looking at Eevin!

Arlborn: Uuuhh...

 

DAJK: We’re here on the base planet. It looks like we have to protect everyone from a giant meteor?

Elcaballero: A meteor? How the hell are we supposed to stop it!

DAJK: Just look at us! We’re giants compared to these people! They look down. *This galaxy is populated by tiny, adorable aliens only a few millimeters tall.*

That One Guy: Awww....look at the little cuties! They’re so adorable! Yes they are, yes they are! *He sits down, and the climb up on him.* Awww, that tickles!

DAJK: Uhhh....it looks like there are three main planets, and the asteroids are coming towards all of them. We have a great strategy! We can blast off fairly easily! Just...um...watch your step!

*DAJK and Elcaballero blast off to one of the different planets. Essentially, they are small leaps and bounds for them, and the tiny aliens shuffle to avoid them*

 

CoolEric258: My people! *Their planet is actually home to every sci-fi movie’s alien creatures. E.T., Mac, Abbot and Costello, and more. Creech comes running to CoolEric258* Creech! It’s so good to see you again!

Chasmmi: Focus. There’s an onslaught of meteors coming down to this planet. We need you to take them out.

CoolEric258: Believe me, I can do it with ease! *Creech spreads magic powder on CoolEric, triggering a Sailor-Moon esque transformation into an amazing hero with laser hands.*

Chasmmi: This show just gets weirder and weirder.

 

CONFESSIONAL - CoolEric258: I can’t help it if the Creeches love me. They want me to save their world, and the feeling is mutual! It’s actually kind of funny, my great great uncle was the first person to discover alien life, but he didn’t want to tell anyone, and he just laughed at everyone panicking over everything, especially with regards to Roswell. But I knew, and I’m ready.

 

Eevin: Okay....what’s going on in this world? Who are our aliens?

Goffe: Wow, real imaginative. They’re just little green men. *Indeed, the aliens are the stereotypical little green men.*

LGM: Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Wrath: What the hell.....

LGM: Maoooooooooooo

WrathOfHan: Wait a sec....my friends used to see stuff like this all the time. I have an idea. *He goes up to the leader of the aliens.* Ayyy ayyy ayyy lololololol mao mao mao ayyyyyy lmao lmayyyyyyyyy ayyy lmayyyy lmao.

LGM: Ayyyyyyy!!!! *They all cheer for WrathOfHan, and they guide him to a room with five large consoles.*

Wrath: How did you??

WrathOfHan: My friends used to speak like this in class to avoid getting in trouble for swearing in front of teachers. It was our own little language, and it turns out it’s surprisingly universal.

Wrath: Well I  have to say, I’m impressed.

WrathOfHan: ....Thanks. I really appreciate it. And I just wanted to make up for how snotty I was last week. I just didn’t know what to think of everything.

Wrath: Well you see, I do have to tell you the reason why -

WrathOfHan: We have to get to the stations, now! *A band of space pirates plan to attack the galaxy. The four cougars get into stations to fire.*

 

DAJK: Everyone in formation! The meteors should come any moment now!

Elcaballero: Pfft, I was born ready! We’re gonna save....maybe more than tirllions, if these just richochet and hit other worlds! Quadrillions, maybe!

That One Guy: Yes, let’s win it for these cuties! *He gets up, almost stepping on a city.* Sorry!!!!

DAJK: Shit, here they come! Hurry, team! *The meteors arrive, and the tiny aliens are panicking. The three kitschjobs show no worry.*

Elcaballero: This feels....surprisingly good! *The meteors hit and disintegrate on Elcaballero’s back* It actually feels like a massage! Ohhhhh yeah, that feels good.

DAJK: Really? Feels a bit rough, but I can handle it! *He begins punching the meteors, but feels a bit of pain.* I can handle anything!

 

YourMother: I believe in you, DAJK! Show the world what you can do! You’re everyone’s hero!

 

DAJK: Wait, who said that! I love the sentiment, but I need to focus on not getting hit, especially in *he gets a hit directly to the crotch, wincing in pain* that place.

That One Guy: Oooohhh shit. You okay?

Elcaballero: You better be! I came here to win!

DAJK: I’m fine! I just hope the worst is over. *A huge, huge storm of asteroids comes to each planet. More screaming.* Oh, you gotta be kidding me!

 

*The flying cougars are shooting ships with ease.*

Eevin: Take that!

Wrath: And that!

Goffe: And finally that! This is so fun! We just have to keep going until we dwindle their numbers, their.....numbers. *Goffe freezes up, beginning to cry.*

Wrath: Goffe, what’s going on! We’re killing evil bad guys, don’t you love this?!

Goffe: It’s just...was I too mean to Numbers? I miss him so much.

WrathOfHan: Goffe, win this for him! Numbers would want you to keep fighting! I know at the end of the day, you two still care about each other! You want to help each other and become better people on the way, just like, just like, holy shit.

Goffe: I got this.....Numbers. This is for you. *He begins going all in, shooting the ships like mad.*

Eevin: Yes! You got this! We’ve been the strongest team this season so far! Let’s go out with a bang! I’m so proud of all of you, even Arlborn! He’s gotten so much better lately, maybe to the point where, where....*The ships stop. Cheering explodes.*

LGM: Ayyyyyyayyyyayayayay!!!! Lmao lamo lmao! (You are the heroes of our world! This way to the pavilion!

Wrath: What were you saying?

Eevin: Uhh....nothing. Let’s just get to the pavilion.

 

CoolEric258: *Begins punching meteors like crazy.*

Chasmmi: Seriously, this is utterly ridiculous! You’re being an irrational fool!

CoolEric258: And yet why am I the one winning it for this team?

Chasmmi: We need some actual strategy, you can’t just shoot things willy nilly! We have a giant turret in the middle of this place, let’s use that!

CoolEric258: I am Sailor Creech! Don’t argue with me!

*They continue to bicker as they shoot down asteroids*

 

*DAJK gets pelleted with meteors as Elcaballero doesn’t break a sweat!*

DAJK: I thought this was virtual reality! *With pauses due to the pain of the asteroids*

That One Guy: Must be one of those sensory versions with physical pain included!

Spaghetti: Indeed! *Through a mouthpiece*

That One Guy: We’re almost done, almost! *That One Guy trips and crushes a city. Thousands are dead. The aliens look on in horror and run away.* Noooo!!!!!!

Elcaballero: Oh please, you still saved so many of them!

DAJK: That One Guy, are you okay?

That One Guy: *Through his tears.* What do you think?! I’m a murderer! I don’t deserve to live!

DAJK: Well it looks like the ships are all gone. Let’s just get to the pavilion. *They do so.*

 

*Chasmmi and CoolEric258 glare at each other as they finish. They enter their names into the pavilion.*

 

*The flying cougars make their predictions and Arlborn reopens the portal. The Cougars have returned to the real world.*

Arlborn: That was so amazing! You’re seriously the best team I could have asked for!

Wrath: I knew I made the right choice keeping you around.

Eevin: *to himself* I definitely agree.

Arlborn: I’m sorry I was so annoying earlier in the competition. It’s just that I felt so awkward and unsure in my life before this, and I thought being myself would get me nowhere. I tried to be this person I wasn’t. This crazy, annoying, awful person. And somehow, I just lost myself in it. I wanted to fit in, and now, I feel like I can finally be myself. Thank you for taking this chance on me.

WrathOfHan: Wait, that’s why you were so annoying when I met you?

Eevin: Oh, Arlborn! You don’t have to pretend to be anyone else. Now come on, we all rocked that challenge. We deserve to celebrate.

*The flying cougars celebrate a group hug, they are more united than ever.*

 

*The other teams, not so much. Chasmmi and CoolEric throw their goggles at each other.*

Spaghetti: Watch it! Do you know how much I paid for those!

*That One Guy is sobbing while DAJK goes to comfort him. Elcaballero rolls his eyes.*

YourMother: Yes, you made it! We all did it!

DAJK: Wait, was that you sending those messages to me?

YourMother: You know it! I can’t wait to see what we do with your lead!

DAJK: Wait...you’re following me at every command, trying to support me constantly. YourMother, do you, um?

YourMother: Yes, yes! I’m in love with you!

DAJK: Uhhh....can I tell you something?

YourMother: Sure! I want to learn more about you!

DAJK: Okay, here we go. I really loved the support from you, but I wanted to believe it was because you thought my ideas were actually strong. Not just you trying to get love from me. I’m sorry, I really like you, but right now, I just can’t do anything romantic.

YourMother: But....but...I would do anything for you!

DAJK: I know, and I appreciate that. But don’t forget to help yourself, and put your own ideas forward. I’m sorry, but....I’m just not interested in something like that right now.

YourMother: Okay...I understand completely.

 

CONFESSIONAL - YourMother: *hysterically crying.*

CONFESSIONAL - Elcaballero: You know, it hit me. I’m the strong one on this team. I’m done apologizing. Sorry for trying to win.

*DAJK sees the sorry state his team is in, especially with YourMother, and he feels really guilty.*

 

-------

 

Spaghetti: Congratulations, you all became heroes that have saved countless lives altogether. A few had taken some, however. *That One Guy sobs further* But, I digress. Before weekend scores, let's first go over the flash fight results, listed in order of sending.

Spoiler

WrathOfHan - 7

That One Guy - 7

Arlborn - 7

Eevin - 6

Goffe - 6

aabattery - 7

CoolEric258 - 5

 

Spaghetti: Not too shabby, Wrath. You've just guaranteed yourself immunity this week.

WrathOfHan: Phew, one less thing to worry about.

Spaghetti: And as for CoolEric258, value your coins now. You're not getting anymore.

CoolEric258: So be it. I can stand a decent challenge.

 

The person with the lowest score is out this week. And let me tell you, it's gonna be rough. If you don't have the lowest score AND aren't on the losing team, consider yourself lucky. You're going to the merge. With that, let's begin with the Flying Cougars.

 

Spoiler

@Eevin - 89.34%

@Wrath - 88.90%

@WrathOfHan - 87.49%

@Goffe - 84.82%

@Arlborn - N/A

AVERAGE: 87.64%

 

Spaghetti: Very impressive. Eevin, Wrath, and WrathOfHan are now safe. Goffe's score was good, but if no one did worse, he's out.

Goffe: No way! I have to win this, for Numbers!

 

Spaghetti: Hold on, there. Let's see how the Sadbens did.

 

Spoiler

@chasmmi - 74.87%

@CoolEric258 - 74.35%

@aabattery - N/A

AVERAGE: 74.61%

 

Spaghetti: And with that, the cougars are safe, and CoolEric258 is on the chopping block.

CoolEric258: No!

 

Spaghetti: It comes down to this. Lowest score on the Kitschjobs could be eliminated. I'd be afraid if I were you.

*CoolEric, That One Guy, and DAJK look on nervously.*

 

Spaghetti: The team recieved three scores. 86.65%, 78.92%, and.......74.04%. CoolEric is safe. The person who recieved a score of 86.65% was....

Spoiler

@elcaballero.

 

Elcaballero: Phew, thank god. Now that was a doozy.

 

Spaghetti: And finally, the contestant with a 74.04% score, and going home tonight is....

Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler

That One Guy.

 

That One Guy: Sigh, after all I had done. I deserve it. *He resigns willingly.*

DAJK: Come on, they weren't even real! It was an accident!

Spaghetti: Uh.....about that.

DAJK: Wait, they were real?!?!

All: What?!

Spaghetti: If you knew that going in, you would have gotten nervous and messed up! We just saved three galaxies of civilization! Come on, be happy!

 

DAJK: Huh, well played. But anyways, you're cool in my books, TOG. I hope to see you again.

*A ship comes down from the civilization they visited. One alien, named ZYZZYX, comes out of the ship.*

ZYZZYX: Look, it's the heroes who saved us!! *They crowd around DAJK and Elcaballero* And the traitor! *They chase That One Guy and he runs away.*

Goffe: Great, we don't get a thank you?

 

CONFESSIONAL - That One Guy: I feel like I gave it a good shot, and I'll probably never shake this guilt down. However, the aliens offered me a chance to rebuild their world, so, I don't know. I might take them up on the offer. I met a lot of cool people on this show, and DAJK was actually pretty cool once I got to know him more. What else can I say, but, later Survivor! I'll miss you all!.....Except CoolEric. God, I can still feel those injuries.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spaghetti: Aww, looks like he found a good path forward. But, I digress. The Sadbens are the losing team for the second time in a row. Chasmmi has invincibility, so with only two people contending for elimination, we're gonna do something different. We're having Survivor's first ever SUDDEN. DEATH. CHALLENGE. @aabattery vs. @CoolEric258. Their challenge is simple. Perhaps deceptively so. But regardless, one of them is going home, and they'll be the last toon standing on Survivor Island.

 

*AABATTERY and CoolEric258 look at each other nervously, while Chasmmi smiles.*

 

Spaghetti: As for the rest of you, time to cool off an relax. You've done a lot today, and it's definitely taken its toll on you. See you next time on BOT Survivor!

 

Spoiler

TUCK SHOP UPDATE

The Poughkeepsie Flying Cougars

Arlborn (15)

Eevin (21)

Goffe (3)

Wrath (12)

WrathOfHan (12)

 

The Kitschjobs

DAJK (9)

Elcaballero (11)

YourMother (2)

 

The Sadbens

AABATTERY (2)

Chasmmi (15)

CoolEric258 (4)

 

*STAIN REMOVER - 6 Coins (Removes the weakest score in your weekend prediction)

**RECYCLED PAD - 8 Coins (Doubles your vote in the Tribal Council)

*TIME MACHINE - 9 Coins (You have until 1PM EST on FRIDAY to submit predictions)

**MAGIC MIRROR - 8 Coins (Force another contestant to reveal their vote(s) in the Tribal Council)

**MARIONETTE - 12 Coins (Allows you to replace someone else's vote in Tribal Council - you may use this even if you are not a candidate for elimination) 

*Must be redeemed by Thursday at 11:59PM EST

**Must be redeemed by Tuesday at 11:59PM EST

 

WEEKEND CHALLENGE

  1. King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (Friday)
  2. King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (3-day)
  3. Snatched (Sunday)
  4. Snatched (3-day)
  5. Lowriders (3-day)
  6. The Dinner (3-day)
  7. Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume 2 (Saturday)
  8. Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume 2 (3-day)
  9. Baahubali 2: The Conclusion (3-day)
  10. The Circle (3-day)
  11. How to be a Latin Lover (Sunday)
  12. Sleight (3-day)
  13. Born in China (Saturday)
  14. Unforgettable (3-day)
  15. The Boss Baby (3-day)
  16. Get Out (Friday)

 

PREDICTIONS ARE DUE THURSDAY AT 11:59PM EST

 

SUDDEN DEATH MATCH: AABATTERY VS COOLERIC258

Predict the Tuesday grosses of the following

Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume 2

My Entire High School Sinking Into the Sea

 

PREDICTIONS ARE DUE TUESDAY AT 11:59PM EST. You lose, you're eliminated.

 

FLASH FIGHT

I'm gonna be cheap as shit for this one.

 

DO THE WEEK 2 - PART A QUESTIONS FOR CHASMMI'S SUMMER GAME.

1. Will King Arthur Open to more than $20M? 1000

2. Will Snatched Open to more than $20M? 2000

3. Will King Arthur open to more than Snatched? 3000

4. Will Lowriders open to more than $1m? 4000

5. Will King Arthur and Snatched's combined 3 Day total come to more than GOTG2's combined Friday and Saturday? 5000 

 

6. Will Boss Baby drop less than 30%  1000

7. Will Baahubali drop more than 65% 2000

8. Will How to be a Latin lover stay in the top 6? 3000

9. Will The Promise drop more than 75% 4000

10. Will The Circle have a better weekend percentage drop than Fate of the Furious? 5000

 

11. Will any new opener stay in second place for every day of the weekend? 1000

12. Will Absolutely anything have a PTA above $4,000? 2000

13. Will The Wall have a PTA above $6,000? 3000

14. Will GOTG2 drop more than 60% for the weekend? 4000

15. Will Liam Neeson get confused and try to rescue Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn? 5000 

 

The winner will receive a secret tuck shop item.

The loser will cannot recieve immunity for the next two weeks.

 

PREDICTIONS ARE DUE THURSDAY AT 11:59PM EST

 

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YM! Global Phenomenon

YM!

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 minute ago, Eevin said:

giphy.gif

Look into your heart. You know it to be true. When one ship dies, another rises so it's either going to be you and @Arlborn or WrathHan.

Edited by YourMother
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Wrath Box Office Gold

Wrath

Posted
Posted
On 5/8/2017 at 11:06 PM, chasmmi said:

So I think my loyalty to the Robot is proven here.

 

I left the team, moved over to the toon and one by one, I took them all out :D 

 

Oh wait, Now I'm all alone :(

 

You're so loyal that you ARE the team!

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