Rorschach Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 (edited) Year 1 is done and completed. Though I wasn't able to make a film of my own this year, I have a lign-up of stuff prepped for the future. For now, lets dive into some reviews. Time for your daily dose of F's Edited September 23, 2017 by Rorschach 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted September 13, 2017 Author Share Posted September 13, 2017 (edited) Killer Plane While being somewhat tame for a Michael Bay film in terms of his recurring tropes, what remains is a dumb, unoriginal action film that only further to proves Bay's wanning creativity in the film industry. D Ophiophobia Sharknado with snakes. I thought Sharknado was pretty god awful. You can put two and two together. F Lake of the Psychopaths While there are some admittedly pretty cool action/death scenes, the film is a tonal mess. It wants to be a gore-fest action film with over-the-top deaths but the film takes itself so damn seriously that it honestly feels kind of uncomfortable at times. A jumbled mess from start to finish. D+ Timmy's Winter Vacation Although it is your standard, harmless kids film, it does have some heart to it. Found myself laughing a few times as well. Unremarkable but well-meaning. C+ Captain Planet Its tone is consistently light-hearted and ridiculous throughout but that's also where its main problems lie: Its just ridiculous. C- SOMA The dark setting, creepy tone, inventive Sci-Fi aspects, and strong performances from its two leads raise it above the typical January line-up. Unfortunately, it's rather exposition heavy at times and the ending feels rather out of nowhere compared to the rest of the film. B The Artificial Age One of Paul W.S. Anderson's better films to date. Still, the film just feels like a low-rent version of Terminator. C+ Battle: Mars 3D Meh. Not much else. Just meh. D+ Edited September 13, 2017 by Rorschach Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted September 13, 2017 Author Share Posted September 13, 2017 Almost done with February. Just have Poison and Wine and Teenage Teenage Alien Fighters left to read. I don't really know what to expect ... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xillix Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 10 minutes ago, Rorschach said: Almost done with February. Just have Poison and Wine and Teenage Teenage Alien Fighters left to read. I don't really know what to expect ... Don't read the reviews or the little short summary of TTAFfBH then, they spoil the ending Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hiccup23 Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 30 minutes ago, Rorschach said: Almost done with February. Just have Poison and Wine and Teenage Teenage Alien Fighters left to read. I don't really know what to expect ... I guess I'll see the Poison and Wine review in 24 hours . Prepare a full course dinner and an adult beverage when you read it haha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethan Hunt Posted September 14, 2017 Share Posted September 14, 2017 You ain't almost done if you haven't read Poison and Wine 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hiccup23 Posted September 14, 2017 Share Posted September 14, 2017 (edited) I swear I'll make the sequel shorter. I'll release an extended cut in limited theaters the following year you can optionally read Edited September 14, 2017 by Hiccup23 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted September 14, 2017 Author Share Posted September 14, 2017 6 minutes ago, Ethan Hunt said: You ain't almost done if you haven't read Poison and Wine 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted September 14, 2017 Author Share Posted September 14, 2017 My thoughts right now: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hiccup23 Posted September 14, 2017 Share Posted September 14, 2017 20 minutes ago, Rorschach said: My thoughts right now: Oh god. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted September 14, 2017 Author Share Posted September 14, 2017 1 hour ago, Hiccup23 said: Oh god. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted September 14, 2017 Author Share Posted September 14, 2017 February: The Devil's Hitman Not even Uwe Boll can pull a bat-shit Nic Cage performance out of Nic Cage. Very disappointing. F White Jerseys A decent and heartfelt redemption story. Familiar and been there before but should strike a cord with a lot of people B- Mirror's Edge The action scenes are pretty fun and entertaining but the rest of the film is rather uninspired. Standard action fare. Not much more. C Posion and Wine I'll give the film a lot of credit. Its not easy to touch upon a lot of the taboos shown in the story, and for a major studio to be releasing this to wide audience is commendable. Still, the film unfortunately falls flat for me. The story is incredibly drawn out being at 145 minutes and you can feel the length. 2 and a half hours felt like 4 hours to me. The overall plot itself just feels like another version of Fifty Shades of Grey. It's a better film overall than Fifty Shades of Grey but still, one cannot help but make the comparison. Overall, a competently made film that touches on subjects not seen in most wide release films but drawn out running time was a deal breaker for me. C- The SCP Foundation An excellently crafted horror anthology movie, setting itself apart from most modern horror films of today. Each short is incredibly unique in their own way and all of them succeed in providing some Grade A scares. My personal favorites were SCP-2315 and SCP-1981. Wan is definitely one of horror's most valuable directors and this further cements his status as on of the best. A- I'm probably gonna do the rest or February tomorrow. A lot of reading and writing to do... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted September 14, 2017 Author Share Posted September 14, 2017 February cont. Best Friends Forever Two James Wan films in the span of a week?! In all seriousness, this was a pretty solid film. Not necessarily as scary as SCP Foundation but it definitely delivers on the dramatic side. Hildebrand gives a great performance and it is sure to catapult her to bigger projects in the future. Aside from a few cheap scares, it manages to create a terrifying tone throughout mixed with a heartfelt plot. B Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters from Beverly Hills I got to be honest... I actually kind of enjoyed this film . As nonsensical as it was, it had me laughing out loud quite a few times. That's gotta be doing something right, right? B BraveStarr An enjoyable throwback to the Saturday morning cartoons of the 80s and 90s even if doesn't fully draw you into its plot. B- Runaway: A Road Adventure Did I read the genre right: Action/Comedy/Road Film? Cuz there seemed to be an EXTREME lack of comedy in the films narrative. I mean, it is directed by Paul Feig, right? In that department, it just fails miserably. The other part, the action part, is fairly standard and not impressive by any stretch of the imagination with a plot that feels spineless. I'd recommend viewers go in without the mindset of it being a comedy. Otherwise, you'll be severely disappointed. D+ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xillix Posted September 14, 2017 Share Posted September 14, 2017 7 minutes ago, Rorschach said: Two James Wan films in the span of a week?! Actually, Best Friends Forever is directed by Jennifer Kent. Wan was the original choice but in a later post @spaghetti! asked for the director to be changed. The first post schedule was updated with the new director but Spaghetti never edited the post for the film itself. The same scenario played itself out for A Love to Die For, originally meant for Rawson Marshall-Thurber, he was replaced by Peter Atencio at Spaghetti's request but again, the original film post was never edited 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted September 14, 2017 Author Share Posted September 14, 2017 9 minutes ago, Xillix said: Actually, Best Friends Forever is directed by Jennifer Kent. Wan was the original choice but in a later post @spaghetti! asked for the director to be changed. The first post schedule was updated with the new director but Spaghetti never edited the post for the film itself. The same scenario played itself out for A Love to Die For, originally meant for Rawson Marshall-Thurber, he was replaced by Peter Atencio at Spaghetti's request but again, the original film post was never edited Woops I'm stupid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted September 15, 2017 Author Share Posted September 15, 2017 (edited) March Rendezvous with Rama The film is a wonder to look at. The visuals are undeniably top-tier. Unfortunately, the film feels rather lifeless overall, feeling almost like a watered down version of 2001: A Space Odyssey. C Seance Pretty decent horror film with some good scares. Not too much else to say. B- Jim's Adversity An interesting story but the film lacks any sort of emotional core. Probably would've worked better as a Documentary than a feature length film. C Jungles Interesting documentary. Learned some new things and enjoyed great moments of nature. Definitely a good film to bring the family to. B Second Wind Helms, Barrymore, and Manganiello all do pretty well with what they are given. Unfortunately, the movie around them is rather dull and not really all that funny. I'm sure the general audience will probably enjoy it but I just wasn't one of those people. C+ The Adventures of Oscar Pill I honestly don't know what to think about this film honestly. It has a lot of really neat concepts and the actors do a fairly good job in their roles, with Attah as the title character being a memorable standout. The main problem with the film, a trap that most films fall into nowadays, is that it feels more concerned with setting up a multi-million dollar franchise than telling a complete story. The pacing felt a bit all over the place with the first half feeling long and drawn out while the second half feels relatively short. It's an okay film at best with a great performance from Abraham Attah. C Dawn of Extinction Yeah... that was... pretty dumb. D Seeing Her A wonderful, romantic drama from the great Stephen Chbosky. Evan Peters gives possibly the best performance of his career as an emotionally broken man trying to reset his past after a tragic accident. Heartbreaking and thought-provoking, we have ourselves an early Oscar contender. I'll be absolutely shocked if it isn't nominated. I may give it some time to let it sink in to me a bit but this feels like an A+ movie to me. Fantastic job @spaghetti! A Signed in Blood Michael B. Jordan is pretty good. Too bad the film around him is a sloppily edited, incoherent mess (typical Olivier Megaton direction). C- Rabbids: The Big Adventure I like the Minions better, and I find them really annoying. Should tell you how I feel about the Rabbids. D+ Edited September 15, 2017 by Rorschach 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted September 18, 2017 Author Share Posted September 18, 2017 About halfway through reviewing April. Reviews should be up in about an hour or two. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted September 18, 2017 Author Share Posted September 18, 2017 (edited) April: Salem's Lot A rather uninspired adaptation of King's novel. Also C&P. C Second to Singapore After a rather slow start, the film ultimately kicks up a few notches when the duo enter Singapore. The comedy is rather hit-and-miss but overall it is still a relatively solid comedic effort. B- The Defiler The film ultimately suffers from being too tame. The overall story is actually rather engaging but the PG-13 cut ultimately makes the scares and creep factors fall a little flat. Which is unfortunate because the story itself sets up some interesting ideas and the performances work rather well. Perhaps a more bloody and intense version of this film exists but as is, it's just okay. C+ He-Man For a film based off a rather campy animated TV show, it actually isn't half bad. My biggest complaint overall is the severe lack of action throughout the film. The true fighting only happens twice: once in a flashback and in the climax of the film. However, the action scenes themselves are pretty fun to watch. Overall, decent adaptation that is sure to be a big pre-summer crowd-pleaser. B- Edited September 18, 2017 by Rorschach 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted September 18, 2017 Author Share Posted September 18, 2017 April: A Love to Die For Channing Tatum and Jennifer Lawrence make for a great couple in this hilarious, off-kilter crime thriller/romantic comedy. Don't be surprised if this picks up a few Oscar noms at the end of the year. B+ PROM A comedy that falls victim to thinking it is more clever than it actually is. None of the characters presented say anything that is remotely funny and their characterization is rather weak. Also, anything with Jake Paul in it probably deserves an F rating by default D The Trail C'mon Adam Wingard! We all know you're better than this. Why did you have to settle making a dull and forgettable horror film with absolutely nothing unique to say about the genre? Oh well. D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xillix Posted September 19, 2017 Share Posted September 19, 2017 1 hour ago, Rorschach said: The Defiler The film ultimately suffers from being too tame. The overall story is actually rather engaging but the PG-13 cut ultimately makes the scares and creep factors fall a little flat. Which is unfortunate because the story itself sets up some interesting ideas and the performances work rather well. Perhaps a more bloody and intense version of this film exists but as is, it's just okay. Oh yay someone acknowledged my magazine post <3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...