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WrathOfHan

WrathOfHan's Top 20 (and Bottom 10!) Movies of 2017

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16 hours ago, WrathOfHan said:

#9. Power Rangers

Power_Rangers_(2017_Official_Theatrical_

Back when I saw this in theaters, I thought it would be impossible for there to be 5 worse movies than this in 2017. How little I knew back then! Make no mistake; Power Rangers is a terrible movie. It meanders around as a dry highschool movie for about 70-80 minutes before morphing into a Power Rangers episode with Krispy Kreme product placement and Kanye West blaring in the background. Elizabeth Banks is the only saving grace of this movie as Rita Repulsa, but unfortunately, she doesn't salvage enough of the film. Nice try, Lionsgate.

Fuck you

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#5. King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

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I'll say this about King Arthur: it is the only movie of 2017 that gave me a headache. This film suffers from a lack of identity and doesn't know if it wants to be a Guy Ritchie joint or a fantasy spectacle in the vein of Middle Earth. As a result, the movie is a fucking mess that never lives up to its potential. Shit like this is why Charlie Hunnam will never be taken seriously, and Jude Law is never fully allowed to embrace the hamminess of his character. As I said above, this movie gave me a headache, and 95% of that headache came from the action in here. Je. Sus. Christ. The action in King Arthur comes straight out of a video game cutscene. There is almost always a weird mixture of slow motion followed by sped up movements that are there to make up for lost time. This got really grating in the climax of the film, and I was ready for it to end. Hell, there were multiple occasions where I wanted to see what time it was in the theater but abstained because knowing how far I am into a shitty film makes it move so much slower. King Arthur: Legend of the Sword is mind-numbingly shite.

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#4. The Dark Tower

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The terms "wasted potential" and "missed opportunity" can be applied to many 2017 movies, but they don't fit any film better than they do The Dark Tower. I haven't read any of the books, but you can tell there were so many more things that could have been done with this. On one hand, this movie is very short, but that doesn't allow anything of note to happen. The plot is very barebones and just skates along for the film to progress. The film also features a very bad performance from Matthew McConaughey that belongs in another movie. The Dark Tower may be the most frustrating movie of 2017 because of how much the source material is botched.

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#3. The Circle

The_Circle_(2017_film).png

 

THIS MOVIE MAKES NO GODDAMN SENSE AT ALL!!!!! The Circle will go down as one of the best hilaribad films of the decade. Right from the beginning, you will be asking for questions about what's going on. As the film progresses, that pile of questions grows bigger and bigger, and nearly all of them will not be resolved. The cast is pretty whatever outside of Emma Watson, who provides great ammo to her haters by giving one of the most stone-cold performances of the year. When looking at the talent involved, this movie should not have sucked as much as it did, but fortunately, The Circle is a great movie to watch with friends while drinking.

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On 2/14/2018 at 4:27 AM, WrathOfHan said:

 

 

The Foreigner

The_Foreigner_(2017_film).jpg

Pierce Brosnan: "WHAT DO YA THINK YER DOING MATE?????"

*Jackie Chan stealthily does something*

Pierce Brosnan: "FUCK!"

 

Repeat that throughout the last 80 or so minutes of this movie, and that's The Foreigner in a nutshell. 

That actually makes it sound quite appealing, think I'll watch it on Netflix tonight.

 

On 2/14/2018 at 4:04 AM, WrathOfHan said:

 

Note: I did not see The Disaster Artist

I did not see it! It's not true, it's bullshit, I did not see it! I did not. Oh, hi Han.

 

Edited by Treeing Me Apart
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#2. Transformers: The Last Knight

Transformers_The_Last_Knight_poster.jpg

COGMAN is a FALSE GOD. As for the rest of the movie, this is a massive "step down" from Age of Extinction. Transformers: The Last Knight is an exhausting film from start to finish that incorporates some of AOE's goofiness early on (Tucci Merlin!) but abandons it after the first 90 minutes or so. Some of the weird shit in here includes the aforementioned Tucci, that section of the film where it becomes Suicide Squad, Anthony Hopkins as a partially senile guy who loves youthful slang, a Steve Buscemi bot that appears for like 2-3 minutes, and a hell lot more. All of this would have been fun in the so bad it's so good way of AOE, but the second half of this film is a fucking chore to get through. Don't even get me started on the shifting aspect ratio. The constant shifts every 5 seconds got annoying REALLY fast. Thank god Bay says he's done with this series, because it's time for Hailee Steinfeld to take this shit over and make something good out of it.

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#1. Bright

BrightPoster.jpeg

After making the worst movie of 2016, David Ayer decided to one-up himself by making the worst movie of 2017: Bright! This film has every ingredient for a piece of shit including but not limited to attempts to be politically relevant (#FairyLives), attempts to be a fantasy epic, attempts to make another Suicide Squad soundtrack, and attempts to be another ego-fulfilling Max Landis effort. Thank God MeToo got his ass exposed; I'm glad we won't have to deal with any more films from that shitlord. The worst thing about Bright is how fucking dull it is. I was zoning out an hour into the movie and can't even tell you what happened in the last act. Similar to Suicide Squad, all of the cringe comes earlier in the film with the boring stuff at the end. Unlike Suicide Squad though, the boring stuff actively made me antsy waiting for it to end. This is a much, MUCH worse movie than Squad ever hopes to be, and it's also the worst movie of 2017. Congratulations!

 

Image result for fairy lives don't matter gif

Edited by WrathOfHan
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Now that I've taken the trash out, it's time for the good stuff! Before I start my Top 20, here are some honorable mentions.

 

Logan

Logan_2017_poster.jpg

 

"Bad shit happens to people I care about."

James Mangold's Logan represents an evolutionary step for the comic book movie genre and redefines what one can be. It so desperately avoids being a comic book movie, and it fully works! Logan is a story about growing old first, family second, and destruction third. None of this would have worked without a trio of stellar performances from Hugh Jackman, Patrick Stewart, and Dafne Keen. Emotional and intense, Logan is one of the year's best blockbusters.

 

John Wick: Chapter 2

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"You wanted me back... I'm back!"

John Wick: Chapter 2 is a nice, slick sequel. It expands on the world and story of the first while staying grounded in its principles. One such principle is the principle of kicking ass, and boy oh boy is there a lot more ass kicking in here. John Wick: Chapter 2 features some of the best if not THE best action sequences of any 2017 film. This chapter arguably surpasses the first, and I cannot wait to see Chapter 3 next year.

 

Logan Lucky

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"The only guy who knows anything about blowing up real bank folks is Joe Bang!"

Steven Soderbergh makes his triumphant return to the big screen with Logan Lucky, a fun heist comedy that showcases the director's efficiency. The film's biggest asset by far is the cast, featuring career best performances from Channing Tatum, Daniel Craig, and Adam Driver among others and a career worst performance for Hillary Swank! Logan Lucky is full of good laughs, heartfelt moments, and an exciting heist. It's also the best 2017 movie to feature a John Denver song (what was up with that trend this year?).

 

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Star_Wars_The_Last_Jedi.jpg

 

"Who are you?"

Although not quite as good as The Force Awakens, The Last Jedi is a bold entry in the Star Wars saga. I'm not going to spend a lot of time on this one given how much has been said about it already on here, but the film is always a gripping adventure with some of the best moments in the franchise. Plus, how could you not love 

Spoiler

Luke drinking breast(?) milk?

 

It

It_(2017)_poster.jpg

 

"They're gazebos! They're bullshit!"

Prior to release, I was a bit skeptical on It's box office chances and quality as someone who never read the book or watched the miniseries. It looked like a decent horror flick but ended up being a really fun flick. Despite ineffective scares, what really sells It is the chemistry between the kids. Their banter made me wish the movie was another half hour longer! I'm looking forward to see how the characters have evolved in Chapter 2 (and who will play them).

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#20. Molly's Game

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"You are so fucked!"

Molly's Game is Aaron Sorkin's directorial debut, and it is absolutely riveting. The film brings over all of Sorkin's hallmarks while still remaining fresh and exciting. The cast is great, and Jessica Chastain gives one of her best performances in quite a while. You don't even have to be into poker to enjoy the film; everything is easy to follow, and at 2 hours 20 minutes, it rarely drags. Molly's Game is a winner all around.

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#19. The Killing of a Sacred Deer

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"My mom's attracted to you. She's got a great body."

 

The Killing of a Sacred Deer isn't quite as good as Yorgos Lanthimos' The Lobster, but it isn't far behind. This is a very messed up and twisted film that somehow manages to find humor in the darkest situations. Barry Keoghan and Nicole Kidman give two of the best supporting performances of the year, and Colin Farrell is great as always. The cinematography here is also on point, and the amount of headroom in most of the shots gives the film a very cold, distant feel. The Killing of a Sacred Deer is a movie that will get under your skin, and I cannot wait to see Lanthimos' next film The Favourite later this year. 

 

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#18. Split

Split_(2017_film).jpg

 

"He's done awful things to people, and he'll do awful things to you. I have blue socks, too."

M. Night Shyamalan returned to form with Split, his first good movie in at least 15 years. Headlined by a delicious James McAvoy performance, Split is a fun thriller that keeps you guessing and anticipating every new turn. Anya Taylor Joy continues to be our new scream queen as well. This was one of two movies I stanned for last year, and although it has dropped down fairly low on my list, my love for Split is still strong.

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