New Journey Pictures Christmas Extravaganza (Year 5 Event)

[SLAM!]

Fictional chairman Glenn Guthrie enters a snowy lodge, wearing a Santa Claus hat and a considerably unfashionable sweater.

 

"Hello! Thank you for taking the time to tune in! New Journey Pictures is going to be unveiling a myriad of projects today! But first... I need an eggnog!"

 

Glenn walks into the kitchen. John Malkovich is at the counter, holding a carton of eggnog. He is also wearing a Santa Clause hat and a considerably unfashionable sweater.

 

Guthrie and Malkovich give each other a big hug, and Malkovich pours two glasses of eggnog--and he doesn't forget the nutmeg, either.

 

"Remember, Glenn!" says Malkovich. "You gotta chug it!"

 

"Welp," says Guthrie. "If you insist!"

 

"May the best eggnog chugger win," says Malkovich.

 

The two men proceed to chug the eggnog as fast as they can. Guthrie begins to cough hoarsely, and he hurries offscreen.

 

"Uh-oh!" says Malkovich. "Looks like I included much more nutmeg than I intended too!"

 

Offscreen, we hear the sound of production managers and paramedics rushing to help.

 

Malkovich straightens his sweater and says to the camera, "While we get this situation situated, please enjoy a gift-wrapped selection of news and announcements!"

 

Malkovich cringes at the offscreen chaos, and he rushes offscreen to help.

[SLAM!]

We cut to Thomas Middleditch, who is in a comfy armchair, reading a newspaper.

 

"Oh, hello there! You look like someone who wants to know more about Wi-Fi Winnebago, an all new comedy coming next January! It's about a group of strangers at the same camp site who all try to share the same Wi-Fi, only to all become victims of hacking the next morning! The film includes me in the starring role, with Kate Micucci, [I forgot the rest but I'll post them soon], and Amy Schumer in a glorified cameo! We hope you make the time to see Wi-Fi Winnebago on January 22nd, Y5."

[SLAM!]

We cut back to John Malkovich, who is with a recovering Glenn Guthrie.

 

"Gee, I feel much better after I almost died because of the nutmeg that clogged my windpipe," says Guthrie. "Thanks for the help!"

 

"I guess you owe me one!" says Malkovich.

 

"Hey, I have a good idea!" says Guthrie. "Let's go outside and toss a football with writer/director Kenneth Lonergan!"

 

"That sounds like a really good plan," says Malkovich.

 

Guthrie and Malkovich go outside in the snow-covered yard, where Kenneth Lonergan is standing; he is wearing a blue football jersey.

 

"Go long!" Lonergan shouts.

 

Guthrie runs far and raises his hands. "I'm as open as a can of corned beef hash, you know what I'm sayin?"

 

Suddenly, Malkovich tackles him to the ground. It's a rather ruthless tackle.

 

"I think you broke somethin', you know what I'm sayin'?" says Guthrie.

 

Kenneth Lonergan turns to the camera. "I guess I'm not very good at football. But what I am good at is making great films! And that's why I'm the director of Wii Sports, which releases September 10th, Year 5. The cast includes:

 

- Sasheer Zamata

- Ajiona Alexus

- Sunny Suljic

- Beck Bennet

- Kyle Mooney

- Mary Elizabeth Winstead

- Manny Jacinto

- John Cleese

- Danny Glover

- Diego Luna

- Elizabeth Rodriguez

- and [I forgot the last one but I'll post it soon]

 

All of these actors play in one of five stories about the five sports from Wii Sports, and the five stories will be edited together for dramatic affect. I can't wait to share what we've been working on at New Journey Pictures!"

[SLAM!]

Glenn Guthrie and John Malkovich are back at the kitchen table, lathering icing on Christmas cookies.

 

"So John," says Guthrie. "Tell me about Banana Fish."

 

"...I've never heard of that species of fish."

 

"No, I'm talking about the film Banana Fish, the one you have a supporting role in."

 

"Oh, yes."

 

"What's it about, anyway? I know it's baded on an anime, but I need a refresher..."

 

"Well, it's a two part film about a 17-year old gang leader named Ash Lynx, one who is abused in more ways than one by mafia boss Papa Dino Golzine--that's my character. Then a Japanese crime photographer named Eiji travel to New York and gets thrown into the chaos--they develop a platonic romance with each other. And throughout the film, Ash and their allies battle to prevent the dangerous drug (codename "Banana Fish") that destroyed Ash's brother from going into the hands of militaries. It's a dense, fascinating story, and the first part is coming to theaters late June next year."

 

"Well, who's in it?"

 

"Here's a list of the main cast:

 

Judah Lewis (The Christmas Chronicles) as Ash

Isaac Jin Solstein (The Miseducation of Cameron Post) as Eiji

Ross Butler (13 Reasons Why) as Shorter

Greg Kinnear (Little Men) as Max

Ken Watanabe (Inception) as Ibe

Ryan Potter (Titans) as Yut Lung

Lucas Till (X-Men: First Class) as Arthur

Brandon Soo Hoo (Tropic Thunder) as Su Rin Sing

with Ewen Bremner as Abraham Dawson

and John Malkovich as Papa Dino Golzine

 

So, yeah, we got a pretty good cast."

 

"And remind me, please... what will this film be rated?"

 

"R. For language, violence, sexual themes, drug material... all the things your mother tells you not to do."

 

"Well, that movie sounds as hard as these cookies."

 

"Yeah, who baked these? They're like bricks!"

Edited December 25, 2018 by Slambros

[SLAM!]

*At this point, an intermission is held in the broadcast. A message is included: "That is all for Y5 information, but we'll be announcing Y6 projects later today."*

Edited December 25, 2018 by Slambros

[SLAM!]

The live-stream returns to the snowy lodge.

 

"Hey Guthrie!" says Malkovich.

 

Glenn Guthrie turns to John Malkovich. "What?"

 

"It's time to OPEN DA PRESENTS!"

 

They both jump up and down in excitement.

[SLAM!]

John Malkovich grabs a red present, which says:

 

TO: ALL CINEPHILES
FROM: NEW JOURNEY PICTURES ANIMATION

 

Glenn Guthrie jumps up and down in delight. "I'm excited to open it, you know what I'm sayin'?!"

 

They open the gift, hoping to find Year 6 announcements inside.

 

Spoiler

The first announcement is:

 

Spoiler

PIKMIN

 

Captain Olimar crash lands on a mysterious planet, which is lush with all sorts of life--though the pint-sized astronaut all too quickly finds that most of the planet's life is hostile. Luckily, he finds a race of aliens even smaller than him--they are Pikmin, and they are loyal to a fault. Olimar utilizes the Pikmin to repair his rocketship, while grappling with the fact that he hasn't done anything to deserve their unwavering loyalty.

 

Spoiler

The second and final announcement is:

 

Spoiler

UNTITLED NEW JOURNEY PICTURES ANIMATED PROJECT

 

New Journey Pictures has multiple ideas for its first original, non-adaption animated film, and the company plans to settle on one soon.

 

 

 

 

2

 

2

 

[SLAM!]

John Malkovich grabs a blue present, which says:

 

TO: ALL CINEPHILES
FROM: NEW JOURNEY PICTURES CLASSICS

 

Glenn Guthrie jumps up and down in delight. "I'm excited to open it, you know what I'm sayin'?"

 

They open the gift, hoping to find Year 6 announcements inside.

 

Spoiler

The first announcement is:

 

Spoiler

THE RED, THE WHITE, AND THE GREEN

 

A family goes Christmas shopping in New York City, and they are reminded of the true spirit of Christmas. This is a gently flowing film with wonderfully witty dialogue, and it is to be directed by Eighth Grade director Bo Burnham.

 

Spoiler

The second, final, and potentially controversial announcement is:

 

Spoiler

THE FEMINIST

 

This is a cinematic retelling of the Biblical story of Deborah. It is to be rated R, and it will stay extremely close to the source material, which is the Biblical book of Judges. The film aims to examine the roles that women took in the battle to defeat king Jabin's army, as well as the military commander Sisera. The film is to be directed by Justin Kurzel (Macbeth, Assassin's Creed), and it is expected to be a major Oscar candidate.

 

 

 

 

[SLAM!]

John Malkovich grabs a yellow present, which says:

 

TO: ALL CINEPHILES
FROM: NEW JOURNEY PICTURES

 

Glenn Guthrie exclaims, "THESE ARE THE BIG ONES!"

 

John Malkovich nods his head in excitement and tears open the package.

 

Spoiler

The first announcement is:

 

Spoiler

THE ANCIENT MAGUS' BRIDE

 

This film may have to be told in two parts.

 

It is about a young woman of Japanese ethnicity, Chise Hatori, who, overwhelmed by depression, gives herself away to an organization that is auctioning her off. Enter the buyer, who purchases her for a considerable sum: Elias Ainsworth, a monstrous mage who resides amongst a world invisible to the naked eye. And as Chise's restraints are disintegrated by Elias' magic before her very eyes, she is not only declared an apprentice.

 

She is declared a bride.

 

This film is to be directed by Adam Adamson, the director of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe and The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian.

 

 

 

Spoiler

The second announcement is:

 

Spoiler

THE GRAVEYARD BOOK

 

Neil Gaiman's Newbery Award Winning novel is getting the big screen treatment. The synopsis: a murderer sneaks into a house and kills a family, but can't bring himself to kill the infant son; he abandons the child in a city cemetery, and the ghosts of the cemetery take it upon themselves to care for him.

 

This film is to be directed by Eli Roth, who directed The House With A Clock in its Walls.

 

 

Spoiler

The third announcement is:

 

Spoiler

WEARINESS
 

This is an original horror film, in which a young Christian man (a role that Timothee Chalamet is in talks to play) is kidnapped by a group of torturers and brought to a warehouse. He easily escapes the warehouse, but quickly realizes that many more people in the immediate premises are working with the torturers. The horror film's main goal is to address the theme of anxiety, an issue that the lead character deals with.

 

The film is to be directed by Tulpa director Ari Aster.

 

 

Spoiler

The fourth and final announcement is:

 

Spoiler

THE NEON PSALMS

 

This films ponders the question: in a futuristic city where the humans have long since implanted their consciousnesses into robot bodies, what would be the role of faith? After a devastating accident that sends ripple effects throughout the city, a college professor dedicates herself to writing a series of poems that have the intent of praising God, while simultaneously being relevant to her robotic era. The film will cover a myriad of themes such as identity and freedom, and it will utilize state-of-the-art motion capture technology. A director has not been selected.

 

 

Edited December 26, 2018 by Slambros

[SLAM!]

Glenn and John turn to the camera.

 

Malkovich: "Welp! That's all the time we have today!"

 

Guthrie: "Thank you for tuning in!

 

Malkovich: "So, Glenn? How about some more eggnog chugging?"

 

Guthrie: "You're on, my friend!"

 

(player's note):

Spoiler

All of the year six announcements that I made are tentative and subject to change. Year 5 films are much bigger focuses at the moment. 

 

But you may have noticed that, for about three or four of my Y6 announcements, my experiences with my Christian faith is really coming through into my CAYOM projects. As a Christian, I am ready to challenge myself to approach these projects like C.S. Lewis would: as a content creator who happens to be Christian, rather than a creator of Christian content. So what I am going to write will be much more skillful and respectful than something like God's Not Dead. At least, that is my personal goal.

 

And hey: half adaptions and half originals. I am very happy with that!

 

[Reddroast]

44 minutes ago, Slambros said:

Glenn and John turn to the camera.

 

Malkovich: "Welp! That's all the time we have today!"

 

Guthrie: "Thank you for tuning in!

 

Malkovich: "So, Glenn? How about some more eggnog chugging?"

 

Guthrie: "You're on, my friend!"

 

(player's note):

  Reveal hidden contents

All of the year six announcements that I made are tentative and subject to change. Year 5 films are much bigger focuses at the moment. 

 

But you may have noticed that, for about three or four of my Y6 announcements, my experiences with my Christian faith is really coming through into my CAYOM projects. As a Christian, I am ready to challenge myself to approach these projects like C.S. Lewis would: as a content creator who happens to be Christian, rather than a creator of Christian content. So what I am going to write will be much more skillful and respectful than something like God's Not Dead. At least, that is my personal goal.

 

And hey: half adaptions and half originals. I am very happy with that!

 

I am fasintated by your plans for your faith based films

[SLAM!]

8 hours ago, Reddroast said:

I am fasintated by your plans for your faith based films

 

Thank you! It'll be a lot of fun to write them for sure!