Morieris @ The Movies (2018 Edition) | We're Done (or Are We?)

[Morieris]

13. Love, Simon

Ok, this isn't the disappointing movie.

 

I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop with this movie. Waiting for Simon to be the victim of a hate crime or something.

 

So many times I was just really nervous for Simon, or sad for him, or relieved when everything went well, and I really have to give Irritating Kid From Jurassic World - I mean, Nick Robinson - credit.

 

And sure, some criticisms I’ve seen are “This isn’t realistic, having people accept someone’s sexuality,” which is a really sad and troubling thing.

 

This movie has a little flair to it’s cinematography, a bit of twist in its narration - there’s even a particularly hilarious musical sequence. In all essence, if this was another straight teen love story, it would really be unremarkable - and the movie doesn't just rest on the laurels of it's ..."novelty", but it's genuinely charming, heart-wrenching, and kind of tense.

 

Some of the straight, young romance stuff is really trite - Though it is handled far less…obnoxiously? Irritatingly? I’m trying to be nice here - It’s done better than Loved Before by far.

Something I’ve been reading a lot was “Why did this movie take off and not Moonlight?”

 

First, 20th Century Fox is way bigger than A24.

Second…Moonlight won????? Best Picture???? You miss the biggest fuckup in Oscar history???? Considering the declining Oscar ratings, probably so.

Let's not pretend there aren't biases that prevented Moonlight from being bigger, but there's also logistics.

RANKING:  6/27

[Morieris]

14. Hotel Artemis

Here it is! Biggest disappointment of the year! 

_{At least she didn't die!......I think.}

 

You know me by now, the worse a movie looks that clearly looks like someone put effort into it, the more I'm likely to at least give it a shot.

 

Everything was there, the acting, the cast, the styling, the idea, the styling, the aesthetic, the styling! Those are the reasons this isn't somewhere in the high-20's on my rankings.

 

But it’s a lot of setups with no payoffs. “Oh no, we have The Wolf King’s ring! Hide it!”…and….there’s no consequence.

"Oh no! One of his flunkies sees that we're here!".....okay, that one, they actually tried to conclude the issue, to no avail.

 

Opponents stare each other down and most of the time, there is no resolution after the initial conflict. Thanks for wasting everyone's time!

 

This would have been much, much better and more interesting as an HBO series, actually, even as a graphic novel it would have been pretty sweet.

 

 The idea is amazingly squandered. I am SO impressed! Considering Global Road is, not doing so hot to say it nicely, I hope HBO can snatch the rights up to this for chump change and make something that doesn't just shit all over a great idea.

 

RATING: 21/27

 

[Morieris]

Ironically I just finished up Bird Box and any 2018 movies I watch in 2019 will be added here, just at the end of the initial line-up, and no rankings.

 

But, Onward! Hey, you know who's making that? Pixar! You know what else they made?

 

15. Incredibles 2

_{Nice poster!}

 

 

 

I didn’t expect this movie to be as polarizing as it is.

Sure, it was never going to be as good as the original (and it’s been a year, I still can’t decide if Coco or the original Incredibles is my favorite Pixar movie) - it was just going to be another story that we can all see and go home and go “Yeah, that was fine.”

 

I think where I’m lost at is - What … is the message the movie is trying to convey? 

 

Defend yourself? 

 

Your idealism about the state helping you is BS?

 

 I’m going to make everyone hate Supers even though…they’re already shunned by the public? 

 

Why is Screenslaver going “hur hur, sheeple!” in a world where the only widespread technological advance is the television? People don’t have smartphones or tablets yet.

 

The original worked on the strength of its characters, and I think that’s what Bird was leaning on here. Because the actual conflict is so strange, you just want to see Helen be a badass and catch the bad guy because that’s what’s supposed to happen. While Dash is a non-entity, Violet really steals the show as a girl perpetually done with all the bullshit that keeps interfering with her life.

 

The other big plot thread is Bob, Mr. Incredible, coming to terms with the fact that Helen is out there, bringing glory back to their small subculture, and he wishes it was him. Mind, he never pooh-poohs the domestic work, but is that plot line resolved? Does he at once say "We can share the spotlight?", because I remember that plot thread just dying on the vine as soon as all the impact from the muddled message hit.

 

Why did I rank this so high? Nostalgia is a hell of a drug, and there's more of it coming.

Hell, I just switched it with the other nostalgia bomb movie that's coming next. I enjoyed that one more.

 

RANKING: 9 / 27

[Morieris]

16. Ready Player One

I heard Armada sucked though.

_{Wow much 80's.}

 

I was perhaps one of ten people on the planet genuinely excited for this movie. So much so, that I went to reread the book - I had liked it five years ago, after all!

 

About a hundred pages in, I went “Damn, this kid is a pain in the ass. Every bad ‘I can haz cheezburger’ meme jumped out.” and I stopped, and my excitement kind of died. Now it was replaced with worry.

 

That’s why I’m so glad this movie improves Wade in nearly every way. “Life kinda sucks, but I'm just getting through hey this dude is a jerk I like this girl but - oh, I’m a bit overbearing and here’s my best friend.” Some of the characters in the book were delegated to ugly stereotypes, and while they still don't have much to do here, it's far better than the source material.

 

Spielberg really does well reimagining the challenges. The race is better than a boring cave hunt, The Shining reenactment is awesome, and the final battle is pretty impressive. While I appreciate the moral of "Get the fuck offline and live", these people probably live in shitholes like Wade. What the hell are they supposed to do.

 

RANKING: 8/10

[Morieris]

17. Teen Titans GO! To The Movies

_{T-double E-N -I-T-A-N-S}

_{I genuinely dig that rap by Lil Yachty. Actually, most of the music is pretty damn good.}

 

_{I know two people who work for WB;
One works for the main studio, and the other works for WAG; I don’t remember what either of them actually do in the company.}

_{I want to send a message to my friend;} 

_{“Do you think it’s possible for the writers at WAG to maybe not lean so heavily on self-referential humor? Do you think they could stand alone on the strength of jokes in the movie, not just the overarching property, and not lampshading the fact that everybody hates the property, that it's done better elsewhere? Can they do that?”}

 

_{Because while I enjoyed TTGTTM - How is it not more of the same at this point? It’s Lego Batman levels of referential but with a different artstyle (by one Mr. Hipp, who I followed on Tumblr way back when - Glad to see what he’s doing now, the art looked great on the big screen).}

 

_{Here's a WAG movie:}

_{Main character people hate or misunderstand.}

_{Constant references to other properties that WB owns.}

_{Jokes about how everyone hates said character.}

_{They make one friend at the end.}

 

_{I have no idea about Lego Ninjago, I didn’t see it, or Smallfoot, but at this point, I won’t be walking into WAG movies about larger franchises anymore because I know what to expect, almost down to the jokes themselves.}

 

_{Maybe it’s why I’m not super excited for The Lego Movie 2. Lego is still relatively self-contained and non-too-existing-franchisey-enough (besides Lego Bats) that it wouldn't annoy me too much, but I can't muster up the enthusiasm.}

 

_{Though at least there they would be lampshading Pratt’s work with Marvel and Universal.}

 

_{I was entertained here, but I know WAG can do better. They at least tried in Storks, even if I only laughed once ("I thought it was gentrification!") and didn't enjoy the movie as a whole.}

_{RANKING: 16/27}

Up next - Something I actually enjoyed.

[Morieris]

Crazy Rich Asians

I messed up the numbering....whatever.

 

Let me start off with, boy, it’s nice to see Sonoya Mizuno be a human being. Not a robot, or a physical, space-material embodiment of the creation of life, but a human being, albeit wearing a relatively similar material. 

 

The most prominent changes in the movies are the characters; Nick and Rachel in the novels - at least the first one - were kind of like Harry Potter in Sorcerer’s Stone; A vehicle for us to explore this world we would never be a part of.

 

While it’s (slightly) more likely for us to become unfathomably wealthy than for us to become wizards, it’s not easy.

 

I really applaud Constance Wu and Henry Golding for bringing enough charm to the characters to be down-home enough and yet personable and you want to be their friend.

 

The one big change I don’t know how I feel about is with Eleanor Young. In the books, she’s a catty, nosy person, and I loved her prying and resourcefulness there. The more I think about it, the more I appreciate the difference; There are enough people acting catty in this movie.

 

Besides, there would be something a bit off-kilter seeing Michelle Yeoh act like that. It’s just not something I can really picture.

 

Another character who was improved just by virtue of being on the screen was Astrid Leong; In the books, she comes across as sweet and kind but kind of a doormat; The movie (And Gemma Chan) does put a quiet strength behind her actions. It’s not a huge difference from the book, but it just works better here.

 

And the soundtrack is a jam; My personal favorite is “My New Swag”.

 

RANKING: 3 / 27

[Morieris]

Mandy

RIP Jóhann Jóhannson. This was a hell of a score.

 

So, while I wait for the wide release, on NYE, instead of partying with the youth, I read screenplays.

 

One of them was Destroyer, the other was BlackKklansman. All the time when I was reading the former, I kept thinking "What does this remind me of..." and it was maybe 3/4ths of the way through when I said "Oh yeah, this is like...Mandy."

 

It's unfair to compare words to an actual sound and sight experience, so I'll stop there. But Mandy was wild. Shit, just look at this poster. It's just as intense and pink and vibrant as the film, partnered with a wildly 80's score.

 

So I said with *checks* A Quiet Place that sometimes, with a plot that shakes the entire world, I need a better setup than what they gave me. But because this is a relatively within our world movie, the bits of mystery (the biker gang) are perfectly fine intruding upon this seemingly normal world. 

 

It's a glorified music video. I'd like to just chill out on my couch and watch this again.

 

RANKING: ??? / 27

This + the next two films aren't going to be ranked bc I totally forgot where I had them.

[Morieris]

The House With a Clock In Its Walls

I wasn't the only person on this forum to see it, right? Right?

There is a certain subsect of film that I love; Ones with white boys being surrounded by magic. 

 

Let’s see, you got your Harry Potter, your Artemis Fowl (quality TBD), your A Monster Calls, your Sorcerer’s Apprentice, and you would have your Eragon, Cirque Du Freak and Percy Jackson if those movies didn’t blow.

 

This movie probably would have made a killing as something that came out around when the HP movies were getting really dark, touted as an alternative for youngsters. Or be seen as an untimely knock-off trying to ride the wave.

 

Cate Blanchette is one of those actors I always enjoy seeing when she shows up, and Jack Black is an icon, let’s just admit it.  
CGI is surprisingly impressive.

 

This is a really cute, cozy movie you watch on a stormy night in fall. I hope it did well enough for a sequel.

 

I had 0 idea this was a book at all until Regal sent me a free eBook copy after seeing it. I’m reading it into the new year.

 

RANKING: ??? / 27

[Morieris]

A Star Is Born

The last movie I saw in theaters before the hurricane came by and *pop* ruined everything. Hopefully they can remodel.

Hopefully still I won't be here when they do.

 

This is another movie I had to struggle to think of anything to say; Not out of dislike for it, but because of a simple "Oh, it happened," mindset.

 

This is Bradley Cooper's first directing attempt and the pacing is very impressive to me; The time absolutely flies. ... most of the time. We could do with less montages, and Dave Chappelle's character for five minutes wasn't necessary, but it's enjoyable enough and doesn't take too much time.

 

It must be rather awkward to direct yourself. You must be a lot more critical of yourself.

 

The music is genuinely good, even if the genre is not quite your style - I like rock in this vein so I find myself humming a lot of tunes, especially "Shallows".

 

I have a feeling the movie wanted us to think the British Manager was a bad guy, but besides being a bit pushy towards Ally - he wasn't.

 

RANKING: ??? / 27

Up next; The return of actual rankings. Pity I couldn't complete this in time for the Globes, we have four movies left.

[Morieris]

Ralph Breaks The Internet 

Glad they narrowed down that title.

 

I still stand by the fact that this is better than the first movie. I like it a ton, but I never felt that the first had a coherent enough plot, it always felt too meandering, too passive.

Even though Ralph was more witty there, less here being out of his depth in this new environment.

 

You don't get "Children of the Candy Corn," you get "Wiffy". You get glorified cameos for Felix and Calhoun, and arguably Yesss as well.

 

They really have to play up the “hardcore” aspect of Slaughter Race but it’s still so Disney that…it still kind of works in an ‘old man yells at cloud’ kind of way.

 

Also, Vanellope is my favorite Disney character (I guess in the mainline canon) period, so I’m biased - and both movies really involved Ralph just fucking up her life, you ever notice that?

 

That’s actually the moral of the story; Stop bringing your friends down because of your personal abandonment issues. You should want the best for them. But this one has far bigger stakes even though this is only slightly how the internet works. This actually gives us a creepy and rather unsettling climax. Why are the climaxes for both of these movies so damn unsettling! It's wild!

 

The parallels were better than I expected but kind of fell apart with the virus part.

 

The one song is actually abysmal - Don’t need to hear Silverman sing, thank you — and my fingers are crossed it’s not getting any Oscar noms. Unless they’re going the credits song route. It still takes some time to get going, but I was just happy to see the characters again for the first 30 minutes, I can definitely see myself being bothered by it if I ever decide to rewatch this.

 

I was enjoying the film so much, I genuinely forgot that the princesses were going to show up until they did.

 

RANKING: 4/ 27

 

 

Edited January 6, 2019 by Morieris

[Morieris]

Aquaman

"What do you mean I'm supposed to roughly be in my late twenties?"

This is so funny to me.

 

This is the first DCEU film i’ve seen - Period - in full since Suicide Squad.

 

That left a bad taste in my mouth that took nearly two years to spit out.

 

The film features a strange mix of actors; People clearly a bit new at this (Momoa, Heard, Abdul-Mateen) who embody the spirit of the character better than how they act (especially A-M in the after credit scene. The rest of the movie, he’s okay.)

 

I love how Kidman was like “It’s a superhero movie, I’m playing a water Queen, cool,” and rolled with it.

 

You know, people are taking the piss out of him for taking it way too seriously, but I’m glad Patrick Wilson was like….SUPER PUMPED to be Orm - I’m sorry, OCEAN MASTER. Like…it’s Aquaman, there was always going to be an air of cornyness about it, and instead of the goofiness being on Arthur - who is goofy in another way, it’s on Orm. 

 

Didn’t need that chord the first time he said “NO….CALL ME OCEAN MASTER.” 

 

There’s no real growth for Arthur. “I’m not supposed to be king,” and …. his views don’t change. He still doesn’t think he should be King of Atlantis, but he just is at the end and we have to deal with it. I didn’t expect Orm to show the promise of more growth more than the hero.

 

The rooftop scene and fights in the quaint little old beach town was spectacular.

 

RANKING: 7/27
Next up: I hold in my hand two movies. But only one of them will be crowned Best Animated Feature at the Globes. 

[Morieris]

Isle of Dogs

Well, it wasn't this one!

 

The more I watched this movie, the more I went from “…” to “Ok, I actually enjoy…it a bit.”

 

I’m no Anderson aficionado, I’ve only seen Grand Budapest Hotel. Some of the little ‘ticks’ annoyed me, the running gags about the rumors, and having a random female character show up to talk for a minute…..pfffft. It's a glorified cameo, if you care about Scarlett Johansson I guess.

 

For the longest time, the parts with the talking dogs was not as interesting as the intrigue with the scientists, the disease, and the murder. Like…how do you do that. It took about an hour for me to genuinely get into the character`s plight, and I found myself surprised by how much I cared at the end. It looks absolutely beautiful, and I kind of wish Anderson's next movie was also stop motion. A stop motion French musical. It'd be great.

 

This is the only other real contender against the next and final film for its category. I won’t be upset if it wins, because hey, it’s beating Disney! 

 

RANKING: ??? / 27
 

[Morieris]

My best surprises absolutely nobody;

 

Spoiler

Spider-man: Into the Spiderverse

Quote

 

"Anyone can wear the mask; everyone is powerful and everyone is necessary, and that is the spirit of the movie."

 

- Peter Ramsey, the director.

 

"Alright, let’s do this one last time." 

 

I just thought this would come and go, after all, this is from the studio who gave us Hotel Transylvania 3 and The Emoji Movie. The trailer had vaguely interested me with it's bright, poppy style, but it was really the WOM that made me give it a chance.

 

My favorite movies are not the ones that are technically “the best”. They’re the ones that I relate to at a point in my life.

The difference is, Miles’ own fear of... not disappointing his family? Especially his father? Was the big obstacle, not everyone hating him ala Po in Kung Fu Panda.

The first KFP movie essentially ends with everyone else realizing that Po is fine just the way he is, and the personal growth appears in the other two movies (Which I dislike, a lot, but that’s neither here nor there).

 

This movie is insanely beautiful in its styling. It might not be for everyone, but every inch of this was realized on a visual scale.

There is consistency (And yes, some bits are out of focus in a bit of a pop-arty-3D without your glasses shot, but those are often elements in the foreground.

A criticism I’ve seen - One of the few - and kind of agree with is that the other Spider-people who aren’t Gwen or Peter B. weren’t quite fleshed out.

 

Again, kind of agree, but it doesn’t break the movie or anything. I mean, I didn’t know these Spider people existed before this! I'm not a huge Spiderman fan!

 

 Miles’ has to grow internally. Sure, Kingpin is an issue, but the real challenge is within.

It’s my mother going “Oh, look, he grew up!” during the now iconic scene that made it click for me the difference.

 

People are saying “This is the BEST Spiderman movie,” and how much of that is because they’re so tired of seeing Ben die, of Peter be a loser, of this scrawny white boy just bob around New York?

 

I don’t know, man. I’ve seen the Raimi films (and enjoyed them) and Homecoming (and enjoyed it), and I’m glad that in such a diverse city as New York, they’ve finally looked at the other Spidermen who exist.

 

I wonder if the people of Sony are looking at this going “Yes, it’s not what some call ‘culturally overbearing’, and everyone loves it.” and are looking to break the mold of what they make a bit more.

What’s next on the Sony superhero docket…..Far From Home?

Okay!

…Bloodshot? Hm. Good thing no one I love is in that movie, right?

Ha.

Ha ha.

Ha.

....oh.

_{Please don’t be bad.}

 

I had to watch this twice to decide if it was My Favorite Movie material. And I’m more than pleased to say that yes, it is.

 

Glory to the newborn king.

 

RANKING: 1 / 27 + 1 in my heart.

Something I totally didn’t expect when the year started. 

 

 

Thanks for popping along as I deviate from the BOT norm (#PeterRabbitWasGreat) Still haven't decided if I'm going to cover the stragglers here or on their own individual review topics. Probably the latter.

 

Edited January 8, 2019 by Morieris

[The Panda]

Nice list, glad I’m not the only one who loves CRA and thinks it’s a top 3 of the year movie.