Blankments' 118 Films of 2018: From the Worst To the Best

[Blankments]

It's finally here.

 

Back in the beginning of December, I decided I'd kept myself absent from these boards (barring CAYOM) to allow this. As I haven't been posting reviews as often as I used to, this is the way for me to reveal my thoughts on the films of 2018. From the best to the worst. I finally hit 118 2018 releases today and will be counting them down in this thread, from best to worst. First off, some high profile misses of mine:

 

Bandersnatch

To All The Boys I Loved Before

Mandy

Bad Times at the El Royale

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald

A Simple Favor
Tomb Raider
Beautiful Boy
Upgrade
Red Sparrow
The House That Jack Built
You Were Never Really Here
The Death of Stalin

Revenge

Support the Girls

Rampage

The Predator

Red Sparrow

Private Life

They Shall Not Grow Old

 

This list will encompass every piece of cinema that would qualify as a 2018 release in it, starting with some hardcore negativity and ending with effusive praise. Let's get cracking and acknowledge the year that was 2018.

 

The list so far:

 

118.

 Duck Duck Goose

117. Show Dogs

116. Bohemian Rhapsody

115. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

114. Bushworld Adventures

113. I Kill Giants

112. Dog Days

111. Once Upon a Deadpool

110. Book Club

109. Annihilation

108. The Nutcracker and the Four Realms

107. The Late Batsby

106. Early Man

105. The Front Runner

104. Green Book

103. Tag

102. Surfer: Teen Confronts Fear

101. Hereditary

100. Sgt. Stubby: An American Hero

99. Sicario: Day of the Soldado

98. Suspiria

97. Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation

96. Vice

95. Action Point

94. The Meg

93. The Christmas Chronicles

92. Smallfoot

91. The Commuter

Edited February 1, 2019 by Blankments

[rukaio101]

I hope you are aware I have called my lawyers and am preparing to sue.

[Blankments]

118. Duck Duck Goose

 

 

Directed by Chris Jenkins.

Starring Jim Gaffigan, Zendaya, Lance Lim, Greg Proops, Natasha Leggero, Stephen Fry, Craig Ferguson and Carl Reiner.

Release date: July 20, 2018

Runtime: 91 minutes

 

 

We’re starting at the absolute worst film. Duck Duck Goose is ugly and generic. Not a single joke lands and the voice-acting, don’t get me started. The jokes are inappropriate for kids in their maturity yet way too immature to entertain an adult. This movie reeks in every sense.

[Blankments]

2 minutes ago, rukaio101 said:

I hope you are aware I have called my lawyers and am preparing to sue.

can we settle outside of court please?

[Blankments]

117. Show Dogs

 

 

Directed by Raja Gosnell.
Starring Will Arnett, Chris “Ludacris” Bridges, Natasha Lyonne, Jordin Sparks, Gabriel Iglesias, Shaquille O’Neal, Omar Chapparo and Stanley Tucci.
Release date: May 18, 2018
Runtime: 92 minutes
 

 

Not the worst film of the year only because of some nice “obnoxious-core” elements. Still, this is very very bad and seems like it’s a DTV from the early 2000s for most of its runtime. Shout-out to the moments when Ludacris’s character yells “This is ludicrous!” while calling Will Arnett’s character LEGO Batman in the same scene. I wish I wasn’t impressed by the mediocrity here.

[rukaio101]

6 minutes ago, Blankments said:

can we settle outside of court please?

Well, I was just making a joke about you stealing my format, but if you have any actual money then yes, we can do that..

[Blankments]

116. Bohemian Rhapsody

 

 

Directed by Bryan Singer and an uncredited Dexter Fletcher.
Starring Rami Malek, Lucy Boynton, Gwilym Lee, Ben Hardy, Joe Mazzello, Aidan Gillen, Tom Hollander and Mike Myers.
Release date: November 2, 2018
Runtime: 134 minutes
 

 

I know that people hate this because of Bryan Singer’s status as a sexual predator but let me be clear: even if this was 100% directed by Dexter Fletcher, this would be a bad movie. It’s simultaneously safe and annoying, never really capturing what caused Freddie Mercury to become the phenomenon he was. It fast-forwards through interesting parts of Queen’s history and spends way too much time on shit that doesn’t matter. Even the famed Malek performance feels like an SNL impression for most of the film’s runtime. God, I really was not a fan of this in any way; the awards praise it has gotten totally baffles me.

[Blankments]

115. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

 

 

Directed by J. A. Bayona.

Starring Chris Pratt, Bryce Dallas Howard, Rafe Spall, Toby Jones, Ted Levine, BD Wong, Justice Smith, Daniella Pineda, James Cromwell, Geraldine Chaplin, Isabella Sermon and Jeff Goldblum.
Release date: June 22, 2018

Runtime: 128 minutes

 

 

Somehow, this managed to be worse than the first film. Outside of an inspired setpiece involving a sinking ride pod, I was annoyed by the cynicism here with the unlikable characters and disregard to proper story structure. I do wanna shout-out Rafe Spall here though. His performance is bizarre and feels like a Ryan Reynolds impression in a truly WTF way. I thought it was hilariously bad, something the rest of the film could’ve definitely used more of.

[Blankments]

114. Bushworld Adventures

 

 

Directed by Michael Cusack.

Starring Michael Cusack.
Release date: April 1, 2018

Runtime:  11 minutes

 

 

This was a short that aired on April Fools Day on Adult Swim where the whole point was to troll the audience. That’s fine and dandy but I’d like to be trolled something at least somewhat funny in some way. This totally baffled me and I wasn’t really a fan tbh. Sorry.

[Blankments]

113. I Kill Giants

 

 

Directed by Anders Waller.

Starring Madison Wolfe, Imogen Poots, Sydney Wade, Rory Jackson and Zoe Saldana.
Release date: March 23, 2018

Runtime: 106 minutes

 

 

A Monster Calls did the same plot better and I didn’t even like A Monster Calls. This was slow and unnecessary. I watched this with a friend on her couch and she was totally into it despite saying she had already seen A Monster Calls. This had bad acting, mediocre direction and just felt so obnoxious to me. Worst of all, I definitely confused this with a movie with Brie Larson as she wasn’t in the final product at all. Even with her, I don’t think this could’ve been saved.

[Blankments]

112. Dog Days

 

 

Directed by Ken Marino.

Starring Nina Dobrev, Vanessa Hudgens, Adam Pally, Eva Longoria, Rob Corddry, Tone Bell, Jon Bass, Michael Cassidy, Thomas Lennon, Tig Notaro, Finn Wolfhard and Ron Cephas Jones.
Release date: August 8, 2018

Runtime: 113 minutes

 

 

I saw this one with my mom. Instead of harping on the negatives, I’d like to talk about the one positive in this movie. Ron Cephas Jones gives a truly marvelous performance that is way too above the hackneyed material given to him and everyone else in the overqualified cast. This is your average dog ensemble movie, and I really don’t understand why these are still a major thing. Then again, my mom liked it for the most part, so maybe that’s the explanation. At least I got to see a bizarre Michael Strahan/Kelly Ripa romance fanfic play out on the big screen!

[Blankments]

111. Once Upon a Deadpool

 

 

Directed by David Leitch.

Starring Ryan Reynolds, Josh Brolin, Morena Baccarin, Julian Dennison, Zazie Beetz, T.J. Miller, Brianna Hildebrand, Jack Kesy and Fred Savage.
Release date: December 12, 2018.

Runtime: 116 minutes.

 

 

Deadpool 2 will be much higher on this list, don’t worry. This though? Hardly a movie. I get it, it was a stop-gap to fill up Fox’s suddenly empty Christmas frame while also allowing Deadpool to get a China release and proceeds went to charity and all… But this is barely a movie. The only good part was the Stan Lee tribute. The action is chopped to pieces and the jokes don’t fare much better. It’s a horrible way to rewatch Deadpool 2, barely making sense on its own.

[Blankments]

110. Book Club

 

 

Directed by Bill Holderman.

Starring Diane Keaton, Jane Fonda, Candice Bergen and Mary Steenburgen.
Release date: May 18, 2018

Runtime:  103 minutes

 

 

God, I was so bored during this. Like sure, there’s a few likable presences (Mary Steenburgen and Craig T. Nelson exclusively for me), but it’s all hackneyed jokes that are barely strung together. This isn’t necessarily bad as it is painfully mediocre. I understand the audience for this but it definitely was not me.

[Blankments]

109. Annihilation

 

 

Directed by Alex Garland.

Starring Natalie Portman, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Gina Rodriguez, Tessa Thompson, Tuva Novotny and Oscar Isaac.
Release date: February 23, 2018

Runtime: 115 minutes

 

 

If the last twenty minutes was a short film, that short film could’ve very well made my top 30. Unfortunately, the delightfully trippy third act is preceded by an hour and a half of terrible dialogue and characters I was rooting to die for. The only person to give a decent performance is Leigh and even she grew tiring to me. The film over-explains everything and just felt silly to me in its stakes. I didn’t think it’d be possible for Garland to make a film I disliked more than Ex Machina but somehow he pulled it off. Congrats, I guess.

[Blankments]

108. The Nutcracker and the Four Realms

 

 

Directed by Lasse Hallstrom and Joe Johnston.

Starring Keira Knightley, Mackenzie Foy, Eugenio Derbez, Matthew Macfadyen, Richard E. Grant, Misty Copeland, Helen Mirren and Morgan Freeman.
Release date: November 2, 2018

Runtime: 99 minutes

 

 

Garishly ugly. A film that definitely didn’t need to exist as Disney has so many other properties worth exploiting before making a big budget Nutcracker movie. The best part is the credits which is a beautifully shot ballet sequence. The bookends are nice in a Narnia-esque way but then the rest of the film feels like that too. Derivative and disgusting, hard to imagine anyone really liking this one.

[Blankments]

107. The Late Batsby

 

 

Directed by Lauren Faust and Jean Kluska.

Starring Tara Strong, Grey DeLisle, Nicole Sullivan and John de Lancie.
Release date: July 27, 2018

Runtime: 4 minutes

 

 

Please don’t open your movie with a “short” that’s really just marketing a new TV show. Just as soon as this seems to begin, it smash-cuts to credits leaving me to wonder who would watch this and go “oh, gee I can’t wait for this new TV show where there are going to be no superhero fights, just dumb jokes.” Blah.

[Blankments]

106. Early Man

 

 

Directed by Nick Park.

Starring Eddie Redmayne, Tom Hiddleston, Maisie Williams and Timothy Spall.
Release date: February 16, 2018

Runtime: 87 minutes

 

 

The premise of a stone age caveman ending up the bronze age is brilliant. I acted in a play once with the same idea and it was funny, heartfelt and something I was legit so proud to be a part of. This however squanders that brilliant idea on a bunch of soccer puns and a sports movie parody. Are there funny parts? A couple, and Tom Hiddleston gave a very good vocal performance but… it just feels so hackneyed and cheesy when it didn’t need to be. Disappointing as hell.

[Blankments]

105. The Front Runner

 

 

Directed by Jason Reitman.

Starring Hugh Jackman, Vera Farmiga, J. K. Simmons and Alfred Molina.
Release date: November 6, 2018

Runtime: 113 minutes

 

 

This film and the next one are both extremely problematic Oscar contenders of this year. This one only gets the lower spot because it’s so boring to watch and features nothing really quality. The biggest joy while watching this is seeing one of the campaign managers remind me of how a friend looks. It also kinda puts forth the idea that freedom of the press directly caused Trump to be elected?? What the actual fuck movie? This is mediocre with horrific messaging.

[Blankments]

104. Green Book

 

 

Directed by Peter Farrelly.

Starring Viggo Mortensen, Mahershala Ali and Linda Cardellini.
Release date: November 16, 2018

Runtime: 130 minutes

 

 

One might argue this is worse than The Front Runner simply because it is watchable. Whereas that film is much more upfront about its issues, Green Book is a perfectly amicable watch with a decent performance by Ali in it. Other people have dissected why Green Book is a mess in how it deals with racial politics, so I won’t go into here other than saying I agree with @rukaio101's rant-view in RTM entirely. Still, I will say one thing: the shot of Viggo eating the pizza in bed is still seared in my mind.

Edited February 1, 2019 by Blankments

[Blankments]

103. Tag

 

 

Directed by Jeff Tomsic.

Starring Ed Helms, Jake Johnson, Annabelle Wallis, Hannibal Buress, Isla Fisher, Rashida Jones, Leslie Bibb, Jon Hamm and Jeremy Renner.
Release date: June 15, 2018

Runtime: 101 minutes

 

 

Okay, apparently it became a bit of a meme in the Telegram group that I hate this movie because of the miscarriage jokes. Let me be clear, I still think those jokes are horrifically misjudged and not funny. But even if this film didn’t have those, it’d still be unfunny and full of forced drama. This is just a typical bad studio comedy with a much better cast than they usually get. I didn’t like this before the miscarriage jokes and with them? Well, I hate it.