Blankments' 118 Films of 2018: From the Worst To the Best

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102. Surfer: Teen Confronts Fear

 

 

Directed by Douglas Burke.

Starring Sage Burke, Douglas Burke, Nick Snyder and Gerald James.
Release date: February 16, 2018

Runtime: 98 minutes

 

 

This movie is incredible. I cannot, in good conscience, put it higher than spot #102, but let me just say this movie does The Room better than The Room. A similar passion-project that became a disasterpiece, this was one of the funniest movies of the last year in how bad it was. Now, seeing its technically inept and a very bad movie, it’s low on the list, but rest assured: if you like so bad it’s good movies (@Christmas baumer), I highly recommend this one. It’s very awesome!

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101. Hereditary

 

 

Directed by Ari Aster.

Starring Toni Collette, Alex Wolff, Milly Shapiro, Ann Dowd and Gabriel Byrne.
Release date: June 8, 2018

Runtime: 127 minutes

 

 

This is a very funny movie. Steve is incredible in it as the one sane man. Wait, what’s that? It’s meant to be a horror movie? Then why is it never scary? Why is it full of characters that all I want to do is see them die after the first scene with them (Steve being the rare exception)? Y’all can call this arthouse horror, but unlike The Witch or It Follows, this is never remotely scary and indulges in the same tropes as most bad horror movies. The only difference between those and Hereditary though is at least most bad horror movies don’t have their head stuck up their ass. Terrible movie.

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100. Sgt. Stubby: An American Hero

 

 

Directed by Richard Lanni

Starring Logan Lerman, Helena Bonham Carter and Gérard Depardieu.
Release date: April 13, 2018

Runtime:  84 minutes

 

 

I don’t really hate this more than recognize it’s not really aimed towards me at all. There are charming moments here and there but ultimately, these 84 minutes drag so much. The ugly animation and cursory plotting of the human characters is tiring to an adult, although I’m certain this would play well for kids in a museum. As an actual piece of entertainment though… yikes.

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99. Sicario: Day of the Soldado

 

 

Directed by Stefano Sollima.

Starring Benicio del Toro, Josh Brolin, Isabela Moner, Jeffrey Donovan, Manuel Garcia-Rulfo and Catherine Keener.
Release date: June 29, 2018

Runtime: 122 minutes

 

 

Not even going to touch the politics of this movie, it’s just plain boring. I’m not too big on the original film but I recognize it as well-crafted and with good performances. This just feels pulpy without the actual desire to embrace it. It also seemingly works against the characters of the first film; without Blunt as a moral compass, the co-leads of this start to acquire sympathetic qualities that feel bizarre after their cold efficiency in the first film. This is Taylor Sheridan’s first outright miss for me.

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98. Suspiria

 

 

Directed by Luca Guadagnino.

Starring Dakota Johnson, Tilda Swinton, Mia Goth, Angela Winkler, Ingrid Caven, Elena Fokina, Sylvie Testud, Renée Soutendijk, Christine LeBoutte, Fabrizia Sacchi, Malgosia Bela, Jessica Harper and Chloë Grace Moretz.
Release date: October 26, 2018

Runtime: 153 minutes

 

 

Yeah… this is one I was legitimately enjoying for a bit despite the disturbing aspects, but eventually, it just became too much. This is the rare bad movie to me that I totally understand why it has its fans. For me though, it’s indulgent, sickening and disquieting. I know these are all intentional responses the film is trying to grab from me, but I felt dirty after watching it and I really did not like that at all. Also, it’s too long!

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97. Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation

 

 

Directed by Genndy Tartakovsky.

Starring Adam Sandler, Andy Samberg, Selena Gomez, Kevin James, David Spade, Steve Buscemi, Keegan-Michael Key, Molly Shannon, Fran Drescher, Kathryn Hahn, Jim Gaffigan and Mel Brooks.
Release date: July 13, 2018

Runtime: 97 minutes

 

 

Not a big fan of this franchise and this didn’t change anything. The outright cartoony humor works in shorts but without a character arc or some form of pathos to ground it, I just can’t care about anything. This felt too long and as fun as some of the jokes were, by the end of it, I was excited to leave the theater.

Edited February 1, 2019 by Blankments

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96. Vice

 

 

Directed by Adam McKay.

Starring Christian Bale, Amy Adams, Steve Carell, Sam Rockwell, Tyler Perry, Alison Pill, Lily Rabe and Jesse Plemons.
Release date: December 25, 2018

Runtime: 132 minutes

 

 

Ooh boy. This is a divisive film and seeing where it landed for me, you can probably tell which side of the argument I’m on. This is an angry movie which is fine, but in its anger, it lashes out on audience far too much. The Big Short’s douchiness worked mainly because of the stereotype of Wall Street being ran by assholes, and besides Gosling, everyone else in that movie had some form of sympathy. I know the point of Vice is that Dick Cheney isn’t sympathetic, but it’s characterization of him is confused and the condescending nature of the film doesn’t help. It skips over stuff I legitimately didn’t understand to hammer in a theory I understood before going to the movie. He’s vice president for less than half the runtime and the stuff preceding it doesn’t add to the point of the film at all. Steve Carell’s performance is horrible! And don’t get me started on Jesse Plemons’ “character”... I didn’t like this outside of a couple of performances and one really good joke, but the negatives stick out more than the positives. By the time the tone-deaf post credits scene rolls around, I was left with one question: why didn’t I just stay home and watch a Fast and Furious movie instead?

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95. Action Point

 

 

Directed by Tim Kirkby.

Starring Johnny Knoxville and Chris Pontius.
Release date: June 1, 2018

Runtime: 85 minutes

 

 

Over-hated. This isn’t particularly great or even good, but there’s a decent enough of impressive stunts to offset the sense of humor I wasn’t big on. Also, I’m gonna be a hormonal monster right now and say this is the first movie in a long time where I left it thinking “damn, this movie had someone HOT in it.” I know this isn’t the in-depth analysis you want from me on Action Point but I just wrote way too much on Vice; let me gush over how much I wanna date Brigitte Lundy-Paine.

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94. The Meg

 

 

Directed by Jon Turteltaub.

Starring Jason Statham, Li Bingbing, Rainn Wilson, Ruby Rose, Winston Chao and Cliff Curtis.
Release date: August 10, 2018

Runtime: 113 minutes

 

 

Boring!! There’s some cool stuff here but it never fully commits to the schlock fest it clearly wants to be. The third act goes on way, way, way too long and Dwight is more obnoxious than serviceable comic relief. It’s a decent way to kill the end of your summer, but let’s be clear: this is the rare movie I was struggling to stay awake during.

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93. The Christmas Chronicles

 

 

Directed by Clay Kaytis.

Starring Kurt Russell, Judah Lewis, Darby Camp, Lamorne Morris, Kimberly Williams-Paisley and Oliver Hudson.
Release date: November 22, 2018

Runtime: 104 minutes

 

 

Kurt Russell is a boss. He kept me engaged in this movie way more than I thought I would’ve. Granted, about an hour into it, he gets separated from the main group and it became the boring Netflix movie I thought it was going to be. There’s some fun cheese here and there, but Kurt Russell is the only reason to watch this, and I wanted more of him.

 

(Also, I forgot to include the Hallmark movie I watched with my mom, Small Town Christmas! Oh well. Rest assured it would’ve fallen somewhere around here anyway.)

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92. Smallfoot

 

 

Directed by Karey Kirkpatrick.

Starring Channing Tatum, James Corden, Zendaya, Common, LeBron James, Danny DeVito, Gina Rodriguez, Yara Shahidi, Ely Henry and Jimmy Tatro.
Release date: September 28, 2018

Runtime: 96 minutes

 

 

This came alive during the musical sequences but when they weren’t singing and dancing, it’s a hella generic animated movie. I still want a musical with Channing Tatum after this, but really, this is entertainment merely for kids. The jokes really don’t hit at all and there’s a lot of obnoxious-core elements here that never hit the ironic aspects to make it enjoyable. I can’t say I’m angry I saw it, but this was super disappointing.

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91. The Commuter

 

 

Directed by Jaume Collet-Serra.

Starring Liam Neeson, Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson, Jonathan Banks and Sam Neill.
Release date: January 12, 2018

Runtime: 105 minutes

 

 

A solid but forgettable Liam Neeson action flick. Yes, in the 90s and we’re already reaching stuff I’d give the almighty title of “decent” to. 2018 was a good year. I don’t remember much from this outside of the guitar fight but it entertained me enough when I saw it but I have absolutely zero desire to watch it again and remember being like “Huh, okay. Could’ve waited for TNT for that.”

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90. Like Father

 

 

Directed by Lauren Miller Rogen.

Starring Kristen Bell, Kelsey Grammer and Seth Rogen.
Release date: August 3, 2018

Runtime:  98 minutes

 

 

Another forgettable flick on the countdown, this felt like a nice commercial for a cruise. It coasts by on the chemistry of its leads but it feels a lot longer than an hour and a half. Very generic in a ton of ways but hey, it's not offensively done. It's just kinda dull.

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89. Juliet, Naked

 

 

Directed by Jesse Perez.

Starring Rose Byrne, Ethan Hawke and Chris O’Dowd.
Release date: August 17, 2018

Runtime: 105 minutes

 

 

I'm a sucker for romcoms, but this was very disappointing. Its biggest flaw is that it's much more interested in the two men than it is in Rose Byrne, who is infinitely more funny and charming than the other two in this. This isn't to say I don't like Hawke and O'Dowd, but Byrne's character is underserved by the script, which for the most part is just a typical look at fan entitlement and sad rockers. Still, there were charming bits but this could've been loads better.

Edited February 7, 2019 by Blankments

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88. Solo: A Star Wars Story

 

 

Directed by Ron Howard.

Starring Alden Ehrenreich, Woody Harrelson, Emilia Clarke, Donald Glover, Thandie Newton and Paul Bettany.
Release date: May 25, 2018

Runtime: 135 minutes

 

 

Here it is. Resisting the urge to talk about the potential Lord/Miller version, this is just – you guessed it – dull. The positive aspects are Ehrenreich’s performance which somehow feels distinctly Han while not being a Harrison Ford impression, John Powell’s delightful score, and the bits with Chewie. The action is nothing new and generally, it just has a feeling of been-there-done-that. This desperately needed something to elevate the mediocre script or even just a whole scale rewrite. The definition of a mediocre blockbuster.

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87. Bird Box

 

 

Directed by Susanne Bier.

Starring Sandra Bullock, Trevante Rhodes, John Malkovich and Daniel Macdonald.
Release date: December 14, 2018

Runtime: 124 minutes

 

 

Kinda like Annihilation where the bad dialogue totally took me out of the film, but this had more actually tense sequences to make up for it. The cast is ridiculously stacked for the mediocre story being told, but it's a fun b-movie, albeit one that ruins itself by being told in anachronic order. Wanted more Sarah Paulson but come on, when isn't that a complaint?

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86. A Private War

 

 

Directed by Matthew Heineman.

Starring Rosamund Pike, Jamie Dornan, Tom Hollander and Stanley Tucci.
Release date: November 2, 2018

Runtime: 110 minutes

 

 

A very solid, if average, biopic becomes a message film in its last half hour. I can say I like that on paper but in actuality it destroys the entire film, making the story of a woman’s life into an indictment of a war leaving to wonder why it just wasn’t a movie on the Syrian conflict. Rosamund Pike is good though along with the cinematography. This just came off as typical Oscar bait sadly.

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85. Ralph Breaks the Internet

 

 

Directed by Rich Moore and Phil Johnston.

Starring John C. Reilly, Sarah Silverman, Gal Gadot, Taraji P. Henson, Jack McBrayer, Jane Lynch, Alan Tudyk, Alfred Molina and Ed O’Neill.
Release date: November 21, 2018

Runtime: 112 minutes

 

 

It’s ambitious for your animated sequel to go “Hey, that first movie? Yeah, it actually severely fucked up the main character’s life and morality!” but I’m not sure if it really works. Ralph is totally unlikable and it’s obvious the movie should belong to Vanellope. The actual film itself is disjointed as hell, only really coming together for an absolutely INSANE climax which sadly goes into emotional beats that don’t work. Bill Hader the MVP and he wasn’t even credited. Most disappointing WDAS release since Big Hero 6.

Edited February 7, 2019 by Blankments

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84. Long Way Back Home

 

 

Directed by Jeff Nichols.

Starring Michael Shannon, Garett Hedlund, Scoot McNairy and Paul Sparks.
Release date: August 21, 2018

Runtime: 8 minutes

 

 

Not much to say here. It’s a solid short that’s well-done but there’s not enough here for me to grab onto. In a word, forgettable; sorry Jeff Nichols.

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83. Venom

 

 

Directed by Ruben Fleischer.

Starring Tom Hardy, Michelle Williams, Riz Ahmed, Scott Haze and Reid Scott.
Release date: October 5, 2018

Runtime: 112 minutes

 

 

Okay, remember Surfer: Teen Confronts Fear? This is the big budget version of that. This means it’s a lot more watchable but doesn’t get as bizarre. What does it have in it’s favor though is Tom Hardy, who makes every scene bizarre, enjoyable and a truly memorable installment in the superhero genre. There’s dumb plot jumps, horrifically poorly shot action and a general feeling of obligation, but when you get Tom Hardy jumping in a lobster tank with the symbiote calling himself a loser, who can really complain? A very fun bad movie; some certain other superhero movies could take lessons from this.