Ezen Baklattan Posted March 24, 2019 Share Posted March 24, 2019 Way to keep the suspense railing, @Xillix. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xillix Posted March 24, 2019 Author Share Posted March 24, 2019 Just now, Spaghetti said: Way to keep the suspense railing, @Xillix. I got like a third of the way through it then something came up that took me afk. When I finally got back I was like... nah 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blankments Posted March 24, 2019 Share Posted March 24, 2019 yup lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xillix Posted March 27, 2019 Author Share Posted March 27, 2019 oh right im supposed to read stuff 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xillix Posted March 27, 2019 Author Share Posted March 27, 2019 MARCH, PART 2: THE QUICKENING The Epsilon Syndicate: Union of Thieves It's definitely a fun early-year blockbuster, one of the better bets for popcorn-munching spectacle on the calendar. The performances and effects are generally solid and it has a likeable sense of wit. It's also highly derivative, and the plot isn't strung together as well as it could have been. Convenient revelations and plot turns happen a bit too frequently and abruptly, and the mystery surrounding the main character's family is mishandled so that it's neither particularly mysterious nor emotionally engaging - it feels like by the time her true parentage even becomes an issue it's solved in the very next scene. Still a very solid way to kill a couple hours, though. Artifacts: Zephyr's Crest Now I need to apologize for calling Epsilon derivative because boy oh boy. The prologue alone is kind of offensive in how blatantly it Xeroxes iconic scenes from much better films. The performances are fine, including from Constance Wu and Hailee Steinfeld, who just shared the screen in another action-adventure a month ago in a remarkable coincidence. Even though there's not an original bone in its body, it's an agreeable enough adventure flick for young kids with a decent smattering of humor and action. Parents and older siblings will likely balk at its mish-mashed plot and some poor editing, though, so it's not likely to become a family favorite. Crusader Firstly, it's kind of hard to set aside how bad it looks to have Liam Neeson star as a literal crusader in a major motion picture so soon after his revelations about his own real-life racist crusade in his younger years. The entire plot takes on... interesting significance in light of that context. Otherwise, though, this is a pretty solid historical action-adventure with some surprisingly successful dramatic and emotional elements. It's a well made film and easily the pick of the month for audiences seeking more serious, mature entertainment. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted March 27, 2019 Share Posted March 27, 2019 Spoiler To be fair, regarding Nadine's parents, it's probably something that could have used a bit more development, but her parents being villains and having barely known them was probably why Nadine didn't hold it against Madame Y that she murdered them. In all honestly, she needed time to process it. And ultimately, it wasn't her forgiveness that had her return for the climax, but rather the desire to simply get the job done. Future sequels will go into her family history a bit more. Speaking of, rest assured, the sequels and plots will get way, WAY weirder. Part of the reason I was unsure about writing this for so long was because I didn't feel like I had an amazing hook for a relatively outlandish plot. I decided to start with something kinda simple so that we could focus on introducing the world and characters first, (and there's also a likely in-universe excuse that Madame Y wouldn't try to set Nadine up on a mission that's too outlandish if it's her first time.) I get the issue with it being somewhat derivative (You're not the first to bring it up) but I'm going to make an active effort to move away from this in the sequels. That could still be enough to end up in the top 10 so I'll take it. (Also the same rating as Spark: Rising, to the point where even the reviews read similarly, so...yay?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xillix Posted March 31, 2019 Author Share Posted March 31, 2019 (edited) @Spaghetti So I assume you changed Emily's name to Molly at some point in Best Friends? Was pretty confused there for a second. Er, and also Charlie to Kevin? Edited March 31, 2019 by Xillix Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 1 minute ago, Xillix said: @Spaghetti So I assume you changed Emily's name to Molly at some point in Best Friends? Was pretty confused there for a second. Er, and also Charlie to Kevin? Molly was played by Emily Blunt, and Kevin was played by Charlie Day in the 2.0 draft. Blame my idiotic 17-year old ass when I wrote it. 😕 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xillix Posted March 31, 2019 Author Share Posted March 31, 2019 APRIL Miserable Fans It's somewhat reminiscent of By the Balls, and yet actually more tone-deaf. Attempts at social commentary are abundant, but also clumsy, jarring, and unfunny. The whole thing is a poorly-strung-together series of misfortunes involving a cast of paper-thin caricatures. The title could be said to describe fans of Blankments Productions after sitting through this thing. Veggies in the Rain: A VeggieTales Movie A pretty bizarre remake of the classic musical that combines historical revisionism with... animated Christian vegetables. Not only does the replacement of the transition to talkies with some imaginary push to "secularize" the 1920s film industry make little sense on its own, it doesn't fit the borrowed story at all. It's not, at least, offensive, dogmatic, bigoted propaganda like a lot of so-called "Christian films." It's just confusing and sloppy with a serious disconnect between its story and its intended message. Birds I like birds. It'd be nice if someone put some actual effort into a nature documentary at some point, though. Best Friends A predictable and inessential, but good-hearted and mildly amusing dramadey. Honestly feels more like a rainy night Netflix candidate than a major theatrical attraction, but it's decent entertainment nonetheless. Green Lantern Corps: Rise of the Manhunters First things first - this movie is way, way too long, crammed to the point of bursting with a lot of sequences and elements that could and should have absolutely been cut. It plays out more like a self-ingulgent "special edition" of the kind you might find on a Blu-ray release, targeted purely to hardcore fans. The overload is severe enough that getting through the whole thing frequently feels like a slog. And that's a shame, because a lot of the movie is actually pretty solid in a vacuum. The action is very well-choreographed, the effects are spectacular, the production design is striking, and the film overall meets an extremely high technical standard. But it can be hard to enjoy all the blockbuster spectacle when it feels almost like homework - and the ensemble cast gets the short end of the stick, with so many characters and cameos jammed in that none of them get to shine the way they should. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YM! Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YM! Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 Going to be honest, I do think it needed to be trimmed quite a bit. But you know there’s always room for improvement and something I’m keeping in mind for number two. I know for a fact Medusa and Artifacts scores are as good as they’re going to get from you for my films as I have a gut feeling you’re going to dislike Splatoon, Static Shock and probably Squirrel Girl. I’m just hoping for mercy. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xillix Posted March 31, 2019 Author Share Posted March 31, 2019 8 minutes ago, YourMother the Edgelord said: Going to be honest, I do think it needed to be trimmed quite a bit. But you know there’s always room for improvement and something I’m keeping in mind for number two. I know for a fact Medusa and Artifacts scores are as good as they’re going to get from you for my films as I have a gut feeling you’re going to dislike Splatoon, Static Shock and probably Squirrel Girl. I’m just hoping for mercy. Eh, never know until I read 'em. I watched the Static Shock cartoon as a kid. Who knows if that'll help or hurt ya, haha. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blankments Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 i think comparing miserable fans to by the balls is by far the most insulting thing you've said about the latter film lmao 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YM! Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 4 minutes ago, Xillix said: Eh, never know until I read 'em. I watched the Static Shock cartoon as a kid. Who knows if that'll help or hurt ya, haha. Splatoon is basically a GameVerse film, and due to it’s humor, I am not sure you’ll dig TUSG. Static Shock is a maybe though. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 1 hour ago, Xillix said: Green Lantern Corps: Rise of the Manhunters First things first - this movie is way, way too long, crammed to the point of bursting with a lot of sequences and elements that could and should have absolutely been cut. It plays out more like a self-ingulgent "special edition" of the kind you might find on a Blu-ray release, targeted purely to hardcore fans. The overload is severe enough that getting through the whole thing frequently feels like a slog. And that's a shame, because a lot of the movie is actually pretty solid in a vacuum. The action is very well-choreographed, the effects are spectacular, the production design is striking, and the film overall meets an extremely high technical standard. But it can be hard to enjoy all the blockbuster spectacle when it feels almost like homework - and the ensemble cast gets the short end of the stick, with so many characters and cameos jammed in that none of them get to shine the way they should. Can't wait for you to review One Punch Man... (Me inside right now) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 You know, I’m almost grateful to have made it out with a 3.5 now... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 I could truly see you go either way regarding TLBH. Any chance reviews come today for May? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xillix Posted April 1, 2019 Author Share Posted April 1, 2019 7 hours ago, Spaghetti said: I could truly see you go either way regarding TLBH. Any chance reviews come today for May? Since it is no longer the day it was in this post I can safely say "no." Hopefully the new today. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xillix Posted April 1, 2019 Author Share Posted April 1, 2019 Honestly too tired today to read things through and grade 'em fairly. May will have to be either late after a nap or tomorrow. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xillix Posted April 2, 2019 Author Share Posted April 2, 2019 MAY Two Lonely Bounty Hunters A slight improvement over its predecessor, this family action-comedy nonetheless repeats a lot of the same mistakes. The focus is very much on the laughs, so that the plot remains fairly threadbare and hole-filled and the attempts at character development aren't quite as deep as they could be. It's still a fun time at the movies though, especially for the preteen crowd. The Drowsy Chaperone Maybe this all worked better on the stage, but as it is this is a pretty mediocre throwback musical with a distracting framing device, unremarkable songs, and an uninteresting plot. The cast is top-notch but they're just wasting their time - and the audience's. Call of Duty: Of Their Own Accord Another overblown gung-ho blow-'em-up with delusions of grandeur. There are too many uninteresting characters, derivative plot points, and video game missions crammed into its runtime. It's difficult if not impossible to just go along for the ride and enjoy the explosive mayhem, and the dramatic elements simply don't work. I guess this was probably a more engaging story when you were playing along over the course of several hours and had a hand in things. Stripped of its interactivity and condensed down to feature film length, it's a nigh-unwatchable mess. It gets a half-star bump over the first film because the plot at least has more interesting ideas and the R rating means the target audience isn't cheated with sanitized plastic action figure violence. Gold Diggers It's not very funny - no surprise given the actors and director involved - but there's at least a moderately engaging skeleton of a plot, "borrowed" as it is. It's an inoffensively bad comedy of interest only to Sandler's bewilderingly large fan base. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
