Blanked Out Reviews, Y5

[YM!]

1 minute ago, Blankments said:

it’s not possible for volcanos in the Himalayas to, well, exist.

Yeah, we’re going to see it get more ridiculous as it continues.

[Ezen Baklattan]

I admit that the derivative kind of plot (you definitely weren't the only person to criticize that factor) for it was part of the big reason it almost got cancelled. I didn't really like the idea as I developed it, which was why I was at one point tempted to scratch the series, but I ultimately decided to stop trying to find something better and just through with it, which was kind of why I tried to compensate regarding the style and a few plot twists. However, the fact that I did ultimately manage to stick a landing with the world (again, assuming it doesn't flop) means that there's more room to play around with the plot in future installments, now that I was able to set the basic ground rules. I'm still proud of it, but I think I could have given it a bit more of an intriguing premise if I gave it more time.

 

In other words, Union of Thieves will walk so that the sequels can run.

 

Spoiler

Also don't worry I'll get rid of the chapter setup in the sequels.  

 

[YM!]

I’m nervous how you’ll react to GLC as although it’s fun it is very overstuffed.

[Rorschach]

6 minutes ago, YourMother the Edgelord said:

I’m nervous how you’ll react to GLC as although it’s fun it is very overstuffed.

I’ve already accepted the fact that I’m gonna get grilled on One Punch Man so you’re not alone there 😂

[Blankments]

April

Veggies in the Rain: A VeggieTales Movie – I was more than a bit confused here. Petunia is usually shipped with Larry, not Bob. Anyway, the premise here is honestly gold, but it falls into a pure remake of Singin’ in the Rain rather than actually addressing the current faith-based film industry and secularization. I was disappointed, but also… I got nostalgia, so that was nice! 2.5/5

 

Birds – I like Michael Keaton and John Williams, I don’t like them wasting their time on generic docs. 1.5/5

 

Steel Streaks – the choice of Rob Marshall to direct this is one of the most baffling I’ve seen in this game. This is a very smart, subtle movie and having Marshall, who has done none of that, direct is bizarre. I also thought the ending was a bit too abrupt for my pleasure, although I understand why it was that way. That said, this is excellent blockbuster filmmaking, with great setpieces, a winning ensemble and a decent amount to chew on. It’s the type of smart original filmmaking we should be trumpeting at every opportunity. 4/5 (would’ve been a 4.5/5 with a different director, sorry Xillix, but Marshall really makes no sense for a film like this that needs an excellent director for both the action and the drama.)

 

Deeper – this had a really neat setup that devolved into a generic monster horror, albeit one with cool mutant slugs. Still, I’d rather had had a tense drama about trying to figure out the credit card charges on vacation than this. 2.5/5

 

Best Friends – a nice, sweet dramedy anchored by the cast and well-thought-out characters. Very good! 4/5

 

Green Lantern Corps: Rise of the Manhunters – there was a point where I was thinking I was nearing the end and there was still twelve pages left. This is overplotted and somewhat derivative, with sophomoric humor, a lack of structure, inconsistent characters and rules, a cast that makes zero fucking sense in scale, and a lack of a creative hook other than “it’s not the Ryan Reynolds movie”. I guess I liked Armie Hammer and the visuals were alright. Otherwise, this didn’t work for me at all. 1.5/5

Edited April 7, 2019 by Blankments

[Blankments]

May

Two Lonely Bounty Hunters – A significant improvement from the first one. I didn’t find this as engaging as it thought it was, but it’s fun once the plot finally kicks into gear, although the cameo scene didn’t really work for me at all. Still, it’s solid fun and features a nice heartwarming ending. 3.5/5

 

Call of Duty: Of Their Own Accord – partially agree with Xillix here that it feels like a Let’s Play, but the action is solid and it’s got a lot of stupid fun. IDK, I can dig this. 3/5

 

Gold Diggers – mfw reading this:

1/5

 

In the Valley – I was expecting a bit more than what I got here… It’s a solid disaster flick but there really ain’t much to hold onto here. 2.5/5

[Blankments]

June

Psyren – uhh... I’m not sure about this at all. By that I mean I read the whole thing carefully and there’s barely any explanation of anything for people not already familiar with the property. It also barely seems to have a complete arc and repetitive as hell action. Not for me. 2/5

 

Forever Yours – a solid enough drama, but one that ultimately manages to be heavily confusing thanks to the use of deaf actors, which frequently clashes with the events of the film. I’m down for representation but this felt like it took an average script and cast deaf actors as a gimmick. Eh. 2/5

 

Splatoon – the CYI short in front of this cute but derivative. Still, nice. I can say the same about the main feature, which weirdly feels like a child friendly version of the Epsilon Syndicate? It also feels hella overwritten, but it’s charming enough to get by. 3/5

 

Wii Sports – the presence of Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney implies this is an SNL sketch. Unfortunately, it’s about 87 minutes too long for that. It’s amusing though, but honestly, just ridiculous. 2/5

 

Side-note, slambros: Please put the characters in the cast list, I like keeping a window open so I can refer back to who is playing who, but your cast list is always just the actors.

 

One Punch Man – alright, three things first:

 

1. This being PG-13 is ridiculous, the violence level, even with cutaways, is clearly R-rated on it’s own.
2. 200M? For this? This is like… 350M budget minimum to execute this all well. I’d give it even higher to try to make the movie totally work honestly.
3. The cast is too fucking big man. Why would all these people would sign onto what amounts to an live-action anime parody of superhero movies is beyond me?

 

As for the film itself... it’s actually pretty solid, up to the third act. It features the only good music-set action scene I’ve read in this game so far, There’s a bunch of stuff that should be clearly be cut and the plot suddenly shifts massively on page 16, which is way too long to change what the film is about. As it is, I feel like that’s the only insult I can really throw at this; it’s too big for a movie. There’s enough material here to last three movies. By the time the third act finally hits, I was exhausted from reading it. I can’t totally trash it because I had a lot of fun reading it, but this is a 6 hour movie here, buddy. Not under 2.5 hours. I’m giving it a 2.5/5, although I enjoyed it a bit more than that, I don’t feel comfortable rating what I deem an “impossible” film higher than that.

[Blankments]

and with that, I go "radio-silent" until the top 25, with reviews for July-December coming after I drop that

[Rorschach]

21 minutes ago, Blankments said:

The cast is too fucking big man. Why would all these people would sign onto what amounts to an live-action anime parody of superhero movies is beyond me?

Lager Pictures had a lot of extra cash to spare after making $575+ mil on Homecoming lmao.

[Blankments]

10 minutes ago, Rorschach said:

Lager Pictures had a lot of extra cash to spare after making $575+ mil on Homecoming lmao.

Then report the budget as 575m bish

[Blankments]

made it through august

 

 

[Blankments]

Tomorrow at 6pm CST:

 

 

(Of year 5)

 

[Blankments]

My apologies, traffic was worse than expected. It’ll start as soon as I can get on my computer.

 

5 Honorable Mentions

25 Fantastic Films

 

and this year... they’ll be announced in alphabetical order of the lead actors! Let’s respect the acting craft in the lead up to the top 5!

[cookie]

[Blankments]

14. Zazie Beetz in Perfect Match

18. Bruce Campbell in Texans Hate Zombies

 

@4815162342

6. Carrie Coon in 24 Hours

 

@4815162342

22. Ana de Armas in Pillars of Eternity: Never Far From the Queen

 

@4815162342

HM: Alden Ehrenreich in Scooby-Doo: Apocalypse

[cookie]

First list 24 Hours misses the top 5.

[Blankments]

12. Niles Fitch in Static Shock

 

@YourMother the Edgelord

23. Andrew Garfield in The Three-Month Funeral

HM: Lance Garret in He-Man III: The Horror of Hordak

 

@Xillix

21. Kathryn Hahn in The Rich and Famous

 

@Spaghetti

25. Kit Harington in Lieutenant Lynx in the Third Dimension

 

@Xillix

 

[Blankments]

HM: Oscar Isaac in O, Maestro!

 

@Spaghetti

16. Ashley Johnson in Sylvarius

 

@4815162342

HM: Felicity Jones in The Mona Lisa

 

@Slambros

7. Michael B. Jordan in Olive the Other Reindeer

HM: Daniel Kaluuya in Skyjumper

 

@Spaghetti

[Blankments]

15. Anna Kendrick in The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl

 

@YourMother the Edgelord

13. Sophia Lillis in Two Lonely Bounty Hunters

 

@Spaghetti

11. Thomasin McKenzie in The Epsilon Syndicate: Union of Thieves

 

@Spaghetti

24. Thomas Middleditch in Wi-Fi Winnebago

 

@Slambros

17. Dacre Montgomery in ByteRealm

@Xillix

[Blankments]

20. Liam Neeson in Crusader

 

@4815162342

10. Ryan Potter in American Dragon: Flash Point

 

@Xillix

19. Luke Prael in Peak

 

@Slambros

8. Channing Tatum in Best Friends

 

@Spaghetti

9. Aidan Turner in Bambi: A Life in the Woods

 

@Rorschach