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CAYOM YEAR 6 - PART I - MOVIE SUBMISSION

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Making Waves

 

Studio: Infinite Studios 

Release Date: 1/14/Y6

Genre: Sports/Dramedy/Family 

Director: Sean McNamara

Rating: PG

Budget: $15M

Theater Count: 3,120

Format: 2D

Runtime: 100 minutes

Cast: 

Nichalos Hamilton as Shawn Waves

Ryan Reynolds as Garth Waves

 

Shawn Waves is a loner youth living in California, as a result of his father Garth Waves, a world’s famous surfer leaving him as a 5 year old but is a gifted surfer. Garth returns into him live as the two plan to surf every wave in each ocean. It is revealed Garth is suffering from cancer and is trying to be in his son’s life. As there is initially some struggle, the two bond surfing as they learn of a wave that can take them across all four oceans. Eventually Shawn learns about his father’s cancer and assumes Garth is using him and goes off to the ride the wave. Garth goes after his son as Shawn has trouble surfing the wave as the two reconcile surfing, but Garth is weakened forcing Shawn to save him. The two end up surfing the wave as Garth is in awe of the beauty and Shawn has fun. One year later, Shawn takes up a career in surfing and Garth’s cancer has gone into remission, as the father-son surfer duo’s bond is finally strong

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Posted (edited)

Brickleberry: Armoogeddon 

Studio: Infinite Studios 

Damn Show! Productions

Release Date: 1/28/Y6 

Genre: Traditional Animation/Comedy

Director: Roger Black and Waco O’Guin

Rating: R

Budget: $15M

Theater Count: 3,102

Format: 2D

Runtime: 105 minutes

Cast:

David Herman as Steve Williams/Future Steve

Tom Kenny as Woody Johnson

Natasha Leggero as Ethel Anderson

Jerry Minor as Denzel Jackson

Daniel Tosh as Malloy

Roger Black as Connie Cunaman and Bodean

Waco O’Guin as Bobby/Future Bobby

Jonah Hill as Jesus 

Nick Kroll as The Bovine Overlord

Judge Judy as herself

 

Plot:

Spoiler

We open into the deep future as humanoid cows have taken over Earth due to heavy pollution as two cows hunt for the human rebel base for the Bovine Overlord. One cow remarks his friend is sucking the overlord’s dick but the another cow remarks he’s a racist and always has hated Angus Americans as the cow retorts he just doesn’t want them marrying his daughter or in his neighborhood.

 

However the cows are ambushed and quickly beaten to death by Steve Williams, one of the last humans alive and a cyborg with an eyepatch, stealing plutonium and riding away on a motorcycle. We cut back to the cows as one of them is being robbed by a brown cow with a golden grill, hoodie and shades as the racist cow remarks “Typical”.

 

Steve returns to the base to meet Dr. Kuzinak, working on his chronological warp device which the argue whether or not it’s a time machine. Kuzinak tells him to kill Woody Johnson his former boss as he caused this mess and Kuzinak’s ex wife so he won’t pay for child support. Steve steps into the time machine only for it to turn into a sex machine. Kuzinak then hands him the time machine, a handheld device as the base is swarmed by the cows who have found them due to Steve foolishly falling for a fake Tinder Woman “Madison Notacow”. 

 

The two attempt to fight the cows as Windows 10 updates, much to Kuzinak chagrin as Windows 10 sucks as Steve teleports away but Kuzinak is captured and bought to the Bovine Overlord. Kuzinak refuses to talk unless the Overlord asks nicely as he reveals he has more devices on him. The Overlord debates sending a cow as Future Bobby, a redneck in BDSM garb offers to do it. The Overlord is confused as he’s a sex slave as Bobby says he wants to keep it that way:

 

Back in Brickleberry National Park in 2015, everyone’s favorite incompetent Park Rangers (the bumbling Steve, the short tempered and rather bigoted leader Woody, pot addicted Denzel, hot blonde Ethel, the narcissistic and mean bear cub Malloy and the super strong and homely lesbian Connie) discuss Obama’s Gun for Cash program as Woody believes it’s a  ploy for Obama to use for his Kenyan army to take over which Ethel berates Woody for his racist conspiracy theory. Connie attempts to flirt with Ethel for sex who refuses and threatens to call the HR department which is revealed to be Connie. Ethel agrees if and only if the end of the world were to happens as Future Steve appears explaining he’s here to save the planet from doom much to Ethel’s horror and Connie’s delight.

 

Meanwhile rednecks the dim witted Bobby and motor mouth BoDean huff gasoline as future Bobby appears to asks for their help. They agree but Bobby asks if the two gave each other handjobs would it be gay which Future Bobby denies much to Bobby’s delight. 

 

Future Steve explains the apocalypse and that everyone but Steve dies as Denzel steals Steve’s time travel device to escape his fate. Future Steve attempts to kill Woody with... a T-Shirt cannon... which surprisingly breaks Woody’s nose. Before Future Steve can kill Woody with a beefy T, Future Bobby and the rednecks stop him.

 

Future Bobby tells Woody to come on him if he wants to live. Woody attempts to correct him but Future Bobby knew what he meant, as Woody grabs Malloy as they run away. Meanwhile, a naked Connie waits for Ethel in her bedroom to fulfill her end of the bargain which Ethel refuses until Connie’s lawyer comes in threatening to take her to court. Also after the birth of Jesus, Denzel beats the Three Wise Men and Mary and Joseph and kidnaps baby Jesus to raise as his child.

 

Back in the present, Future Bobby steals a hearse as the five attempt to outrun Steve who uses an Uber rickshaw driven by a stereotypical Chinese man complete with straw hat and buck teeth. Woody attempts to throw a corpse at Future Steve but it misses and the corpse hits the car of the family mourning the woman. Future Steve fires his T-Shirt gun, blinding the car window causing them to crash into a bounce house with children, killing them. However, they evade Future Steve thanks to some spikes causing the rickshaw to explode.

 

The rednecks, Woody, Malloy and Future Bobby hide at a safe house where Bobby and Future Bobby give each other handjobs. Future Bobby also reveals Malloy dies during the apocalypse much to the bear cub’s dismay as he hoped to be a dictator. Meanwhile, Denzel teaches a six year old Jesus to use his gifts for his own game and trains him to be a winning gladiator for money as well as lying his origins in that he came from space, given an Adamantium skeleton and arc reactor and fell into a vat of radioactive spiders, gamma rays and Goblin serum. A young Jesus is wowed as he asks Denzel anything else as Denzel says his mother was a virgin which Jesus laughs at.

 

At 16, Jesus becomes a selfish douchebag as a result of Denzel’s teaching and leaves his father but not before finding Denzel’s bible as he angrily confront his father about his lies and leaves to be crucified, much to Denzel’s sadness. Back to the present, Future Steve damages his T-Shirt Cannon arm forcing him to get a replacement from a claw machine but heads off hellbent on stopping Woody. 

 

Thanks to Malloy’s betrayal, Future Steve finds Woody as Future Bobby saves Woody by sending them to the past. Malloy and Future Steve chase after him as they find themselves in 2012, fighting the bloodthirsty and cute Squabbits. Future Steve finds Woody but is unable to kill him as he guess Woody is from 2012, not the one they’re after. Malloy chastises Steve for his stupidity as Woody attempts to escape by hurling Squabbits at Future Steve as the four chase each other throughout time causing Lincoln’s death, and Hitlers’ mustache winding up in Howland Island in 1937.

 

Future Steve fights Future Bobby and win but not before being beat up by Woody. Malloy calls Future Steve an idiot as Future Steve suggest killing a child instead as Malloy realizes they can kill Woody as a kid and leave. Woody and Future Bobby attempt to stop them but their time travel device stops working. The two track down and beat Albert Einstein to get him to fix it but Future Bobby realizes he needs new batteries but give Einstein severe brain damage.

 

Woody and Future Bobby travel to the day Woody was conceived as they’re found by Woody’s mother. Woody tells her Bobby was a stalker and he fought him as Woody’s mom shoots Future Bobby with a shotgun. Woody helps his mom charm his father but his father came home drunk and passed out. Woody comforts his mother by pouring them drinks but winds up having sex with her, thus being his own father. Malloy and Future Steve travel to the 1970s as they plan to kill Woody as a kid  as they introduce themselves as Steve as Uncle Roostaspoonberger and Malloy as his midget Armenian lover, much to the bear’s chagrin. However, Future Steve is unable to kill Woody feeling sympathy for him as his mother is horribly abusive to him while treating her poodle better than Woody and treats him to a real birthday and becomes a real role model for him. 

 

Future Steve decides to stop the cows head on as Malloy refuses to leave until they kill something and kill Woody’s mother poodle. Meanwhile Ethel and Connie go to court as Judge Judy judges them as Ethel exclaims she was tricking and Connie is the HR department. Judge Judy sentences them into 20 minutes of dry humping as a compromise. Denzel tries to stop Jesus’ crucifixcation as the two reconcile as the Romans beat up Denzel as Jesus springs into a violent rampage and kills them. 

 

As Future Steve rounds up the park workers and the denizens of Brickleberry to fight back as well as Woody joining the cause inspired by his uncle despite the fact they may not have guns gives a rousing speech. With Connie’s history with Obama, he gives them all the guns they took for his Kenyan Army in exchange for Connie’s week old panties. They rush to where the cows touchdown and fight them. Future Bobby attempts to sabotage to maintain his cow torture sex utopia taking Connie hostage as the others don’t care about Connie. Bobby kills Future Bobby though as he realizes BoDean dies in the future as all the hot alien cow cock isn’t worth the life of his bestie as Bobby tells BoDean to keep his body cold as he reorts it’s not gay.

 

Future Steve and Woody fight side by side together as Woody finds out Steve was his uncle and thanks him for being a good father figure but insists that his father was a great man with a great sausage. The Bovine Overlord and his super Bovine soldiers arrive with their mothership as their gun immunity and superior strength causes them to be disadvantaged until Denzel and Jesus arrive to even the odds as Jesus kills the cow with brute force and brutal ways. Ethel points out shouldn’t history be radically changed by Denzel raising Jesus as Woody retorts it makes more sense than Legends of Tomorrow.

 

The Bovine Overlord retreats until Woody tosses a Squabbit he got from 2012 as he couldn’t resist and tempts it with a burger and chucks it at the mothership, as the Squabbit kills the cows on board and causes the ship to explode. With the world saved, Future Steve thanks them for their help as he expects to peacefully fade away but actually his body parts fade away one at a time, losing his skin then his muscles then veins and so on as Future Steve is in agonizing pain as the other laugh at his pain. Future Steve then retorts he never would’ve saved those fucking assholes if he knew this would happen. Woody asks what they should do with the dead cow bodies as Malloy suggests opening a Chipotle.

 

Edited by YourMother the Edgelord
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Posted (edited)

Schadenfreude

Studio: New Journey Pictures Classics

Director: Christian Petzold

Genre: Drama

Release Date & Theater Count:

August 5th in 37 Theaters

August 12th in 238 Theaters

August 19th in 791 Theaters

August 26th in 1,557 Theaters

MPAA Rating: R for Language and Adult Situations

Runtime: 1 hr 41 min

Production Budget: $4.5 Million

 

Cast

Nina Hoss as Mila

August Deihl as Otto

Sandra Hüller as Sabine

with Numan Acar as Timur

and Moritz Bleibtreu as Fabian

 

Abstract: A German defense lawyer cheats on his wife; his wife learns of this, and attempts to send him subliminal messages, so that the husband is convinced to tell her the truth.

 

This is a German-language film.

 

Spoiler

The opening sequence is completely made up of computer screen footage in which Mila (Diane Kruger) sorts data such as names and phones numbers with software such as Microsoft Access. It is shot in a way similar to Moneyball. We cut to Mila, who gets up from her desk, walks past many cubicles, waves hello to a few coworkers, retreats to the break room, makes herself a cup of coffee, sips it, and sighs--all in one unbroken shot.

 

She drives home from work in high traffic. She parks in her driveway and walks into her two-story house. And she has dinner with Otto (August Deihl), who has also come home from his job as a defense lawyer. He won yet another case. Mila tells Otto that she is happy for him. When Otto asks Mila about her day, Mila tells him that it was "just another day". The final shot of the dinner scene is them sheepishly eating their food, not really interacting with each other any further than they already have.

 

Otto lays down in bed with a book in his hands. Mila opens the clothing drawer... and she finds a bra she hasn't seen before. When Mila confronts Otto about it, Otto, without missing a beat, states that he purchased the bra as a gift for her, and that she can check the same clothing drawer and find the receipt for the purchase. Mila looks inside the drawer and finds the receipt for the bra. She smells it, and displays a suspicious look. She thanks Otto, but she thanks him uneasily.

 

The next day at work, Mila stares into her coffee in silence. She then decides to search Google for public records of Otto's cases. She does not find any trace of Otto participating in a trial during the previous day. She decides to search through Otto's Facebook by logging into his account--she's memorized his account information. She looks and finds the DMs that Otto's been sending and receiving with a woman named Sabine (Sandra Hüller). She spends a great deal of time reading through the Direct Messages; the audience is also able to read the Direct Messages, just as Mila is. When she finds the previous day's messages revealing that Otto bought the bra for Sabine and invited her to the house--apparently for sexual pleasure--Mila storms away from her cubicle and cries alone in the break room.

 

Mila and Otto have dinner again that night. Mila stares angrily at Otto, who maintains his composer as if nothing is wrong. Otto nonchalantly asks Mila what she is so angry about. Mila lies and says that she is angry about her company laying workers off without any warning. Then she says, "I hate it, Otto. I hate it when people don't tell the truth." Otto says that he agrees as he dips a slice of bread in olive oil and shoves it into his mouth. Mila excuses herself, leaving Otto alone.

 

The next day at work, Mila decides to go onto her own Facebook account and send Sabine a message. She tells Sabine who she is and that she knows about the affair. Sabine replies and admits that her and Otto have been "interacting" with one another, also admitting that she was informed of who Mila was prior to the adulterous behavior. Mila tells her that she doesn't want Otto to know she found out about his cheating at the moment. They plan to meet for coffee after work. Mila leans back into her chair and holds her hands to her head.

 

She sits down at an outdoor cafe an orders a cappuccino. She sips the coffee and waits for a long time, until, finally, she Sabine walking to the table from far away. Sabine sits down with Mila and orders a macchiato. They stare down at the table for a long time until Mila asks questions and Sabine gives answers.

 

"How long have you known each other?"

"Three months."

"How long have you been sleeping together?"

"One week."

"Are you remorseful?"

"...I'm still deciding on that."

 

Mila angrily retorts that Otto is her husband, and she gets up to walk away when Sabine tells her that Otto is the one that pursued her. Mila stares at Sabine before walking away.

 

We cut to policeman knocking on the door of a rundown apartment building. Timur (Numan Acar) opens the door, and the policemen enter the apartment illegally. We cut to a sequence of events in which Timur pleads not guilty by reason of the illegal search and Otto is selected as Timur's defense attorney. Otto meets with the prosecutor, Fabian (Moritz Bleibtreu), as the defense attorney and prosecutor are supposed to. Otto tells Fabian that he plans to bring up the fact that the evidence against Timur was obtained illegally. Fabian gives an impassioned monologue about Timur's guilt to his crime--that if Timur does not receive the temporary imprisonment necessary for his crime, the law will have failed society--no matter how the evidence was obtained. The two men agree to disagree, and warn each other that they'll be going into court with no holds barred.

 

We cut back to Mila in her office. She receives a DM from Sabine: "Have you told him yet?"

Mila replies: "No."

"Why not?"

"I want him to be the one to tell the truth to me."

 

Mila spends a long time waiting for Sabine's next DM. She tries to distract herself with work. She tries to distract herself by getting coffee. Finally, it pops up on her screen:

 

"I can help you."

 

Mila really doesn't know what to think as she looks down at the DM.

 

Another DM pops up.

 

"The first thing you want to do is act like you still care about him."

 

Mila doesn't like that very much. She types:

 

"Fucking hell I'm doing that. He cheated on me."

 

Another DM:

 

"Trust me."

 

At dinner that night, Otto tells Mila about the case. It's the most excited he's been about a case in a long time. He tells her the dilemma: that Timur is surely guilty of his crime, but the illegal search poisoned the tree of evidence. After acting uncharacteristically intrigued by Otto's story, Mila takes all the dishes and begins washing them by hand--she usually just puts them in the dishwasher. The camera lingers on Otto's face while Mila does the dishes. He wears an expression of guilt--the face worn when the woman's back is turned.

 

Mila and Otto lay down on the bed with their backs turned away from each other. We flashback to Sadine's next DM, which says: "Remind him why he married you in the first place." We cut back to the symmetrical shot of Mila and Otto on the bed; Mila simply reminisces out loud about how wonderful their wedding was; how happy the guests were; how lively the dancing was; the way the knife slid into the wedding cake; how good to the taste that cake was; how they dived headfirst into the future. Otto tells her that he loves her and leaves it at that. A single tear rolls down Mila's cheek.

 

We cut to Otto as he visits Timur, who is behind bars. They have a discussion about the case. Timur wants to go back home to his wife and kids. Otto ensures him that he'll be able to do so.

 

We cut to the trial. Fabian is telling his final speech to the jury. He implores them to find Timur guilty and punish him for the crime. Then he sits down and straightens his tie.

 

Otto stands up. He paces around the space as an eerie silence permeates the room. We flashback to the moment when Mila finds the bra in the clothing drawer, when Otto lies to her with a straight face. We cut back to Otto in the court room as he says nothing and sits down at his chair, much to Timur's horror. The judge sends the jury to sequester for deliberation as Otto reflects on his choice and Timur buries his hands in his face.

 

After dismissal, Fabian pulls Otto aside and tells him that he's really glad they see eye to eye in regards to the need for justice in the world. Fabian walks away with a certain swagger, while Otto stares down at his reflection in the marble floor.

 

At dinner that night, Otto admits to cheating on Mila with Sabine. But Otto tells Mila that Sabine was the one who pursued him. Otto tells Mila that he was relentlessly tempted by Sabine, that he didn't feel he had any other choice but to give in. Mila coldly tells Otto that she wants him out of the house tomorrow, and that she'll soon after be filing for divorce. When Otto suggests that they sleep together one last time, Mila obliges.

 

This time, while lying down in the bed, Mila and Otto are facing each other. Mila tells Otto what Sabine had told her: that he was the one who pursued her. Otto tells her about the lengths Sabine would go to lure him to her. Mila tells Otto: "I'm sure you two will be happy together, now that you've been lured in."

 

The next day, Mila and Sabine meet for coffee again. They order the same coffee drinks they ordered the last time. Sabine smiles sadistically with her lipstick-coated lips and tells Mila that Otto is going to wish he had never cheated. Mila asks why. Sabine admits that she is a con-artist who lures men away from their wives, spends all of their money, and leaves them to dry. Mila tells her: "You haven't just ruined Otto's life. You've ruined mine." And with that, Mila storms away from the table as Sabine sips her coffee in personal victory.

 

Fade to black.

 

SCHADENFREUDE

 

Edited by SLAM!
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Understand

 

Director:Daniel Espinosa

Release date: November 11th

Studio: Hunt Productions 

Genre:sci-fi

Rating: pg-13

Budget: 9M

Theatre Count: 3,050

Runtime: 94 minutes

Cast:

Andrew Garfield

David Henrie 

 



 

Leon Greco (Andrew Garfield) is seen under a thick sheet of ice at a frozen lake. Greco violently beats his fist against the ice trying to break throug or get someone's attentions. Moments pass by and life is slipping from Leon. His eyes close and he begins to sink.

Suddenly Leon's eyes are wide open and he shoots up right in bed. He glances over at a clock that tells him it is early in the morning.

 

The next day Leon has a doctor's appointment. During the conversation with the doctor it is revealed that the dream Leon had was actually a memory of a real near death experience he had. Leon was saved by an experiemental drug called Hormone K that regenerates neurons in a damaged brain. Today Leon was recieving his third shot of Hormone K. (The first occuring whilenhe was in a coma and the second shorly after he had woken up)  The doctor begins to ask leon a serious of numbers to test his memory but much to the doctor's suprise leon is able to complete the serise of numbers before he's finished telling him what they are. When asked about this leon reveals that he remembers the numbers from their previous appointments. The doctor tries again with different numbers to the same result. The doctor tries a thrid time this time doing a much longer serise of numbers that Leon has never heard before. After a moment leon is able to recall the serise of numbers perfectly. The doctor decides to send leon for IQ testing. 

 

 We see the doctor reveal that leon scored in the 99th percentile on the IQ test. This is a shock to Leon. Leon had always been smart but this was new territory.

 

At home leon is working on some graphic design when he gets a phone call from his freind asking about seeing a movie. Leon tells his freind that he was actually planning to go to a one women play tonight that sounded interesting. Leon's freind scoffs at this idea and hangs up. After a second Leon stands up shocked. He had never been able to double task (talk and do graphic design at the same time) before. He is startled and excited.

Later Leon gets a call from the doctor saying they want to give him a fourth shot of hormone K and do a study on him. Leon is of course ecstaric to recieve this offer.

 

After the fourth shot Leon begind working with many different doctors of different specialties doing different tests of his intelligence. At first he is entralled by all of this. They see so much progress everyday. After weeks and weeks though Leon becomes jaded. He believes that the doctors are incapable of understanding truly how smart he is. Leon one night decides to hack into the FDA database and see other patientd who have recieved Hormone K. It appears as if there have been 50 or so individuals that have recieved 3 shots of Hormone K. But he is the only one who has recieved 4.

 

During one of his days eith the doctors a man from the CIA comes in to see Leon. Leon understands the implications of this and does his best underplay his intelligence. A few days later he tells the doctors that he wants to withdrawal from the study. The doctors attempt to argue with Leon but they are unable  to convince Leon. A few days go by and and Leon gets a call from one of the doctors saying there has been adverse affects of the drug, saying that it causes rapid growth followed by immediate collapse and that Leon needs to come in immediately


 Leon agrees to do so. Leon hops back on the FDA database and sees no reports of such a claim.

While the doctors wait for Leon to show up he slips into their office and writes them a note telling them not to look for him as well as hacking intonthe police database and putting in a virus that will scramble his license plate shouldnit be caught on any of their cameras. Leon decides it's time to leave and flies to New York.

 

Leon makes his money by betting on horse racing and then investing into the stock market. He stays in a low key little appartment where he studies languages both modern and ancient. 

 

Leon does his best to avoid going out in public but when he does he is able to deduce every detail about people's lives just based upon the smallest details. This comes in handy as Leon is very easily able to manipulate people in order to get whatever he wants. He is very jaded about the people that surround him. He believes their actions and feelings to be far below him even though he used to do all the very same things. 

The emotions that Leon experiences are far more complex than that that the typical human could possibly experience. Leon decides that he needs to create his own languate in order to be able to express his thoughts and feelings. Leon finds this task to be challenging and rewarding. His only goal is to reach "enlightenment" and know everything that there is to possibly know.

 

One day Leon wakes up and sees that some of his stocks have dropped. This is startling. It doesn't make any sense. He sees that the first letters of his stocks that dropped spell out something: "Leon Greco." Suddenly it occurs to Leon that there must be someone else who recieved the Hromone K treatment and erased their information from the FDA database. What Leon did not know was wheather this individual was a friend or an enemy. Leon quickly leaves New York and heads to memphis where he does research on this individual. After many a few days and nights of work he is able to locate Rynolds in Philadelphia. Rynolds goals and ideas seem more directed towards altruism and protecting and improving the planet which is directly opposed to the selfish goals that Leon has. 

 

Leon needs to go to Philadelphia to meet Rynolds. Reynolds already inevitably knows where he is and it's best to give Rynolds what it is that he may want. Leon shows up at Rynolds's apartment where the door is open. Rynolds (David Henrie) is standing there waiting for Leon. They discuss everything that they have learned over the past 6 months or so. It is clear that both men admire eachother and wish that they could work together. The longing for someone who can follow your thoughts or even challenge them is endlessly appealing to Leon. Alas their views are so obviously opposed to the others. Rynolds can not do his work to improve the world with Leon's selfish pursuits for enlightenment in his way. They stand their across from eachother seizing one another up. Rynolds is able to share some words with Leon that aide him to reach enlightenment..the problem is that enlightenment kills Leon.

 

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