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SUR(VI)VOR Ep. 1: The Art of Surviving in the City

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Posted (edited)

Yeah, The Kitchen is the one that, I think, hit me the worst as well. Was not expecting much, given how awful the reviews and WoM are.

Edited by Wrath
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Posted (edited)

@Avatree @captainwondyful @DAJK @Fancyarcher @Keanu @MeowwoeM @MrGamer @PanaMovie @Sheikh @Thanos Legion @Wrath @ZeeSoh

 

@baumer @chasmmi @Claire of Themyscira @Darth Lehnsherr @Kjtc @Premium George @Reddroast @Rorschach @YourMother the Edgelord

 

*Two hours before the flash fight, the Survivors are shown to their hotel rooms. The teams have their rooms on separate floors from the other teams. After the survivors choose their rooms, they come together in their floor’s meeting room to break the ice between their teammates.*

 

*In Team Asgard’s meeting room*

Avatree: Hey. I’m Avatree. I’m a competitor who likes competing in things. Hopefully I’m an asset to the team. We’ll see.

MeowwoeM: I’m MeowwoeM! I’m a sunny side up, hass glalf full kind of person! Or, half glass full, excuse me! I’m sorry, I’m just pretty excited to be on Survivor!

Thanos Legion: I am Thanos Legion. And I want to keep this game as balanced as possible.

(Everyone stares blankly at Thanos Legion. YourMother crunches loudly on a spicy Cheeto.)

chasmmi: I think I’d rather steamroll the other teams than keep a balance.

MeowwoeM: Hey! He’s allowed to express his opinion, even if it’s the wrong one.

Thanos Legion: You’re mistaken. My opinion is the right one.

Keanu: Well, it’s really nice to meet you! I’m Keanu, that’s Sheikh next to me, that’s chasmmi over there, and over there, his name is…

YourMother: YourMother the Edgelord. Pleasure to meet you.

MeowwoeM: Hey, you didn’t have to introduce yourselves! You guys are basically celebrities! I’ve seen every season of—

Avatree: You’re not my mother.

(Uneasy silence.)

YourMother: Pardon me?

Avatree: (chuckles) It’s a joke, man. Chill.

Sheikh: …I’ll put my opinion out there. The time for jokes is when we’ve earned safety for the week. We need to put our serious game faces on. Does that make sense to everyone?

(Silence.)

 

CONFESSIONAL – chasmmi: I can already feel the dysfunction just emanating under our feet, waiting to bring down the whole ship. Ugh.

 

*In Team Sokovia’s meeting room*

PanaMovie: Call me PanaMovie. It’s a riff off of PanaVision that replaces ‘Vision’ with ‘Movie’. But you guys probably figured that out by now. Heh.

Reddroast: I’m Reddroast, and I had not figured out that play on words until now. Wow!

Premium George: I am Premium George. The most premium George of all the ‘George’s who dwell the Earth…

baumer: Oh, wow. That’s a pretty bold claim considering there’s people like George Clooney, George R.R. Martin, George Miller

Fancyarcher: George W. Bush?

PanaMovie: (cocks an eyebrow) Well, that depends on political beliefs. But even then, he’s probably better than this fruitcake.

Reddroast: (to Premium George) Hey. Aren’t you the guy who was going on about how the universe was infinite?

Premium George: I never said such things.

Wrath: Okay… Now that we’ve introduced ourselves, we should discuss the Flash Fight. We know that it’s based on Angry Birds in some way. Rorschach… How many of our team is playing?

Rorschach: Three of us. You, Fancyarcher, and PanaMovie.

Wrath: And how many players are playing in total?

Rorschach: Twelve.

Wrath: That makes sense. Now, let’s speculate on what the challenge is likely to entail…

 

CONFESSIONAL – Premium George: Wrath and Rorscharch must think they’re the leaders of the team. Little do they know that I, the Most Premium George, have been preordained by destiny as this team’s leader. Those two better tread lightly.

 

*In Team Wakanda’s meeting room*

Darth Lehnsherr: My name is Darth Lehnsherr. I’m a verbose intellectual with a penchant for eliciting misguided ire from the individuals surrounding me for my diction, as well as my first name.

ZeeSoh: Yeah, no kidding.

captainwondyful: I don’t know why anyone would dislike you for being named after a country singer…

(Claire of Themyscira cranes her neck towards captainwondyful and purses her lips together.)

MrGamer: MrGamer is my name! I’m the Cat’s Pajamas at predicting the box office!

ZeeSoh: More like the Cat’s Hairball.

(MrGamer’s face flushes with rage.)

Darth Lehnsherr: Don’t entertain him, friend. His intention is to slither in and misconstrue your focus.

Ktjc: Anyway, I’m Ktjc. I’m… I’m sorry, I’m still waking up… I’m new to the game, of course… Um… My friends say I’m gullible, so please be sure to tell me the truth.

DAJK: Of course! That’s what teammates do!

Claire of Themyscira: Uh-uh. We’re teammates, yes, but no way am I making a promise like that. Ain’t no man gonna know my gameplay.

(DAJK glances at Claire.)

 

CONFESSIONAL – DAJK: Ktjc… You seem like a good competitor, but… From a four-letter-named man to another… That’s not the type of thing you reveal to your whole team on Day One. People are going to use that to their advantage, buddy.

 

*Later that day, all twelve of the players—Avatree, captainwondyful, DAJK, Fancyarcher, Keanu, MeowwoeM, MrGamer, PanaMovie, Sheikh, Thanos Legion, Wrath, and ZeeSoh are at their own booth in what is akin to an outdoor firing range, while the other competitors are sitting in spectator stands.*

 

SLAM!: Welcome to the this season’s very first Flash Fight! The object of this challenge is to take your slingshots and fire bird-shaped stones at the wooden towers thirty feet away from your booth! The goal is knock over your tower; the first one to knock over their tower wins a 3% addition to their percentage in the weekly challenge, and the second one will win a 1.5% increase! But the last and second-to-last one will receive a 3% decrease and 1.5% decrease, respectively. Good luck to you all!

 

*The contestants begin to launch the stones at their towers. Fancyarcher launches a stone without thinking about it, and he misses the tower completely.*

 

ZeeSoh: Hey, Fancyarcher! You’re aiming for the tower, not the grass!

 

*Fancyarcher grits his teeth. He launches another stone with a fierce strength, and the tower falls right down! The other contestants stare in shock as Fancyarcher jumps for joy.*

 

SLAM!: Fancyarcher is the 1st place winner of the challenge!

Fancyarcher: YES! (high-fives baumer, Reddroast, and Rorschach, also offering one to Premium George, who refuses)

 

CONFESSIONAL – Fancyarcher: I did not expect that! Hopefully that helps Team Sokovia!

 

Thanos Legion: I… Am… Inevitable…

*Thanos Legion launches a stone and knocks over his entire tower.*

SLAM!: Thanos Legion is the 2nd place winner of the challenge!

Darth Lehnsherr: (under his breath) How many times will that guy mutter “I am inevitable” this season?

(Kjtc starts counting on his fingers. Darth pats him on the back.)

Darth Lehnsherr: That was rhetorical.

(Kjtc stares down in confusion.)

 

*The other contestants continue launching stones at the towers.*

captainwondyful: Does anyone know how to work a slingshot?

PanaMovie: (cocks an eyebrow) Trust me… it’s harder than it looks…

Sheikh: I can tell you how! You put your fingers…

*Sheikh glances at chasmmi, who frantically motions for Sheikh to stop giving away the information.*

Sheikh: On second thought… I’m having a bit of trouble, myself…

MrGamer: I’m in a bit of a pickle, here…

*MrGamer has accidently broken his slingshot and is frantically trying to fix it.*

DAJK: Don’t worry, MrGamer, I’ll minimize the chance of a ‘double decrease’…

*DAJK knocks over his tower and goes to sit down.*

MeowwoeM: I think this one’s the breadwinner!

*MeowwoeM knocks over his tower, much to the other contestant’s surprise.*

YourMother: Nice one, MeowwoeM! I gotta be honest, I didn’t expect you to finish so early!

MeowwoeM: Neither did I! Hopefully that’s a sign of things to come!

 

CONFESSIONAL – MeowwoeM: There’s three things I’ll do in this game: look on the bright side, play for Team Asgard, and prove myself. I’m really happy to be doing that!

 

*Sheikh and Keanu are the next ones to knock their towers over.*

Keanu: Look at that, Sheikh! It’s like we’re in sync!

Sheikh: Yeah… You’re right…

 

CONFESSIONAL – chasmmi: First Thanos Legion, then MeowwoeM, then Sheikh, then Keanu… I think our team might not be that dysfunctional after all!

 

*Wrath struggles to knock over his tower, launching stone after stone and only chipping away at the top pieces of the tower.*

Wrath: I’m getting frustrated…

baumer: You got this, Wrath! Don’t give up!

*Team Sokovia cheers Wrath on.*

 

*ZeeSoh knocks over his tower.*

ZeeSoh: Hmph. (He drops his slingshot as one would drop a microphone.)

*PanaMovie knocks over his tower.*

PanaMovie: (wipes brow) Phew!

*captainwondyful looks out and sees who else is still playing before launching the stone and knocking over the tower.*

captainwondyful: Look at that! I figured it out!

*Team Wakanda congratulates her.*

 

CONFESSIONAL – captainwondyful: Why, of course I threw that competition! It’s not that hard to pretend you don’t know how a slingshot works! I chose that moment to knock it down because it was far enough removed from #1 that the others don’t see me as a threat…

 

*Wrath looks to his left—Avatree is in the zone, but he’s missing shots nonetheless. He looks to his right—MrGamer is still frantically trying to fix his slingshot.*

 

MeowwoeM: Let’s go Avatree!

Reddroast: Let’s go Wrath!

*No one cheers on MrGamer.*

MrGamer: Mamma Mi!!

 

*Avatree and Wrath launch their stones at about the same. Avatree’s tower falls just before Wrath’s tower falls.*

 

SLAM!: Game, Set, Match! Wrath and MrGamer are the last two finishers!

 

*Avatree begins to cry tears of joy and relief. Keanu gives Avatree a hug as Team Asgard celebrates.*

 

CONFESSIONAL – Avatree: The last thing I want to do is be seen as weak… I know I’m cutting it close… I’m just glad I didn’t cause the team any damage!

 

*Fancyarcher walks to Wrath and pats him on the back.*

Fancyarcher: It’s alright. I won first place, so the team benefits more than it’s impeded. If that makes any sense.

*Premium George storms to Wrath.*

Premium George: You position yourself as a leader, and you can’t even do well in competition? The world is snafued by men like you.

Wrath: Hmm. That’s rich coming from someone who didn’t participate.

*They glare at each other for a moment. Then Premium George storms off. Rorschach rushes to Wrath’s side.*

Rorschach: What happened, Wrath?

*Wrath thinks for a moment.*

Wrath: …I threw the competition.

*Wrath walks off. Fancyarcher and Rorscharch exchange glances.*

 

CONFESSIONAL – Wrath: I didn’t throw the competition. But I’m not about to tell everyone that it was a genuine slip-up…

 

*MrGamer shambles to Team Wakanda with his head down.*

MrGamer: I really screwed the pooch on this one…

*Claire of Themyscira, ZeeSoh, and captainwondyful all stare straight into MrGamer’s eyes before sauntering away in different directions.*

DAJK: …Don’t worry, MrGamer. There’s always the Weekend Challenge!

SLAM!: Did someone say Weekend Challenge?! That’s my cue!

 

*SLAM! gets the attention of all the players.*

 

SLAM!: Before I say anything, here are the full results of the flash fight:

 

Spoiler

 

Fancyarcher - 90.62% (+3% for Weekly Challenge Average)

Thanos Legion - 89.40% (+1.5% for Weekly Challenge Average)

DAJK - 87.58%

MeowwoeM - 86.32%

Sheikh - 85.88%

Keanu - 85.66%

ZeeSoh - 83.82%

PanaMovie - 83.14%

captainwondyful - 82.84%

Avatree - 80.66%

Wrath - 79.10% (-1.5% for Weekly Challenge Average)

MrGamer - 63.26% (-3% for Weekly Challenge Average)

 

 

SLAM!: I also have something to share: two Flash Fight players—I will not name names—submitted Tuesday grosses instead of Tuesday PTAs, and also failing to submit PTAs before the deadline. I decided to be forgiving this once because this was the first Flash Fight; I took their grosses and divided them by the theater counts, creating general PTA predictions. I will never again do this; please read the rules thoroughly for all challenges including Weekly Challenges and any Flash Fights that might happen in the future, so that you know exactly what you’re predicting. If not, your scores could suffer, and that could tank your game!

 

SLAM!: Oh, and before I forget! The deadline of the Weekly Challenge is tonight at 11:59 EST. The Weekly Challenge is mandatory for the game, so please be sure to get in your predictions! That’s all I have for now, so in the meantime, Outwit, Outplay, Outlast!

 

CONFESSIONAL – MrGamer: (cracks knuckles) I’m gonna prove that I truly know my onions during the Weekend Challenge! If I don’t I could be on the chopping block! (shudders)

 

*Back inside the hotel, as Team Asgard heads back to their hotel rooms, Avatree pulls YourMother aside.*

 

Avatree: Hey, YourMother… I just wanted to say that I am sorry for saying that joke I said earlier… It was kinda mean in hindsight…

YourMother: It’s okay!

Avatree: I’ve been kinda cold, but I know I should be nicer to people, and…

YourMother: Hey, man. It’s okay. Alright?

Avatree: Alright…

*They hug it out.*

 

TO BE CONTINUED

Edited by SLAM!
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50 minutes ago, SLAM! said:

Avatree: You’re not my mother.

(Uneasy silence.)

YourMother: Pardon me?

tenor.gif?itemid=4783370

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@Avatree @baumer @captainwondyful @chasmmi @Claire of Themyscira @DAJK @Darth Lehnsherr @Fancyarcher @Keanu @Kjtc @MeowwoeM @MrGamer @PanaMovie @Premium George @Reddroast @Rorschach @Sheikh @Thanos Legion @Wrath @YourMother the Edgelord @ZeeSoh

 

So this is probably me being a worrywart, but I decided to send out another obligatory reminder:

 

The deadline to submit predictions for the Weekend Challenge is tonight at 11:59 PM EST. So you have about four and a half hours to make and send the predictions!

 

Some of you have sent predictions, but I tagged everyone to maintain the mystery as to who has sent them and how many people have sent them.

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@SLAM! how does this weekly challenge average bonus and penalty (+/-3 and +/-1.5) thing work? 

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2 minutes ago, ZeeSoh said:

@SLAM! how does this weekly challenge average bonus and penalty (+/-3 and +/-1.5) thing work? 

 

Here's how it works:

 

Each invidiual player gets an average percentage of all their predictions. Any applicable bonus/penalty is placed onto that specific individual's average. Then all the percentage of a team of players are rolled into one total average percentage.

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Posted (edited)

+3% like “50% base accuracy*1.03->51.5% final score” or +3% like “50 base accuracy +3% ->53% final score?”   

 

(Hopefully no one has a 50% base accuracy, just an easy example to work with)

Edited by Thanos Legion

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31 minutes ago, Thanos Legion said:

+3% like “50% base accuracy*1.03->51.5% final score” or +3% like “50 base accuracy +3% ->53% final score?”   

 

(Hopefully no one has a 50% base accuracy, just an easy example to work with)

 

That is correct.

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9 minutes ago, SLAM! said:

 

That is correct.

So Fancyarcher got +3% this week because he had the most accurate predictions out of all and Mrgamer got -3% because he had the least accurate predictions?

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6 minutes ago, ZeeSoh said:

So Fancyarcher got +3% this week because he had the most accurate predictions out of all and Mrgamer got -3% because he had the least accurate predictions?

 

Yes.

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Posted (edited)
21 minutes ago, SLAM! said:

 

That is correct.

I presented two options 😛 

 

I’m wondering if it’s multiplicative (50% and 3% bonus =51.5) or additive (50% and 3% bonus =53). There shouldn’t be much practical consequence, I just like to as clear as possible.

Edited by Thanos Legion

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6 minutes ago, SLAM! said:

 

Yes.

In a flash fight do the percentages matter towards something other than determining the positions?

 

For example if Fancyarcher had the most accurate predictions then he will be placed first amongst all who played the flash fight. Wouldn't it be redundant then to add 3% to his score seeing he already has the highest percentage and already #1? Same with say Mrgamer, if he already has the lowest score, whats the purpose of deducting 3% from it?

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2 minutes ago, ZeeSoh said:

In a flash fight do the percentages matter towards something other than determining the positions?

 

For example if Fancyarcher had the most accurate predictions then he will be placed first amongst all who played the flash fight. Wouldn't it be redundant then to add 3% to his score seeing he already has the highest percentage and already #1? Same with say Mrgamer, if he already has the lowest score, whats the purpose of deducting 3% from it?

 

It's a risk/reward system. The Flash Fight will always entail some sort of risk/reward scenario. It definitely won't always be weekend challenge percentage increases/decreases. But weekend grosses are generally tougher than weekday PTAs... it is not unprecedented for players who win flash fights to slip up in the Weekend Challenge.

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5 minutes ago, SLAM! said:

 

It's a risk/reward system. The Flash Fight will always entail some sort of risk/reward scenario. It definitely won't always be weekend challenge percentage increases/decreases. But weekend grosses are generally tougher than weekday PTAs... it is not unprecedented for players who win flash fights to slip up in the Weekend Challenge.

Ah ok I finally got it. The first 2 will get 3 and 1.5 added to their weekly score and vice versa for the bottom 2. At least for this week

 

I had mistakenly assumed that u added/subtracted those points from their Flash Challenge percentages which is why I was wondering on what basis u did it. But its clear now. Thanks

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So there's actually quite a few stragglers who haven't sent in predictions yet...

 

Here's the deal, if you're just now seeing this and you haven't sent in the predictions for some reason, you can still send them to me, but make sure to do it before the official announcement of the Thursday preview numbers. Any predictions sent after the Thursday preview numbers are posted on, say, Box Office Mojo, will be disqualified.

 

In the future, I may push the deadline from 11:59 PM EST to 11:59 PM PST, to be more fair to people who have a different time zone than I do.

 

But I'm only allowing this because this is the first Weekend Challenge! In the future, please try to send the predictions in on time!

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Well, that's the official announcement of the Thursday previews...

 

The submission period is officially closed...

 

Six people didn't send them in...

 

:sweat::sweat::sweat:

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Dammit! I fell asleep early and didn’t put in predicts! I am the fail.

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