Rorschach Posted December 5, 2019 Share Posted December 5, 2019 30 minutes ago, SLAM! said: Nice Nice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted December 5, 2019 Share Posted December 5, 2019 16 minutes ago, Rorschach said: Nice Thrice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted December 5, 2019 Share Posted December 5, 2019 Nice, France Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blankments Posted December 5, 2019 Author Share Posted December 5, 2019 I HEARD YOU REVIEW MOVIES This will start in around ten minutes actually; I had some printer trouble. That said, I wanted to go over the rules right now! As you might've heard, the biggest release of Thanksgiving weekend was I Heard You Paint Houses: The Irishman - A Netflix Original Cinema. With a behemoth runtime of 209 minutes, it's a long movie, and in honor of it, my top 25 (plus the five honorable mentions) will be revealed in order from shortest to longest in runtime. The top five, however, will be saved for the end. New this year will be reasoning for my own flicks; as the reviews are more in-depth for your stuff, I wanna explain why I rank mine the way I did. When the list is done, first the top five winners will get pre-read rewards, and then... all the reviews will go up. Judgment day has arrived, and much like De Niro, Pesci and Pacino learn in their recent big movie, it is what it is. 5 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SLAM! Posted December 5, 2019 Share Posted December 5, 2019 This is a beautiful happenstance we are undergoing at this very moment Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted December 5, 2019 Share Posted December 5, 2019 Me if Borrasca ends up missing the list 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reddroast Posted December 5, 2019 Share Posted December 5, 2019 I have a bad feeling about the bleach review Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted December 5, 2019 Share Posted December 5, 2019 Me if Paradise Island disappoints: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blankments Posted December 5, 2019 Author Share Posted December 5, 2019 (edited) At an hour and 23 minutes... 15. Little Black Bugs@Rorschach Also at an hour and 23 minutes... 20. Yolanda Dreams of Yogurt@SLAM! At an hour and 25 minutes... 10. Baseball Boy: The Base Thief@Ethan Hunt At an hour and 31 minutes... 11. VR Troopers@Xillix At an hour and 31 minutes... 25. Dog Models @Ethan Hunt Edited December 5, 2019 by Blankments 2 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blankments Posted December 5, 2019 Author Share Posted December 5, 2019 (edited) At an hour and 37 minutes... 24. Thermal @Xillix At an hour and 40 minutes... 21. Turbulence @YourMother the Edgelord At an hour and 42 minutes...HM: de Blob@Spaghetti Also at an hour and 42 minutes...19. Jeremy Renner Presents... The App - The Jeremy Renner App - The Movie!@EGK At an hour and 43 minutes... 23. The Thin, The Phat and the Felon A 2.0 import entirely, but I think this is one of my better ones. It loses a little something from Frost and Pegg aging out of the roles, but it’s still pretty clever. Edited December 5, 2019 by Blankments 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SLAM! Posted December 5, 2019 Share Posted December 5, 2019 These reviews are going to be fun if Baseball Boy got the #10 slot and VR Troopers got the #11 slot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blankments Posted December 5, 2019 Author Share Posted December 5, 2019 (edited) At an hour and 45 minutes... 17. Thirsty@YourMother the Edgelord At an hour and 47 minutes... HM: The Girlfriend Hoax This was my first time ever doing a doc in 3.0, and I think I did good job keeping it compelling. I’d like to do more of them and I think this is a more than solid start. At an hour and 50 minutes... 16. Voicemail@Xillix At an hour and 53 minutes...13. Children of Eden This and the other one of my films that’s higher than it (pre top 5) were both victims of time. In this case, I was getting tired of working on it as the adaptation was a long slog. Still, I think it turned out pretty good despite the fact that I gave up on adding a significant act in the middle. I was glad to expose this musical to all of you guys as well. Also at an hour and 53 minutes...9. Pokémon: The Cinnabar Conspiracy@4815162342 Edited December 5, 2019 by Blankments 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blankments Posted December 5, 2019 Author Share Posted December 5, 2019 (edited) At an hour and 56 minutes... HM: Green Arrow @YourMother the Edgelord At an hour and 58 minutes... HM: Forgiveness@Spaghetti At two hours and three minutes... 7. Plus One If I had time to revise this, I would’ve been super happy with it. As is you can tell I was rushing for the deadline and there’s a lot of flaws here and there (still yikesing myself at aborting BDH’s arc). Still, I think this is a charming romcom where the generic aspects honestly strengthen the film. I’m looking forward to giving more attention to the sequels. Also at two hours and three minutes... 18. Shiverin' Gulch Yes this has issues (mainly that the new stuff is significantly more written than the 2.0 stuff), but I can’t wait to continue on this franchise, and as an adaptation of my own work, I did about as well as I could while still keeping it fun. At two hour and five minutes...HM: The Last Policeman@4815162342 Edited December 5, 2019 by Blankments 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blankments Posted December 5, 2019 Author Share Posted December 5, 2019 (edited) At two hours and seven minutes... 8. Teyonnah and the Renegades: A RIGHTEOUS S E X T E T @Spaghetti At two hours and twelve minutes...22. Hired Guns@4815162342 At two hours and 26 minutes...14. U.S.S. Seawolf@4815162342 At two hours and 30 minutes...6. Mass Effect: Ascension@4815162342 At three hours and three minutes...12. Spark: A Hero's Promise @Spaghetti Edited December 5, 2019 by Blankments 1 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted December 5, 2019 Share Posted December 5, 2019 Thanks for 8 and 12 so far! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blankments Posted December 5, 2019 Author Share Posted December 5, 2019 Before I reveal my top five, here will be the options available for pre-read! In the top five post, I'll tag which pick you get and when you get to pick it. Everyone who gets a choice will only get one choice... why? that will remain mysterious until the top five is up: The Muppets... Again! Directed by Casper Kelly. After falling out of fashion again, the Muppets discover they must have another successful revival or else see their trademark name fall into the hands of an evil copyright lawyer. But how do you reboot a franchise that has already had the perfect reboot??? Co-starring Corey Mitchell, Jesse Buckley, John Krasinski, and Viola Davis. Kim Possible Directed by Kay Cannon. Set a decade or so after the events of the series finale, Kim Possible, grad student, is drawn back in to the world of espionage by her old best friend/boyfriend Ron Stoppable, who has never left the field. They must team up with past frenemies to stop an old foe. Starring Karen Gillan, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Michael Shannon and Meagan Goode. HYPERCOMPETENCY Directed by Lana Wachowski. In the future, the rich have hoarded a gene that allows them to freeze time within their city whenever they fall asleep. When people fall asleep, time freezes for the rest of the city's population, allowing one to get ample amount of rest without missing a single minute of their lives. However, someone from the outside has broken into the city and a series of crimes that happen seemingly in an instant happen in the span of an hour. The city goes into lockdown mode as the police department's finest detective goes under an procedure to remove the gene and track down the killer during the hours that pass in a millisecond. Starring Jake Gyllenhaal. To be shot partially in HFR3D. Untitled Film Directed by Steven Soderbergh. A woman discovers she is being cut out of her father's inheritance due to her marrying a man her father did not improve of. She and her husband hatch a scheme to ensure that no matter what, Daddy will love his new son-in-law. Starring Tiffany Haddish, Channing Tatum and Denzel Washington. Written by Gillian Flynn. Ms. Blakk for President! Directed by Marielle Heller. The true story of Joan Jett Blakk, a drag queen who ran for President in 1992 and attended the Democratic National Convention there. Starring Titus Burgess and William Jackson Harper. Written by Tarell Alvin McCraney, adapted from his play of the same name. 3 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blankments Posted December 5, 2019 Author Share Posted December 5, 2019 (edited) At an hour and 50 minutes... 5. GATEWAYS@YourMother the Edgelord Congratulations on your high placing! As a reward, you get third pick of the pre-reads! At two hours and a minute... 1. PARADISE ISLAND @Spaghetti Congratulations on having the best film of the year. As a reward, you obviously get first pick! At two hours and 17 minutes... 4. Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson vs. the Current Hollywood Landscape Yes, this is my favorite thing I wrote myself this year. It turned out exactly like I’d hope it be; a continuation of the longest franchise I had in 2.0. That might not appeal to everyone, but I left a major cliffhanger dangling five years ago and now, I’m finally resolving the franchise that can only be done in CAYOM on my terms. I think this is funny, clever, and the overplotting/continuity nods add to the charm. Sorry y’all I think this is easily my top film I wrote this year! Obviously, I do not get any pre-reads. At two hours and 21 minutes... 2. The Most Wanted Man in Great Britain@4815162342 Congrats on your high placing! As a reward, you get second pick of the pre-reads! At two hours and 27 minutes... 3. XJ9: REBIRTH @Spaghetti Congrats on your high placing! Unfortunately, as you never sent me my owed Paradise Island pre-read, you do not get a second pre-read. You'll have to be happy with having two films in the top 5! Edited December 5, 2019 by Blankments 1 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted December 5, 2019 Share Posted December 5, 2019 Thank you so much for #1!! HOLY FUCK XJ9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blankments Posted December 5, 2019 Author Share Posted December 5, 2019 FULL list (after the top 25, my own films aren't listed): Paradise Island The Most Wanted Man in Great Britain X-J9: Rebirth Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson vs. the Current Hollywood Landscape Gateways Mass Effect; Ascension Plus One Teyonnah and the Renegades: A Righteous Sextet Pokemon: The Cinnabar Conspiracy Baseball Boy: The Base Thief VR Troopers Spark: A Hero's Promise Children of Eden U.S.S. Seawolf Voicemail Thirsty Little Black Bugs Shiverin' Gulch Jeremy Renner Presents... The App - The Jeremy Renner App - The Movie! Yolanda Dreams of Yogurt Turbulence Hired Guns The Thin, The Phat and the Felon Thermal Dog Models Forgiveness Green Arrow de Blob The Last Policeman Jingle Hell Facepaint Fiesta Loca The Horn Jane and Tony Pikmin The Trapped Keeper The Neon Psalms Walking with You Home Invasion: Part II: Abduction Tommy Schadenfreude All Kinds of Bull Irreplaceable. Thawed He-Man IV: The Sons of the Serpent Meme Thief Off-Road Rhino Riders Guardians of the Internet Understand God of War: Kingdom Come Pandas Bleach Down and Dirty Wolves The Power of Love In the Aeroplane by the Sea Super Mario Bros. All-Nighter Thomas Was Alone Nights into Dreams The Feminist Day of the Tentacle Live2ream Hoops 2 Making Waves The Pixies in the Back Yard One Big Family Lumberjanes: Secret of the Eye The Academy The Ancient Magus’ Bride and the King of Cats Borrasca The Blushing Brickleberry: Armoogeden Bummer Camp The Fairly OddParents 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted December 5, 2019 Share Posted December 5, 2019 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
