Cats (2019)

[baumer]

Meow

[CloneWars]

The only good thing I have to say about this is that I have never witnessed anything like it before.

[filmlover]

I saw Cats the Broadway musical once and absolutely hated it. I like many Broadway musicals, but Andrew Lloyd Webber just doesn't do it for me. The trailers for this, on the other hand, made it look like the kind of "see it to believe it" disaster that doesn't come around often to the point that I had to see it out of morbid curiosity. So is it an iconic fiasco? The answer is yes...and no.

 

The movie's biggest flaw, among its many, is arguably the CGI that turns the actors into humanoid cat people. It's not that it's creepy (though it is that too most of the time), but that it just never stops being a distraction. It's impossible to focus on the actors and their performances when you can't help but notice how uncanny valley-esque they appear at all times. It doesn't help that close-up shots (cause Tom Hooper sure does love his close-up shots for god knows what reason) reveal that the cast is in fact obviously wearing some fur or sporting some cat features at times. It all begs the question...why? Why not just put the actors in cat makeup and have them act against the elaborate production design? It would look a whole lot cooler than spending millions and millions of dollars on so-called "digital fur technology" that turns the famous stars in this into monsters that would even send chills down the spine of Freddy Krueger.

 

The CGI is also just sloppy too despite the budget. The movie was worked on until the last second and it shows, as there are multiple shots in which it doesn't even look like it was completely finished. That and the sizing of the cats always looks off, changing with each shot. There are also humanoid mice played by children and humanoid roaches that might provide even bigger nightmare fuel than the cats. I sat there the whole time completely stupefied how a major Hollywood studio looked at the footage and didn't say "no to all of this" before either sending the movie back to square one or cancelling it, let alone allowing this to be released in over 3,000 theaters as a holiday attraction.

 

But despite being a fascinating mess on a craft level, it overall is just...boring. Almost all of its problems otherwise are also true of the show, including an incredibly thin plot (I know plots are perhaps the last thing anyone goes to a musical for but come on now), completely forgettable songs (aside from, of course, "Memory") and dated score that sounds like the 80s product that it is, and not a single compelling character in sight. The cast is wasted, with Idris Elba threatening to add life as the villainous Macavity but he ends up having too little to do to make much of an impression (just wait until Taylor Swift's 5 minutes of screen time pop up on YouTube if you're a fan of hers). The whole movie is lacking the energy of the live performance that at least the stage musical has to offer. And Hooper's filmmaking choices means that we can't get full enjoyment out of the sets or the dancing. This definitely feels like the product of the director whose last movie was the sleep-inducing The Danish Girl.

 

While we probably weren't ever going to get an actually good movie out of Cats, this might've been a passable diversion had it been done as an animated movie (like it was going to be at one point 20+ years ago). This final product though? Nothing more than a soulless failed technological experiment. D+

 

@Force Ghost Cap

Edited December 22, 2019 by filmlover

[Webslinger]

I’m still working through my many, many thoughts about this one, but suffice to say it’s a glorious dumpster fire of awful creative decisions where almost everyone is approaching the inherently ridiculous material as if it were dead-serious Oscar bait. It’s such a precious little disaster that you absolutely have to see if ironic hate-watching is your bag.

 

I’m also glad that I now know for sure that a cat is not a dog. Had I not heard Judi Dench sing it at the very end, I never would have known.

[TalismanRing]

humanoid roaches

 

 

 

[Webslinger]

First, the traditional review: Ever since I saw the first trailer with its much-maligned eerie CGI, I have been anticipating Cats quite eagerly on an ironic level. The final – or, in the case of clearly unfinished special effects, mostly final – product does not disappoint: it’s a disastrous production in which miscalculated decisions pile up throughout the running time and prevent the film from ever being entertaining on purpose. I liked director Tom Hooper’s previous work to varying degrees and always found him to be a competent if noticeably uninspired director, but he’s the wrong fit for this film, as he approaches an inherently silly endeavor as if it were a serious piece of Oscar bait. The musical numbers lack energy and flair, and they’re definitely not good enough to stand on the merits of their own substance like the soundtrack of Hooper’s Les Miserables adaptation. Like the source material, the film lacks a plot outside of the loose framing device of each cat making its case for selection to another realm, and the resulting narrative is so incoherent and inconsequential that one could rearrange the order of the musical numbers and it would not necessarily make any more or less sense than it already does. The cast boasts some star power, but they all turn in boring performances that feel far more serious than this material deserves, as if they just trusted that everything would magically come together with the special effects artistry in post. (Except for Rebel Wilson and James Corden, who provide comic relief by being fat. They’re fat. Cats that are fat. Fat. Did you get it? You did? Well, too bad: the movie is still going to beat you over the head with this one joke.) Nearly everything that occurs onscreen is so befuddling that it practically invites the kind of ironic scorn dedicated to bombs like Showgirls and The Room, which really is a shame because as bad as the whole thing is, it’s so clear that everyone is trying *so hard* to make it work (and the musical and dancing contributions are pretty impressive, and Jennifer Hudson’s rendition of “Memory” is sufficiently heartfelt), but it’s beset by so many misfires that it rarely works on its own terms. I’m certain it will find at least a small audience, but I’m equally certain that said audience isn’t going to be there for the reasons the filmmakers had in mind.

 

D

 

Now, the fun stray thoughts. This movie feels like a whole bunch of stray thoughts strung together:

- I kinda wanna re-watch this after quite a few libations. This is the kind of movie that seems like it might just make slightly more sense in an inebriated state.

 

- I felt so bad for the cast. I feel like most of them were there because of the brand name and the fear that it would be a really big hit they would regret turning down because they didn't get it as pitched (see: Will Smith turning down The Matrix), and virtually all of them are - to borrow from TV Tropes - taking the bad movie seriously. Like, Ian McKellen really commits to playing a cat, Jennifer Hudson approaches her part as if she's angling for a second Oscar (which then made me feel even sadder that Hollywood has found next to nothing for her to do since Dreamgirls), and newcomer Francesca Hayward is trying so hard to make the jump to film. Then there's Idris Elba, whose inconsistent performance feels like the product of Hooper not deciding whether he wanted Menacing Elba or Kinda Goofy Elba, shot both, and then just said "screw it" in the editing bay.

 

- So: When I was in a grad school program where I lived in a house with a bunch of other (then) Catholic school teachers, one of our last weekends in the house before the program's conclusion, the church we lived behind hosted an annual carnival with a live DJ. That night, the DJ played that terrible Jason DeRulo Want You to Want Me song at least six times. I wasn't a DeRulo fan before that point (Wiggle... *shudders*), but after having to hear that damn stupid song so many times in one night, I was sure I would never hate a DeRulo song as much as that one. The song he does in this movie is somehow even worse. That's how bad this movie is.

 

- There's so, so, so much WTFery on display throughout the running time, but the champion of all the WTF moments is the set of dancing mice and cockroaches Rebel Wilson's character has. Like... how? Why? What?

[filmlover]

1 hour ago, TalismanRing said:

humanoid roaches

 

 

 

During Rebel Wilson's big musical number she sings about how she takes care of mice (which are like the CGI cats except mice and played by kids) and roaches, which have actual human faces and do a perfectly choreographed dance (before Wilson eats some of them - the marketing sure was right about this being the most joyful event of the holidays). You would think the Ant-Man movies would've taught Hollywood there was a way to make human-like insects not at all creepy, but apparently not Hooper (more proof you should've given the Oscars to The Social Network and Fincher instead, Academy).

 

Even though this is an awful, lifeless bore most of the time, I'm happy to have seen it just cause we don't get disasters that make you wonder how all of these misguided filmmaking decisions got approved in the first place very often. Watching this (amazing) Eddie Murphy episode of SNL right now and I can easily imagine a Dolemite Is My Name type of movie detailing how this was made being very entertaining ("Yes, audiences are gonna LOVE these designs!" *cut to a year later when the first trailer lands* "Uh, maybe not?").

[gadd]

I was pretty certain that the first 5 minutes of The Social Network was going to be my favorite movie scene of the decade.

Then Judi Dench broke the fourth wall at the end and I'm starting to question that view now.

[Morieris]

I liked more about it than I expected.

 

Does the actual mechanics of the world make sense? No, but it's not supposed to. It's somewhat competently performed. The production value of the sets is super cool.

 

But it's how these damn things look that honestly overshadows the good qualities. Film is a visual medium, and 98% of what's on the screen in this movie is nightmare fuel, front and center. Some characters look better than others (The grey cat who wasn't Mistoffelees), but everyone is a sliding scale of "weird" to "oh god".

[Avatree]

can't really see what everyone else is shouting/complaining about. the CGI of the cats is fine for the most part if a bit unfinished.

Its just extremely boring.

 

It's actually somewhat engaging for first 20 minutes when it has some mildly whacky stuff then the rest is all thuddingly dull.

[glassfairy]

B+

 

Especially at the beginning it was quite uncanny valley but somewhere halfway through it began to grow on me and by the end I was quite charmed. Was it Stockholm Syndrome? Was it holiday magic? Who knows! But then, as I said in the main Cats thread after the trailer, I love musicals, I love horrors and I love being in empty movie theaters. This really was made for the niche market of me!

 

The music was decent and well performed mostly. The dancing was nice but the numbers should have had more spectacle and scope. That's what happens when you spend everything on your cgi budget I suppose.

 

When the movie was creepy it was very, very creepy. There was a moment in the first number in the Egyptian club where all the cats were quivering and A24 and their pantheon of mediocre horrors were btfo for all eternity. The Witch hew? Hereditary what? That single moment was more genuinely unsettling than anything i've seen in a while.

 

Now unfortunately there may have been around 20 of us watching the movie. Not the low turn out I hoped for but you can't have everything!

Edited December 27, 2019 by glassfairy

[Rorschach]

The only reason you should ever watch this film is if you go to the theater and see it with a crowd of rowdy, drunk people. Which is precisely what I did last night, and it was about as amazing of an experience as it could've been. I don't think I've ever had as much fun at a screening in my life. It really is gonna become the next The Room or Rocky Picture Horror Show in that regard.

 

A+ (my screening experience grade)