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Ruk's Worst-to-Best Film List of 2019 (Counting down the Top 10!) (Finally))

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75. Aladdin

 

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See. I said I’d get to this eventually.

 

Honestly, for all that I’m about to rightfully dunk on this movie, I really don’t mind it as much as I do the likes of Lion King or Beauty and the Beast. Don’t get me wrong, about 95% of what I enjoyed about it was done better in the animated movie and that other 5% is mostly just either Will Smith or the Bollywood dance, but I still kinda low-key don’t mind this movie despite its many other flaws. More than any other, this movie feels like it affirms my theory about why so many people watch the Disney remakes. Specifically that they’re like song covers. A remake of a song that’s mostly the same, but done in a different (albeit probably inferior) way. And hell, I get the appeal. I listen to song covers all the time. 

 

With that said, this movie has a lot of stupid in it. Admittedly, most of it is just down to very minor and somewhat baffling changes in execution, but there are also some biggies. Especially the Speechless song. I don’t know why almost every single one of these Disney remakes are so consistently bad at being progressive and feminist (even the Lion King had a go at doing this), but what the original Aladdin was not missing was a weird-ass song number where Jasmine goes around disintegrating people in her imagination, before coming up with a bunch of shit out of nowhere as to why a head guard shouldn’t betray them that ends up going nowhere. It was baaaaad. As is basically her entire new subplot about wanting to become Sultan, come to think about it. But hey, got to find some way to profit off that social movement, I guess. 

 

Honestly, if you want a full rundown on a lot of the flaws of this movie, go watch Lindsey Ellis’s takedown of the Beauty and the Beast remake. Because honestly, as much as that review is ostensibly about the Beauty and the Beast remake, it's almost eerie just how many of all the issues she brings up there are completely valid in this movie too. It's written like it was deliberately designed to please nitpicky Cinema Sins-esque assholes who don't really understand how good stories work and make comments about something breaking their 'suspension of disbelief' unironically. (Because what the original Aladdin really needed was a 5 minute scene dedicated to people being suspicious that they'd never heard of Prince Ali's hometown before). And it also goes for the same shallow attempts at 'modern feminism' while ignoring that Jasmine was already an iconic female character for a reason and really didn't need a cringy 'girlboss' subplot.

 

However, it was still a much better movie than Lion King. And Guy Ritchie as the director wasn't too distracting? However, I'm not exactly going to be too disappointed when this trend of Disney remakes runs its course.

 

 

 

Also, I know what you're thinking right now. Lion King and Aladdin have both made their appearance on this list, so does this mean that Dumbo is going to be my favourite Disney remake of the year? 

 

Spoiler

Nope. I just never bothered to actually watch Dumbo. *shrugs*

Spoiler


 

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74. White Snake

 

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So this is probably the best looking bad movie I saw this year, if it's any consolation? And yes, I'm aware that is some very close competition in a line-up that includes Cats, but this movie was unironically very very pretty. It's a big Chinese production, so you know they're pouring the money in and damned if it doesn't reflect that on screen. Alas if only everything else about it was quite as good...

 

The movie itself is based on an old Chinese folktale about a White Snake Spirit who loses her memory, before falling in love with a human man, much to the chagrin of her sister, a Green Snake Spirit. Which, y'know, cool, I guess. I like to see more non-Western folktales that I'm not familiar with being brought to the big screen. Unfortunately, it also makes the increasingly common mistake in fantasy adaptations of cramming in way too much without giving it space to really breathe or be developed properly. New characters and ideas and concepts are so quickly thrown in one after another that not only did I struggle to really empathise with a lot of the characters of things being shown, but I also struggled to understand what the hell was going on most of the time. The fact that there's a framing device set in the far future definitely didn't help this, especially since they didn't actually explain that it's in the far future, until more or less the end of the movie.

 

As such, the movie feels robbed of much of the necessary emotional attachment we need towards its characters, which is a problem when so much of the movie runs on melodrama between the male lead, Xuan and the White Snake Spirit, Blanca. We haven't had a chance to really get to know these characters or why I should like them, so why should I give that much of a crap about them. 90% of the characterisation around the two mains mostly just revolves around the fact that they really like each other and too few of the side characters get enough development to make me care about them either. Plus there's a veeeeery uncomfortably sexual lolita fox spirit character, which even for my built-up tolerance for uncomfortably sexualised youths (courtesy of Japan being Japan) made me wince more than once. 

 

Still, it's not the worst film in the world and I won't blame anyone for wanting to go check it out based on visual alone. But as far as Chinese animation goes, there are better options, including one other film that I saw this year (but won't be making an appearance for a while...)

 

 

Side note: I will say though, I did also get a fair bit of amusement out of the fact that London Film Festival had this marked as a 'Family Film' when it has more than a few family unfriendly moments. And I'm not just talking about the creepy fox lolita. There's nothing quite like feeling the energy in a cinema full of parents turn increeeedibly uncomfortable as the female lead takes her top off from behind, in what is clearly a lead-up to a sex scene with the male lead. (Said sex scene ultimately ends up happening offscreen, but that was still a very fun few seconds of 'Wait, are they actually going to-?')

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73. Child's Play

 

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Okay, I've got to say this upfront here. Who in the name of God thought that this design for Chucky was a good idea? The whole point of Chucky is that he's supposed to start acting like a creepy doll after he comes to life and starts murdering people, guys?! It's especially hilarious because the movie would have us believe that this design of 'Buddi' doll is in fact incredibly popular worldwide! Motherfucker, if your final design for a family friendly product was that design, then the internet would mercilessly roast you within minutes! Did you not see the reaction to Cats?!

 

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I should not beeeeeee!

 

Okay, with that little rant out the way, this was meh. Not especially terrible, not especially good, just meh. I appreciate some of the ideas involved in the story, like an AI 'home friend' going wrong and turning murderous, but I feel these ideas could be handled a lot better in something that wasn't a Child's Play movie. I've only watched a couple of the previous Chucky movies, but it strikes me that a large part of what makes them work is their camp factor, which is something this movie is sorely lacking in for the first two thirds and, when it does try to catch up in the final third with a bunch of gory deaths, just feels out of place for how slowly they were building up the tension before. Mark Hamill does a good job voicing the creepy doll, but ultimately isn't really enough to carry the whole film by himself. 

 

Honestly, I feel like with a bit of cleaning up and a different label, this could've made a legitimately decent horror movie in its own right. There are salient points to be made about how much we're letting technology into our lives and how easily it can go wrong, but the franchise about the famous killer talking doll prooobably wasn't the best delivery method you could've picked. 

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72. Extra Ordinary

 

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Okay, so I’m sure most of you have seen the original Ghostbusters, right? Or at least heard people bitching about it thanks to a recent remake that, frankly was just averagely forgettable at best/worst. Now, this may seem like an odd question but, while you were watching Ghostbusters, did you at any point think ‘Hey, this movie is pretty good, but I’d like it even more if they made it about a soft-spoken middle-aged Irish spinster with massive self-esteem issues.’? Well good news, shockingly specific Strawman I just made up, you’ll be glad to hear that someone created a movie just for you.

 

With that said, for as low as I placed this on the list, I don’t think this movie is actually that bad. It’s solidly constructed, I could tell what the creators were going for and the type of humour they were shooting at and I think it does a decent enough job at reaching it. The villain, a washed-up one-hit-wonder popstar attempting to sacrifice a soul to the devil in exchange for a career resurrection, is great fun and there are definitely some neat ideas here and there. It just wasn’t for me, I don’t think. The protagonist was just a little too wishy-washy and kept slipping back into the same old patterns again and again. 

 

However, I honestly feel like I would probably recommend this movie to anyone more interested in it than I am. For all that it wasn’t my thing, it does definitely feel like someone’s thing and I can see why other people have enjoyed it a lot. So if you’re that strangely specific strawman I came up with earlier, maybe check it out and you might like it.

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71. How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World

 

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Quelle surprise!

 

Yeah, this is probably the first real big shocker on this list, especially when you consider how much I adored the first two movies. HTTYD and HTTYD2 were among two of my favourite movies of their respective years and the first movie is probably one of my favourite movies period. Which is why I was so disappointed at how underwhelming this movie ended up being to me, even as much as everyone else seemed to like it.

 

Honestly, a lot of the main issue for me is that the filmmakers clearly had some clear ideas of how they wanted to end the series (Dragons and vikings splitting up, etc etc) or how they wanted certain plot beats to go, but it never really felt like they put the legwork into justifying a lot of those beats or decisions. I never really got why the vikings needed to leave Berk (Oh no, one guy set a fire in a town that was practically under siege from homicidal dragons for decades!) or why they needed to give up all the dragons at the end, instead of just Toothless and Hiccup splitting up (which also felt kinda contradictory to the first film's message about dragons and humans being able to live together). It's especially irritating because the first two HTTYD's did such a great job of spelling out each character's development and why things happened the way they did. But in this film... nope. Things just happen because the plot needed them to which, if the last season of GOT has taught us anything, is rarely a good thing.

 

In addition, can we talk about how bad the comic relief was here? I remember after HTTYD2, there were a lot of complaints about how little the viking side cast got to do but, if this movie was any indication, there was apparently a very good reason for that! Seriously, the comic relief in this was just obnoxious and took up waaay too much time that should've been spent on building up the finale or the more serious character development or maybe the actual plot! Hell, an actual important plot beat hinges on one character being convincingly annoying enough that the villain chooses to let them go rather than put up with them any more! Credit to the writers for some level of self-awareness, but this isn't a good thing guys!

 

Speaking of villains, the villain in this is... not great. I get that they were going for an opposite of Hiccup, but he ends up being basically a slightly smarmier Drago Bludvist, from Movie 2. And while I do think Drago is a slightly better villain than a lot of people give him credit for, that's not exactly something you wanted replicate. And while he may have been slightly more funnier than Drago, he never feels as remotely overwhelming or intimidating, let alone a threat big enough to convince the vikings to give up their dragons. Which is again, disappointing. Heck, he gets beaten super easily in the finale, ultimately. Not exactly the sort of impressive big bad you wanted to spend your entire trilogy building up to. 

 

To be fair though, there are some things I still like about the movie. The animation is as gorgeous as ever, especially the flying scenes, Toothless is adorable and the dragon romance scenes are... fairly non-offensive. Plus the 'epilogue' of the movie was fantastic and helps me understand at least to some extent why the movie was so determined to get there. But as far as an ultimate conclusion to the trilogy goes, this was... disappointing for me.

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70. Little Monsters

 

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Aka, that other horror movie that Lupita Nyong'o starred in this year. Or alternately that other zombie comedy movie this year that wasn't Zombieland. Either way, it’s the less good one.

 

Honestly, I will say though that there are some things I do in fact like about this movie. The premise, for one. Little Monsters is a zom-rom-com about a couple of hapless teachers attempting to guide a bunch of pre-schoolers through a zombie pandemic in a petting zoo by acting like it’s all a game, like a less problematic Life is Beautiful. And that's legitimately a great idea with potential for great laughs. And Lupita Nyong'o is also great in this movie, playing a character with a lot of heart, and comedy/action chops. It may not be quite as outstanding as her performance in that other horror movie, but she’s still very damn good in this. As are most of the kid actors, to my surprise.

 

The main problem comes with the main male protagonist who attempts to balance the narrow tightrope of ‘funny asshole’ and ‘unlikeable asshole’ and plummets straight into the latter. I absolutely could not stand this guy for the first half of this movie. He was obnoxious, cruel and pigheaded to the point of idiocy. And yes, he does get better as he matures throughout the movie, but that’s really not enough to overwrite the sheer insufferableness of said first half. Similarly, while I do think I ultimately enjoyed Josh Gad as a famous children’s entertainer who turns out to be a complete asshole under pressure, he also ends up falling on the further end of the 'comedic asshole spectrum' into just ‘unfunny asshole’ every now and again. There’s a reason some of my favourite scenes were Nyong'o basically putting him into his place.

 

In addition, for as great as the premise is, I feel like they didn’t really take as much advantage of it as they could’ve. Most of the story is spent stuck up in a shack and there could’ve been the potential for some really fun setpieces and ideas that never got explored. The ending is also fairly underwhelming and ultimately, I feel they could’ve gone a lot further with the whole thing.

 

Still, it’s not the worst movie out there and I appreciate it for providing yet another fresh take on the zombie mythos. Plus it is actually fairly funny at times. It just could’ve been a lot better.

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69. Terminator Dark Fate

 

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Eh. This was about as standard a ‘reboot’ as you could get, honestly, It wasn’t terrible, or even all that bad, just mediocre and incredibly forgettable. It feels like it’s cut from the exact same ‘bland CGI action’ as Salvation and Genis… Genysu… That one with Emilia Clarke and the few new originally redeeming factors aren’t remotely enough to save it. 

 

Now, to be fair, there are a handful of things I will give it credit for. I did actually like the earlier chase stuff, where there felt like there was a real urgency and sense of pursuit to the situation, as the two sides both try and track down Gabriella. After that though, it’s just boring. Terminator uses computers to find out where they are, action setpiece, Terminator uses computers to find out where they are, action setpiece, ad nauseum. Honestly, this seems like a weird suggestion, but I’d have personally preferred to see the new Terminator struggle a bit more tracking down the group. As it is, it’s kinda at this weird contradictory impass where it’s both simultaneously too strong and too weak to really be threatening. The Terminators in the first two movies were intimidating because nothing could actually hurt them or slow them down. The Terminator in this movie gets its ass kicked constantly, but keeps going because it has a bullshit healing factor. As such, you get big action setpieces where you know nothing will be achieved because neither side is going to be able to kill the other, the Terminator due to bullshit healing factors and the heroes because plot armour. And maybe that would be forgivable if the action itself was more interesting or had a better sense of danger to it, but no it’s mostly just boring CG explodo-fests.

 

Er, anyway, to get back to the stuff I liked, having Sarah Connor back was kinda neat. I mean, I’m 90% certain they did it because of how much people liked Jamie Lee Curtis returning for Halloween, but it was still fairly neat. Admittedly, it wasn’t remotely as effective as that movie because she mostly just plays a caricature of ‘badass Sarah Connor except old’, as opposed to Halloween 2018 (or even Terminator 2) that also served to effectively deconstruct how amazingly fucked up one would be after an event like that, while having the fun twist of swapping the character roles around at the end, none of which this movie does. Now am I saying this movie would’ve been way cooler if Sarah Connor got cybernetic enhancements at the end and went Terminator 1 on the new Terminator? Yes. Yes I am. Don’t know why you have to even ask that, that would've kicked ass.

 

Honestly, other people have brought it up plenty, but I feel like the weak point of the movie is the new ‘John Connor’, aka Gabrielle. Mainly because she isn’t really given the room to shine? In the first two movies, Sarah and John work as protagonists because they’re given a lot of room for their own characters and character development to shine through. In this movie, Gabrielle is fighting for space against cyborg future defender Grace, old bitter action star Sarah Connor and old Terminator Arnold, all of whom feel like they get way more time dedicated to their characters than Gabrielle does and none of which really involves her, except Grace’s which is more about the future version than the actual her. Sure, Gabrielle gets a bit about seemingly growing into her own as a leader towards the end, but it really feels like too-little-too-late and doesn’t have remotely the punch it would have if the character had actually been properly established. She literally feels like a human Macguffin in a way that Sarah and John never did and the movie suffers for it.

 

In conclusion, this wasn’t great. It wasn’t bad either and certainly not the worst thing in the world, but absolutely not the shot in the arm that this franchise needed. As it is, it's just yet another on the pile of average-to-bad Terminator reboots that end up underperforming at the box office.

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68. Just Mercy

 

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I'll confess I'm slightly biased regarding this film since I read the book it was based on first, but honestly I was pretty underwhelmed by this. It took a legitimately interesting and rage-inducing story about an innocent man sentenced to death on clearly bullshit charges and turned it into a very generic 'racial-relations Oscarbait' movie. It had all the hallmarks and tropes of a 'White Saviour' movie, just without the white saviour themselves. You could practically make a bingo card out of all of the Hollywood tropes involved. 

 

Don't get me wrong, it had a handful of scenes that worked and the actors do a solid job (with special mention to Tim Blake Nelson, who is taking that southern accent he had from Watchmen and fully running with it), but I do think it's somewhat telling that halfway through the movie I became convinced that this movie wasn't written/directed by an actual black guy, simply because its portrayal of the black community/issues was so cartoonishly stereotypical. (I was right, although it was an asian director rather than a white one). Maybe a few years ago, this sort of movie would've gotten past me just fine, but considering how many great black-directed movies there were last year dealing with complicated racial issues in a way that felt genuine, this sort of film just doesn't feel like it cuts it for me anymore.

 

Once again though, I will say I am fairly biased, having the vastly superior book to compare it to, but even trying to view it through an objective lens as its own thing separate from the book, I still can't bring myself to be very impressed with it. It's not Green Book levels of willful ignorance and terribleness, but it definitely feels like the sort of movie we should've moved on from by now. I won't exactly be surprised if other people without my biases can sit down and enjoy it- that Hollywood formula is a popular one for a reason- but I can't really bring myself to say I liked it very much.

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67. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles vs Batman

 

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Welp. This definitely was a movie that provided those things.

 

Honestly, this is one of the movies that I feel like I should rank higher than I have, because it’s actually pretty solid. There’s good jokes, good character interaction and the story’s decent enough, if not a bit standard. It’s just… I’m so tired of Batman in these animated movies. It’s always the most boring, generic portrayal of him and it always seems to follow the exact same beats. Oh hey, look guys! They fight all of Batman’s Rogues Gallery in this one! Just like, y’know, almost all the others? But hey, they’re animals this time? Doesn’t that mean something? Just like they were all Feudal Lords in Batman Ninja or just… there in Batman Hush or in any of the other movies where they all turn up.

 

Honestly, why can’t we get a bit more variety in these things? Let’s have the TMNT fight Wonder Woman or Aquaman or somebody. Because these Batman movies all feel the exact same and are, quite frankly, utterly tiresome.

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66. Horrible Histories: Rotten Romans

 

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Okay, this movie is probably a complete unknown to any readers from outside the UK (even if you might have heard of the Horrible History Books by Terry Deary). But basically, in the early 2010’s, Horrible Histories was a live action educational kids sketch show (based on the aforementioned books) and probably one of the best and funniest kids shows on at the time. It was gory, gruesome and legitimately hilarious, with enough comedy for both kids and adults to enjoy. When it started, I was at the age when I was just starting to grow out of kids show (which didn’t last), but even I kept tuning in for how funny and legitimately hilarious the series was.

 

In fact, in the end, it got so popular that they ended up making this movie for it, set during the time of Boudiccia’s rebellion against the Romans! Only this time they did it with none of the original cast or writers and- Yeah, I think you can guess how that turned out.

 

Really, it feels like a shallow imitation of what made a lot of the original Horrible Histories show so fun. The show had great songs about historical people/things? This show will have terrible songs about historical people/things. The show had comparisons of famous historical figures to celebrities and the like? The movie will turn Boudiccia into a very cringy rock musician metaphor that absolutely doesn’t work. The show had a lot of gross stuff in it? The movie... also has a lot of gross stuff in it. I mean, it's called Horrible Histories for a reason, guys. 

 

Still, in this movie’s defense, it’s not that bad. It’s not particularly good either, mind, but it’s not the worst thing ever. Some of the jokes do land, some of the actors are funny and I'll admit to enjoying a decent amount of it, even if the 'Let's all be friends' ending was... kinda problematic. It’s not remotely as good as the TV show, but if you find yourself alone one evening with a strong hankering to watch to a British comedic historical thing set during historical times… you should probably just go watch the TV show instead. Or Blackadder. Either's good.

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65. The Kid Who Would be King

 

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Honestly, even as low as this has ranked on the list, I’m legitimately surprised that I enjoyed it as much as I did. The adverts for it were everywhere in the UK and they almost uniformly looked terrible, without exception. Yet, in the end, this turned out to be a fairly solid, albeit not exceptional, movie. Yeah, I’m as surprised as you are.

 

For any of you not familiar with this film, since I don’t think it got that wide a release outside of the UK, it’s about a kid who finds Excalibur in a construction site, pulls it out and now must battle along his best friend and two of his former bullies-turned-allies against the forces of the very generic evil Morgana, who is currently trapped and sealed in a tree… Wait a second, that sounds familiar. An ancient enemy of King Arthur sealed in a tree and fought back by Excalibur… Motherfucker, did this get ripped off by the Hellboy reboot? I mean, almost certainly no, since production times would make that complicated as hell (no pun intended) and Hellboy is probably more based on the original comic book, but still, that’s one hell of a coincidence.

 

Anyway, what makes this movie better than most of these terrible cheap kids films is that it is willing to put in the work towards the characters. The bullies, for example, start off as stereotypical kids movie bullies, but when they do make their switch to being allies, it’s not an immediate thing and there is a lot of genuine character friction and drama between them, which while maybe not perfectly handled, is definitely something new and ambitious for these sorts of movies. The same goes for the main character, who has a nice arc involving a missing parent, whom he believes is tied up in the whole magic/mystery thing, only to later find out that the truth is much more banal and painful and… Wait a second. That also sounds familiar. Motherfucker, did this also get ripped off by Shazam? God, that’s a lot of coincidences.

 

Anyway, I’m not going to call this movie some kind of hidden masterpiece or gem. It’s a decent kids film and not that much more. There’s other stuff I liked, like the guy playing Merlin (not Patrick Stewart. He’s in it for like 3 minutes, specifically so the makers of the film can say ‘Hey look, we’ve got Patrick Stewart.) But the villain is bland as hell, the pacing isn’t exactly great, the climax could certainly be a lot better and there are a lot of other issues I have with it lying around the place. But it’s still a lot better than I was expecting it to be, so kudos there. 

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64. Men in Black International

 

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Well, if The Kid Who Would be King amazed me by not being garbage, then this practically knocked my socks off. Not because it’s amazingly good, nah it’s solid but not exceptional, but by God was the marketing campaign for this terrible. How do you take chemistry as good as Chris Hemsworth and Tessa Thompson’s and fail to capture a fraction of it in your marketing? Well it turns out to be because,if the terrible editing is any indication, the two most likely didn’t actually share a set for most of their scenes. Because the makers of this film are idiots.

 

Seriously, there are so many awkward jump cuts and obvious body doubles in their scenes, combined with Hemsworth’s obvious attempts to start improvising that never seem to get picked up on by Thompson, that it’s clear the two weren’t in the same room for most of this movie’s filming. Something that becomes all the more clear when they actually do share the same room, in the scenes like the desert, and fucking knock it out of the park. Seriously Sony, what the hell? Why take chemistry that good and never actually take advantage of it?!

 

However, with that rather large misstep aside, honestly I found this movie fairly fun. Maybe it was just because my expectations were so incredibly low, but the action was fun, the alien designs were cool and the story, while fairly muddled and ultimately predictable (I mean come on, did anyone not guess Liam Neeson was the mole?) kept me somewhat interested throughout. Even if it changed what the main plot was actually about a third of the way through. (Seriously movie, why dedicate so much time to Tess Thompson tracking down the MiB if it was never really going to amount to anything?) And, like I said, when it feels like Chris Hemsworth and Tessa Thompson are actually in the same room together, they knock it out of the park.

 

So yeah, I'm not exactly going to call this a good film, there are lot of things to complain about regarding it, but considering what I was expecting going in, this ended up being quite a bit more fun than I was expecting. Maybe not enough to actively recommend it to people, but if you're curious enough to check it out, then it's probably not going to hurt that much. 

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63. Annabelle Comes Home

 

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In a year filled with loads of great and popular horror movies, ones that really pushed the boundaries and provided loads of unique ideas and scares, this movie… also existed.

 

Okay, that’s a bit harsh for a movie that I thought was generally actually fairly solid. It’s not particularly outstanding and heavily overshadowed by much of the year’s other horror offerings, but neither was it as terrible or ‘shitty horror threequel’ as it could’ve been. There were some neat monsters here and there, the story is solid, the characters were likeable and it’s nice to get a horror movie that doesn’t just get its jollies off on morbid kills. The problem is it’s just incredibly forgettable once you get down to it.

 

And… that’s about all I’ve got to say about it? Like I said, this isn't a movie that lingered with me all that long. Not everything can be Cats level of memorable, which is probably(?) a good thing when you get down to it.

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62. Abominable

 

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Eh. While I wouldn’t call it bad, I was fairly disappointed by this movie. Forced kids humour aside, I really liked a lot of the visuals in the trailer and thought this genuinely had the potential to be a new HTTYD or Kung Fu Panda, if handled correctly. And while the ultimate product wasn’t bad so to say, it didn’t nearly live up to the potential it might’ve had.

 

Honestly, I’d say a large part of that is down to how underdeveloped the main female lead feels. Yi is a character with a lot of potential room for development and emotional depth and has a lot of interesting issues that she’s trying to overcome. But the problem is that the movie doesn’t feel like it focuses on her nearly enough to really take advantage of that. Mainly because the movie insists on shoving her two significantly less-interesting sidekicks in alongside her adventures with Everest and giving them too much to say or do (especially the annoying child comic relief). Oh sure, she gets her big emotional beats, but they feel lacking because we haven’t had enough of the smaller moments in between to really make it work. Compared the first HTTYD which, while having a strong side cast in and of itself, also spent a lot of its screentime on Hiccup and Toothless alone together and bonding. In this movie, I feel like Everest has a stronger bond with annoying comic relief kid than Yi.

 

Still, I’ll give it some credit here and there. The animation is nice, Everest is a fun fuzzball, I actually really liked the villains and the slow switching of roles that they went though (even if I feel frizzy-haired lady needed a lot more explanation as to her eventual twist) and some of the magic stuff was cool. But the movie tries to do too much with too many characters and as a result, what should’ve been the central relationship of the movie, that between Yi and Everest, feels hollow.

 

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61. Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

 

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Eh. Didn't care much for it. 

 

Could I elaborate more on that opinion? Probably. I just don't want to. Star Wars discussion is toxic enough at this point. 

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60. One Piece Stampede

 

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Okay, so anyone who's not familiar with One Piece, it's basically a Japanese manga series (actually the best-selling of all time) about a group of pirates with superpowers sailing around the world, beating up villains using said superpowers and also nakama, which is a Japanese word that I can only assume translates to 'super-friendship'. Personally I've been a huge fan of the series for years, in large part because of its good characters, great humour, surprisingly strong storytelling and absolutely fantastic worldbuilding. But I'm not entirely sure why I'm telling you this because if you're not familiar with One Piece, you absolutely in no way should be watching this movie. Because it will confuse the fuck out of you. 

 

Seriously, if Rise of Skywalker was somewhat bogged down by its overreliance on nostalgia and fanservice for the Original Trilogy, then this movie is basically 'One Piece: Fanservice' the Movie. Plot? Character? Structure? Who needs any of that when we can have more fanservice?! I mean, if Ready Player One has shown me anything, it's that shout-outs and easter eggs are practically the same as having a plot, right? Seriously, this movie is basically a massive excuse plot for a bunch of fan-favourite One Piece characters to show up and do cool shit, regardless of how much real sense it makes within the canon of the series. Which, to be fair... is kinda fun? 

 

With that said though, unless you're a die hard One Piece fan, this isn't particularly a good movie and, even then, it only really maintains itself on sheer fanservice. It feels way too messy and poorly paced/plotted to be a strong story on its own, the main antagonist is fairly boring, the climax rips off the My Hero Academia movie for some reason and it’s going to be completely impenetrable to anyone who’s not seen/read the original show/manga. But as a fan of One Piece... I guess I enjoyed it fair enough.

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59. Teen Titans vs Teen Titans GO

 

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If you were following my list last year, you might remember that I was one of the rare people who wasn’t all that fond of Teen Titans Go to the Movies. I thought that while it was certainly inventive and there was a lot of work put into many of the meta jokes, it was somewhat weakened by the fact that the titular Titans were insufferably fucking annoying and would not shut up. Still, I was willing to give them a second chance and checked out this crossover involving the original Teen Titans from the TV show, that I never actually watched either.

 

And honestly? It was fairly good.

 

Yeah, seriously, I enjoyed it. The GO Titans felt a lot less insufferable with the OG Titans there to bring them down a notch or two and the two teams had surprisingly good chemistry with one another, whether it was as friends or as enemies. The plot was neat and there was a great large-scale team-up at the end which, while somewhat lacklusterly animated, was still a fair amount of fun. Sure, there were still a lot of annoying elements here and there or things that I thought didn't work, but compared to how obnoxious the solo Teen Titans Go movie was, it was a solid step up. And definitely better than the other DC Animated Movies I saw this year.

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58. Birthday Wonderland

 

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This is one of those sorts of festival movies that I had never heard of before actually watching it and, once I’d finished watching it, understood implicitly why I’d never heard of it until now, because it’s just kinda eh.

 

The story follows a sullen teenage girl on her birthday and her adult neighbour/friend exploring a secret fantasy world found in the latter’s basement, (along with a very dapper alchemist named Archimedes) after the aforementioned girl turns out to be a destined chosen one who will help save the fantasy world from a disaster of some kind. And the actual film itself is about what you might expect from such a premise. It’s not bad, it’s not great, it’s just forgettably decent. There's some neat stuff in the fantasy world and some neat ideas here and there, but it never really wowed me and I honestly barely remember most of it.

 

Honestly, the biggest shining light for me in this movie was the aforementioned adult neighbour, an adventurous soul who clearly had no idea there was a portal to another world in her basement and now that she has found out, is determined to explore the fuck out of it. Considering how 99% of these ‘transported to another world’ heroes/heroines tend to be either reluctant or confused about the whole thing, it’s very refreshing to have an adult protagonist who’s clearly out to enjoy every minute of this strange magical world and have great sexual tension with the aforementioned alchemist. There’s a reason she was my favourite character in the entire thing by far.

 

Still, one great character isn’t enough to save this movie from mediocrity and ultimately this film is just that. Mediocre. It doesn’t end very satisfyingly, it doesn’t seem to understand what it wants to say and the main lead is bland and uninteresting, which balances out the more interesting points. If you really want to see it, I won’t stop you, but there are much better options this year for foreign animation.

 

 

(Also why the hell is it called Birthday Wonderland? The birthday thing literally plays no meaningful part in the entire narrative, not even thematically.)

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57. Harriet

 

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This was... honestly quite a lot better than I was expecting it to be. Probably once again because I really wasn't expecting all that much from it. I'd heard fairly not great things from other people and I was somewhat annoyed that Cynthia Erivo had beaten Lupita Nyongo to the Best Actress nomination (which is fair enough, since Lupita is and was still much better than her and most of the other nominees) and was expecting this to be an enormous mess. But, honestly, it was fairly decent.

 

To be fair, it wasn't exactly a fantastic movie. It was a pretty standard biopic a lot of the time, with more a few... questionable decisions (like making one of the main antagonists a black slave hunter (by which I mean a slave hunter who is black, not a hunter who hunts blacks slaves... although he does technically do that too... whatever.)) But it did manage to capture some of the real cruelty of the slaving era and had a few moments with some genuine tension and heroism. Not many movies tend to shine much focus on the familial separation brought about by slavery, like this movie did, so it at least deserves some credit for putting its own spin on things.

 

With that said, it's also very easy to tell why this was mostly overlooked by the Oscars. The direction is fairly bland, the story is functional but not exactly spectacular, it feels like a cheap TV movie at times and Erivo's performance feels very 'standard biopic', if I'm being perfectly honest. It's watchable, but not that much more than that, I'm afraid.

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