Cookie's Still Social Distancing Corner - Y8 Reviews [LISTSssssss]

cookie · May 4, 2021

No vaccine puns here since I don't have one.

Think this year I'm going to take things pretty chill. No awards (except for the coveted Cookie Award), no gimmicks, just reviewing in whatever order I feel like... with two exceptions:

Like last year, all fillers (sub-1k words) will be in one post
NO GRADES UNTIL THE TOP 25. That way, my top list won't be so predictable this time around. Yes, I'm pulling a Numbers, IDGAF

I may come up with some small prizes for those that make the Cookie Award finalists, but what those are, I honestly don't know yet.

Between now and the weekend there won't be any major reviews, but I am going to try and get the one big fillers post up by Friday. Starting Saturday, though, I'm gonna be in the middle of a few calibrations. If you know what I'm saying

Edited August 22, 2021 by cookie

cookie · May 8, 2021

(Reviewed in the order as they appear in the Part 1 thread)

Snow Monkeys

Leopards > Monkeys, but it's harmless for what it is.

Meme Th(II)ves

Somehow not dank enough to live up to its title. Also, it's weirdly long (over 100 minutes) for how little plot there is.

Home Invasion Part III - The Hunted

Okay, I've honestly forgotten all about the previous two Home Invasion films, so reading this was a bit of a trip.

Turkey Squad: The Fred Durst Cut

Not sure if this was spurred on by the existence of Zack Snyder's Justice League IRL or the existence of my director's cut of The Scavenger Wars Part II in the CAYOM-verse, or maybe a bit of both, but if you for whatever reason needed more of Turkey Squad (even if all the new material is filler), there it is.

MEG

I honestly don't know who Meg Thee Stallion is nor have heard of her music, so I have nothing to say here, really. Chuck it in with the rest.

Monster Bug Wars: The Spider Path/The Scorpion Path

Setting aside the fact that they're both feature length trailers for the upcoming Monster Bug Wars sequel, the "choose your adventure" style releasing doesn't do much when the two plagiarize one another story-wise (aside from the post credit sequences, which are the only reasons anyone would have to watch both). It's kind of endearing in how cynical it is, but you're not missing much ignoring the pair while waiting for the next proper film to arrive.

A Very Adam & Cindy Valentine

It's harmless, but there's not much getting around the fact that it's a sitcom special disguised as a movie.

The Outback

I guess we're gonna keep running the animal doc gambit until there's nothing left on earth to cover. If the James Webb Space Telescope actually finds signs of extraterrestrial life, it's probably going to fuel another million of these.

Eminem-Esque

Definitely a curious nugget of a story detailing a brief yet odd scuttle between a popular artist and a national government, but its feature-length runtime with only a medium-level insight on the matter does lead to the courtroom scenes dragging their feet a bit.

Wii Fit

Quote

They laugh and have a good time, and hopefully audiences decide it's the best pizza party in cinematic history.

You know, I feel like asking the audience to follow the movie's lead is not gonna have the intended effect. And then the movie turns into Carol but with yoga for some reason.

As Fast as I Can

(Bit unfair to call this a filler since it's a player's first film, but it's under 1k, so it technically qualifies. Apologies.)

It's got a very stacked cast and crew for what's otherwise a fairly bog-standard life-affirming sports family drama, one that's hardly the most egregious example of the form but doesn't really offer much in the way of substance other than abrupt turns into melodrama either. Speaking of abrupt, switching to a drug abuse storyline before cutting off with no real resolution is probably going to leave a lot of viewers confused.

The War Between Ants

(This checked in at just under 1k with 990 words)

As a feature-length pissing contest between the perpetually petty Jeffrey Katzenberg and pre-creep factor John Lasseter, it's a fairly entertaining summary. I kinda wish it would've delved a little more in the differences and similarities Antz and A Bug's Life ended up having, as well as maybe discussing the development of Disney's Army Ants, which many point to as a precursor to both and may have more to do with the spat than most people would be aware of. For what the film does fill in, it's a solid documentary.

The Tale of a Guinea Pig

Quote

more slapstick ensues, until the babysitter is finally defeated by the power of fresh lettuce (Cersei's favorite).

Me: Elaborate on that.

Movie: No.

Out of Order: The Decline of the Arcade

A fairly comprehensive look at the history of arcades that comes with a satisfying message about the changing times and the need for adapting to those changes being an ever present hurdle. Solid work.

The Insect God

(Again, another player's first work that just happens to fall beneath the 1k mark. Apologies.)

Its ambition is unfortunately hampered by its low production values (not saying it needed a blockbuster price tag, but $8 million for a story with such scale is going to mean a lot of cut corners), and it plays more like an action movie than a horror film, but the attention to detail and world-building is still impressive for its scale, even if the characters are as flat as the animation. A decent debut, all things considered.

Frankenstein Jr.

It's perhaps asking its audience to be familiar with a fairly obscure cartoon series a little too much for most people to get into, but for a kids' robot sci-fi cartoon, it's also fairly harmless. Hardly has much for the parents, but it isn't going to grate them either.

Funny Business

The foul-mouthed version of Who Framed Roger Rabbit and Toons V. Reality does have things to say about the exploitation of labor and the struggle for creative power in the industry, even if its central gimmick doesn't lead to that much and the abrupt end twist maybe undermines parts of its central point a bit.

Walking With Dinosaurs: The Cinematic Experience

Stands a leg above most nature documentaries in CAYOM simply due to it being about dinosaurs and not real-life animals, and that it plays much like an episode of the show unlike the messy 2013 film. Nothing special, but family audiences starved for content should have a decent time.

Soar

Given the film's sudden abrupt turn into ending on a dour note, I was hoping there'd be more of Flo Hyman the person rather than just Flo Hyman the athlete before her untimely passing. It's an otherwise harmless sports biography, but also a shallow one.

Gunman Clive

Does very little with Shane Black's abilities as an action-comedy director, and is a fairly empty experience otherwise.

The Three Caballeros Ride Again

I was gonna go with a joke about duck penises being shaped like corkscrews and taking up nearly a quarter of a duck's body length when fully erect, but honestly...

I guess the sheer audacity of it makes it a bit interesting, so it's got that going for it.

Kings of the 6

Standard sports documentary stuff, even if the recency of its subject matter does add to its appeal.

Doc Dreams

An astonishing tale of arrogance, greed, and the power that corporations hold over shaping the very fabric of our lives, and— wait, what was this about? Steve James spending three hours trying to make a ridiculous filler movie? Okay, then.

The Million-Dollar Jacket

This and Romance Road are both coming out within three weeks of one another and both are romantic comedies starring minority actors that have a piece of clothing as a central MacGuffin. Wonder how long before this situation spurs its own War Between Ants-style doc.

The Exchange: European Studies

Plays like a direct-to-video spin-off to the original, but if you're looking for some light college entertainment, you could do worse.

Bailey Buckets: A Hoop Stor

The Hoops cinematic universe is upon us. Hide your NBA celebrities.

Tyler Perry's 2 Big Families

Needs more Madea.

Edited May 8, 2021 by cookie

cookie · May 9, 2021

Mass Effect: Revelation

(This review contains major spoilers)

Spoiler

I have listened to other people's thoughts on this, in particular how people say it's overstuffed, and as someone who has often commented on plot structure and films being busy in the past (though I've tried to make it less of an issue lately since I'd rather have plenty to take away from than too little), I would say I both agree and disagree on that. On paper, the film feels solidly paced and structured. In execution, there's a lot of exposition, necessary setups, and a lot of snooping around that could've been trimmed down a bit, or at least shifted around so it doesn't feel like we're running from corridor to corridor so much, especially during the whole Citadel underground excursion in the beginning of the second act. It leaves the character moments a little too far between at times, and it's probably going to make a few audience members' heads spin as they try to wrap their minds around all the details needed to be taken in.

Uhh, not like that, hopefully.

I'm also aware of what @4815162342 said about this being a bit of a necessary chore to get through, It does highlight how starting the franchise off with two prequel films before we get to the meat of the Mass Effect story was a smart move, since I don't think it would have been as manageable without all the previously established character work that makes us care about the people involved and want to see them make it through. Had this been the first movie instead of the third, it honestly would've felt like that much more of a slog. That said, trying to adapt the entirety of the first game (in a compressed format) presents its share of drawbacks, and maybe it would've been wiser to either split it up into two films or make more changes to the overall story so it doesn't feel like as much to take in.

And unfortunately, the largest casualty here is Shepard herself. Her concerns over her crew's safety and needing to accept that sacrifices will have to be made for the greater good, while a solid bit of character growth on paper, don't get as much airplay as it perhaps should, only really kicking into gear once Kaidan dies. Before that, she's a bit too much of an action hero cipher in service of being someone everyone can deliver the necessary exposition to, and most of what made her character engaging in the previous two films isn't as present here. Perhaps that's because she's at a point in her story where her character's mostly settled, but it's still her weakest arc of the series, in my opinion. I'm not saying Mackenzie Davies doesn't continue to give her all with the material, but Shepard is unfortunately overshadowed by the rest of her crew.

Speaking of the rest of her crew, the film's focus on them is where it shines the most. I honestly really love the three-way dynamic between Garrus, Wrex, and Tali here, and I would kill for a spin-off movie that's just those three going off on their own wacky adventures. It helps that there's a level of pathos between Garrus and Wrex, as they slowly realize that their animosity between one another is solely based on their respective specieses' histories and not between them as people, and so they start seeing each other as equals instead of enemies. Their relationship has a nice payoff both on the comedic and the emotional ends, and I think future films would be wise to keep them paired up to at least a degree. Liara has her own solid subplot about her relationship with her mother and how she feels like she's not being taken seriously, even if she does fade into the background once that subplot's resolved, and Joker, Anderson, and Kaidan all remain solid supporting players. Ashley is maybe a bit underdeveloped, but the fact that the movie chose her to live instead of Kaidan hopefully suggests there'll be more to her down the line.

Saren, the film's villain, is... unfortunately another downer. Topping or even matching Banes from the previous films, given that he was a far more personal villain, was always going to be a challenge, but I honestly never got a great sense of what Saren's whole deal was, especially since he's mostly a background villain until the last third. Once it's revealed that he's more or less a puppet of the Sovereign, it doesn't do any favors to make him any more intriguing or intimidating either. All things considered, he's serviceable, and I guess part of his underwhelming presence stems from him not being an especially interesting antagonist in the source material anyway, but he's another element I think the film included because it had to, not because it thought there was anything with real meat to tell there.

Speaking of the last third, for how much has been said about the film being overstuffed, I honestly thought the climax was a bit rushed. The entire Ilos excursion just felt like a detour to act as a red herring for Saren's surprise assault on the citadel, and then the final confrontation pretty much blazed through all the remaining story points in a rather unsatisfying fashion (Shepard manages to persuade Saren with a one-minute argument that boils down to Shepard going "Ah, but see, have you thought about it this way?" which makes Saren go "Oh, I guess I haven't. Better kill myself now."). I get that the movie didn't want to overstay its welcome, but I kinda left that climax feeling more underwhelmed than I would've liked.

Do these flaws make Revelation a disappointment? A bit, but not crushingly so. It's still a rip-roaring sci-fi adventure with fun characters, illustrious worlds, deep lore, and more on its mind than most of its ilk — I just feel like both the audience and the movie agree that we're at a point we kind of have to just accept isn't going to be the most engaging part of the overall narrative, since all the setups here are necessary for later, and with that I do hope that further sequels return us to the exciting heights of Ascension.

It's a big ask, I agree, but I don't think that Mass Effect as a franchise should ever settle for less.

Edited May 9, 2021 by cookie

cookie · May 9, 2021

The Last Airbender: The Boy in the Iceberg

It's better than the Shyamalan version. Then again, most things are.

Is it good on its own? I'd say so, yes. Some caveats apply, but given the challenge of the task at hand, I think Blankments Productions came out on the other end mostly successful.

I don't have the freshest memory of the first season of the series, so I couldn't really tell what was faithful, what was changed, and what was cut out entirely, but given that the movie does a fairly good job of narrowing it down to a mostly three-act structure, and the first season of Avatar: The Last AIrbender is a whopping twenty episodes in length, I must assume a fair chunk was left out. Again, I can't remember that much of it, so I can't make a judgement call on that. What I can say is that the film does the wise choice in focusing on its characters and elaborately choreographed fight scenes rather than drowning us with too much exposition, even if there is a little much of that at times. Aang, Katara, Sokka, Zuko, and the others are all perfectly (and authentically) cast, and each of them manage to capture most of what made those characters endearing in the first place.

The third act is where things start to buckle under its weight a bit, in part because it tries to rush through a lot of running back and forth and combine that with somewhat confusing time jumps, which, given that the writing becomes increasingly crammed towards the end, makes it a little hard to follow in points. The worldbuilding and the mechanics of the spirit realms and such are simple and easy to understand, but the plot got a little messy, and doesn't flow as naturally as it did in the source material.

Despite those caveats, it's a highly commendable effort and a strong start to what's probably going to be another defining and influential fantasy franchise in CAYOM, provided the makers don't slack on adapting the show's deeper, darker, and certainly denser second and third seasons.

Edited May 9, 2021 by cookie

cookie · May 13, 2021

Mighty Fall

(This review contains spoilers)

Spoiler

I honestly don't like the fact that I'm not more positive about this. I apologize for that upfront, because I really wanted to like this more than I did.

I like the concept. Despite the genre being saturated in the current CAYOM market, I'll always welcome another space opera. Alex Hirsch was an obvious choice for the animated portions, and he handles the live-action stuff just fine. The movie certainly wants to delve into the emotions of the characters and their lingering psychological issues and building up to the characters reaching their final destination instead of being all bang-bang shooty action, and I don't mind that at all. Naomi Scott, who funnily enough plays the Tamara of this movie, is the best part of it. There's a lot of imagination on display — and, for all intents and purposes, I think the film has enough of the right ingredients to be successful and spawn further installments, which I will encourage regardless of how I thought the movie turned out.

And yet, I couldn't help but be disappointed. Something about this just didn't click for me, and I'm trying to figure out exactly why.

I think, for starters, the live-action/animation hybrid gimmick feels underused, or at least, it's never used to its full potential or impacts the overall story that much outside of the aesthetic novelty. That's not a deal-breaker in of itself, but I did find myself wondering why the film's action sequences, for example, rarely if ever took advantage of being set in an animated world that interacts with its live-action visitors, other than the camera taking on a 2.5D-esque perspective at parts. Like, you could've played around with how the physics work and even how people sustain injuries in an animated realm compared to the "real" one, but the movie decides to play so much of it straight that the animated dimension and its recurringly dire landscapes honestly feel less interesting than the live-action dimension the characters just left.

As for the character work, I probably would've dug it more if so much of it wasn't dumped on the audience in the middle of the film instead of being spread more evenly throughout the adventure. The movie decides to settle into a motion where nearly all the character reveals are stacked one after another before the main crew even reaches the animated dimension (which is past the film's halfway point), and while I don't mind that the characters are taking time off to work on their issues and bond a bit, it slows the whole film to a crawl in its middle. That's before it then has to jump into lightspeed in its last third, blazing through setpieces, action sequences, and a couple of big plot twists — the first one involving Thundborr which I honestly struggled to follow, and the second involving the truth behind Allyarah's missing brother which seems to be there to be surprising rather than furthering Allyarah's character arc in any meaningful direction she wasn't already going in.

As for the characters themselves, they're fine. Allyarah is, as I mentioned, the best part, even if both the movie and her fellow co-stars bench her a few too many times. Olivia Cooke is solid as Jane, even if her character feels made out of bits and pieces we've seen before, and Trudar and Grath bring some pathos with their shared guilt over what happened in the past, which makes all the times they crack snarky comments and jokes seem a bit out of place, but whatever.

Thiago, however, is just annoying and unlikable, on top of his mother issues apparently being resolved off-screen — He says he can't ever forgive his mother for what she did, which the movie never clues us in on, not that it needs to, and then one day later he's more than happy to let Jane name the gang's ship after her with no explanation as to what made him change his mind. The gags about him and his spontaneous alien girlfriend being minors while the movie jokes about the sexual nature of their relationship don't do much to help either.

I think, in the end, Mighty Fall is sadly not all that mighty, and it doesn't so much fall as it justs rolls around on the floor until it bops against a wall and that's the end of that. There's stuff in here I think works, and I think @MCKillswitch123 did a solid job with making the writing feel engaging, but there's a fair chunk of it that honestly felt like wasted potential, and some of its confounding issues sadly dragged it down a lot for me. Not bad, but sadly disappointing.

Edited May 13, 2021 by cookie

cookie · May 14, 2021

So here's the tentative schedule for the weekend:

Family sequel triple feature (Squirrel Girl, Olive, and Pokémon) tomorrow.

New Tricks, Far Cry, and Awkwafina double feature (Sins of Their Fathers and Returning from Hell) on Sunday

Edited May 14, 2021 by cookie

cookie · May 16, 2021

The Un-Title-Able Squirrel Girl Sequel

It's not too dissimilar to a pre-read version I've had conversations about at length with @YourMother the Edgelord, so I'm not going to dwell too long on it. I'm going to leave any biases out of it as well.

The Un-Title-Able Squirrel Girl Sequel does have a bit of an issue of being a movie of two minds. Not that it's a deal breaker, but the balancing act between Doreen's internal struggle of wanting more out of her life than superheroics, which is the closest the series has come so far to being more for older audiences than for children, and the more over-the-top and certainly more convoluted antics of its two antagonists (I prefer Doom in this instance since Melissa's scheme, while more thematically in line with Doreen's arc, is harder to follow) don't always mesh. I give Endless Entertainment points for trying, though, and even IRL superhero films that have tackled this aspect better haven't always found the right balance either — As much as I love Raimi's Spider-Man 2, the whole part about Peter losing and regaining his powers without a real explanation and it seemingly being connected to his fluctuating confidence has never sat entirely right with me, even if it does lead to some of the film's best moments outside of the GOAT train sequence. But I digress.

Whether the film's thematic depths makes it better than the last one… I honestly can't say that yet, because I haven't re-read the first film in like three years, lol. Perhaps the first film isn't everything it was cracked up to be in hindsight — stuff like casting Stan Lee as the villain has become more of an issue lately — but it was also more purely entertaining. This one tries to be more, which I don't mind at all and actually find encouraging, but not all of it hangs together as solidly. The studio's usually excellent output of dazzling animated antics, even if most of it pertains to the side characters and Dr. Doom this time rather than the main cast, is going to keep children entertained throughout the film's slower bits where I think adults are going to find more enjoyment out of. Like a fair few of Endless's offerings, it is also a movie that tries a lot of things within a sub-two hour runtime, but it's a far less egregious issue than it's been in the past.

In summation, the Squirrel Girl sequel is a good one, even great in spots, but its attempts to have it both ways with being a relatable character narrative for adults and a manic superhero adventure for kids may end up leaving one or the other wanting a bit. Still, solid work.

Edited May 16, 2021 by cookie

cookie · May 16, 2021

Olive's Hallowed Eve

(This review contains spoilers)

Spoiler

Year 5's Olive the Other Reindeer was a bit of a surprise in how entertaining it was despite its corniness. Sure, it is a Christmas movie, so corniness came with the territory, but the story and character work had a genuine charm beyond that, and it resulted in a very likable, child-friendly experience.

The sequel promises to be a bit darker and more personally driven than its predecessor, but despite some surprising plot turns both in the middle and closer to the third act, it's still rather mild. Olive and the rest of her animal friends turning into humans briefly is a fun gimmick that is around just long enough to not outlast its welcome, and the dystopian turn the story takes once Stickler alters the entirety of existence brought me flashes of the third act turn in The Number One Dime (but nowhere near as apocalyptic), which I found rather amusing — Not saying Olive's Hallowed Eve borrowed from that, I just thought the similarities were fun to point out.

This is going to sound odd, but I think Ted Danson's Stickler is both a very funny antagonist and yet simultaneously not one of the film's strongest aspects. I think it's because he's little more than a mustache-twirling, holiday-hating jerk that he's kind of at odds with the rest of the movie wanting to give its main cast more dimensions. Plus, we already had the holiday-hating antagonist last time, and so Stickler doesn't have that much to offer besides his ability to harness magic making him obviously that much more of a direct threat. I know it's a silly movie about talking animals and magic, but given the movie's focus on character development, especially approaching the final act, I think a more rounded villain would've maybe served that story better.

The highlights here are Olive herself and the emotionally torn Tortie, even if Olive's own internal struggle doesn't manifest into more than briefly being annoyed at people referring to her as the dog who saved Christmas before it takes a much deeper and more personal turn in the final act. Jermaine Clement really sells the awkward and selfish side of Tortie, someone who takes on things way over his head just because he's afraid that his brother's new relationship is going to leave him in the dark, and I think he's actually the best performance in the film — or maybe I just relate to his conflict on some level the most, I don't know. The rest of the cast are fine, even if Tim and Josh are somewhat interchangeable as characters despite being in a relationship with one another, but they have their moments.

I think the longer this film went on, the more it started to click with me. I was a bit hesitant during the first act since it was so busy introducing so many things in one go, but once it settled into the right motion, I felt it did a very good job at that. I think, much like the Squirrel Girl sequel I reviewed earlier today, the film wanting to take a few more chances with its characters and tell a story that's engaging for both children and adults is commendable, and I'm glad it seems to pay off in both directions. Another solid sequel.

Edited July 27, 2021 by cookie

cookie · July 27, 2021

s592

Took a while, but after long months of work, vacation, and finally getting my first Pfizer dose, it's time to bust this one open again and finish what I started. Not sure if I'll retain the order I had in mind before the pause, but given I'm the only one left to make reviews, I'll try to go through these in a quicker pace, especially since work starts up again for me next week.

Without further ado...

~~The Scavenger Wars Part 0.5~~ Sins of Their Fathers

(This review contains spoilers)

Spoiler

Sins of Their Fathers starts off on a bit of a familiar note; A select part of humanity has abandoned earth because humanity made a dumb-dumb and polluted the earth and is now in the search of a new home, aiming to start things over and hopefully not repeat the mistakes — or sins, if you will — of their forebearers. By this point in CAYOM history, the set-up is nothing new (yeah, yeah, I know it's a 1.0 import so it's really a decade-plus old and thus precedes most of its comparisons, but bear with me here), but Sins of Their Fathers elects to not involve first contact/conflict with aliens or any of the sort, but rather deal with an internal political conspiracy that may lead to the hopes of humanity repeating the same mistakes of those that put them in this position in the first place. It's that plot turn that I think makes Sins stand out, and as a mystery thriller with action elements creeping in as it approaches its climactic finish, it's a well-executed one at that, even if I have my reservations.

I thought about how people said of the first Scavenger Wars film that the world-building and plot set-up were great, but the character work could've been better, and Sins fits that bill for me also (I don't mean to be intentional with these comparisons, it's just what sprung up for me). A lot of talk has circulated around Awkwafina's performance as Layla, but to me, she felt underutilized, especially when she's reduced to a damsel in distress in the final act. Chiwetel Ejiofor's presence also gets reduced as his delirium increases, and by the end, he leaves less of an impact than I would've liked also. Riz Ahmed is fine as the film's action hero, Omar, but he's also a bit disappointingly standard in that regard. That said, all three are Oscar winners compared to the film's antagonists, most of them being generic evil captains, politicians, and military generals, the only remotely interesting one being Olivia Coleman's Haneer, and that's in part due to how her backstory influences her overall motivation and philosophy, even if it's only briefly touched upon.

Does that lack of character engagement make Sins of Their Fathers bad? Not at all, but given the film's attention to detail when it comes to themes and messaging (the ending is refreshingly optimistic given the genre), it does make it a bit unfortunate. Still, with some decent sci-fi action and an overall intriguing mystery aspect, Sins of Their Fathers is more than worth a watch over the holidays, and should please those looking for something with more intrigue than your average sci-fi space blockbuster.

Edited July 27, 2021 by cookie

cookie · July 27, 2021

Returning From Hell

The other piece in the "Awkwafina's up for an Oscar" convo, Returning From Hell sells itself as an unpleasant yet empowering experience, but can this adaptation of a reddit post deliver on that front?

Well, as a tale based on supposed true events, it does make for an interesting read, but as a movie, it loses steam quite fast. Once Sarah bails on Edward and has her friend Sam help her crack down on Edward, the movie's pretty much over. The latter half of the film, dealing with investigations and court cases, has very little in the way of stakes since it's just one pummeling on Edward after another with next to no curveballs or anything making Edward much of a threat, so by the end it more becomes kinda comical how pathetic he really is, which I guess is the point. It just doesn't make for an overly exciting movie, is my problem.

The adoptive family that features heavily in the film's opening act is pretty lacking in depth also, since the movie never provides any real insight as to why they suddenly start treating Sarah like garbage and continues to do so as she gets older. If the motivation was racism, I could believe that, but the movie never takes any time to analyse Sarah's abusers as people, and so they turn into cartoon caricatures of abusive family members rather than be presented as people that could actually exist in the real world, which would be far more unsettling.

Awkwafina does shine here more than she does in Sins of Their Fathers, in part because she's a far more active protagonist with layers of depth to her performance the rest of the movie sadly lacks. Eric Stonestreet slips far too often into near-comical territory as the psychopatic Edward, but he does pull through when being depicted as a disturbed being that's far more fragile and pathetic than he appears. On the casting and directing front, the movie is solid overall, but the script is sadly what lets everyone down.

Would I say Returning From Hell is a bad film? Not entirely, but I did find it pretty disappointing given the hype surrounding it. It's just lacking the depth a more nuanced and thus more unsettling take on the subject of sexual and physical abuse would've garnered, and thus doesn't offer much other than perhaps some carthasis for people who have gone through such experience in their own lives. If looked at it that way, Returning From Hell does earn a few points for providing that audience a bit of comfort, but it's not a film that left me impressed in the end, sadly.

Edited August 15, 2021 by cookie

cookie · July 28, 2021

Far Cry

Gonna start off by saying that this feels more like something out of the directors of Crank than a Paul Verhoeven movie, especially of his later work. It's certainly lacking that satirical edge Verhoeven often has, with its moral underpinnings basically boiling down to "killing innocents is bad, mkay?", and even then there's not much introspection actually done. Jason is too much of a blank slate despite all the talk of him having caught "jungle fever" and whatnot, and despite Diego Luna doing all he can to bring the popular antagonist to life, Vaas sadly has far less of a presence than his stature and iconic line suggests. Far too much of the film is spent on Jason gruesomely killing wild animals or generic pirate bad guys while his sidekicks yell from the sidelines about how "killing innocents is bad," which doesn't really go anywhere in the end. As a Verhoeven work, it's sadly lacking.

As a dumb gonzo action movie, though? It's not bad. It's certainly a decent time-waster with some elaborate kills and jungle action sequences. The relentless action can get a little tiring after a while, at least in regards to what I said about so much of the movie just being Jason going around killing animals and generic bad guys, but if what you're looking for is a lot of gore and shooty shooty bang bang, you can do a lot worse. An alright effort.

47.3k · July 28, 2021

I totally understand the criticisms for Sins and if I had given it a full rework I'm positive I could have addressed those parts better.

But alas, when there's one night before the deadline and the game needs films, there's not much time beyond editing for grammar and making some minor changes where immediately obvious.

One thing I'll note for trivia purposes is that in 1.0 Colman's character was a guy and played by Vincent Cassel.

cookie · August 22, 2021

First up...

Cookie's Corner's worst films of the year

Honorary mention #1:

Spoiler

White Wyvern

I said back at the festival that it wasn't as awful as it was made out to be, and to some extent, I still stand by that, so this is an honorary inclusion more due to its problematic execution. As much as Aaron-Taylor-Johnson's hamfisted (to put it mildly) performance brings some unintentional hilarity to it, the film's otherwise dull pace, sketchy undertones, and very sketchy overtones makes it one of the year's more defined trainwrecks.

Honorary mention #2:

Spoiler

Doc Dreams

I mean... I feel like if we got more insight as to what James ended up doing over the course of the three hours, that actually would've been cool, but leaving it at a vague note doesn't really spark the imagination, so I feel like if anything it's wasted potential. We don't even get to see if he ended up making anything by the end of it!

Honorary mention #3:

Spoiler

The Turkey Squad: The Fred Durst Cut

Was there an audience out there demanding to see more of The Turkey Squad? Zack Snyder's Justice League was a director mistreated by the studio getting to come back and make the film he and his fans wanted, and The Scavenger Wars Part II: Director's Cut was a revision of a popular film released in time for its follow-up. Is The Fred Durst Cut either of those, or does it have anything of value to add at all?

No, it does not. It's the physical embodiment of a meaningless filler.

#5

Spoiler

Meme Th(II)ves

Memes are entertaining in short bursts. They're not entertaining for the entirety of a film's runtime.

#4

Spoiler

Tale of a Guinea Pig

You can not, and you will not, tease me with "the power of fresh lettuce," and never follow up on it. Talk about Y8's biggest case of blue balls.

#3

Spoiler

The Monster Bug Wars duology

The most cynical pair of releases in Y8, not in terms of tone or character, but cynicism in thinking that audiences will just go and see anything, including two extended commercials for a future sequel to a film that got mediocre reviews in the first place. There's no reason to watch either, frankly, and if anything it only made me less interested in what is to come.

#2

Spoiler

Gunman Clive

There was no effort put into this. Everyone involved deserved better, even its director.

#1

Spoiler

The Three Caballeros Ride Again

I like to advocate that people should get to make whatever they want and that they should be able to tell whatever story they want with the IP they own. Faithfulness to the source material doesn't always make for the best stories, after all, and straying from it in service of the story you want to tell should be encouraged, not derided.

But this... this is just made to get a reaction out of people. It got what it sought after, so mission accomplished, but there's no need to recognize it after that. Just carry on.

Edited August 22, 2021 by cookie

cookie · August 22, 2021

The honorable mentions

Spoiler

New Tricks

@SLAM! putting his passion project to screen is a very commendable thing, and I'm very happy he got it made in the form that he wanted, although the need to be heartfelt at nearly all times seeping into even the dialogue made it a bit too saccharine for my tastes.

Spoiler

Castaways

Another passion project I'm glad made it to a finished form, this time from @Reddroast. It is a slight film in many ways, but not a bad one.

Spoiler

Frankenstein Jr.

Harmless kids cartoon fun, even if it expects a bit too much audience familiarity with a rather obscure Hanna-Barbera cartoon from the 1960s.

Spoiler

Static Shock: Frozen Summer

Had surprisingly little to say about this one, despite the twist on its superhero/villain premise. It's a durable, if not especially memorable action blockbuster.

A+bugs+life_91ab35_6502399.gif

Spoiler

The Idiots / The War Between Ants / Eminem-esque

Three solidly researched documentaries that should hold up on their own over time, even if they don't come with any larger point or message. Each deserve their own honorable mention, but I didn't want to drag this post out for too long.

Edited August 22, 2021 by cookie

cookie · August 22, 2021

Cookie's Corner's Top 25 of the Year

#25

Spoiler

Losers Weepers

Losers Weepers's main drawback is that it doesn't lean into the darkly comic schlock fun that unintentionally graced its predecessor hard enough to overcome its sluggish parts, but the fun is still there all the same.

#24

Spoiler

Fable

While I find it a cut below the rest of the Numerator Pictures fantasy staple, with it having all the hallmarks of a 2.0 import and sort of lacking the same pseudo-comic charm that made the games memorable for me personally, Fable is a still decent appetizer to fill your time in between larger ventures.

#23

Spoiler

Dirty Hands

The last act still rubs me the wrong way, especially as the film was sailing smoothly up until that point, but a weaker Numerator political thriller is still worth checking out.

#22

Spoiler

Funny Business

Who Framed Roger Rabbit for the 21st-century, albeit not as good, Funny Business still has things on its mind regarding the exploitation of labor and does a suitable enough job in telling it, even if its last-minute twist I feel undermines the message.

#21

DifficultShockedHalicore-size_restricted

Spoiler

Far Cry

As a Paul Verhoeven vehicle, I find it underwhelming. As a gonzo action movie, however, it's not half bad. Could've used more of Diego Luna mugging, though.

Edited August 22, 2021 by cookie

cookie · August 22, 2021

#20

Spoiler

Panzer Dragoon

I like dragon movies. Sue me.

#19

tumblr_n3y07zlfek1r9icsbo2_250.gifv

Spoiler

Sins of Their Father

Could've been stronger in the character department, but a solid space thriller nonetheless.

#18

Spoiler

Mighty Fall

The fact that this film ranks this high despite my lukewarm review should tell you how I feel about Y8's offerings in general. Despite that, I appreciate the care @MCKillswitch123 put into it, and I want to see where the story goes from here — hopefully in a more entertainingly straightforward direction.

#17

Spoiler

Everything We Miss

#16

Spoiler

Up in the Sky

This wasn't what I anticipated it would be, but that makes it all the better when I still dig it. A nice surprise.

Edited August 22, 2021 by cookie

cookie · August 22, 2021

#15

Spoiler

The Lost Empire

While I think it lacks some of the charm the original Disney film had, being able to fully realize the hampered vision of the original was still a delight to see.

#14

stfu-ash

Spoiler

Pokémon: The Case of the Orange Outrage

I kinda like that this series has settled into the notion of "you're either with it, or you're not," and still managing to keep things somewhat fresh. Explains the consistency it's had financially.

#13

Spoiler

The Un-title-able Squirrel Girl Sequel

Didn't expect this to become one of the more contested releases of Y8, but... I still enjoyed it. So there's that.

#12

Spoiler

Mass Effect: Revelation

I'm still rooting for more of Garrus, Tali, and Wrex's wacky adventures.

#11

Spoiler

Learning to Care

So much of the film's interesting parts being at its edges is what prevents me from ranking it higher, but as a living portrait of what it's like working at childcare, it still delivers.

cookie · August 22, 2021

#10

Spoiler

Heartman

I'm in agreement that its cultural aspects were overstated in the lead-up to the film's release, but the end result is still effective as a horror film enough to earn an honorary ranking on the list given the genre's sparsity in the last two years.

#9

Spoiler

The Last Airbender: The Boy in the Iceberg

The fact that this isn't a complete mess is itself worth celebrating, given the task of turning the first season of one of the most acclaimed animated shows of all time into one feature-length film (and Hollywood failing spectacularly at it), but the confidence its success hopefully inspires should make the later, more emotionally and thematically complex story arcs work just as well, if not better.

#8

Spoiler

The Bronx is Burning

You probably thought this'd be higher. I thought so too.

Don't get me wrong, Scorcese more than delivers on making the cast shine (although some of the Yankees members are kinda left in the dark) and create an atmosphere of pressure and uncertainty in a city itself at the brink of losing it (although the NYC of 1977 could've been fleshed out as a character in and of itself more), but I felt like the momentum petered out towards the end more than I would've liked, and despite a 160-minute running time, I kinda left the movie going "wait, that's it?" Not sure if it was done in service of historical accuracy or not, but some added flourishes here and there would've probably gone a long way. Still a good film, just not my favorite.

#7

Spoiler

Strangers in the Town

One of the more entertaining reads of the year, Strangers in the Town is a jack of all trades: funny, clever, handsomely cast, darkly comic but doesn't cross the line into pure mean-spiritedness, and at times, surprisingly atmospheric. A nice, big surprise of a film.

#6

21849bd2-091d-4b3a-b32f-1d8f235b386f_540

Spoiler

Everything I Never Told You

Chloe Zhao's depiction of a family in grief and the pain they inflicted on one another that lead to said grief is both harrowing and empathetic, and while not as effective as a certain other Slambros-written film out this year, it's still up there as one of his most impressive work for me.