Blankments Posted July 17, 2021 Author Share Posted July 17, 2021 Top 25: World of Trouble Learning to Care Everything I Never Told You The Bronx is Burning Sandboy Flightless Bird: The Downfall of the Boeing 737 Max The Space Between Trees Holland Hannah Olive's Hallowed Eve Strangers in the Town Numbers Theory Sins of Their Fathers Funny Business Losers Weepers New Tricks Dirty Hands Animal Crossing The Wave Heist The Last Airbender: The Boy in the Iceberg Wii Fit The Idiots Green Arrow: The Ninth Circle Bailey Buckets: A Hoops Story Eminem-Esque Christie Montiero 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4815162342 Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 Honored and humbled 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 (edited) Congrats Numbers! Edited July 17, 2021 by Ezen Baklattan 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4815162342 Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 I was a bit reticent with some of the changes I made to World of Trouble with the adaptation but I'm glad it worked so well for you 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpha Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 Thank you for #8 and the honorable mentions! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blankments Posted July 17, 2021 Author Share Posted July 17, 2021 (edited) December Sins of Their Fathers – a nice, sincere blockbuster that does feel generic and a tad too sprawling at points. Bichir and Colman ham it up as the villains, with only the latter really feeling threatening, and of the two leads, I certainly found Ahmed to have the better role, as the film kinda forgets about Layla in the second half. The worst aspect is an unrestrained Ejiofor, who goes way too big for the story this telling. Ultimately, a solid movie with some really good aspects, but with obvious failings that prevent it from being truly great.Wii Fit – Cannot find it in myself to hate this movie; it’s so ludicrous but oddly amusing and weirdly touching. It’s solid! 3/5 Endless Animation’s The Un-title-able Squirrel Girl Sequel - See long review. 1/5Dreams – immediate demerit for two reasons: using a composer that would never attach himself to this project without Spielberg directing a segment of it and the use of lazy comparisons within the writing. I’m gonna be strict on these this year because I’m really just tired of reading something and getting something like “think Michael Myers but…”. Anyway even without these demerits, it feels quite dire, refusing to adapt these stories into something remotely interesting ever, and indeed, there are aspects here I assume are lifted directly from the games as they have no business being in a movie. The only thing this film succeeds at is haphazardly forcing together disparate stories that definitely feel like what would happen if you gave inexperienced cinema students an unlimited budget to make a shitty short film. 1/5As Fast as I Can – features a far too overqualified cast and crew for this story, which oddly peters out entirely at the end. Has some solid potential, but ultimately it feels like nothing. 2/5Christmas Shopping – honestly, this isn’t a good movie at all, BUT I greatly enjoyed it. It feels like an attempt by an alien who fully does not understand humanity or the concept of Christmas trying to algorithmically making a film about Christmas shopping. It’s hyper-detailed to a fault, and features such a shockingly unlikable mom character that threatens to sink the whole movie, but eventually becomes so over-the-top it’s impossible not to laugh at her. Ultimately, falls under so bad it’s good. 2.5/5 November The Castaways – honestly, this is pretty indecipherable with no real sense of character or space. It would make more sense as a Jonathan Lieberman blockbuster than anything else. The insulting mid-credits scene makes it even worse; gets a full half star deduction for that. 1/5The Turkey Squad: The Fred Durst Cut – uh… this is purposeful garbage where the only meaningful change in the meat of the film is making light of my opinion that the KKK shouldn’t be mentioned in a Turkey Squad film. No this is garbage. 0.5/5Levi and Magi in the Santa Job: A Gateways Short – I know what you’re thinking: Blank, why are you reviewing a short? Well this short film is longer than the film it is attached to so it deserves critique. This is simultaneously silly and a time waste, but it’s hard to get mad at. Next time there’s a Gateways followup though, it would be nice for Baillee to actually have a role. 3/5Loving Shadow and Light – something that is cute in theory, but I have no idea why it’s longer than a paragraph. Hard to hate, but the nonsensically huge third act in live-action left me a tad miffed. 2.5/5The World That We Knew - huh, alright. So this started out as a clearly engaging, exciting and sprawling fantasy drama, that treated the Holocaust respectfully and just felt very riveting to read, although I honestly found its leads the least interesting part about it. Then… there’s that scene. Where to be blunt (since I believe I’m the last person to read this) Jean Dujardin and Thomasin McKenzie have sex. Which made me feel so incredibly nauseous and completely took me out of the film that it’s hard to really be positive towards at all. There’s a moment early on where it’s said the camera cuts away as to not offend God, which feels so bizarre to read in a film that blatantly includes an (admittedly off-screen) sequence such as this. Sorry, was hoping to love this but that was just a total dealbreaker to me, despite the many other positive qualities of this film. 3/5The Bronx is Burning – not gonna lie and say this totally engrossed me, as the sports subject matter didn’t engage as much as I honestly thought it would. Cannavale and Jordan are great, but the show is stolen for me by Russell, who genuinely overtakes the movie whenever he’s on screen in the best sense. Otherwise, it’s a solid examination of personalities clashing over the course of a season of baseball, although at points it glosses over stuff I want to see more of, despite feeling utterly sprawling. Still, it’s good! 4/5Everything We Miss – not really sure what I was supposed to get from this? Like metaphorically it’s simple to follow, but for the most part, I found the heavy visual metaphor distracted from the gravity of what this film was trying to discuss. It’s a nice read as always from Cookie, but I just found it very hard to engage with, although the simple craft of it made it impossible for me to dislike. I just felt very distanced from it though for essentially the entire runtime, which was a bummer. 3/5Returning from Hell – a very confusing movie. The main casting is nonsensical; Awkwafina isn’t Korean and casting Eric Stonestreet to CGI on a fat suit seems like it only makes sense if you’re trying for Best Visual Effects. The story is even dumber, featuring several logical leaps and structurally so boring; the first half is essentially misery porn and the second half is the dullest possible comeuppance that feels generic and procedural without any sense of difficulty for its characters. Ultimately, a mediocre drama with no real stakes and a feeling of fantasy pervading it. 1.5/5 The Three Caballeros Ride Again – here’s the deal. I think this is garbage, but I also want to tangibly knock it down for inexplicably not including an actual cast due to laziness. It’s bad though! 1/5 October Dirty Hands – a bit drier than I like my Numbers dramas, but this has a pretty great cast, with a solid ending. I’m not going to lie and say it was particularly compelling; it feels like a significantly lesser version of 24 Hours with a political tint. However, It’s nice to see Brown as a prosecutor again and actors like Strong and Hoult in good roles. Solid stuff. 3.5/5 The Tale of a Guinea Pig – seems like it’s going to become more of a romcom than it ever does sadly. Still, this is inoffensive silliness. 2/5 Out of Order: The Decline of the Arcade – interesting stuff but ultimately feels half-assed as it never feels the need to mention about the arrival of the barcade or Dave and Busters as popular businesses. That said, it’s interesting what parallels are drawn from the death of arcades to the current decline of theaters. 2.5/5 World of Trouble – a slower burn than the other films in the franchise, this feels more atmospheric and contemplative of Hank and his character, as it sends him on his final journey. The first half had me a tad bored at points, but once Atlee comes in, the film is utterly riveting, and honestly, although I initially thought it was a tad more dour than I had hoped for as a climax, the final scenes brought me back in and made me realize this really was a special story within CAYOM. For all it’s moments it lost me, this was a trilogy that understood existential dread and how we get through the hardest of times. Very good. 4.5/5 September Green Arrow: The Ninth Circle – A very competent if generic superhero film. If it was any longer, I would’ve been annoyed by an excess of detail, but the bizarre quirks of this got me amused. We have multiple secret societies that use the same name, people insisting a woman in her mid-20s is a kid (which, side note, is gonna be funny when all these people meet up and Green Arrow and Plastic-Man will both be significantly way older than the rest of the team), and a random sports themed baddie to add flavor. Outside of the nonsensical Greengrass direction and Damon playing a role that’s perfect for Frank Grillo, it’s a watchable blockbuster that doesn’t overstay its welcome. Solid stuff. 3/5 The Million-Dollar Jacket – If I won the lotto tomorrow, well, I know, I wouldn’t bother going on no spending spree. I’d pick an arts school and pay the entrance fee, and maybe, if you’re lucky, you’ll stay friends with me. I’ll be a moviemaker, better than writing CAYOM, Lord and Miller and me on the lot, and they’re my ADs. My money’s making money, I’m going to start producin’, no racket, I’d produce Million-Dollar Jacket. 3/5 The War Between Ants – it’s alright, but like a lot of documentaries, I imagine a fleshed out narrative version would’ve been more intriguing and more of a challenge to really make. It’s solid though. 2.5/5 Floodbath – The relationship drama doesn’t work for me at all here, but the execution technically of the disaster stuff is solid. It’s a decent B-movie but I can’t say I’ll remember much of it tomorrow. 2.5/5 Panzer Dragoon – honestly, a very hard read. The characters are paper-thin, and as such it’s so hard to care about this heightened world on any level. Just very mediocre throughout, and although I can recognize craft, I can also recognize it wasn’t for me at all. 1.5/5 August Slash, Splash, Boom! – this just sucks. No sense of horror, a gross slasher, and it just is genuinely unpleasant to watch. Ugh. 0.5/5 Soar – feels very pointless? Like I’m sure Flo Hyman was a great volleyball player but you don’t really get that from this movie, and it ultimately just feels like a Wikipedia article. Meh. 2/5 New Tricks – Another erotic body horror film from the makers of Facepaint. I only half-jest, as this really is just such a bizarre film that feels almost ungradable. Legitimately so much shit happens in it that I can’t really even break it down. This will be the movie everyone is talking about this summer. Bryan Cranston deserves an Oscar nomination. No further questions. 3.5/5 The Outback – I say this every year; John Williams being roped into these always gets me actively mad. 1/5 Strangers in the Town – does not fully work for me, particularly in its tonal shifts and it’s somewhat overly happy ending, but this has solid plotting with a great ensemble really giving it their all. Just a fun little Western comedy that is hard to hate but ultimately is just a “well-done film”. 3.5/5 Frankenstein Jr. – just an average animated action/comedy. It might entertain your kids, but I can’t say there’s anything special to be found here. 2.5/5 The Space Between Trees – feels more like a vibes piece than anything else; I would agree with that the ending initially feels very anticlimactic, but that’s the point. We expect these characters in movies to be larger than life but often when confronted with a story like this in real life, those involved come to the same conclusions as Evie. It’s an interesting flick, with solid main performances and an always intriguing read. Good! 4/5 -The Wave Heist – the first half of this is way better than the second half, but it still offers solid summer thrills with two charismatic lead performances. Hopefully in the sequel, there is an actual wave heist though. 3.5/5 July Static Shock: Frozen Summer – eh? Such a let down from the original fun; the character beats that made the first one enjoyable are nowhere to be seen, and the “villain” is just generic. Also I don’t know why the main problem here is Elsa without like… a concrete antagonist for Virgil. It’s just meh, definition of serviceable. 2.5/5 Animal Crossing – a chill vibes movie that I’d probably be more down for if it wasn’t based off a IP. Speaking of, as a side bar, I’m going to predict significantly lower than I would if this had a female lead; find it baffling that this has a male lead like every video game adaptation out there. Anyway, this is fine and doesn’t overstay its welcome. Cute. 3.5/5 The Exchange: European Studies – Not as interesting as the last one, partially due to more of a focus on the American characters. It’s fine but I don’t really see too big an audience for it, alas. 2/5 Fullmetal Alchemist: A Tale of Two Brothers – remarkably dull. Has the problem with most anime adaptations recently where it never once acknowledges that this world needs some explanation to the audience; it just assumes immediately you’ll buy into it. The cast is stacked yet hard to remember; and I’m not a big fan of the blatant whitewashing with some of these roles. Just utterly mediocre. 1.5/5 Eminem-esque – an interesting documentary, but again – falls into a “this would’ve been a more interesting narrative” type of thing. It also feels disappointingly half-baked; I wanted more details on the case and funny moments in court. Oh well. 3/5 The Gnashing – let me clear here: I think this is a functional horror movie with likable performances and leads but definitely with moments of jumping the shark into cheese which breaks its atmosphere. However, it’s competent, which makes it feel like a massive relief with the recent films I’ve been reading. 3/5Meme Th(II)eves – can someone please explain to me why the first film was so simple, and this is randomly super long for a movie about meme thieves.? I’m at a loss. 1/5 Edited July 17, 2021 by Blankments 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4815162342 Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 Thanks for the critiques. Seems to line up with what some others have felt 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MCKillswitch123 Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 Thank you for #18 and #24, as well as HM, and just the critiques in general 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SLAM! Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 (edited) Thank you for #3, #15, #17, #20, #25, and HMs! Edited July 18, 2021 by SLAM! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...