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Ezen Baklattan

Y8 - THE ACADEMY AWARDS (Bronx Wins Picture, Director, and Ensemble, Last Airbender Wins 5 Awards)

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*Siena Agudong narrates the following in the style of the opening to Avatar: The Last Airbender*

Agudong (va): Hemsworth.

*A silhouette on a red backgound lifts up a hammer as thunder strikes behind him*

Agudong (va): Evans.

*A silhouette in a sweater and jacket holds up a fake knife and a needle.*

Agudong (va): Pine.

*A silhouette walks in, beamed up in the style of Star Trek.*

Agudong (va): And the one we don't talk about anymore.

*Nothing happens, but a rainbow in the background appears. Soon, it cross fades into a narration that parodies the opening and fits visually.*

 

Agudong (va): Long ago, the four Christophers lived together and ruled Hollywood in Harmony. But, everything changed when the CAYOMverse formed. When the world needed to know who the greatest of the Christophers were, the answer vanished. Today, we discovered the new test, a ceremony called The Academy Awards. I believe, we'll finally know the truth.

 

*We cut to Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, and Chris Pine getting ready in their homes, stumbling out of bed and getting ready (and shirtless!) to go about their day. A jazzy instrumental plays over their morning routines, until all three of them are in dark Green, Red, and Blue suits respectively.*

 

 

*Chris Hemsworth starts, as scenery behind him makes allusions to The Lost Empire, Olive's Hallowed Eve, Mass Effect, as well as a few sailboats and trees.*

 

Hemsworth:

I'm overwhelmingly delighted,

to have been promptly invited,

to look at the films of Year Eight and reminisce.

 

*He walks past characters from Up in the Sky, who sign the rest of his verse*

 

I cannot wait to see the picks here,

I've now learned a few New Tricks here!

I can fill in the blanks with Everything We Miss!

 

*A tree runs past, sprouting legs, as it moves towards Chris Evans, who is walking through the world of Mighty Fall, seeing Rhino Riders, Heartman, Squirrel Girl, Ash Ketchum, Christie Monteiro, and more walk past.*

 

Evans:

I think I'm bout to hit a homer,

Set the soundtrack, please, Dan Romer!

I'm the host the whole damn planet's craving to see.

 

We've got Awkwafina and Bobby Canna,

And we can dance with Holland Hannah!

And when we're all done, we'll work out with the Nintendo Wii!

 

*They all do the tree pose on the Wii balance boards. Chris Pine storms in and knocks Evan to the side, parading with folks in hastily made halloween costumes, including ones of the Sandboy, the Castaways, Aeris from Dreams, the Green Arrow, Static Shock, Tom Nook, the siblings from Losers weepers, as well as various period costumes from the likes of Strangers in the Town and Sins of their Fathers*

 

Pine:

One thing's universal.

Life's no dress rehearsal.

And I'm the greatest Chris, oh can't you see!

 

There's not a better one before us,

Why do you think they gave me the chorus!

If it wasn't clear, tonight belongs to me!

 

*The three race to the Dolby theater in Los Angeles, taking public transit (and joking about how LA needs better public transit), shenanigans ensue on the train, but they eventually make it, where Cytnthia Erivo and Amanda Seyfried, dressed in heavenly, angelic garb, are waiting for the two of them on stage, revealed after an elaborate ensemble number with acrobatics and stunning light displays. The music dims as lights flash, going heavenly as the choir sings behind the two of them.*

 

Seyfried:

One thing can't be refuted.

This trio here is suited.

 

Erivo:

To pick just one, feels quite foolish to me.

We'll watch the fight right here together.

 

Seyfried:

To put aside this deebate, forever.

 

Erivo/Seyfried:

For now, let us say, tonight belongs to these three!

 

*Everything swells up, and the entire stage goes wild as the three Chrises take their spot on the center stage.*

 

Everyone:

One thing's been decided!

You are all invited!

To see this show, like it's never been done before!

 

For every stranger and every sinner,

In here, we are all winners!

Sit back, relax, enjoy the Academy Awards!!!

 

Voiceover: Welcome to the Y8 Academy Awards, Hosted by Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, and Chris Pine!

 

 

 

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Please welcome to the stage, Amy Adams!

 

Adams: To be read for your performance at the Academy Awards is to make yourself vulnerable, push yourself in directions you didn't think possible, whether you learn to care or learn to mend, whether you pour your heart out to a dog or give CPR to one. The five men nominated for Best Supporting Actor have shown us what is possible when you believe in your story, and when you tell it with all the strength in your heart. Here are the nominees.

 

Jemaine Clement (Olive’s Hallowed Eve)

Spoiler

Olive and Tortie goes around handing out candy to them all as the song continues. Tim looks out the window and sees Olive leading the parade, looking confused. Tim goes out of his apartment complex and asks Olive what’s going on. Olive can’t hear him, continuing to sing and lead the parade, but Tortie does, approaching Tim. Tim doesn’t know who he is but Tortie hugs him, saying Olive is trying to bring Josh back. Tim looks at Tortie in shock, asking how he knows about Josh. Tortie says he can’t explain, but hands an eye patch to Tim, telling him that the parade will lead them both to him. Tim doesn’t understand, and Tortie sighs, and tells him to just follow Olive.

 

Bryan Cranston (New Tricks)

Spoiler

Ken breaks above the surface and inhales. He carries Greg to the nearest shoreline and lays Greg down on his right side—he’s unconscious. Ken asks himself how CPR is done on a dog, then finds the area where his heart is and pumps. Ken blows air into Greg’s nostrils before pumping his heart again. By now, Ken is crying because he wants his son to live. He tries to blow air into him again, and he pumps his heart another set of fifteen times. He does this another time. He repeats once more after that. And finally, Greg coughs up water and breathes. Ken is overjoyed that Greg is alive, and he asks that Greg simply take a moment to rest. Greg does so.

 

Wyatt Russell (The Bronx is Burning)

Spoiler

Munson enter the Yankees locker room (1:23 in) with a copy of it tucked into a back pocket of his pants. He has a clubhouse assistant fetch Fran, and when Fran arrives, Munson goes ballistic, waving the magazine in front of Fran and ripping Reggie for the stuff he said. Fran, cautiously, suggests that maybe Reggie was taken out of context. “For four fucking pages, Fran? That’s a long time to be out of fucking context.” Munson points at Fran with the magazine and warns him to keep Reggie in line. “Or you’ll wish the only thing I do to you is shove this magazine so far up your ass you’ll be able to read it coming out your mouth.” Fran stays quiet and just watches as Munson stalks off, the song ending around the 2:10 mark as Munson leaves the room.

 

Jimmy Tatro (Learning to Care)

Spoiler

He talked to Linda about it, and next year, Rob will be the only man at this site, most likely. Registration for the fall semester has already completed, and they have a little less kids than this year, and as such, this site will only need one guy. Now, he’s not expecting Rob to suddenly become the sports guy, but he knows Rob will be able to step up where he needs to, and take on the same role he had this year. Robby had been debating on leaving for a few years now, but this was the year for two reasons: one, Robby needed to move on, but moreover, Robby knew he could trust Rob to handle whatever comes his way. Robby gives Rob a bear-hug, and tells him that he is so proud of how much he has changed for the better over the past year, and he knows that, even though the kids might not remember their names eventually, they will be forever affected positively by Rob’s caretaking of them.

 

Chow Yun-Fat (The Last Airbender: The Boy in the Iceberg)

Spoiler

Iroh then goes below deck, and meets up with a member of Zuko’s crew wearing a full Fire Nation uniform with a face-covering mask. It is, of course, Zuko. Iroh tells him if he hopes to capture the Avatar in the chaos of the invasion, he should take a lifeboat now. Zuko nods and tries to leave. Iroh first grabs his shoulder, and tells him that he is sorry if he ever or overworries about Zuko; ever since the loss of his own son, he has grown to view Zuko in the same paternal sense. Zuko, realizing the gravity of what Iroh has said, gives Iroh a hug. Iroh hugs back, with light tears in his eyes, and tells Zuko to be safe.

 

Adams: And the Oscar goes to...

 

Spoiler

JIMMY TATRO (LEARNING TO CARE)

 

This still feels unreal. Not just this award, but this whole movie has been an insane process to me. From winning a performance over lead actors and actresses at a festival to this honor now, the fact that my performance is often listed as the highlight of a truly great movie to be involved with still totally blows my mind. I'd like to thank Nick, Ash and everyone else involved with Learning to Care in giving me a great space to perform in. More though, I'd like to thank Brett for casting me in the role of Robby and giving me so much room to play around with him, while not forgetting to reign me in when I was getting too goofy in some of those bigger scenes. I'd also like to thank a man who was nominated here four years ago - well, not here here but in another category - Tony Yacenda. In all honesty, I would not have the career I have without Tony's friendship, mentorship and casting. From my first big TV show, to being a big role in a culturally defining film, I do not think I would be where I am in my career today without him first taking a chance on me in both his television and cinematic debuts, and I'll always be grateful for that. Finally, I'd like to thank my family, of course, for putting up with my  YouTube channel, saying I was probably more talented than just making dumb videos on the Internet. Well, it looks like they were all right. Thank you again!

 

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Now, please welcome Yara Shahidi and Hailee Steinfeld.

 

Shahidi: As two stars of the scariest films of the year, we'd like to tell you about one of the most important elements of our genre, Sound.

Steinfeld: Whether it's a chilling jump scare, an ominous creak, or even a clever misdirection, sound design is a vital tool for storytellers in film, and this extends even beyond genre.

Shahidi: These five films offer cutting edge creation of sound effects in worlds including a multidimensional rift in space, a kingdom of incredible powers, turn of the millenium Amsterdam, spaceships full of intrigue, and more. They are the nominees for Best Sound Editing.

 

Holland Hannah

The Last Airbender: The Boy in the Iceberg

Mass Effect: Revelation

Mighty Fall

Sins of their Fathers

 

Shahidi: And the Oscar goes to...

 

Spoiler

HOLLAND HANNAH

 

This is truly an incredible honor. We knew we'd have to create a truly special soundscape to compliment the euphoric soundtrack of 90s Europe's club scene, and we're beyond grateful to be honored in this regard. We're going to spend the rest of the night playing Dance Dance Revolution, if you don't mind.

 

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1 minute ago, Ezen Baklattan said:

Now, please welcome Yara Shahidi and Hailee Steinfeld.

 

Shahidi: As two stars of the scariest films of the year, we'd like to tell you about one of the most important elements of our genre, Sound.

Steinfeld: Whether it's a chilling jump scare, an ominous creak, or even a clever misdirection, sound design is a vital tool for storytellers in film, and this extends even beyond genre.

Shahidi: These five films offer cutting edge creation of sound effects in worlds including a multidimensional rift in space, a kingdom of incredible powers, turn of the millenium Amsterdam, spaceships full of intrigue, and more. They are the nominees for Best Sound Editing.

 

Holland Hannah

The Last Airbender: The Boy in the Iceberg

Mass Effect: Revelation

Mighty Fall

Sins of their Fathers

 

Shahidi: And the Oscar goes to...

 

  Hide contents

HOLLAND HANNAH

 

This is truly an incredible honor. We knew we'd have to create a truly special soundscape to compliment the euphoric soundtrack of 90s Europe's club scene, and we're beyond grateful to be honored in this regard. We're going to spend the rest of the night playing Dance Dance Revolution, if you don't mind.

 

 

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Steinfeld: Not to be outdone, our next category focuses on the layering of sounds within the rest of the film, blending together to create a truly incredible sensory experience. Here are the nominees for Best Sound Mixing.

 

Holland Hannah

The Last Airbender: The Boy in the Iceberg

Mass Effect: Revelation

Sins of their Fathers

Sandboy

 

Shahidi: And the Oscar goes to...

 

Spoiler

HOLLAND HANNAH

 

Okay, it would have been SUPER awkward if we lost this. We had the same DDR place in mind. Huge shoutout to the other nominees, you did truly amazing work. It just might have been a VERY long night if we had to split this. Now I sound like a total ass. Can I say that on TV? I should probably go now. Thanks, everyone!

 

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1 minute ago, Ezen Baklattan said:

Steinfeld: Not to be outdone, our next category focuses on the layering of sounds within the rest of the film, blending together to create a truly incredible sensory experience. Here are the nominees for Best Sound Mixing.

 

Holland Hannah

The Last Airbender: The Boy in the Iceberg

Mass Effect: Revelation

Sins of their Fathers

Sandboy

 

Shahidi: And the Oscar goes to...

 

  Hide contents

HOLLAND HANNAH

 

Okay, it would have been SUPER awkward if we lost this. We had the same DDR place in mind. Huge shoutout to the other nominees, you did truly amazing work. It just might have been a VERY long night if we had to split this. Now I sound like a total ass. Can I say that on TV? I should probably go now. Thanks, everyone!

 

 

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The first nominated song of the night, "How to Care" is performed on stage by Brigette Lundy-Paine, accompanied by Keegan DeWitt, in a minimalist, acoustic performance.

 

Presenting last year's winner for Best Supporting Voice Performance, Michael Sheen.

 

Sheen: Voice acting presents its own unique challenges and surprises that live action performance doesn't necessarily allow, whether you're in a motion capture suit or even just a recording booth. In the best cases, the visuals and performance compliment each other beautifully, as is the case for the nominees for Best Supporting Voice Performance. They are...

 

Dee Bradley Baker (Mighty Fall)

Spoiler

Trudar looks at Jane with sore eyes, finally having the courage to talk to Jane about this. He looks at her as if he recognizes something in her that he’s stunned Grath somehow missed it.

 

Trudar: Your eyes… they remind me of someone I knew.

Jane: What do you mean?

Trudar: I don’t know, it’s like… it’s hard to explain it when you have a feeling like this in the moment, doll. All I’ll say is that you remind me of someone.

Jane: Well, you have to tell me now!

Trudar: … you remind me of a friend that I had. A friend that I lost on that day… when the IGP was attacked. Do you have any idea of who your father was?

Jane: Umm, yes, I do. His name was Victor.

 

Trudar looks wide-eyed.

 

Trudar: Victor… Victor who?

Jane: … Victor Foiles.

 

Trudar can’t believe it.

 

Jane: My and my brother’s last name is Medina, after our mom, and what we know is that he left us when we were children and she was still very young. We never knew what happened to him… but my mom... 

Trudar: I’m sorry about that.

Jane: It’s okay.

 

Trudar takes a moment, and walks back a few steps to recompose himself, but he can’t hold back his emotion at the moment.

 

Jane: What’s wrong?

 

Trudar turns back to her, and he grabs her shoulders.

 

Trudar: I’m… I’m sorry.

Jane: You already said that.

Trudar: No…. I’m sorry.

 

Giancarlo Esposito (Mass Effect: Revelation)

Spoiler

Shepard shoots at Saren, but the shots ricochet off an energy shield and Saren says it is pointless to keep fighting. “I have always been a step ahead of you Shepard, and now I have all that I need.”

 

SHEPARD: To bring back the Reapers? To wipe out all life across the galaxy?

SAREN: To save all life across the galaxy! You have seen just a fraction of what the Reapers are capable of. We have no chance to defeat them! Sentient life’s only way of survival is to make the Reapers believe that we are worthy of existence.

SHEPARD: You can’t possibly believe that! They wiped out every sentient species from the Protheans going back who knows how long! What would make us different?

SAREN: My alliance with Sovereign has given me access to information. I have learned that the Reapers during their invasions kept certain species alive for years, decades, centuries afterwards, because the species were useful. If we can convince the Reapers of the same, then we can live through this. If we fight, we will just be destroyed like all the others!

 

James McAvoy (Everything We Miss)

Spoiler

The tree dances all to itself, engaging in elaborate hops and pirouettes set to the film’s score. When the man’s car shines its lights on it, the tree hastily returns to its original position, still in place as the light disappears, as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. The man keeps on driving.

 

“The lone drone of the car’s engine is heard, and ignored, from sleepy bedroom windows for miles around. The birds are starting to sing, cruelly reminding the sleepless that they’re close to missing their deadline.

 

The only other sound is made by a watchful giant at sea, slipping beneath the surface with a ripple and plop.”

 

Imogen Poots (Everything We Miss)

Spoiler

He’s left standing on the platform, alone. It’s only then he realizes he has three missed calls and a voicemail left on his phone.

 

It’s from Anna.

 

”I don’t know where the hell you are, but I’ve waited for an hour, and now I’m going home. Don’t even think about turning up here. You missed your chance. I’m done. Sorry.”

 

Will buries his face in his shirt as he hears the beep. The camera pulls away, watching the train leave in the far horizon.

 

Shahadi Wright-Joseph (Olive's Hallowed Eve)

Spoiler

As soon as Stickler wraps it up, he tells Karrie that it’s time, letting her free from her birdcage. Utterly jubilant, Karrie flies around the room, leaving Tortie to ask what she means by time. How is Stickler gonna fix the world? Rather than answer, Stickler sneers and tells Karrie she knows what to do. Karrie immediately hits Tortie at a variety of pressure points to knock him out and make him fall asleep. Karrie tells Stickler to start what they came here for, and Stickler begins to cast a spell of his own creation, one designed to remove all animals from the world, changing them into human beings.

 

Sheen: As the saying goes, the Oscar goes to...

 

Spoiler

IMOGEN POOTS (EVERYTHING WE MISS)

 

Wow! I would have lost many a bet on this, but my gratitude is beyond words. Thank you so much for supporting this film, and thank you just the same to the beautiful contributions from James and George, two incredible performers who I can now call true friends, in crafting this tale. Michael and Luke, I simply can't forget you either, thank you for forging this unique and wonderful tale, one I was proud to be a part of. Keep an eye out when you head home or before you go to sleep, you don't know what you might miss!

 

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And now, our first taste of what's to come in Y9....

 

Spoiler

 

 

"I can still feel her from that night...I don't want to touch anything soft."

 

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"You don't know what it feels like to be an animal whose life is always in danger."

 

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"Failure is not an option. Failure onstage is the same as death."

 

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ALPHA PICTURES presents

BEASTARS

starring ALEX WOLFFMAYA HAWKE and TIMOTHÉE CHALAMET

with TAYLOR RUSSELL and VIVEIK KALRA

based on the manga series by PARU ITAGAKI

directed by JENNIFER YUH NELSON

 

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Ladies, gentlemen, and all who reject the binary, Sandra Oh!

 

Oh: Given the incredible spread of nonfiction storytelling this year, we are pleased to announce that we expanded the Best Documentary Feature category to five films. These engaging and courageous tales explore the world of sports underdogs, cinematic rivalries, copyright infringement, corporate negligence, and changing times. The nominees are..

 

Eminem-esque

Flightless Bird: The Downfall of the Boeing 737 MAX

Out of Order: The Decline of the Arcade

The Idiots

The War Between Ants

 

Oh: And the Oscar goes to...

 

Spoiler

FLIGHTLESS BIRD

THE DOWNFALL OF THE BOEING 737 MAX

Thank you for the acclaim and success that this film has been given. We hope this story will bring some justice to those who have senselessly lost their lives in the interest of a quick buck, and inspires more and more people to take a stand against such injustice in their worlds.

 

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Now for the stars of the upcoming Beastars, Alex Wolff and Maya Hawke.

 

Wolff: I wonder why this film in particular is getting presenters to hype a Y9 film.

Hawke: Makes you wonder about the producers of this ceremony.

Wolff: It's something to ponder after we present the award for Best Film Editing.

Hawke: Oh yes, cutting scenes. Telling coherent stories. All important. Here are the nominees. Let's get it over with so I can build on this conspiracy.

 

The Bronx is Burning

Everything I Never Told You

Holland Hannah

Learning to Care

World of Trouble

 

Wolff: And the winner is...

 

Spoiler

THE BRONX IS BURNING

 

Thelma Schoonmaker: Marty, you prove time and time again why I love collaborating with you, and why I value this art form so deeply. Films employ thousands, and every role is part of telling amazing stories like this. This award is to everyone who works on films, from our interns to our producers. Thank you.

 

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The second song, Bright Magic, is performed, which features Spirit-esque halloween costumers dancing with ribbons while Jake Gyllenhaal and Zendaya sing together on stage.

 

After the song, Mark Rylance walks onto the stage.

 

Rylance: One of the most vital elements of visual storytelling lies in the world your characters inhabit, and the designers here have created spheres full of vibrant detail, rich energy, and meticulous craft that invite viewers to escape to somewhere truly unique and inspiration. I'm pleased to present the nominees for Best Production Design.

 

The Bronx is Burning

The Last Airbender: The Boy in the Iceberg

The Lost Empire

Strangers in the Town

The World That We Knew

 

Rylance: The Academy award goes to...

 

Spoiler

THE LAST AIRBENDER: THE BOY IN THE ICEBERG

 

Production designer #1: Thank you to my parents for encouraging me here, thank you Michael DeMartino and Bryan Konietzko for creating such a world to play in that allowed for these tremendous sets. And thank you Jon for inviting us aboard this adventure.

 

Production designer #2: We are excited to get back to work! Thanks.

Edited by Ezen Baklattan
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