Slam! Movie Reviews: Y9 Edition || **PYRAMID RESCUE**

[SLAM!]

@El Squibbonator @4815162342 @lamamama @MCKillswitch123 @Xillix @YM!

 

Slam: Welcome to Slam! Movie Reviews Y9 Edition! Hey, what's going on?

 

Slam gasps. A mummy in a 1950s mobster outfit kicks down the door! Mummy mobsters flood inside, threaten Slam with tommy guns, and take him away. One says, "leave the typewriter, take the cannoli!"

 

Cut to a police station; a sheriff debriefs Dynamo Dean, an Indiana Jones clone played by Harry Styles.

 

Dynamo Dean: Tell me the scoop, sheriff.

Sheriff: Slam, the head editor of Slam! Movie Reviews, has been kidnapped and held for ransom. He's been taken in the catacombs below an Egyptian pyramid, and it's up to you to get him out of there. But you can't do it alone. You need some help! Here, use these items to write an open request!

 

The sheriff hands Dynamo Dean a pen and paper. Dynamo Dean writers a letter, prints multiple copies, puts each one in an envelope, and drops them in a mailbox. The tagged CAYOM writers get this letter:

 

Spoiler

My review cycle for Y9 is going to be a little different! Don't worry, I'll still write magazine spotlights after this event. But the Mummy Mafia debacle has instigated a Cayom Review Conundrum:

 

🌴 PYRAMID RESCUE 🌴

 

Each player requests a review of one film that they themselves wrote. If a player didn't write anything for Y9, that player can request a film written by someone else. And each requested film gets a very thorough review! Yes, in the past, my spotlights had been more thorough than my review blurbs, but since the films I choose for spotlights can be random, this is a chance to guarantee that a specific film gets a thorough review.

 

Also, characters from the film you request for this review style will be a part of fun gags where they help Dynamo Dean progress through the Egyptian catacombs in his attempt to rescue the head editor of Slam! Movie Reviews. And once he's rescued (aka all the Pyramid Rescue films have been reviewed), Slam will immediately get to work on the Monthly Spotlight review style from previous game years. (However, due to Pyramid Rescue, double spotlights are less likely.)

 

[@lamamama Because you only posted one film for Y9, Second Dimension: Last Hope has been selected for Pyramid Rescue by default.]

 

After requests are made, the order of reviews will be randomized (or handpicked based on something like story length or whatnot). I will read every film selected for Pyramid Rescue before reviewing them because I want to respect the characters if I'm putting them in story-based gags. I'm slammed with work and obligations until around 2:00 PM EST on Thursday, so please try to request a film by then. If anyone doesn't request a film by then, don't worry, I'll slot you at the bottom of my Pyramid Rescue schedule; and if you haven't requested a film by the time I get to your slot, I'll pick a film out of your slate.

 

I will be giving these films a review score right away, so keep that in mind when you're making your decision! Here's a reminder of my review score ideology—and yes, I'm using my GameInformer review method again, with .25, .5, .75, and .0 variants of the following scores:

 

Spoiler

10 - 🎳 STRIKE! 🎳

9 - Great

8 - Impressive

7 - Good

6 - Iffy

5 - Flawed

4 - Mediocre

3 - Bad

2 - Terrible

1 - 🎳 GUTTER BALL! 🎳 

 

Good luck everyone! And good luck to the brave protagonists and/or deuteragonists selected to traverse the pyramid with Dynamo Dean!

 

 

Edited July 20, 2022 by SLAM!

[MCKillswitch123]

I request Runaway Train to enter the Pyramid Rescue 

[El Squibbonator]

I request Raven Island. 

Edited July 20, 2022 by El Squibbonator

[4815162342]

I'll request Heremias

[Ethan Hunt]

I'll request The Queen Who Never Was

[YM!]

Sleepy Hollow

[SLAM!]

@El Squibbonator @Ethan Hunt @4815162342 @lamamama @MCKillswitch123 @Xillix @YM!

 

THE REQUESTS ARE IN!

 

I've finalized the group of films participating in Pyramid Rescue! They are:

 

1st: Second Dimension: Last Hope

- picked first because I'm dying to talk about it and the writer's been waiting about three months for feedback

2nd: Heremias

- since Numbers has two films, I'm putting the two far apart from each other in the list, and I achieve that in part by making Heremias second

3rd: Raven Island

- this feels like a good place for it imo, and the writer's been waiting for feedback for a while

4th: Runaway Train

- the music will boost Dynamo Dean's morale so he can successfully complete the quest

5th: Sleepy Hollow

- I want a degree of separation between the other animated films, and I also want to follow up Runaway Train with a skit that might be more serious in tone depending on Sleepy Hollow's thriller tone

6th: Ultraman: Dark Future

- I talked to Xillix and he gave me permission to pick this one; having Ultraman involved in the search party will be fun; I want this as a palette cleanser between Sleepy Hollow and Queen Who Never Was

7th: The Queen Who Never Was

- picked last since the film was requested by someone other than its writer, though that's a blessing in disguise because Queen Who Never Was makes sense as the finale

 

Again, I'll be reading all the films I haven't read yet (four of them), with some slight "reacquainting myself" for the others, and I'll start posting Pyramid Rescue skits and the films' reviews in one week from now at the very latest. Thank you guys!

Edited July 21, 2022 by SLAM!

[SLAM!]

I had a dream a few months ago. I was in a car, traveling on a beach town road, driving on stone bridges over the saltwater canals where the yachts are. I was with my screenwriting professor, and he's not just any professor. He's written and directed a feature film that was shortlisted for the foreign language Oscar, so he knows exactly what he's talking about.

 

We get in a conversation about scripts, and then he asks me a question:

 

"Which ones do you read?"

 

And my answer's shocking. I reply:

 

"Only the good ones."

 

Then he asks me why. Whatever my answer was, it wasn't a good one, not even good enough to remember.

 

My professor turns to me and says:

 

"When you go fishing,

     do you only catch big fish?"

 

That's when I woke up.

[SLAM!]

READING TRACKER

 

Eager to see what I've read and what I haven't read, or if I'm making progress toward my goal of reading all the Pyramid Rescue films before doing the reviews? Look no further! I'll be using an 'X' emoji for what I still need to read and a 'checkmark' emoji for what I've read so far!

 

Second Dimension: Last Hope ✅

Heremias ✅

Raven Island ✅

Runaway Train ✅

Sleepy Hollow ✅

Ultraman: Dark Future ✅

The Queen Who Never Was ✅

Edited July 22, 2022 by SLAM!

[SLAM!]

@El Squibbonator @4815162342 @lamamama @MCKillswitch123 @Xillix @YM!

 

🌴 PYRAMID RESCUE 🌴

Studio: Slam

Director: Slam

Genre: Adventure/Comedy

Release Date: [time of posting]

Theater Count: straight-to-BOT

MPAA Rating: PG-13 for Language and Violence

Budget: n/a

Runtime: Nine Posts (including this one)

 

Cast

Harry Styles as Dynamo Dean

Himesh Patel as Kief

David Diggs as Leo

Erin Kellyman as Madeline

Jason Clarke as Candor

Daniel Dae Kim as James

Lakeith Stanfield as Marcus (voice role)

Harry Richard Millhouse* (voice role)

Joaquin Phoenix as Dave Pirner

Michael B. Jordan as G. Ichabod Crane (voice role)

Michael B. Jordan (again) as Aaron/Ultraman

Samara Weaving as Rhaenys Targaryen

with Dave Bautista as The Mummy Mini-Boss

and Tom Cruise as The Pharaoh

 

* = fictional

 

Plot Summary

 

Fade in on a dusty Egyptian desert. Dynamo Dean checks his watch as he impatiently waits near a tall Egyptian pyramid.

 

Dynamo Dean: I gave them a call time and they've all blown past it... C'mon, we don't got all day, we've got an editor to save!

 

A portal forms nearby. Keif and his party of heroes from Second Dimension: Last Hope jump out of the portal and exchange some playful banter, and Dynamo Dean gives them a warm welcome.

 

They point to the sky, and a griffin flies to the group and transforms into Marcus.

 

Keif: Cool! The griffin became a person!

 

Then a raven flies in and shape-shifts into a mysterious boy names Corax.

 

Keif: Okay, uh... Well, that's still cool!

 

Then a limo drives up and drops off the frontman of Soul Asylum, Dave Pirner. He's brought his acoustic guitar and everything. He greets everyone, and Leo's excited that Dave's music can raise their spirits during the quest.

 

Candor looks over and sees that Ichabod Crane is standing there. He asks Ichabod how long he's been standing there, and Ichabod shrugs his shoulders.

 

Then... stomp. stomp. stomp. The ground shakes, and all the characters look over to see Ultraman (giant man in superhero costume for the uninitiated) running over from a distance. Ultraman into a normal-sized man named Aaron. Ichabod and Aaron eye one another and ask how they're so similar to each other.

 

Then Rhaenys Targaryen rides through the sky on a dragon, prompting oohs and aahs from the characters. She lands stylishly and thanks Dynamo Dean for the invite.

 

Dynamo Dean gives a big speech about the importance of saving Slam! Movie Review's editor-in-chief from the mummy mafia, and it comically fails to rally anyone, and the characters all just stare blankly at him. Dynamo Dean reluctantly offers everyone a pancake breakfast at IHOP if they help him. That gets them going! Everyone follows Dynamo Dean into the pyramid...

 

*REVIEWS BEGIN TOMORROW*

 

Edited July 23, 2022 by SLAM!

[SLAM!]

@lamamama

 

Part One—Second Dimension: Last Hope

 

The heroes traverse the pyramid and are immediately ambushed by a gang of mummy mafia mummies. They're led by the Mummy Mini-Boss (Bautista). Keif and his party shout that they'll the mummies, and they attack the mummies with their corresponding powers from the film (for example, James uses magic against the mummies). Madeline kicks the mini-boss in the face, and the mini-boss tumbles across the room before falling into a chasm and getting impaled on spikes. Leo high-fives the group, and Dynamo Dean leads the group further into the cave.

 

**The following review contains spoilers.**

 

Spoiler

So. Second Dimension: Last Hope. It's a strange and complicated beast of a film, but it's undeniably one of the biggest blockbusters of the year. I have a few critiques and a lot of impressions to give to this one, but my main point is that when this film hits its highs, it really soars! I was surprised at how much I enjoyed reading it!

 

Writing Critique

I'm gonna start with the most glaring issue, which is the film's inattentiveness to grammar and formatting. Spelling and grammar mistakes are way too plentiful in this film, and it would have been nice for the paragraphs to have spaces between them. These are the kind of grammar mistakes made by a writer who's passionate, imaginative, and chomping at the bit to get what's in their mind out on the page—and I really admire that passion, but it's getting in the way of presenting clear prose to readers. It's an old adage—the reader owes the writer nothing, and if there's too many grammar mistakes, it's very easy for them to put the story down. Next you write a story, don't change the way you poured words onto the page, but do be willing to clean up your sentences and make the google document more presentable for readers.

 

One frustrating thing about the story was that not all characters were given a cast member; most of the important ones have one, but it's frustrating when I'm unable to imagine all of the roles. Also, there's Leo, Daveed Diggs's character Leo, and then there's Leon, the character who impales Artis. Through the whole film, I was thinking it was Leo who was the traitor—but that's the thing, it didn't make sense that Leo would do that. So when Leo valiantly fights with the party throughout the film and dies in his battle with Elden, I'm like, oh, so he didn't betray them. This confusion was possible because Leo and Leon are way too similar of names to be held by two different characters in the same story. That made my reading experience frustrating, and too-similar-names is something to watch out for going forward.

 

Story Impressions

This film is cliche-city in a many ways, with fantasy tropes and dimensional travel tropes that we've seen before. But there's still imagination to the way the story mixes those two elements. The story is well plotted and well-imagined, with beautiful settings. There's some of the most stunning and heart-stopping action setpieces of Y9 in this film, and in any case, it's fun to see some of my favorite actors get knocked around (like how a horse runs into Daniel Kaluuya, and Jason Clarke tumbles down the stairs). The locations we see are well-realized and imaginative as well.

 

And here's where I'll get into characters and actors' performances. I think it's easy to see why a lot of these actors are nailing their parts. Himesh Patel is good as the affable protagonist Keif, anchoring the film in its fun and heartfelt tone and reminding us readers that Patel deserves to be the leading man Yesterday teased him to be. (Like, for real, he only gets supporting roles nowadays.) Best Actor looks somewhat weak, so don't count out Himesh Patel's chance to be nominated for an Oscar!

 

...And then there's Daveed Diggs. He is RAVISHING as Leo. My goodness. Now, one player cast him as a similar adventurer in a Y6 film called Shiverin' Gulch, and I had only seen Diggs in Blindspotting so in that review I said I didn't understand Diggs' casting in that role. And about a year later, I watch Hamilton on Disney+, and he plays Thomas Jefferson, and it clicks in my head, like... Diggs was MADE for the kind of performances he gives in Hamilton, Shivering' Gulch, and now Second Dimension. I think he really nails what the script is asking of him, and I really want him to make it in for Best Supporting Actor!

 

Conclusion

Second Dimension: Last Hope is somewhat cliched in its approach to the modern fantasy blockbuster, but it's memorable, well-performed characters and well-paced storytelling allow me to appreciate the film in spite of grammar and formatting issues. I'm going to make a statement about Cayom as a game by giving this an 8.5/10.

 

[SLAM!]

@4815162342

 

Part Two—Heremias

 

The party enters a room, but there's a big dark chasm between the ledge they're on and the ledge across the room. Marcus transforms into a griffin and shuttles the heroes back and forth between the chasm. At the next door, Marcus transforms back into a human, and then... Uh oh. He needs some clothes! He sneaks off to change, and then comes back wearing a new outfit. They all press on to the next room.

 

Spoiler

I'll start off by saying I enjoyed this film! I don't have *too* much to say about it, but it's assuredly brilliant with stunning setpieces and a cast of heroes you can't help but root for!

 

I have two criticisms I want to make before going into detail about what I liked about this film. In the second act, there's a lot of crosscutting between scenes with Marcus and scenes with other heroes trying to stop something from happening (won't spoil what it is). They're both continuous scenes but they're cut apart and warring with each other, and watching these scenes cut in and out Dunkirk-style comes across as a little clumsy. (This is a minor gripe because both scenes are well done.)

 

While I'm somewhat unconvinced that Marcus's storyline and the other characters' storylines coalesced into a unified whole, all of the characters' journeys are so exciting to watch that I was hooked to the screen wanting to see what happened next and what would happen to these characters. I just love Eckit, he's dimwitted but in the fun way, and I was really rooting for him to overcome his faults. The technical qualities (like the animation) is great, and the action scenes are very exciting as well! The world is really brought to life for a second time.

 

Lakeith Stanfield steals the show this time around, with Ashly Burch and Aimee Carrero giving notable depth to brand new characters. This entire ensemble's great, too be honest.

 

So yes; Heremias has so many well-realized characters, so much vibrance in its animation and humorousness, and just the right amount of depth to its world that I can't help but tout it as one of the best films of the year (not just animated films). It's just as good as Sylvarius if not better! 9.25/10

 

[SLAM!]

@El Squibbonator

 

Part Three—Raven Island

 

Dynamo Dean breaks into a cold sweat. Everyone's in the next room, but there's five face masks scattered on the floor and five cases on the wall where specific masks need to go. Ichabod tells everyone that he spotted masks on the wall in the chasm room, but he doesn't remember the order of the faces, and no one else does...

 

...except for Corax, who says he might remember. He steps up and examines the cases. Someone in Keif's party brings up how it makes sense for Corax to do this puzzle because crows remember faces, and another party members calls the first one a dumb-dumb because Corax is actually a raven. Then Corax sets the masks in their corresponding cases, and the wall rises up, revealing a passageway. Onward!

 

Spoiler

I'll admit that some of the films by Fossil Record Animation and Workshop, Inc. are hard to evaluate because of how brief and to-the-point their plot summaries come across. It's the minimum of what Cayom films need to be, but the length of each film doesn't leave much room for detail to the story. I'm gonna spoil my thoughts on the other Y9 films by Fossil Record and Workshop by saying this, but I think Raven Island is easily the better one of the four films, and it's because of the imagination strewn throughout the story.

 

That's not to say the story comes without issues. I think Jessica's ability to fend off the arena monsters comes out of left field, especially since we're not told or shown how she defends herself. There's other instances too where the story's flying by so fast that the reader's caught off guard when something out-of-the-norm happens; also I wish the film spent more time explaining about the villain.

 

Besides that, there's a lot Raven Island has going for it, including a memorable setting, imaginative characters like Corax, and reasonable pacing (the film's well-paced even though the plot summary might not be). I'm excited to see where Fossil Record and Workshop go next, though I want to change these companies to provide future films with a little bit more detail in the plot summary; writing 20,000+ word stories isn't what's needed, but a little more detail in these stories would help me imagine these films a little bit more. 7.5/10

 

Edited July 23, 2022 by SLAM!

[SLAM!]

@MCKillswitch123

 

Part Four—Runaway Train

 

Dynamo Dean finds a treasure chest and tries to open it. Uh-oh, it's a sentient predator chest that has teeth and a big tongue, and it hops around trying to eat our heroes! That's when Dave Pirner sings "runaway chest never going back" and smashes his guitar on the treasure chest, beating it to death in an effort to protect everyone.

 

Spoiler

I'm a sucker for music biopics. I appreciated Bohemian Rhapsody, liked Rocketman, loved Elvis, and cherished Faces & Voices. So when James Mangold directs a music biopic about Soul Asylum, naturally, my interest will be piqued. So how is Runaway Train in relation to other music biopics?

 

I have one misgiving, and that's the spotty casting. Cooper Hoffman embodied an adult spirit in Licorice Pizza, but he *visually* feels out of place among band members played by Joaquin Phoenix, Glen Powell, and Jon Hamm (and vice versa at times). In fact, in the opening performance scene, I researched and saw that the band members were in their early 20s by that time period. Phoenix's and Hamm's old ages fit better in the latter half of the film, but visually speaking, the film's casting is like a jigsaw puzzle whose pieces don't fit.

 

Honestly, casting is where my misgivings begin and end. This film hits all the important biopic notes and then some. It's tragic watching these talented musicians reach out for relevance in the band sphere and increasingly fall short; the story is well written and well paced, with James Mangold directing it deftly and assuredly. The miscasting sucks, but you just know these actors are performing their buns off; Joaquin Phoenix kills it, and Glen Powell also does a great job here.

 

Runaway Train is one of my favorite films of Y9. It's a tender and impartial window into one of the most underrated rock bands of the 1990s as well as a strong showcase for its actors and director James Mangold. 9/10

 

[SLAM!]

@YM!

 

Part Five—Sleepy Hollow

 

The heroes find themselves in a maze where the walls are slowly closing in on them—literally! They'll be pancakes soon enough if they don't get the heck out of there! Ichabod uses his ingenuity and wit to guide the heroes out of the collapsing corridors before anyone gets crushed.

 

Spoiler

Heyo! So, uh. This review is going to be less on the rave side and more on the constructive side. I've read ahead a bit and I can confirm that other Endless films will have higher scores than Sleepy Hollow; but for reasons I'll discuss, Sleepy Hollow didn't really do it for me.

 

Sleepy Hollow has great quality animation, which is to be expected from a film by Henry Selick. Michael B. Jordan's voice performance is great, with John Goodman also contributing a good performance as Baltus. The setting of Sleepy Hollow is well realized and wonderfully brought to life; every frame of this film can be used as desktop wallpaper!

 

But my problems have to do with the story. I'm a fan of both The Nightmare Before Christmas and Coraline, and I don't think the slow-paced whodunit vibe really matches the whimsical style of Henry Selick. There's a lot less energy and a lot less fun when it comes to Sleepy Hollow; I went into the story expecting something as vibrant as colorful as Selick's past films, and I came out of it disappointed because it doesn't feel like an aesthetic match.

 

The story is focused on its social message, which is definitely there. The dramatic beats are there as well; it's certainly a story well-told. But when I'm thinking of Sleepy Hollow and the headless horseman, I'm thinking that the aggressive realist social message approach to storytelling that Endless Animation specializes in perhaps wasn't a good fit for the fantastical whimsy the film could've been. Without that whimsy, the film comes across as disappointingly humorless and un-fun, especially for a Selick film. And by the time we get to the highs of the film's surprising ending, we've spent so much time meandering in the town and enough time away from the headless horseman that the ending's impact was dampened a bit.

 

Sleepy Hollow is still one of the most well-crafted films of the year; I just wish I had more fun with its story, setting, and characters. 7.5/10

 

[SLAM!]

@Xillix

 

Part Six—Ultraman: Dark Future

 

The heroes make it to the throne room, where an eccentric mummy with a jack-o-lantern face, The Pharaoh (Tom Cruise), guffaws at them. The Pharaoh also reveals that Slam! is trapped in a carsophagus! (Cut to the carsophagus as a gagged Slam! squirms around from inside.)

 

Then the Pharaoh—and this is quite rude—points his magical staff at Marcus and fires a magical laser beam, causing Marcus to transform into a version of the griffin that's mindless with blank white eyes. The griffin goes berserk and tries to attack the heroes—but that's when Aaron steps in. He transforms into Ultraman and engages in a battle with Griffin Marcus. Ultraman briefly defeats Griffin Marcus and pumps his fist in the air!

 

Spoiler

This'll be my shortest review since the plot summary doesn't give too much to chew on, but I think Dark Future is easily better than its predecessor. A lot of that is because of Michael B. Jordan's Aaron being a waaaaay better protagonist than Mark Wahlberg's whatever his name was. The story's admittedly simple (which prevents me from scoring it too high), but you know what, sometimes simple is good. If this film surprises in Best Visual Effects or Best Use of Action somehow, I'll be pleased as punch. 6.5/10

 

Edited July 23, 2022 by SLAM!

[SLAM!]

@4815162342

 

Part Seven—The Queen Who Never Was

 

Griffin Marcus wakes up and knocks Ultraman away. That's when Rhaenys Targaryen gets an idea. She walks up Marcus and reaches her hand out. "I know you're in there," she says. She put a hand on her forehead and calms him down as if taming a dragon. Then Marcus's eyes return to normal, and all the heroes face the pharaoh, who's all like, "I won't be in de-nile, I'm probably screwed..." Rhaenys jumps onto Marcus's back, they fly into the air, with Marcus grabbing the pharaoh in his talons and tossing him toward Dave Pirner. Dave has another guitar, and he jams hard and melts the pharaoh's face with rock, thus killing him. Marcus transforms back into a human, and all the heroes give each other high fives.

 

Spoiler

So this review is going to be from a unique perspective because I'm not that big of a Game of Thrones fan. I've seen a few episodes here and there and I know some spoilers from the show, and I know what makes the series special and why the show's critically acclaimed, but I somehow missed the boat and never got into it. But what I am is a fan of good storytelling and a fan of a good Cayom film. And fortunately, The Queen Who Never Was is a prime example of both of those.

 

I want to start with the performances because every single performance in this film is fantastic. But there's some standouts for sure! Samara Weaving's Rhaenys Targaryen is strong-willed, opinionated, level-headed, and fully realized in a way that the most compelling female protagonists are; the film's natural progression sidelines the character and performance in favor of representing the whole ensemble and all the characters' affect on the story, though it's remarkable for me to be able to say that Weaving's performance stands out regardless of that.

 

Then there's Kenneth Branagh, Jessie Buckley, and Emma Thompson. All three of them really stand out with tour-de-force, career-defining performances. Like, if at least one performance doesn't walk away with an Oscar for this film, I'll be absolutely flabbergasted!

 

The narrative nails what Game of Thrones is, and even as a film that's above three hours long, the film still feels extremely tight. Now that's impressive. It was hard to get into for me at first because the editing made the film more challenging than I thought it'd be, but every story beat feels purposeful. There's no deadweight here. And then the production design, all the craft stuff, and the visual effects with the dragons, it's all fantastic.

 

The Queen Who Never Was is a film that I'm already comfortable claiming as easily being the uncontested best film of Y9. The film goes way above and beyond the call of duty of Cayom. 10/10

 

[SLAM!]

Candor tears open the carsophagus, and the rest of the Second Dimension party unwraps all the linens off of Slam!, who thanks Dynamo Dean and all the other heroes. Slam! offers Dynamo Dean a reward from a nearby treasure chest, but all the heroes agree that they've had enough of treasure chests for the day, and that it was fun just to go on an adventure.

 

"Well, I'll be starting my magazine's monthly reviews tomorrow (Sun. July 24th)!" says Slam!, who thanks the heroes again. Everyone parts ways... But Slam!, overwhelmed by curiousity, waltzes over to the treasure chest and opens it. It's not a sentient predator chest like the other one was; instead, there's shiny objects in it! What are the objects, you say? You'll find out soon enough! 😉

[SLAM!]

Starting monthlies early cuz I'm bored lol

 

SLAM! MOVIE REVIEWS

January Issue Spotlight

*spotlight contains minor spoilers*

Spoiler

 

GRAND THEFT AUTO

 

Phoenix Fire Entertainment's Grand Theft Auto represents a natural progression of their narrative focus found in films like Far Cry, Hearts of Fire, and In the Doghouse. It blends gripping dramatic action with a spotlight on very real issues plaguing unfortunate souls in the world around us. That's probably the films biggest strengths, but its focus on realism and sentimentalism prevents Grand Theft Auto from reaching the lofty bar of chaotic zaniness set by its bestselling source material.

 

The film's grounded and thoughtful tone makes for some memorable movie moments, like the moment when Kieran ingests the meth for the first time, and the ending moment between him and Mabel. But many viewers are going to go into this expecting crazy and energetic confrontations with the police, just like the ones they experience in the games, but they'll be slightly disappointed with how mellow the film is in comparison. The closest the film gets is probably when Kieran *almost* runs people over as he drives, as that seen is filmed with heart stopping kinetic energy. But yeah, those chaotic moments are few and far between.

 

What the story does have in its favor is a capable director in Liz Friedlander, whose unique approach utilizes editing and cinematography techniques to put some visual craziness into the film at the very least. Not only that, but I got a Jean-Luc Godard's Breathless type of vibe from the scenes where Kieran and Mabel are simply hanging out in the apartment; those scenes at least had an arresting flair to it.

 

Casting wise, Noah Centineo, Paul Giamatti, and Andra Day are all nailing. Andra Day is especially good casting, and while I wouldn't bet the farm on her getting into Best Supporting Actress, I'll at least say "don't be surprised if it happens."

 

Anyways, I wish Grand Theft Auto was crazier, but the film still comes across to me as a sellable film that many moviegoers will be happy with if not outright blown away by it. Kudos!

 

January Review Scores

Spoiler

Winner Takes All

Choo-choo, muchacho 🚂!!! Winner Takes All caps off a grimly heartfelt trilogy in a satisfyingly zany manner. 5/10

 

Socksucker

The love story is there, but it's very unappealing and off-putting, with little to no chemistry between Watson and Boyega. 2/10

 

Interceptors

A competently made yet frustratingly hackneyed space extravaganza that we've ultimately seen before through films like Armageddon and Moonfall. 4.5/10

 

By The Seaside

A straight-to-Netflix vibe type film that comes with a few bells and whistles including ravishing imagery of some pretty seashores. 5.75/10

 

Grand Theft Auto

I wish the film was crazier, but the film still comes across to me as a sellable film that many moviegoers will be happy with if not outright blown away by it. 7/10

 

[SLAM!]

SLAM! MOVIE REVIEWS

February Issue Spotlight

Spoiler

LANDSLIDE

 

[Sometimes I choose a film based off of what would look good on a magazine cover. This is one of those times.]

 

Dwayne Johnson is one of the biggest movie stars in Hollywood at the moment, and I wouldn't be surprised if movies came out to watch him kick more buns and take more names. But does Landslide reach the level Dwayne Johnson films like San Andreas and Central Intelligence? Well, with its political edge, the film's at least relevant!

 

The film is pretty much Die Hard meets White House Down, which isn't too bad. It's not very original, but it's explosive, that's for sure!

 

February Review Scores

Spoiler

Landslide

The film is pretty much Die Hard meets White House Down, which isn't too bad. It's not very original, but it's explosive, that's for sure! 6/10

 

Whinge & Cringe

With confusing and morally egregious messaging, Whinge & Cringe is easily a candidate for worst film of the year. The tiger's neat though! 1/10

 

Death is Not My Friend

I reread this one, and it wasn't half bad! It's a little dry and meandering, but I love the cinematography and the imagery. I think I'm still not writing home about it though. 6.75/10