Impact Posted July 26, 2012 Share Posted July 26, 2012 Welcome to the Academy Awards with your host........... JIM CARREY!!! *nobody shows up* We said.....JIM CARREY! Hmmm where is he??? Auidence member gets up "I'll find him" We see then random celebrities saying they have not seen him on the video. Then at Jim Carrey's house.... Sir, you have an award show to host! Carrey: *Yawn* really, wake me up later. NO GET UP NOW! You have 5 minutes! Carrey: 5 MINUTES???? I'm still in my pajamas! *Tons of laughs during all of this* *Carrey gets up wearing PJ's that look like there for kids more laughs* Carrey: Dang I got to hurry! *We see him going ultra fast trying to make it* Carrey: Lets see, I have 3 and a half minutes, I think I'll go pick up a cup of coffee. *more laughs* Oh great huge line! Hey let me through! Oscar host here! Carrey then is seen in his car trying to make it. We then see him speeding down Hollywood, getting pulled over by a traffic cop (Played by William Dafoe) Cop: Sir your under arest! Carrey: Hey aren't you the Green Goblin? *Laughs* Cop: Stop it with the funny talk! Carrey: But...oh shoot......... Carrey finally comes on to the stage looking warn out. Carrey: Okay I'm here! Tonight we have 5 wonderful nominations. First off a gangster flick. Not directed by Marty for once. *tons of laughs* Then a film that is a sci fi with a title from the Bible. For some reason some countries in Arabia did not release it...*More laughs* Then a western not staring John Wayne or Clint Eastwood. *Laughs everywhere* A Nolan film with a story that made my life look normal *laughs and claps* And finally a epic film by the director of films that nobody liked *Laughs all over* My favorite though was not nominated. It was a film about a man just staring at the screen for 3 hours. *Laughs all over* I wanted it so bad to be nominated. *Cries* Why???? And then I look and I'm not nominated again. *more laughs* Now I know how Carrot Top and Pauly Shore must feel. *Tons of laughs* So let's see who is here...oh hi Natalie Portman! Natalie, up here. Portman: Hi. Carrey: Natalie I keep on trying to call telling you that you need to stop dating Darth Vadar! *Tons of laughs* Portman: I know. Carrey: Ehh whatever. Now its time for the show!!!!!!!!! *Carrey sings a bunch of songs* First award. Best use of action presented by Arnold and Stallone! Arnold: This is best use of action. Stallone: Which Arnie and I are not in this year. Arnold: I know, it must be because I'm Austrian *tons of laughs* Stallone: That has nothing to do with it...plus you were never Rocky. *more laughs* Arnold: Well I was the Terminator! *more laughs* Stallone: Well the nominees are great this year... Arnold: Well they be better if I was in all of them *more laughs* Stallone: Buddy...not now.... Arnold: It is true you know! *laughs* And the nominees are: 8AM Genesis The Morrow II Vault Break Wolves of the Deep And the winner is........... Arnold: The Arnold Story *laughs* Stallone: Will you just stop it??? Wolves of the Deep! Winner: Thank you so much! Thanks to the wonderful action we had to make! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impact Posted July 26, 2012 Author Share Posted July 26, 2012 Vote count: 8AM 21 Genesis 20 The Morrow II 19 Vault Break 21 Wolves of the Deep 22 I had fun writing that intro Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impact Posted July 26, 2012 Author Share Posted July 26, 2012 Best Art Direction presented by Tom Cruise and Sandra Bullock! Cruise: Up next is best art direcion. Bullock: All beautiful sets by very talented art directors. Cruise: Yes Sandra, they can turn your house into a zombie graveyard. *Tons of laughs* Bullock: I said beautiful....not creepy. *More laughs* Cruise: Oh right...or turn your graveyard into a birthday party! *laughs* Bullock: Tom enough about your personal graveyards. *More laughs* Cruise: I thought everyone had a....*laughs* Bullock: Stop it. Now you can get this done for just 5 trillion dollars *tons of laughs* Call now! Cruise: Yes call now. *They both start to walk off* Bullock: Oh wait the award! Cruise: Oh yes! And the nominees are: The Coming Storm Dodge City El Libertador Genesis Love in Poiters And the Oscar goes to............ Dodge City! Winner: Thank you! Thank you! I like to thank everyone who helped us along the way, including the great crew we worked with. I like to thank the directors and the cast as well. And to everyone at home, we love you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impact Posted July 26, 2012 Author Share Posted July 26, 2012 Vote tally for art direction: The Coming Storm 23 Dodge City 25 El Libertador 20 Genesis 17 Love in Poiters 21 Win count so far: Dodge City: 1 Wolves of the Deep: 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darthdevidem01 Posted July 26, 2012 Share Posted July 26, 2012 *cheers* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impact Posted July 26, 2012 Author Share Posted July 26, 2012 Best supporting actress presented by Billy Crudup! Crudup: Now we have 5 wonderful and talented ladies all nominated. No men though. *laughs* Sadly the Oscars are too sexist to do that. *More laughs* Now the nominees are quite diverse. And the nominees are: Glenn Close for Love in Poitiers Michelle Monaghan for Fatal Rendezvous Mila Kunis for The Summer Story Tilda Swinton for Thane of the Flies Olivia Wilde for Genesis And the winner is.......... Michelle Monaghan for Fatal Rendezvous! Monaghan: Wow! I'm here! I'm actually here! On the stage...I don't know what to say other then wow! Thank you sooo much! (Short speeches are the best ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impact Posted July 26, 2012 Author Share Posted July 26, 2012 Vote tally for supporting actress: Glenn Close for Love in Poitiers 24 Michelle Monaghan for Fatal Rendezvous 25 Mila Kunis for The Summer Story 22 Tilda Swinton for Thane of the Flies 22 Olivia Wilde for Genesis 12 I will be back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darthdevidem01 Posted July 26, 2012 Share Posted July 26, 2012 *screams like a fangirl for Michelle*lol people are gonna regret giving me tickets to the oscars. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impact Posted July 26, 2012 Author Share Posted July 26, 2012 Oops Billy Crudup won supporting, Matt Damon won lead, I'll fix that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impact Posted July 26, 2012 Author Share Posted July 26, 2012 *1st song "Our Moment" is played* *Carrey returns* Carrey: What do you think of that? That is right-every movie that has won so far is.....a winner of an Academy Award! *Laughs* Except that one film that....oh wait never mind...*laughs* I have just completed my next film. It is called "Sitting" *laughs* Yep I will sit the entire film! *laughs* Sadly I had to get up 5 seconds in...*more laughs* Best costumes presented by Ben Foster and Mila Kunis! Foster: This is best costumes. Kunis: Yes which Summer Story was not nominated for. Foster: Apparently they don't think normal clothes can be. *laughs* Kunis: I know what is up with that? I mean do we have to get all fancy? NO! We demand that it gets nominated! *tons of laughs* Foster: Too late.... Kunis: Well all the nominees have clothes this year. Foster: Yes, if they didn't the film must be pretty bad that they can't sell it unless there nude. *laughs* Kunis: Ben, remember kids are.... Foster: Oh yeah. And the nominees are: Black as Night The Coming Storm Dodge City Fable Thane of the Flies And the Oscar goes to............. The Coming Storm! Winner: Thank you so much! I like to thank everyone who helped us make this possible and to our wonderful director, thanks! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impact Posted July 26, 2012 Author Share Posted July 26, 2012 Vote tally for best costumes: Black as Night 18 The Coming Storm 28 Dodge City 23 Fable 15 Thane of the Flies 21 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impact Posted July 26, 2012 Author Share Posted July 26, 2012 Best foriegn language film presented by Jackie Chan! Chan: Next up is best film that nobody can understand. *laughs* Which are all in other langauges that I can understand...sometimes. *more laughs* And the nominees are: Barco de Oro El Libertador La Follia di Gesualdo And the winner is...... El Libertador! Winner: Thank you very much, thanks to everyone in my homeland! Your great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impact Posted July 26, 2012 Author Share Posted July 26, 2012 Vote count: Barco de Oro 14 El Libertador 18 La Follia di Gesualdo 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impact Posted July 26, 2012 Author Share Posted July 26, 2012 Best visual effects presented by Karl Urban and Tommy Lee Jones! Urban: Well next up is visual effects. Jones: Which we used a lot of in Dodge City. *laughs* Urban: Yes we did. The bullets were not real. *more laughs* Jones: Yes and the entire cast was CGI. *more laughs* Urban: Heck the entire film was! Jones: Okay now with these nominees they were apparently CGI. Urban: Are you sure? I thought the Golem was real.... Jones: No Karl, it was not... Urban: Wait all of these are not real??? Jones: Nope. Urban: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *tons and tons of laughs all during this* And the nominees are: Bartimaeus and the Golem's Eye The Coming Storm Genesis The Morrow II SpellForce: Breath of Winter And the winner is...... The Morrow II! Winner: Thank you, it is a honor to be up here tonight. I like to thank my wife and kids. And the director. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impact Posted July 26, 2012 Author Share Posted July 26, 2012 Count: Bartimaeus and the Golem's Eye 19 The Coming Storm 21 Genesis 22 The Morrow II 25 SpellForce: Breath of Winter 16 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impact Posted July 26, 2012 Author Share Posted July 26, 2012 You know, too bad more people are not on, well I usually go faster but its more fun with more people Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impact Posted July 26, 2012 Author Share Posted July 26, 2012 *2nd song "Winter Paradise" is played* *First film, Summer Story is shown* *Carrey returns* Carrey: What a night huh? So I took a bet on all the cats....I lost as I put money on people that did not exist *laughs all over* Now I have to do laundry for a month. *more laughs* Sigh what to do? *Carrey then runs off the stage and comes back with a silly hat* Carrey: What? Why are you looking at me like that? This is the new style *More laughs* Best Supporting Actor presented by Sally Field! Field: 5 men, all in diffrent types of roles. All 5 did fantastic jobs. But only 1 will win. And the nominees are: Ben Barnes for The Coming Storm Aaron Eckheart for Fatal Rendezvous Tommy Lee Jones for Dodge City Frank Langella for Black as Night Michael Sheen for Love in Poiters And the winner is.............. Tommy Lee Jones for Dodge City! Jones: Well lookie here! Hi Oscar, I can't wait to show you to your big brother *tons of laughs* You know he has been waiting forever to meet you *more laughs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impact Posted July 26, 2012 Author Share Posted July 26, 2012 Tally: Ben Barnes for The Coming Storm 20 Aaron Eckheart for Fatal Rendezvous 23 Tommy Lee Jones for Dodge City 25 Frank Langella for Black as Night 21 Michael Sheen for Love in Poiters 17 So it was Two Face vs. Two Face Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impact Posted July 26, 2012 Author Share Posted July 26, 2012 Best makeup presented by Natalie Portman and Will Smith! Portman: Makeup can make the person look better in a film. Smith: Yes we all have to wear it. Even us macho men. *laughs* Portman: Please not now Will... Smith: It is true you know. It is hard being the Fresh Prince at times. *tons of laughs* Portman: I loved that show as a kid... Smith: Thanks...for making me feel old when I'm not that much older then you *tons of laughs* Potman: Well the nominees tonight are all from films... Smith: Well I hope so. I didn't think a tv show be here! Portman: That are live action... Smith: WHAT??? So no cartoons??? *more laughs* Portman: Sorry. Smith: PFFFF Okay. The nominees are: Black as Night Fable Genesis Love in Poiters SpellForce: Breath of Winter And the winner is......... Spellforce: Breath of Winter! Winner: Thank you so much. Thanks to everyone who helped us and to all of our wonderful cast! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impact Posted July 26, 2012 Author Share Posted July 26, 2012 Tally: Black as Night 18 Fable 21 Genesis 18 Love in Poiters 21 SpellForce: Breath of Winter 22 Just by 1 point! We could of had a 5 way tie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
