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CAYOM Year 7: Part 1

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Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson vs. Santa Claus, Ultimate Badass

IMPORTANT NOTE INVOLVING ACTUALS: This film costs the price of two films to see since it is so long. Should the consumer wish to view only one part of the film, they need only pay the price of one ticket. The only way to see Part 3 is to see Part 1 and Part 2, and pay the inflated ticket price. IMAX 3D only offers the triple feature.

Writer-Director: Part 1: Clark Gregg
Part 2: Scott Sanders
Part 3: Robert Rodriguez

Producers: Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez
Genre: Action/Satire
Date: November 22
Studio: Blankments Productions and Hourglass Pictures
Format: Filmed in 3D; IMAX 3D
Cast: Chuck Norris as Chuck Norris, Liam Neeson as Liam Neeson, Billy Bob Thornton as Santa Claus, Mila Kunis as Mrs. Claus, Mel Gibson as Runni Knows/Mel Gibson, Dwayne Johnson as Dwayne Johnson, Mr. T as Mr. T, Samuel L. Jackson as Samuel L. Jackson, Jackie Chan as Jackie Chan, Bruce Willis as Bruce Willis, Tom Kenny as Bruiser, AnnaSophia Robb as Jessie Neeson, Christopher Lloyd as Christopher Lloyd, Joaquin Phoenix as Joaquin Phoenix, Michael Bay as Michael Bay, Eminem as Mr. Snowman (The last four are uncredited and completely ignored in marketing).
Music by: Rush
Runtime: 258 min total
Trailers: 12 min
Part 1: 86 min
Trailer: 3 min
Part 2: 84 min
Trailer: 3 min
Part 3: 70 min
Tagline: The Ultimater Battle.

Plot Summary: Really, you need a summary? Look at the title.











The film opens with fake trailers for the following films:

The Deaf Eater: Samuel L. Jackson stars as a detective, Artie Choke, who is searching for a serial killer who only kills deaf people. However, the serial killer is actually his own evil clone, who is jealous of being born without ears. Artie must hunt down and kill his own clone, or else face the dire consequence of a world without sound.

Cannibal Loops: Mr. T plays Bee Cee, a man who is shipwrecked on an island full of cannibals. However, when he is eaten alive, he arrives back at the beginning of the day. Being a logical man, he figures that killing all the cannibals will stop the time loop and save his life. Blood, guts, and gore will be found in this epic study of the human condition.

KGB Magicians: Bruce Willis stars as a KGB agent who learns how to become a wizard. However, when an attractive sorceress (AnnaSophia Robb) challenges him to a duel, he must accept and win, or else live out the rest of his days as a dancing pomegranate street performer, a fate worse than death itself.




Immediately following “Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson vs. Giant Spiders,” Chuck Norris stares at his house, or rather, the lot his house used to be on. He can’t believe this; his wife is going to kill him when she gets back. Chuck Norris, saddened but knowing he can’t do much to get his house back, decides to try to find where Jessie Neeson is living, and then hang out there with Liam Neeson until his wife returns. After all, Liam Neeson bummed around his house for quite a bit; it’s time for him to return the favor. Chuck Norris easily finds the apartment, or rather, the apartment finds him. He promptly falls asleep on the couch, and awaits Liam Neeson to find him that way.

Yet, Liam Neeson is hanging out with Jessie at the moment. You see, when you reunite with a long lost daughter, you tend to want to catch up on things. After reminiscing in the perfectly normal Hollywood, Jessie takes Liam Neeson back to her apartment, where they find Chuck Norris sleeping on the couch. Jessie screams in terror that a creepy old man broke into their house. Liam Neeson tells her to calm down; it’s just Chuck Norris. Liam Neeson wakes up Chuck Norris gently, but Chuck Norris freaks out and flips Liam Neeson over, breaking the couch. Liam Neeson braces himself for a fight, but Chuck Norris apologizes immediately, saying he thought it was someone else. Jessie excuses herself from the room when Liam Neeson asks Chuck Norris what he is doing here. Chuck Norris says his mansion is gone; it must’ve gone into the moon with the giantest spider of all time. Liam Neeson says that sucks, but as Chuck Norris can clearly see, Jessie’s apartment is barely big enough for Liam Neeson to stay at. That’s when Chuck Norris gets a great idea.

Chuck Norris explains that that they should just go to the North Pole to ask Santa Claus for the mansion back. Liam Neeson says that he’s fairly certain they’re on the naughty list, since they swear like every other sentence. Chuck Norris asks Liam Neeson what the f*ck he’s talking about; they never swear, and besides that, Santa Claus swore an awful lot when they met him. Liam Neeson sees he has a point, and Chuck Norris says it’s settled; they will rent a car to drive up to the North Pole. However, Liam Neeson asks why he should abandon Jessie, since, after all, they have just finally reunited. Chuck Norris says he’s happy they reunited, but Liam Neeson owes him for all the time he bummed around at his house. Liam Neeson says he has a point, and agrees to go along with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson begin to leave the apartment, but then Jessie stops Chuck Norris. Jessie says she’s been waiting her entire life to spend time with her father, and Chuck Norris is taking him away after one evening. Chuck Norris promises to Jessie that this will be the last adventure he has Liam Neeson, and not to worry, he’ll protect Liam Neeson. Liam Neeson rebuffs this, saying that they are equal footing, and Chuck Norris shrugs at this. The two are off on their journey, but the first step is to find a place to rent a car. After all, both Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson left their cars in the mansion’s garage, so a car rental is essentially the only way to travel to the North Pole. However, as they travel around Hollywood, they find that the only car rental place in the area is a new company, known as Rock Motors. Clerks at all of the dealerships redirect Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson to their headquarters, where they must have an audience with the owner of the company in order to get a permit to rent a car. Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson find this a ridiculous requirement in order just to rent a car, but they go along with it.

As they wait in a waiting room to meet with the owner, they see a commercial on TV for a hot new toy. Mel Gibson introduces the commercial with saying he loves Jewish women now, and those tapes were doctored. However, in therapy, he invented this great new toy, Runni Knows, an adorable doll that frequently has, you guessed it, a runny nose. Chuck Norris snorts, saying that’s an utterly stupid toy, and Liam Neeson agrees with him. A buzzer is let off, and Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson are let in to see the owner. They are shocked to find out that the owner of the company is Dwayne Johnson. Dwayne Johnson begins fanboying over the two of them, saying that Chuck Norris was his childhood hero, and that it pisses him off that they’re replacing Liam Neeson those new Narnia movies. Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson are half-charmed and half-disgusted. Nevertheless, they ask Dwayne Johnson if they can rent a car. Dwayne Johnson asks what they’re going to do with it, and Liam Neeson explains that thanks to the giantest spider of all time destroying Chuck Norris’s mansion, they need to drive up to the North Pole to ask Santa Claus to give Chuck Norris a new mansion. Dwayne Johnson looks at them like they’re crazy, and says there’s one question he must ask before he rents them a car. Dwayne Johnson then lifts up a Runni Knows doll, and asks them what they think of it. Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson both blurt out that that’s the most utterly stupid toy they’ve ever heard of.

Dwayne Johnson frowns and says that that settles it. Chuck Norris asks what he means. Music starts and Dwayne Johnson begins singing a song about how Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson are hasbeens, and he’s a real star now. Besides that, everyone knows that Dwayne Johnson is the fastest driver in the whole world. Dwayne Johnson sings and dances in Chuck Norris’s and Liam Neeson’s faces, slowly forcing their way out of the building. Dwayne Johnson also sings about how Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson are stupid for hating on Runni Knows, since Runni Knows is possibly the greatest doll of all time. Near the end of the song, Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson decide to retaliate. Chuck Norris sings that he is way, way, way better than Dwayne Johnson ever wished he could be, while Liam Neeson challenges Dwayne Johnson through song to a race to the North Pole since Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson could easily beat him. As Dwayne Johnson joins a kickline of five hundred celebrities, including Joaquin Phoenix and Michael Bay in uncredited singing solo cameos, he accepts Chuck Norris’s and Liam Neeson’s challenge and says that the best man, not men will win, ending the song.

Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson are promptly given a model of the DeLorean from Back to the Future, whereas Dwayne Johnson will be driving a modern day sports car with a rocket attached to the back of it. Chuck Norris tells Liam Neeson that perhaps this wasn’t a good idea, but Liam Neeson says he has a plan. Liam Neeson then pulls out a grapple gun, and Chuck Norris asks him where he got it. Liam Neeson replies that he wouldn’t be going shopping for clothes with Jessie, so they went to a weapons dealer. Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson fist-bump, and then Liam Neeson shoots the grapple gun at Dwayne Johnson’s car’s spoiler. Chuck Norris then buckles up his seatbelt and sits on the grapple gun. Liam Neeson makes fun of Chuck Norris’s weight, but then Chuck Norris kicks Liam Neeson in the balls to tell him to shut up, at least he has family. Liam Neeson says that was a low blow, and Chuck Norris first shrugs, but then, begrudged, apologizes. Christopher Lloyd then walks by, and screams at the DeLorean, excited to see it. Without Chuck Norris, Liam Neeson, or Dwayne Johnson noticing, he throws himself in the trunk of the DeLorean, hoping for a career revival.

The race begins! Dwayne Johnson must go fast, and thus, he presses a button that starts the rocket. He speeds forward 325 miles per hour, with Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson just trailing behind him thanks to the grapple. Chuck Norris points out that there’s no way they’ll pass Dwayne Johnson, but Liam Neeson points out that momentum will be on their side. Chuck Norris doesn’t understand, but Liam Neeson says he will soon, and then Liam Neeson goes to the trunk (from the inside of the DeLorean) to get out some weapons he packed. After all, he reasons that Dwayne Johnson will not take a loss happily. However, he is shocked to find Christopher Lloyd in the trunk, sleeping soundly. Liam Neeson promptly grabs Christopher Lloyd, and throws him out of the car and onto Dwayne Johnson’s car. We see Dwayne Johnson is just peacefully listening to some tunes on his radio, and talking to his Runni Knows doll. He begins flirting with the doll, which is very, very creepy. Suddenly though, Christopher Lloyd hits his windshield, smiling creepily. As Dwayne Johnson quickly uses the windshield wipers to remove Christopher Lloyd, he looks in his rearview mirror, seeing that Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson are somehow right behind him. Looking at his GPS, Dwayne Johnson sees he is only ten miles away from the North Pole, so he stops the rocket and suddenly brakes.

Liam Neeson’s hypothesis is proven correct when, thanks to the sudden braking, the DeLorean flies through the air, picking up Dwayne Johnson’s car and landing five miles later in a horrible car wreck. Dwayne Johnson works his way out of the car, utterly pissed off. However, Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson are ready for him, as Liam Neeson promptly attempts to shoot him. What Liam Neeson did not prepare for though, is Santa Claus’s magical protecting fifty mile radius of the North Pole, which turns off all non-Santa-Claus-approved weaponry. Dwayne Johnson, thinking the gun merely is broken, runs up and punches both Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson! It’s time for a Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson vs. Dwayne Johnson fight!! Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson jump away, but Dwayne Johnson kicks them rapidly! Once again, Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson dodge it, and then look at each other, deciding to finish the fight rather quickly! Liam Neeson punches out all of Dwayne Johnson’s teeth as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks him in the stomach! Dwayne Johnson falls to the ground unconscious, thus concluding the most one-sided battle in the series so far!

Chuck Norris thanks Liam Neeson for the help, since after all, they wouldn’t have made this far without him. Liam Neeson says it’s no problem when suddenly a single voice is heard around the Earth. It is Mel Gibson, saying, “DEPLOY.” Suddenly, Dwayne Johnson’s car explodes, and a giant Runni Knows is standing in its place. It yells, “EXTERMINATE GOOD; EVIL IS THE BEST THING EVER!!!” Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson look at each other, and realize even they are outmatched. They run away towards the North Pole, with Runni Knows looking at them in anger. He begins to chase after them, but Dwayne Johnson wakes up, wondering the heck just happened. Runni Knows detects his naturally charismatic good guy part in movies, and smiles at him. Dwayne Johnson sees the giant Runni Knows and says finally, they can have sex and bear gorgeous children onto the world. Runni Knows roars at Dwayne Johnson, and Dwayne Johnson smiles. However, Runni Knows picks him up and eats him alive.

Meanwhile, Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson are far away from the giant Runni Knows, and they are merely a mile away from the North Pole. Chuck Norris is overjoyed, saying they’re finally going to accomplish his mission. Liam Neeson takes slight offense to this, and Chuck Norris apologizes, saying they’re going to accomplish their mission to regain the greatest mansion ever. Liam Neeson agrees, and the two arrive at the gateway to the North Pole. They are immediately disturbed though, by a sight they wished they would never see. On the sides of the gateway are the heads of Samuel L. Jackson, Jackie Chan, and Bruce Willis on pikes. Both are saddened and disturbed immediately and immensely. Liam Neeson wonders what happened, while Chuck Norris swears vengeance on whoever did this. They enter the North Pole, finding it inhabited nearly entirely of elf corpses and giant Runni Knows dolls. Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson quickly get ready for some defense, but rather, two Runni Knows dolls pick them up and take them to their leader, who turns out to be the actual Mel Gibson. Mel Gibson smiles, saying he can finally watch an interesting fight: Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson vs. Santa Claus, Ultimate Badass! Cut to credits, which serve as an intermission.


Another fake trailer follows:

#DoomfulDeaths: Jackie Chan stars in this future classic, where he plays Mark Zuckerberg who swears vengeance on the creator of Twitter (Billy Bob Thornton.) Zuckerberg must download himself to the Internet in order to beat up the creator of Twitter, and save social networking for all humankind.




Immediately following “Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson vs. Giant Spiders,” Samuel L. Jackson is driving back the sleigh to the North Pole with Jackie Chan, Bruce Willis, and Mr. T. All four of them are chatting excitedly about going to the North Pole. Mr. T says it’d be foolish not to be excited, and Jackie Chan gleefully flips off Mr. T, telling him to shut up, and he’s heard Mrs. Claus is hot. Samuel L. Jackson informs Jackie Chan that he is correct, Mrs. Claus is possibly the hottest woman he has ever met; the only one close to her hotness is Mila Kunis. Only Bruce Willis shows a hint of being against the North Pole, saying that short people always scare him, and the idea of going to a place full of short elves is just utterly terrifying. Samuel L. Jackson informs Bruce Willis that elves aren’t short; that’s a common misconception. Samuel L. Jackson adds to this, saying that he was actually one of the shorter elves. Bruce Willis is relieved by this news. Unknown to them though, Mel Gibson takes a grapple gun across from Jessie and Liam Neeson (they are at the same store) and he shoots a grapple onto the sleigh the second before they clear Hollywood airspace.

Meanwhile, Santa Claus returns home from his swim back from Los Angeles. Mrs. Claus asks him how it was, and Santa Claus replies that there’s nothing he can’t beat up, including giant spiders. Mrs. Claus seductively asks how hard it was for him to beat up the giantest spider of all time. Santa Claus coyly replies he had the two badasses he sometimes speaks of do it for him. Mrs. Claus finds this hot, and the two immediately start having sex. Bruiser walks in on them, and smiles. After about five minutes of the gratuitous sex, Santa Claus asks Bruiser what he wants. Bruiser informs that they got a call from Jingle; he’s finally done with the Elfian Exchange Program and returning to the North Pole. Mrs. Claus is happy for this, but Santa Claus is confused for a second, but then remembers. He excuses Bruiser from the room and decides to inform Mrs. Claus of what’s going on. Santa Claus tells her that he left his sleigh with Jackie Chan, Bruce Willis, Mr. T, and Samuel L. Jackson, who she would know better as Jingle. Mrs. Claus says that they must catch up with Jingle, and Santa Claus agrees, saying she should make the GOOD cookies and the GOOD milk. Mrs. Claus gets the connotations and starts making weed cookies and milk spiked with vodka.

The sleigh lands in the middle of the North Pole, with several elves surrounding it, cheering. Bruce Willis takes a bow, while Jackie Chan flips them all off. No one cares; after all, these are celebrity friends of Jingle! As Samuel L. Jackson looks at all of his old elf friends, he frowns, suddenly remembering why he left the North Pole. Even so, Mr. T looks around scared. He yells that there’s danger in the air, and begins digging a snow fort to protect him from the danger. Mrs. Claus walks out in a bikini, and tells the three remaining celebrities to come in for cookies and milk with Santa Claus. Samuel L. Jackson and Bruce Willis are pleased, but Jackie Chan begins thinking of Mr. T’s warning. However, they ultimately just shrug it off, and go off for the cookies and milk.

Santa Claus goes “Ho, ho, ho,” while looking at his wife. Mrs. Claus fawns for Santa Claus’s attractive flirting. Mrs. Claus tells him first she must serve the cookies and milk and then they’ll have their fun time. Santa Claus asks Samuel L. Jackson if there are any scratches on the sleigh, and Samuel L. Jackson replies with a no, and then he thanks Santa Claus for letting them use the sleigh. Santa Claus says it was no trouble at all, but next time, if they even think about calling him for it, he will personally put them on the Naughty List for all eternity. Samuel L. Jackson and Bruce Willis are okay with this, but Jackie Chan keeps on feeling more and more uneasy. Nevertheless, Mrs. Claus arrives with the weed cookies and spiked milk and they drink and eat. Bruiser crashes the party though, and asks Samuel L. Jackson, calling him Jingle, where he’s been. Samuel L. Jackson looks to Santa Claus for permission, and Santa Claus smiles, giving a yes answer. Samuel L. Jackson promptly grabs him by the throat and begins strangling him to death. As Bruce Willis and Jackie Chan look on in horror, Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus laugh merrily at the beautiful sight of annoying beings being murdered. Bruce Willis and Jackie Chan look at each other, and begin laughing as well. The sheer hilarity of Bruiser being murdered is inconceivable. After the brutal murder of Bruiser, Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus decides it is time for sex. Samuel L. Jackson, Bruce Willis, and Jackie Chan watch excitedly, as all five humans continue drinking and eating their way into a drowsy sleep.

However, they are woken by an explosion! Bruce Willis mumbles, asking if he’s in another Michael Bay movie. When the explosions rock the North Pole a few more times, Santa Claus finally wakes up and shakes off his hangover. He shakes awake Samuel L. Jackson, Jackie Chan, and Bruce Willis to inform them that the North Pole appears to be under attack. All four of them are hungover, but they realize they must go out to protect the North Pole, since they’re all it’s got. As they exit Santa Claus’s house though, they find that the entire ground of the North Pole is covered with the corpses of elves. Jackie Chan begins freaking out, and he tells Samuel L. Jackson, Santa Claus, and Bruce Willis that Mr. T was right! Santa Claus slaps Jackie Chan silly, saying that if Mr. T was right, where is he now to protect the people of the North Pole? Jackie Chan looks sadly, as he, along with Samuel L. Jackson and Bruce Willis, wonder where their fellow friend has gone.

However, they don’t have much time to mourn as they see the issue that the North Pole is currently having: an elite force of four giant Runni Knows dolls is trashing and attempting to take the North Pole. Santa Claus grimaces saying that he knew those toys seemed odd. However, he could’ve never guessed they were actually demonic and evil! They each decide do a one-on-one fight with the Runni Knows dolls. After all, since when doesn’t splitting up not work? However, we see that Mel Gibson is controlling all of the dolls from the North Pole clocktower, and he doesn’t plan on taking four prisoners: he only wants one.

Nevertheless, first off, we have Samuel L. Jackson vs. a Runni Knows doll! Samuel L. Jackson pulls out a pistol and begins shooting at the Runni Knows doll! However, he doesn’t realize that the Runni Knows doll is bulletproof! Oh, crap! He quickly goes through his pockets, looking for something that’d be useful to fight this toyetic terror! He quickly pulls out... a whip? Yes, a whip! He declares that this was his souvenir from the production of “Django Unchained,” and he begins whipping the Runni Knows doll! However, the Runni Knows doll is smarter and it begins running away from the most famous motherf*cker of all time! However, Samuel L. Jackson is smartest and he whips around onto the neck of the Runni Knows doll! It appears as though we have reached a stalemate!

Meanwhile though, we have another awesome fight going on: Jackie Chan vs. a Runni Knows doll! Jackie Chan pulls out an AK-47 and begins shooting at the Runni Knows doll! However, the Runni Knows doll rolls his eyes, and taunts Jackie Chan with its bulletproofness! Jackie Chan quickly throws away the AK-47 and instead pulls out nunchuks! Using the power of nunchuks, he begins spinning them fast enough to hover in the cold North Pole air! The Runni Knows doll’s eyes widen in terror as he doesn’t know what to do! However, the Runni Knows doll quickly deduces it should fly up to meet Jackie Chan’s increasing altitude, and the two continue their fight in midair! There’s nothing quite like a flying kung-fu with nunchuks battle, folks!

Yet another battle is happening concurrently: Bruce Willis vs. (you guessed it) a Runni Knows doll! Bruce Willis, not catching on just like the other two celebrities, pulls out a bazooka, and begins rapidly shooting the devilish doll! This Runni Knows doll just decides to walk away, since Bruce Willis clearly has no intelligence! Bruce Willis refuses to let an opponent walk away, and, on his own, realizes the bazooka isn’t doing anything! Bruce Willis then throws away the bazooka, and pulls out some duel swords! He comments that he has never been trained to use these, but might as well try now! The Runni Knows doll, seeing an actual challenge, draws its own sword, charged with laser beams! An epic, pirate-like battle, commences with parlaying and the like! It’s pretty awesome!

Finally, the fight you’ve been waiting for: Santa Claus, Ultimate Badass vs. a Runni Knows doll! Now, Santa Claus has actually read the manual and knows that bullets will do nothing to a Runni Knows doll! So, instead, he immediately begins punching the Runni Knows doll! Although this would appear to do nothing, people often forget that Santa Claus is magical, and thus, punching is totally an acceptable way to fight! The Runni Knows doll attempts to run away, or punch back, but Santa Claus’s purely ultimate badassery is no match for the Runni Knows doll’s fear! Unlike the other three fights, Santa Claus has a legit chance to win this fight! WOO HOO!

Unfortunately, after about twenty minutes of this non-stop fighting, Mel Gibson has had enough. He sends in an order for all four dolls. As Samuel L. Jackson begins whipping the back of his Runni Knows doll, it instead pulls out a sword while pushing Samuel L. Jackson to the ground. Samuel L. Jackson barely has any time to react when the Runni Knows doll chops off his head. Samuel L. Jackson has just been killed off! However, the dolls aren’t done yet. Jackie Chan’s hands suddenly slip off of his nunchuks, and as they begin flying off into the distance, the cruel mistress known as gravity throws Jackie Chan to the ground. His Runni Knows doll follows him down, brandishing his own sword. Jackie Chan looks into the eyes of the Runni Knows doll with no fear and plenty honor, as it chops his head clear off. Jackie Chan has also been killed off! Oh, the humanity! Mel Gibson won’t stop at killing off two celebrities, as he has Bruce Willis’s Runni Knows doll force Bruce Willis to the ground. The Runni Knows doll tells Bruce Willis his time up, and Bruce Willis replies yippe-kai-yay mot- The catchphrase is cut off, along with Bruce Willis’s head! This is particularly bizarre since the film is rated R, so why cut off an f-bomb? Nevertheless, Bruce Willis is the third, and yet, not final, celebrity killed off in this franchise! Santa Claus sees all of them fall, and then decides to promptly destroy his Runni Knows doll, and go to the North Pole clocktower to fight and kill Mel Gibson.

However, Mel Gibson is ready for him. The second Santa Claus walks into the clocktower, Mel Gibson uses the power of Santa Claus’s magic to broadcast around the world to yell the word “DEPLOY.” It is heard all around the world, and Santa Claus goes down, clutching his chest at the sudden loss of a lot of magic. Mel Gibson promptly walks up to Santa Claus, and puts on a mind-control orange Santa cap. Mel Gibson says it’s good to have a legitimate bodyguard. He also says that Santa Claus will give him his wife, and take him off the naughty list. Santa Claus mindlessly nods his head yes. Finally, several Runni Knows dolls put out Samuel L. Jackson’s, Jackie Chan’s, and Bruce Willis’s heads on pikes. Within a minute, Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson arrive at the gateway to the North Pole. They are immediately disturbed though, by a sight they wished they would never see. On the sides of the gateway are the heads of Samuel L. Jackson, Jackie Chan, and Bruce Willis on pikes. Liam Neeson wonders what happened, while Chuck Norris swears vengeance on whoever did this. They enter the North Pole, finding it inhabited nearly entirely of elf corpses and giant Runni Knows dolls. Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson quickly get ready for some defense, but rather, two Runni Knows dolls pick them up and take them to their leader, who turns out to be the actual Mel Gibson. Mel Gibson smiles, saying he can finally watch an interesting fight: Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson vs. Santa Claus, Ultimate Badass! Cut to credits, which serve as an intermission.


The final fake trailer follows:

Attack of the 1200-Foot Bitch: Mila Kunis stars in this monster movie, where she is a supermodel stuck in a teleportation device with Clifford the Big Red Dog (Mel Gibson). Their bodies merge, and Detective J. Jay Jai (Christopher Lloyd) must take down this new monster before it eats the moon, destroying the tidal cycles on Earth!




Picking up off immediately where the first two parts ended, Chuck Norris turns to Liam Neeson and says that they came here for Santa Claus’s help, not for a fight. Liam Neeson says that he never got exactly what he wanted for Christmas. Mel Gibson laughs insanely as Santa Claus walks out with his orange brainwashing cap. Mel Gibson raps that he’s the kind, and the ruler of the show, and the ying and the yo, and the to and thro! Liam Neeson asks him if he’s done, and Mel Gibson has had enough. He tells Santa Claus to do his thing. Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson brace themselves for the biggest fight in their life so far. That’s right, it’s time for the titular battle: Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson vs. Santa Claus, Ultimate Badass!

Chuck Norris tries to convince Santa Claus not to attack, but Santa Claus ignores him, punching Chuck Norris in the face! Liam Neeson won’t take this ridiculous crap from the jolly fellow, and pushes Santa Claus off of Chuck Norris! Chuck Norris is pissed, and thus goes into his trademark; he roundhouse kicks Santa Claus in the stomach! Unfortunately for Chuck Norris, he forgot to factor in Santa Claus’s belly of steel, hurting himself in the process of the roundhouse kick! He stumbles backward as Santa Claus approaches, laughing with a mixture of jolliness and pure evil! Liam Neeson gasps at seeing his good friend, Chuck Norris, take the humiliating fall!

Liam Neeson refuses to let Santa Claus get away with this, and thus runs up to Santa Claus, punching him rapidly in the jaw! As Santa Claus falls to the ground, Chuck Norris stands up, shakes himself off, and glares at Santa Claus! HE IS PISSED! No one pushes Chuck Norris to the ground! Chuck Norris begins rapidly kicking Santa Claus on every part of his body except the stomach, of course! Liam Neeson quickly sees the remote control that Mel Gibson is holding and using to control Santa Claus, Ultimate Badass! Liam Neeson thinks quick on his feet, and makes a snowball! Mel Gibson sees what Liam Neeson is doing, and attempts to have Santa Claus tackle Liam Neeson! However, Chuck Norris holds Santa Claus back, as Liam Neeson throws a snowball at the remote control! The remote control short-circuits and Santa Claus’s evil hat falls off! He is freed!

Mel Gibson quickly surrounds himself with Runni Knows dolls. Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson know a lost fight when they see them, so they grab the dazed Santa Claus and begin running out of the North Pole. However, they accidentally fall into a snowpack, down into a crevice. Chuck Norris, Liam Neeson, and Santa Claus are in shock from the fall, when Mr. T walks up to them, yelling that they destroyed his snow fort. Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson run up to hug Mr. T, overjoyed that he’s not dead. Santa Claus awkwardly apologizes for fighting Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson, and they accept his apology. Mr. T says he wishes that Samuel L. Jackson, Jackie Chan, and Bruce Willis listened to his advice, and then asks where they are. Santa Claus sadly breaks the news to Mr. T, and Mr. T begins to break down, but then says it’s not done yet. Chuck Norris says they need to take down Mel Gibson and retake the North Pole for Santa Claus.

Santa Claus obviously agrees, but then mentions he has a bad feeling where Mel Gibson is. We cut to Mel Gibson setting up his location of operations: Santa Claus’s house. Mrs. Claus is tied up to a chair, and Mel Gibson says they’re gonna have fun. Mrs. Claus screams in terror as Mel Gibson gets naked and starts to try to rape her. However, Mrs. Claus breaks free of her bondage, and an epic fight begins: Nude Mel Gibson vs. Mrs. Claus!!! Mrs. Claus slaps Mel Gibson in the face in a moment of epic feminism! Mel Gibson rubs his chin in anger, and then does a ninja flip to her stomach! Mrs. Claus yells at him how dare he kick her one-week pregnant belly, and then she punches Mel Gibson in the balls! Mel Gibson screams in terror, but then smiles in a pervy way; he proves he is done with Mrs. Claus messing around when he throws three knives, pinning her to the wall! He then puts another orange cap her, making her being mind-controlled! The fight over, Mrs. Claus demands that Mel Gibson have sex with her. Mel Gibson cheerfully complies.

Back in Mr. T’s snow fort, Mr. T says he can dig his way into the house, but it’d be faster if they all did it together. There is a montage of Mr. T, Chuck Norris, Liam Neeson, and Santa Claus digging their way toward Santa’s house. The montage is set to a rap song, “Tunnels Are Not Funnels,” sang by Mr. Snowman and with accompaniment by the infamous Snowrush. They continue their digging and eventually arrive at the house. Mr. T says he’ll stay down here and man the snow fort. Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson look at him weirdly, but Santa Claus agrees, and the three go up into the house.

They aren’t expecting there to be three Runni Knows dolls waiting for them! The fight begins! Liam Neeson attacks one with an uppercut, saying that this is for Samuel L. Jackson! The Runni Knows doll attempts to dodge but Chuck Norris flips over, dodging it and countering it with a punch to the Runni Knows doll’s stomach, destroying the doll! Santa Claus swings himself around to kick the second Runni Knows doll in the groin! Even though dolls do not have reproductive systems, the Runni Knows doll is in pain, while Chuck Norris grabs it’s legs and spins the doll around, causing an explosion! Liam Neeson kicks the last Runni Knows doll in stomach, while Chuck Norris does a roundhouse kick to its face! Santa Claus throws several bowling balls at the final Runni Knows doll, utterly destroying it!

Mel Gibson sees that his jig is up, and quickly decides to just shoot Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson with Santa Claus’s approved pistol. Santa Claus jumps in front of Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson as Mel Gibson shoots, saving their lives with his own bulletproof chest. However, Mel Gibson puts the gun up to Mrs. Claus’s head, threating her to be shot if they don’t give up the North Pole. Santa Claus stares at Mrs. Claus in utter loving, and Chuck Norris sees that they have lost. Liam Neeson refuses to lose though, and he tackles Mel Gibson! They get in a huge struggle, but Mel Gibson pulls out his pistol, prepared to shoot and kill Liam Neeson! Liam Neeson strikes the gun aside but it goes off, shooting and killing both Mel Gibson and Liam Neeson!

Mrs. Claus runs to Santa Claus for protection as Chuck Norris goes to grab Liam Neeson’s body, in hope of getting final words from him, but it is to no avail; Liam Neeson is as dead as a doornail. Mr. T crawls out of his hole, with some good news; with the death of Mel Gibson, all the Runni Knows dolls have shrunk back to normal size. Mr. T still thinks they’re evil little fools, but they should be gone. Santa Claus goes to comfort Chuck Norris, who tells the jolly man that Liam Neeson only came to help him get his mansion back. Santa Claus snaps his fingers, and says Chuck Norris’s mansion is back. More importantly though, Santa Claus tells Chuck Norris of an epic journey he can take to save the lives of all who have died in his life. However, their bodies must be sewed back together, which Mrs. Claus volunteers for.

Chuck Norris asks what he must do, and Santa Claus tells him that the gateway out of the Underworld rests in Conan O’Brien’s studio thanks to the deal he made with the devil. Mr. T’s eyes widen; he’s finally going to take on Conan O’Brien. Santa Claus tells Chuck Norris he can save the souls of Samuel L. Jackson, Jackie Chan, Bruce Willis, and most importantly, Liam Neeson. Santa Claus then tasks Mr. T of waiting around for a bit to take the bodies of Samuel L. Jackson, Jackie Chan, Bruce Willis, Liam Neeson, and Chuck Norris to Conan O’Brien’s studio for revival. Mr. T smiles, saying it’ll be his pleasure. Chuck Norris asks why he mentioned his body, and Santa Claus hands Chuck Norris a pistol, saying the only way into the Underworld without losing all your memories is to shoot yourself with Santa Claus’s magic pistol. Santa Claus asks Chuck Norris if he’s ready to do anything to save Liam Neeson and his friends. Chuck Norris says he made a promise; not only to himself, but to Liam Neeson’s daughter. He will do anything to save his friends. Santa Claus grimaces and hands Chuck Norris the gun. Chuck Norris promptly puts the pistol to his head and shoots himself.


Cut to credits. After the credits...

Santa Claus is back in his private quarters, picking up a large, red and white striped katana. "Now that that sh#t is done," Santa picks up the blade in its glowing glory, performing a trick with it. "I've got my own matters to attend to."




Theaters: 3,729
Rating: R for intense sequences of action and violence, drug use, strong language, nudity, sexuality, a rape scene, and disturbing images.
Budget: $50 million

Previous Films Gross: OW/DOM/WW
Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson vs. the Loch Ness Monster: 29.0/77.4/127.4
Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson vs. the Abominable Snowman: 41.3/96.6/174.6
Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson vs. Bigfoot: 57.0/138.6/256.2
Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson vs. Giant Spiders: 61.4/131.9/246.7

Santa Claus, Ultimate Badass: 22.3/64.6/93.9

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Flying Spaghetti Monster the Great and Holy


Presented in 3D


Date- February 3rd 

Genre- Comedy

Rating- PG-13

Theaters- 2,624 theaters

Budget- 25 million

Running Time- 85 minutes or 1 hour and 25 minutes

Studio- O$corp Pictures 

Director- Scott Moore

Actors and Actress-

Flying Spaghetti Monster- Jim Carrey


Plot: In Flying Spaghetti Monster the Great and Holy, the Flying Spaghetti Monster goes on trial to earn his godhood among a council of deities that includes Jehovah, the Buddha, Ganesh, Cthulhu, and Charlie Sheen. He is interviewed for an exclusive episode of the celebrity talk show In the Monster's Studio to discuss his relationship with Godzilla and other famous monsters. He rears his head at an archeological dig in a desert wasteland and dines with a horde of food demons in Hell. He rescues pirates, authors, and prisoners from the cold hand of death while banishing children to suffering and starvation. He is a just god, but only if you compliment his vodka sauce. The film is a hilarious comedy with may jokes and spoofs of modern day and past culture, religion, evolution, and humans. 

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Boy Band


Director: Richard Bates Jr.

Composer: Steve Damstra II, Mads Heldtberg

Genre: Comedy

Date: December 22

Studio: 906 Studios

Format: 35mm film

Budget: $3 million

Theaters: 2,988

MPAA Rating: PG-13 for some sexual content

Running Time: 86 min





Plot: A womanizer and his group of friends decide to start a boy band to get attention from half-naked attractive ladies all across the globe.

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Reality Shift


Director: Ben Stiller

Date: July 28

Genre: Comedy/Satire

Studio: Blankments Productions

Cast: Robert Downey, Jr. as Mark Flamed, Ben Stiller as Mike Scatman, Wallace Shawn as Paul Jones, Kristen Schaal as Keira Quail, Ed Helms as Adam Carrey, Jay Baruchel as Tanner Pine, and Rebel Wilson as Rachel Bell. Cameos by Jack Black, Jim Carrey, Tina Fey, Zach Galifianakis, Tobey Maguire, Melissa McCarthy, Piers Morgan, Jim Parsons, Seth Rogen, Adam Sandler, Kristen Wiig, and Betty White.

Music by: Christophe Beck

Runtime: 101 min

Tagline: Real life.


Plot Summary: A crazy reality show producer teams up with a hitman to kidnap people and make a 24/7 reality show about their life in captivity.



Mark Flamed was on the top of his game. He is creator and host of the hit show "Legacy," where people compete to become the longest lasting on an island. However, in recent years, his other shows has decreased his brand name. We go through "Pet Swap," "Human Pac-Man," "Mark Flamed's Protege," and "So You Think You Can Make A Better Reality TV Show Than Me," all of which become worse and worse received. The executive of DBS, Paul Jones, has had enough of Mark Flamed's flops, but Mark convinces him of one more show, his magnum opus.


"Babies With Broadswords" premieres with Mark happily hosting the bloodbath. Mark introduces the psychopathic parents, John and Mary, (Melissa McCarthy and Tobey Maguire) that gladly donate their children. John says that she loves fighting, and Mary says he just wants his child to be famous. The babies fight and end up chopping off each other's heads. John and Mary then sue DBS, but Mark and Paul happily point out that they signed waivers and thProxy-Connection: keep-aliveCache-Control: max-age=0 have no grounds to sue.


Unfortunately though, the first episode was broadcast live, and the FCC charges a massive fine to DBS. Paul is pissed at Mark, and says Mark can have more shot at a show, or else he's canceling "Legacy!" Mark then goes home to his mansion, depressed at how he has to deal with Jack Black living at the mansion next door. Before Mark pulls into his driveway, Jack Black invites him over to a weenie roast, but Mark says no, he has work to do. Jack Black shrugs, and then says he met an interesting guy earlier this week; a mustached hitman, Mike Scatman, who specializes in kidnapping, not murder. Mark tells Jack Black to leave him alone; he's having someone come in the morning to put mines in his front yard so Jack Black can't annoy him.


Mark then makes himself some popcorn and gets ready to watch the season premiere of "Legacy." He cheers everytime he does something; after all, he's awesome. However, during the show, we see Mike break into Mark's house, smiling. Thankfully, Mark isn't an idiot, and as soon Mike reaches Mark's TV room, Mark promptly pepper-sprays him. Screaming in terror, Mike listens to Mark's question asking who sent him, but Mike answers that he just wanted to be famous. Mark slaps Mike, and asks him what he means, and Mike blubbers, saying maybe "Confessions of a Psycho Kidnapper" would be good.


Mark thinks, saying it'd be a good show, but too many audiences these days would rather have conservative shows that stupidly follow the law. Mike looks around, and tells Mark he has a nice place. That's when Mark gets his genius idea; he's already having his house booby-trapped for Jack Black, so why not have Mike kidnap four random people, dump him in his house, and do a "Truman Show" meets "Big Brother" thing where there is 24/7 coverage of four people living together? Mike says it's an utterly stupid idea, but Mark asks him if he wants a show or not. Mike thinks for a second, and then tells Mark he'll be back in the morning with four people.


Keira Quail works the pharmacy at a local Walgreens. An old lady (Betty White) gives her trouble when she asks where the applesauce is. Keira tries to explain that applesauce is not a medicine, and is thus not in the pharmacy, but then the old lady calls her a hippie liberal. Keira won't take this, and yells at the woman to just shut up. Her manager (Jim Parsons) calls her over, and tells her that as this is a business, the customer is always right. Keira asks what if someone asks for arsenic pills, and her manager sighs, saying they have to give it to the customer. Keira looks her manager, appalled, and promptly quits her job. Storming out of the Walgreens, she hails a cab, and when one pulls up, she gets inside. Her driver asks her where to, and she says home. The driver looks at her weirdly, and knocks her out. We see that the driver was Mike in disguise.


Adam Carrey is a bartender at, well, a bar. He doesn't particularly like dealing with the drunks, but he took the job solely so he'd get unlimited drinks. However, a drunk (Seth Rogen) begins giving him a particularly hard time. Adam tries to get him to leave the restaurant but he refuses, instead choosing to lick Adam's face. Adam promptly calls 911 to get an officer to come arrest this man for disturbing the peace. However, a cab pulls up and Mike walks out of the cab. Adam grabs Mike, asking him if he's the police officer. Mike looks at Adam oddly, but says yes. The drunk goes up to Mike, hugging him and calling him his father. Mike promptly tases the drunk, and Adam thanks Mike profusely. Mike looks at the drunk, saying he won't do, and then tases Adam. Mike then carries Adam's unconscious body to the car and throws him in the back with Keira.


Adam then decides to get the last two reality show contestants at a local college. We see Tanner Pine studying hard at UCLA's college library. The librarian (Zach Galifianakis) walks up to him and tells him it's closing time. Tanner asks for a few more minutes; he's deep into 13th century English literature. The librarian begins hyperventilating and tells Tanner he needs to leave NOW. Tanner looks at the librarian in terror, and grabs his books. Tanner runs away, but the librarian screams at him that he didn't check out the books, he's stealing. Tanner runs out of the library, but the librarian is chasing him. He runs across the street, but is promptly hit by a cab. Mike runs out of the cab, scared he killed him, but it's easy to see that Tanner is alive, but unconscious. Mike loads Tanner in the car, and begins driving off into Sorority Row.


Two sorority girls that are way too old to be in college are showing off their sorority to new inductees. One girl, Rachel Bell, asks why they're still in college. The first girl (Tina Fey) says that once you're in this sorority, you never want to leave. The other girl (Kristen Wiig) agrees, saying that sometimes, people says sororities are like cults, and they're exaggerating, but with this sorority, it's the truth. Rachel is slightly weirded out by this, and she excuses herself to use a public campus bathroom. She walks into... the men's restroom. Utterly embarrassed, she runs out straight into Mike. Mike looks at her, and says she'll do. Rachel asks him what that means, and he promptly tases her, knocking her out. He then attempts to drag her to his cab, and finds near impossible. After about five minutes though, she's in the cab and they are off.


Meanwhile, Mark pitches his idea to Paul, who says it's utterly stupid. Mark asks him why, and Paul says it is much too sadistic a show to air. Paul then tells Mark he's had enough of his stupidity, and if he doesn't leave his office right now, he'll cancel "Legacy." Mark leaves grumbling, but then comes up with a horrendous idea. He goes to the central control room, which is being protected by a security guard (Jim Carrey). Mark offers the security guard a chance to have his own TV show, but the security guard denies it, saying he has his own priorities in life to move to Russia after he gets enough money here to become a star dancer. Mark looks at him oddly, and then pulls out a credit card. He hands the card to the guard and says spend as much as he wants. The guard cheers and leaves the room open for Mark's taking. Mark promptly deletes every show the network has.


Paul, in his office, is watching his station on TV when it suddenly goes black. Paul quickly calls up various people, asking them what to do with his suddenly black station. Mark then strolls in and points out that he has a live-show 24/7 ready-for-airing within twelve hours. Paul grimaces but realizes he has no choice but to air Mark's new show. Mark gives himself a high five while Paul looks on in bizarre fascination. Mark then excuses himself and calls up Mike. Mike says he has the four contestants and Mark once again gives himself a high five. Mike says he's just arrived at Mark's mansion, and Mark tells him he'll get to be co-host. Mike begins freaking out at this, but Paul then yanks Mark off the phone saying he needs to do press for the next twelve hours on their vacant station.


Mark gladly spins a yarn of epic proportions on national television, saying that throughout all of his reality TV making, he's always wanted to make a 24/7 show, and this is it: "Watch Out!" The show will air for at least a season, which will be how long it will take for DBS to make new scripted programming. Mark pitches the show to the audience: Four people have been "kidnapped" by a deranged host and must live together for the rest of their lives with the host being their only link to the outside world. The show is recorded with Mark's state-of-the-art HD security cameras, which are really just cameras Mark put up to take videos of himself. If they try to escape, well... Mark shows a video of a stuntman (Adam Sandler) walking up to Mark's mansion. The stuntman poorly acts, saying "Oh boy, how I'd love to crash that show and become instant celebrity." He then walks into the mansion's yard, and blows up. Mark continues, saying that's right, the entire yard is loaded with mines, with only the host with a electromagnetic pulse in his pocket to turn it off. Mark then proudly says the show begins NOW!


Mike begins speaking, saying hello to America and that he's so happy to finally have a reality show. Now, it's time to meet the contestants. He pulls out a bag, and dumps Keira, Adam, Tanner, and Rachel on the ground to awake them. They ask what's going on, and Mike says they've won a free vacation! Tanner looks at him oddly, and asks him if he's lying. Mike says yes, he is. Adam asks what's going on, and Rachel promptly tells everyone that she is going to watch the news first. Everyone looks her oddly for this bizarre proclamation, but she turns on the TV, seeing that they are on the TV. Keira asks Mike what's going on, seeing her action mirrored on the TV. Mike begins speaking, that they're on a new reality show seeing how long human beings can go living in a house with three total strangers and with no contact to the outside world. Adam bluntly says that's stupid, and he is going to leave. Mike smiles, and points out Jack Black, who is coming the front door to extend an invitation. He promptly explodes a mine, flying up his dead carcass into the air. Tanner throws up as Keira looks on in disgust.


We then show a montage of Mike introducing them to their new living quarters. Mark watches on from his control room in utter hope the show is a success. It is. Millions tune in for the 24/7 show, saying it is easily their favorite show currently airing. Keira, Adam, Tanner, and Rachel live in fear of Mike who shows psychopathic tendancies quite often, demanding they bow to him and massage his feet. Rachel refuses to do anything, but the other three follow Mike's orders since they do not want to be murdered on national TV. We see the four also grow closer together in a weird form of Stockholm Syndrome. They begin looking for a way to escape the show and return to their normal lives. Meanwhile, Mark does several interviews, happy to be back at the top of his game. Being smarmy, he says that he will have Mike join him in an interview on the six-month anniversary of the show. The contestants plan their escape for this day.


The day arrives and after Mike leaves via helicopter, they enact their plans. Tanner takes a pill that Adam and Keira have developed to allow his body to send out signals to turn off the mines. Tanner then leads the charge out. Unfortunately, the pill has a side effect of being a laxative, and Tanner screams in agony as he craps throughout the entire minefield. Adam tells him to shut up, and Keira says Adam is adorable. Rachel looks at them insanely, and tells them that she has nowhere to go to, and love is disgusting. She promptly commits suicide by walking away from Tanner's cleared out mines and blowing herself up! Keira, Adam, and Tanner look on in disgust, but then shrug, saying they never really liked her. They make it through the minefield and run off the place where Mark and Mike are being interviewed.


Unfortunately for Mark and Mike, the explosion of Rachel came in as breaking news in their interview. Mike begins crying as Mark says who cares about Rachel. The interviewer (Piers Morgan) asks Mark if he's insane, and Mark explains, no, that's Mike's job. The three contestants burst in, and the interviewer switches to talking to them, congratulating them on the escape. Mark realizes he needs to escape with his money or the FCC will kill him for the murder of Rachel on live TV, but Tanner won't let him. Tanner punches out Mark while Mike wakes up and goes into cardiac arrest. Adam and Keira kiss, saying that they've secretly loved each other the whole time. While they are celebrating, Mark escapes into the woods to live happily ever after as well.


The film then cuts to Mark, who pitching this idea for a film making fun of himself to Mike, who is in actuality a studio executive. Mike says he likes the idea, but he'll direct and star in it. Mark smiles, saying as long as he gets the lead it'll be good.



Theaters: 3,623

Rating: R for violence, drug use, strong language, and sexuality.

Budget: $80 million

Edited by Blankments
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A Wish for Wings that Work


Date- November 22nd 

Genre- CGI Animation/Christmas

Rating- PG

Theaters- 3,651 theaters

Budget- 85 million

Running Time- 95 minutes or 1 hour and 35 minutes

Studio- O$corp Pictures 

Director- George Miller

Actors and Actress-

Opus the Penguin- Elijah Wood


Plot: The film centers on Opus the Penguin. Opus is downhearted because, as a penguin, he cannot fly. His family and friends laugh at him because he wishes to fly like other birds. After trying desperately to fly and getting into trouble with the colony, he orders a machine and assembles it; when it comes time to test the machine by jumping off a three-mile-high cliff, Opus is persuaded to do something less dangerous, and goes home to make anchovy Christmas cookies. He does not give up on his dream though, and makes a Christmas wish to Santa Claus for wings that will go. On Christmas Eve, Santa is making his usual delivery when he loses his reindeer and crashes into a lake. Christmas is in danger and Opus jumps in and uses his natural swimming skills to pull Santa out. Opus dodges all different dangerous as he rescues Santa. To thank Opus for his daring rescue, Santa commands a group of ducks pick him up and take him flying through the air. Opus returns to his colony and is named a hero for saving Christmas.

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Brother & Sister


Genre: Psychological Horror/Thriller/Drama/Foreign (South Korea)

Date: October 20th

Theaters: 2,478

Director: Park Chan-Wook

Cast: South Korean Unknowns

Rating: R for disturbing images and language

Runtime: 93min (1hr, 33min)

Budget: $15 million


Two people in their 20s, a man named Kang-Dae and a woman named Myung live together in a small town. They are twins, yet they have a very special gift. They claim that they are able to follow the rhytms of the world, and they have proven to be able to see events in the future. (They predicted the 9/11 attacks and the 2007 recession, for example.) They are referred to as outcasts in society, even though they are often correct. One day, Valerie ventures out into the forest to find signs of future events, and she gets a dangerous feeling: A cataclysmic storm is coming across the world.


Kang-Dae and Myung try to warn the people in her community about the upcoming cataclysm, but no one is willing to believe them, resulting in their soon being checked into a mental institution. Kang-Dae and Kyung stay close and protect one another, upset that no one will believe their warnings. However, one nurse at the institution, Mun-Hee, begins to believe them, after Francis somehow connects with her mind. However, no one else will believe him, even with Kang-Dae's mysterious gift. Mun-Hee is told by Kang-Dae that he and her sister were born under very special circumstances, apparently causing "their minds to be separated from their bodies."


As Kang-Dae and Myung are escorted to recieve shock therapy, Mun-Hee gets into a fight with one of the nurses, claiming that they are right. She gets into a fight, losing herself for a moment, while a storm begins to brew outside. It is only a matter of time before the storm becomes ultimately disastrous, with brutal weather and fire spreading across the town. The scene is absolutely terrifying, and it is apparently spreading across the entire world. Mun-Hee looks at the two in horror, for they were right all along.


Mun-Hee soon wakes up in a hospital bed in a cold sweat, crying. She appears to be in the same mental institution that was present in the movie. She asks where Kang-Dae and Myung are, and why the storm has ended. A man tells her that Francis and Valerie are not real. They were just manifestations of her mind to give her the illusion that she was completely sane, deflecting her insanity on someone else. Mun-Hee looks up and says that she has to leave, and that the man must let her go. The man refuses, but Mun-Hee gets up and stabs him, running away after a dangerous pursuit. She soon arrives at a train station, where she says that there is somewhere that people will listen to her. She sees Kang-Dae and Myung waiting at the station, saying that they've been waiting for her.

Edited by Spaghetti
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A Woman in the Crowd


Director: Spike Jonze

Genre: Romance/Fantasy/Drama

Date: October 27

Studio: Blankments Productions

Cast: Anna Kendrick as Lyra Marshall, Eddie Redmayne as Milo Barlow, Ellen Page as Victoria Spar, Angus T. Jones as Scott, Hayden Paniettere as Jackie Smith, Ashley Gerasimovich as Sally, Jessica Brown as Regina, Jason Ritter as Rick, and Pierce Gagnon as Tommy.

Music by: Alexandre Desplat

Runtime: 118 min

Tagline: Everybody Is Made To Be Loved.


Note: Flashbacks are in italics.


Plot Summary: A woman cursed to always be forgotten attempts to start a relationship with the town gardener, despite her obvious disadvantages.



The film opens with Lyra simply strumming a lyre on the side of the road. Lyra narrates, saying when she was a kid and first heard about the lyre, she thought it was funny that someone named an instrument after her. She started playing it as a joke, but then eventually, she began to love music, especially music played on her lyre.

BLANKMENTS PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS. She continues her narration saying that this is her story, and not her story; rather, it is a story of human decency, friendship, and love. A SPIKE JONZE FILM. The day passes, and people throw money into her hat laid out before her. Lyra smiles, seeing she has made, through only tips, twenty dollars today. Lyra narrates that she’s always happy to see the people of Hustonville, Kentucky (population 350) are so generous. She stops by the local café, a place where everyone in town will be. The waitress, Jackie Smith, walks up to her, surprised. She says they rarely get anyone new in town, especially with an interstate highway right by them. Lyra just smiles and says that she’s been here a few times before. Lyra then promptly narrates that this is her 184th visit to the café, and it is the 92nd time this particular waitress has waited on her. Lyra orders a chicken sandwich (which Jackie says will be three dollars); and waits for it to arrive. As Jackie leaves, Lyra shivers.


TWO YEARS AGO. Lyra arrives in town, snorting at why she has to spend her first summer out of college in this dump. Her friend/roommate, Victoria, tells her to stop over exaggerating; Lyra will only have to stay here for a few days. Lyra says that she’s only here since Victoria is her best friend, and she’s a city girl through and through. Victoria teases that if she’s a city girl, why does she play the lyre? Lyra snorts at this, but then comes back at Victoria, saying that a music major is going to help her a lot more than Victoria’s bizarre major. Victoria says her major in Medieval Renaissance Studies is awesome, and totally useful. Lyra rolls her eyes at this yet again, and says she’s going out to play her lyre; maybe she’ll be able to con a few bucks out of the small town. Victoria rolls her eyes, reminding Lyra she grew up here, but Lyra is already gone.


Lyra, reading the newspaper, waits for her food. Jackie enters the dining room with the chicken sandwich, looking around for who ordered it. Lyra clears her throat, and Jackie looks at her with a smile. She remarks that they rarely get anyone new in town, especially with an interstate highway right by them. Lyra smiles at her, but Jackie sighs, saying she doesn’t know who ordered the chicken sandwich. Lyra asks if she can just have the sandwich, and Jackie says no, she has to pay for it out of her paycheck. Lyra says she’ll just pay the three dollars for it, since it does look good. Jackie thanks Lyra, and then leaves. Lyra goes back to reading the book as she shivers. Jackie then looks back, perplexed that someone is eating a chicken sandwich that she doesn’t remember serving. She shrugs.


It is a day later than the previous flashback. Lyra wakes up in an alley alone. Lyra feels incredibly cold. She gets up, and starts to walk to Victoria’s house, wondering just what happened the last night. People walk by and greet Lyra, like they’ve never seen her before. Lyra finds this odd, and then hunts down Victoria to ask her what is going on. Victoria introduces herself, and asks Lyra what her name is. Lyra gets in a panic, and begins running around town shoving herself into people’s faces, asking, demanding to be remembered. People are shocked, but within a minute, continue on their business, never remembering Lyra. Lyra begins to scream, asking why everyone is doing this to her. People look her oddly, but then continue on their way, never bothering to look at her. Lyra cracks, and, using some gasoline from a local station, sets the Town Hall on fire. Two policemen arrest her, but Lyra hugs them, happy she now “exists” in someone’s mind. However, by the time she arrives at the police station, the policemen start shaking their heads, and they then apologize to Lyra for the trouble, saying they were mistaken. Lyra leaves in despair.


Lyra finishes her sandwich and heads off to meet Victoria, who has taken a job as a local librarian. Another librarian, Scott, walks by, and Lyra asks if he can take her to Victoria. Scott obliges, but also compliments Lyra for her nice hoodie. Victoria, working the desk, welcomes Lyra, saying the library is always happy to have new visitors. Lyra smiles at this, and asks if she could speak with Victoria in private. Victoria asks why, and Lyra says it is a secret. Victoria is slightly weirded out, but allows Lyra to speak with her. Lyra gives Victoria her usual speech. “My name is Lyra Marshall, and you will not remember me. You won't even remember this conversation. Just like with everybody else I've ever met, everything I do or say will be forgotten. Every letter I've written will appear blank; every piece of evidence I've left behind will end up missing. Even evidence I leave upon myself disappears within a day. We see Lyra cut herself and her cuts heal within an hour. I'm stuck here in Hustonville because of the same curse that has made me so forgettable. We see Lyra attempt to leave down, but she only makes a few steps before falling down, freezing. Still, that doesn't stop me from doing the one thing that I love: making music. We see multiple days go by of Lyra just playing her lyre, trying to forget what is happening. If my melodies find their way into your heart, then there is still hope for me. If I can't prove that I exist, I can at least prove that my love for each and every one of you exists. Please, listen to my story, my symphony, for it is me.”


Two weeks after Lyra is cursed, she has had enough. She goes to the tallest building in town, which is four stories high. She gets on the roof and looks over onto the ground. She is ready to end it. Walking by the building is two men, one unknown and the other that will be soon known as Milo Barlow. Seeing Lyra on the ledge, Milo tells his friend to get some help, any help. As the friend runs off, Milo tries to reason with Lyra. He tells her there has to be another way, but Lyra just yells at him to stop talking, and his words are meaningless. Milo promises to her he won’t forget her, but Lyra scoffs at this, and says that this town is just a prison to her. Milo tries once again to convince her not to jump, and Lyra just asks him straight out why she shouldn’t jump. Milo replies that she’s special, and the world would be a lot less worth enjoying if she left it. Lyra narrates that this was the moment she realized that she wasn’t the one repeatedly dying during the amnesiac episodes; it was everyone else who was having their moments stolen from them. Lyra then realized that this man had so much caring for her, despite never meeting her before this moment, that she does not deserve to give him such momentary displeasure. She smiles for the first time since she was cursed, and walks away from the ledge.


Victoria says she doesn’t understand, and Lyra calls over Scott. Scott immediately compliments Lyra on her hoodie, but Victoria interrupts, saying that Scott already said that. Scott insists he’s never seen Lyra before. Lyra tells Scott to please get her a book by Jane Goodall; she and Victoria are in very heated discussion and they need the book brought to them as soon as possible. Scott glares at her, but then goes off to grab the book. Victoria asks Lyra why she needs a Jane Goodall book, and Lyra says she doesn’t need the book; she just knows that it is shelved farthest away in the library. Victoria asks how she knows that; this is the first time Lyra has ever visited the library to her knowledge. Lyra says she’s been to the library multiple times, and in fact, she’s known Victoria for years. Victoria is confused, and Lyra says that she was Victoria’s college roommate. Victoria says that Lyra is crazy, but then Lyra replies in monumental detail just how many boyfriends Victoria had in college, by name. Victoria is shocked, but still unbelieving, asks if this is a prank one of her friends set her up to. Lyra replies by asking what kind of prank, and then listing multiple pranks Victoria has been the target of. Lyra then smugly says that maybe Victoria should get new friends.


Victoria, in utter shock, asks just how Lyra knows this. Lyra says that Victoria has told her before, and they have had this conversation multiple times before. Lyra compliments Victoria for being intelligent but then points out that Victoria won’t remember any conversation they ever have. Victoria denies this, but then Scott returns with the Jane Goodall book. He blinks and then looks down at the book in confusion, asking why he brought it. Victoria tells Scott to stop being silly; Lyra asks for the book. Scott asks who Lyra is, but then tells Lyra that he digs her hoodie. Victoria says they’ve been talking for quite a bit, how did Scott not notice them? As Victoria and Scott begin arguing, Lyra tells Scott to forget about it, and Scott says he won’t, storming away. Lyra smugly, but sadly, comments that he’s probably already forgotten. Victoria asks what causes the forgetting, and Lyra says the two things are distance and time. No one can ever remember her after the sun sets.


Victoria, buying into Lyra’s story finally, asks how the curse happened. Lyra says she cannot say; she doesn’t have enough time. Victoria tells Lyra to write it down, but Lyra says she can’t, the words will only appear to Lyra. Victoria says then they’ll drive off to Lyra’s parents and get medical help there. Lyra says that’s not possible; if they try to leave down, Lyra will be overtaken by an insanely cold power. She will be unable to move thanks to the intense cold. Victoria asks why she came, and Lyra stops, saying this could be awkward. Before when she’s visited, she came to ask for news of friends and happenings in Victoria’s life, but this time, it was because Lyra has been desperate. She sheepishly asks Victoria for a hug. Victoria looks at Lyra sadly and gives her a hug. Lyra smiles at this first affection towards her in two years. Victoria then ends the hug, and comes up with an idea: she’ll take a picture of Lyra with her, and then she’ll remember from the picture. Lyra tells her that won’t work, but Victoria is already rummaging through her desk to find a camera. She finds it but then Lyra shivers. Victoria looks at the camera, and Lyra decides she needs to leave, since she hates seeing Victoria forget her.


Lyra goes to her house in the rain, a log cabin on the edge of town. She promptly goes to bed and wakes up at the crack of dawn the next day. Walking to the town square, she takes a slight detour to see a friend. We see a young man, Milo, gardening outside. He notices Lyra and says “Good morning, angel” to her. Lyra stops and smiles as Milo takes out a blue tulip and hands it to her. Lyra thanks him for it, even though it has happened to her several times before. Milo welcomes her to town, saying he’s never seen here before. Lyra narrates that Milo is the kindest man she has ever met, and she has become utterly smitten with him recently. As Lyra walks off, we cut to a montage of her explaining what she knows about Milo. He is a gardener, the only one in town. He wakes at the crack of dawn everyday as well. He does his weeding every morning before the sun rises too high. He is the sole reason the town is beautiful, in Lyra’s eyes. Most importantly, every day when Lyra passes him, he smiles to her, and says to her...


“Good morning, angel.” The next day. Lyra says she is charmed by the tulip, and Milo says it is his pleasure. He welcomes Lyra to town and then Lyra walks away. Lyra goes back to explaining her infatuation with Milo. She explains that she’s watched Milo, and the only person that he ever calls “angel” is her. Everyone else (and Milo does talk to everyone) is simply “miss,” “ma’am,” or “madame.” Lyra begins wondering why she is the one who gets to hear the words: “Good morning, angel.” The next day; a huge rainstorm is going on. Both Lyra and Milo are drenched. Lyra changes up what she says for once in response, asking if the tulip folds out into an umbrella. Milo comments that if it did, it’d make his job a lot easier. They both laugh, and Lyra walks away. That night, Lyra goes to talk to Victoria about her crush on Milo. However, Victoria is out at a party, and it’s only Scott. Lyra smiles, and decides to ask him for romantic advice. Lyra shakes off this peculiar occurrence and then asks if it’s wrong to have a romantic relationship with this guy. Scott says there’s nothing wrong with a crush. Lyra feels apprehensive, but Scott says it only makes sense for a person to be attracted to another; it’s just the way of life. Scott asks if the man Lyra likes only gives him flowers .Lyra says yes, and Scott says that when a guy repeats the same action over and over again for a girl, that means that they really like her. Scott says it has to be that way, or else he would be extremely forgetful. Lyra frowns at this, but Scott continues that she should go for the guy. Scott tells her to peruse the guy, and to have a great time in town. Lyra smiles and leaves the library.


The next day, we see Lyra go out to the café. She particularly times her visit with Jackie’s lunch break. She sits at the counter next to Jackie and after introducing herself, Lyra asks Jackie for romantic advice. Never one to turn down the chance for advice giving, Jackie tells Lyra to shoot. Lyra tells her story, but when she says that the guy always says “Good morning, angel,” Jackie interrupts, asking if Lyra is serious. Lyra is confused, but then says after the guy says that, he always hands a flower. Jackie asks if it is a rose, and Lyra says no, it’s just a tulip. Jackie snorts and says that she’s pretty sure this guy is baiting her. If he was being serious, he’d use a rose. She calls it the oldest trick in the book, and Lyra sarcastically says that she’s certain Jackie has read the book several times. Jackie says that the first time she met a guy interested in her, she slapped him in the face. Lyra almost does a spit-take and asks why. Jackie answers it was a guy her age who had the gall to kiss her on the job. Lyra insists that the guy is nicer than that, and Jackie decides to level with Lyra. Jackie says most guys these days are only interested in getting laid, but if Lyra is serious about this guy, then she should just ask him straight out. Lyra thinks about and leaves the restaurant after paying for her food, vowing to do so tomorrow.


However, the next day, Lyra accidentally sleeps in a few hours late. She heads out to the town square, seeing that Milo has left his house as it is later in the day. There is a big hullabaloo going on over the engagement of two people in town. Lyra smiles at them, knowing they are perfect for each other. Victoria and Milo are talking together in the crowd surrounding the engaged couple and Lyra walks in next to them. However, as soon Lyra walks up to them, they walk away, not noticing her, to congratulate the couple. Milo begins to compliment the man of the couple, Rick, when his eyes suddenly shut halfway and he leans limply to the side. Victoria is worried for a second, but then smirks at it happening again. Rick nudges Milo awake asking him to stay with them. Milo’s eyes flutter open and he apologizes and then asks when the wedding is. The woman of the couple, Regina, answers within two months, and Rick says it’s funny; he was thinking of leaving the town about a year ago, but if he did, he’d never meet the love of his life. Milo remarks that it’s funny how fate is often swayed thanks to love. Victoria rolls her eyes at this, and asks Milo if he could lay it on any thicker. Milo then asks Victoria if she’s ever seen a happier couple. The couple laughs and says they have to go meet their parents at the café. They invite Milo and Victoria to join them, but they both say they have work to do, at the library and tending to the local flowers. Everyone else in the crowd leaves the square, leaving Lyra alone with a boy, Tommy, along with Victoria and Milo talking to themselves on the other side of the square. Lyra notices Tommy gazing at a girl, Sally, and Lyra smiles at this young love. However, Tommy realizes his brother, Rick, has left, and he runs off to join the party.


Meanwhile, Milo walks with Victoria to the library. Milo talks about how happy he is for the couple, saying he was worried about them once, but is happy they have proved him wrong. Victoria points out that it is almost as if Milo is jealous. Milo asks her what she means, and Victoria says whenever the town has a marriage, he always gushes over the couple. Victoria adds a question: Why doesn’t Milo get married himself? Milo awkwardly stops and says he doesn’t think that’ll happen anytime soon. Victoria says it always seems like the nicest people (she gestures to herself and Milo jokingly) are always married to their work. Milo says it’s really more that he hasn’t met that special somebody yet. Lyra watches on this conversation and then runs away afterwards. She convinces herself that she is Milo’s special somebody.


Later that day, she goes to the local dress shop. It’s a small emporium but everyone is celebrating the owner, Regina. Lyra goes up to talk to her about her impending marriage, and Regina apologizes for not recognizing Lyra. Lyra says it’s no trouble; she’s just one of Victoria’s college friends. Regina remarks that Victoria never told her she had friends visiting, but no matter. Lyra asks Regina how she knew Rick was “the one” and Regina says he qualified for all of her romantic dreams and more. Regina asks Lyra if she’s ever had a romantic dream.


The next day. Milo smiles at Lyra. He hands Lyra the flower. Lyra tells him that if she is an angel, then she has lost her wings many months ago. Milo looks at her with a sad expression, so Lyra apologizes and tries to leave. Milo grabs Lyra’s shoulder and asks her what she means. He insists that Lyra explains what he means. They go on a walk through the woods as Lyra explains her curse and how Milo will never remember this conversation is one of the worst possible things in her life. Milo says he understands, and he explains how. An angel clipped of their wings always looks for other ways to fly. Lyra swoons at this, and realizes that this, this is what her life is meant for. She tells Milo her name and begins crying into his arms. Before long, evening arrives. Lyra begins worrying that Milo will leave her and forget her. She invites him to her cabin, where she will play him a new composition she has written. To Lyra’s surprise, Milo is actually interested. They arrive at her house, and when they enter, Milo marvels at all the musical instruments Lyra owns. Lyra lights the fireplace, and realizes she is sweating through her hoodie. Lyra turns to Milo, and asks if the gentleman will oblige her wish to take off her hoodie. Milo does so, and Lyra smiles into his eyes. Milo moves in for a kiss, and then begins whispering her name into her ears. They both lie down in front of the fireplace, smiling at each other. Hours go on until they fall asleep, staring into each other’s eyes. Lyra wakes up, and sees the sunrise. Her heart begins racing, and Milo wakes, and asks her what is wrong. He says her name. Lyra begins laughing, overjoyed that someone finally remembers her. She goes in and kisses him passionately, finally finding a truly great reason to continue living.


Lyra blinks, ending the romantic dream. She then turns to Regina and says romantic dreams are just that: dreams. Regina looks at her in shock, saying maybe for Lyra, but for Regina, her dream came true. Lyra apologizes, but Regina continues, saying that in the horrifically depressing world of today, dreams are needed to continue on with life. Regina reasons that is simply human nature for love; after all, everybody is made to be loved. Lyra smiles at this, and tells Regina she’s happy her dream has come true. Regina thanks Lyra, and then says she just needs to learn one dance; otherwise, Rick’s parents will be extremely disappointed at the wedding. Lyra excuses herself from the building and heads home as the sun sets.


“Good morning, angel.” Lyra takes the tulip and smells it. She then looks at Milo and asks why. Milo blinks and, stammering, asks Lyra what she means. Lyra stares at Milo and asks him why she is an angel. Lyra narrates that at this point, she was taking deep breaths to prevent herself from ramming her head into a wall for sheer stupidity. Nevertheless, Lyra continues her line of questioning, asking Milo why he would call a random stranger something so flattering. Milo nervously scratches his head, saying she reminds him of... Lyra asks if it’s another girl, but Milo insists no, she reminds her of a memory. Milo apologizes, saying he shouldn’t have put her on the spot like that. Lyra yells that Milo has no reason to feel bad; she’s just curious since the tulip is beautiful. Milo comments that the tulip matches her blue eyes, and there’s rarely anything in nature that is as strikingly blue. Lyra giggles, saying she’ll buy that response, but Milo continues, saying as for what he said, it’s a long story. Lyra insists she has time, and Milo smiles. Milo says he knows Lyra must be a stranger around here since he’s never seen her before, but he is the city gardener of Hustonville. Lyra pretends to be surprised, and Milo continues, saying he didn’t want to be planting flowers for a living; his parents were both active members of the military. For as long as he remembered, he wanted to follow in their footsteps. Lyra says sincerely that that is interesting, and asks if it was simply because it is what his parents did. Milo says not entirely; he was sick a lot as a child, and even now he still frequently deals with dizzy spells. However, in his childhood there was always something that helped him through these episodes. Once, he was really sick, and he had a dream that somebody had taken away the sickness in the middle of the night. He woke up then and looked out the window, swearing he saw two blue eyes staring back at him. He soon realized it was only the moon. Other people said he was delirious, but he always swore he encountered his guardian angel. Lyra asks why he never joined the military, and Milo frowns, saying that it is not simple to join the military in his condition. Milo then smiles awkwardly at Lyra, thanking her for reminding him of that fateful night when he was a child; he wishes that everybody could have an experience where they met their guardian angel and waken up from it with memory. Lyra looks down, smiling, and says she wishes that everybody would remember something so wonderful. A thud is heard, and Lyra looks up.


Milo is lying on the ground. Lyra covers her own mouth from screaming, but she still begins hyperventilating. She leans down and feels for a pulse. Thankfully, Milo is still alive. Lyra yells for help, screaming that Milo is hurt, and he has fallen unconscious. She calls for a doctor, but Victoria, walking by, tells Lyra to shut up. Lyra is confused, as Victoria walks to her, smiling. She asks if Lyra is new to town, but Lyra ignores the question, asking her to get help; they were just talking a few minutes ago. Victoria rolls her eyes as she goes to feel Milo’s brow. Victoria then tells Lyra that Milo is just having another cataplexic episode. Lyra, still panicking asks what that means, and Victoria explains that Milo has a rare form of narcolepsy, meaning he falls asleep suddenly and often during the day. Victoria then screams in Milo’s ears to wake him up, and Milo does in shock. Staying on the ground, he opens his eyes slowly and asks if he did it again. Victoria smiles at him and tells him not to sweat it, it was only three or four minutes. Milo frowns, saying this is the fifth time this week. Victoria says that Milo should apologize to his friend for freaking her out. Milo says he didn’t have company, but then, seeing Lyra, says “Well, good morning, angel.” Lyra looks around awkwardly, seeing her tulip, dropped on the ground. She apologizes for interrupting Milo’s day and rushes off, being sure to grab her tulip off the ground.


Lyra heads to the town’s park to play her lyre for money. She becomes quickly lost in the music and also in thought of Milo, wondering about what she has learned about him. She plays the music for a while until she suddenly hears someone singing along. Lyra opens her eyes, seeing Sally sitting next to her, happily singing to the music. Lyra screams in sudden fright and Sally, frightened too, apologizes for distracting Lyra. Lyra, calmed down, says it was fine, and it added to the music. Lyra compliments Sally on her singing voice, calling it a true talent. Lyra asks if she’d like for her to play another song, and Sally smiles at her, saying why not. Sally sings along to Lyra’s lyre, making a gorgeous melody out of the classical music. Lyra turns to Sally, and says that if she shared her voice publicly, like at the café or library, people would be throwing coins at her like no tomorrow. Sally nervously says that sounds painful, but then her cell phone rings with a text. She looks at the text, which says her friends are meeting her at the café. She runs off, thanking Lyra for the time. Lyra smiles, and goes back to play her lyre when she hears Tommy say that Sally sounded beautiful. Lyra turns to Tommy, who is standing nearby. Lyra asks Tommy if Rick knows he’s spying on girls, and Tommy says he wasn’t spying on Sally; he was merely researching her. Lyra laughs, saying that sounds familiar. Tommy says Lyra looks smart, and asks her for romantic advice. Lyra is at a loss for words, but then just says flowers is a good idea. Flowers are always a good idea. Tommy runs off to get flowers, and Lyra smiles, packing up her lyre, deciding tomorrow, she will start a plan to win over Milo.


A montage begins of “research” days. “Good morning, angel.” Lyra grabs the tulip and asks Milo what his favorite color is. He is at a loss for words, as Lyra adds in that it can’t be blue. Milo shrugs and says red. Lyra smiles back at him and tells him to have a wonderful day as she walks off. “Good morning, angel.” Lyra asks what his favorite smell is. Milo is utterly confused, and Lyra clarifies the question: what is his favorite fragrance? He begins thinking about it, saying he can’t really decide since he works with so many flowers. Lyra pushes, saying that there has to be one scent that is ultimately preferred. Milo says then that he does have a deep appreciation for jasmine flowers. Lyra then grabs the tulip (which Milo has been holding out the entire time), and thanks him for it. “Good morning, angel.” Lyra asks what his favorite musical composition is. Milo begs her pardon, as Lyra asks him that if he could, right now, listen to any single musical number that he had the ability to choose, what it would be. Milo asks if Lyra is a musician, but Lyra tells him to humor her. Milo thinks for a bit and then answers that he likes Ode to Joy, as they used to play it at military parades quite a bit. Lyra smiles, saying she can play that in her sleep, and then walks off, leaving Milo utterly confused. “Good morn-“ Lyra interrupts, asking him what his favorite place in town is. They are in the middle of town, and Milo is walking with Victoria. Milo is confused by the interruption and Lyra explains her question, if he could spend an entire afternoon doing nothing but lying back and enjoying the beautiful weather, where he would go in town to do it. Milo answers that he’d go to the lake on the east side of town, since staring into the waves makes him feel meditative. Lyra says that sounds wonderful, and skips off. Victoria asks what that was about, and Milo shrugs, ending the montage. Lyra begins scribbling a composition together, a rearrangement of Ode to Joy. She looks at a vase collecting all of Milo’s dozen tulips. She then goes through a cabinet, finding a red thread. She runs back to the tulips, and begins plucking the buds. She then runs off to Regina’s dress store. Tomorrow will be the day.


Victoria and Milo begin walking down the road, their usual morning stroll. Victoria says tomorrow the town will apparently be knocking down the east wing of the library, and Milo says that’s sad, it’s been open since he was a kid. Victoria teases him, saying that one day, his eye for beautiful things will be the end of... him? She finishes her statement with a question mark, as Milo turns around, and says “Good morning...” his heart skips a beat “angel.” Lyra smiles at him, wearing a gorgeous silken red gown with blue trim embroidered about the cream-colored seams in tiny floral patterns. Her lyre hangs from a blue sash draped over her left side. She is wearing a crown of tulips, made up of all the flowers Milo has ever given her. She replies to Milo, saying that isn’t he the charmer. Milo gulps and says quietly, he is only charmed, and then holds out a tulip for her. Lyra thanks him, saying he is too kind, but where could she put it? Milo stammers, saying he doesn’t know; he doesn’t want to ruin the beautiful woman in front of him. Lyra laughs, and asks if everyone in town is so poetic. Milo apologizes, saying he didn’t mean to impose. Lyra tells him not to be sorry, he’s just the man she was looking for. Milo asks what she means, and Lyra asks if he is Milo Barlow, the town gardener. Milo answers that yes he is, but why is she asking. Lyra says he’s supposed to be the local expert on flora, and she’s been meaning to speak with him. Victoria looks at Milo and Lyra, and then quietly exits the area. Lyra explains that she is a musician from Nashville and she was planning on performing some shows around town. She wants to have a good reputation, and thus wants to build a stage for her performances. In particular, she wants to have a beautiful floral arrangement surrounding her on the stage.


Milo, somewhat infatuated, says that that’s so pretty. Lyra smiles, as Milo quickly corrects himself by saying it’s a pretty good idea, and she came to the right man, it’s not like he’s a computer expert or anything. Lyra, noticing that Milo is nervously rambling on, asks if Milo is really the town’s only gardener. Milo, calming down, says there are plenty of farmers on the outskirts of the small town, but as for florists, he is the only one. Lyra says that’s why she came to him; if one is to be the only florist in a town, they must be a true expert on beauty, which is important for her stage. Milo modestly says no one should call him special, but then his eyes suddenly twitch and he tilts up his face for a second. Lyra is nervous that he will flip out, but instead, he smiles, and asks if he smells jasmine. Lyra smiles, saying that that is merely her perfume; most musicians strive to be the best in every way. Nervously, Lyra asks if it’s awkward, and too sophisticated for such a casual meeting. Milo smiles, saying not to worry about it; it is simply lovely. He then asks Lyra if she is looking for any particular type of flower. Lyra says she’s fine with any type, but she doesn’t want to take away too much time from Milo. Milo says time is no issue; he’s finished his morning rounds. Lyra asks him what that means, and Milo says that he goes from building to building each sunrise, making sure the flowers are still in bloom, keeping weeds from growing in the shopfronts. He was considering going across the street to the east wing of the library to pluck it free of wildflowers. Lyra, realizing this is the building about to be torn down, asks why, and Milo responds that he hates to see anything so colorful go to waste. He also says he’s sad that the building is going down; an antiquity will be lost forever. Lyra agrees with him, calling him a very thoughtful man. Milo thanks her for the compliment, and then says he knows just the place to show her an example of flowers, “Lyra.” Lyra smiles, but then stops, asking if he really just said “Lee-ra.” Milo, confused, says he thought that was her name, and Lyra laughs, saying that he’s pronouncing her name wrong. Milo asks how so, and Lyra explains she’s never heard anyone say it like that. Milo says that if he says it the normal way, it sound like “liar” which is a terrible thing to insinuate. Lyra says she guesses so, but she could’ve never guessed after trying so hard that he would mispronounce her name. Milo is confused by this, saying he’s never had a chance to say her name before. Lyra, trying to find a way to hide her curse, says that she’s a little delirious, since she’s not used to getting up so early in the morning. Milo smiles and says it happens to the best of them. He then asks Lyra to follow him.


Milo takes Lyra to his greenhouse on the other side of town. Lyra looks in wonder at all the plants he has, as she has never actually visited the greenhouse before. Milo promptly shows her some carnations and daisies that he says would be perfect for a show. Lyra asks him if he likes living here, and Milo says of course, he prefers the tranquil peaceful life, compared to living in a hectic big city. Milo says he finds it amusing seeing city people come to this small town searching. Lyra asks what they’re searching for, and Milo answers completeness; after all, that’s all anybody truly wants in life. Milo then turns and grabs some carnations. He says that these would be perfect for any type of performance, and then he says, smiling, that they’d compliment her dress very much. Lyra asks what flowers would be good for, say, a private performance, and Milo asks if she means a serenade. Lyra slowly nods, and Milo cracks a smile, saying she wouldn’t need any help with that. Lyra frowns, but Milo reassures her, telling her that some things can’t be helped, as they are already perfect. Lyra puts her hand on Milo’s shoulder, and says that if there’s one thing she has learned recently, it’s that life can always be perfected; all it takes is the right moment and the right soul to share it with. Milo looks at her, and gives a slight smile. He calls Lyra a remarkable woman, and asks if she can play her lyre as well as she can say her sentences. Lyra turns around to grab the lyre from her sash, and says she believes she’s a better musician than speaker when she suddenly hears a thud. Lyra turns around and finds Milo unconscious on the ground. Lyra begins taking deep breaths, so not to panic. She begins stroking his hair rapidly, in an attempt to wake him up. After a minute, Milo begins to wake up, and Lyra asks him if he’s alright. Milo murmurs that he thinks so, and Lyra looks away, trying to find a way out. She comments that Milo took a nasty fall and he was lucky she was there to check on him. Milo asks if he bumped into something and Lyra says it’ll heal, and then says she’ll be on her way. Milo looks at her confused and says he thought Lyra was going to join him in picking flowers. Lyra automatically says thank you, but then turns around, surprised. She asks Milo if he remembers her. Milo shrugs, and says it’d be pretty rude if he forgot her. Lyra helps Milo up and then asks him to say her name one more time. Milo looks at her oddly and says, “Lyra. Lyra Marshall.” Starting to break down crying, Lyra murmurs in shock, asking where he wants to go. Milo raises an eyebrow and begs her pardon. Lyra then clears her throat in attempt to stop the light tears, and asks if they could take a walk together. Milo looks at the flowers and then back at her, and then says, yes, he’d like that. Lyra smiles at him, saying she knows just the place.


A few minutes later, they arrive at the lake. Milo smiles when he sees it, saying he’s always loved hanging out by the lake. Lyra smiles to herself, saying she’s always liked it too. As they walk along the shore, Milo remarks that few people frequent the lake, which he doesn’t mind since he does enjoy the quiet. Lyra asks if Milo considers himself a loner, and Milo answers only on occasion. He then asks the same question to Lyra, and she answers yes, but not by habit. They continue making small talk, with Milo asking if she is on the road often thanks to her music. Lyra says, no, she just doesn’t socialize. Milo is surprised by this, saying Lyra is quite a talker, although she is perhaps a wee bit too philosophical. Lyra smiles at him, asking if it’s wrong for a woman to philosophize. Milo smiles back, saying there’s nothing wrong with it; he just figures that a woman would rather live than be stuck in a never-ending debate over the world’s state. Lyra, winking, says that there’s more to a woman than cooking, cleaning, and giving birth. Milo stops and says that’s not what he meant; he means that there are many beautiful things in this world, and the majority of them happen to be demonstrated by women. Lyra giggles, and jokingly calls Milo a strange man and a tad backwards. Milo says that walking backwards is a good way to practice for doing what counts going forwards. Milo then thanks Lyra for helping him back to his feet at the greenhouse, and asks her if she’s tired of walking. Lyra asks if they could sit down, and Milo escorts her to a flat stretch of grass. They both sit down gently and take in the sight of the lake for a bit.


Milo says he didn’t always enjoy this peacefulness. Curiously, Lyra asks if it was by choice. Milo says actually, no, he grew up in a military household, meaning they never stayed in the same place for long. Most kids could adapt to be on the move constantly, but with Milo’s narcoleptic condition, he didn’t really fare too well. Lyra says that it must’ve been unnerving to have grown up without a firm base and without an anchor when he was ill. Milo replies that his parents were his anchor, along with the other people they worked with. He says he has always had the deepest respect for the military, but he wishes he could contribute more than that. So many men his age have given their part, but he has never had the chance to do so. Lyra asks bravely if it is because he has something to prove. Milo smirks and says it’s more like something to gain. Lyra asks what, and Milo answers clarity. He wants clarity of what to do with his life, as he’s recently has been fearing that it’s too late to do anything. Lyra nods, saying either they can analyze the past to death or they can recreate what was lost with the gifts they now have. Milo says he doesn’t understand, but Lyra shushes him. She quietly pulls out her lyre and plays her beautiful arrangement of Ode to Joy on it. When the song is over, Milo stammers that that was amazing; the most delightful rendition of the song he has ever heard. Lyra giggles and says she’s practiced and- she’s cut off by Milo beginning to softly cry. Milo says that his parents used to march that song. He would watch them from the compound fence after school, and then they’d walk home together. He’d always march along with them poorly from behind the fence. They always believed him, and he won’t give up on making it into the military. Milo feels like he owes to them, to their legacy.


Lucy realizes that Milo’s parents have died, and she asks Milo what happened. Milo coldly answers they were on a ship overseeing a supply drop-off; an entire military detachment was sent to guard the supplies. One night, there was a rupture in the ship’s steam tanks and that was that. Lyra apologizes, saying she had no idea and she is sorry to hear that. Milo tells her not to be sorry. Usually when he hears Ode to Joy, it is merely a carefully orchestrated arrangement with no soul to it all, but Lyra’s arrangement makes him feel like it is personally for him. It makes him feel like the dead are alive. Lyra looks at her lyre sadly, and says that sometimes, she feels too much. Milo asks curiously why’s that, and Lyra responds with a question: does he ever feel like he stumbled upon a moment that he felt as if he was meant to be there at that place and at that time for a purpose? Milo thinks about and says once or twice. Lyra sadly says she feels that every day, with more and more intensity as time passes, but there is never any reward to them. Milo says that perhaps she just needs to seize the moment; perhaps every time she reaches the edge of that moment she never takes the leap of faith toward it’s reward. Lyra looks away, realizing that she, she will always have infinite moments like this, but this is Milo’s one and only moment like this. Milo looks at Lyra, sad but confused. He says he doesn’t understand and asks Lyra what she means. Lyra shushes him and grabs his hand. She asks him if he remembers what he thought she was when they first met. He strains for the answer but then murmurs, smiling, “Angel.” Lyra looks away, beginning to softly cry.


Lyra then turns back to Milo, telling him he is his own guardian angel. When he suffered through illnesses as a child, when he endured the loss of his parents, when he fought over and over again to achieve his dream of joining the military, and finally when you settled for his humble life here, it's been him and him alone whom he’s had to thank for such strength. Lyra says she only wishes he would accept that which has made himself strong, that which is here for him here. He doesn’t have to keep searching. Milo gazes at Lyra, and says that he didn’t know he was searching until he met Lyra. After all Lyra has said to him within the span of only a few hours, he’s starting to finally feel secure. He looks directly into Lyra’s eyes and asks her just who she is. Lyra stops lightly crying, and realizes what she must do. She says in a monotone that she’ll tell him more, but first – her voice cracks – she needs for him to do something for. Entranced, Milo murmurs that he’ll do anything. Lyra searches to find something; she sees marigolds under a tree about thirty-five feet away. Lyra weakly points and asks if Milo can grab her one or two of those marigolds. Milo looks at the marigolds and then back to Lyra, and asks why. Lyra lightly giggles, saying that she wants to explain something, and she needs to make an analogy. Milo nods, and says he’ll be right back. He gets up and leaves. Lyra stays sitting until a few minutes pass and she hears Milo say that it’s interesting that marigolds are here, but he has plenty of them in his greenhouse. Lyra gets up and walks away, lightly crying. Milo then asks himself why he is spending a good afternoon gathering more of them.


Lyra runs back to her house, wanting just the day to be over. She takes off her crown of tulips, and just stares at it sadly. She puts it down, and without taking off her dress, lies down on her cot. She begins crying herself to sleep. The next day, we see Victoria and Jackie standing outside the library, or rather, outside a safety perimeter. Lyra walks into town, and asks Victoria what’s going on. Victoria, without really paying attention to Lyra, says that they’re about to blow up the east wing of the library. A crowd begins forming to watch the implosion. Victoria turns to Jackie and says it feels like something’s missing. Jackie snorts and tells Victoria not even to joke about things like that, and Victoria replies that Milo isn’t here. The construction workers start the timer for the implosion as Lyra freezes up and Victoria says that it’s a shame; she knows he’d be sentimental about the building. Victoria then screams suddenly, and Jackie asks her what’s wrong. Victoria points to the side of the east wing. Lyra looks there, and sees, in terror, that Tommy is right next to the library. The construction workers have no idea how he got past their sweep of the building, but it’s no matter. Tommy is grabbing several wildflowers around the building, and Lyra horribly realizes that if she hadn’t distracted Milo the previous day, the flowers wouldn’t be there. Jackie calls Tommy an idiot and tells him to get away from there. The construction leader stops Jackie from saving Tommy, saying the place is about to blow; no one can go help. The construction leader then yells at Tommy, saying he needs to get out of there; the place is going to blow up. Tommy hears this and tries to leave; however, as he gets out of the flowerbed, his foot gets caught by some weeds. Victoria screams that someone should go help him, and then suddenly, Milo’s voice is heard, saying he’ll go help him.


Lyra turns and sees Milo run from his flower cart to Tommy, and he helps him out of the weeds, shooing him ahead to run out of the construction site. Milo follows Tommy for two seconds, but then, wheezing, collapses onto the ground unconscious. Tommy hears the thud, and then looks back at Milo, trying to drag him, to no avail. The construction worker yells there’s thirty seconds until it blows.  Victoria pushes off Jackie, who had been holding onto her, and runs forward to rescue Milo and Tommy. However, Lyra runs past her, and Victoria stops in bewilderment for a second. The construction leader then grabs Victoria, holding her back. Lyra arrives, and Tommy asks if she can help him lift Milo. Lyra says there is no time, and then tells Tommy to sit on top of Milo. Tommy is confused but does so. Suddenly, the building explodes and Lyra gets on top of Tommy and Milo, completely covering them. She is willing to risk her life for theirs. Much to her luck, wood and nails rain around her, but she is merely cut all over her body. After the rain of various building parts end, she gets off of them, and smiles, happy to have survived. Tommy asks her how she’d know that would work, and Lyra says grimly that she fully expected to die. Tommy gets off of Milo, worried, and he yells that Milo isn’t moving. Lyra says he’s alright, they’re all okay. Lyra cracks a huge smile. Victoria runs up to them, and asks them if they’re okay. Lyra says they may need medical attention for various cuts and bruises, but they were lucky nothing huge landed on them. Victoria begins ignoring Lyra, and runs to Milo’s unconscious body. She yells to Jackie to get the town doctor, and Tommy begins blubbering, apologizing for his stupidity. Victoria rolls her eyes, and says she needs to take Tommy out of here; she turns to Lyra, smiling. She asks if Lyra can watch Milo for a minute. Lyra, confused, says yes, and Victoria smiles at her but looks at Milo in worry. Victoria then takes Tommy with Jackie to the doctor leaving Lyra alone with Milo.


Lyra looks at Milo in love, cradling him in her hands. She brushes his hair aside, seeing the various cuts and bruises he has on his face. Finally, she kisses him on the cheek, breaking down into quiet sobs. She says that she loves him, even though he’ll never know that. She kisses him again, and leaves before Jackie, Milo, and Victoria arrive with the doctor. The next day, Lyra sits on her bench alone, not even playing the lyre. Tommy walks by, sad, and sits down under a tree next to Lyra. Lyra turns to him and asks him why he is so glum. Tommy looks at her and says sadly he almost got somebody killed yesterday. Lyra smirks and says he doesn’t look like the murdering type. Tommy explains that he did something stupid yesterday by looking for some flowers for a girl. Lyra says that’s sweet, but he’s a little young to be crushing on girls, isn’t he? Tommy rolls his eyes, saying that’s what all his friends say. Sally walks by, and Tommy freezes up. Lyra looks at the two stare at each other for a bit in silence. Tommy eventually says hello, and Sally returns the greeting. Tommy stammers and says that Sally has a good singing voice, from he’s heard. Sally looks down, and Tommy continues saying that Sally’s like the coolest girl he knows, and she seems really awesome and- Sally then promptly throws up in front of Tommy. Tommy jumps back in disgust, and Sally immediately begins apologizing, saying she doesn’t know what came over her. Tommy says it’s okay; that was awesome, he’s never seen anyone throw up like that before. Sally asks if that’s really true, and Tommy says yes. Sally asks if Tommy wants to play with her and her friends, and Tommy immediately says yes. They run off to have a fun time.


“They are so sweet,” says Victoria as she walks down the street. Lyra turns to her in surprise. Victoria continues, saying that the people of the town are being too hard on poor little Tommy. Lyra says in a monotone that she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Victoria says it was her fault; she should’ve convinced the construction workers to put more protection around the library before the implosion. Lyra says that Victoria seems distracted, and then it hits her. Lyra coyly asks, “Who?” Victoria shrugs, saying it doesn’t matter; besides, the guy she likes needs someone more sweet and caring than her. Lyra says that what somebody needs, they often already have. Lyra adds that the people who search the hardest always end up alone. Victoria muses that there are worse fates, and Lyra nods in agreement. Victoria walks off, saying good-bye, and Lyra waves to her, trying to figure a way to help Milo.


The next day, Victoria walks into the wing of the library still standing, the west wing. Scott says something came in for her, and she asks if it’s a new book she asked for. Scott says it’s on her desk, and Victoria goes to check her desk. Sitting on top of it is a crown of tulips. Victoria gasps and then picks them up, marveling at them. A few minutes later, Scott walks into her office to ask her to help him move some new arrivals, but he stops, seeing Victoria has left, and there is nothing on her desk. Meanwhile, Milo is at his usual location in town, still bandaged but mostly healthy. He goes to grab a flower from his cart when he sees Victoria standing in the way. Milo gasps but then smiles, asking her if she wants him to collapse everyday. Victoria stares at him, asking if he wants to see her wear them. Milo asks her what she means, and Victoria takes out the crown of tulips from her back and places it on her head. Milo says that they are remarkably fresh tulips, even though they are a few days old and compliment her well. Victoria says that only Milo could make such fresh flowers last so long. Milo looks at her oddly, as Victoria realizes that he didn’t send them. Victoria says this to him, and Milo stammers, asking how did she think that could be his doing. Victoria says ashamedly that she knows it is silly, and she throws the crown to the ground. Milo asks what she means, and Victoria says that when he looks at couples that are happy, he looks at them the same way he looks at her. Victoria continues, saying it’s stupid they lie to themselves since they know they feel the same way about each other. Milo says he knows, but Victoria continues, saying that she always feels like she’s searching and searching, but she’ll always be alone. Victoria begins to tear up, saying she almost lost Milo two days ago, and she was afraid she wouldn’t have the chance to do this. Milo tells Victoria that he’s been afraid to do this. He’s been afraid that Victoria knows more than he ever did about what he wants to do with his life, and she’s so much stronger than him too. He would never be able to protect her, since he’s weak. Victoria tells him that he can protect him more than he can expect. Milo looks at her, and then bends down to grab the crown. He then places it back on her head, and Victoria smiles through her tears, saying she doesn’t think they match her eyes, and Milo responds that they match her smile. Victoria leans in and Milo kisses her.


Victoria and Milo continue kissing as we see Lyra watching the scene. She smiles and concludes her voice-over finishing the movie: “I may or may not find an escape from this horrible curse of mine.  Sometimes, more than anything, I just wish that somebody would love me. Oftentimes, I wonder if I’m important to the world, despite my apparent lack of existence. I just feel like an extra in a movie, but moments, moments like this? They make me remember that day I could’ve ended it all, but didn’t, and for good reason. People like Jackie, Victoria, and Milo make me realize life is worth living, even without actually having a life. I'm Lyra Marshall. I’m the lovely melody stuck in your head, even without you remembering where it came from. I’m Milo’s guardian angel, even without him ever remembering me. Most of all, I am merely A WOMAN IN THE CROWD.


Theaters: 3,453
MPAA Rating: PG-13 for language, sensuality, and thematic content.
Budget: $40 million

Edited by Blankments Into Darkness
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The Girl Who Leapt Through Time


Director: Kevin Lima
Producer: Genndy Tartakovsky
Genre: Young Adult Sci-Fi/Romance
Date: August 4

Studio: Blankments Productions
Cast: Shailene Woodley as Emily Kones, Elle Fanning as Marcy Kones, Tina Fey as Aunt Kelly Yonnes, Sterling Knight as Charlie Menay, Daryl Sabara as Alex Timz, and Bridgit Mendler as Natalie Smith
Music by: Howard Shore
Runtime: 103 min
Tagline: Based on the award-winning story.

Plot: Emily Kones lives with her family in Brooklyn. Emily lives with her parents and younger sibling Marcy. Her aunt Kelly Yonnes, is an art restorer at the Museum of Modern Art. One day, when Emily discovers a message written on a whiteboard at her high school, she inadvertently falls upon a mysterious, walnut-shaped object. On her way home, Emily is ejected into a railroad crossing when the brakes on her bicycle fail and is struck by a train. She is transported a few minutes back in time to before the accident. Kelly explains to Emily that she has the power to "time-leap", to literally leap through time. At first, Emily uses her power extravagantly to avoid being late, to get perfect grades on tests, and even relive a single karaoke session for an entire hour, but Emily soon discovers that her actions can adversely affect others.

Seventeen-year-old Emily ends up using up most of her leaps frivolously, to prevent undesirable situations from happening, including an awkward love confession from her best friend Charlie Menay. Emily eventually discovers a numbered tattoo on her arm which counts down. She determines that the tattoo indicates that she can only time leap a limited number of times. Using her remaining time leaps, Emily attempts to make things right for everyone. Emily impulsively uses her final leap to prevent a phone call from Charlie asking if she knows about time-leaping. Due to this, she arrives too late to prevent her friend Alex Timz and his new girlfriend, Natalie Smith, from being struck by a train when they borrow her faulty bike. However, time suddenly freezes and Emily discovers Charlie nearby.

Charlie confesses that he is from the future, the walnut-shaped object is a time-traveling device and he used it to leap through time to see a painting that is being restored by Kelly, as it has been destroyed in the future. While walking with Emily in the frozen city, Charlie explains that he stayed longer in her time frame than he originally planned. He admits to using his final leap to prevent Alex's accident and has stopped time only to explain to Emily what the consequences will be. Having revealed his origins, the nature of the item that allowed Emily to leap through time and being unable to return to his time period, Charlie must disappear. Emily realizes too late that she loves him.

True to his words, Charlie disappears when time begins again. Initially distraught at losing Charlie, Emily discovers that Charlie's time-leap had inadvertently restored a time-leap to her: Charlie had leapt back to the time before Emily used her final leap. Emily uses it to safely leap back to the moment when she gained her powers, at which point Charlie still has one remaining time-leap. Emily explains to Charlie that she is from the future and reveals everything he told her concerning who he is, the ability to leap through time, and his reasons for extending his stay in her time frame. Emily promises to make sure the painting stays safe so Charlie can see it in his time. Before Charlie leaves, he tells Emily that he will be waiting for her in the future. When Alex asks her where Charlie went, she says that he went to study abroad, and that she made a decision about her own future.

Theaters: 3,827
MPAA Rating: PG for brief violence, sensuality, some crude humor, and brief language
Budget: $40 million

Edited by Blankments Into Darkness
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Psy: I'm a Gentleman!Director: Bruce Hendricks

Genre: Foreign Concert/ActionDate: January 20Studio: Blankments ProductionsFormat: Filmed in 3DCast: Psy as Himself

Music by: PsyRuntime: 98 minTagline: MOTHERFATHER GENTLEMAN


Plot: The film follows Psy's second huge hit for internet fandom, interspersed with concert footage from Korea.


Theaters: 2,112MPAA Rating: PG-13 for brief sexuality and action.Budget: $6 million  


Previous Film Gross: 0.9/1.8/19.7

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The Best Foot Porno Of All Time


Director: Kevin SmithGenre: ComedyDate: February 3Studio: Blankments ProductionsCast: Kevin James as Jimmy Shoes, Jerry Trainor as Ronny Noob.Music by: Harold FaltermeyerRuntime: 77 minTagline: Pizza?


Plot: Jimmy is down on his luck, along with his bud Jerry. However, they come up with the best idea of all time: make a foot porn! The rest of the movie is their foot porn, which tackles all porn cliches but it's with feet sock puppets.


Theaters: 2,647MPAA Rating: R for strong language and sensuality.Budget: $20 million

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Ke$ha: Animal, Cannibal, Warrior


Director: Marc Singer

Genre: Concert

Date: April 7

Studio: Blankments ProductionsFormat: Filmed in 3DCast: Ke$ha

Music by: Ke$haRuntime: 102 minTagline: Die Young


Plot: The film follows Ke$ha's rise to fame and stardom, interspersed with concert footage.


Theaters: 2,501MPAA Rating: PG-13 for suggestive content and languageBudget: $10 million

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The 13th Night


Date- October 6th

Genre- Horror Remake

Rating- R- disturbing images, strong bloody graphic violence, and strong language (Appealed from NC-17 rating)

Theaters- 2,924

Budget- 15 million

Running Time- 93 minutes or 1 hour and 33 minutes

Studio- O$corp Pictures

Director- Darren Lynn Bousman

Actors and Actresses

Paul- Jake Abel

Daniel- David Henrie

Joseph- Eric Knudsen


The original came out in Year 1 and making 13.3M/35.0M/45.0M


Plot: The movie begins with three best friends (Paul, Daniel, and Joseph) excited about going to college. During a tour the guide tells new students about a legend of a brutal killing that happened in the dorms of an all boys boarding school. The boys laugh and joke when they find out at they are rooming in the same room that the murder to place. The first 12 nights nothing really happens except they get strange messages warning them to get out and strange occurrence happen like figures in the mirror, wind blowing in, and the door opening and shutting on itself. They think it is the other boys at the school trying to scare them out. On the thirteenth night, they find red paint all over the back of the door. During the night, Paul hears a strange noise coming from the closet. He gets up to turn of the light but the light will not turn on. He then runs to the door and tries to open it but it will not open. Paul wakes up the other boys and tells them that the light will not turn on and that the door is stuck. Daniel tells Paul to just go to bed and that it is probably just a prank. He is interrupted by a scream from the closet. All boys jump and grab something to defend themselves with. Then the widow burst open and rush of air causes chaos inside the room. Paul is grabbed by an invisible force and literally torn to pieces in a gory mess. Joseph runs to the door and tries to open it. He is grabbed and dashed multiple times on the head with a bat. His brains are invisible eating. Daniel grabs the bats and starts hitting the air. The ghost throws a pole and pierces Daniel in the stomach with it. Then the ghost lifts the pole and throws Daniel out the window. The audience hears yells from Daniel and then silence. The light in the room turn on and the door swings open. Several students run into the room to know what the noise was all about. The door slams shut and we see the students be literally torn to pieces in hideous ways. We see police and ambiences surrounding the dorm. In the window of the room we see the ghost laughing and writing on the wall in blood. GIVE ME MORE!! The police enter the room and find the blood on the wall. The room is basically bathed in blood and gore. The police can’t figure out the cause of the murder.

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The Scottsboro Boys


Director: Seth MacFarlane
Genre: Musical
Date: July 7
Studio: Blankments Productions
Cast: Sharon Washington as the Lady, Seth MacFarlane as Mr. Bones/Sheriff Bones/Lawyer Bones/Guard Bones/Attorney General/Clerk, Forrest McClendon as Mr. Tambo/Deputy Tambo/Lawyer Tambo/Guard Tambo/Samuel Leibowitz, John Cullum as Interlocutor, James T. Lane as Ozie Powell/Ruby Bates, Josh Breckenridge as Olen Montgomery, Kendrick Jones as Willie Roberson, Julius Thomas III as Roy Wright, Christian Dante White as Charles Weems/Victoria Price, Rodney Hicks as Clarence Norris, Jeremy Gumbs as Eugene Williams, Derrick Cobey as Andy Wright, and Joshua Henry as Haywood Patterson

Music by: John Kander
Runtime: 114 min
Tagline: A Jolly Good Time!

Plot: s she is waiting for a bus, a lady lifts a corner of a cake box she's holding. As it brings back memories, the scene around her fades aways, and the minstrels arrive ("Minstrel March"). The Interlocutor, the host of the Minstrel Show, introduces the players in the troupe, then begins the story of the Scottsboro Boys ("Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey!").


In 1931, Haywood Patterson, one of the nine boys at a train station, is ready to see the world ("Commencing in Chattanooga"). As the train is stopped, two runaway girls jump out. To get away, they accuse the nearby boys of rape ("Alabama Ladies"), and the boys are sent to jail. However, without a good lawyer ("Nothin'"), they are found guilty and are sentenced to death at Kilby Prison. Eugene, the youngest, has nightmares ("Electric Chair"). Awaiting execution, the boys think about the one thing they want most ("Go Back Home"). Just as the executions are about to begin, the verdict is overturned. In the North, the case has become a cause celebre, and the Supreme Court has ruled the boys didn't have effective counsel. While the boys aren't free, they do get another trial ("Shout!").


A year later, they are still in prison. Haywood learns to write, and shares his short story ("Make Friends With the Truth"). The next trial gets under way in the spring of 1933. Public outrage over the trial has grown, especially in the North. They are given a New York lawyer, Samuel Leibowitz, to represent them to court ("That's Not The Way We Do Things"). During the trial, Ruby Bates, one of the girls, surprises the court and admits that the boys are innocent ("Never Too Late"). But, upon cross-examination, the Southern District Attorney claims that Ruby Bates' change of heart was purchased by the defense ("Financial Advice").


While the boys sit in a holding cell, waiting for the verdict, they talk about what they will do when the trial is over, believing that they can't be found guilty of crime that never happened. They talk about heading North, but the Interlocutor reminds them that they belong in the South ("Southern Days"). The boys are found guilty again and are sent back to prison. Haywood tries to escape in order to see his mother before she dies ("Commencing in Chattanooga (Reprise)"), but he's quickly caught.


As time passes, Leibowitz and the North continue to appeal the verdict. In every trial, the boys are found guilty. Even the other girl, Victoria Price, begins to buckle ("Alabama Ladies (Reprise)"). By 1937, four of the youngest boys are released, but the other five remain in prison. Haywood wonders: "Will there ever be justice?" Finally, Haywood is brought up for parole in front of the governor of Alabama, but is demanded to plead guilty ("It's Gonna Take Time").


He tells the truth that he didn't do the crime, but is sent back to prison again ("'Zat So?/You Can't Do Me"). Haywood dies twenty-one years later in prison. As the show ends, the Interlocutor calls for the finale, but the boys are reluctant ("The Scottsboro Boys").


The scene fades back to the bus stop, just as the bus arrives. The lady, who is, in fact, Rosa Parks, boards the bus. The driver tells her to sit in the back to make room for a white man to sit down, but she stays in the front. Parks' actions spark the Montgomery Bus Boycott.


Theaters: 3,384
MPAA Rating: R for strong language, sexual material, and disturbing images
Budget: $60 million


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