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Crunching the Numbers: Lucky Number Slevin

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The Martian Chronicles

 

An Alpha Production

 

Throwing Spaghetti Against a Wall To See What Sticks IS NOT How You Make a Movie

 

 

To put it simply, The Martian Chronicles is an adaptation of Ray Bradbury's collection of short stories. The adaptation simply grabs tons of those short stories and plasters them together in chronological order with an insane budget and says "Go!"

 

The result is a film with a billion characters, most of whom are developed about as well as cardboard cutouts, a dozen-plus stories and subplots, most of which last about 10-15 minutes tops and result in humans repeatedly acting stupid and odd and oblivious without ever learning from the previous five or six times other humans did similar things and failed utterly. There is no overarching story, just humans coming to Mars many times, Martians being curious and then suddenly dying, humans acting stupid, robots, a random Edgar Allen Poe tribute that takes up 10 minutes of the film for no reason other than Edgar Allen Poe, and then the obligatory 1950s nuclear war allegory. It's obvious that the filmmakers didn't even try to update the characters and content of the film to reflect that we're currently in the 21st century and the old 1950s fears and societal environments no longer exist.

 

So we have a film that has an utterly fractured story that it makes no attempt to connect either dramatically or thematically, it has boatloads of characters who are either stupid or uninteresting mostly, and it decides to go for obvious style and visual and pretty much anything not having to do with having an interesting tale. It's lazy and boring and doesn't even try to hold your attention with an adventure worth telling.

 

It's worse than The Academy.

 

D

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Category update:

 

The Box Office Category

1. Spark 2: Ignition: B+

2. Amulet: B+

3. Blank: B+

4. Justice League: B

5. Call of Duty: Eye of the Storm: B

6. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer: B-

7. The Wanders: Prometheus

8. Journey: C+

9. The Academy: D+

10. The Martian Chronicles: D

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The Martian Chronicles

 

An Alpha Production

 

Throwing Spaghetti Against a Wall To See What Sticks IS NOT How You Make a Movie

 

 

To put it simply, The Martian Chronicles is an adaptation of Ray Bradbury's collection of short stories. The adaptation simply grabs tons of those short stories and plasters them together in chronological order with an insane budget and says "Go!"

 

The result is a film with a billion characters, most of whom are developed about as well as cardboard cutouts, a dozen-plus stories and subplots, most of which last about 10-15 minutes tops and result in humans repeatedly acting stupid and odd and oblivious without ever learning from the previous five or six times other humans did similar things and failed utterly. There is no overarching story, just humans coming to Mars many times, Martians being curious and then suddenly dying, humans acting stupid, robots, a random Edgar Allen Poe tribute that takes up 10 minutes of the film for no reason other than Edgar Allen Poe, and then the obligatory 1950s nuclear war allegory. It's obvious that the filmmakers didn't even try to update the characters and content of the film to reflect that we're currently in the 21st century and the old 1950s fears and societal environments no longer exist.

 

So we have a film that has an utterly fractured story that it makes no attempt to connect either dramatically or thematically, it has boatloads of characters who are either stupid or uninteresting mostly, and it decides to go for obvious style and visual and pretty much anything not having to do with having an interesting tale. It's lazy and boring and doesn't even try to hold your attention with an adventure worth telling.

 

It's worse than The Academy.

 

D

 

That sentence would've been enough to make people understand everything (Even though I liked the Academy)

Edited by ChFloppit
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Seeing that everyone likes throwing spaghetti at a wall... I shall do it too, sometime... in the future. YOU WON'T SEE IT COMING SPAGHETTI. The wall won't see you coming either.

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Oh god, you want to do it again, don't you?

 

 

I've thrown Spaghetti on the wall too :ph34r: year 3.

 

 

Seeing that everyone likes throwing spaghetti at a wall... I shall do it too, sometime... in the future. YOU WON'T SEE IT COMING SPAGHETTI. The wall won't see you coming either.

 

I'm practicing with ravioli. Prepare for your doom!

 

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Unbalanced 4

 

A Hiccup Production

 

Spiders Have Balance Problems Too

 

 

I wasn't a fan of the first 3 Unbalanced films. This time around I was pleasantly surprised. In part due to Spider mayhem, but in part to 2 of the other stories being particularly strong (Story 1 was too short to really impact beyond being an opening teaser). So, a big success for Hiccup in finally getting me onboard, at least for this outing.

 

B+

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The Box Office Category

1. Spark 2: Ignition: B+

2. Amulet: B+

3. Blank: B+

4. Unbalanced 4: B+

5. Justice League: B

6. Call of Duty: Eye of the Storm: B

7. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer: B-

8. The Wanders: Prometheus

9. Journey: C+

10. The Academy: D+

11. The Martian Chronicles: D

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Unbalanced 4

 

A Hiccup Production

 

Spiders Have Balance Problems Too

 

 

I wasn't a fan of the first 3 Unbalanced films. This time around I was pleasantly surprised. In part due to Spider mayhem, but in part to 2 of the other stories being particularly strong (Story 1 was too short to really impact beyond being an opening teaser). So, a big success for Hiccup in finally getting me onboard, at least for this outing.

 

B+

 

Sad it was over The Wanders but still...

 

 

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