BiffMan

"Animals could be bred and slaughtered!" Who knew Kubrick could be so damned funny. Another of those rare perfect films. A+ and then some.

Can't disagree with either of those.

Rather than repeatedly compare this to The Longest Yard: It's the UK/soccer equivalent of it and mentions in the opening credits that it's based on the film. On top of that, Vinnie even bears a passing resemblance to Burt back in the day and there are quite a few shot-for-shot homages to it. All in all very faithful to it while still having its own style and angle on the core story. All in all a surprisingly decent film that I'd likely have never stumbled on if not for running through Statham's movies. It goes a little far into melodrama for my tastes, but the acting is fine and it's full of really good moments. Vinnie isn't remotely as fun as he was in Lock, Stock or Snatch, but given that he's playing a soccer star fallen from grace who has just been imprisoned and forced to coach a soccer team against his wishes, I couldn't really expect it. The ending soccer match was highly entertaining and had some truly excellent moments and some wonderful play-by-play from inmates Bob & Bob. Statham finally turns badass! He plays Monk and all the backstory we're given is showing him shirtless and ripped (according to my sister, this is a core requirement for a proper Statham movie) while practicing tai chi in a cage and that he killed 23 people with his bare hands. That's really all the character introduction he needs as the rest of the time is a wonderful amount of Statham looking like a barely controlled psychopath while repeatedly kicking and punching people. I expected that we'd see a fair amount of that during the match, but what I didn't expect were his utterly fantastic daydream sequences. From imagining himself destroying one of the guards to being the hero in goal, he keeps going off into la-la land and then snapping back to the present. Combined with his manic stares and near-rabid behavior, the daydreams are one of the more effective things in the film and completely cracked me up. Badassery Quotient - 7 Statham's not in much of the film, but when he's on screen, he's in great form. No gunplay, but we finally get to see him doing some form of martial arts and the first time we're asked to accept he's a complete badass. Which of course he his, but it's a testament to his awesome screen presence that he's believable in such an over-the-top role. Rewatchability - Sure The second act drags quite a bit, but I'd go back and watch again just for the daydreams alone. All in all an entertaining movie that I'm glad I stumbled into and one I'd feel comfortable recommending to any Statham, Vinnie, soccer, or The Longest Yard fan.

Ah, The Transporter. The first Statham movie I ever saw and pretty much his definitive film. It's all the more impressive given I now know that, outside of Mean Machine, he effectively had no action pedigree to suggest that he could carry the lead in this type of film. As with Mean Machine, we're again asked to believe he's this complete bad-ass and we can completely accept that due to a brilliant character setup. From the opening bank robbery escape gambit, he's shown as completely calm and in control, with the nervous bank robbers providing the perfect contrast. We next see find that he has a moral code with the compassion he shows to the kidnapped girl. Shortly after that, we see what a hand-to-hand badass he is with the weaponless assault on Pathetic Bad Guy's house. The best part is that all of this is handled with zero exposition, we're just shown it and we believe it because of how well Statham acts the part.It certainly doesn't hurt that he did most of his own driving and the majority of his own stunts. One of the more well-rounded performances I've seen in an action movie and I think this would have been a smash hit and complete classic if not for 3 little details:1) The damsel in distress sucks. She's beautiful and I'll cut her slack for not acting in her native language, but she's not at all good. She's actually given a decent role for a female in an action movie but fails to capitalize on it and is a distraction in nearly every scene.2) The bad guys really suck. Pathetic Bad Guy isn't even up to the standards of the throwaway villains in a Jackie Chan movie. There was the potential for that role to be amusing, but not with that actor. Asian Kenny Rogers as the girl's father is a complete farce and distraction, more so than the girl if that's possible. It'd be one thing if that was done intentionally, but given how solid the rest of the film is, I think we have to accept that he's just horrible. Granted, interesting bad guys are hardly a necessity, but I do need a little more than this to work with.3) The plot would suck if there was one. This movie is at its strongest before what could loosely be called the plot kicks in. The first two thirds of the movie is nothing but character setup and Statham reacting to events as they unfold. And it's brilliant. Once we're told what's going on with the girl, the movie falls flat and would have been completely anti-climatic if not for the excellent chase sequence at the end. I personally don't really need a plot to enjoy a movie, but imagine what this movie could have been if it had one? It's a testament to how completely amazing the rest of the movie is that it holds up very well even with all that working against it. Statham is flat-out amazing, not just in his action sequences, but the palpable sense of overall badassery throughout the film. Hell, he even looks controlled and competent taking a break for a sandwich at a gas station. Rather than telling us that he's a mixed martial arts champion or that he killed 23 guys with his bare hands, they introduce his melee skills with the wonderful camera shot through a door peephole of him doing a flying kick at it. What follows afterward is one of the more frenetic and well-choreographed fight sequences I've ever seen. Excellent direction and amazing timing, particularly during the axe sequence. I'm sure those axes aren't razor sharp, but they're being swung full-force inches over Jason's head. Hats off to the entire second unit and stunt teams for their efforts.Veteran French actor François Berléand puts in a fantastic performance and is easily the best thing in this movie outside of Statham. Their scenes do so much to establish their history without actually wasting time telling you their history. Given how excellent François is, I can't help but wonder what might have been if the girl, Pathetic Bad Guy, and Asian Kenny Rogers had been equally strong. Then we'd have only had that little issue of the complete absence of plot to deal with.Badassery Quotient - 10The Jason role and I've never seen someone this thoroughly badass outside of an Arnold or Die Hard movie. He can drive. He can shoot. He can kick you in the face. He can shoot you while driving. He can kick you in the face while shooting you. He can do all of that while looking sardonically menacing with a minimum of dialogue or even just the odd grunt. Fantastic stuff and most of that is down to Jason himself.Rewatchability - Yes pleaseCan I watch it again now? Please? Anyone want to watch it again with me? Geez, what a fun movie. Love the direction, love the acting, love watching Jason do what he does best. May have to pop this in again soon and listen through to the commentary.

Not cliche in the least and it is a big deal. I started going to movies around the same age, but being a couple of years older, I was lucky enough to see Raiders in the theater and it's the one that started my love of seeing movies in a theater. I think it's awesome that it still has that big of an impact on you even though you weren't technically reliving a childhood memory.

Mean Machine (2001) The Transporter Thanks!

I was drug along to this by a friend. Wasn't really wanting to see it, but I lost the moral high ground on saying no to a movie after suggesting we see Premium Rush last year, so my hand was forced. Actually had quite a bit of fun with it. The movie is more or less what you'd expect, but I thought they struck the balance between camp and "reality" pretty well. Reminded me of the tone from Army of Darkness and served the movie well. B-

Was it by any chance the 30th Anniversary and/or IMAX restored version? That looks and sounds simply phenomenal on the big screen and was a real treat. Awesome that you finally got to see the best big screen movie ever made (Lawrence of Arabia or Jaws would be close seconds for me) on the big screen!!

"What do you mean 'Look in the dog'?" Another Guy Ritchie movie which at face value sounds remarkably similar to Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels. I've heard uniformly great things about this, so have been looking forward to it. Turns out to be a very fun movie, more polished than Lock, Stock, and with some wonderfully quirky characters. Definitely ramped up the blood and would certainly cross over into buckets-o-blood territory if not for how many people die off screen. Still handled in a nice cartoon-meets-reality manner though and often used to great comedic effect. Equally impressive f*bomb dropping here, 163 times according to IMDB, so I may have to wait a tad longer before the kids get to see this one. I do Quite like Guy's style again and I'll need to go back and re-watch the Sherlock Holmes movies soon with these two early films of his in mind. Jason is again great here and really nailing the deadpan humor bit. He makes a wonderful straight man to all the insanity going on around him, yet still has this great sardonic edge. He's again oozing charisma here although understandably acting a bit more panicked for most of the movie. Not sure if he's just being himself or if he actually has some decent acting chops this early on in his career, but his open and direct manner through both of these films has been damned impressive. Still anxious to see him kicking someone in the face while shooting someone else in the knees, but I'll try to be patient. Brad Pitt. I tend to run very hot/cold with him depending on the role. With Daniel Day-Lewis or Gary Oldman, I can almost forget who the actor is, but with Brad I all to often just see Brad Pitt pretending to be someone. Thankfully he's completely awesome here and while I do still see mostly Brad, his accent and handling of the "pigmye" speech is fantastic. Love the scenes where Brad says something, Jason & whoever look at him blankly, and then all his friends chime in and repeat verbatim what he just said. Wonderful stuff. Also glad to see Vinnie again and was very amused that we first see his character bashing someone's head in with a car door just like he did in Lock, Stock. I may have to look up some of Vinnie's other movies, he's wonderfully charismatic and pretty damn funny in every scene. His reactions when trying to take down Boris the Bullet-Dodger are priceless and his timing is impeccable. Badassery Quotient - 6 I'll bump it up one over Lock, Stock just due to Jason's repeatedly refusing to back down from the heavy, but still nada going on action-wise for Jason himself. Certainly in the thick of it and full props for his awesome screen presence. Rewatchability - Yes please Excellent film and another I'd be happy to come back to again. I think this one will grow on me over time and certainly could become a very quotable one. Between the two, this is the better made film, but I think I may have enjoyed Lock, Stock a little more. The main characters in Lock, Stock are so completely in over their head and naive that it makes the contrast to the nastiness of everyone else all the better. Not to take anything away from Snatch though. Damned fun.

"There's no money, there's no weed. It's all been replaced by a pile of corpses" I somehow missed seeing this and Snatch in the theater and have inadvertently managed to avoid them ever since. I've been aware of Guy Ritchie, but to date have only seen his two Sherlock movies, so I'm quite interested to go back to the beginning and see both he and Jason Statham get their starts. I've heard it mentioned that Jason didn't do much action at all in his first couple of movies, so it'll be fun to see why he was cast if not for the kicking of the faces and the shooting of the guns... Lo and behold, another instant favorite of mine! Almost going overboard on the quirkiness angle, but excellent fast-paced dialogue and a fun example of weaving all the threads into one big tangled mess at the end. This struck me as almost a gangster-populated version of The Full Monty and it's in the non-violent parts that this movie finds its heart. I was instantly rooting for the main four even before the poker game and loved the cinematic punch of showing Eddy staggering and dazed after busting out of the game. From that point, I'm hooked and enjoying the ride. A good thing too, since otherwise the jumping from thread to thread could have been an annoyance, but here it's handled with a great sense of humor and a knowledge that it'll all tie together if I'm patient. Not at all the sort of performance I was expecting for Jason, but he's great all the same. No action at all from him, but from the opening rapid-fire hustle dialogue, he's already oozing charisma. His deadpan delivery is put to excellent use here as one of the more sane ones in the gang and his expressions are wonderful. I love his ability to look annoyed, incredulous, intimidating, and dismissive all at once. He must be an interesting guy to hang with, particularly knowing where his career is headed. All in all quite the debut performance. I'm quite amazed at the quality of performances here, particularly given this is Ritchie's first go as director and Jason and Vinnie's first movies as well. Vinnie in particular is completely awesome and I love the honorable man and doting father angle on a heavy. Made for some great moments and Vinnie practically steals the last half of the movie. I see he's made several other movies with Jason, so it'll be fun to see him again and find out if this was one-time magic or if he really is that fun all the time. Badassery Quotient - 5 I'm defining BQ as Jason's commanding presence, charisma, fight sequences, and use of guns and vehicles. Compared to Arnold's AQ, this is less about Jason being Jason than Jason doing what Jason does best. Jason. So since we have none of the action bits that he's directly involved in, it mostly falls down to charisma and presence which he has an astounding amount of for a debut performance. We'll have to keep an eye on this Jason, he may have a promising career in B movies ahead of him! Rewatchability - Yes please It's such a rare treat to know you've just watched a new favorite movie. Yet another to add to the list and one I'd definitely try to force on other people. I can see the tone and style being offputting to some, but it really worked for me and was a hell of a lot of fun. It's difficult to resist wanting to go right back and watch this again right now.

Fair enough

I'm concerned that I can't tell whether you're joking or not...

Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, please

Yes, a whopping 4% higher than The Last Stand...

The Last Stand $931,894Up a teensy bit, but pretty much as projected. Will be interesting to see if this week's or next week's discount Tuesdays are any kinder to it.

IMDB has the budget at $30m, so WW it should still wind up being profitable at least, certainly once it hits home video. Hopefully that'll give Jee-woon some clout. Heck of a job for that low a budget.

Up a bit for TLS to $7.1m. Still completely horrid, but at least it didn't go the other direction.Edit - Or was that 6.3 for the 3-day?

One of my favorites. Opening gambit is right up there among the best Bond openings. A-

Yeah, indifference doesn't exactly put butts in seats.

That's such a fantastically horrid number for TLS, I have to think he lost a good chunk of his core fans to politics or his infidelity fiasco. I never figured it to open big (Sunday was always going to be brutal), but it was well directed and a perfectly fun movie. To open south of $6m for the 3 day?? I would have figured that to be the floor for the Friday number. Reviews can't do that, only pure apathy keeps that many people away opening night.

Pity no one's showing up for TLS, the few folks I've heard from enjoyed it and it's holding for now at 7.7 on IMDB, but pretty damning evidence Arnold's no longer a draw. Good thing The Tomb and Ten already filmed. Has to put some doubt on his other announced projects getting much budget tossed at them if they happen at all.

"You give us imigrants a bad name" Damned fun movie. I'll need to see it again to look at it with a more critical eye, I just wanted to try to enjoy myself the first go around. If you're watching this movie, you know what to expect, and it should please most folks. Excellent action, plausible storyline, fun one-liners, and a well-paced movie. Arnold is a little stilted, but perfectly fine and very fun to see him back in the swing of things. I can't go shouting "Arnold is back!" from the top of the rafters or anything, but it's a very promising return to form for him and bodes well for the future. The role was well suited to his age, while still giving him lots of opportunities to glare and kick ass. Jamie Alexander was awesome (those eyes!) and Johnny Knoxville didn't distract as I had feared and was perfectly cast for the role. Very smart of them to put him in this, I think he may be a draw for the younger crowd. Certainly were plenty in my showing who were laughing just as loud at his antics as at Arnold's lines. Will definitely have to see some more of Kim Jee-Woon's films. Violent, but not goofily so. Fast paced, but not nausea-inducing. All around good stuff and hope that gets him the state-side attention he deserves. Good stuff! B+

Real IMAX can't be beat. For 3D movies, that's even a cheaper option at our theater than a regular one ($12 vs $13.50+) since it's the same charge regardless.For Lie-Max it depends on the movie. Have had some great experiences and some meh ones, but in general the sound is superior to anything I've heard outside of a high-end Alamo Drafthouse location and that alone is worth it. Particularly like their habit of amping up re-releases and tossing them out on Lie-Max. Loved the IMAX screening of Star Trek (2009) last year, sound was incredible.

Finally managed to finish slogging my way through all of Arnold's movies. Was quite a bit of fun all in all. Biggest surprise: Arnold's actually a decent actor. He's not going to win any other major awards or anything, but there's some legitimately good work out there. I had apparently retroactively judged him based on Batman & Robin, but running back through, the majority of the rest of his work is perfectly fine. That's not to say every movie is a winner, but he does largely seem to make the best of what he was given to work with.Low points:Batman & Robin - Nothing redeeming about that for me. If anything, stacking up against his other movies made it seem even worse this go around.The Villain - What a completely bizarre film. Going in, I thought there was a good chance that I'd really enjoy it. Couldn't have been more wrong.Raw Deal - Zzzzzz.... wha? huh?High points:The 6th Day - What a treat! Very cool movie and glad I finally got to see itPumping Iron - Had never seen all of it and really helped me understand what all the fuss was back in the day.Predator - A whole new appreciation for just how damned good he was in this.Now I just need to add up how many hours worth of his movies I sat through over the past 3 months and what other much more worthwhile things I could have done with that time. :)If you're a glutton for punishment or in need of an insomnia cure, I blogged all my reviews while I was running through the films.

Not sure why I didn't end up seeing this in the theater, I enjoyed the first one well enough, just never got around to it. Been looking forward to this one for quite a while though and hoping that the performances are a little better this time around. Stallone did a damn fine job directing fast-paced action, but he really didn't get good performances out of his cast, particularly himself. Arnold's scene in the first one was initially awesome and then quickly became irritating as soon as he started talking. I know the dude was only on set for 4 hours, but wow. Need to at least try. For the most part, I really enjoyed this. There was the occasional bit of questionable acting and the CGI blood splatter was distracting, but all in all I think they pulled it off very well. I like that they took their time much more than the first one. The action is great, but it's the character moments and banter that I wind up remembering most. Very satisfying in that regard and much less forced than the first time around. I actually quite liked Gale in this and thought he was a great addition to the crew and did an excellent delivery of his background story. His genuine manner made that scene play much better than I expected when he started into it, they just offed him too quickly, and it was a jarringly stupid thing for Jean-Claude to do right then. I'm good with him not surving the movie, but we were just beginning to see the fun potential of contrasting him against the veterans when he's suddenly gone. Too many fun moments to list, but highlights for me were Arnold showing up at the beginning with a great delivery of the "Oh, this is embarrasing" line, Chuck taking out everything including the tank (and the reactions of everyone else), Jet & Jason's respective fight sequences, and of course the end battle with Arnold, Stallone, and Bruce all kicking butt together. Much much less forced having them together in this one than it had been previously. I sincerely hope they can have all 3 of them share equal time the next go around, get past all of the admittedly fun one-liners, and just have them play off of each other as straight up co-stars. We've still never really had that yet, but this was a great step in the right direction. As for Arnold, he seemed to be having fun, but was bordering on phoning it in from an acting standpoint. He had some great one-liners and his comedic timing was excellent, but the lines where he's just talking were really flat and stilted, even for him. I'd imagine much of that is due to his not having been around for much of the production, but his scenes didn't feel out of place compared to the first one. Still showing excellent physical acting chops after all this time was fantastic to see him taking out folks with the automatic cannon. Special nod to Jean-Claude, who really made the most of his opportunity to be back in the limelight. His portrayal of Stereotypical Bad Guy was excellent and he kept his character's motivations tight and simple. Other than stupidly killing off Gale (which could serve no purpose than invite revenge), everything he did was perfectly plausible and he did just enough talking about money to let us know what he was all about. I do like that he got a chance to do his high kicks and roundhouses, and as much as I really enjoyed his fight sequence with Stallone, I felt that was a completely blown opportunity. When he's out of ammo and taunting Stallone with "Man or sheep", I wanted to yell "kill him!" at the screen. It's so obvious we're going to have The Fight like every other damn movie, it would have been so fun for Stallone to just say "Sheep" and shoot him between the eyes. Argh. Alas, such are the conventions of the genre and at least we did get to see a fun fight sequence. Ahnold Quotient - 8 Wasn't showing off the bod (not necessarily a bad things these days), but plenty of hamming it up, one-liners, and shooting the crap out of people. Much much more satisfying in that regard than the first and glad we finally got that action scene we were hoping for out of the trio. Rewatchability - Sure Very entertaining and I'd certainly recommend it to anyone who hasn't seen it. I can see myself popping this one in again before long and might find a place in my extended rotation of movies.