MCKill's Reviews Year 10: (Shamefully) Powered by DALL-E 3

[MCKillswitch123]

Alright, one more year at it. January today, we'll see about the rest lol, but all are coming soon (at least, through June).

 

 

HERE WE FUCKING GO.

Edited December 11, 2023 by MCKillswitch123

[MCKillswitch123]

JANUARY

 

 

 

Puckshot

dir. Charles Stone III

 

Spoiler

From the makers of Hoops, comes the confirmation that there is, in fact, a Hoops Cinematic Universe. If it's not a confirmation, I'm fucking disappointed.

 

Anyways, this is Hoops, but with hockey. If you like Hoops, you'll love this one too, unless you dislike hockey, then you won't... or maybe you'll be conflicted, I dunno. I never liked the Hoops movies much, but honestly, they're just generic, harmless kid-friendly melodrama, so there's really nothing to object much here.

 

2/5

 

 

Tailypo

dir. Alexandre Aja

 

Spoiler

The triumphant return of Lager Pictures, studio behind films like Borrasca, Attack on Titan and, of course, the Odyssey trilogy. Very welcome comeback in a year that’s down on players/studios and films; but is their first film back worth the hype?

 

It surpasses it in spades.

 

Tailypo is, on paper, a simplistic formula. But Piranha 3D and Crawl director Alexandre Aja - utilizing his full creature feature sensitivities learned from both his later affairs, and even some of his earlier outputs, like the maligned The Hills Have Eyes remake - puts on the effort to make every single detail shine. Terrifyingly atmospheric, inhumanely cruel and, yet, cruelly human, this story of a man, who has shielded himself from everyone (apart from his dogs), and comes to meet a deadly creature, is a vicious, gorey ritual that examines how the literal demons that have haunted you - such as, for instance, your poorest choices in life - can wreck your life and take everything you’ve ever wanted. Andy Serkis gives a genuine Oscar contender performance as the lead characters of the story, and if you don’t love his Labrador friends, especially the one who’s given the most in the film, you’re soulless.

 

A simple script is paired with Aja’s horrifying vision (amazing direction and visuals), a game lead performance, haunting themes about the past, loneliness and karma, and a story that surprises more than it hits predictable notes (which it does, a few times, but not enough to harm the film in any substantial way). If you’re a fan of horror, regardless of whether you’re a more traditional fare fan, or you prefer the more folk-oriented modern works (such as the films by Robert Eggers or Trey Edward Shults), you will love Tailypo. What a return.

 

4/5

 

 

Toppings: A Pizza Romance

dir. Sam Levinson

 

Spoiler

Talk about a shitpost film if there ever was one (and this is coming from the maker of Meme Run and The Turkey Squad). Ignoring completely the surreality of Sam Levinson doing a PG-13 movie (it’s CAYOM, get with it), this “film” is basically the actual cinematic equivalent of pineapple on pizza: it just doesn’t work lol. I guess this is someone’s bizarre imagination of a romantic comedy, where there’s practically no character development and the whole movie is just a punchline about eccentric teen characters. It feels totally random, and not in a good way. Falls right in line with a lot of Studio Groundswell’s weirdcore output, with the positive difference that it’s at least harmless in its content (unlike something like a White Wyvern) - although, if you do wanna think about it, the extreme sexualization of Jenna Ortega’s high school teen character seems pretty problematic, even if it’s basically just Sam Levinson’s brand at this point. I’ll say this: the “no, I’m Samantha” joke did made me chuckle.

 

1.5/5

 

 

Operation Finality

dir. Leigh Whannell

 

Spoiler

Right out of the bat, the screenplay-style writing format with a few grammatical issues threw me in for a loop. I am not in my mental best (not necessarily in terms of depressiveness, but rather in regards to my attention deficit issues) and assumed that this was gonna be a hurdle to jump over, but I quickly adapted and got no less informed of the plot than I would’ve if it was typically outlined as per CAYOM norm. Nonetheless, a heads up for those not expecting it.

 

As for the film, this is a positive jump in quality in regards to Good Movie Studios’ previous effort, Second Dimension: Last Hope. It’s a sci-fi action-adventure that follows many sci-fi action-adventure tropes and dunnits, don’t get me wrong. The characters, for the most part, are about what you’d expect them to be and the film really has no memorable thematic weight, apart from the expected motions of fighting through anything and everything to save what you love, even if it takes your life. Nonetheless, it is kinda naive to expect that from an ensemble sci-fi action-adventure and, at its best, this films feels like a refreshing return to those 80’s/90’s adult-skewing Schwarzenegger or Stallone-led actioners, like a Predator or a First Blood, only with the space adventure element added in. And as that kind of movie, this does a pretty good job of entertaining from start to finish, with a game cast that has loads of charisma and chemistry, anchored by a badass lead performance from Michael B. Jordan, whose roughened, focused soldier character, hoping to see his family after years of service, does get the most (vast majority of) development out of the ensemble. The rest are charming as well, including Logan Marshall-Green in the most “cool friend that’s always there with the right things to say” kind of character, though, again, you won’t get anything massively substantial out of the film. That said, if you go into it with the right mindset, it will deliver just fine. On top of that, the visuals are really good and the pace is solid and pleasing.

 

Overall, this is a fine, fun and plenty serviceable action flick. It knows what it is, does that to a tee and leaves you happy coming off the theater, with a cohesive structure, neat visuals and great cast, along with a script that, while not surprising, gets the job done. I do feel there was some untapped potential with elements of the story that kinda diverged a little bit from the usual tropes, but for what it was, I was still satisfied.

 

3/5

 

 

Edited January 5 by MCKillswitch123

[MCKillswitch123]

FEBRUARY

 

 

Viva Las Vengeance: The Cinematic Experience

dir. Bruce Hendricks

 

Spoiler

I like the few Panic! at the Disco songs that I’ve heard, so, at least, this is a better choice of artists - for my tastes personally, not trying to objectify this lol - than others in past CAYOM concert films. That’s really all there is to say here from my end.

 

2.5/5

 

 

The Valkyries vs. the Galaxy

dir. Ian Jones-Quartery and Jennifer Kluska

 

Spoiler

I pre-read this for YM! and I noticed a few changes, but I’m just going to slightly paraphrase (with some edits) what I wrote to him when I read it originally:

 

I feel like this is the closest Endless Animation have gotten to the true Lord/Miller spirit (ignoring the worker abuse allegations temporarily lol) since the original Gateways. This is a movie that lavishly shows off its flashy colors, bright style and quick humor, but lives off a golden heart with some smart, if slightly simplified remarks on the music industry. I like the concept of an animated film about a teen girl band being kidnapped and forced to participate in an intergalactic battle royale of bands, that serves as a metaphor for the music industry preying and feeding off of the talent and work of young aspiring musicians, as well as the passion of their fans, in this case literally serving as the industry's fuelers (slaves, even). It's a smart connection, and RuPaul’s Cosma is literally an instant classic CAYOM villain. Cunning, intelligent, manipulative, and when pushed to the limit, terrifying. They are the soul of a movie that explores the feelings of three teens caught up in the motions of becoming, or trying to become famous with their music, and remembering overtime that they oughta be better friends to each other instead. The voice cast is fun, and the many other tiny gags and links to the music industry are amusing enough for what they are.

 

I guess my biggest issue with the movie comes down to the simplicity of the protagonist characters in an otherwise complex story, though. The three teens are fine for what they are, don't get me wrong, but I feel like they are perfect versions of their tropes for the most part. Halle Bailey’s Celie is the only one that goes through an interesting character arc. Rachel Zegler’s Harmony has the makings of one too, but beyond the repeating gags of her being a stuck-up diva, I think that some of the finer details of her story are not fully earned in terms of how they’re inserted in the narrative. And Maitreya Ramakrishnan’s Sydney, while improved from the original pre-read version, still feels a bit sidelined compared to her two co-protagonists. This is a shame, because I think the supporting cast make for fun characters - beside Cosma, MacFarlane’s King is fun, and I even like the morally odd but true to their honor Platinum (Olivia Rodrigo is a big yes in this role), which makes the flounder of the main characters feel the more strange. I also think that some of the jokes didn't fully land, and that there were elements of the film that could've been a little bit more refined.

 

But yeah, this is a good one. The retouchings helped elevate an already good movie, and what we have here is something that symbolizes Endless Animation’s motto: a fun, colorful, energetic, imaginative story with unique commentary on its subject matter, and a strong ensemble voice cast giving it their all. Very good time.

 

3.5/5

 

 

Room 131

dir. Tate Taylor

 

Spoiler

O$corp Pictures has also returned, after a very long seven-game year hiatus. It is so nice to see them return to action, particularly so in a landmark year like this, and I’m more than happy to see what they have in store. But I gotta say… this film was… something.

 

Full disclosure: the only Poison and Wine film I’ve read was the original, and back then, I thought that it was thematically interesting, but pretty sluggish and overlong, on top of repetitive in structure. Like a semi-improved Fifty Shades and little more. I did not read the follow-ups, which I’ve heard a lot of memeing on, but I know just about enough to understand what this was about; but I will also say that Room 131 stands on its own ground as its own wacky thing, so there’s that. Film-wise, this is a movie whose existence I fully respect, giving all credit to Hiccup here, since I believe it was very personal and an outlet for him to express his emotions and feelings. It’s certainly on-brand for a lot of O$corp Pictures’ most out-there, unorthodox films - when I say that, I really do mean that, after an inconspicuous start, this takes a left turn and goes places lmfao. The batshit craziness and ludicrousness of the film’s second half is quite something to behold, and it literally ends on two of the wildest CAYOM scenes (post-credits included) ever seen! But, to its credit, not just basking in its insanity, this is a film with a proper structure and a very powerful set of themes at its center. While it ain’t particularly subtle with its religious overtones, it does make for a very idiosyncratic character study on its lead character, and it at least becomes far more memorable and strangely entertaining - even if on a purely “wtf is going on” spectacle kind of way - than the first Poison film.

 

I will give it all the merit for being unique and single to its own creator, and I think Tate Taylor did a fine job directing this too. As is, it’s certainly an experience of a film lol. But I’ll give it a higher score than I normally would, simply because I feel like the themes at its center are all too harrowingly depicted to feel indifferent.

 

2.5/5

 

 

A Ghost Tail

dir. Marielle Heller

 

Spoiler

Her first CAYOM film since the hit Ms. Blakk 4 President, under the umbrella of Studio Groundswell. Though, I gotta say that this isn’t really akin to Marielle Heller’s previous films. Heller is known for her incisive, piercing, LGBT+-proactive writing and directing; but this plays more like a very PG, Disney Channel-esque ghost haunting comedy. Which makes the director + material pairing feel extremely off-putting, to say the least.

 

Though, if you want to ignore that and accept things as they are… this is still a merely okay film. I think the themes of cherishing the lives of your pets are heartfelt; the core concept and the execution of it is uniquely subversive and interesting; and Beanie Feldstein is a dope choice of protagonist. At some points, it’s hard not to feel massive empathy for the film’s characters and storytelling, and I’d say it succeeded in feeling different from its usual brethren. With all that said, I think A Ghost Tail (clever title, btw) suffers from similar issues as other Groundswell fantasy comedies, like a Tongue Tied or, especially, a New Tricks: it feels a bit too saccharine, oversincere, hammered down and even kiddish to the point of cringe, as it gets a PG-13 rating but really aims at a PG crowd at best, with a sense of naivety in its storytelling (primarily, its writing - again, Disney Channel Original-esque) that doesn’t really do the director justice. Had this been directed by a Chris Columbus or a Jeremy Garelick, it would have worked much better. I couldn’t help but think that most of the jokes, main plot beats and emotional moments of the film didn’t quite land the way they anticipated they would, and again, I assume that this is partially related to the mere bizarreness of seeing Heller direct a film of this specific kind.

 

That said, it is competent in structuring and outlining; the cast, despite most characters being superfluous, is talented (and again, Feldstein is good in the lead role); and I really did like the themes and the subversion of ghost haunting tropes it has to offer. It’s not a bad film by any means, but I can’t deny being mixed on it.

 

2.5/5

 

Edited December 13, 2023 by MCKillswitch123

[Hiccup23]

The exact review I was expecting for Room 131. 🥰 Thanks!!!  

[MCKillswitch123]

MARCH

 

 

Speed Demon

dir. David Yarovesky

 

Spoiler

Did some research before reading this; there are a myriad of different comic book characters named Speed Demon, but none whose alter-ego is “Jason Michaels”, so… I presume this is an original film? Would make sense, given how it’s from the same director as Brightburn. Anyway, this is a solid, decently entertaining, but pretty unremarkable supervillain film. I feel like it’s a disservice to Yarovesky to compare it to other superhero characters, but this is essentially a “Reverse Flash but Reverse Flash is now a bloodthirsty killer” movie, which kinda shows one of the core issues with these origin story superhero/villain films, especially as Yarovesky’s own formula becomes evident, between Brightburn and this. Cantu is fine in the lead role and I do prefer this R-rated take to just about any of the more tame efforts that Marvel or DC would put out; but it’s definitely a formulaic, tropey film, and it always hurts to see some talented actors be essentially given little to do. Still, it did its job, it’s competently made, written and acted, and it managed to moderately entertain, so, it’s a passable timewaster.

 

 

3/5

 

 

Klonoa: Door to Phantomile

dir. Angus MacLane

 

Spoiler

Studio Groundswell's past video game animated films have varied in results - some better (like the charming Banjo-Kazooie and Kirby films), and others not so much (namely, the Animal Crossing misfire). Klonoa, directed by Lightyear filmmaker Angus MacLane (whose directorial filmography I personally find to be mediocre, apart from the BURN-E short), falls into the lower echelon. But I'm willing to say this could potentially benefit from rewatches, as the third act reveals story elements that really elevate some of the more odd going choices on hindsight, such as the idea to make Klonoa a nothing character throughout the whole thing.

 

Our lead hero is a complete audience surrogate stand-in for the would-be player in an actual video game. This makes the movie feel hollow, and not even his friendship with Huepow - the presumed emotional core of the film - is all that explored, as so much time is devoted to Klonoa doing fetch quests for a bunch of different tribes and not really to him growing as a hero or friend. The overly video gamey structure, coupled with uninteresting characters and an amplitude of fantasy clichés, make for a film that, no matter the absolute onslaught of action sequences and pretty animated visuals, felt like a “I’m watching someone else play a video game” kind of slog for the most part. The third act makes up for some of this, but it's really not until the absolute ending that the whole film starts to retroactively make some sense. So, fuck it, spoilers ahead:
 

 

I found that the concept of Klonoa being an invention from a dream all along was honestly fascinating. He’s portrayed as a perfect do-it-all hero, which actually makes a lot of sense when you’re made to know that he’s a creation from a dream, spawned to rescue an entire kingdom. The ultimate hero that can only be conjured from fantasy. This is a subversion of tropes that sorta makes the film feel more humanized and emotive, grounding its fantasy world and characters in themes of hope that make the film a little bit more positive to rewind to. And while my complaints about the filmic structure of Door to Phantomile and Klonoa as a character are retained even after it ends (and I could also easily introduce conflicting feelings over the fact that the lead character, the hero of the story, is literally a supernatural creation and unreal even in the actual world of the film), I do find that the concept introduced in the final twist makes the film before it more interesting. Maybe I’m overhyping the twist and word won’t really spread out that much on it, but my first take on it was that it was cool.

 

So yeah, this is not a good movie as a whole, but with the caveat of its ending, maybe it’ll hit more when you know what’s up with it.

 

2/5

 

 

Lions and Dragons

dir. Troy Quane and Nick Bruno

 

Spoiler

The first film from newcomer studio Zimmer Pictures puts Spies in Disguise filmmakers Quane and Bruno to test with a fantasy animated tentpole that… can serve as a pass-the-time for young children? I don’t see this film doing much else other than that, with all due respect to CAYOM’s brand new player and their effort to put something out for the first time (it’s never easy at the beginning, I know that myself). The setup has some potential and the world of the film could bear some interesting elements, and there’s nothing inherently incompetent about the way the story is structured; but the whole ordeal feels infinitely underdeveloped and generic to a core, other than the spectacle of talking lions, dragons and mutated critters all in the same continuity. A resounding meh, even if, again, shoutout to this new player of the game for getting out there and doing it.

 

2/5

 

Edited December 16, 2023 by MCKillswitch123

[MCKillswitch123]

APRIL

 

 

Father vs Son

dir. Antoine Fuqua

 

Spoiler

Not a particular fan of Antoine Fuqua as a filmmaker, but it is nice to see Denzel get some CAYOM action, especially alongside his son and a solid supporting cast. As it turns out, this is (somewhat disappointingly) more of a John David Washington vehicle, with Denzel having pretty much a supporting role, despite being top billed (I guess it was written in his contract). But for what it is, this is a serviceable at best Taken or John Wick-style action thriller. It does not surprise or loop in any way, making for a routine, clichéd and predictable film in every conceivable manner; but JDW is a solid physical actor who can carry action sequences decently, while Denzel absolutely steals the film as the criminal kingpin father (by far the movie’s best aspect). It’s a decent time, overall, but absolutely nothing special whatsoever, apart from Denzel, and honestly, pretty been-there and forgettable, so I’m giving it a lesser rating here.

 

2.5/5

 

 

Cruis’n World

dir. Sebastian Schipper

 

Spoiler

I honestly remember very little of Cruis’n USA (the CAYOM film), other than Kristen Stewart bafflingly being in it and it having pretty cars and visuals (Hell, though, even my Gran Turismo films tried harder lol)... but, well, it made a lot of money at the box office, so I guess it was enough for most people. This sequel, for what it offers, is literally just more of the same, from what I can recall. Pretty sceneries, a great ensemble cast playing irrelevant characters in a goofy-ass movie and a third act set in the Moon, for some reason. Weird stuff, but honestly, as far as fillers go, I’ve seen worse. At least it’s nice to look at, if anything.

 

2/5

 

EDIT: Updated rating - 2.5/5

 

 

Penpal

dir. David Robert Mitchell

 

Spoiler

One of the highest-profile releases of this first half of the year, this Amblin-produced, Lager Pictures-released adaptation of a notable coming-of-age horror novel by It Follows and Under the Silver Lake director David Robert Mitchell has been on development Hell for years now, including an infamously unreleased completed version that was then sent back for reworkings after not-so-great initial feedback.

 

I literally had to take a night’s sleep to really process this experience, as I personally found it to be, well… devastating, more than just scary. Penpal explores the core foundation of the meaning of memories and how we allow them (mainly the traumatic ones) to warp our perception of the world, the people who care about us and even the childhood we wish to cherish. The story of Dathan, bending a number of different timelines together, is interwoven together about as seamlessly as possible, as the vast ensemble cast does its job to make the mystery coherent and engaging from start to finish, with Kate Siegal being the immediate key link that ties everything together perfectly (impressive performance from her). The sound design and the cinematography are also absolutely noteworthy - nothing unsurprising from Mitchell, here - making for a film with appropriately nightmarish visuals; and the delivery of its messaging and themes packed a powerful punch, especially after coming through so much relentless trauma (a certain image relative to the payoff of the film will haunt me for a long time). Reminds me a lot of Lager Pictures’ own Borrasca on that note (which makes sense, since both are based on r/NoSleep creepypastas).

 

Though I will say that, in that regard, Penpal definitely delivers on the trauma - a bit too much trauma, in fact. The film’s structure takes a bit of a hit in the middle to late-middle portion as it just sorta begins to redo the same notions of merciless punishment to its main character over and over again, making for an emotionally draining experience that, at certain points, could have been a little truncated as to alleviate a certain feeling of repetition. I was still forgiving enough of this because I was engrossed in the mystery, but I’m not sure it will fly over with everyone just fine.

 

Overall, this is a beefy, tough read. It takes strength to pull through, but it ends up rewarding you with a meditative experience on courage, willpower and the sheer strength to allow yourself to be defined by the memories that you cherish, not those that pain you. A strong ensemble cast, equally strong craftsmanship and a time-bending narrative, along with some horrifying imagery, make for one of the year’s bound-to-be key outings.

 

4/5

 

 

Stallions

dir. Drew Fellman

 

Spoiler

Horses are majestic creatures that I like a lot, which make for a likable subject matter in a nature documentary. That’s all I have here, since every film in this genre pretty much blends together (at least the CAYOM ones).

 

2.5/5

 

Edited February 22 by MCKillswitch123

[MCKillswitch123]

MAY

 

 

Time After Time

dir. Tom Harper

 

Spoiler

Based on the novel of the same name, as well as a remake of the also homonymous 1979 film (I have no attachment to either, so this is a fresh take), this sci-fi adventure is a fun, light and rollicking romp across modern history, tying into H.G. Wells’ life and achievements appropriately, while retaining a sharp critical view of the world since the 20th century, calling out the dehumanization of capitalist society that has been a trend in modern times. The romance rides a slight edge of weirdness at first, but it pays off in a nice-meaning way, so it’s fine; and the cast gives a fun turn here, with Hoult and Smith playing nicely off of each other. I’d say my only real gripe here is probably the McDonald’s/Sprite product placement (lmfao), but even then, I understand what the film is trying to do there, so it could be worse. This is a very fun, thrilling adventure, fitting for the Summer season. Nice stuff.

 

3/5

 

 

The Set-Up

dir. Claire Scanlon

 

Spoiler

Cookie Pictures subsidiary Nicely Packaged Films distributes this rom-com from Strangers in the Town director Claire Scanlon, reuniting the To All the Boys I Loved duo of Condor and Centineo once more (I’ve never seen any of those films, ftr lol). For what this is, a teen coming-of-age rom-com, it’s a sweet, charming and light film, with a heartfelt script and a charismatic central pair with plenty of chemistry. Perhaps The Set-Up’s best asset, beside Condor and Centineo themselves, is indeed Scanlon’s vision to turn the usual genre tropes upside down and try to give an interesting little spin on the formula, which ends up exploring whether or not some connections should go the extra mile, and what really does love mean in high school. It’s not a huge home-run of a film, but it’s a romantic comedy with genuine effort that succeeds at its job, and for that, it earns praise, especially as a Summer flick.

 

3/5

 

 

The Siege of Savage

or, DC's The Siege of Savage

dir. Jeff Fowler

 

Spoiler

With Sonic director Jeff Fowler at the helm, this massive Endless DC Universe crossover event is one of the biggest blockbusters of the Summer, for sure. Quite honestly, the novelty of seeing a huge ensemble of superheroes together has more than worn out a long time ago - but, thankfully, The Siege of Savage breaks through the defects of its formulaic issues and makes for an overall fun superhero movie. Its best element is how it manages to consistently give some of its characters a clear, shining spotlight, with solid character arcs that actually make me more interested in a follow-up to their own stories than their actual previous standalone films did - this is most evident in the case of the Martian characters (I remember not being too high on Martian Manhunter originally, though I believe if I rewatched it, I’d find it okay, I suppose), and the Green Arrow characters (except, ironically enough, Green Arrow himself, who’s kept mostly in the leader role, but nothing too out there). Lyric Ross’ M’gnn and Lana Condor’s Arsenal stand out as evident highlights, getting plenty of the film’s meatier storytelling, and they carry their presence with grace. Some of the other superheroes are relatively underdeveloped, but the film does still give them *something* to do, including some fan-pleasing action sequences that are well directed and genuinely entertaining.

 

As for Benicio Del Toro’s Savage, well, it’s BDT hamming it all the way up to 11 in a really stupid DC premise, so it’s at least a sight to watch. He’s far from the most interesting supervillain, but he’s adequate enough as a foil for the hero ensemble. The film doesn’t really do anything unexpected or out there (it follows the same type of structure and keymarks as any other superhero film), but it succeeds at getting you attached with the characters it best focuses on and makes for a satisfying watch. It ain’t as fresh as The Avengers was, nor does it keep all its characters at the same level of development, but it’s definitely a much better DC crossover than Joss Whedon’s Justice League (not that this is a high mark to beat, but I enjoyed it).

 

3/5

 

 

12 Angry Veggies: A VeggieTales Movie

dir. Phil Vischer and Mike Nawrocki

 

Spoiler

The latest entry in this franchise of animated films targeted at Christian families is as off-beat as ever, ditching the "doing its own thing" approach of Y8's strange misfire Citizen Kale and instead returning to closely following classics, this time being Sidney Lumet’s all-timer 12 Angry Men. To my surprise, this remake is actually not too bad. The structure of the film is identical to that of the original, with only a few writing kicks to keep it from being a total copy-and-paste. Where the movie does differentiates itself is in the presentation of its messaging, as well as the unraveling of the story - in the latter's case, it happens a bit too easily and disappointingly fast; but utilizing religion to spread positivity and try to fight stigma and discrimination is actually a clever way to approach faith-based themes, while respecting the original film. The amount of Christian gospel in it does still irritate me, but I guess that’s because I'm not the target audience for these films. For what it is, it’s edible.

 

2.5/5

 

[MCKillswitch123]

JUNE

 

 

Flesh

dir. Harold Kingsley

 

Spoiler

Flesh continues Fossil Record/The Workshop, Inc.’s tradition of hiring fictional voice actors and directors to make their movies. While it is commendable to try to hire workers who are not particularly established, especially in the world of voice acting and animation, this makes an absolute hassle out of trying to read these films, as attempting to let the film play out in your head can be sort of pointless with people who don’t even exist and have no known usable traits (mainly in the actors’ case). I’d encourage El Squibbonator to please stop doing this.

 

As for the film, it definitely benefits from some badass worldbuilding, where modern day mass hunting and industrial farming/slaughtering has been adapted by time travelers opting for dinosaur meat (even if the logic supporting its world is questionable, but, eh, I just went with it). But the story, even though not bad per se, is rather slight, amounting basically to a cat-and-mouse chase between our lead characters and the antagonists. There are still some semblance of character arcs, making it a passable story, but it’s not much, leaving the film’s worldbuilding, atmosphere and graphic kills to really do the heavy lifting. As such, it’s a decent watch, but nothing to really write home about. (And, though this is not Fossil Record’s fault as they had already scheduled the film for early June, the rescheduling of Lager’s Berserk for one week after the release of this is definitely gonna hurt its box office prospects.

 

2.5/5

 

 

Berserk: The Golden Age

dir. Zack Snyder

 

Spoiler

Lager PIctures’ landmark film of the year, a harrowing vision from the mind of our favorite visionary (jokes aside, Snyder is at the very least an interesting director, and only him could really come up with a film like this), brings forth an adaptation of a Kentaro Miura manga/anime and promises to be one of the biggest scale blockbusters of the year.

 

Berserk: The Golden Age, an animated film about a young mercenary who is recruited by a charismatic fighter to join his band in the midst of a century-long war of nations, dives into some brutally visceral themes, exploring notions such as friendship, comradery, survival, child abuse and the meaning of having, or not having, a purpose in a post-traumatic world. Guts, the lead character (voiced by Dacre Montgomery), is a sympathetic protagonist, driven by the stubborn wish to live for the sake of living, in an unforgiving world where he was deemed undesirable. As he struggles with the devastation of his upbringing, and living through fine on the notion that he just wants to survive, his world changes when he meets this band of ragtags led by a fascinating, charming character driven by a heavy ambition, which starts making him question whether or not he should seek a greater purpose. It’s the characters’ interactions and the dilemmas they carry internally that makes Berserk an instantly memorable film, telling a story with thought-provoking concepts while retaining the relative structural simplicity of a blockbuster. The ensemble voice cast is uniformly strong - though, beside Montgomery’s lead performance, Sophia Wilde stands out as an immediate highlight, as her character Casca gets one of the most thorough arcs of the film; while Dave Bautista nearly steals the show in his supporting villain role - but really, everyone is great. The dark 2D/3D Spider-Verse-style animation fits greatly with the tone of this manga adaptation, which does not shy away from unflinching visuals (seriously, people are graphically split and gutted by swords and weapons-alike in this film from beginning to end lol) and even more unflinching thematic content (not recommended/potentially triggering for people sensitive to sexual abuse-related content, i.e.).

 

If there are some complaints to be had about Berserk, I guess I’d start off with the structure of the film overall. Personally, I wasn’t overly bothered by this, but I will say that, after a certain point, the film starts cutting back often between flashbacks and the present day storyline, which, a bit into it, really did start feeling as if the pace of the film was taking a hit. The storylines all do pay off meaningfully, but you gotta wonder if some people will be more prone to be irked by the film’s pacing. Speaking of storylines, while as a whole the film concludes its primary arcs satisfyingly, some of the looser threads left by the film’s final moments (won’t spoil directly, but the film definitely leaves some elements to be explored for a potential sequel) nagged me a little, and dare I even say felt somewhat anticlimactic, especially one such element involving three characters that felt a bit of a disservice to the overall point of one of its characters in particular. And as for what might be an elephant in the room for some people, the three hour-length? Personally, I think the film was (mostly) solidly structured and streamlined, which made the film breezy enough for its massive duration (ergo, its near-60k word count, 150+ pages, practically a novel-sized read lol), but again, your mileage may vary. Otherwise, again, it’s not a film I’d recommend for people who are sensitive to its incredibly mature content, which in of itself raises questions for its commercial viability as a big budget film.

 

But as a whole, I walked out fairly satisfied with Berserk. It’s surely trying to build a franchise and suffers from some slightly pasty structuring, but with its layered characters, powerful themes, magnetic visuals (seriously, *gorgeous* film to look at), insanely well made action sequences, uniformly terrific voice cast and mostly satisfying pacing (on top of a really neat soundtrack), The Golden Age is the kind of blockbuster that definitely takes risks, but the gamble was worth it in the end. Bound to be one of the most talked-about films of the year.

 

Honestly, I struggled with the rating here. In the perfect world, it’d be a 3.75/5, but since this is not the thing in Letterboxd ratings (I only do LBXD ratings, shut up) and because 3.75/5 rounds to a higher number, the rating will be a 4/5

 

Edited December 21, 2023 by MCKillswitch123

[El Squibbonator]

Nothing against your assessment of my movie, but aren’t CAYOM reviews supposed to be done from an in-universe perspective? If that’s the case, referring to the actors as “fictional” kind of goes against the idea of it.

Edited January 26 by El Squibbonator

[Rorschach]

4 hours ago, El Squibbonator said:

Nothing against your assessment of my movie, but aren’t CAYOM reviews supposed to be done from an in-universe perspective? If that’s the case, referring to the actors as “fictional” kind of goes against the idea of it.

There’s no hard-set rule for this. Most players review films in whatever format they want. If you want to review films solely from the perspective of an audience member in the in-universe game, then that’s entirely your choice. 

Edited January 27 by Rorschach

[MCKillswitch123]

Bumping my Cruis'n World rating to a 2.5/5.

[MCKillswitch123]

Part 2 is over, so it's time to resume reviews right from where we left off:

 

JULY

 

 

Ping

dir. Cal Brunker

 

Spoiler

Starting off the second half of the year, O$corp Pictures has come up with this family animated film from the director of the PAW Patrol films (and The Nut Job 2 lol). It certainly lives up to being a film precisely for that audience, because Ping is pretty much for young kids at heart, qualifying it as a film with little more to it other than a decent contender at the box office. That said, it’s not unbearable as a film for all audiences - just rather slight, all things considered. I like the representation of Chinese fauna and flora, for sure, but that’s about the other most praise-worthy thing about this otherwise normal CG family animation about a duck who gets lost and needs to reunite with its family. Nothing offensive or terrible by any means, just very derivative and generic. Will surely make $300 million at the Chinese box office, though.

 

2/5

 

 

51

dir. Jonathan Liebesman

 

Spoiler

From the filmmaker of 2014’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot, comes this found-footage docudrama about the infamous Waco siege of 1993. O$corp Pictures' and Liebesman’s focus seems to be on the innocent collateral victims it generated and how their faith was betrayed, though, ironically, just like the story it tries to tell, it’s as if the movie itself has no real reason to exist other than shock value. While you get the point - the innocence of the victimized children was destroyed by the people gatekeeping the faith they were supposed to believe in - the movie evidently relishes in showing every graphic detail of the abuses and violence before and during the siege, without really taking any time to explore character. It makes for a very threadbare portrayal of the siege, staged almost like a gratuitous action film, where the focus is on the kids’ veiled attempts to survive in a disaster that goes without any explanation for them, after they were already being abused by the Branch Davidians that held them up, who then promised them that God was there to deliver them at the end of times. It’s an experience that raises some interesting questions about innocence, senseless violence and the ties between abuse and religion, but in the end, it seems like a very misguided, almost exploitative portrayal of an event that had so many horrible ramifications in North America, including an increase in volatility from conservative demographic segments. Can’t say I liked it.

 

1/5

 

 

Second Dimension: Battle for North Kingdom

dir. Chloé Zhao

 

Spoiler

One year after the premiere of Good Movie Studios' and Chloé Zhao’s first Second Dimension film, they have returned for the big sequel. Y9’s Last Hope, while showing plenty of potential, was a film that simply couldn’t overcome its base issues: its erroneous formatting, making it confusing and messy to go through; its excessive male gazing, especially for a film directed by a woman; and its narrative structuring, as it was very much a Part 1 film that led to an unfinished story. It seems that, in some ways, the studio and Zhao have learned from their mistakes, as Battle for North Kingdom is a vast improvement over the previous film, without a doubt.

 

And the first notable improvement is, again, the formatting: it is written in precisely the same way as Operation Finality was, with its screenplay style, but again, it’s fine, as it gets the information across well enough. As for its characterizations, it makes up for the errors of the first movie for the most part. Amongst the good things of Last Hope - which did have a few - that are retained here, are the action setpieces and the few characters which were already enjoyable enough, such as Himesh Patel’s Keif and Jason Clarke’s Condor. Meanwhile, some other characters are improved. Erin Kellyman’s Madeline gets a massive glow up from her sexualized sidekick role, being effectively one of the center characters of this sequel, even if the role she plays here is more so personal rather than heavily influencing of the greater picture (which is a good thing, in a way, but it also leans into some pacing problems that are general to the film as a whole). In fact, I’d say everyone else gets at least something to do of note. Maitreyi Ramakrishnan’s Azlea is also a highlight here, being effectively the movie’s comic relief, and her relation with Kerry Washington’s Chanelle adds a lot of personality.

 

Battle for North Kingdom takes cues from the Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones school of epic fantasy multi-plotline storytelling, jumping across a number of different stories and characters, leading the way for its big conclusion. Some of the cutting back and forth between narratives gets tiresome after a while, especially since you learn early on that the movie is still very much a really episodic middle chapter and is letting things open for the inevitable third and final entry in the series - meaning that these stop points are sort of padding the franchise runtime until we get to the big finale. Because of this, the stakes in this film don’t feel as high as they should. However, the film smartly does make good use of its middle chapter roots and takes its sweet time to develop characters, spend time with them, introduce new and fun presences on-screen (such as Lana Condor’s Poppy), and establish that this colorful ensemble is collectively driven by their fears and insecurities, mostly of failing other people, or themselves. But beside that, I do think that the story of the Second Dimension saga is rather derivative as a whole, and other than the big dimension-jumping worldbuilding stuff, as well as a few subversive tricks along the way (such as the wonderful choice to cast a hugely diverse array of actors; as well as some of the interpretations of classic fantasy tropes - like the orcs, who are not at all the angry war-ready brutes of many other tales), we’ve all seen this type of stuff before. Plus, as this is indeed a Part 2 of 3, it leaves everything on a very “to be continued” note, with certain plot threads waiting to be closed off.

 

That said, I enjoyed my time with this movie. It’s fun, zany, has a solid ensemble of characters which it gives enough to do, looks gorgeous (Zhao is such a strong visual director, and some of the imagery here is superb) and it's sprawling, although its narrative structure and its derivativity may test your patience a little bit.

 

3/5

 

 

The Furby Movie

dir. Chris Wedge

 

Spoiler

Fossil Record/The Workshop have addressed the many criticisms thrown at them for casting unknown actors and actresses for voice roles (off-character: this is an issue mainly because voice roles are so specific and things you can’t just fabricate in your head, especially since there are many professional voice actors out there anyway) and went ahead for a considerably more high profile effort with this adaptation of a very famous Hasbro toy, starring actually recognizable people and directed by an also well-known director. But while I’m positive that Chris Wedge’s The Furby Movie will make heaps of money at the box office (assuming kids won't be terrified by the Furbies lol), that’s really gonna be its highest achievement. This is a fairly cliched, generic animated fantasy-adventure-comedy that hits all the usual beats and tropes of its genre while talking about kindness and standing up to all the rudeness in the world. I can’t say it is, by any means, a poorly made film - it’s borderline competent in just about every front, other than maybe a slightly rushed climactic stretch - but it’s by-the-numbers to the point where I was outright bored with it. Your children will very much enjoy it, and I’d say it’s at least superior to something like a Lions and Dragons or a Ping from earlier this year, but that’s as much praise as I think it deserves.

 

2/5

 

 

Lifeguards

dir. Peter Billingsley

 

Spoiler

O$corp Pictures' and Peter Billingsley’s R-rated Summer rom-com is probably a solid watch if you have a romantic interest that you wanna bring to the movies with, and serves right as very much that, though it has little merit in any other way as a film. It’s a by-the-numbers, tropey story of a love square of lifeguards, two of which cheat on their partners and the others who revenge-prank them, and then the two pairs fall in love. For what it is, it gets the job done and you get to see sweaty people in lifeguard outfits, I guess; but even for rom-com standards, you can do much, much better, though there is sadly little offer in this regard that is actually getting a theatrical release, nowadays. As far as this goes, it’s as thin as it gets, the characters are dicks and the script is kinda dumb and unfunny. But I’d still take a girl to see it, for a lack of better date movie options; though even then, I’d hope her standards were higher.

 

2/5

 

 

Green Lantern Corps: Evolution

dir. Christopher McQuarrie

 

Spoiler

Endless Entertainment’s superhero sci-fi epic franchise, based on the DC Comics ensemble of characters, has always been driven by the ambition to create a series that rivals your Sparks or Scavenger Wars of the world, while diving into the idea of emotions as physical embodiments of power. Y5’s Rise of the Manhunters, while certainly carried by strong performances and visuals, was brought down by messy structuring. Y7’s Home was much more streamlined and accomplished in examining themes of colonialism and systemic racism, though the casting of Joaquin Phoenix as a darker-skinned character still remains one of the weak spots of the franchise thus far (despite him doing a great job with the character).

 

So where does Evolution stand, amidst the others in the saga? It’s probably the best in the trilogy, though still not without its share of problems. The Corps series is always at its best when diving headfirst into both its characters, and its sprawling concepts of emotions as fuel for power, and that’s also where this film excels. It expands massively on the idea of willpower/courage vs. fear, with the conflict between the Green Lanterns and the Guardians of the Universe vs. Thaal Sinestro’s Yellow Lanterns and Parallax being a very literal and figurative war of attrition between two polar opposite sentiments. At the core of the series are its most emblematic characters. Hal Jordan (played by Sam Heughan, replacing that other sexual predator) and Sinestro (Phoenix) remain as the soul of the saga, with Hal stuck on the fact that his friendship with Sinestro is now ravished by the latter’s ambitions to create a Lantern Corps out of the yellow energy of fear, but himself also afraid of what a war might entail, both for Sinestro and for the universe at large; coupled with his outspoken disapproval of the Guardians’ policing system (hinting also at themes of reformism - still very much drawing parallels with US society). The insecurities and aspirations of these characters attract the big bad of Parallax (voiced by a stupendous Tony Todd), the embodiment of fear, who is intent on latching himself to someone who carries great fear and vengeance with them. Other supporting characters, like Patrick Stewart’s Ganthet and Kelly Marie Tran’s Ni’in, get their moments to shine - and then, there is also Sterling K. Brown’s John Stewart. John emerges as a loyal, dedicated Lantern whose courage and will to continue are stronger than his personality; and while he is definitely not as interesting a character as Hal or Sinestro, I do find his stubborn drive to pull through, for everyone - including his earthbound family - to be welcome in a superhero film.

 

Really, the ensemble cast does a very good job in general, while the film is visually and technically spectacular as well, and it continues to retain the same type of awe-inspiring personality and massive concepts that make Green Lantern Corps stand out as a franchise. Though, as I said, it’s not without flaws. The screenplay is probably Evolution’s biggest issue - it’s expository to a massive degree, with characters often falling into explanation or monologuing about the plot, indicating that McQuarrie and the filmmakers don’t fully trust the audience. I guess I also felt that the film, so huge and massive in scale, never always felt as intimate or close to its characters as it should be - as aforementioned, it’s always concerned with plot first, which gets a little tiring after a while. There was plenty of downtime with the ensemble, to be clear, but I guess the combination of shaky screenplay and story density made for downtime moments that don’t really land the way they’re supposed to.

 

Honestly, I feel like those are the biggest things I can pick at here, though I would still say that, as a whole, I very much enjoyed this. It can at times be overwhelmingly massive in scale and be too winded in exposition, but with a likable and entertaining ensemble of actors and characters, and appropriately big concepts, themes and visual/technical execution, it’s a blockbuster that genuinely tries and succeeds fine enough at being both brawny and brainy. Thumbs up.

 

3.5/5

 

 

Wii Sports Resort: Vacation on Wuhu Island

dir. B.J. Novak

 

Spoiler

Lmao, the return of Studio Groundswell’s iconic Wii franchise to theaters. I went in hoping that this would be less of the only semi-intentional cornball of the first Wii Sports or the last one, Wii Fit - yes, the movie that bafflingly managed to get Tilda Swinton nominated for Best Supporting Actress because yolo - and more in the lines of the batshit wonkiness of Wii Play. (My knowledge of this franchise is a bit odd, I’ll admit.) In the end, fitting for the final film in the series to be the most bizarre one of them all. It starts off harmless enough with a simple setup, but as it turns out, it’s one of those video game adaptations that’s trying to adapt the gameplay, wanting to cram in every single different activity you can play in the actual Wii Sports Resort game - including basketball duels being followed by laser sword fights, and frisbee throws where for some reason the dad throws the little girl’s wallet and gets a million points - within the confines of a seemingly routine family comedy film. It is as silly as it sounds, but sadly, despite having an amazingly stupid plot, it plays way too straight and awkwardly to really land, making it more “so bad it's good” than anything. I dunno lol.

 

1.5/5

 

Edited March 4 by MCKillswitch123

[MCKillswitch123]

AUGUST

 

 

Tornado

dir. Ric Roman Waugh

 

Spoiler

Angel Has Fallen and Greenland director Ric Roman Waugh teams up with O$corp Pictures for a big late-Summer disaster spectacle. Aaaand it is about what you’d expect at this point lol. It looks amazing, with its massive CGI effects towering on-screen, but it has a story about as deep as a shallow river, with not even any movie stars to really fall back on for charisma purposes, on top of being super derivative of something like Twister. For what it is, it’s a bunch of cheap thrills that does, in fact, look really good, and should be a blast to power through on the biggest screen possible; but other than that, you’ll forget about it very quickly. At least it skips the stereotypes and overly patriotic tones of your 2012’s of the world, I guess?

 

2.5/5

 

 

Six Souls

dir. Bryce McGuire

 

Spoiler

This R-rated horror from O$corp and the director of Night Swim is suitably trashy for late Summer, with its gruesome kills and religious themes making for a film that I could easily see lots of stoned college kids flocking to, if there is any demographic interested in it lol. It has not much in the way of intelligence or charm - it’s just a dumb slasher made for commercial viability, and is really best enjoyed as a theatrical experience for mindless thrills. For this viewer, it’s at least campy enough (at least near the end, where the kids realize what is causing so much havoc) to be enjoyable, but there’s little else to find here.

 

2/5

 

 

Coyotes Wild

dir. Mark Linfield

 

Spoiler

I was kinda hoping that this would have a reference or two to Wile E. Coyote, the greatest coyote of them all. Anyways, it’s a serviceable nature documentary, as all others are. Nothing to report here.

 

2.5/5

 

Edited March 5 by MCKillswitch123

[MCKillswitch123]

SEPTEMBER

 

 

Providence

dir. James Wan

 

Spoiler

James Wan makes his long-awaited return to the CAYOM big screen with this adaptation of a 2020 sci-fi novel for Studio Groundswell. The prospect of a big novel adaptation blockbuster is usually exciting, as that’s normally a source of good fictional work and Groundswell themselves have been fine selectors of material to adapt (namely, that two-punch of Everything I Never Told You and The World That We Knew a few years ago).

 

But strangely, I feel somewhat… mixed on this one? Don’t get me wrong: this is a fine film, overall. Wan makes good use of the $100m budget and creates a visually stunning experience with the right amount of thrills, and a story that touches on the tensions of mediatism in war and technology vs. manual experience, with Paul Mescal’s central character going through a neat little arc of believing himself to be a perfect engineer, only to realize that he wasn’t doing as much as he suspected. It’s a finely directed, enthralling time at the movies, for sure. But I can’t help but feel like a lot of potential was sidelined here in favor of a pulpier experience. Providence comes across as a film that somewhat aspires to be meditative, with its understated performances (make exception for Charles Melton’s hammy Anders) and calculated direction; but it’s still written like a basic sci-fi thriller with underdeveloped morality spectrums, uninspiring characters (Mescal’s Gilly certainly has some potential, and I really like the arc he goes through, but his portrayal is kinda awkward; and everyone else is just the perfect version of the archetypes they’re supposed to be) and a pretty bare-bones story that winds up abandoning the vast majority of its initial sense of themes for an action-oriented final stretch. And while it’s still an entertaining, well-made film, I just kinda wish that it did more with its potential than what it concluded as. Still, it’s worth the watch, but it isn’t a big home-run.

 

3/5

 

 

Smile

dir. Kirsten Lester

 

Spoiler

In the aftermath of Zimmer Pictures’ previous animated film, Lions and Dragons, being a dud, the hope was on Smile to redeem the studio’s launch year. As such, this memoir adaptation comes out… and, strangely, it’s pretty much the anti-Lions and Dragons in regards to its issues. While the former is acceptably structured but painfully generic and derivative in every other way, this film has pretty much no real semblance of traditional construction and only the lightest amount of conflict, instead focusing on a series of loosely structured vignettes that flash through many middle-to-high school years of the lead character’s life in the aftermath of an injury-causing accident. While there is praise to be given to an animated film that places the spotlight on a “naturalistic” story about a pre-teen with realistic coming-of-age problems, some of which I related to myself, I just found the film hard to really connect with. The characters are completely interchangeable and paper-thin, apart from the lead; it doesn’t really have momentum or vibes to ride off of; and most of its vignettes contain only the loosest kind of character arcs, without much of anything going underneath the surface that would bring this whole thing together as a cohesive film. Maybe it’ll be for others, but I found it too conflictless and boneless to really enjoy.

 

2/5

 

 

9/11: Never Forget

dir. Keith Maitland

 

Spoiler

The newest Studio Groundswell documentary wants to present itself as a museum piece and beacon of hope and patriotism for anyone who was there, and anyone who has come since the fatal events of September 11, 2001. It both shows first-hand accounts of survivors, which, while similar to what has been shown many times before in films, documentaries or news reports, is still a touching enough way to tell the stories of that horrible day; and it also does try something new as well: the usage of rotoscoping animation sort of makes for an interesting visual experiment, managing to feel something akin to going through a nightmarish flipbook of collective trauma. And while its choice to forego political commentary might be risky, it ultimately takes a position in of itself that this is a supportive and universally comforting film for anyone, regardless of political stance, that's still dealing with the impact of 9/11 even more than two decades later, which is a very positive way to go about things. I guess it doesn’t really offer anything substantially new in terms of breaking information on the attacks, but this isn’t trying to be an investigative doc - more so a memorial to its victims, and as such, it succeeds. Good movie.

 

3/5

 

 

Fishergirls

dir. Chris Wayan

 

Spoiler

Ignoring the already foretold issue of the utilization of fictional voice actors, as well as the fact that the author only reveals the film’s animation style at the very end of the writeup (I’m going to ignore this as I caught this detail before engaging with the actual film, but the warning goes out all the same), this Fossil Record R-rated animation tells a very topical story in its otherworldly fantasy setting, in what is probably the studio’s best effort to date by a healthy margin (coming from a fan of some of their prior works, like Funny Business and Raven Island - but this is probably their first film that truly transpires the quality of their prior works). Fishergirls isn’t particularly subtle with its themes, though that’s not a big issue in of itself; its biggest defect is perhaps how suddenly and anticlimactically it ends, even if it does leave an appropriately bittersweet aftertaste. But in spite of its problems, this is a film that wears its feminist, pro-progression, anti-traditionalism themes loud and proud, and meshes them with the melancholy and tragedy of a gorgeous, unique artstyle to create an atmospheric and thorough experience. Alongside a likable main set of characters and a gripping story, this is both a smart and artistically sound film that’s only brought down by its meh structuring. Still worthy of solid praise nonetheless, but should there ever be more, hopefully it’ll fix the few issues of the first.

 

3.5/5

 

 

Sweet Tooth

dir. Adam Robitel

 

Spoiler

Just around the beginning of Halloween season, Endless/Infinite Studios releases this slasher horror from Escape Room director Adam Robitel, starring Dave Bautista as a manic dentist. By all accounts, Sweet Tooth follows every slasher cliche in the book, dumps characterizations altogether (apart from that of the Dentist) and is by no means an innovative piece of horror. That said, credit where credit is due: the production design of the Dentist’s maze is neat, the kills are creative enough and the ending is pretty funny. So, for a slasher, it gets the job done. Nothing else needs to be added.

 

2/5

 

[Hiccup23]

October is next 

[MCKillswitch123]

OCTOBER

 

 

Pac-Man

dir. Gil Kenan

 

Spoiler

Studio Groundswell doing a live-action Pac-Man movie sounds surely like something that would be, at the very least, strangely interesting, right? Well, eh. While it is fun to look at, it is too shallow as a film to stand out in pretty much any way. Sort of like what happened with Animal Crossing, Klonoa and Wii Sports Resort (among others), this is basically a very literal adaptation of the Pac-Man games… and with that, I sorta mean it in the "a bit *overly* literal sense". It feels like a bizarre offset of something like the 2020 Sonic the Hedgehog, or Pokémon: Detective Pikachu: just like those, it’s trying similar kind of storytelling - a fan-pleasing human-meets-otherworldly-video-game-character fantasy adventure comedy, but Sonic and Pikachu, despite their evident flaws, are proper films with characters and story; whereas Pac-Man… has characters, per say, but apart from Davidson's very minuscule and honestly muddled personal journey, there's pretty much the barest minimum of storytelling here, as the film is very much devoted to replicating the visuals and mechanics of the games in live-action instead.

 

The lack of anything to hold onto, besides the nostalgia of looking at the popular arcade titles remade, makes it boring pretty quickly. Sure, Davidson’s character is mildly relatable, while the visual concept is quite fun and wacky, but both are insufficient to make the film as a whole stand out from the pack. There’s also some problematic secondary elements - gotta appreciate how the ultimate conclusion of the film literally takes the most interesting aspect of the iconic Ms. Pac-Man game and turns it into the exact opposite, in a way that completely flips the key element that made the game so memorable in the first place. Or the criminal act of hiring an Oscar nominee for a couple throwaway lines and still billing her as part of the main cast. So yeah, I see what they were going for here, but this was not really for me.

 

2/5

 

 

Paranormal lamronaraP

dir. Daniel Stemm

 

Spoiler

Getting the director of a bunch of religious horror films, including last year’s infamous Prey for the Devil, is not really an immediately good indicator of what experience you’re getting, but this O$corp Pictures entry for spooky season, even though just about a really cliched supernatural haunting story, is at least well made and fun from an audiovisual spectacle perspective. With its concept to kinda make a horror-comedy out of the house exorcism process, it sorta mixes Paranormal Activity and active campiness within the structure of a modern exorcism film, and while the story isn’t worth caring for per se, it’s at least a very entertaining watch to chug down popcorn and soda on a movie theater (or at home) during Halloween. And bonus points for not really hammering faith-based messaging down my throat, which is very refreshing in these movies lol. So credit to everyone involved for at least making this fun, if anything. It’s still not good overall (as I said, it’s tropey, been-there-done-that and kinda dumb), but as a horror film, it’s, at least, well directed and entertainingly campy. Not a waste of time!

 

2.5/5

 

 

The Boy with the Green Eyes

dir. Zach Creggers

 

Spoiler

The Poison and Wine Cinematic Universe continues with yet another erotic, brutal and wild entry, as Barbarian filmmaker Zach Creggers teams with O$corp for this fittingly twisty musical dramedy, starring Elliot Fletcher as a rival of the series’ infamous Tyler and Hunter couple, who meets a mysterious, handsome fellow that guards a set of secrets. Unsurprisingly at this point, The Boy with the Green Eyes is wacky and crazy, but thankfully, this film manages to keep a far more cohesive line of thought altogether and tells a pretty solid story, with the habitual themes of romance, abuse and trauma... while packaged as a zany musical with fantasy elements attached as well lol. Yeah, don’t try to decipher what the Poison series will do at this point - but what I will say is that, in spite of the amount of different things it throws in the blender, this film comes together surprisingly well, much more so than Room 131 from earlier this year. The musical pieces are mostly good, fun and energetic, while the cast all does a solid job, with Fletcher and James Patrick Daly having good chemistry as the lead characters in a story that forces them to confront how far they’d go to become greater, or to simply survive. Of course, this wouldn’t be a film in its series without the dial being turned up to a full hundred at some point, but I will say that it’s not as jarring in this one as it has been in others. The combination of story, characters, music and worldbuilding makes for a very unique film - like all others in the franchise - and one that, though pretty harrowing and difficult to watch at points (there is one particular sequence that is absolutely unflinching), is honestly quite interesting in its own right. It’s not a fantastic film, but it’s probably my favorite, out of the ones I’ve seen, of the series. (Not that it’s an enormous accomplishment, to be fair, but I dug this one.)

 

3/5

 

 

Monster Farm

dir. Henry Midas

 

Spoiler

I guess The Turkey Squad wasn’t gonna be the last big sci-fi turkey-centric story of the game lol.

 

The final Fossil Record/The Workshop release of this year, which does at least mix an unknown cast with that of seasoned voice actors, Monster Farm adapts an eponymous cartoon into a very much children’s-oriented animated comedy feature as well. There are gonna be a lot of obvious parallels between the likes of Hotel Transylvania, the animated Addams Family and this, as this also leans pretty young with its dumb, childish humor and slapstick shenanigans. I will say this: at least, it offers a story that tries to actually do something different occasionally, by diverging into capitalistic exploitation and the darker elements of the town its action occurs in. It is charming and it has a nice message about accepting the unusual that I’m sure kids will appreciate. That said, I zoned out when it devolved into a big action third act with giant robot turkeys and farts. You may like it more than I do, and I’m positive it will make money at the box office (at least during October), but I’m not walking away amazed.

 

2.5/5

 

 

Mouse Hunt

dir. John-Paul Davidson

 

Spoiler

From Endless/Infinite and the same director as The War Between Ants from a few years ago, comes a new documentary centered around the harrowing in-and-outs of the giants in the animation industry - namely, Disney and the tumultuous times the company lived during the 2000’s. Mouse Hunt approaches this story with empathy and melancholy, showcasing the history of Disney’s multiple failed projects, shut down studios and ideas that were never to see the light of day, and reinforcing its hopes that the big powers to be do not give up on original animation, even if recent Disney failures (such as Wish from this past November) would demotivate them to do so. It's an informative, thoroughly enjoyable documentary with an acceptable amount of righteousness, optimism and disappointment in what never was. However, I do have to admit that, while the storytelling here is efficient, I guess it's the kind of documentary that is informative, but never a transcendental experience in any way; similar to my Sony vs. Nintendo doc from this year, really lol. Also, worth lamenting as well the many typos in writing which at times made this hard to follow. Otherwise, this is a very solid, entertaining and informative doc.

 

3/5

 

 

Red Flag

dir. Jason Hehir

 

Spoiler

Horizon Entertainment has returned to the game to put out a duo of documentaries that I frankly wish were much more fleshed out than they are. In the case of Jason Hehir’s Red Flag, the story, which dives into the fall of NASCAR in modern years, does have potential to be something interesting. But because it’s pretty unremarkably structured (off-character: just one line with no real story), there’s little to find here, other than the implication that, well, NASCAR has seen a downfall, which, even though I have a vague idea as to why, would have no further explanation and feel like total gibberish for anyone who’s never had any interest in sports altogether. Kinda wish the filmmakers actually did something here, but I guess that, at least, its existence is better than nothing.

 

1.5/5

 

[Hiccup23]

Very happy with your review of Boy with the Green Eyes! 

[MCKillswitch123]

TODAY...

 

MCKILL'S TOP 25

[MCKillswitch123]

 

But before we get on with the Top 25, we need to give a special shout out to, well, the *less* good of the year.

 

TOP 5 WORST FILMS OF Y10

 

#5

Spoiler

 

Wii Sports Resort: Vacation on Wuhu Island

 

A simple premise goes about as well as a Summer vacation devastated by a tropical storm. Has that trademark awkwardness and silly straightness that other weird Studio Groundswell films have, and just did not work whatsoever lol.

 

#4

Spoiler

 

Toppings: A Pizza Romance

 

Yeah, just C&P what I said about Wii Sports Resort into here lol. At times, it does kinda feel like a parody of the rom-com genre, but that's the issue: I'm not really sure whether or not it wanted to be a parody or not. Just about the most bizarre film of the year.

 

#3

Spoiler

 

The Unseen

 

Kind of a promising concept, and has just about enough sympathy and anger against capitalism and corruption to solicit minimal emotional attachment, but it's way too on-the-nose with its Christian preachiness and then it's straight up unfinished. That ending is taken right out of a Devil Inside sequel.

#2

Spoiler

 

Red Flag

 

Feel bad for putting this down here, since I guess its existence is better than not, but this really was just a one-liner that does not develop anything on its story.

 

#1

Spoiler

 

51

 

Yeah, this was not a very good idea. I will still give it credit for inspiring discourse on abuse in religion and senseless violence, but as a film, it's constructed in an exploitative, gratuitous way that was not the right path to take whatsoever.

 

[MCKillswitch123]

And now, for the mentions that are actually honorable... to a degree, at least.

 

Consider this #30-26.

 

HONORABLE MENTIONS

 

Spoiler

 

Father vs. Son

 

I admit I was sort of harsh with it in my original review, and I maintain that it is a pretty cliched revenge-action-thriller driven primarily by the performances of Denzel (mostly Denzel) and John David. But at least, it has a fun little premise and it does boast some good action sequences, on top of its lead performances. It's not rocket-science, but it does just about enough to not be a waste of time.

 

Spoiler

 

Cloud Cuckoo Land

 

This might be a surprise to some people, but I personally do not feel very confident on the prospects of this movie lol. I hope to be surprised, but I feel like the structure here is very flawed. But we'll see.

 

Spoiler

 

Room 131

 

Tbh this is one of the movies I'm most split on this year, and part of me is kinda sad that I can't really bring myself to put it on the list, on the basis that, yeah, it goes waaaay too over-the-top with its latter half/final third nonsense. However, it still tells a fascinating story about homophobic abuse and childhood trauma, and I can't help but respect it as an outlet for Hiccup to release his pain to the world. It doesn't fully work, but at the very least, it's a unique experience.

 

Spoiler

 

Speed Demon

 

I will grant its critics that, sure, it is a very derivative edgy superhero story that lacks any kind of subversiveness, and it's really tropey. But I will also say that it entertained me from A to Z, and that I do still enjoy these R-rated violent superhero stories. It's popcorn fluff and it succeeds at being popcorn fluff. And I know I criticized Father vs. Son for being derivative and yet rank this higher, but to be honest, Father vs. Son bored me more lol.

 

Spoiler

 

9/11: Never Forget

 

One of three documentaries I pre-selected wasn't gonna make the list, and I think this is the one that had to be cut, on the notion of being the slightest. But it's still a touching film with a unique artistic vision to portray a history-changing tragedy unlike before, and I'm happy to at least recognize it as such.