MCKillswitch's Y9 Reviews: Powered by Dall-E Mini (or CrAIyon, as it's now known)

[MCKillswitch123]

#25:

 

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Revenge Ex

 

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#24:

 

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Inspector Gadget and Penny

 

 

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#23:

 

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The Crummy Shindig

 

 

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#22:

 

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Kirby and the King's Caper

 

 

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#21:

 

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Super Monkey Ball

 

 

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#20:

 

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HOOOOOPs

 

 

Edited July 29, 2022 by MCKillswitch123

[MCKillswitch123]

#19:

 

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The Next Good Day

 

 

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#18:

 

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Winner Takes All

 

 

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#17:

 

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Alakazam!

 

 

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#16:

 

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Red Rabbit

 

 

[MCKillswitch123]

#15:

 

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Tumbleweed

 

 

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#14:

 

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War on Drugs: America's Modern Conflict

 

 

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#13:

 

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The Mirage

 

 

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#12:

 

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Land of the Crescent

 

 

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#11:

 

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Invader Zim

 

 

[MCKillswitch123]

#10:

 

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Acne

 

 

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#9:

 

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Grace and Mercy

 

 

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#8:

 

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Warmth

 

 

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#7:

 

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Matilda and the Night Children

 

 

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#6:

 

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Tongue Tied

 

 

[MCKillswitch123]

#5:

 

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Runaway Train

 

 

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#4:

 

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Heremias

 

 

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#3:

 

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American Spy

 

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#2:

 

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The Queen Who Never Was

 

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#1:

 

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Sleepy Hollow

 

 

 

 

 

 

[YM!]

Thanks for 1, 7, 20, 24 and 25.

[MCKillswitch123]

Full Top 25:

 

Spoiler

1. Sleepy Hollow
2. The Queen Who Never Was
3. American Spy
4. Heremias
5. Runaway Train
6. Tongue Tied
7. Matilda and the Night Children
8. Warmth
9. Grace and Mercy
10. Acne
11. Invader Zim
12. Land of the Crescent
13. The Mirage
14. War on Drugs: America's Modern Conflict
15. Tumbleweed
16. Red Rabbit
17. Alakazam!
18. Winner Takes All
19. The Next Good Day
20. HOOOOOPs
21. Super Monkey Ball
22. Kirby and the King's Caper
23. The Crummy Shindig
24. Inspector Gadget and Penny
25. Revenge Ex

HM - AeroMobil: The Future is Now

HM - Bikini

HM - Devil Bean

HM - Heart of the Amazon

HM - SSX

 

[MCKillswitch123]

Raven Island review belatedly added to September.

 

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OCTOBER

 

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Fore!

dir. Tom Gormican

 

Spoiler

From the studio that brought you Yin, Yang, Higher Ground, White Wyvern and Go-Kart Gottlieb, comes yet another magical realism thing or whatever it is with the purpose of fucking with your brain.

 

And to be honest, that really is the only purpose I could find to give Fore! - fucking with you. It's a movie so meta that it straight up rewrites the rules of its own story in the same vein as video games like Braid or Prince of Persia, or Michael Haneke's disturbing as fuck Funny Games. It's a movie that exists to remind you that movies are fiction and the authors can do whatever the Hell they wanna do with them.

 

Which, well, is fair enough if you wanna do that, I guess. The inner subtext elevates it, but I can't say that I was particularly enthralled with this festival of nonsense and its bare bones characters, bizarre celebrity cameos or dated pop culture references - as a matter of fact, I'd say this really was just a load of dumb shit happening for the pure sake of it (and if you wanna compare it to Funny Games or Braid, those media forms utilized what this film does to a far more purposeful degree). But for what it is, it certainly fills up the schedule. It's definitely one of the movies of the year.

 

Ok, jokes aside, I get that this was going for a Losers Weepers or Wet Willy-type schlock trashy fun thing, but I didn't find it anywhere near as funny as those two, nor did I appreciate its obnoxious metaness. It hits two stars merely because it's different enough as a concept that it stands out, it carries interesting thematic weight, and it doesn't completely overstay its welcome, but yeah, this was not good. Sorry.

 

Spoiler

 

 

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Mechamen

dir. Jaume Collet-Serra

 

Spoiler

Or, going by its alternate title, Michael Bay's Pacific Rim. It's got it all in it: the sunsets, the heavy American patriotism, and even (slightly subvert this time) the racism.

 

To be fair, calling it Bay-like isn't entirely a criticism, as it does boast a lot of things that are usually good in Bay films: the visuals are far and away the best part of the film, boasting some incredibly imaginative production design and effects, and allowing pretty, saturated, vibrant colors to pop off the screen, which, in a movie about giant mechs fighting, is pretty much guaranteed to make one giddy. The action is pretty good for the most part, and the opening scene of the film is absolutely insane and had me with a smile on my face.

 

However, if you're looking for things such as "story", "characters" or "cohesion", forget all about it. I was entertained when mechs were fighting, but my investment in the actual narrative was little to none. The story is immensely generic and the characters are absolute archetypes of what they're supposed to be, especially the supporting characters, like the Russian totalitarian evil overlord and his bratty daddy's girl daughter, the Japanese doctor who wears glasses and always has no expression on his face, the Chinese noble and focused warrior who also wears glasses (Asians are smart, y'all!), the Irish suave badass that happens to be a cousin of the Northern Irish character in the film (cause everyone in Ireland is related, apparently, don't matter if it's Republic or Northern), and it goes on. The movie's condemnation of imperialism, as timely and warranted as it may be, has the subtlety of a spear being chucked through your eye, and it's all the more funny being delivered by a very patriotic American film of all things. It doesn't help that the script is overbearingly trodden with cliches. I will give it credit in that it wears these archetypes and tropes loud and proud; however, it is a stunningly weak sauce-effort even for what it's trying to accomplish. My understanding is that the writing is intentionally cheesy, but the artificiality doesn't add up to nostalgic thrills as much as it adds up to the frustration of a film that is trying to be a big budget anime episode and comes across as more of a bad Transformers-wannabe.

 

To add to this, there's the little things, like: starting themes and not really doing anything with them, or the aforementioned subvert racism. In the latter's case, there is more than just the archetype characters that I already talked about, although those do not help at all. I understand that this movie did not want to indulge in any form of wrongful and its utilization of culture is meant to be a celebration of said cultures, but what they do in this movie kinda comes across in slightly bad taste. Again, I do recognize that it's completely unintentional, but I couldn't help but shake off some weird vibes. And honestly, this is mostly noticeable in the main character. It's nice that the American government would want to homage Native Americans, but the irony of the United States designing a super patriotic Murican war machine appropriating the culture of the population they literally drove off to form society is hilarious to me. On that note, the movie does have potential to literally acknowledge that, and it rarely ever does! That very irony and that very conflict of interests between the hero and the country could make for some juicy thematic depth and character arcs that could've explored America's complicated relationship with its past, but the movie is much more interested in being all Murica, Fuck Yeah!, dropping mere samplets of moments it looks like it's about to dive into that idea, and later, forgetting about it entirely. The same thing happens to another storyline that starts in the second act and pretty much goes nowhere.

 

The cast is also woefully underutilized, apart maybe from Forrest Goodluck, whom the script allows to show a range of more than one emotion. Saoirse Ronan tries desperately to salvage this movie with her badassery, but she feels misused, and I won't even talk about casting names like Jamie Dornan, Anthony Mackie, Josh Brolin, Ludi Lin or Laurence Fishburne for whatever roles. Everything that's not action and visuals fails so hard that getting through this thing was becoming more and more of a slog as it went along - and this is a 10k+ word movie, y'all.

 

Mechamen is trying to be Rocky IV meets Gundam Wing, which sounds like an interesting pitch on paper, but in execution, Jaume Collet-Serra and his team put zero effort into making this thing compelling. I mean, I guess that's not fully true, because they did think that putting a Native American character in a Native American-looking mech would be enough for the story to feel empathetic, but in execution, it really isn't. I know it looks like I'm putting down too much a movie that's just meant to be turn off your brain-fun, so maybe that reflects more on me than it will on you. Maybe you'll enjoy it a lot more than I did. I wanted to like it, cause that opening scene had me giggling like a child (in a good way!), but once it plays its first few cards, you know what you're into. It may make for low quality bar popcorn entertainment on Indigenous People's Day Weekend, but it definitely ain't the Black Panther of said holiday.

 

Spoiler

 

 

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Sleepy Hollow

dir. Henry Selick

 

Spoiler

The second Endless Animation venture of Y9 is actually a drastic change in tone and intention compared to the usual family-friendly fare of the studio - surprisingly still boasting the EA brand. Sleepy Hollow is apparently an idea that the higher ups at Endless have had for two years now, and in the hands of producers Jordan Peele and Jason Blum, as well as The Nightmare Before Christmas and Coraline director Henry Selick, it finally came to life on October of this game year.

 

This remake of the classic fairytale is more than just a simple retelling - it’s a complete reimagining of the lore of Sleepy Hollow, giving brand new purpose behind every element from the legendary lore. As envisioned by Endless Animation and Selick, Sleepy Hollow tells the story of Ichabod - voiced by Michael B. Jordan - and his adventures inside the mysterious town of Sleepy Hollow with resolve and confidence, exploring complex themes surrounding capitalism, colonialism, imperialism and the broken pillars of entrepreneurism, utopia and American society, from the perspective of nuanced characters and a Borrasca/Get Out-type mystery that engages you from start to finish. This new version of Ichabod is self-stuck, arrogant and prepotent, preferring to seek his own best interests, and he goes through a compelling character arc as he realizes the price to pay for selfish decisions.

 

Next to him is a strong supporting cast, even if some characters (namely Baltus, hammily played by John Goodman) are a bit on the one/two-note side; but these are a minority. One other problem that one can raise, and I feel like others will indeed raise it, is that this is a rather blunt movie regarding its messaging and themes. It does not shy away at all from what it’s talking about, leading to a rather unsubtle exploration of dense thematic material, especially as the later portion of the story gets into cliched exposition territory - however, I will say that this didn’t bother me extensively, as it is the rare movie where the unsubtlety of the message goes in line with the untangling of the mystery cobwebs, meaning that its loud call for change makes a resounding impact rather than a thud. The stop motion animation is absolutely gorgeous, the film oozes in atmosphere and the voice cast is uniformly excellent. That being said, if you go in expecting this to be close to the original versions of Sleepy Hollow, you’ll be very much disappointed, especially as the town that is presented here bears almost no resemblance to any of its existing versions, sans the 1950’s appearance, which is bafflingly never fully explained (another issue I have with the film).

 

As someone who has never seen any of the Sleepy Hollow interpretations before (that includes the 1999 Tim Burton film and the Disney Animation classic The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad), I can still safely say that this reimagining lives up to the fairytale and then some. Sleepy Hollow is the strongest Endless Animation joint since Gateways and, in continuation to the ever growing trend in CAYOM, another win for adult animation in the game.

 

Spoiler

 

 

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Red Rabbit

dir. John Madden

 

Spoiler

Numerator Pictures brings us this port from a prior iteration of CAYOM, of the 2002 Tom Clancy novel titled Red Rabbit - which, chronologically, takes place a few months after the events of the first Clancy thriller, Patriot Games. This new iteration stars Stranger Things-famed Joe Keery as the newer, younger, sexier and rather inexperienced Jack Ryan, alongside an epic ensemble cast.

 

In all sincerity, my familiarity with Jack Ryan and any story starring that character is small at best, so I’m coming in with a fresh perspective on the character. And with that in mind, Red Rabbit is a good, solid spy thriller with a strong ensemble of actors and a nuanced exploration of the political implications of fighting to keep everything as is, or fighting to prove you’re good enough to be who you are. Albeit the character of Jack Ryan is, rather surprisingly, not as much of an active protagonist in his own story as I assumed he would be (again, this may or may not surprise those familiar with Clancy’s work and following adaptations, so keep that in mind), Keery delivers a confident performance, balancing comfortably the anxiety of a Jack Ryan new on the job with the certainty that life will go well, despite life having already put the character through a rough patch.

 

Though, to my (somewhat) bewilderment, the real protagonists of Red Rabbit are the supporting characters. Elizabeth Olsen and Andrew Garfield shine as Mary and Ed Foley, a couple actively working for the CIA who come across a defective KGB agent. They, alongside actor Tom Wlaschiha, take the show for themselves and pretty much drive every inch of the story forward, with Keery’s Ryan only factoring in in the latter second half.

 

The good performances, solid script and good direction by John Madden give this novel adaptation a sense of nuance and multidimensionality, although one will not find anything world-changing in here - it’s a simple, old-fashioned spy thriller about American and Soviet spy games during the Cold War, a movie that mostly feels like an adaptation of a product of the time it came from, but is never actively grating and rather mostly well done and satisfying. Solid movie.

 

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#Spooked

dir. Jeff Wadlow

 

Spoiler

The director of masterpieces such as Truth or Dare mixes up with the masters of cynical B-horror, Crescent Film Releasing, for this horror comedy starring Jack Dylan Grazer as Chad, a literal chad who enters an old abandoned house with a bunch of wannabe influencers. Well, you know literally everything that’s gonna happen from that prompt alone lol.

 

Even still, despite the movie hitting pretty much every beat you expect it to - and I don’t mean that in a positive way - there are a few pleasant surprises when the movie almost seems like it’s gone full meta, which keeps the atmosphere light, at least. There are some funny moments, and the ending almost hints at commentary towards the toxicity of social media culture, but part of me doesn’t wanna grant this thoughtless dump that much.

 

I don’t know, I guess it’s passable as lightweight, trashy Halloween fun, but it really doesn’t offer much.

 

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Grace and Mercy

dir. Stella Meghie

 

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Studio Groundswell has delivered some good films this year, namely the Summer thrillfest The Mirage and the Kirby, Alakazam! and Super Monkey Ball animated films, but, apart from Gus Van Sant's Tumbleweed and Kelly Reichardt's Bikini, they haven't really tried much regarding non-genre, classic fare, if you will.

 

This film, Grace and Mercy, is their attempt at a more conventional awards season drama. Tiffany Haddish stars as a real life woman who put gorilla glue on her hair and went viral for it. What surprised me most about this one was the chill vibes it poses - it does have a conflict and a somewhat loose three-act structure, but a lot of the film plays with a naturalistic atmosphere that makes it work on vibes alone. But, it is still a classic film in structure, and it's a solid one at that.

 

Haddish does a good job with the cleverly understated direction by Stella Meghie that allows her to be wholesome without exposing her flaws as an actress (if you watched, say, The Card Counter, you will know Haddish is not very good with dramatic roles). The rest of the cast is serviceable, even if no one really has much to work off, except perhaps for Da'vine Joy Randolph and Myles Truitt, who get a couple good scenes. And yeah, ultimately the movie succeeds as a generally light and fluffy, but still easy to emotionally attach experience about the nature of mistakes, the effect they can have on your life - both good and bad - and how you can learn from them, as well as how cruel outside reactions can sometimes be.

 

It's not a movie that will change cinema forever, but Grace and Mercy is a well made, solid light drama with a good lead performance and some clever direction. I have a feeling some will like it even more than I did, but as such, I think it's good.

 

Spoiler

 

 

Edited July 30, 2022 by MCKillswitch123

[MCKillswitch123]

NOVEMBER

 

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Land of the Crescent

dir. Mohamed Diab

 

Spoiler

Pulled straight from the vault of 1.0, comes this period epic from Numerator Pictures and director Mohamed Diab, set entirely in 1400’s A.D. Iraq and with an all-Muslim cast, probably one of the first of its kind (alongside the Amma Asante live-action Prince of Egypt remake, might I add).

 

Land of the Crescent is a pretty rollicking time in theaters. Obviously the factor of representation for Muslim actors and their roots is worth mentioning as a driving factor of positivity, but the movie easily stands out even with that aside. It’s a fun adventure that doesn’t overdo it and keeps it relatively simple with characterizations and motives - as a matter of fact, the villain of the film is a little bit too one note-ish in how much of an ass he is - while keeping the pace high, the production values epic (the scenery and the big, sweeping scale and imagery are astonishing), and the cast is clearly having a ball with the script they have, the standout easily being May Calamawy as protagonist Nadia, and Yasmeen Fletcher as her sister. It tells a pretty commonplace story for the kind of movie that is, with the center being on the rescue of a woman unwillingly taken by a misogynistic prince, but, smartly, the movie understands the perfect equilibrium of epic stakes and seriousness with some lightness as well.

 

It’s not a perfect film, as even beyond the simplistic characterizations (although effective in some cases, as the cast is mostly likable), the film does drag its feet a bit in the latter half of the film after having already peaked in epicness and leads to a resolution that takes a fair bit more time than it should (even though the movie is a refreshingly light 105 minutes), but overall, it’s hard to be dissatisfied with a product that knows what it is and executes it niftly. A very solid little flick that deserves your money in the theater.

 

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Mother Knows Better

dir. Tyler Perry

 

Spoiler

An unnecessary sequel to Y7’s Father Knows Best proves to be exactly what was expected: another bland and mediocre Tyler Perry trashy relationship dramedy that wastes a talented cast of actors and will surely bring in millions of dollars at the box office from Perry’s very reliable audience.

 

If you’re a part of that audience, Mother Knows Better is exactly more of what you crave. For anyone else, steer clear of this pointless nonsense.

 

Spoiler

 

 

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Tongue Tied

dir. Armando Iannucci

 

Spoiler

This was hailed as a fantasy rom-com in the vein of Armando Iannucci's previous works - which I'm unfamiliar with, I have to admit, but I did see The Death of Stalin's trailer... does that count? Ehh. Well, I can claim that, if that trailer is indicative of anything, this is not the kind of humor that Iannucci typically works. If anything, this feels more like someone watched Shrek and said: "Hey, I'll turn that into a live-action movie, but the main premisse is The Princess and the Frog." It's kinda like a crossover between Dragonheart and Edgar Wright, and not at all like the sly, bitter, dry humor that Iannucci's works are billed to be, and I think that this movie really should've had a better director choice - the aforementioned Wright would have fit the bill much better, i.e..

 

That said, do I dislike it for what it is? Not at all. It's a cute, delightful little adventure that tries to disrupt genre tropes and tell a story that reassures women that their choices are healthy. It has a vast ensemble cast with pretty good performances across the board, my favorite probably being Maria Bakalova as Misha, the funniest, wholesomest and most positively kooky character in the movie. I also thought that Jessica Henwick was a badass, while the lead performance by George MacKay is suitably exhibitionist and, when necessary, down to Earth in the best way possible, him having a pretty decent character arc. But really, the cast is uniformly solid. As for the humor, it hits and misses, but it does hit surprisingly often and gets away with some funny jokes (others are really dumb, but thankfully, the good ones come when you need them to); and it flows well enough, never really overstaying its welcome and keeping things fresh enough with its "who wants to kiss the prince more?" twist to its old-as-time tale.

 

Points are taken off for the really small budget that a project of this caliber requires, which I think hurts the visual effects and the quality of production - I don't see how this is a cheaper movie to make than Groundswell's own New Tricks (that cost $80m, this cost only $60m). Then there's the issue in its sometimes shady messaging, which ranges from overly pudic - it almost prefers to judge people because they... kiss a lot of people, rather than for being deceitful - to sometimes treading on murky waters - this is in particular in a scene where a character is reassuring another character by saying their actions weren't wrong, despite the fact that they literally endangered someone without a justifiable enough reason to do so. Meanwhile, some characters are really only there to do very little, especially in the case of Hugo Weaving and Helena Bonham Carter, two excellent, big name actors who barely show up; and others, like Harry Melling's character, show up often but don't speak much or even matter in the long run, a shame in Melling's side since he spends the whole movie with John Boyega's character, who in turn probably should've gotten a bit more of a spotlight than he received as well.

 

But with all that said, this is an amusing, and at times heartwarming experience that deserves props for its widely strong cast, its solid screenplay that reflects a desire to give women a big friendly hug and its well thought out modern update on a fairytale. Go in knowing what you'll get and you'll walk out with a smile on your face. I won’t give it a higher grade simply because the choice of Iannucci to direct is off-putting, but nevertheless, this is a very high…

 

Spoiler

 

 

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Inspector Gadget and Penny

dir. Michael Jelanic and Aaron Horvath

 

Spoiler

The third Endless Animation film of the year graces us this Thanksgiving, as Teen Titans Go! duo Michael Jelanic and Aaron Horvath reunite again for a brand new theatrical interpretation of a very beloved duo of characters, in Inspector Gadget and Penny. I will say beforehand that I don’t have a lot of experience with Inspector Gadget, apart from watching a few episodes of the cartoon on TV, but I guess I have a basic-ish knowledge of the show, beyond the fact that it has one of the best cartoon intro themes of all time. I recognize also that the veeeery ill-fated 1999 Matthew Broderick live-action film probably hasn’t aged like fine wine, so I guess time was due for a new version of Gadget to come to the big screen, and I’m happy that Endless Animation took the job, them having just this year come off a very unique duo of films in Matilda and the Night Children and their Sleepy Hollow reimagining.

 

So, how does Gadget and Penny fare? Well, fittingly to its duo of directors, this is obviously a less ambition and emotionally mature swing than either Matilda or Hollow, opting instead to be Endless Animation’s most low-key work of the year. I guess I have to give credit to Jelanic and Horvath for taking the story in a somewhat unexpected direction, focusing on Penny’s loneliness and social awkwardness as she rebels against her uncle for taking all of the credit for their heroism and not letting her be a more active part of their missions. Penny’s quasi-toxic relationship with another character is the heart of the movie, while the comedy is high level, mostly thanks to Dr. Claw, who absolutely steals the show in the few scenes he shows up. Sadly, where this movie falters is perhaps in the titular characters’ relationship. The movie presents an estranged link between Gadget and Penny, in hopes to build an arc for an eroded father-daughter dynamic to finally bloom; however, as the film swings away from the actual relation between the two and focuses more on Penny’s sad teen time, it feels like Gadget himself is left somewhat underdeveloped, and the big third act character changes, while still effective, don’t hit as hard as they should. This makes the narrative a bit janky and not quite as sharp as it should be - although, given that the film was rushed to meet a deadline, I don’t put the blame too much on Endless or the directors.

 

So yeah, Inspector Gadget and Penny is a solid time in theaters and a good movie to take kids and families to on Thanksgiving, but it falls in line with other big budget animated fare of the year - such as the Super Monkey Ball and Kirby films - and less so in the same patamar that Matilda or Hollow reached. A lower end Endless Animation joint, but still a decent film.

 

Spoiler

 

 

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Ultraman: Dark Future

dir. Jonathan Liebesman

 

Spoiler

Crescent Film Releasing caps off their comeback year with a sequel to a successful project from Y2, that being Michael Bay’s Ultraman adaptation. The first film, obviously based off the famous TV franchise from Japan, was a Bayhem extravaganza with a lot of big giant monster things fighting, lots of explosions and lots of military jerking - though, overall, it was a fine and entertaining product, even if not particularly high on character or originality, and a bit too exhaustive in structure, but for what it is, it’s about on par with the first Transformers film, so good enough for your inner 10 year old to flip out.

 

This seven years later sequel has been delivered to Bay collaborator and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2014 helmer Jonathan Liebesman, and actually functions more as a legacy sequel than anything, since the events of Dark Future take place 100 years after those of the original Ultraman, with a brand new protagonist and a (technically) new antagonist as well. But honestly, there’s not a whole lot of change here, it functions practically likewise as the first one did. Michael B. Jordan is good casting as the new Ultraman, but he’s given practically nothing to do character-wise, other than the film hinting that he and his family are runaways from the collateral damage by the monster attacks, while the new villain is boring as Hell and a lame follow-up to the funny antagonist from the Michael Bay film.

 

The film has one or two cool surprises but it’s really just a mostly formulaic and trodden sequel, offering very little of new and existing just for the studio to make a quick buck at the box office. I guess it’ll benefit from being the big live-action blockbuster on Thanksgiving, but the freshness and badassery of the first is long lost in this bland follow-up.

 

Spoiler

 

 

Edited July 30, 2022 by MCKillswitch123

[MCKillswitch123]

DECEMBER

 

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Father III - All Hell Breaks Loose

dir. Anna Foerster

 

Spoiler

Holy shit. Heavens above. God save us.

 

The third entry in Infinite Studios' Father series is certainly the unholiest of them all, having fully embraced its B-movie trashiness and following a straight up horror comedy route. There are some very funny moments involving the use of holy water and levels in Hell, which elevate the movie from being as bad as its predecessor was, although the movie is still shockingly tame when in overall review, which is bizarre considering that it's subtitled All Hell Breaks Loose.

 

It's not actively awful, but it won't reach beyond the level of quality that the Father series has gotten us used to. Still, it deserves two stars merely because it actually made me laugh.

 

Spoiler

 

 

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The Baddest of Them All

dir. Bruce Hendricks

 

Spoiler

Pretty sure Bruce Hendricks has more interests beyond concert movies, but whatever, his choice.

 

Doja Cat concert movie. It's fine for what it is, though I'm not a huge fan (or even knowledgeable) of her music, apart from one or two hits that play often on the radio. Chock it up with all the others.

 

I'll say this: I believe that at some point we will run out of major pop artists to feature. Maybe then we'll see a Metallica or Bring Me The Horizon concert film.

 

Spoiler

 

 

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SSX

dir. Aaron and Adam Nee

 

Spoiler

The movie event of the century, Studio Groundswell’s adaptation of one of my favorite sports video game franchises ever! Well, I can’t say I actually ever expected to see an SSX movie happen - I guess there was a dying chance in CAYOM, but I’m not counting on it irl lol. That being said, I was curious to see what this movie would account for, given that I’m a big fan of SSX Tricky.

 

This movie is about what you would expect for a rushed filler-type movie. It’s not actively bad, to be fair, it’s more just generic. I’d even say that for a straight adaptation of the games, it does decently as it boasts great vistas to mountainous, snowy regions and amazing snowboarding tricks, while the characters of Mac, Zoe and Elise, have the beginning of an interesting character dynamics and relationship overall. The other characters are really just there to fill space, some of them played by very overqualified actors, while the film races fast to its conclusion.

 

There’s nothing world-changing about SSX, but for all intents and purposes, it’s a decent adaptation. Could’ve been a lot worse - and given how direct of a translation it is, the games deserve credit for having solid stories; although obviously, no credit should be taken away from Groundswell and the Nee brothers either for their work.

 

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The Queen Who Never Was

dir. Michelle MacLaren

 

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Two game years after Alpha Pictures’ stunning Fatal Attraction remake, Michelle MacLaren returns to CAYOM to direct a movie in a franchise she's quite familiar with: the biggest movie of Y9, Numerator Pictures’ The Queen Who Never Was, a film that functions as a prequel to the juggernaut smash hit HBO series, Game of Thrones. I’ll preface by saying that I am a Game of Thrones fan, I’ve seen the show, relived its best moments many times, hated season 8 - as did everyone else - and think it’s one of modern television’s most defining moments. I’ve never actually read any of the source material from George R.R. Martin, although my mom does own a Complete History of Westeros book that apparently explains the entire backstory of the events of the show, which, funnily, is exactly what both the upcoming HBO Max show House of the Dragon and this movie are both based on (as a matter of fact, Numerator has already confirmed that this will be the only A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones film they’ll make, as House of the Dragon existing irl pretty much stalls their plans for a franchise in the future). With all that said, how does this $200 million budget beast of a movie fare?

 

Well, The Queen Who Never Was is… quite a lot. It’s a lot of movie. At a truly epic (you don’t get to use that word as often as you think) runtime of 3 hours and 20 minutes, this is a time bending, narratively complex spectacle of family drama, treason, sex, intrigue and a lot of blood - so, yeah, it’s very faithful to Game of Thrones. I guess I’ll start by saying that this reminds me of films like last year’s blockbusters, Mass Effect: Revelation and The Last Airbender: The Boy in the Iceberg - more so Revelation, which came from the same studio. It has a really busy narrative structure, as it dabbles between a gigantic ensemble cast and tries to give the majority of its characters compelling drama to work with, while still having to find time to give its lead protagonist the main spotlight. And funnily enough, one of the things that holds me back from thinking this film is a CAYOM masterpiece is actually the fact that the main protagonist herself sometimes feels like an afterthought in the wake of so much Targaryen conflict. Her plot pretty much doesn’t kickstart until the late second act or third act, beforehand she’s just a curious girl who’s in love with the Sea Snake. Perhaps the most jarring element of Queen, however, is the very start-and-stop first act, in which plenty of time jumps between past, present, not-so-past-and-close-to-the-present, etc. can easily take you off-guard and make you think more than once about at what point of the story you are - in that regard, I assume that repeat viewings or just a broad knowledge of the franchise will help. Some secondary characters are really only there to mark their presence, while one of the characters given a pretty significant spotlight early on has a frankly “half-full, half-empty” resolution.

 

However, make no mistake: despite its faults, this movie is stunning. I will acknowledge that, similarly to Revelation, it has a volcanic narrative structure - but, unlike the Mass Effect threequel, this movie does not lose steam and momentum as it lounges forward to its resolution. While the first two acts are all setup for the actual story that you signed up to watch, it is still endlessly magnetic to see these characters interact with each other, and some characters have some very, very strong internal conflicts/subplots, as the film makes its way to its endgame message of female emancipation in a world dominated by patriarchy (MacLaren’s delivery is not exactly subtle here, but it really doesn’t matter this time). The ensemble cast as a whole is excellent, with my highlights being Kenneth Branagh, Emma Thompson, Jessie Buckley and Jack Huston; while, as far as production values are concerned, I’d be shocked if this didn’t sweep all the technical Oscars ala Last Airbender. And comparatively to the two blockbusters from Y8 I keep quoting, I would easily say that Queen trumps them both.

 

This is the definition of a flawed classic. A movie with issues galore, and yet, what it does well is more than enough to conquer your heart. I don’t know how accessible it is to non-fans of Martin’s franchise, but given that I knew very little about the events of Game of Thrones pre-season 1 of the show, I was able to have a pretty good understanding. The Queen Who Never Was is one of the most ambitious films I’ve ever read in CAYOM, and the fact that it’s great only magnifies the scale of the ambition. It feels like a genuine Lord of the Rings moment for the game, although obviously not as good as any of Peter Jackson’s films, but that’s not really an insult as much as it is an achievement that this film, from a franchise that’s honestly incredibly hard to adapt to cinema, is able to stay in the limelight of that incredible trilogy.

 

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Among Us

dir. James Gunn

 

Spoiler

From the warped minds of James Gunn and Studio Groundswell, comes an adaptation of a cultural phenomenon: a film version of the video game Among Us (aka Amogus. I prefer calling it Amogus, henceforth, that'll be how I'll call it from here on out).

 

Let me preface this review by saying that I personally don't have that much experience with the game itself, but I am firmly aware of all the memes that spawned off the resurfacing of this 2013 video game that, thanks to a popular streamer, became a big hit during the COVID-19 pandemic. So, what happens when one of the most creative big budget film directors out there takes the helm of a movie adaptation of this game? You get... an interesting experiment, to say the least.

 

I honestly don't know what to make of this. I guess I'll start by saying that I really liked the idea of this quasi-experimental narrative-fiction-meets-game-show hybrid, something that I have in fact pondered doing before, and depending on the overall reception to this film (both critical and commercial), I might go ahead and make something similar myself. The concept to hide the identities of the ensemble cast behind the space suits of the SSS is very clever and certainly makes for a great hook on OW (well, at least on OD, when the "watch it before spoilers" effect is in full motion). But unfortunately, this idea was also the movie's Achilles heel in a way, because the first time that I went through it, I was ultimately far more distracted by the "guess who" to pay enough attention to the actual film. And I think this is where you have to take into account that CAYOM, being a written format, is an outlet where this kind of movie is tricky to behold, especially as the movie never clues you in on any of the actors' identities, apart from their gender, which is a problem when the film makes it explicit that it's not trying to hide the actors' voices; so really, you should be watching a regular film (only without knowing the cast beforehand), but because it's written, the actors' voices are impossible to identify - other than throwing immensely blind guesses that may or may not have been hugely off - and that distracted me 90% of the time. This obviously wouldn't be a problem in an irl film scenario, but this is CAYOM, which is very different.

 

With all of this said, I really had to watch the film a second time to actually experience the whole thing as it was meant to be - since the movie does in fact tell a standalone story completely separate from the Masked Singer-style game of trying to discover the identities of each actor. The story it does have is pretty basic and plays like a straight adaptation of the game itself, and can perfectly be summed up as John Carpenter’s The Thing meets Agatha Christie-style whodunnits, but I guess that's fine for what this movie is. Keeps you engaged just enough to never bore you, while never really going out of its way to be exceptionally satisfying from an emotional perspective; but c'mon, this is Amogus, so it simply being a ton of fun is good The actors are all well cast upon rewatch (even if there can be some weird parallels to be drawn from Gunn's choice for the person to play the impostor), and again, as a mystery thriller comedy, it's very simplistic, but entertaining. I do however have to complain about the fact that this is a PG-13 movie - this absolutely should've been rated R. There's a lot of blood, gore and body horror, and Hell, if you're playing the actual game, there's probably gonna be a lot of swearing involved. It's not exactly a kids' game per se, even if it's very cartoonish, but R-rating doesn't have to mean edgy and dark. I was thoroughly confused as to why this didn't get an R-rating, especially as some scenes really push PG-13 to an extreme limit. As for the director choice, I guess it's okay since there is a lot of sincerity and pretty colors, although there is definitely a lack of Gunn's trademark comedic snark, and I'm not sure if, say, the Game Night duo wouldn't have been a better choice.

 

Well, this is one of the longest reviews I've done this year, and quite honestly, there was a lot to say lol. Amogus is a very idiosyncratic experience, fascinating in many ways, certainly rewarding on rewatches and quite frankly, has all the makings to do well at the box office (although I suspect it might be frontloaded, but the film is entertaining enough to get good late legs after some sharp initial drops). As a film, I'm not entirely sure if it fully works - in written format, definitely not on first viewing. But once you get past that (or Hell, if you just go out of your way and spoil the cast for yourself, so that you can focus on the actual narrative mystery of "who's the impostor"), it’s fine, I suppose. It’ll be more memorable for the boldness of the experimentation if anything, but I suppose rewatches may reward the viewer more.

 

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Edited August 1, 2022 by MCKillswitch123

[SLAM!]

Realizing now that I forgot to thank you for #6, #9, #13, #15, #17, #21, #22, #23, and four honorable mentions!