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Alpha's Y9 Top 25 (Coming Soon)

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Similar to Rorschach's reviews thread, each film will be individually graded on different aspects of the film, along with a final consensus.


Plot Structure
Technical Stuff
Emotional Impact
Character Development


So let's begin with our first request, 5 Centimeters Per Second.


5 Centimeters Per Second

The First Anime Adaptation Rukaio Hasn't Claimed The Rights To


5 Centimeters Per Second does a pretty good job of remaking the famous Japanese romance manga. Although I think some better casting choices would've helped it, it's a good romance flick that doesn't settle for cheap drama, and instead for great emotional impact.


Plot Structure: I think the film's plot works really well. We get to see Takaki and Akari's relationship develop over the films' runtime in a cohesive manner. Thankfully, the time skips weren't as random as I thought they would be (reading the original Wikipedia summary), and ChD manages the flow of the plot really well. 8/10


Acting: I think the biggest problem with 5 Centimeters Per Second is the casting choices, by choosing a pair of unknowns for the lead roles. Don't get me wrong, I think the cast does fine, but they unfortunately aren't very good choices for the roles. There's a lot of Asian actors and actresses who would've played the roles of Takaki and Akari very well. I don't know why settling for anonymous players was a good idea for ChD. 4/10


Technical Stuff: I can't say much for the visual FX, because this isn't a huge blockbuster. I do have to say the technical elements in this movie are quite impressive, and definitely set the bar high for a romantic drama of this kind. The dreamy landscapes are just breathtaking. The last shot with Takaki watching the train passby is beautiful, and showcases how far the filmmakers go to make this movie great. 7/10


Emotional Impact: Yeah, there is a lot of emotion in 5 Centimeters Per Second. I think that it really does showcase a true romantic relationship, and the chemistry between Takaki and Akari is definitely done well throughout the whole movie. 9/10


Character Development: Although it's not bad, the characters in this movie aren't exactly the deepest. We really jump ahead to the focal point of the story without easing into the personalities of Takaki and Akari. There interests are made clear, but their personalities not as much. This is also due to the casting choices; with maybe some recognizable leads it would've been easier to grasp ahold of the characters personalities. 5/10




Even with poor casting, 5 Centimeters Per Second doesn't disappoint. I think it's a good romance that has it's heart in the right place. It's not a masterpiece, but it's still a nice, heartful movie. 6.5/10

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The only reason I didn't cast real actor was because I was too lazy to look for actors that would somehow look alike so I could fit them into the first part and then the last two parts. Their roles wouldn't have big enough, anyway, so I didn't bother at all.

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Horror House 2nullI don't even know what is this how the fuck WHY THE FUCK DOES THIS EXISTPlot Structure: Holy fucking shit. I would rate it a -1/10 if I could. I mean, in all it's suck ones, Birdemic was watchable. This...is unbearable. I would point out all the logical fallacies and bad plot developments, but everybody's already done that, so I'll skip that. I'll just say that retarded monkeys would view this film as an insult to their intelligence. 0/10Acting: The acting is horrendous. It's funny how Isla Fisher went from winning Best Actress at the Year 8 Oscars to reprising her role in fucking Horror House 2. This role is way below her caliber, and Fisher obviously knew this, because she puts no effort into this movie. I think Films you need to look for other actors and actresses besides the most popular, because honestly their performances are huge disappointments. 1/10Technical Stuff: The haunted house breaking free and "walking" across Killsville could've easily trumped everything bad about this movie and have been actually impressive. A $15 million budget doesn't help the film achieve any good special effects. Everything looks so fake, it's fucking sad. Ugh. 2/10Emotional Impact: The only "emotion" displayed in this film is Lisa's mourning of Lewis, and that's it. It's way too devoid of feelings, and the only kind of emotion is screaming. That's why Elizabeth Olsen's Silent House was awful; I don't wanna see some girl run through a house crying and screaming. And that's it. 1/10Character Development: One of the worst things about this movie is the characters. Lisa is a FUCKING NUTCASE. You'd figure that for the last ten years since her traumatic experience she'd go to a psychologist to treat her condition, but I guess she thinks it's OK and continues raising a child anyways. Oh, yeah, "flickering lights + child not doing it because she's in bed = EL DIABLO!!!", and so Lisa leaves her young child home alone. And she talks to houses. That alone describes the level of character development in this movie. 0/10FINAL CONSENSUS:What.0/10
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Technically, it would be a 1/10. Just sayin'


I made it a 0/10, because this movie fucking deserves it.


Films, I don't care if your horror film is supposed to be bad, I want horror films to be GOOD. It's better if you try rather than fucking dump an idea on the streets.

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I made it a 0/10, because this movie fucking deserves it. Films, I don't care if your horror film is supposed to be bad, I want horror films to be GOOD. It's better if you try rather than fucking dump an idea on the streets.

I won't fail you Alpha!
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To get it out of the way, the Top 15 Worst Movies of Year 9.


15. Tyrant III: The Final Chapter


The final installment of the Tyrant horror series is uninspired, and unfortunately plain boring. The intensity is lacking, and there's too little plot.


14. Peace at Last


Even the youngest of moviegoers will be bored by this putrid adaptation of a children's picture book (why?). There was hardly any reason for this to be turned into a major animated film, and it shows.


13. Mine


Another horror film sorely lacking depth or intensity. A bunch of miners get stuck in a haunted cave, who cares? The director provides no reason to care either.


12. Candle Cove: Tales of the Laughing Stock


A mystery/thriller without mystery or thrills. The addition of the government agent doesn't have much weight to it, either.


11. The Lucky Winner


With better writing, this may have been better. Instead, it fails to provide any laughs. Josh Gad tries, but can't help this excuse for a comedy.


10. Epicer Chase


needs more epic -420/100


9. The Cave


If you wanted people running around a cave and getting eaten by a monster we hardly ever see, then you got it. Creepypasta adaptations this year lacked in depth and intensity, and The Cave was one big example for this.


8. Vector


Pointless action movie about running around and parkour. Now that I think about it, Rorschach's movies seem to involve a lot of running. Maybe they're a subsidiary of Nike?


7. Tortoise Run




6. 3:40 AM


In the umpteenth sequel in this franchise, David Henrie proves he's a really bad director.


5. Tyler Perry's Madea's Time Machine


David Henrie should really cancel his contract with Blankments Productions, because I don't think I can survive another bad movie starring David Henrie.


4. Childhood Ruined 2



3. The Disappearance of Ashley, Kansas


Candle Cove on a much larger scale. A potentially awesome horror movie idea is turned into an awful docudrama.


2. Horror House 2




1. Mickey After Walt


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For the next part of the list, I'll go through every film on the schedule by release date. This is going to be based on Alfred's Top 25 reveal from Year 7 (http://forums.boxofficetheory.com/index.php?/topic/10005-alfreds-y7-top-25/).


Either you'll get a place between numbers 11-25, an honorable mention, or a nice picture:




So let's get rolling!




On the date of January 4th, three movies opened:




Ship of Lies


All get...



Edited by Alpha
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