Blankments

Wicked sucks

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THANK YOUUUUUU (For real, this means a lot. This year for the most part has been kinda disappointing for me critically and this #1 (along with the #5 for Birdwing, and the other high placings here) means quite a bit to me in feeling good about how the stuff I've written this year. I'm glad you loved Ms. Blakk )

AHHHHHHHHH THANK YOU

NEXT AUGUST.. SPEED RETURNS Or at least, in theory. Blankments Productions' long rumored Speed revamp is confirmed, albeit without an official title yet. The film will be directed by David F. Sandberg, and will feature a bomb set to go off in a vehicle if it goes slower than 50 mph! However, this film will take an entirely new approach, and as such, will be more inspired by Speed than marketed as a complete reboot. "We felt the need to take the rights for Speed as this film takes that basic setup to the point where it could either be a rip-off or a reboot. We chose to be somewhere in the middle of that," said Edward Nadny, CEO of Blankments Productions. Sandberg's take on the action franchise transposes the setting to the MIdwest - during someone's first driver's ed course. With the instructor out of commission, and three students in the car, its up to them to figure out how to keep the car in motion until someone gets help. Maitreyi Ramakrishnan, Wendell Pierce, and Simu Liu The film will star Maitreyi Ramakrishnan (Never Have I Ever) as the lead, the girl stuck behind the wheel for the worst first time ever. Wendell Pierce (The Wire, Clemency) will portray the instructor in way over his head. Simu Liu (Kim's Convenience, American Barbecue) has also been cast in an undisclosed role. Casting for the other students in the car, one male and female, is still underway. The action film is scheduled for August 9, hoping to be a popular film for teenagers returning to school, and people hungry for some good old-fashioned car action in late summer. So that's all the news we have for today - wait... WHAT? What? What does this mean? Is this what I think it is? IT IS?!?!? OLIVE RETURNS IN Y8!! But this time it's Halloween and scary season for our favorite dog. Zendaya returns as Olive the Other Reindeer, with Michael B. Jordan, John Mulaney, and Academy Award Winner Jake Gyllenhaal in tow. Oh, and of course, writer-director Taika Waititi, although he won't be doing either this go-around. No, he's vacated those roles to focus solely on Martini, although he contributed to the story of the sequel. Instead, the film will be directed by longtime collaborator of Waititi, Jemaine Clement! Famously missing out on the Academy-Award winning role of the Postman, Clement takes the would-be reindeer reins for the sequel, which will feature new songs from Bret McKenzie and an all-new story for Olive and her friends. Clement will also star in the film as well, being the first new cast member to join the world of Olive. Plot details are being kept tight under wraps, but the film will obviously tackle Halloween from Olive's unique perspective, especially a mysterious coven of witches moves into Town. The film will release on October 4, Y8, hoping to bring an element of spookiness to children all around the globe who loved Olive when they met her two years ago. With the untitled Speed revamp and the untitled Olive the Other Reindeer Halloween sequel, Blankments Productions adds two exciting new potential blockbusters to their slate of next year, hoping to bring fun and exhilaration to moviegoers of all ages!

my local arthouse theater is reopening with 2001 in 70mm, followed up by Vertigo in 70mm hmm

BIRDWING AHHHHH

I WANT TO REMAKE SPEED

Blankments Productions Has Found Their Ms. Marvel! Following a long search, the actor who will be playing Kamala Khan has finally been cast! Suhana Khan will being making her acting debut in Blankments Productions' Ms. Marvel, scheduled for release in Y8. Suhana Khan is the daughter of Bollywood superstar Shah Rukh Khan, and beat out several actors for the role. Minhal Baig, writer and director of the film, had this to say: "Casting the role of Kamala Khan was quite tough, as I realized as a Pakistani-American myself, I needed to find an actor with that heritage to embody the role. Although we saw many great actors audition, it eventually came down to finding a young woman who understood the role on a base level, and with Suhana, we have a really talented actress on board who even has the same last name of Ms. Marvel herself!" Suhana Khan was studying at NYU Tisch School of the Arts when Baig began her international search for the superhero. Deciding to audition under a surname (so her famous father would not influence the choice), she was called back in the final rounds and has just accepted the role. Suhana has Pakistani grandparents and was partially raised as a Muslim, two things that made the audition process incredibly personal for her. "It means a lot to me that I got this role on my own, and I can't believe I'm making my debut in such a big project! Well, my debut outside of student short films, I guess, but anyway. I'm really excited to be working with Minhal and the people at Blankments Productions to bring Kamala Khan to life. It is a true honor to be able to portray her," said Suhana Khan in a statement. In addition to the casting news, Ms. Marvel is being moved out of October to the summer season, seeing a lack of PG-13 films in the upcoming summer. It will now open on July 12, just in time for the Islamic New Year and Ashura, which are on the 8th and the 17th, respectively. More casting news will arrive soon, but for now, Baig, Khan, and Blankments Productions are very excited to be bringing one of the most popular recent superheroes to life next summer!

I don’t want Kim possible anymore

The disappointment Roman fever

Time for radio silence woooo

June Adam & Cindy - its cute. I wish it had a better resolution to its central tragedy than just slapstick though. 2.5/5 Yang - utterly baffling in so many ways. Whereas the first film existed in a lovely dream-logic, this film exists in something more akin to a horror film, and entirely lacks the subtle flow of Yin. Honestly, I think last year's Facepaint would've been a better Yang than this was; this should've been left as a spiritual sequel, as the plot setup feels likes it's going towards a film with legitimate social commentary and scary moments, but it all leaves way to nothing but shock moments and mindnumbing stupidity to try to retroactively explain the first film's twists. That film worked because there was no explanation to it; this film doesn't for so many reasons. You know the twist almost immediately coming in as you've seen the first movie. This movie throws all this political and social stuff your way and does nothing with it, despite the clear context and tone of the franchise implying they might factor into the plot in some manner. To top it off, the ending epigraph completely negates the interesting worldview of this franchise; that of yin and yang. However, one could argue this entire film attempts to negate what the original a masterpiece. This is a frustrating mystery box film where the mystery is painfully obvious and you're ahead of the characters; but moreover, it's a film that's determined to make logic out of dreams, and in that process, insults the audience and those who legitimately loved the first film. 1/5 The Scavenger Wars Part III - hmmm. I feel kinda off about this movie, and I'm not exactly sure if I can really put a name to why. If anything, I feel like whereas as Scavvies 2 made up for its lack of the leads of the original with a variety of intriguing new characters and a political exploration of Khouga, this trades that for mostly resolving leftover plot threads from the previous film in a way that feels kinda rushed, although not so much that it feels like a total waste. Sunn is a lot more tolerable this go-around, which is a relief, but I feel like in general this kinda focuses on trying to go big in a sense that the film doesn't feel built for until the third act. And the third act is tops, but it takes so long to get there that a lot of the build up doesn't work necessarily for me. However, this is a Scavenger Wars movie which means in general, despite all my misgivings of it, I genuinely find the world and characters intriguing enough for me to say I really enjoyed this - I just found it to be the weakest of the three so far easily. I will say that Carrie is a really good addition; the sequence with her and Tamara vs. the Dominian is possibly the greatest this franchise has had so far. Also, I found the central theme of the movie to be well-done and a good sum-up of the franchise has been so far. However, that doesn't change my general feeling of disengagement until the third act, something that I didn't feel when I looked back at a few scenes of Scavvies 2 while reading this (for a refresher). Basically, I find this good, but lacking in a way that's really hard to give a concrete reason on why it seems so off to me, which is probably disappointing in its own sense. That said, I have high hopes for IV, especially with the teaser at the end. 3.5/5 Hearts of Fire - it's a solid whatever action movie. Can't say I'll remember much about it in a few days, but it does the job. 3/5 Should You Imagine? - my main takeaway from this is that for a movie about imagination, it's a genuine problem that its two main antagonists feel wholescale lifted from other recent movies (the Steven Universe movie and The LEGO Movie 2). Whenever they show up, I'm distracted, whether the former being something where I wonder how everything about it reminds me of the trailers I've seen for that movie, or the latter where I just think about how underdeveloped Smarmy is compared to Rex Dangervest, despite functioning literally exactly the same in the film. As for the film besides these (very huge) roles, it's fine. It's adequate. The Kyle and Jennifer plot is pretty dire and boring, but the main plot is interesting, and does have a lot of cool thematic ideas about a developing sense of self - this is the clear best part of the film, although it's always lessened by the presence of the derivative villains. The funhouse sequence is the absolute highlight of the film all around, but in general, I'd honestly say this suffers from what I'd call Time Warp Trio Syndrome. When I was a kid, I would read all the Time Warp Trio books, but I would find remarkably less engaging on the actual adventure. The set-up here is marvelous, but once we enter Imaginationland, I just found it to be kinda rote? Maybe the film would've worked with different villains, but overall, Tiana and Ethan are really the only parts of this sequel that really work, and as they're the pivotal roles, that's makes it more tolerable than the rest of the lackluster elements would make it seem to be. 2/5

It is. FIGHT ME BAUMER

Thank you for 24, 23, 12, 9, 8, and 2!

Shell-shocked