Lady in the Water (2006)

[K1stpierre]

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[baumer]

Its one of the dumbest most ridiculous films ive ever seen.

1/10....only because Giammati is good in everything.

[Goffe]

It doesn't work neither as a horror-thriller nor as a fantasy. It might work a unintentional comedy though. It is a failure either way because it was supposed to be semi serious fim.

 

Horrible characters and dialogue, what would become Shyamalan trademark in later films, appear here for the first time in his movie in full glory, everything involving the critic was all kinds of awful, his death in particular was Uwe Boll level of bad. 25/100

[baumer]

Best review ever written for a movie:

 

Hey, I just saw the movie titled in the subject, here is my review.

The SIxth Sense marked the debut of M. Night's fame and popularity. The atmosphere and vibe that he created, along with a clever plot and a twist ending made movie-goers everywhere realize the importance of Shyamalan. He, to some extent, created a cult following.

Now, four movies later, many of his fans are wondering when he will reveal a movie as amazing as The Sixth Sense. With the OK-at-best movie Unbreakable, people were wondering if he was just a one-hit-wonder director. Then, with Signs, there was some hope that he would make a comeback.

But, then he released The Village. After he lost thousands of fans due to that horrendous movie, he attempts at making another good movie. He most certainly fails.

The movie places a stuttering man who lost his entire family in an Apartment complex. He, as the super, notices someone swimming late at night. This is the Lady from the title. 

You see, M. Night created an entire "Bed Time Story" about how land people used to coexist with the people of the "Blue World" (the ocean). These people speak English. But Land people got greedy and started fighting. But the Blue World people stayed pure, like water, as the Super points out. 

To help out the greedy people, huge birds that no land person has ever seen flies them to the land, and they must confront a "Chosen One" (no really, that is how the put it) and show them the way. The way the chosen one is directed will end up helping the land people as a whole.

The Chosen One is, of course, M. Night himself. He can write, direct, produce and now act. He must be the chosen one.

Anyways, there are wolves that aren't wolves, but are Scants or something. Their fur is grass and they are green. So that is why no person has seen them. These Scants attack people from the Blue World, but not the land. But there are rules. 

The night that the Snarf (lady of the blue world, The main Lady) returns to the blue world, the cannot attack them. If they do, these monkeys that aren't monkeys will kill them. There are three. And they are also made out of grass. 

But normal Scants wont attack Snarfs unless they are Rogue Scants. And those usually wont do it either, unless the Snarf is a Madame Snarf. And she is.

So now the protagonist, Cleveland must find people to help him.

You see, there are some normal people that help the Snarfs. Among the people are the Healer, the Guardian, the Guild and the Interpreter. These people are the only people who can see the Snarf leave. No one else can... or else it wont work or something.

And the moral is that no one knows who they are. I'm serious.

Anyways, the main bulk of the movie is Cleveland looking for people who can help, and being wrong a lot. And then he keeps stuttering. And it is annoying.

This is definitely M. Night's worst directed movie. Many of the shots are out of focus and hurt your eyes. And then there were the random shots, like when it showed the sign of The Cove while people were dying. And there were a lot of unnecessary close ups.

The writing is by far the worst in any movie. The Interpreter figures out what to do by looking at cereal boxes. I am not kidding. It hurt me inside when it happened.

The acting was decent by many, but some of the people should not be actors. M. Night was pretty good, but his lines were kept at a minimum.

Despite the absurdity of the Bed Time Story, every single person Cleveland told it to believed it immediately. And that is about 15 people. Just imagine someone telling you that a human that looks like everyone else... that doesn't even have gills, lives in the water. Nope, not happening.

The only good thing I could find was the music... and only the last song. A few of the other songs were out of place and unnecessary. But the song during the climax was very well composed.

M. Night should, in my opinion, stop directing and maybe pick up a different hobby. Like not directing. Or writing.

Overview: This movie is in my top 5 worst movies I have ever seen. I laughed at how absurd the story was, but never laughed at the so-called 'funny parts.' Do not see this movie unless you like pain.

Final grade: 3/1000

[75Live]

I love the Snarf reference...obviously

 

and the review itself is dead on

Edited June 1, 2015 by 75live

[Goffe]

Best review ever written for a movie:

Hey, I just saw the movie titled in the subject, here is my review.

The SIxth Sense marked the debut of M. Night's fame and popularity. The atmosphere and vibe that he created, along with a clever plot and a twist ending made movie-goers everywhere realize the importance of Shyamalan. He, to some extent, created a cult following.

Now, four movies later, many of his fans are wondering when he will reveal a movie as amazing as The Sixth Sense. With the OK-at-best movie Unbreakable, people were wondering if he was just a one-hit-wonder director. Then, with Signs, there was some hope that he would make a comeback.

But, then he released The Village. After he lost thousands of fans due to that horrendous movie, he attempts at making another good movie. He most certainly fails.

The movie places a stuttering man who lost his entire family in an Apartment complex. He, as the super, notices someone swimming late at night. This is the Lady from the title.

You see, M. Night created an entire "Bed Time Story" about how land people used to coexist with the people of the "Blue World" (the ocean). These people speak English. But Land people got greedy and started fighting. But the Blue World people stayed pure, like water, as the Super points out.

To help out the greedy people, huge birds that no land person has ever seen flies them to the land, and they must confront a "Chosen One" (no really, that is how the put it) and show them the way. The way the chosen one is directed will end up helping the land people as a whole.

The Chosen One is, of course, M. Night himself. He can write, direct, produce and now act. He must be the chosen one.

Anyways, there are wolves that aren't wolves, but are Scants or something. Their fur is grass and they are green. So that is why no person has seen them. These Scants attack people from the Blue World, but not the land. But there are rules.

The night that the Snarf (lady of the blue world, The main Lady) returns to the blue world, the cannot attack them. If they do, these monkeys that aren't monkeys will kill them. There are three. And they are also made out of grass.

But normal Scants wont attack Snarfs unless they are Rogue Scants. And those usually wont do it either, unless the Snarf is a Madame Snarf. And she is.

So now the protagonist, Cleveland must find people to help him.

You see, there are some normal people that help the Snarfs. Among the people are the Healer, the Guardian, the Guild and the Interpreter. These people are the only people who can see the Snarf leave. No one else can... or else it wont work or something.

And the moral is that no one knows who they are. I'm serious.

Anyways, the main bulk of the movie is Cleveland looking for people who can help, and being wrong a lot. And then he keeps stuttering. And it is annoying.

This is definitely M. Night's worst directed movie. Many of the shots are out of focus and hurt your eyes. And then there were the random shots, like when it showed the sign of The Cove while people were dying. And there were a lot of unnecessary close ups.

The writing is by far the worst in any movie. The Interpreter figures out what to do by looking at cereal boxes. I am not kidding. It hurt me inside when it happened.

The acting was decent by many, but some of the people should not be actors. M. Night was pretty good, but his lines were kept at a minimum.

Despite the absurdity of the Bed Time Story, every single person Cleveland told it to believed it immediately. And that is about 15 people. Just imagine someone telling you that a human that looks like everyone else... that doesn't even have gills, lives in the water. Nope, not happening.

The only good thing I could find was the music... and only the last song. A few of the other songs were out of place and unnecessary. But the song during the climax was very well composed.

M. Night should, in my opinion, stop directing and maybe pick up a different hobby. Like not directing. Or writing.

Overview: This movie is in my top 5 worst movies I have ever seen. I laughed at how absurd the story was, but never laughed at the so-called 'funny parts.' Do not see this movie unless you like pain.

Final grade: 3/1000

pretty accurate

[RobinHood26]

C- (71)