cookie Posted January 14, 2018 Author Share Posted January 14, 2018 4 minutes ago, YourMother the Edgelord said: Where’s the rest of February? I had to vent about Truth Is so I'll get to the rest in due time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hiccup23 Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 5 minutes ago, cookie said: I had to vent about Truth Is so I'll get to the rest in due time. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted January 14, 2018 Author Share Posted January 14, 2018 1 minute ago, Hiccup23 said: I'll say this: I'm more hopeful about Academy because I feel bad beating you down like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethan Hunt Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 2 minutes ago, cookie said: I'll say this: I'm more hopeful about Academy because I feel bad beating you down like this. Academy is good and all... but Hiccup has a legitimate masterpiece in late summer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hiccup23 Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 4 minutes ago, cookie said: I'll say this: I'm more hopeful about Academy because I feel bad beating you down like this. Hahaha well your opinion is your opinion! Maybe the third film can finally get decent reviews....third time is the charm right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted January 14, 2018 Author Share Posted January 14, 2018 (edited) 2 minutes ago, Hiccup23 said: Hahaha well your opinion is your opinion! Maybe the third film can finally get decent reviews....third time is the charm right? Cut out the filler and just go full trash. At least then it'd be a far more entertaining read. Edited January 14, 2018 by cookie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted January 16, 2018 Author Share Posted January 16, 2018 (edited) The Human Revolution I loved playing the original game on Wii U (Director's Cut version) so I walked into this with high expectations. Plus, Oscar Isaac as Adam Jensen? Sold! As a movie, while its slavishness to its source material is for the most part a positive there are some downsides, mostly that translating the game directly makes it flow a bit weird as a cinematic narrative. The first third is mainly Jensen being told to go to this place to find some clues, get back and have an office meeting, then go to another location and find some clues, maybe stealth-kill some folks and the occasional fist fight, rinse and repeat. The movie picks up once the action moves to Hengsha, and from there its filled with twists and turns (and an especially awesome segment in the Alice Garden Pods) and the occasionally amusing banter. That said once you think the movie is going to start moving on to its third act it decides to drag its heels for another 25-30 minutes with even more detours and exposition dumps, but once the third act finally does show up it wraps itself up in a very satisfying way. Even with some of the structural issues, the film is visually gorgeous and I like Jensen's interactions with the other characters (he and Malik are especially cute together) plus with Leitch's direction the action sequences are a real highlight. The technojargon and sometimes slow pace will not be for everyone, but it's a successful adaptation nonetheless for my money. B+ Bionicle: Trials of the Toa Since this is the first film of yours I'm reviewing @YourMother the Edgelord I'll welcome you to my little circle of hell by summing this one up in the form of a meme: This reminds me way too much of last year's Chrono Trigger, another adaptation that just throws it all out without doing much to develop the world or its characters. What saves this from being an absolute disaster like that one is that it doesn't cram a whole miniseries worth of ultimately perfunctory plot digressions into a two-hour running time without cutting or streamlining anything. That said, anyone who's not familiar with the Bionicle property are going to be totally lost, and that's not a good thing if you're looking a start a major franchise. On the positive side the cast is fairly impressive and some of Jackson's manic energy shines through in spots, but they are not enough to save this from being anything but mediocre. C- Edited January 16, 2018 by cookie 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YM! Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 4 minutes ago, cookie said: Bionicle: Trials of the Toa Since this is the first film of yours I'm reviewing @YourMother the Edgelord I'll welcome you to my little circle of hell by summing this one up in the form of a meme: This reminds me way too much of last year's Chrono Trigger, another adaptation that just throws it all out without doing much to develop the world or its characters. What saves this from being an absolute disaster like that one is that it doesn't cram a whole miniseries worth of ultimately perfunctory plot digressions into a two-hour running time without cutting or streamlining anything. That said, anyone who's not familiar with the Bionicle property are going to be totally lost, and that's not a good thing if you're looking a start a major franchise. On the positive side the cast is fairly impressive and some of Jackson's manic energy shines through in spots, but they are not enough to save this from being anything but mediocre. C- Yeah I should’ve worked on Bionicle more to be honest. On the bright side that dank meme warms my heart. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted January 16, 2018 Author Share Posted January 16, 2018 (edited) The Twenty-One Balloons It's cute in spots and I enjoyed the set up, but it does feel like it's dragging itself out even with the 90-minute runtime. Maybe it would have served better expanding the story and create genuine conflict for a more satisfying narrative. C+ Danger Calling Feels like a bargain bin DVD movie that somehow made it into theaters. I guess you could see it if you have moviepass and have nothing better to do, but that shouldn't be the bar. D+ The Call of the Revenant *alternate timeline me appears* Oh hey, it's you again. Do you really need to review this? It has a potentially entertaining setup but does jack shit with it. There. Done. O...kay? Maybe then you can explain to me how you're traveling between realities and why you need to tell me something I could've found out on my own? Because I've seen your reviews and I think you're an idiot. Bye. *leaves* Why is alternate timeline me always so rude? D+ Illusiono What. The. Fuck. To say this movie was written over a weekend would be a disservice to actual procrastinators. This reads like it was thought up on a napkin in five minutes with no consideration whatsoever. It's so baffling it's unintentionally hilarious, which given its Shyamalan is not unexpected but I really thought he'd have turned around by now. Also, worst fucking police ever. D- (but A for comedy value) Torrential The disaster scenes are a lot of fun to watch which helps elevate an otherwise shallow and generic script. Costner as the corrupt mayor doesn't get a lot to do other than being a coward although his demise is amusingly demented. B- Edited January 16, 2018 by cookie 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hiccup23 Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 Ugh....why do you do this to me? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted January 16, 2018 Author Share Posted January 16, 2018 2 minutes ago, Hiccup23 said: Ugh....why do you do this to me? It was a very entertaining read, I'll give you that. I'll get to reading Academy after breakfast. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 D+ for the win mofos Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hiccup23 Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 1 minute ago, cookie said: It was a very entertaining read, I'll give you that. I'll get to reading Academy after breakfast. I sit in great anticipation Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YM! Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 Just now, Rorschach said: D+ for the win mofos Talk back when you have a C- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 6 minutes ago, YourMother the Edgelord said: Talk back when you have a C- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted January 16, 2018 Author Share Posted January 16, 2018 (edited) Academy This is a real mixed bag. For every joke that works, there's always one that doesn't. That in itself wouldn't be a big deal but I agree with earlier complaints that it feels like an entire season of a show crammed into one movie for it goes on and on and on and on and geez for a 100-minute movie I was in the second half really wishing it just got to the damn point. But it is amusing to see just how far these kids will go in being absolutely repulsive and Jodie Foster steals the show whenever she's on (which unfortunately once it starts to drag isn't much). I'm going to be nice and say that while it's not great it's entertaining enough when it works. B- (but only by that much) Edited January 16, 2018 by cookie 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 No joke, Jodie Foster *might* show up on my best supporting actress ballot. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted January 16, 2018 Author Share Posted January 16, 2018 (edited) 6 minutes ago, The Shape of Pasta said: No joke, Jodie Foster *might* show up on my best supporting actress ballot. If the roster is weak this year I could think the same. She's funny but not Al Pacino in Blood and Fur funny. Edited January 16, 2018 by cookie 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted January 17, 2018 Author Share Posted January 17, 2018 Gonna do late March and April today then do actuals for the respective months. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted January 17, 2018 Author Share Posted January 17, 2018 (edited) Cello Why Red Crescent Pictures felt the need to trim this down for a PG-13 rating I don't know, maybe they don't want to directly compete with several other R-rated films on the market like Academy and On the Beach but the editing leaves a very noticeable mark on the finished product. I'm not sure what the idea was with the ending either, maybe it is part of the original but it doesn't really make any sense here. Some decent acting and sometimes effective spooks (even if the trimming dampens a lot of it) save this from being a total dud, but you really should wait for the unrated cut on DVD even though that should've been the theatrical release in the first place. C- The Knight I like Doug Liman. The first Bourne movie is pretty good, Mr. & Mrs. Smith isn't great but it is fun, sure Jumper was terrible but I won't hold him to that because Edge of Tomorrow was a bucket load of awesome (plus it got Emily Blunt doing that...thing. Yeah.). Really should've performed much better than it did. So here comes The Knight, screened early because it's getting a limited release a week before its wide one. How is it? It's fine. The action scenes are a lot of fun and the design of the big bad demon is pretty cool, but it unfortunately suffers from muted character development. It feels like they cut out 20-30 minutes that established a lot chemistry between Gyllenhaal and Knightley for it is shockingly lacking in the final product. I'm not sure how I feel about the end-of-second act turn it takes because of this. It has the upside of being unexpected and set up for a potentially gripping payoff, but since the pair lack the chemistry I don't really feel anything other than "well, I didn't see that coming" when it happens. I'm not really sure where I want to place this, I mean you'll have fun while watching it but it's not going to leave you with much afterwards. I guess that's good enough. B/B- Action Movie You pair up Key & Peele with Adam Sandler and Kevin James. That should grant you an F already for having the gall to do that but I'm going to be fair here... nah, this is pretty bad. Not only do you not even have the pairs interact with their respective partner at any point, they're just staggeringly unfunny. There's one joke that works (Professor Cringe telling jokes so bad they literally hurt people fits his name and who plays him) and the rest range from eye-rolling to disturbing (how old is John Everyman supposed to be? He's in high school, right? As if the prison scene wasn't uncomfortable enough). It's also overly long for a movie of this type. Why did this need to nearly be two hours? It barely even needed to be 90 minutes. Stay away, folks. Also I'm going to play @Xillix and say that the movie rips off one of the funnier parts of The Emperor's New Groove. It doesn't affect the rating because I'm not that pedantic but it's pretty blatant. D- Edited January 17, 2018 by cookie 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
