Spaghetti Kitchen - Year 2

[Ezen Baklattan]

MARCH

 

The Call of the Revenant - 

There are some decent thrills in here, but it can't help but shake off how ridiculous its premise inherently is.

 

Illusiono - 

The film starts poorly with some awkward acting and characterization, but picks up with some decent action scenes and cool effects....only to be undone by an even more awkward finale. 

 

Torrential - 

I have a soft spot for disaster movies (yes, I secretly enjoyed GEOSTORM) so this did the trick, even if it was a bit derivative. Costner should have gotten more scenery to chew as the corrupt mayor.

 

Academy - 

It's imperfect and probably far more convoluted than it should be, but it's still a fun enough premise that doesn't take itself too seriously and will let you have a bit of fun. And Jodie Foster was a hoot in this.

 

On the Beach - 

It does veer on the overlong side, and its bleakness does sometimes veer into sporadic melodrama, but it's still an atmospheric and blisteringly nihilistic ride that serves as a chilling reminder of the terror of nuclear war. (It's more of a 7.5 for me, but I commend its ambition enough to give it the higher mark.)

 

The Knight - 

There are some cool visuals in here, taking advantage of Cinerama, but The Knight's awkward story, especially in the final 20 minutes, as well as its fairly unengaging characters outside Kimber, don't quite cast the same spell.

 

Action Movie -

A lot of it's based on immature humor, and the jokes wear thin for its excessive run time, but it's definitely not without its laughs and its inspired moments.

 

 

[Xillix]

@The Shape of Pasta You're the second person to miss Cello >.>

[Ezen Baklattan]

Just now, Xillix said:

@The Shape of Pasta You're the second person to miss Cello >.>

Fuck....I had a review, must have deleted it. Either way, it gets a .

[Ezen Baklattan]

APRIL

 

The Screwtape Letters - 

An absolute dumpster fire of a movie. What should have been played as a wickedly dark comedy is played straight, and it becomes downright idiotic towards the last half hour. Don't be surprised to see this be in a triple feature with THE ROOM and BIRDEMIC.

 

Gorillas - 

A pleasant little nature doc with some good photography.

 

Skeleton Crew - 

Medical horror is definitely something I enjoy, and you know what? This did the trick. It was a bit messy towards the end, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy this one.

 

American Dragon: Jake Long - 

I definitely enjoyed the TV show a good bit as a kid, but this adaptation didn't quite do it justice. The characterization feels a bit weak (Jake doesn't trust Rose at the start, yet he tells her the identity of his grandfather? Uhh....) and I wish we could have seen more of the mythical world beyond one comic relief scene. It's no Last Airbender by any means, but I had somewhat higher hopes for it.

 

120 Days of Sodom - 

NO. NO. WHAT THE FUCK. HOW IS THIS NOT NC-17? HOW DID NEARLY 2000 THEATRES AGREE TO SHOW THIS? HOW DID I EVEN WATCH THIS? NO. I WANT TO DIE. FUCK THIS. NO. NO. NO.

 

Our City - 

....guess I'm the party pooper now. It's a pleasant little adventure with some cool world building, but it doesn't feel quite fresh enough and feels lacking in genuine conflict. And how the fuck are Zach Braff and Ben Foster voicing children? It's fun, if a little overhyped.

[Ezen Baklattan]

@cookie, @Hiccup23, @Xillix

 

May drops tomorrow.

[Ezen Baklattan]

MAY

 

The Towering Inferno - 

It does get a bit overstuffed and probably has more subplots and characters than necessary, but at its crux is a well acted and exciting thrill ride. One of my favorite movies of the year so far.

 

The Witch of Blackbird Pond - 

Much like THE CIRCLE, this early summer pick lacks an engaging conflict and doesn't really know what it's trying to say, but we can at least enjoy a good Emma Watson performance in the meanwhile.

 

Life After Death - 

Have you ever wondered what those victim-complex micro-budget Christian films would be like if they cost $120 million dollars? Even slambros wouldn't defend this piece of shit.

 

The Road to El Dorado - 

This was probably more of a 6.5/10, being a mostly shot for shot remake of the animated film up until the climax. It does get interesting with Cortes as a bigger villain, and it was fun to revisit this childhood favorite, but I'm not sure I'd recommend rushing out to see it if you're already familiar with the story.

 

 

[Rorschach]

June is next 

[cookie]

16 minutes ago, The Shape of Pasta said:

The Road to El Dorado - 

This was probably more of a 6.5/10, being a mostly shot for shot remake of the animated film up until the climax. It does get interesting with Cortes as a bigger villain, and it was fun to revisit this childhood favorite, but I'm not sure I'd recommend rushing out to see it if you're already familiar with the story.

 

 

Is it? Because everything after

 

 

Tulio finds out Miguel ignored his warnings is mostly different save the stone jaguar climax.

Edited January 17, 2018 by cookie

[Ezen Baklattan]

1 minute ago, cookie said:

Is it? Because everything after

 

 

  Hide contents

Tulio finds out Miguel ignored his warnings is mostly different save the jaguar chase.

 

I guess up until the climax was a bit much, but it was pretty identical for at least the first half.

[cookie]

3 minutes ago, The Shape of Pasta said:

I guess up until the climax was a bit much, but it was pretty identical for at least the first half.

In my small defense I find the first half of the original very solid so I kept mostly true to it save changes made to be tied back to later and it's after the point I mentioned that it kinda starts falling flat for me.

[Ezen Baklattan]

JUNE

 

Damnation Alley - 

There's a lot of pulpy fun to be had here, even if none of the characters really stand out as interesting or unique. Killing giant scorpions and driving crazy ass vehicles makes for cheesy fun time that you don't really care about the plot, so there is that.

 

From a Black Sky - 

Much of the interesting sci-fi aspects of it are eschewed for generic horror thrills, so it does leave a good bit to be desired.

 

Rise of the Dead - 

 

Anyone expecting anything other than generic zombie flair will be disappointed, but with a decently capable performance from Nicholas Hoult, as well as some interesting world building, it's definitely not without some fun moments. Still not enough to really recommend, though.

 

Lord of the Flies - 

A chilling, satisfying adaptation of the classic novel, featuring a killer performance from Nicholas Hamilton and razor sharp direction from Danny Boyle. It does veer towards being a little over the top and does end with a bit of a cop-out, but it'll definitely leave you with many thoughts after the credits roll.

 

The Odyssey: The Spoils of War - 

This has the potential to be a really excellent franchise, even if it's not *quite* there yet. Trying to fit in an abriged trojan war retelling (with some awkward time jumps) with the start of the titular journey created an awkward rhythm for the movie, and the story feels too spread thin for the characters to have a huge impact. However, the film is visually incredible with some dazzling cinematography, and Hugh Jackman delivers as Odysseus. That, and it's so damn fun to see Greek mythology unfold onscreen, even in a basic summary form. Hopefully the second and third installments can settle into their world and allow a tighter exploration of the world of greek mythology, but all told, this is not a bad start by any means. Keep it up, @Rorschach!

 

The Beach House - 

What could have been a fascinating study on toxic masculinity goes into a bone-headed, lame, and generally unrewarding horror film.

 

Fab 5 - 

There's a good number of fun jokes in here, but it's missing the spark of wit and heart that much of these actresses' other films had in spades.

[Ezen Baklattan]

My Top 10 of Y2 (So Far)

 

...excluding my films.

 

Spoiler

1. The Human Revolution
2. On the Beach
3. Lord of the Flies
4. The Odyssey: Spoils of War
5. The Towering Inferno
6. Our City
7. The Road to El Dorado
8. Skeleton Crew
9. Academy
10. Damnation Alley

[Ezen Baklattan]

July tomorrow. I *might* be able to be through the year by Sunday afternoon.

[Ezen Baklattan]

JULY

 

To The Moon - 

You may have noticed my comment in the Discussion thread regarding my shock this wasn't getting better reviews. While the video game esque narrative does sometimes bog things down a little, I'd honestly say it's the only thing keeping me from giving this a perfect score. This is an absolutely gorgeous (visually and thematically) tale built with careful craft and an adept heart, complete with an ending that will tear your heart out. If "For River" doesn't leave you sobbing inside the theater, then we can't be friends anymore.

 

The Film - 

So....asian horror remake fillers with 2k+ words seems to be your thing now, @Xillix? This was a decently fun ride that side steps a lot of bad cliches, but it's not something terribly memorable, not something I'd rush out to recommend.

 

Mermaid - 

Get past a one sided relationship where a high schooler's world is changed forever and he leaves his family for good....and it's passable family fare.

 

The Dark Victorian - 

What starts off as the Tim Burton-iest film on the planet turns into a complete mess of soapy melodrama by the film's final act, and you find it next to impossible to care about any of these characters. How did he follow up the masterful FLOWERS FOR ALGERNON with....this?!

[Ezen Baklattan]

AUGUST

 

56 Days of Love - 

Stating the obvious first, the POV gimmick is interesting, but feels a bit awkward in how it feels like much of the movie depends on us seeing Franks reaction and his performance, but it does make the ending bit interesting in his confusion, frustration, and heartbreak in having the relationship abruptly end. (This is also why the scene with Debra Messing is awkward and unecessary - I think there could be other ways to show Mark's internal conflict) Aside from that and a few story quibbles, it's an elegantly told and deeply heartfelt tale of first love, one as imperfect and messy as first love tends to be. I did think the homophobic dad, especially disappearing after the first hour, did feel a bit out of place and on the nose, though.

 

War of the Gods - 

An absolutely heavenly delight, and the year's second best film to date. The story may be a bit predictable, but it's nonetheless a riveting dive into Egyptian mythology that proves to be beautifully crafted, well performed, and all around entertaining. Idris Elba makes for another delightful villain as he did in Voltron, while Hounsou and Mackie also steal the show in their own ways. If last year was the summer of space operas, we're going to ancient mythology this summer. I'm certainly not complaining. 

 

Pokemon: The Journey Begins - 

The film being essentially an adaptation of the first part of the video game does lead to a bit of clunkiness in the more episodic telling of the story, but with a winning performance from Rice, and direction from Levy that captures the childhood joy of Pokemon, it's very reliable and nostalgic, if overlong, entertainment for the whole family.

 

Anthem - 

I'm definitely not a big fan of Rand's works, and this awkward and vague, not to mention thinly plotted and characterized, piece of otherwise good animation suffers on account of trying too hard to be uber artsy. Some moments feel inspired, but there's little to recommend here, sadly.

 

The Maid - 

A late summer horror film that manages to divert itself from the pack with some interesting commentary and a really disturbing finale.

 

My Side of the Mountain - 

This eco-venture does have some moments of fun, but it doesn't have too much else to offer.

 

Race Rage - 

It's a silly premise that peters out by the end, so the only thrill of being on the road will be the DVD found in gas station bargain bins off of the highway.

[Ezen Baklattan]

@Xillix I seem to have forgotten to review Ultraman. Expect that alongside September reviews tomorrow.

[Ezen Baklattan]

Ultraman - 

It's certainly pretty corny, not to mention predictable if oddly paced, but Ultraman does a decent job of playing to Michael Bay's strengths and creating a fun summer blockbuster.

 

September drops later tonight.

[Ezen Baklattan]

SEPTEMBER

 

Ta2ed Teenage Alien Fighters from Beverly Hills - 

This franchise is on complete give-no-fucks mode. It's enjoyably off the wall silly and doesn't give a single fuck about conventional movie standards. It's also absolutely hilarious and an absolute joy to watch, one maybe even better than the first.

 

Crash Bandicoot - 

 

First off, the short is cute, even if it never elicits a real laugh until the end. As for the movie, it's a fine ride, but it feels too much like a video game, and it has an incredibly forced 2nd act friendship destruction (They're in pretty much any kids movie, but here it's really awkward).

 

Flower Eyes and Needle Teeth - 

The premise is a bit too akin to They Live (except with less development and world building) and it kind of ends with a whimper, but for the most part, its a fascinating, unsettling psychological thriller with a great performance from Ansel Elgort.

 

Chaperones - 

A toothless, forgettable fare that utterly wastes the talents of Carrell and Fey and resorts to the dull R-rated comedy stereotypes I'm oh so tired of.

 

Blank - 

This was my favorite film of its respective release year in CAYOM 2.0, so @4815162342 shouldn't be surprised by this high mark. It's a deliriously fun crime ride with a unique concept and wonderfully acted - and sharply witty - execution.

 

Penny Press - 

It starts out with an interesting, heartfelt premise, but never introduces any form of interesting conflict beyond the beginning, and the sentimentality of it is enough to give any Hallmark Christmas movie a run for its money.

[Ezen Baklattan]

Me remembering how long Amityville was:

 

 

....MIGHT be able to plow through everything else in October tonight.

[YM!]

13 minutes ago, The Shape of Pasta said:

Crash Bandicoot - 

 

First off, the short is cute, even if it never elicits a real laugh until the end. As for the movie, it's a fine ride, but it feels too much like a video game, and it has an incredibly forced 2nd act friendship destruction (They're in pretty much any kids movie, but here it's really awkward).

I’ll take it.