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Blankments' Review Thread

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    Hey, this will be my review thread. I'll be doing really short reviews, because when I see new movies, the biggest review you see out of me are my facebook statuses. I'll do each month at a time, with a "Facebook status" review followed by a score out of ten.

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    January:

    4-6 January:

    House on the Hills: 0.5/10

    House on the Hills was terrible. All the characters were idiots and none of them could act. Terrible ending too.

    11-13 January:

    Ninja 3D: 4/10

    Ninja 3D had okay action, good use of the small budget and the 3D was great... during the action scenes. Outside of the action scenes, the 3D was terrible, along with the acting and writing.

    18-21 January:

    My Winter Retreat 2: 0/10

    I never saw the first Winter Retreat, but the new one is terrible. I need the last two hours of my life back, as I just spent 46 minutes mourning the loss of $7.50.

    On the Loose: 6/10

    On the Loose is a fun action movie that will be forgotten by the end of the year. Gerard Butler was a highlight though.

    25-27 January:

    Lifeguards: 3/10

    I have no idea how and why this film was made. One of the worst scripts of a romantic comedy ever, but Jane Lynch elevated the film during her brief screentime. Wait to watch her scenes alone on Youtube as the rest of the film is painful.

    Carnival: 0.5/10

    Carnival is a terrible film, but it at least has an ending.

    Month Ranking

    1. On the Loose

    2. Ninja 3D

    3. Lifeguards

    4. Carnival

    5. House on the Hills

    6. My Winter Retreat 2

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    My Winter Retreat 2: 0/10

    I never saw the first Winter Retreat, but the new one is terrible. I need the last two hours of my life back, as I just spent 46 minutes mourning the loss of $7.50.

    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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    February:

    1-3 February:

    Horror at the Superbowl: 7/10

    Horror at the Superbowl was exactly what I thought it’d be; a cheesy action movie that’s lots of fun. Quaid and Jackson have great chemistry, and their banter will make this film a cult classic. First must-see of the year.

    Paranormal lamronaraP: 4.5/10

    Paranormal Palindrome is an average horror movie with below average acting. The ending screamed sequel to me, unfortunately.

    8-10 February:

    Midnight Part II: Turning Point: 6/10

    Never saw the original, but Midnight Part II is really really really terrible. HOWEVER, it is worth seeing Anton Yelchin, Daniel Radcliffe, Ellen Page, and James Franco throw their careers in the toilet, clog said toilet, and throw in the plunger of Will Smith to finally flush the toilet. Not a must-see, but a great film for MST3King.

    Barefoot on Everest: 8/10

    Barefoot on Everest has a decent story carried by Guy Pearce’s great acting and gorgeous cinematography. Fantastic film.

    15-18 February:

    The Haunting in Wisconsin: 2/10

    The Haunting in Wisconsin has no right to be terrible with two fantastic directors behind it, but yet it is. Anton Yelchin needs to pick better roles with two bombs in a row.

    The Rescue: 5/10

    The Rescue is typical average Nicholas Sparks romance. Pass.

    22-24 February:

    Animal Farm: 7/10

    Animal Farm has beautiful animation and is currently the best adaptation of the novel. I feel as though the PG rating was holding it back though along with the terrible casting of Jonah Hill. The heavy-handiness of the message will limit its audience I fear as well.

    Blue Heart: 8.5/10

    Blue Heart shows Tartakovsky has done it again. Best film of the year so far, although I wonder why Tartakovsky didn’t just do a more marketable action animation. This was clearly a labor of love either way.

    Month Ranking

    1. Blue Heart

    2. Barefoot on Everest

    3. Horror at the Superbowl

    4. Animal Farm

    5. Midnight Part II: Turning Point

    6. The Rescue

    7. Paranormal lamronaraP

    8. The Haunting in Wisconsin

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    March:

    1-3 March:

    Wolves of the Deep: 6.5/10

    Wolves of the Deep is an average Liam Neeson action movie, which is above average every other action movie. Script could’ve used some more work along with the actors besides Neeson.

    8-10 March:

    The Last Projectionist: 7.5/10

    The Last Projectionist was a decent film, but one that could’ve been so much better. Jay Baruchel should’ve been the main character, and the ending was extremely anticlimatic. It is worth seeing though.

    Green Eggs and Ham: 0/10

    Green Eggs and Ham is terrible. Worse than The Lorax. Do not see this movie here, there, or anywhere.

    15-17 March:

    Prodigy: 9/10

    Prodigy is the best film of the year so far. It doesn’t feel like an Andrew Stanton film, but it’s very good. Gosling and Elba deserves Oscar noms for their performances.

    Drive-in opened tonight! Went to a double feature of Prodigy and Divergent, both of which were even better the second time! Yay original sci-fi!

    Barco de Oro: 3.5/10

    Barco de Oro has a typical good performance by Bardem, but the script is lacking and is ultimately too quirky for its own good.

    22-24 March:

    Sam and Max Hit the Road: 8.5/10

    Although I don’t think Sam and Max will be a hit, it’s a charming film with witty writing, beautiful animation, and great voice acting that ultimately leaves me wanting a sequel.

    Agent McCoy: 5/10

    Agent McCoy is a perfectly okay movie, but why would you want to see it when Sam and Max, Prodigy, and The Last Projectionist is out?

    29-31 March:

    Divergent: 9/10

    Divergent is a fantastic film, with great acting, a thrilling script, and good action. This and Prodigy show that just because it’s an action movie doesn’t mean it can’t be creative and thought-provoking.

    Drive-in opened tonight! Went to a double feature of Prodigy and Divergent, both of which were even better the second time! Yay original sci-fi!

    Monthly Ranking

    1. Prodigy

    2. Divergent

    3. Sam and Max Hit the Road

    4. The Last Projectionist

    5. Wolves of the Deep

    6. Agent McCoy

    7. Barco de Oro

    8. Green Eggs and Ham

    Edited by Blankments
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    April:

    5-7 April:

    Wall of Water: 2/10

    Wall of Water is a generic disaster movie that is too short to develop its characters. However, considering what we do see of the characters, I'm not sure I'd want them to be developed.

    Beware of Zombies: 4.5/10

    Beware of Zombies is okay, but the bizarre semi-romantic arc of Portman and Cera’s character pretty much destroys all goodwill towards it. Some decent laughs though.

    51: 0/10

    51 is so bad, it probably took off 51 days of my lifespan.

    12-14 April:

    Tornado: 5.5/10

    Tornado is a typically average action movie elevated by the cool tornado 3D visuals. I’m just happy they didn’t convert Twister to 3D.

    The Untold Story of Hansel and Gretel: 6/10

    The Untold Story of Hansel and Gretel is a pretty forgettable animated film. If they had bothered to get some actual talent for the voices, the lighthearted script may have stood up better.

    19-21 April:

    The Man and His Hat: 4/10

    The Man and His Hat is overly long generic lower-tier Tim Burton. I have no doubt the public will love it, but I wish Andrew Garfield and Benedict Cumberbach hadn’t degraded themselves to this poor film.

    Jungles: 1.5/10

    Jungles is okay, but ultimately gives me a feeling of been-there, done-that.

    26-28 April:

    Vault Break: 9/10

    Vault Break confirms my duel mancrushes on Brad Bird and Jeremy Renner. The slickest action movie of the year, Brad Bird proves once again he’s one of the best director/writers currently working. The supporting cast is great too, making this sure to be a summer sleeper.

    Stacy’s Mom Has Got it Going On: 7.5/10

    Stacy’s Mom Has Got it Going On is the movie I’ve never wanted for so long. However, the sharp script and great cast would give this movie sleeper potential if it wasn’t released right before summer.

    Monthly Ranking

    1. Vault Break

    2. Stacy’s Mom Has Got It Goin’ On

    3. The Untold Story of Hansel and Gretel

    4. Tornado

    5. Beware of Zombies

    6. The Man and His Hat

    7. Wall of Water

    8. Jungles

    9. 51

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    May:

    3-5 May:

    Genesis: 10/10

    Genesis is a fantastic original sci-fi and a beautifully shot film. The best ensemble of the year so far, and the tightest and most thrilling script. Although it does dabble in a few clichés, the film overall is just plain good. Scott, Cameron, Nolan will need to watch out with Caruso delivering something as good as this.

    Second time with Genesis in two days; this time at the drive-in. This film really does stand up, and is a must-see not just for the year, but for film in general. Vault Break was great again too.

    I decided to spend my Memorial Day with the best movie currently out; Genesis. SO GOOD.

    Was Kilroy Here?: 8/10

    Was Kilroy Here? is a fine film, but never tries to be more than simply above average. Still worth seeing though.

    10-12 May:

    Karate Kong: 8.5/10

    Karate Kong is the first film of the year with real childhood magic. Although a simple tale, it’s told well enough for me to call it the best animated movie of the year so far and to want a sequel. I just oddly wish this was a musical.

    Tyler Perry’s Madea Mother’s Day: 1/10

    Madea Mother’s Day is typical Tyler Perry crap. I’m just waiting for Madea Goes to Hell.

    17-19 May:

    Salvation: 8/10

    Salvation is fun popcorn entertainment that Spielberg is known for. I just wish it could’ve been a bit more than that.

    24-27 May:

    Interconnected: Culmination: 8/10

    Interconnected: Culmination is a good film and continues Ryan Gosling’s great choices in roles. However, it’s just that: a good film.

    31 May – 2 June:

    The Coming Storm: 9/10

    The Coming Storm is a fantastic historical epic with great acting and a terrific ensemble. The only flaw is personal preference among genres, but if you like these type of films, The Coming Storm is the best in a while.

    Monthly Ranking

    1. Genesis

    2. The Coming Storm

    3. Karate Kong

    4. Was Kilroy Here?

    5. Interconnected: Culmination

    6. Salvation

    7. Tyler Perry’s Madea Mother’s Day

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    June:

    7-9 June:

    Ag3nts: 7.5/10

    Ag3nts has one of the worst titles in recent years, but manages to be a fun action animation, if a bit kiddie.

    14-16 June:

    Voyage to Atlantis: 6.5/10

    Voyage to Atlantis is a generic adventure flick saved from mediocrity by Will Smith. He saves this movie, both in quality and in probably box office.

    Kill that Director!: 8.5/10

    Kill that Director! had some really terrible trailers, but the actual film is the most surprisingly funny movie of the year. Go see it for a lot of laughs.

    21-23 June:

    Legend of the Red Dragon: 7/10

    Legend of the Red Dragon takes its subject matter too seriously, but overall is saved by good acting, great effects and a well-paced story.

    Consciousness Slip: 8/10

    Consciousness Slip is horribly paced and the casting of Hailee Steinfield is bizarre at the best points, it’s saved by the performances, the creative art direction, and some great action. A good hard sci-fi that won’t become a classic.

    28-30 June:

    Bobby: 8.5/10

    Bobby is an extremely well-done film almost ruined by the acting. The overall script, animation, and themes save it though, and make another great animated film from this year.

    Nadia: The Perfect 10: 8.5/10

    Nadia: The Perfect is a good biopic that I fear will be forgotten come Oscar time. Terrible release time.

    Monthly Ranking

    1. Nadia: The Perfect

    2. Bobby

    3. Kill that Director!

    4. Consciousness Slip

    5. Ag3nts

    6. Legend of the Red Dragon

    7. Voyage to Atlantis

    Month Averages, Part 1

    January: 2.3

    February: 6

    March: 6.1

    April: 4.4

    May: 7.5

    June: 7.8

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