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Blank's FB Reviews, Year 4!

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January:

January 3-5:

Call Me Maybe: 0.5/10

Call Me Maybe comes off more as a South Park episode parodying the song, than a legitimate movie. It’s rarely funny.

January 10-12:

Maz3: 0/10

Maz3 is torture porn at its worst. I spent the entire movie with my eyes closed and confused on why had a number in its title while it wasn’t a sequel.

The Homestarmy Invades: 7.5/10

The Homestarmy Invades is a very welcome return to the characters. However, for the huge wait for the return, we don’t really spend much time with them. I just wish it was longer.

January 17-19:

Sasquatch 3D: 5/10

Sasquatch 3D is an average family film that you’ve seen multiple times already.

The Immune: 7/10

The Immune is a good action movie, with an excellent performance by Ryan Gosling. However, so much more could be done with the interesting premise, which makes the film feel disappointing.

January 24-26:

A Stark Night: 7/10

A Stark Night is a loving tribute to the Batman movie franchises in the past, held together by the funny in-jokes and nice cameos. The only major flaw is the very poorly shot action.

January 31-February 2:

Columbine: 6/10

Columbine has some good acting, but the fact that someone made a found-footage movie out of a real national tragedy ruins most enjoyment for this movie.

Lady Gaga: Born This Way 3D: 6.5/10

Lady Gaga: Born This Way 3D is a good concert film with some great 3D cinematography. However, if you don’t like her music, you definitely won’t like this movie.

Month Ranking

1. The Homestarmy Invades

2. The Immune

3. A Stark Night

4. Lady Gaga: Born This Way 3D

5. Columbine

6. Sasquatch 3D

7. Call Me Maybe

8. Maz3

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February:

February 7-9:

Bone – Vernal Equinox: 8/10

Bone – Vernal Equinox is the first animated movie in a while to fully take me to a different world. The animation is great, the voice acting’s really well done, and the action scenes are breathtaking to behold.

Madea’s Valentine: 1/10

Madea’s Valentine is terrible as every Madea movie. However, I do have to applaud the decision not to have Madea find a boyfriend. That would’ve been adding a cliché stew to this terrible hunk of lard.

Unbalanced: 7/10

Unbalanced freaked me out. It’s seriously scary, but in a good way, not ever becoming torture porn. Seriously freaked me out.

February 14-17:

Pokemon: Rise of the Rockets: 8.5/10

Pokemon: Rise of the Rockets is an entertaining sequel that manages to both expand the world of the original movie, and add in more interesting battles for more of a visual feast.

Forever Yours: 7.5/10

Forever Yours has one great segment set in the 60s and 70s, and just average segments in the other time periods it covers. Overall though, the movie is definitely worth your time, and the best romance of the year so far. The ending is a true tear-jerker.

February 21-23:

Six Souls 3D: 0/10

Six Souls 3D offended me because it was so terrible. It should be a crime to see this movie.

Army of Two: 6.5/10

Army of Two has a terrible script, but decent acting and action keep the film from being a waste of time.

February 28-March 2:

Phone Conversations with Mother: 7/10

Phone Conversations with Mother is a decent comedy with a great cast. The only issue is that Jim Parsons essentially plays himself.

City of Darkness: 6/10

City of Darkness has phenomenal action... and not much else.

Month Ranking

1. Pokemon: Rise of the Rockets

2. Bone - Vernal Equinox

3. Forever Yours

4. Unbalanced

5. Phone Conversations with Mother

6. Army of Two

7. City of Darkness

8. Madea's Valentine

9. Six Souls 3D

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March:

March 7-9:

The 39 Steps: 6.5/10

The 39 Steps is a funny movie anchored by the greatness that is Simon Pegg, but it unfortunately cannot decide to parody or homage the Hitchcock classic.

The Conondrum: 7.5/10

The Conondrum is a cute family sci-fi, with interesting time travel mechanics, and a hilarious Sacha Baron Cohen.

March 14-16:

Dawn of Souls II: Rebirth: 7/10

Dawn of Souls II is a decent sequel that grows the world in creative ways. However, it disappoints, since the original was a lot better.

On the Set: 8.5/10

On the Set is an intriguing documentary expertly directed by Steven Soderbergh.

March 21-23:

Sylvarius: 9/10

Sylvarius isn’t really my type of movie, but I can recognize the beautiful animation, the great voice acting, and the overall excellent sharp script. Definitely worth seeing, and the best animated movie of the year so far.

The Lost Planet of the Shrieking Creature: 7/10

Lost Planet is a funny horror and sci-fi spoof, and Christopher Lloyd makes a great return to form as a sci-fi villain. However, it is far, far, too short.

March 28-30:

Illusiono 2: 5/10

Illusiono 2 has a lot of interesting ideas but a lot of failures as well. Overall, it averages out to be perfectly average.

Month Ranking

1. Sylvarius

2. On the Set

3. The Conondrum

4. The Lost Planet of the Shrieking Creature

5. Dawn of Souls II: Rebirth

6. The 39 Steps

7. Illusiono 2

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April:

April 4-6:

Weird Al Yankovic: Insert Title Here in 2-D: 6.5/10

Weird Al is slightly better than recent concert films, but not by much. The jokes are overdone, and only a few songs are really worth it.

Mermaid: 3/10

Mermaid has a terrible moral, bad acting, and completely unnecessary 3D. Avoid like it like the plague.

April 11-13:

Best Friends Forever: 8.5/10

Best Friends Forever succeeds where Columbine failed. A disturbingly realistic story makes this an early Oscar contender, especially by the chilling performance by AnnaSophia Robb.

Decker: 3.5/10

Decker is an embarrassing movie for everyone involved, with its dumbed-down story and the waste of the vocal talent involved.

April 18-20:

Paranoia 2: 6/10

Paranoia 2 is an okay horror movie, if you’re into that sort of thing. I’m not though.

April 25-27:

Death of a Strawberry: 6.5/10

Death of a Strawberry is very similar to Decker. They both have terribly dumbed-down stories and a waste of the talent. However, Strawberry does not waste a certain Jim Carrey, who managed to salvage the film to be still worth seeing.

Service: 2/10

Service: Why, Ricky Geravis? Why such a cliché comedy from you? We deserve better.

Month Ranking

1. Best Friends Forever

2. Death of a Strawberry

3. Weird Al Yankovic: Insert Title Here in 2-D

4. Paranoia 2

5. Decker

6. Mermaid

7. Service

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Best Friends Forever: 8.5/10

Best Friends Forever succeeds where Columbine failed. A disturbingly realistic story makes this an early Oscar contender, especially by the chilling performance by AnnaSophia Robb.

That's gotten really good reviews from you and Hiccup. Maybe I could push Robb for BSA.
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May:

May 2-4:

Divisions: 9/10

Divisions is a fantastic sci-fi with daring twists and turns in the story lead by the star-studded cast. However, the dark tone makes me believe that Abrams was holding back from an R-rated sci-fi.

May 9-11:

The Flash: 8.5/10

The Flash is a fun start for the superhero movies of the year, with its fun tone with the brilliant casting of Bradley Cooper. Great time.

May 13-15:

Call of Duty: Of Their Own Accord: 7/10

Call of Duty: Of Their Own Accord has good action and decent acting, but it is not as good as the original film.

May 20-26

Once Upon a Mattress: 8.5/10

Once Upon a Mattress is a quirky little musical with great performances and catchy songs. Plus, it’s a major film with David Tennant, which automatically gets it some respect points. Certain be a sleeper hit, I hope it gets major representation at the Oscars.

Battle: Mars 3D: 5/10

Battle: Mars is a painfully average movie with mediocre 3D and forgettable acting.

Bohemian: 7/10

Bohemian is Spike Jonze’s long awaited return to making an adult film. It is kind of a letdown, thanks to Charlie Kaufman not writing the script, but it is held up by good performances and some extremely cool scenes.

May 30-June 1

Our City: 8/10

Our City is an incredibly interesting movie, leaving you guessing where the story is going to go. It also has great voice acting, and some absolutely stunning animation. However, it is sometimes too artsy for its own good.

Month Ranking

1. Divisions

2. Once Upon a Mattress

3. The Flash

4. Our City

5. Call of Duty: Of Their Own Accord

6. Bohemian

7. Battle: Mars 3D

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Thanks for the awesome Divisions review. I was considering making it R, but it's opening the first week of May, and it's definitely not wise to put a R rated movie at the beginning of May. Would anyone be interested in an R-Rated Redux next year? :P:lol:

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Thanks for the awesome Divisions review. I was considering making it R, but it's opening the first week of May, and it's definitely not wise to put a R rated movie at the beginning of May. Would anyone be interested in an R-Rated Redux next year? :P:lol:

Honestly, I would've moved it from the first week of May and made it R. Definitely felt like it was holding back, and if it was R-rated, I'd have given it a higher score (9.5-1.0)
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June:

June 6-8:

Midnight: Children of the Damned: 4/10

Midnight: Children of the Damned is yet another terrible film in the Midnight franchise. The franchise was dead on arrival, stop making it a zombie.

June 13-15:

Taking Names: 8.5/10

Taking Names may be a little close to Tropic Thunder, but the movie overall triumphs in being the funniest comedy of the year, thanks to hilarious jokes, great chemistry between Tatum and Harrelson, and an overall fun time.

June 20-22:

Booster Gold: 8.5/10

Booster Gold is even better than The Flash, having a more unique structure to the film, and adding an intriguing sci-fi angle to the new DCU.

Giant Spiders: 7/10

Giant Spiders manages to be a very funny, very violent B-movie, and not much else.

June 27-29:

Rivals: The Abyss: 5/10

Rivals: The Abyss is a soulless, mediocre sequel, completely missing the magic of the original film.

Spark: 9.5/10

Sylvarius seemed to set an impossibly high bar for this year’s animation offerings. That bar has been passed. The creators of Avatar: The Last Airbender, not to be outdone by two other attempts to bring a live-action adaptation of their series to the big screen, make their premiere film debut with Spark, a phenomenal sci-fi film in general. The action’s great, the animation is gorgeous, the score is the best of the year, and the writing is pretty good too. The only flaw is the lead voice-actor, voiced by David Faustino, who played the terrible Mako in the Legend of Korra, but does an merely adequate job here. Either way, this is a great year for action animation films!

Month Ranking

1. Spark

2. Taking Names

3. Booster Gold

4. Giant Spiders

5. Rivals: The Abyss

6. Midnight: Children of the Damned

Monthly Averages

January: 4.9

February: 5.7

March: 7.2

April: 5.1

May: 7.6

June: 7.1

Top Ten Movies of the First Half of Year 4

10. Pokemon: Rise of the Rockets

9. The Flash

8. Once Upon a Mattress

7. Booster Gold

6. Best Friends Forever

5. On the Set

4. Taking Names

3. Sylvarius

2. Divisions

1. Spark

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July:

July 4-6:

Pippi Longstocking: 1.5/10

Pippi Longstocking is oddly a Spike Jonze movie with zero creativity and with straight-forward storytelling. Terrible.

Nirvana: 9/10

Nirvana does a great job with its fascinating story and character work, and it has great action. Crowe turns in a particularly great performance, along with Fiennes, who is making this his best summer yet. Overall, the cast is great, and Spielberg has done yet another great film. The only issue I had with it was the score. Although Zimmer turned in a decent score, I couldn’t help but wonder how much better a John Williams score would’ve been.

July 11-13:

The Suicide King: 6.5/10

The Suicide King is a decent comedy, but one has to wonder why Apatow held back and made it a PG-13. The comedy felt restrained several points in the movie.

Jane and Tony: 6.5/10

Portman and Jones both give performances making this worth seeing, but the film is overlong and has a terrible script.

July 18-20:

The Last Six: 9/10

Although The Last Six has an abundance of exposition, it has jaw-dropping action, gorgeous visual effects, great acting, and a decent script. Brad Bird has done it again.

July 25-27:

Comedians: 8/10

Although the use of actors playing themselves becomes annoying, Comedians triumphs, thanks to a funny script and a great ensemble cast led by Tom Cruise, who deserves an Oscar nomination for his hilarious reprisal of Les Grossman.

Cruisers: 5/10

Cruisers is cliché and forgettable, but one could do much worse than seeing this movie.

Month Ranking

1. Nirvana

2. The Last Six

3. Comedians

4. Jane and Tony

5. The Suicide King

6. Cruisers

7. Pippi Longstocking

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August:

August 1-3:

Island of the Blue Dolphins: 4.5/10

Island of the Blue Dolphins is generic and very, very forgettable.

Morgan Spurlock’s Shut Up and Take My Memes: 7/10

Once you get past his huge ego, Morgan Spurlock’s latest is an interesting, entertaining documentary.

August 8-10:

Summer Jobs: 4.5/10

Summer Jobs is a mediocre teen comedy that manages to disappoint the low expectations I had for it.

The Glass Castle: 9/10

The Glass Castle is a beautifully tragic painting of poverty, with great acting, a phenomenal script, and a true tear-jerker.

August 15-17:

Martian Manhunter: 8/10

Martian Manhunter may not be as good as the other superhero films this year, but it’s still worth seeing for its great effects, beautiful cinematography, and a star performance from Channing Tatum.

August 22-24:

Breakout Character: 7.5/10

Breakout Character is a funny comedy with a great cast, but the musical part of the film is forced and almost ruins it all.

August 29-September 1:

Knights of the Lunch Table: 7/10

Knights of the Lunch Table is cute, funny, and is a fun take on the Arthurian legends.

Student Film: 8.5/10

Student Film is a fantastic dramedy, with a great script and high-tier acting from the leads. It doesn’t help that the main character also reminds me of myself.

Remember Flight 175: 4/10

Remember Flight 175 has good performances and nice direction. However, the film offends in its blatant emotion manipulation that makes me want this one to be avoided.

Grunge: 6/10

Grunge is a decent documentary, but if you aren’t interested in the subject matter, this film sure won’t make you.

Month Ranking

1. The Glass Castle

2. Student Film

3. Martian Manhunter

4. Breakout Character

5. Knights of the Lunch Table

6. Morgan Spurlock's Shut Up and Take My Memes

7. Grunge

8. Island of the Blue Dolphins

9. Summer Jobs

10. Remember Flight 175

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September:

September 12-14:

Invaders Must Die!: The Tale of Doogie Rounds: 6.5/10

Adam McKay returns to his infamous “The ____ of Main Character” roots with Invaders Must Die!. While the two leads do give a good performance, the material is sadly not up to par.

September 19-21:

Lake of the Psychopaths: 0.5/10

Lake of the Psychopaths proves that if any genre needs to die, it’s the horror film.

Duck in Space: 5.5/10

Duck in Space has a decent vocal performance by Zach Galifianakis, but ultimately does nothing for the genre.

September 26-28:

LoveBytes: 8/10

LoveBytes is an interesting examination of online relationships, and the ensemble cast holds incredibly well. Unfortunately, the story does fall to clichés at points.

Prisoners: 5/10

Prisoners isn’t as bad as it should be, but you still shouldn’t go see it.

Tomb Raider: 7.5/10

Tomb Raider has a great performance by Jennifer Lawrence, but sadly, it feels like a great movie for the first half, and just an average movie for the second half.

Month Ranking

1. LoveBytes

2. Tomb Raider

3. Invaders Must Die!: The Tale of Doogie Rounds

4. Duck in Space

5. Prisoners

6. Lake of the Psychopaths

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October:

October 3-5:

The Good Die Young: 9.5/10

The Good Die Young is a great character drama, and has fantastic action scenes. The ensemble cast is surprisingly strong, and Martin Scorsese delivers a powerful story with his legendary directing.

The Flowers of Arvika: 8.5/10

Flowers is an interesting movie with an intriguing plot and great performances by the two leads. Definitely an Oscar contender.

October 10-12:

The Simulation: 8/10

Another addition to the “lack of free will” sub-genre, The Simulation works thanks to Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Duncan Jones genius collaboration, along with the thrilling script.

Hope-Fear-Adventure: 4/10

Hope-Fear-Adventure is a blatant remake of Where the Wild Things Are that is too dark for kids, and too boring for adults. Spike Jonze must have ghost-directed this and Pippi Longstocking.

October 17-19:

The 13th Night IV: Vengeance of Hell: 1/10

Why was this made? The last movie failed, and this sure doesn’t improve the quality of the franchise.

October 24-26:

The Party Party: 8/10

Although its premise is idiotic, The Party Party is hilarious thanks to the strong political satire in the script, and the very funny ensemble led by Robert Downey, Jr. and Will Smith.

Silence! Part 2: The Revenge: 0.5/10

Silence! Part 2 manages to be worse than last week’s horror movie. Hopefully the Vast Dark rescues us from this horror failure next week.

October 31-November 2:

The Vast Dark Part III: The Execution: 0/10

I was wrong, somehow The Vast Dark 3 completely ruins the good franchise beforehand. It’s just terrible.

Defiance: 6/10

Defiance has good action, but the story, acting, and characters are quite lacking.

Month Ranking

1. The Good Die Young

2. The Flowers of Arvika

3. The Party Party

4. The Simulation

5. Defiance

6. Hope-Fear-Adventure

7. The 13th Night IV: Vengeance of Hell

8. Silence! Part 2: The Revenge

9. The Vast Dark Part III: The Execution

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