Saving Christmas (2014)

[K1stpierre]

Discuss

[The Panda]

This movie brings up a very solid point about where we are placing our values.  In Kirk Cameron we trust.  A+

[Blankments]

I don't even know how to describe this. I don't know if it even qualifies as a movie. It has ridiculous amounts of filler to fit the 80 minute runtime needed to release in theaters. I'm not even going to write a review, I'll just tell you highlights of the movie:

 

- a scene set in the 300s has a fight with Kirk Cameron as St. Nick beating up a fat guy with a cane set to dubstep, followed up by St. Kirk giving out toys giddily

- the film opens with Kirk talking to the audience and saying that he really loves hot cocoa. This goes for about ten minutes until the opening logos arrive

- the film is a bizarre mix of theological documentary and Christmas sentimentality

- there's a scene in the middle of the movie that's never acknowledged again where someone claims Santa is trying to take Fox News off the airwaves

- the "Scrooge" of the movie, when he reaches his epiphany, literally belly slides into the house in slow motion to get a better view of the presents

- Narrator Kirk says that the "Scrooge" would typically kiss his wife at the end of the movie, but they like to keep things unexpected. Thus, "Scrooge" screams "Let's breakdance!" and something sounding like a Skrillex remix of Hark the Harold Angel Sing starts playing as every extra in the movie gets a dance solo in a sequence that last seven minutes with no hint of irony.

- the credits themselves are padded, as they are full of the shots used in the movie in slowmotion shown in regular motion. And there are a lot of slow motion shots.

 

There's a lot more I didn't get into but this movie is just bizarre. It makes The Identical look like There Will Be Blood, but compared to Left Behind, this is enjoyable for the sheer lunacy of the product. I'll give it a C

[Empire]

I don't even know how to describe this. I don't know if it even qualifies as a movie. It has ridiculous amounts of filler to fit the 80 minute runtime needed to release in theaters. I'm not even going to write a review, I'll just tell you highlights of the movie:

 

- a scene set in the 300s has a fight with Kirk Cameron as St. Nick beating up a fat guy with a cane set to dubstep, followed up by St. Kirk giving out toys giddily

- the film opens with Kirk talking to the audience and saying that he really loves hot cocoa. This goes for about ten minutes until the opening logos arrive

- the film is a bizarre mix of theological documentary and Christmas sentimentality

- there's a scene in the middle of the movie that's never acknowledged again where someone claims Santa is trying to take Fox News off the airwaves

- the "Scrooge" of the movie, when he reaches his epiphany, literally belly slides into the house in slow motion to get a better view of the presents

- Narrator Kirk says that the "Scrooge" would typically kiss his wife at the end of the movie, but they like to keep things unexpected. Thus, "Scrooge" screams "Let's breakdance!" and something sounding like a Skrillex remix of Hark the Harold Angel Sing starts playing as every extra in the movie gets a dance solo in a sequence that last seven minutes with no hint of irony.

- the credits themselves are padded, as they are full of the shots used in the movie in slowmotion shown in regular motion. And there are a lot of slow motion shots.

 

There's a lot more I didn't get into but this movie is just bizarre. It makes The Identical look like There Will Be Blood, but compared to Left Behind, this is enjoyable for the sheer lunacy of the product. I'll give it a C

This sounds really bad.

[Blankments]

Oh, one important comment I forgot to mention: they didn't even shoot this with any camera stabilizer. Any scene where the camera isn't obviously set on something is uber-shakey in an obviously unintentional way

[Alpha]

I don't even know how to describe this. I don't know if it even qualifies as a movie. It has ridiculous amounts of filler to fit the 80 minute runtime needed to release in theaters. I'm not even going to write a review, I'll just tell you highlights of the movie:

 

- a scene set in the 300s has a fight with Kirk Cameron as St. Nick beating up a fat guy with a cane set to dubstep, followed up by St. Kirk giving out toys giddily

- the film opens with Kirk talking to the audience and saying that he really loves hot cocoa. This goes for about ten minutes until the opening logos arrive

- the film is a bizarre mix of theological documentary and Christmas sentimentality

- there's a scene in the middle of the movie that's never acknowledged again where someone claims Santa is trying to take Fox News off the airwaves

- the "Scrooge" of the movie, when he reaches his epiphany, literally belly slides into the house in slow motion to get a better view of the presents

- Narrator Kirk says that the "Scrooge" would typically kiss his wife at the end of the movie, but they like to keep things unexpected. Thus, "Scrooge" screams "Let's breakdance!" and something sounding like a Skrillex remix of Hark the Harold Angel Sing starts playing as every extra in the movie gets a dance solo in a sequence that last seven minutes with no hint of irony.

- the credits themselves are padded, as they are full of the shots used in the movie in slowmotion shown in regular motion. And there are a lot of slow motion shots.

 

There's a lot more I didn't get into but this movie is just bizarre. It makes The Identical look like There Will Be Blood, but compared to Left Behind, this is enjoyable for the sheer lunacy of the product. I'll give it a C

 

Never thought I'd say this, but I definitely need to see Saving Christmas.

[bcf26]

I don't even know how to describe this. I don't know if it even qualifies as a movie. It has ridiculous amounts of filler to fit the 80 minute runtime needed to release in theaters. I'm not even going to write a review, I'll just tell you highlights of the movie:

 

- a scene set in the 300s has a fight with Kirk Cameron as St. Nick beating up a fat guy with a cane set to dubstep, followed up by St. Kirk giving out toys giddily

- the film opens with Kirk talking to the audience and saying that he really loves hot cocoa. This goes for about ten minutes until the opening logos arrive

- the film is a bizarre mix of theological documentary and Christmas sentimentality

- there's a scene in the middle of the movie that's never acknowledged again where someone claims Santa is trying to take Fox News off the airwaves

- the "Scrooge" of the movie, when he reaches his epiphany, literally belly slides into the house in slow motion to get a better view of the presents

- Narrator Kirk says that the "Scrooge" would typically kiss his wife at the end of the movie, but they like to keep things unexpected. Thus, "Scrooge" screams "Let's breakdance!" and something sounding like a Skrillex remix of Hark the Harold Angel Sing starts playing as every extra in the movie gets a dance solo in a sequence that last seven minutes with no hint of irony.

- the credits themselves are padded, as they are full of the shots used in the movie in slowmotion shown in regular motion. And there are a lot of slow motion shots.

 

There's a lot more I didn't get into but this movie is just bizarre. It makes The Identical look like There Will Be Blood, but compared to Left Behind, this is enjoyable for the sheer lunacy of the product. I'll give it a C

I'm glad you enjoyed the movie. 

[4815162342]

Based Blankments saving our cinematic souls

[The Panda]

I don't even know how to describe this. I don't know if it even qualifies as a movie. It has ridiculous amounts of filler to fit the 80 minute runtime needed to release in theaters. I'm not even going to write a review, I'll just tell you highlights of the movie:

- a scene set in the 300s has a fight with Kirk Cameron as St. Nick beating up a fat guy with a cane set to dubstep, followed up by St. Kirk giving out toys giddily

- the film opens with Kirk talking to the audience and saying that he really loves hot cocoa. This goes for about ten minutes until the opening logos arrive

- the film is a bizarre mix of theological documentary and Christmas sentimentality

- there's a scene in the middle of the movie that's never acknowledged again where someone claims Santa is trying to take Fox News off the airwaves

- the "Scrooge" of the movie, when he reaches his epiphany, literally belly slides into the house in slow motion to get a better view of the presents

- Narrator Kirk says that the "Scrooge" would typically kiss his wife at the end of the movie, but they like to keep things unexpected. Thus, "Scrooge" screams "Let's breakdance!" and something sounding like a Skrillex remix of Hark the Harold Angel Sing starts playing as every extra in the movie gets a dance solo in a sequence that last seven minutes with no hint of irony.

- the credits themselves are padded, as they are full of the shots used in the movie in slowmotion shown in regular motion. And there are a lot of slow motion shots.

There's a lot more I didn't get into but this movie is just bizarre. It makes The Identical look like There Will Be Blood, but compared to Left Behind, this is enjoyable for the sheer lunacy of the product. I'll give it a C

I might have to actually see this now instead of giving it an ironic trolling grade.

[Blankments]

I might have to actually see this now instead of giving it an ironic trolling grade.

Its one saving grace is that it's only 80 minutes, which explains the padding kinda lol