Gods of Egypt (2016)

[CJohn]

Discuss it!

[DAJK]

No reviews yet? Well let me be the first to say that I really enjoyed this movie! Brenton whatever his name was who played the mortal was quite bad, but he along with the rest of the cast all looked like they were having fun. And that's what the movie was: fun.

 

I mean, if anyone has EVER read into any Egyptian mythogy, you'd notice how cheesy and full of plot holes it is, and this movie honestly feels a lot like one of these myths, which is why I find some of the reviews unfair. It isn't grounded and solid, but that's the only way one could make a movie like this. There isn't a single scene without some big CGI piece and the film is so in your face that you actually get quite involved. The middle drags but the finale is so dazzling that you forget about any moment at which you were bored.

 

So yea in short I'd recommend this. It certainly doesn't deserve the hate it's getting. 

B.

[Jim Shorts]

Zaya was the real standout of the movie.  Too bad they decide to put an arrow through those perfect boobs 20 minutes into the movie. 

 

 

[TheMovieman]

Overlong and overused CGI, Gods of Egypt might not be terrible, even passable in spots, but with a director like Alex Proyas this could have been great or at the very least memorable. I will say, Gerard Butler put his heart and soul into his performance, chewing scenery as he might have been, but he probably the most enjoyable part.

 

**½/*****, (C, 4.8/10, 2/4)

[Goffe]

It's energy draining. I was planning to see two more movies after this one, but I went to bed instead because I was so exhausted. One of the worst irredeemable POS I've seen in a long time. 15/100

Edited June 11, 2016 by Goffe

[cookie]

I thought this was going to be some fun trash but I ended up getting very little of that outside of those infamous scenes I saw months ago. The rest of the movie either makes no sense or is just dull. I was honestly surprised how little there actually was for me to make fun of (again, outside of some of the more infamous scenes).

 

Let's start with what's actually fun (in a trashy way): Gerald Butler. They didn't even need to have the giant spaceworm eating space and time in this for Butler devours almost every scene in his in. His teeth-grizzling and no-shits-given accent is such a marvel to witness, it's like he still thinks he's in 300. Then there's Chadwick Boseman. What even went through his head when he put on that accent? It's so bizarre yet he manages to deliver the only two funny lines in the movie in spite of it.

 

Now let's move on to the garbage: I've heard some unfair comparisons regarding the effects, but for a $140m movie could you not render them just a bit more properly? The movie throws so many computer-generated effects at us, and nothing looks like it was actually finished. There's some especially bad green-screen that would have been embarrassing twenty years ago. Did they run out of money? Either there were some massive incompetence at display or some serious money laundering went on here.

 

The script has the right idea in not taking things too seriously, but the execution is piss poor. Like I said before, only two lines actually land (both from Chadwick Boseman). The timing and delivery falls flat every time, and I've seen most of these actors do better stuff elsewhere (though Brenton Thwaites has been mostly terrible so I don't have much faith for his performance in the upcoming Pirates sequel) so I think it all chalks down to the terrible directing.

 

And maybe the directing can explain the terrible effects to some degree as well. The staging and lighting in most scenes are really flat, and the costumes range from passable to randomly thrown together without rime or reason. Anytime a character is in the desert there's this weird red-brown tint and it all looks so fake.

 

Let's mention the elephant in the room: no, not the casting, although it's definitely whitewashing going on here. What I feel is often overlooked is that the movie is extremely sexist, more so than a typical Hollywood production. If you're a female character in this movie, you're either constantly being referred to as a whore or you're there to be expendable and useless. I'm willing to overlook a lot of things, but in this movie it's so blatant and gets really frustrating after a while.

 

Is there anything genuinely good in this movie? The score, actually. Credit where credit's due, a lot of trashy period movies actually manage to pull through on the soundtrack side of things. It's kinda sad though that such a good score is trapped in such a terrible film, like how one of the best themes in the Star Wars saga is trapped in Attack of the Clones, the worst of all the films (I'm obviously referring to Across The Stars, Anakin and Padme's love theme).

 

I'm honestly disappointed this wasn't the glorious trash I wanted and expected it to be, outside of again a few scenes. It's just tedious to sit through and that might be its worst sin of all.

Edited January 30, 2017 by cookie

[baumer]

Worth seeing just because of the stupendous breasts.

 

7/10

[RobinHood26]

C+ (78)