Xillix Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 @cookie Did you not understand the ending of Cello or did you just think it was dumb? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YM! Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 Where is Action Movie? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YM! Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 (edited) 40 minutes ago, cookie said: Action Movie You pair up Key & Peele with Adam Sandler and Kevin James. That should grant you an F already for having the gall to do that but I'm going to be fair here... nah, this is pretty bad. Not only do you not even have the pairs interact with their respective partner at any point, they're just staggeringly unfunny. There's one joke that works (Professor Cringe telling jokes so bad they literally hurt people fits his name and who plays him) and the rest range from eye-rolling to disturbing (how old is John Everyman supposed to be? He's in high school, right? As if the prison scene wasn't uncomfortable enough). It's also staggeringly long for a movie of this type. Why did this need to nearly be two hours? It barely even needed to be 90 minutes. Stay away, folks. Also I'm going to play @Xillix and say that the movie rips off one of the funnier parts of The Emperor's New Groove. It doesn't affect the rating because I'm not that petty but it's pretty blatant. D- Ouch. Holy shit I just realized the Emperor’s New Groove joke didn’t even realize it. Edited January 17, 2018 by YourMother the Edgelord Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted January 17, 2018 Author Share Posted January 17, 2018 (edited) 32 minutes ago, Xillix said: @cookie Did you not understand the ending of Cello or did you just think it was dumb? It felt useless to the narrative. The movie could've ended before that and it would've been fine or if not woven in the car scene in a better way. It's not like the movie introduces the concept of parallel time before this so it just seemed random. I kinda dislike those "ZOMG THE CHARACTER WAS DEAD/IN A COMA THE WHOLE TIME" endings anyway. Edited January 17, 2018 by cookie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xillix Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 1 minute ago, cookie said: It felt useless to the narrative. The movie could've ended before that and it would've been fine or if not woven in the car scene in a better way. It's not like the movie introduces the concept of parallel time before this so it just seemed random. I kinda dislike those "ZOMG THE CHARACTER WAS IN DEAD/IN A COMA THE WHOLE TIME" endings anyway. Technically it hinted at the concept with the husband's misplaced whispers in the night, which Spoiler were actually him talking to her in the hospital bed. That said it is in fact a direct lift from the original so I don't take it personally Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted January 17, 2018 Author Share Posted January 17, 2018 (edited) The Screwtape Letters STOP PUTTING MY BOY TARON IN BAD MOVIES Why is this not a dark comedy? I've never read the original book, but Wikipedia does tell me it's part satire. Where's the satire here then?! Why is all this stupid shit played so straight?! And for a movie that wants to prove that God is all-loving, he sure comes across as a moron and a bit of an asshole in this. The fact that Darren Fucking Aronofsky is making this is so amazingly baffling in of itself. Holy shit, I haven't walked out of a movie this mad since maybe The Haunting In Wisconsin. Stay the hell (haha) away everyone. F Gorillas *Nature documentary about silverback gorillas narrated by James Bond* After the horrors of the last film I had to watch, this charming documentary with an important message warms the cockles of my heart. I'd almost assume scheduling the two back-to-back was intentional of O$corp Pictures. B+ Skeleton Crew For the first hour or so of this, I was really wondering why it got negative reviews from some other critics. The situation was understandable, the actors were great in their parts and the gore effects were very well done. It was tense, intriguing and genuinely disturbing. Then came the third act and the movie tries to act clever with you and that's where it unfortunately falls apart for me. That's not to say the great build-up doesn't ultimately save it from getting a lower grade, but the payoff left me with a bit of a sour taste. B- (but really, had it not been for the last act it could've been a B+ or even above) American Dragon: Jake Long I remember watching the original cartoon on occasion while growing up, but I only have an extremely vague memory of it so I won't make any comparisons. This is a fun movie. Peppy and upbeat but with enough drama to be emotionally compelling for both older and younger viewers. It doesn't reach the level of great, in part because I found Jackie Chan a bit underused and the plot was fairly predictable but if you can look past that it's very entertaining and visually impressive (even if the budget doesn't allow all that much scope). For a Spring family outing, I can definitely recommend it. B Bounty Hunters from Heaven I can say that unlike The Screwtape Letters this movie is intended as a satire and it acknowledges from the get go that God in this universe is a douche. That said it doesn't entirely hold together as a movie on its own. Jonah Hill's role is basically a cameo despite getting third billing, and while it's sometimes funny (the part about the angels and demons realizing they can't actually kill each other had me in stitches) every time a joke doesn't land the dead silence it creates is just a bit uncomfortable. Not terrible, but not really good either. C+ Our City Opening short Bubbles: Cute, maybe not engaging for adults but for young audiences it's a cute distraction. Movie: It's ultimately good, but... is it really worth the hype it's been getting? I mean given the reviews nearly everyone else's been giving it, I walked in expecting something just as clever and exciting to an adult as it would be to child, like Brad Bird's Pixar efforts. What I got was more childish and lacking the deeper substance I know Bird is capable of. That's not to say what's in the movie can't be fun, colorful and engaging to both kids and adults (although the apartment complex subplot is the film's lone attempt to appeal to adults and it may leave children a bit stranded), just that it leans too much in the direction of the former for my taste. Plus, Zach Braff and Ben Foster voicing 10 and 7-year olds respectively is... distracting, to say the least. B/B- 120 Days of Sodom ... This didn't make me angry. This just made me depressed. It's been hotly debated what the true intent behind the original book was, as has it for Pasolini's Salò which changes the setting to the time of the titular fascist puppet state for Nazi Germany led by Benito Mussolini after his original Italian republic collapsed. That alone makes both versions interesting. This new one changes it back to the premise of the original book (some depraved shitheads kidnap a bunch of people and does all manner of vile shit to them in a remote cabin somewhere) but since it's set in modern times the original context is removed and replaced with... not very much. It seems like the makers of this film did this just to shock you but since people have gotten used to Grindhouse exploitation since the time of Salò it doesn't shock like it should. Sure, this goes one step above what many people will be comfortable with, but it seems to be to no actual end. I wish I could get angry at this, but the more it keeps going (and you feel every second of those 70 minutes) the more I realize that what I'm staring at is really a blank wall with big speakers on each side blazing sound and fury signifying nothing into my ears. And by the time I walked out I just felt numb, bored and mentally drained. Is this what filmmaking has come to? Maybe O$scorp Pictures should've waited and put Gorillas after this one because boy do I need a heartfelt animal documentary right now. Urgh... it's the worst movie of the year people, hands down. I honestly don't know if anything can really pull me back at this point. *sees posters for May releases including The Towering Inferno and Bounty Hamster* Okay, that might work. F- Edited January 17, 2018 by cookie 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hiccup23 Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 Yaaasss trash 120 Days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted January 19, 2018 Author Share Posted January 19, 2018 (edited) The Towering Inferno Yup. This worked. Just the right amount of political intrigue, business intrigue, intense as all hell disaster sequences and a star-studded cast of who's who that all serve to bring the suspense but also the still relevant themes of the original into a 21st century context. There's one thing that hinders me from going to full A territory on this one though and it's simply that with the massive cast and all kinds of crazy effects the $90 million budget does show some of the cracks in the machine. But it's a damn well-oiled machine nonetheless. A-/B+ (seriously, had the budget been upped just a little to say $110-120 million I would've given it a straight A-) The Witch of Blackbird Pond A somewhat unremarkable drama that's held afloat by the lead performances of Emma Watson and Kathy Bates (been a long time since we've seen her in this kind of role so her return to the spotlight is welcome). There's some interesting stuff to be had with the town's obvious fear of women taking their own lead and perform feats one would not expect of them at the time, but the movie ends without having all that much to say about it. B-/C+ Bounty Hamster I'm kinda mixed on this one to be honest, not because the movie isn't good; it's zany, it's fun and often amusingly animated, but it sometimes goes a bit too zany for my taste. For every joke that gets a laugh another joke is so bizarre and confusing you can't help but have your mind linger on it even as the film moves on to the next one. Also, I know this isn't supposed to be taken seriously, but I can think of numerous situations in the film that'd be easily resolved by Marion swallowing whatever the obstacle is. It really shouldn't bother me but it kinda does. Again, the movie is good, but I hope the possible sequel dials it back a little bit. Minor note: The Voltron gag was cute, but out of all the references you could've made you went with the sloth that was only in the movie for like a minute? I'm surprisingly disappointed. And the Prince of Egypt callback was one of the most random things ever. B Life After Death What. The. Fuck. Part 2. No really, if you thought The Da Vinci Code was stretching it you ain't seen nothing yet. There's so many baffling logical leaps in this movie and its conclusion is so Pure Flix-level paranoid that it should infuriate me but I couldn't stop laughing. I'd almost recommend you see it just to laugh at it, but then I remember that they wasted Ron Howard and my man Idris on this and now I'm as sad as I'm bewildered. D- Edited January 21, 2018 by cookie 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 TBH while the zaniness will be a bit more controlled in the sequel, it’s a bit part of what mad the film so fun to write for me. As for the swallowing thing.....that will be explained in Bounty Hams2r. Still glad you liked it! on the other hand....shit. That was the only film this year I was really confident in you liking. (Besides The Simulation) I can see you hating Parvelli, CD, and After Party. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted January 19, 2018 Author Share Posted January 19, 2018 15 minutes ago, The Shape of Pasta said: I can see you hating Parvelli, CD, and After Party. Why would I hate those? (I mean After Party sounds like a do or die kind of thing but the other two...?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 Parvelli is fucking weird and sometimes irrational, and Closed Domain is an overcomplicated plot that goes off the rails. You of all people should know how paranoid a person I am lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethan Hunt Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 20 minutes ago, The Shape of Pasta said: As for the swallowing thing.....that will be explained in Bounty Hams2r. The complete nonsensical bullshit of that is what makes it so fucking funny 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted January 19, 2018 Author Share Posted January 19, 2018 3 minutes ago, The Shape of Pasta said: Parvelli is fucking weird and sometimes irrational, and Closed Domain is an overcomplicated plot that goes off the rails. You of all people should know how paranoid a person I am lol. I've been harping on overcomplicated plots of yours before to be sure (although in The Provider's case it was more because the movie lacked the world building necessary to understand it) but if the substance is strong enough I can overlook it. We'll see. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethan Hunt Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 I thought Closed Domain was pretty straightforward until it goes all "wait...what?" in the third act Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 2 minutes ago, Ethan Hunt said: I thought Closed Domain was pretty straightforward until it goes all "wait...what?" in the third act ....that's what I'm afraid of with @cookie. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 I'm definitely going to try and work with more straightforward plots in the future - I think my big OCs in Y3 will reflect this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted January 21, 2018 Author Share Posted January 21, 2018 From a Black Sky Another bargain bin DVD movie that somehow got enough funding for a decent cast and a theatrical release. Is this just something that happened to be on the desk of Red Crescent Pictures' executives and they had to green light something before the end of the day so they just picked whatever happened to be in front of them? D+ Rise of the Dead "(There are massive visual shots of the global zombie take over thus a higher budget but more epic feel and picture)" "Death sweeps the globe. The Vatican is sacked and destroyed, the Statue of Liberty collapses under the weight of zombies climbing it, London, Paris, Moscow, African slums, and Asian overpopulated cities are all seen being taken over by the undead. We even see Mecca with thousands of believers being attacked and destroyed." "Budget- 90 million" I think that speaks for itself. "[the zombies] to varying extents exhibiting some behavior of their previous existences (one bashes a vending machine as he did when he was alive, and later a married couple – now zombies – hold hands as they walk)." "People start dying not because of zombies but because they don't know how to live without technology." Wait, when did this turn into a poor man's version of Shaun of the Dead? I thought this was a horror action movie? I don't normally harp on these kinds of things but when the rest of the movie is so shrug-worthy it honestly kinda forces me to. C- Gonna get to the rest of June later today before the actuals @Rorschach @The Shape of Pasta @Alpha 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hiccup23 Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 (edited) With my zombie film I want to show that no sacred place was safe. It is a disease that affects everybody regardless of race or religion Edited January 21, 2018 by Hiccup23 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted January 21, 2018 Author Share Posted January 21, 2018 3 minutes ago, Hiccup23 said: With my zombie film I want to show that no sacred place was safe. It is a disease that affects everybody regardless of race or religion My point was that Emmerich destruction on a $90m budget was wishful thinking. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hiccup23 Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 (edited) 5 minutes ago, cookie said: My point was that Emmerich destruction on a $90m budget was wishful thinking. Used every penny. It was a global zombie flick. Zombies were makeup not CIG Edited January 21, 2018 by Hiccup23 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
