Ezen Baklattan Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 (edited) Hello, fellow pastafarians, it's time for my fifth annual review thread! Every film will be reviewed from the time period, and they will start soon! Edited May 1, 2014 by Spaghetti Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpha Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted December 5, 2013 Author Share Posted December 5, 2013 (edited) Blood Brothers - C Some good songs and moments of heart, but it's ultimately just a melodrama festival, and it also feels a bit padded at times. It also seemed like something meant for the Y7 Oscars but got dumped in January. I won't even remember it in a week or so, despite the strong cast, which isn't given much to do here anyways. The Good, The Bad, & The Dead - B- Although there is a strong feeling of constraint in the film, everything still works out in the end and the result is a fun and exciting, if a little half baked at times, zombie adventure, and I can't really hate anything starring The Doctor. Bloodbath Unite - F One of the most awful horror films I've ever seen. Idiotic characters, borderline laughable writing, and a terrible performance from the usually capable Michael Fassbender. A disaster in every sense of the word. Hard To Find - C+ It starts off decently with some funny moments and a clever premise, but the film moves towards general awkwardness and nearly falls apart in its own messy and melodramatic plot. I also agree with Numbers that this role doesn't work with anyone other than a child. Unbalanced 5 - B Unlike many other horror films in real like, Unbalanced has gradually improved over repeated installments. This single story gets more development (even if some of it feels missing) and as a result, we get a frightening situation and some moments of real fear. I liked it a lot more than I had expected. Edited December 5, 2013 by The Fennekin of Wall St 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Films Posted December 5, 2013 Share Posted December 5, 2013 I am loving these bloodbath unite reviews it's challenging the Devil Inside but only just doing a bit better. Highest rating so far- D+ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpha Posted December 5, 2013 Share Posted December 5, 2013 I think Hard To Find was always supposed to be an off-putting film, in where a man is such an introvert that the love of his life is a LEGO character played by Demi Lovato. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted December 6, 2013 Author Share Posted December 6, 2013 Army of Two: The Devil's Cartel - C+ There's a number of fun moments here, but the script is too weak and the twist, while a bit unexpected, is poorly handled. Still, it should please unassuming action fans, as there's some good stuff here. Chessmen - B- A nice little animated movie that proves that being from a small animation company is no excuse for a crappy film. 1944: Part 1 - The Resistance - C+ Michael Hazanavicius is a capable director, but he lets this film go by without too much control, leaving it as a overlong and somewhat dull examination into World War 2. There are still good performances and designs, which elevate this grade a bit. Slenderman: The Beginning - C A few decent scares, but I won't think much of it in a few weeks time. It's just kind of there. The Ice Station: Area 2 - D+ Hemsworth is fun to watch, but not when he has to work his way through a convoluted and idiotic story. Tatum also feels wasted in a small role, especially between two leading roles. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted December 8, 2013 Author Share Posted December 8, 2013 Curling Men - B- A silly, yet comical sports comedy that should keep you satisfied for a hundred minutes if you've already seen the Oscar picks from Y7. Will Ferrell steals the show and gets the most hilarious lines. Silent Invasion 3: The Attack - D+ There's nothing glaringly bad about it, but it's just getting frivolous and boring at this point. We Are The Champions 2: Rise of the Crusaders - C- Football fans will probably get something out of it, but everyone else will find nothing noteworthy. A Love To Die For - B The ending is a bit shaky, but we still get tons of great humor, fantastic chemistry between Tatum and Lawrence (who does great in a largely comedic role) and its unconventional take on the romantic comedy genre. Demon: The Summoning - D- Generic as hell with terrible acting and a poorly explained plot. Farmville - C- Annoying characters and unfunny jokes make this cheap cash-in one to avoid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted December 8, 2013 Author Share Posted December 8, 2013 (edited) Hush, Hush, Little Baby - C So a baby has these dreams in a super colorful world where she's apparently able to fight dragons and apparently her dreams also involve mundane reality as well. And Taylor Swift is her mom. And it all lasts for two hours. I'll pass. Darkseed - B- It's not nearly as tight as other horror satires, but the anarchic spirit still makes it a blast to watch, especially as the climax gets more ridiculous, albeit moronic. Spinach Artichocke Dip - C+ A bizarre, illogical, yet strangely watchable film. I wish it took more smarter turns with its over-the-top attitude. MirrorWorld - B The ending is a bit too silly, and some of the characters needed a lot more development to get attached to them, but it has fun with its silly world and is inventive and funny enough to be a more than satisfying family film. Daniel Tosh: New & Improved - C- I'm not really into Tosh's style, so meh. The Last Rider - C Algren will love it, but for everyone else, it's a film with some decent action but not much more that's close to solid. The Guardian Of The West - B A really strong and exciting documentary about not just the life of a hero, but how we've seen it through media. Cranston offers a great narration, too. Edited December 8, 2013 by The Fennekin of Wall St 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Films Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 Just quickly- the hush hush little baby character is a she Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted December 8, 2013 Author Share Posted December 8, 2013 Oops, I wasn't sure. Thanks for clearing that up. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted December 23, 2013 Author Share Posted December 23, 2013 In The Mountains of Madness - B A slickly designed and well directed sci-fi adventure, but its underdeveloped characters and a plot that outlines the novel prevent it from being something truly special. Twinkies - B- It's a documentary about Twinkies. Espionage Project 2: This Time It's Espersonal - D ...the fuck? Pompeii - C+ The volcano eruption scene is absolutely dazzling, but it's a shame that we have to get through underdeveloped romance and convoluted politics to make it there, not to mention the annoying cop out ending. Lost Planet - B- Like ATMOM, it's well designed, but the story and characters feel flat. Keg Party - B- It starts off as strong and intriguing critique of High School party culture, but it soon dives into melodrama and chaos. It still is worth a watch if you're interested. Hairspray - C I'm sorry, Films, and I love the musical this is based off of, but this film falls flat in capturing its magic compared to the 2007 version. Many actors are recycled, leading their scenes to be rather half-assed, and the new characters and songs add nothing but run time. James Bobin tries his best to make it work, but it seems like a mess, sadly. Thomas Was Alone - B A bizarre yet oddly interesting animated tale, although it could do more to stray from its original indie game source material. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted December 23, 2013 Author Share Posted December 23, 2013 Top 10 so far.... 1. The Guardian Of The West 2. In The Mountains Of Madness 3. A Love To Die For 4. Thomas Was Alone 5. MirrorWorld 6. The Good, The Bad, & The Dead 7. Unbalanced 2 8. Darkseed 9. Twinkie 10. Chessmen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blankments Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Top 10 so far.... 1. The Guardian Of The West 2. In The Mountains Of Madness 3. A Love To Die For 4. Thomas Was Alone 5. MirrorWorld 6. The Good, The Bad, & The Dead 7. Unbalanced 2 8. Darkseed 9. Twinkie 10. Chessmen Sweet, I'm dominating Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted January 24, 2014 Author Share Posted January 24, 2014 More reviews are coming this weekend. Prepare thy selves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted January 25, 2014 Author Share Posted January 25, 2014 Life - B+ The film could have benefitted from a longer runtime, as the stories feel rushed, and the ending doesn't feel quite right with the rest of the movie, which deals with the idea of all life being interconnected rather than just living life to the fullest, but this is still an ambitious and well made picture that touches the human spirit. I liked it more than I thought I would, actually. Horror House - F A disaster in all the right ways. A plot that makes no sense, terrible acting from the normally reliable Fisher and Renner, and no other redeeming qualities. The Legend of Redwall - B+ Some of the development feels a bit underdone, but for the most part, this is a strong story with exciting action and engaging characters that has the smarts that most animated films lack (in the real world, at least.) It's an impressive surprise for the doldrums of April, and it's a film I greatly recommend. Walls of Stone - B- There's a fair bit of excitement and intrigue in here, but it feels excessively padded and overlong. Come for the solid production design and solid performances, though, especially from Sean Bean, who can apparently only be hired if he dies in the role. The Most Dangerous Game - C It's a good story, but Cuaron doesn't give a whole lot of life to it outside of its literal adaption. Stephen King's It: Part 2 - C The film has some moments of genuine intensity, but there's also a strong sense of awkwardness, especially as the plot thickens, that really drives the film nowhere. A definite step down from part 1. Next Vegas - C+ It doesn't take full advantage of its Cyberpunk cynicism, nor does it have a well furnished plot, but Next Vegas has enough kick-ass action and slick production design to not feel like a total waste. Run & Gun - B- Some pacing issues arise in the second act, but the film still contains a great deal of fun an excitement, something which should create an exciting lead in to an insane summer of movies. Happy Tree Friends - B- The choice to make this hilarious cartoon into a movie by making it into a bunch of smaller shorts wasn't really a great idea, but I still enjoyed it. Move - D 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hiccup Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Glad you enjoyed Life! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted January 27, 2014 Author Share Posted January 27, 2014 Starcraft: Brood War - B+ Another fun, exciting, and surprisingly smart installment in the beloved sci-fi franchise, although Fury of the Swarm felt a bit tighter and stronger, in my opinion. There's still a lot to enjoy with this film. The Academy - B- It's interesting. It has the heart in its right place. It's also well designed. And it's a giant mess at parts. I have mixed feelings about this misguided creation. Christine - C A few decent moments of fright, but that's about it from this pretty generic adaption. Digimon: World Invasion - B- The world of Digimon doesn't really interest me, but I have to admit that all of the visual flair, dash of heart, and whiz-bang action made it at least somewhat enjoyable for a summer matinee. Stranger In A Strange World - C+ The first act is very strong, invoking some clever observations about our society, but the second act's religious overtones kind of drive the film into a bizarre, convoluted and uninteresting void. The Dresden Files - B A fun and exciting mystery thriller that's carried by Robert Downey Jr's exciting charisma, and Shane Black's witty, if generally standard, mystery noir story. I definitely recommend it. Candy Crush - D- These two characters aren't even in the movie, but Wreck-It Ralph, Vanellope von Schweetz, and Lotso Huggins Bear (WTF) are in it. I just have to ask...."huh?!" 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4815162342 Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Best film of the month!!! I agree that Brood War could have been tighter, but there was a lot of ground to cover. I have a few years before Queen of Blades comes out to set up things with one boom right after the other. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted January 27, 2014 Author Share Posted January 27, 2014 Adapting most video games means covering a lot of ground. The fact that your Starcraft movies work as well as they do is no small accomplishment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted January 29, 2014 Author Share Posted January 29, 2014 Hand Drawn Heroes - B+ A hilarious, clever, and all around zany mash up of cartoon characters with a reliable heart and plenty of joyful moments of chaos and creativity. The plot isn't quite as strong as it could have been, though. Interconnected: An Empire Risen - C Maybe it's because I'm new to the franchise, but I really couldn't get into this a whole lot. Having said that, it may have something to do with some of the somewhat convoluted character and plot developments that pop up in this movie. The Chain - F So Liam Neeson is able to kill of nearly an entire town and make those he doesn't kill run away, and the movie ends before it answers the only question it potentially has. Mkay. Age of Empires - C+ A decent tale of period fare, but the film suffers from a lack of character focus (without really working as an ensemble piece either) and some rushed plot developments. Wizardversity - C The twist near the end of the second act is okay, but the rest of the film is a woefully cliched riff on Harry Potter, although there is quite a bit of good animation. Godzilla: Apocalypse - Part 1 - C+ The film feels like just table setting for the next installment, with some decent monster battles amidst the talkiness (which would be stronger if character rationality didn't feel as muddled) of the majority of the film. Having said that, if Part 2 is an insane carnage of monster chaos, then it's so on. Bring it, CJohn. Land of no Left Turns - B- A decent comedy with some amusing situations that doesn't really go anywhere all that interesting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
