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Ezen Baklattan

Spaghetti Kitchen - Year Nueve (Yzma & Horror House 2 Reviewed)

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Hey, everyone! Welcome to Spaghetti Kitchen Y9! It's time to begin reviewing movies for the new year! I'm going to be trying something different this year. For each movie you request in this thread (limit of one at first, but I may do more), I will have a team of characters throughout my filmography go to review them! Meet your review team!

 

Ezen Baltakkan (Spark - Y4) - Likes thought provoking movies and thrilling plot lines

Santa Claus (Santa Claus: Ultimate Badass - Y5) - Likes crazy action and general over the top fun.

Patrick Lucas (Cyber - Y6) - Likes movies with technical prowess.

Elizabeth Silvette (Eccentric Minds - Y5) - Likes originality and a lack of cliches.

Freddy Zapper (The Terrible Plight of Freddy Zapper - Y7) - Likes movies with strong characters,

Cassie Felderton (Cinema Studies - Y8) - Think of her as my general opinion.

 

This year is going to be fun for my reviews. Request away!

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Today is your last call for requests, I will accept them up to tomorrow morning.

 

Now, meet your review team...

 

BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH as Ezen Baltakkan

BILLY BOB THORTON as Santa Claus

AARON PAUL as Patrick Lucas

EMMA WATSON as Elizabeth Silvette

DARREN CRISS as Freddy Zapper

ANNASOPHIA ROBB as Cassie Felderton.

 

Our first review...The Thin, The Fat, and the Felon.

 

Ezen: I must admit that it was a bit odd to hear an individual with my voice in the film, but that's beside the point. I really can't say much bad about this movie, as it is fairly fun and amusing, especially with the sprinklings of western motifs and excitement thrown in to keep us on our toes. The Sheriff in particular plays a fun and unpredictable role. It's exactly what it says on the tin, and given Edgar Wright's filmography, there's nothing wrong with that, even if it lacks the total craziness that made the Cornetto trilogy so great in a few areas. I still greatly enjoyed it.

 

Santa: That gun slinging fight towards the end, and all of the badassery from the characters, I like it. Very much so. The touchy-feely crap can go fuck itself, but the action in this, well, I knew Wright was good at choreographing fights, but this movie was just the shit. Fuck yeah.

 

Patrick: Yeah, bitch! That aspect ratio matched with some bitch-ass shots of the Wild West, and throw in some of the period touch-up shit you find in a lot of baity stuff, pair that with Wright's tendency to blow us off our fucking minds with his visual in-jokes, and there's a lot of good stuff in this. I'm gonna disagree with Santa, though, in that the final fight did struggle from having a series of shots that make things a little tough to follow. Still, I must say that this movie was the shit.

 

Elizabeth: My goodness, that poor prairie dog. Anyways, the magical transport plot has been done many times before, but Wright gives everything his own touch, from the sets to the characters and so on, that it becomes highly original in its own right. I also give credit to the studio for making consistently surprising films in this same manner. You'd think it was made by its studio head. That gets me thinking...nevermind. All I can say with confidence is that it does an excellent job of creating a unique tone that makes it a consistent joy to watch.

 

Freddy: When Tumblr gets invented (I'm from the 50s, after all), I'm sure there will be massive delight over that cast! There's a lot of fun characters to watch in this, even if a few developments (Tom and Martin near the beginning) feel a little contrived and there just to drive the plot. Also, we keep hearing Mary come up, yet she never appears in the movie. Aside from these minor drawbacks, it really is a fun movie, and Tennant in particular steals the show.

 

Cassie Felderton: We've reached a concensus! Wright's personal touch gives a solid story new life, filled with great characters and fun setups. The plot is not always as tight as it needs to be, but as a comedy film, it's easy to let it slide. It's just a jolly good time overall.

 

B+

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Samara

 

Ezen: Well...that was interesting. The explanations for Samara's behavior don't go very far beyond her mother's warnings of fear and terror, but she continues to torment her parents (and some horses) because...why not? Aside from that, the story is mostly coherent, and the atmosphere is particularly effective for a horror film. It's decent.

 

Santa Claus: Well, I haven't read anything like that in a while. The scares are a bit weak, but the atmosphere is pretty cool. Jessica Chastain is also an attractive lady, so points for that. Fuck yeah.

 

Patrick: Verbinski is a pretty bitchin' director, so I counted on this having the right mood to scare us shitless, and for the most part, it does. The art direction and cinematography mesh together well to increase the moodiness in the air, going to more atmospheric scares than straight up jumps. I always appreciate that.

 

Elizabeth: In terms of the story, some of Samara's powers were fairly interesting, although I felt as though she was too cruel without enough justification, which could have given it a more original edge. It's just okay as it stands, though.

 

Freddy: Gee, these actors felt too big for their parts. Anyways, the two parents are pretty convincing in balancing love and fear for their daughter, and the film plays out in some interesting ways with them. It's better than the average horror film.

 

Cassie: The atmosphere under Verbinski's direction is strong, but not quite enough to offset the iffy character development and somewhat generic plot.

 

C+

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Samara

 

Ezen: Well...that was interesting. The explanations for Samara's behavior don't go very far beyond her mother's warnings of fear and terror, but she continues to torment her parents (and some horses) because...why not? Aside from that, the story is mostly coherent, and the atmosphere is particularly effective for a horror film. It's decent.

 

Santa Claus: Well, I haven't read anything like that in a while. The scares are a bit weak, but the atmosphere is pretty cool. Jessica Chastain is also an attractive lady, so points for that. Fuck yeah.

 

Patrick: Verbinski is a pretty bitchin' director, so I counted on this having the right mood to scare us shitless, and for the most part, it does. The art direction and cinematography mesh together well to increase the moodiness in the air, going to more atmospheric scares than straight up jumps. I always appreciate that.

 

Elizabeth: In terms of the story, some of Samara's powers were fairly interesting, although I felt as though she was too cruel without enough justification, which could have given it a more original edge. It's just okay as it stands, though.

 

Freddy: Gee, these actors felt too big for their parts. Anyways, the two parents are pretty convincing in balancing love and fear for their daughter, and the film plays out in some interesting ways with them. It's better than the average horror film.

 

Cassie: The atmosphere under Verbinski's direction is strong, but not quite enough to offset the iffy character development and somewhat generic plot.

 

5.5/10

Quite like the reviews. What letter rating would that be out of curiously

Also its quite funny cassie thinks it has a generic plot when she has signed up for the next ring film

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Mine - D

 

It's pretty much just standard operating procedure for found footage horror. Not much to see here.

 

Ship of Lies - B-

 

It starts off as an exciting mystery film, and I'm all for giving more roles to David Tennant (He's the star of my August OC, after all.), but the film suffers from a few problems such as a few unrealistic character actions and a somewhat weak motive for the killers, but it's still a fairly satisfying and enjoyable old-fashioned mystery flick.

 

Tortoise Run - D+

 

A fairly stupid and childish animated film with weak stakes and bland characters. Also, did Evil Ant and Ogre just magically come back to life?

 

Alice in Horrorland - B-

 

The idea of a prophecy and a battle of good and evil in Wonderland rubs me the wrong was as it did in Tim Burton's 2010 shitfest, but it works better here due to a surprisingly dark mood and visual tone, as well as more enjoyable characters and fun set pieces. It's not a perfect film, but for a January film, it's fairly enojyable.

 

(Also, Blink, your English is generally pretty good. If you want a bit more help, you can PM me your films and I can look over them.)

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