4815162342 Posted January 16, 2018 Author Share Posted January 16, 2018 That just leaves Truth is and Voltron Dos. Help. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 That’s an awesome AP review! Thanks, Numbers!! You could MAYBE make the case that Paul was intoxicated to justify his more sociopathic behavior, but that somewhat undermines the main crux of the movie. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 (edited) 7 minutes ago, 4815162342 said: That just leaves Truth is and Voltron Dos. Help. I know it probably won't work this time, but... LOOK INTO HIS PUPPY DOG EYES NUMBERS YOU DON'T WANT TO MAKE LOTOR HIDDLESTON SAD Edited January 16, 2018 by cookie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4815162342 Posted January 17, 2018 Author Share Posted January 17, 2018 TRUTH IS The guy looks up with a smile and says his name is Kyler. WHO NAMES THEIR KID KYLER? WHY DO WE HAVE A TYLER AND A KYLER? Tyler rests against the wall panting exhausted after orgasming twice in a row. ... Tyler exhausted and drunk says he can’t. He says he can’t orgasm twice in one night. IS TYLER UNAWARE OF HIS OWN BIOLOGY? DID THE FILM CHANGE WRITERS MID-SCENE AND THEY DIDN"T READ WHAT EACH OTHER WROTE? He says he can’t protect Tyler from Nicole. Tyler asks what they should do. He says Nicole already knows about the cabin and knows where they live. He says they can’t escape her. THIS IS WHY YOU CALL THE POLICE. The film is better than Poison and Wine, by virtue of having actual character development and an actual idea of a story and themes. Though these films seem to be loosely following the same general arc of the Fifty Shades films, which maybe isn't the best story series to use as inspiration for your plot? Also, there are multiple instances of "what?" "why?" The does belabor the point a little by having Tyler and Hunter reconnect at a slow pace, with a number of scenes that feel like padding. Also Kyler and Adam both simply vanish from the film, and Adam lives in the same place as Tyler! But based on this improvement from Film 1 to 2, maybe the conclusion will get to positive? 4/10 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 21 minutes ago, 4815162342 said: THIS IS WHY YOU CALL THE POLICE. I feel honored for this reference. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hiccup23 Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 @4815162342 Third time is the charm... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4815162342 Posted January 17, 2018 Author Share Posted January 17, 2018 Gonna save Voltron 2 for tomorrow probably. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YM! Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 5 minutes ago, 4815162342 said: Gonna save Voltron 2 for tomorrow probably. Can @cookie survive the wait? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 8 minutes ago, 4815162342 said: Gonna save Voltron 2 for tomorrow probably. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 1 minute ago, cookie said: One uber long film for him is good enough for one day I suppose 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hiccup23 Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 1 hour ago, 4815162342 said: Spoiler TRUTH IS The guy looks up with a smile and says his name is Kyler. WHO NAMES THEIR KID KYLER? WHY DO WE HAVE A TYLER AND A KYLER? Tyler rests against the wall panting exhausted after orgasming twice in a row. ... Tyler exhausted and drunk says he can’t. He says he can’t orgasm twice in one night. IS TYLER UNAWARE OF HIS OWN BIOLOGY? DID THE FILM CHANGE WRITERS MID-SCENE AND THEY DIDN"T READ WHAT EACH OTHER WROTE? He says he can’t protect Tyler from Nicole. Tyler asks what they should do. He says Nicole already knows about the cabin and knows where they live. He says they can’t escape her. THIS IS WHY YOU CALL THE POLICE. The film is better than Poison and Wine, by virtue of having actual character development and an actual idea of a story and themes. Though these films seem to be loosely following the same general arc of the Fifty Shades films, which maybe isn't the best story series to use as inspiration for your plot? Also, there are multiple instances of "what?" "why?" The does belabor the point a little by having Tyler and Hunter reconnect at a slow pace, with a number of scenes that feel like padding. Also Kyler and Adam both simply vanish from the film, and Adam lives in the same place as Tyler! But based on this improvement from Film 1 to 2, maybe the conclusion will get to positive? 4/10 Two orgasms was a typo and I deserve to get laughed at haha. I wrote it while tipsy so it was my own undoing. I expanded why Adam disappears. He travels with his job and has a girl (stays at her place). Kyler disappears because (well actually pops up midway again) but he leaves because Tyler is seeing Hunter. Actually wrote these well before Fifty Shades...I made a post about the history of me writing these stories in the Discussion thread. "Call the police" yeah...this is an actual plot hole and I kind of needed it there. Also on the topic of history of writing this. Kyler is based off a guy I actually went on a date with (or few more than just one). Basically all the events that happened between Kyler and Tyler actually happened. So that is why I went with the name Kyler. Just realized after I posted it, it was close to Tyler...oops. Much of Truth Is is actually based off real dates and experiences loosely connected. Scenes with Kyler, the the lunch date with Hunter and Tyler, the zoo date, the dance during dinner, and the hill scene all happened. I draw inspiration of my life and have put it into these films. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4815162342 Posted January 18, 2018 Author Share Posted January 18, 2018 VOLTRON: RISE OF LOTOR Spoiler It's not time to go subplotty Just relax, take it easy You were a breakout, that's your fault There's so much you want audiences to know Find a brother, befriend a native If you want you can die nobly Look at Lotor, he is young, and not happy Zarkon was once like he is now, and he knows it makes him queasy To lose his calm when he's found they're quite similar Don't take your time, and overplot Don't need to force out everything you got For your audience will be here tomorrow But your sense of novelty may not So please listen and let me explain So you don't go down this road again Don't fall into a trap of spewing out all your story The best thing you can learn, is to show and not just tell So take this to heart and write things a simpler way You know, you have to show 7.3/10 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 2 minutes ago, 4815162342 said: VOLTRON: RISE OF LOTOR Hide contents It's not time to go subplotty Just relax, take it easy You were a breakout, that's your fault There's so much you want audiences to know Find a brother, befriend a native If you want you can die nobly Look at Lotor, he is young, and not happy Zarkon was once like he is now, and he knows it makes him queasy To lose his calm when he's found they're quite similar Don't take your time, and overplot Don't need to force out everything you got For your audience will be here tomorrow But your sense of novelty may not So please listen and let me explain So you don't go down this road again Don't fall into a trap of spewing out all your story The best thing you can learn, is to show and not just tell So take this to heart and write things a simpler way You know, you have to show 7.3/10 Spoiler ...what is this to the tune of? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4815162342 Posted January 18, 2018 Author Share Posted January 18, 2018 Just now, The Shape of Pasta said: Hide contents ...what is this to the tune of? The ending of Voltron 2 is a copycat of a certain 2017 superhero movie's ending. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 Just now, 4815162342 said: The ending of Voltron 2 is a copycat of a certain 2017 superhero movie's ending. Oh, duh, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YM! Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 2 minutes ago, 4815162342 said: The ending of Voltron 2 is a copycat of a certain 2017 superhero movie's ending. I’m actually okay with the ending. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4815162342 Posted January 18, 2018 Author Share Posted January 18, 2018 3 minutes ago, YourMother the Edgelord said: I’m actually okay with the ending. I was warned about it in other threads, but damn it really stuck out like a sore thumb reading it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4815162342 Posted January 18, 2018 Author Share Posted January 18, 2018 So this thread will go dark for a few days while I read through everything else. Then do a Top 25. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 3 hours ago, 4815162342 said: VOLTRON: RISE OF LOTOR Hide contents It's not time to go subplotty Just relax, take it easy You were a breakout, that's your fault There's so much you want audiences to know Find a brother, befriend a native If you want you can die nobly Look at Lotor, he is young, and not happy Zarkon was once like he is now, and he knows it makes him queasy To lose his calm when he's found they're quite similar Don't take your time, and overplot Don't need to force out everything you got For your audience will be here tomorrow But your sense of novelty may not So please listen and let me explain So you don't go down this road again Don't fall into a trap of spewing out all your story The best thing you can learn, is to show and not just tell So take this to heart and write things a simpler way You know, you have to show 7.3/10 Well it's a positive, I'll take it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4815162342 Posted January 18, 2018 Author Share Posted January 18, 2018 6 hours ago, cookie said: Well it's a positive, I'll take it. The film felt a bit too crowded with Pidge's subplot taking up a giant chunk of the film for example. Also, I sense a tradition of the black paladin dying in every film. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...