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RySenkari

The Movieman! - Year 1

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*A young woman is fleeing into a dark alley. She's trapped by dozens and dozens of DVD covers.*

Woman: So many movies and I don't know what to watch! Someone, HEEEEEEEEEELP!

*A man in a superhero cape lands in front of the woman and strikes a superhero pose.*

Man: There's no need to fear! MOVIEMAN IS HERE! *punches out the bad movies and shows the woman where the good ones are*

Woman: Oh, thank you Movieman! *cuddles up on the couch with him and starts watching a movie*

It's Movieman for Year 1!

I'm the Movieman and I'm here to review this year's films. As always, the Movieman grades on a five-item scale. No fancy stars or numbers, just a straight up verdict. My scale is as follows:

See It Now: What the hell are you still doing sitting down at the computer? Get to the movie theater and watch this movie now!

See It Sometime: While I strongly recommend seeing this movie while it's in theaters, you can go ahead and wait a week or two until you have a free day and/or you can wrangle up some friends to go with.

Rent It: You should see this movie, but you can definitely wait until it's out on DVD to do so, when you can get it for a buck on Redbox instead of shelling out nine bucks to go to the theater.

Rent It If You Must: You can probably skip this film, but if you REALLY want to see it (it's got an actor you like, you like the series/genre, or you've been really wanting to see it for a while), it's worth a watch.

Not Worth Your Time: This is a bad movie that you should skip, even if you get a chance to see it for free. It's not worth the time it takes to watch. Trust me, stay away.

I'll be reviewing every film this year. Most films I'll just give a score to, although I might have some comments on random films. When I'm finished reviewing everything, I'll do a top 25.

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January:

Beast Of Bray Road: Rent It

The Nine Tailors: Rent It

Illusiono: See It Sometime

Phone Fiend: Not Worth Your Time

Hills Abduction: Not Worth Your Time

You Got Beat By A Girl: Rent It If You Must

Spider-Baby: Not Worth Your Time

Everglades: Rent It

Ready Aim Fire: Rent It If You Must

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February:

Seduction: Rent It

Teratoma: Not Worth Your Time

Disco Dan: Rent It

Valentine's Day Vendetta: Not Worth Your Time

Ghost Story: Rent It

Cycle of the Werewolf: See It Sometime

Corporate Secrets: Rent It

Siri: Rent It

Just For Cash: See It Sometime

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March:

The End Of The Universe: See It Now

Land Of Storms: See It Sometime

Barren World: See It Now

God's Deal: Rent It If You Must

Our Friend The Witch: Rent It If You Must

Night Of Error: Rent It If You Must

The Adventures: Rent It

Lucky In Love: Rent It If You Must

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The Movieman's Top 10 Of The First Quarter! (January - March)1. The End Of The Universe2. Barren World3. Cycle Of The Werewolf4. Illusiono5. Land Of Storms6. Just For Cash7. Ghost Story8. Siri9. Seduction10. The Nine Tailors

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April:

Band Of The Decade: Not Worth Your Time

The Machine Stops: See It Sometime

Spring Awakening: See It Sometime

The Day I Met Mina: Rent It If You Must

Trails Of Tears: See It Now

Paranoia: Rent It If You Must

Sarah's Surefire Cure For The Blues: Not Worth Your Time

Elantris: Rent It

Con Air 2: Terror In The Sky: Not Worth Your Time

Tarsem Singh's Cinderella: Rent It

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May:

Interconnected: See It Sometime

Fab 5: Not Worth Your Time

Secret Of Mana: A Journey Begins: See It Now

Northwest Nightmare: Rent It If You Must

Alien-Nation: See It Sometime

Birds of a Feather: Not Worth Your Time

Apocalypse: See It Now

The Penny Jar: Rent It If You Must

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June:

The Ultimate Race: Rent It If You Must

Nation: See It Now

Sitting Ducks: Rent It

Pride And Prejudice And Zombies: See It Sometime

Day Of The Destructor: Not Worth Your Time

The Pizza Man: Rent It

Jane Loves Karen: Not Worth Your Time

Fairylight: See It Sometime

The Dark Victorian: See It Sometime

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The Movieman's Top 10 Of The Second Quarter! (April - June)1. Apocalypse2. Trails Of Tears3. Nation4. Secret Of Mana: A Journey Begins5. Interconnected6. Spring Awakening7. Pride And Prejudice And Zombies8. Alien-Nation9. Fairylight10. The Dark Victorian

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