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Ruk's Top 69 Movies of 2014 (How to Lose Friends and Alienate People)

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60. Interstellar

"We used to look up at the sky and wonder at our place in the stars, now we just look down and worry about our place in the dirt."

 

interstellar2.jpg

 

Well, the reactions to this should be interesting.

 

Yeah, for all the lauding it’s been getting on this site, I still really don’t like this film. And time has not changed my mind any. If anything, it’s made me realise just how much is wrong with it. The story, the characters, the inhuman dialogue, the overblown direction that tries too hard to be deep and epic rather than simply telling a good story. This is the first Nolan movie I've ever seen that I outright hate. Sure, most of his other movies have their share of flaws and are massively overrated, but they're at least fun to watch. This nearly had me nodding off in the theatre. Certainly, there are a few saving graces here and there, like the earth story line, or the docking sequence, but they're diamonds buried in the 3 hours of indulgent shit Nolan makes us sit through first.

 

Heck, even one of the biggest selling points of the movie, the visuals, were poorly done. Don’t get me wrong, in a technical sense they look very realistic. But in a stylistic sense they just look dull. So so dull. Admittedly, part of that may be due to the grey/brown heavy colour scheme which is always a major turnoff for me, but the whole thing just lacks imagination or variation. The water planet is nothing but water. The ice planet is nothing but a generic icy quarry. The spaceships are the sort of generic spaceships I’ve seen a million times. Maybe it’s scientifically accurate, but just because something is more scientific accurate or realistic doesn’t mean it’s necessarily going to be better for a film. Give me something batshit insane and cool-looking over a generic ‘scientifically accurate’ bunch of icy rocks. (Not to say that realism is bad or anything, it’s just a matter of how you use it.) Or heck, even just create an interesting atmosphere. Last year's Gravity was little more than spaceships and debris as well, but it created this relentless tension and near constant struggle of life and death that made it constantly a joy to watch. Interstellar, meanwhile, provides all these 'epic' sweeping shots which I assume we're supposed to use to take the view in, but if the view isn't that interesting to begin with then it kinda falls flat.

 

But it’s not just the visuals that were dull. And I’ll admit, it’s really a testimony to Matthew McConaughey’s acting ability that he kept me from realising just how bland his character was until after the movie was finished. Seriously, here’s an interesting question for you. Describe Coop’s personality. Had to think about that one, didn’t you? And even the little signs of personality he did show were usually only just for a couple of scenes and then forgotten about. Honestly, all of Coop’s astronaut crew had little to no personality except the robots and Anne Hathaway (who was over-emotional and annoying). And when the robot have more personality than the actual humans in the movie, that’s not a good sign. Okay, that’s a mild exaggeration. There were some characters with personalities. The problem is they’re all stuck on earth. Seriously, Coop’s family (especially Murph) were all far more interesting than him and I was far more invested in what they were doing than Coop’s journey through space. And really, what does that say about your space exploration movie when I spend a good two thirds of it wishing I was following the characters back on earth?

 

And don’t get me started on the dialogue in this. I’ll admit, it was actually doing fairly well in first third but, once they get up into space, it all becomes either exposition or the sort of fauxlosophy I’ve really begun to hate (largely thanks to Man of Steel (from which this movie has taken all the wrong things)). There are only a few brief bright spots inbetween like Coop receiving the 20-something year message from his family. The rest is nothing but soul-crushingly dull dialogue complemented by soul-crushingly dull visuals. As for the controversial third act… I found it distinctly meh. I know Nolan was likely going for a 2001 homage but there are two things it’s missing that 2001 had. First, 2001 actually looked visually appealing thanks to, you know, a colour scheme that wasn’t all brown and grey. Second, Interstellar explained too much. I understood pretty easily what exactly was going on. 2001 I had (and still have) no clue what the hell as going on and, quite frankly, that made it stick with me more. In fact, there’s one other film this year that I felt did a much better ending homage to 2001 than this movie. (My current #27)

 

In a lot of ways this movie reminds me of Man of Steel. Sure it’s not quite as terrible as that film but so many detractory elements are there. The muted colour scheme. The lifeless characters. The constant fauxlosophy that tries so hard to sound deep and epic but fails if you take two seconds to think about it. It’s obviously trying so damn hard to be this great intelligent sci-fi epic, but it just comes off as bland and pretentious in my books, with only a few scattering of great moments here and there to stop it from being absolute crap. One of the biggest disappointments of 2014 in my book.

 

Also, I very nearly put this below I Frankenstein and Maleficent. Would’ve liked to see the meltdowns if I’d done so.

 

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59. Divergent

"You're different. You don't fit into a category. They can't control you. They call it Divergent. You can't let them find out about you."

 

Divergent-poster.jpg

 

I can barely remember about this film. Just a generic YA movie. The class system could’ve been interesting if they’d actually done anything with it. But they didn't really, despite it being one of the main selling points of the movie. And for all the talk about it, I honestly  struggle to see the big advantage of being Divergent or why other people would want to kill you over it. But outside of that it was still just a really bland flick.

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58. Sin City: A Dame to Kill for

"Sin City's where you go in with your eyes open, or you don't come out at all."

 

sin-city-a-dame-to-kill-for-poster-micke

 

Dammit, Rodriguez, why are you trying to retroactively ruin all your greatest hits? First Spy Kids, then Machete and now this. Not to say this didn’t have its share of good moments, mainly limited to Mickey Rourke and Eva Green (her second outstanding performance in an otherwise mediocre-to-crap movie). But there are so many poor stylistic and story telling choices here and Josh Brolin’s near constant inner monologue quickly became laughable before just getting plain annoying. And I don’t even know what the fuck Rodriguez was thinking with Jessica Alba’s section at the end.

 

All in all, a disappointing sequel to one of my favourite movies. And Rodriguez really needs to be put out to pasture. As does Frank Miller.

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57. The Identical

"<insert Ray Liotta quote here>"

 

the-identical-dvd-cover-83.jpg

 

Yup. I'm putting this over Interstellar. Sure it's inferior on a technical level. And a story telling level. And in terms of acting, character and pretty much everything else important. But damn it, I just had so much fun watching this. It's stupid, cheesy, The Room level shit and I had fun picking apart every second of it. Honestly I'm kind of annoyed I lost my notes on it before I could write a full riff of it. Guess you'll all have to read Blank's fantastic review of it on the review thread.

 

Admittedly, despite the fun I had with it, I can't in any kind of good consciousness put this higher on the list. But if you're ever in need of something stupid to just sit back and mock, feel free to put this on and enjoy yourself.

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56. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

"When you put it like that, it sounds ridiculous!"

 

teenage_mutant_ninja_turtles_ver14_xxlg-

 

This wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong, it's far from good but for an obviously Bay-inspired reboot, it didn't make me want to chop off my ears and eat them. That said, it's still meh at best. It had a few memorable action scenes and I enjoyed both the turtles and Patrick Wilson (at least when they were on screen), but Megan Fox was badly miscast and given far far far too much relevance in the story (to the point where I was internally cringing when they shoehorned her into the backstory of the turtles). Also, they changed Shredder’s origin last minute to counter the fan backlash and it is very obvious (Especially since Fitchner (the original main villain) becomes fairly wasted as a character). They should’ve just kept him as Fitchner or as a robot as he was obviously supposed to be.

 

All in all, it wasn’t particularly terrible, but I’d be lying if I said I was in any way hyped for the sequel.

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60. Interstellar

"We used to look up at the sky and wonder at our place in the stars, now we just look down and worry about our place in the dirt."

interstellar2.jpg

Well, the reactions to this should be interesting.

Yeah, for all the lauding it’s been getting on this site, I still really don’t like this film. And time has not changed my mind any. If anything, it’s made me realise just how much is wrong with it. The story, the characters, the inhuman dialogue, the overblown direction that tries too hard to be deep and epic rather than simply telling a good story. This is the first Nolan movie I've ever seen that I outright hate. Sure, most of his other movies have their share of flaws and are massively overrated, but they're at least fun to watch. This nearly had me nodding off in the theatre. Certainly, there are a few saving graces here and there, like the earth story line, or the docking sequence, but they're diamonds buried in the 3 hours of indulgent shit Nolan makes us sit through first.

Heck, even one of the biggest selling points of the movie, the visuals, were poorly done. Don’t get me wrong, in a technical sense they look very realistic. But in a stylistic sense they just look dull. So so dull. Admittedly, part of that may be due to the grey/brown heavy colour scheme which is always a major turnoff for me, but the whole thing just lacks imagination or variation. The water planet is nothing but water. The ice planet is nothing but a generic icy quarry. The spaceships are the sort of generic spaceships I’ve seen a million times. Maybe it’s scientifically accurate, but just because something is more scientific accurate or realistic doesn’t mean it’s necessarily going to be better for a film. Give me something batshit insane and cool-looking over a generic ‘scientifically accurate’ bunch of icy rocks. (Not to say that realism is bad or anything, it’s just a matter of how you use it.) Or heck, even just create an interesting atmosphere. Last year's Gravity was little more than spaceships and debris as well, but it created this relentless tension and near constant struggle of life and death that made it constantly a joy to watch. Interstellar, meanwhile, provides all these 'epic' sweeping shots which I assume we're supposed to use to take the view in, but if the view isn't that interesting to begin with then it kinda falls flat.

But it’s not just the visuals that were dull. And I’ll admit, it’s really a testimony to Matthew McConaughey’s acting ability that he kept me from realising just how bland his character was until after the movie was finished. Seriously, here’s an interesting question for you. Describe Coop’s personality. Had to think about that one, didn’t you? And even the little signs of personality he did show were usually only just for a couple of scenes and then forgotten about. Honestly, all of Coop’s astronaut crew had little to no personality except the robots and Anne Hathaway (who was over-emotional and annoying). And when the robot have more personality than the actual humans in the movie, that’s not a good sign. Okay, that’s a mild exaggeration. There were some characters with personalities. The problem is they’re all stuck on earth. Seriously, Coop’s family (especially Murph) were all far more interesting than him and I was far more invested in what they were doing than Coop’s journey through space. And really, what does that say about your space exploration movie when I spend a good two thirds of it wishing I was following the characters back on earth?

And don’t get me started on the dialogue in this. I’ll admit, it was actually doing fairly well in first third but, once they get up into space, it all becomes either exposition or the sort of fauxlosophy I’ve really begun to hate (largely thanks to Man of Steel (from which this movie has taken all the wrong things)). There are only a few brief bright spots inbetween like Coop receiving the 20-something year message from his family. The rest is nothing but soul-crushingly dull dialogue complemented by soul-crushingly dull visuals. As for the controversial third act… I found it distinctly meh. I know Nolan was likely going for a 2001 homage but there are two things it’s missing that 2001 had. First, 2001 actually looked visually appealing thanks to, you know, a colour scheme that wasn’t all brown and grey. Second, Interstellar explained too much. I understood pretty easily what exactly was going on. 2001 I had (and still have) no clue what the hell as going on and, quite frankly, that made it stick with me more. In fact, there’s one other film this year that I felt did a much better ending homage to 2001 than this movie. (My current #27)

In a lot of ways this movie reminds me of Man of Steel. Sure it’s not quite as terrible as that film but so many detractory elements are there. The muted colour scheme. The lifeless characters. The constant fauxlosophy that tries so hard to sound deep and epic but fails if you take two seconds to think about it. It’s obviously trying so damn hard to be this great intelligent sci-fi epic, but it just comes off as bland and pretentious in my books, with only a few scattering of great moments here and there to stop it from being absolute crap. One of the biggest disappointments of 2014 in my book.

Also, I very nearly put this below I Frankenstein and Maleficent. Would’ve liked to see the meltdowns if I’d done so.

... :/

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Obligatory Disclaimer: I cannot guarantee this list will be finished by the end of this year.

 

So yeah, I've seen 69 movies this year and rather than simply pick out the ones I loved or hated or just want to talk about, I decided I'd rank them from bottom to top in terms of how much I enjoyed them or hated them or I consider them overstellar- I mean, interrated-  I mean... Interstellar is overrated. There's a mix of blockbuster, oscar bait, even a bit of indie and foreign stuff. There's probably going to be quite a few controversial opinions here. But considering how high I ranked World War Z and White House Down last year, that's somewhat par for the course. And at least my opinions aren't boring.

 

Before I get started though, I'd just like what a surprisingly quality year 2014 was. Seriously, I pretty much adored everything from #30 onwards. In a lesser year, most of those would rank much higher. But we've had wall to wall fantastic films all year round, including from some places I least expected it.

 

Also, as the obligatory disclaimer mentions, my lists do have a habit of running on longer than Tele's been alive. Mostly because there's a lot of other writing I often need doing. Hopefully that shouldn't happen this year (since I'm specifically using this as a vehicle to force myself to write every single day). But if I end up going too slowly or end up having a few gaps, I apologise. Just remember that the best way to keep my attention is to give me plenty of likes.  :ph34r:

 

So without further ado, let's begin.

I think my list will by that way too. it's interesting. 

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60. Interstellar

"We used to look up at the sky and wonder at our place in the stars, now we just look down and worry about our place in the dirt."

 

interstellar2.jpg

 

Well, the reactions to this should be interesting.

 

Yeah, for all the lauding it’s been getting on this site, I still really don’t like this film. And time has not changed my mind any. If anything, it’s made me realise just how much is wrong with it. The story, the characters, the inhuman dialogue, the overblown direction that tries too hard to be deep and epic rather than simply telling a good story. This is the first Nolan movie I've ever seen that I outright hate. Sure, most of his other movies have their share of flaws and are massively overrated, but they're at least fun to watch. This nearly had me nodding off in the theatre. Certainly, there are a few saving graces here and there, like the earth story line, or the docking sequence, but they're diamonds buried in the 3 hours of indulgent shit Nolan makes us sit through first.

 

Heck, even one of the biggest selling points of the movie, the visuals, were poorly done. Don’t get me wrong, in a technical sense they look very realistic. But in a stylistic sense they just look dull. So so dull. Admittedly, part of that may be due to the grey/brown heavy colour scheme which is always a major turnoff for me, but the whole thing just lacks imagination or variation. The water planet is nothing but water. The ice planet is nothing but a generic icy quarry. The spaceships are the sort of generic spaceships I’ve seen a million times. Maybe it’s scientifically accurate, but just because something is more scientific accurate or realistic doesn’t mean it’s necessarily going to be better for a film. Give me something batshit insane and cool-looking over a generic ‘scientifically accurate’ bunch of icy rocks. (Not to say that realism is bad or anything, it’s just a matter of how you use it.) Or heck, even just create an interesting atmosphere. Last year's Gravity was little more than spaceships and debris as well, but it created this relentless tension and near constant struggle of life and death that made it constantly a joy to watch. Interstellar, meanwhile, provides all these 'epic' sweeping shots which I assume we're supposed to use to take the view in, but if the view isn't that interesting to begin with then it kinda falls flat.

 

But it’s not just the visuals that were dull. And I’ll admit, it’s really a testimony to Matthew McConaughey’s acting ability that he kept me from realising just how bland his character was until after the movie was finished. Seriously, here’s an interesting question for you. Describe Coop’s personality. Had to think about that one, didn’t you? And even the little signs of personality he did show were usually only just for a couple of scenes and then forgotten about. Honestly, all of Coop’s astronaut crew had little to no personality except the robots and Anne Hathaway (who was over-emotional and annoying). And when the robot have more personality than the actual humans in the movie, that’s not a good sign. Okay, that’s a mild exaggeration. There were some characters with personalities. The problem is they’re all stuck on earth. Seriously, Coop’s family (especially Murph) were all far more interesting than him and I was far more invested in what they were doing than Coop’s journey through space. And really, what does that say about your space exploration movie when I spend a good two thirds of it wishing I was following the characters back on earth?

 

And don’t get me started on the dialogue in this. I’ll admit, it was actually doing fairly well in first third but, once they get up into space, it all becomes either exposition or the sort of fauxlosophy I’ve really begun to hate (largely thanks to Man of Steel (from which this movie has taken all the wrong things)). There are only a few brief bright spots inbetween like Coop receiving the 20-something year message from his family. The rest is nothing but soul-crushingly dull dialogue complemented by soul-crushingly dull visuals. As for the controversial third act… I found it distinctly meh. I know Nolan was likely going for a 2001 homage but there are two things it’s missing that 2001 had. First, 2001 actually looked visually appealing thanks to, you know, a colour scheme that wasn’t all brown and grey. Second, Interstellar explained too much. I understood pretty easily what exactly was going on. 2001 I had (and still have) no clue what the hell as going on and, quite frankly, that made it stick with me more. In fact, there’s one other film this year that I felt did a much better ending homage to 2001 than this movie. (My current #27)

 

In a lot of ways this movie reminds me of Man of Steel. Sure it’s not quite as terrible as that film but so many detractory elements are there. The muted colour scheme. The lifeless characters. The constant fauxlosophy that tries so hard to sound deep and epic but fails if you take two seconds to think about it. It’s obviously trying so damn hard to be this great intelligent sci-fi epic, but it just comes off as bland and pretentious in my books, with only a few scattering of great moments here and there to stop it from being absolute crap. One of the biggest disappointments of 2014 in my book.

 

Also, I very nearly put this below I Frankenstein and Maleficent. Would’ve liked to see the meltdowns if I’d done so.

I really liked it. The expositional dialouge honestly didn't really bother me and I thought the visuals were breathtaking. But...that's just me.
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62. Maleficent

"Oh dear! What an awkward situation."

 

Mix that with obvious CG, a 'What-even-the-fuck-are-you-doing' performance from Sharlto Copley and an ending that rips off Frozen and this was a pretty big disappointment.

how is this a negative

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55. 300: Rise of an Empire

"You fight much harder than you fuck."

 

article-0-1A2FF3AF00000578-284_634x944.j

 

I think I speak for everyone when I say the only reason you need to watch this is for Eva Green. That woman was on fire this year. Admittedly, she was on fire in mostly underwhelming sequels to Frank Miller movies, but still. She was fantastic. And had quite possibly one of the most hilariously awesome sex scenes in recent history. That said, I’d rank RoaE pretty much on the same level as the first 300 movie. It has some fun battle scenes with great 3D but pretty much everything outside of that tended to drag. All the non-Eva characters were forgettable at best.

 

Also, it was a dick move ending the movie in the middle of the climactic battle.

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54. Muppets Most Wanted

"Good night, Danny Trejo."

 

Poster2_official_large.jpg

 

The previous Muppet film was a genuinely rare treat. Hilarious, emotional and just tons of fun. This… wasn't. I mean, it had its moments every now and then, but a lot of the jokes fell flat for me and the emotional moments fell even flatter. Most of the characters just became obnoxious flanderised versions of themselves and turned from funny stupid to irritating stupid. Plus most of the cameos were completely pointless and wasted. Sure, there were a few bright spots like Danny Trejo, but James McAvoy and Chloe Grace Moretz were just... there. The songs ranged from good to forgettable, the accents quickly got on my nerves and generally it was just a large step down from the previous Muppet movie. That said, it still had a good number of funny moments so I can't hate it entirely, but this was another big disappointment for me.

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53. The Tale of the Princess Kaguya

 

the_tale_of_the_princess_kaguya_51000058

 

What? You thought Interstellar was going to be the only controversial placing here?

 

Seriously though, considering how much of a fan I am of Ghibli and anime in general, I was really disappointed with this. Certainly, it has a lot of positives to it. The first third was fun, the watercolour style looked great and the voice acting was near perfect. But once they move to the city, it all turns so slow and depressing and so utterly devoid of hope or enjoyment that, instead of sympathise with the characters, it did the opposite and I ended up getting bored with it. Even the ending which should’ve been tearful as fuck, just made me feel cold because the last hour or so had just been nonstop misery without the slightest hint of hope. So why should I start giving a fuck now? And it just felt so long. Over two hours of nothing but slow, dull misery. 

 

I'll admit I am partially supporting it to win the Animated Oscar (although I'd prefer HTTYD2) if only so anime movies might get more recognition (and might open the doors for Mamoru Hosoda's The Boy and the Beast (my No 1 anticipated movie this year) to get a nomination), but I don't particularly think it deserves it. All in all, rather a disappointment for one of Ghibli's last films.

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52. Neighbours

"My parents love each other, and I think it's hilarious."

 

neighbors_xlg.jpg

 

I'll admit, I've mostly forgotten everything I saw about this. That said, I do remember laughing a few times and, in the end, isn't that all that really matters? The answer is, of course, no, but I really don't care about it enough to do a full review of this movie

 

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