Back To the Past: Jandrew Gets Cultured. Maltese Falcon, Arsenic, Blair Witch, etc.

[Jandrew]

I wasnt gonna review it, but gotdamn that was painful to sit through...

- Im not even gonna touch on any of the story/writing/character/acting elements, they were all bad. I will say the way Shredder was introduced, and defeated (both times) couldnt be anymore ridiculous, and having a dance off/Vanilla Ice music video as the climax is the worst climax I have seen for a "superhero/CB" movie. Even worse than bitch ass F4 when they all stand around waiting to take turns to tap in and fight bitch ass Dr. Doom.

- I wanted to shoot everyone in the face. The Turtles, SHREDDER, Splinter, those ugly ass mutated bird/wolf thing when they kept saying "mama", everyone. Every character was insufferable. Ive seen the original Turtles, played the video games, and watched the cartoon...if the Turtles franchise was a body, this movie would be either the hairy anus or the large intestine, which ever deals with more shit.

- Oh so may plot holes.

- Teenage Mutant Neutured Turtles. They never used their weapons. FOH. Yes I know why they didnt, but the way it was handled was ridiculous. It didnt even make the movie feel toned down, it just made it ridiculous. Would you watch Iron Man where he never gets in his suit or Men In Black where they dont fight aliens? I dont think so.

- But the worst part of the movie by far, and one of the worse scenes I have ever witnessed in any movie was the Vanilla Ice scene. So...Vanilla Ice of all people just happened to be in a club singing "Go Ninja, Go Ninja, Go Ninja Go!" when the Turtles ironically arrive to the club (because a warehouse setpiece is too intense for kids). And then the Turtles dance to this! This was too obvious of a joint corporate synergy attempt between New Line and Ice's record label to get Vanilla Ice another hit single while getting the Turtles a hit single.

No one in the movie calls the Turtles the TMNT's, so when Vanilla Ice is singing about ninjas...well hes just singing about ninjas. BUT WHY? In reality or in the movies reality, why would Vanilla Ice write a song about ninjas? I understand why Rihanna wrote about diamonds, but ninjas? Really, no one in the club found a white guy with a black hairstyle rapping about ninjas while random turtles danced on the floor ridiculous? Of course not, because theyre all high on carbon monoxide.

- The only way I wouldve forgave that was if 1. Everyone knew the Turtles and called them TMNT, or 2. Vanilla Ice started singing it after the Turtles were present, but it still wouldve made absolutely no sense for him to be since NO ONE CALLS THEM NINJAS GOTDAMN.

- This is not one of those movies where the best part was the ending. This is one of those movies where the best part was all the hours of my life where I wasnt watching it. I watched the first when I was little and loved it, but this I would've needed psychiatric help after seeing.

Honest Trailers tried to warn me, but I didnt listen https://youtu.be/YSvTkMPB9mI

Edited March 21, 2015 by Jandrew

[TServo2049]

I haven't seen TMNT2, but it can't be any worse than TMNT3. That one was not only stupid, it was FUCKING BORING. As a kid I think I got all the way through Turtles 3 a grand total of ONCE.

Who thought it was a good idea to send the Turtles back to 1600s Japan, and get involved in cliched political intrigue? Yawn...

Edited March 21, 2015 by TServo2049

[Empire]

TMNT 2 sucks. They can't even really use their weapons. It's ridiculous.

[Ethan Hunt]

I haven't seen TMNT2, but it can't be any worse than TMNT3. That one was not only stupid, it was FUCKING BORING. As a kid I think I got all the way through Turtles 3 a grand total of ONCE.

Who thought it was a good idea to send the Turtles back to 1600s Japan, and get involved in cliched political intrigue? Yawn...

Turtles 3 is much worse

[Jandrew]

Turtles 3 is much worse

Doesnt make Turtles 2 any better...

[Kalo]

If you're going 90s, watch Trainspotting. it's brilliant and will make up for TMNT 2 and then some. It's also on Netflix.

Edited March 22, 2015 by Kalo

[Jandrew]

Bruce Almighty was good. Not much to say about it really. It was a spiritual version of Groundhog Day. I will say I miss those types of comedies, that had a little bit of a message and was about the main character getting better. Everything is raunchy now. Get Hard, Unfinished Business, Wedding Ringer, Jump Street, Neighbors, Horrible Bosses, etc. Wish Hollywood would cut back a little.

Also gonna watch Charade tonight from 1963 with Grant and Hepburn, and maybe I can squeeze in a 3rd film, Ill see.

[TServo2049]

Charade is awesome. I agree with a lot of people that it's the best "Hitchcock movie" that wasn't actually made by Alfred Hitchcock.

[4815162342]

Charade is good.

[Jandrew]

Get Shorty wasnt any special. The story premise was interesting, but the movie eh not much.

Got through literally half of Charade, then my internet wanted to stop cooperating. Ill finish it in a few hours.

[4815162342]

Get Shorty wasnt any special. The story premise was interesting, but the movie eh not much.

The novel is better

[TServo2049]

My dad loves Get Shorty. It's one of those movies he talks and talks about but I've never taken out the time to sit down and watch for myself. I do really want to, I'm just too busy (or too lazy, take your pick).

[Kalo]

Bruce Almighty was good. Not much to say about it really. It was a spiritual version of Groundhog Day. I will say I miss those types of comedies, that had a little bit of a message and was about the main character getting better. Everything is raunchy now. Get Hard, Unfinished Business, Wedding Ringer, Jump Street, Neighbors, Horrible Bosses, etc. Wish Hollywood would cut back a little.

Also gonna watch Charade tonight from 1963 with Grant and Hepburn, and maybe I can squeeze in a 3rd film, Ill see.

 

I agree, there is more that can be funny than raunchy, and in fact a lot of times it's pretty lazy cause anyone can come up with something raunchy.

Edited March 24, 2015 by Kalo

[Jandrew]

Charade - It was good. Theres was too many twists to keep count of, but they were good twists. I really liked the intro and the Paris setting and the characters were all well developed. One critisim I do have is it felt a little cheesy at times. The way Audrey Hepburn would say "hes gonna kill me" and then look all la-de-da made me smh a little. There was a few times where her life as in obvious danger, and she didnt really seem to care. The roof fight was also a little "hmmm..." And it was a little awkward how Grant and 1-hand guy were causally buds again in the next scene.

And it started to become a hassle to have to keep up with who Cary Grant really was. I thought he was gonna end up saying he was Bugs Bunny next. But yeah I still enjoyed it. Editing was good, characters was good, and mystery and surprise element was well done.

Kill Bill 1 - I actually have seen part of this, but not enough to count it, so here. It was alright. The beginning and end was very well done. The middle lost my focus, but it picked back up with the dojo fight. I didnt care for the anime. But Tarantino of course provided nice writing, but excellent camerawork and editing, and I enjoyed tne near-scoreless action scenes, and how a theme would play when Bride was about to kick ass. It was a good movie, but not something Im itching to watch again.

Kill Bill 2 - Not as good as part 1. Just didnt feel as focused or tight. I will say the trailer fight was probably the best of both, but that still didnt make up for the rest. By this point, I was getting bored with the sword fights, but I didnt want all the exhibition as an alternative.

Gonna end the night on a lighter note with 3 Men and Baby or 101 Dalmations (1996). Feel like I saw Dalmations a longgggg time ago, but IDRso im the counting it.

Tomorrow watching In-Laws on TCM and something else I havent decided yet. Still gotta watch GM Vietnam, Friday the 13ths, Annie, and some others before April.

Edited March 24, 2015 by Jandrew

[Empire]

I actually think Kill Bill Vol. 2 is much better than Vol. 1.

[Plain Old Tele]

I actually think Kill Bill Vol. 2 is much better than Vol. 1.

It's not much better, but it is better.

[4815162342]

Kill Bill 2 may be Tarantino's best film 

[Jandrew]

I mean yeah Part 2 did a better job with the story, and things made more sense, but I watched them near back-to-back and by that point I was getting a little anxious. Maybe if I had watched them on seperate days, Part 2 would be ahead, but since I didnt, I guess wasnt as focused on Part 2 as I couldve been.

Also watched TMAAB. It was a nice comedy. Yet another comedy with heart that can give the sex and drug jokes without getting raunchy. Its also weird because the baby in the movie (that was played by twins) has a baby...its like some Inception/Looper shit. Or the movie is just 28 years old.

It actually played less like a comedy and more like a drama as it progressed, but it worked mostly. They dropped the drug subplot like a hot soup bowl and rushed into the sappyness. And I cant tell you much about Jack, it was obvious they tried to make us like him as much as possible in less than 30 minutes, but we just didnt get enough time with him. And Tom Sellecks girl was useless. Come to think of it, none of the female characters actually did anything. Its so sexist. Jk, jk. The female baby peed and pooped (unlike our Supreme Leader). Not the best dramedy Ive seen, but still a good movie and I can see why it was a #1 hit.

[Plain Old Tele]

You should watch TOOTSIE, Jandrew.

[TalismanRing]

Tootsie is so so great.  "How do you feel about Cleveland?" 

 

Which In Laws are you watching?  The first with Peter Falk and Alan Arkin is by far the better of the two.

 

I like both Kill Bills but I think it would have been even stronger as one edited movie with some of the redundancies cut.  There were plans to re-edit it (or maybe use the original edit) and release it as one film but as far as I know that never materialized.